Online Orientation - San Bernardino Superior Court

Welcome to Family Court
Services Orientation
Superior Court of California
County of San Bernardino
Rev. 3/19/2012

Parent Orientation Instructions
Please read all slides in preparation for your
child custody recommending counseling
appointment. This presentation is required prior
to your session.
IMPORTANT NOTE
You will be given instructions at the end of this
presentation on how to print your certificate.
Please bring the certificate to your session.

This Presentation
• We designed this presentation to help prepare
you for your child custody recommending
counseling session and for your appointment to
be a productive and positive experience
• Section 1:Emotional issues for parents and children
• Section 2:General information about child custody
recommending counseling
• Section 3:Custody & parenting plan terminology
• Section 4: Frequently Asked Questions

THE COMMON GROUND IS YOUR
CHILDREN
YOU BOTH LOVE YOUR CHILDREN
and
YOUR CHILDREN LOVE BOTH OF YOU
KEEP THIS IN MIND WHEN YOU ATTEND YOUR SESSION

Part 1
Emotional Issues
• Separation is a grief process
• Parents who were together experience loss of
their relationship/ marriage
• Parents who were never together experience
loss of freedom, of choice, of exclusive
relationship with child
• Loss of the dream of the perfect partner and
perfect childhood for your child

5 Stages of Grief
• Denial (This can’t be happening to me)
• Anger (That #$@! can’t do this to me. Feelings
of hurt, pain turns into anger toward the other
parent. A desire for revenge)
• Bargaining (If only…Trying to make a deal with
yourself or the other parent to get what you
want)
• Sadness /depression (I will never be happy
again)
• Acceptance (Moving on with your life) Having a
balanced and positive view of the other parent

• Fiery Foes
Types of relationships post
separation or divorce
• Low interaction, low-to-no communication, extreme conflict,
highly litigious
• Angry Associates
• Moderate interaction, low communication, some conflict, tense
and hostile, blaming, badmouthing
• Cooperative Colleagues
• Moderate interaction, good communication, parents are a team,
respectful, get along for sake of children
• Perfect Pals
• High interaction, high communication, spend time together
(holidays), friends with one another

Children and Divorce
• Children experience anxiety and insecurity
during their parents separation. Expect some
behavior changes in your child.
• The first year following the separation is a
critical time for kids. Parents may be more
distracted given their own feelings about the
separation.
• Routines may be disrupted.
• Everyone, including the kids are struggling to
find balance and stability.

Parental Cooperation
• Children’s adjustment to their parents separation is
related to their parents ability to cooperate with one
another.
• Reassure your kids that they will have an on-going
relationship with both parents. You are separating from
the other parent. Your child is not.
• Children exposed to their parents conflicts have more
emotional, behavioral and school problems than kids
who are sheltered from their parents fights.
• Do not share every terrible detail about the problems
between you and the other parent. Keep them out of the
conflict.

Part 2
General Information
• In the next section, we will cover
information about the details of child
custody recommending counseling and
tips for getting the most from your
session.

Who Attends
Both parents must be present for child
custody recommending counseling to
occur
The counselor who is either a licensed
marriage, family therapist or a licensed
clinical social worker
An Interpreter (if needed)
Guardians (Guardianship cases only)
Who does not Attend
The Judge
Attorneys
Stepparents
Significant Others
Relatives
Friends
Children

Where will child custody
recommending counseling be held
• At the Family Court Services office in the
courthouse where your case is being heard.
The locations are:
• San Bernardino-351 N. Arrowhead Ave,
Room 200
• Rancho Cucamonga- 8303 Haven Ave
• Victorville-14455 Civic Drive
• Joshua Tree- 6527 White Feather Rd
• Barstow- 235 East Mountain View Ave

When does child custody
recommending counseling occur
Appointments are held at 8am, 10am or 1pm
Your appointment may last up to 2 hours
Please have your questionnaire completed before you
arrive for your appointment
Please try to arrive early because sometimes, there are
long lines to enter the courthouse.
Both parents must attend for the appointment to occur.
The only exception is if one parent has been authorized
by Family Court Services or the Court to participate by
phone (reside out of state or country, incarcerated, in
military)

Why Child Custody recommending
Counseling
• California law requires parents who are unable to agree
on a parenting plan to attend child custody
recommending counseling before their court hearing to
try to reach an agreement
• This appointment gives parents an opportunity to resolve
disagreements regarding the children.
• Parents normally feel better about how they share the
time with the children when they have input into the
decision-making process
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Goals of child custody
recommending counseling
Child custody recommending counseling is
mandatory and it
• Provides an opportunity, before your court
hearing, to reach an agreement regarding
custody and a parenting plan.
• May assist in improving communication
between parents.
• May help reduce anger and resentment
between parents.

What is child custody
recommending counseling
Child custody recommending counseling is about
finding a solution that works for everyone; you, the
other parent and the children that protects the
safety, health and welfare of the children.
You may need to compromise to find a solution. In
order to reach an agreement, you must be willing to
negotiate.
Child custody recommending counseling can assist
parents in developing a plan that ensures the
children have a relationship with both parents.
It is not about “winning” or “losing”

Expectations during the session
Be respectful of one another
Do not interrupt or insult the
other parent
Do not intimidate or threaten
the other parent
Focus on the children’s needs
Listen as much as you talk
Stay on the subject
Share any concerns about the
other parent or your children
State preferences for sharing
time with your children
Determine a parenting plan

Best interest of the children
The safety, health and welfare of your children is the
counselor’s primary focus
These safety issues include:
Substance Abuse
Child Abuse
Domestic Violence
Relevant criminal history
If there are no safety or risk factors, then frequent and
continuing contact with both parents is best for the children
The counselor is mandated by law to make a suspected child abuse
report to the Department of Children’s Services if the parents or
children disclose actual or suspected child abuse or neglect.

Children Interviews
Please do not bring your children to
the appointment.
‣ Typically children will be interviewed between
the ages of 5 and 18
‣ Children may be interviewed when requested
by the counselor or ordered by the court
‣ Children interviews occur after school when
possible
‣ Your children will meet individually with the
child custody recommending counselor.
‣ Parents do not participate in the interview

What is Domestic Violence
Domestic violence may occur in many forms between two
people in an intimate relationship.
• Physical abuse (punching, choking, slapping)
• Sexual abuse (rape, other non-consensual sex)
• Emotional & mental abuse (yelling, cursing)
• Stalking
• Threats & coercion, intimidation
• Harassment
• Isolation (preventing from leaving house or making calls)
• Economic abuse (limiting access to money)
• Power and control

Effects of Domestic Violence on
Children
Emotional impact
• Depression and anxiety
• Feelings of fear and helplessness
• Fear of parental loss and abandonment
Behavioral impact
• Alcohol and drug abuse
• Aggression or violence
• School problems

Domestic Violence Victim Rights
• If there is Restraining order or Declaration of
domestic violence, you have the right to have
• Separate mediation (separate times, separate days)
• A support person present in mediation for
emotional support
• Appointment time is kept confidential
• Address and telephone number is kept confidential

Supervised Visits
• The court may order supervised visitation to
ensure the safety, health & welfare of the children
when
• There are issues of substance abuse, child
abuse, domestic violence or relevant criminal
history that effects a child’s safety
• There has been no contact by one parent with
the children for an extended period of time
• Significant parent-child relationship problems

Supervised Visits
• Who may supervise the visits
• A family member or friend over the age of 18 that both
parents agree to
• A professional monitor may be ordered by the court if
deemed necessary due to severe risk factors of one
parent. There is a fee for this service that the parent
being supervised is responsible to pay
• Supervised visits are usually temporary
• The court may review the matter and determine when
unsupervised visits are appropriate

Part 3
Important Terms to Know
• There are some terms which are helpful to
know as you go through this legal process.
These include:
• Custody: Legal & Physical
• The Parenting Plan
• Types of agreements
• Types of recommendations

Legal Custody
Legal custody pertains to decision-making abilities as
well as having access to certain information
concerning your child’s health, welfare and education.
• Joint legal custody: Both parents share in
decision-making and have access to child’s
legal information.
• Sole legal custody: One parent makes all
legal decisions.
It is common for parents to share joint legal custody.

Common Legal Decisions
• HEALTH DECISIONS:
• Medical records
• Treatment options such as medications, surgery, etc.
• Doctor / Dentist / Orthodontist appointments & info
• Mental health information
• EDUCATIONAL DECISIONS:
• Public education, Private schools, home schooling
• Tutoring
• Report cards / test results
• After school sports / other activities
• Conferences / field trips
• WELFARE DECISIONS:
• Residence / change of residence
• Day care
• Religious training
• Significant alteration of child’s appearance (hair color, tattoos, etc.)
• Special needs

Physical Custody
Physical custody pertains to the time your
child spends with each of his/her parents.
• Joint physical custody: Children spend a
significant amount of time with both
parents. (not necessarily equal time)
• Sole physical custody: Children live
primarily with one parent.

What is a Parenting Plan?
A written plan between the parents regarding:
• Time with the children
Weekdays
Weekends
Holidays
Birthdays
School Breaks
Vacations
• Each parent’s responsibilities
Transportation
Extracurricular activities
School work
Child care
Modifications to the plan may be by mutual parental
agreement or court order

Sample Parenting Plans
These are plans that have worked for some
families.
You need to tailor your parenting plan to fit your
children’s needs
• Weekday Sharing Weekend Sharing
• One specific weekday, after school – 8pm Alternate weekends
• Several specific weekdays, 5pm – 8pm 1st, 3rd, & 5th weekends
• Every day after school – 8pm 2nd & 4th weekends
• Weekday overnights Friday until Sunday or Monday
• Wednesday after school – Thursday before school Saturday am until Sunday am
• Wednesday after school – Friday before school Every weekend
• Shared Weeks
• Week to Week with exchanges on Friday, Sunday or Monday
• Week to Week with midweek dinner visit or
• overnight to non-custodial parent
• Wednesday – Saturday & Saturday – Wednesday
• 2 overnights on weekdays and alternate weekends
• (Friday – Monday)

Factors to Consider When
Developing a Parenting Plan
Parent’s work schedules
Distance between parent’s homes
Children’s attachment with both parents and their siblings
Parents’ strengths and weaknesses
Children’s ages, developmental needs and temperament
Children’s schooling, child care and extracurricular activities
Children’s special needs
Level of conflict between the parents
Previous time share arrangements
Safety concerns of either parent (substance abuse, child abuse)
Stepfamily/Blended Family Issues
- Children need to maintain their relationships with siblings
Younger children do better with frequent visits with each parent
Older children can manage longer durations with each parent

At the Conclusion of your Session
The child custody recommending counselor will write a
report advising the Court of the session outcome
Agreement
‣ Temporary agreement - The parents agree to a
parenting plan on a short term basis with the
counselor and/or parents requesting a review and
further sessions.
‣ Partial agreement - The parents agree on some
issues. The counselor will make recommendations
on the issues of disagreement.
‣ Full agreement - The parents agree on all issues
related to their parenting plan.
No agreement The parents do not agree on a
parenting plan and other areas of disagreement. The
counselor will submit a report with recommendations
on the issues of disagreement

Types of Recommendations
Legal Custody
Physical Custody
Parenting plan(time children are shared between the
parents)
Individual counseling for children and parents
Conjoint sessions between one or both parents and
children
Drug/Alcohol Treatment
Anger Management Classes
Co-parenting Program
Parenting Classes
Psychological Evaluation
Court review and further mediation
***REMEMBER: the Judge makes the final decision.

Ex-Parte Communication
Ex-parte (one-sided) communication is
not allowed.
Once your session is finished, you may not
talk any further to the counselor about
your case.
It is important that you say everything you
need to say during your session.
If you remember something that you
forgot to discuss in your session, please
tell the Judge at your court hearing.

Reminders
CHILDREN DO BEST WHEN:
• There is no violence or conflict
between parents
• Both parents remain actively
involved
• Parents co-parent together
(unless there has been
domestic violence or high
conflict)
• They are not burdened with
making a choice of where to
live
PARENTS DO BEST WHEN:
• They develop their own
parenting plan, rather than
follow a court ordered
plan…and, parents are more
likely to follow their own
agreement!
• They work through their
feelings about the other parent,
rather than use the children to
hurt each other

WHAT I NEED - A Child’s Voice
I need to love many people, including my stepparents and relatives,
without guilt or being made to feel disloyal. The more love I give, the
more I have to give and the more love I will receive.
I need to have a regular daily and weekly routine, one that is not filled
with alternating patterns and disruption.
I need to spend time with both of my parents, regardless of grown-up
wants and wishes regarding convenience, money, or their feelings.
I need to be able to express my feelings.
I need to be able to love both of my parents since they are both a part
of me and to be reassured that this is okay.
I need to not have to blame or choose sides.
I need to not have to make adult decisions.
I need to be a child and not assume my parent’s duties or be an adult
companion, friend, or comforter to my parents.
I need to never have to choose which parent to live with. This is a
decision for adults. Having to make such a choice will always hurt
someone else, and therefore, hurt myself. I may feel this way even as a
teenager and people wish I were able to make the decision.
I can never choose between my parents.
Author Unknown

Part 4
Frequently asked questions
Does the other parent need to go to
orientation?
• Yes. The Court expects both parents to
attend orientation. You only need to attend
the class one time.

What happens if the other parent
does not come to the child custody
recommending counseling session?
• The Court is advised when a parent
does not attend their appointment.
Sometimes, the Court will refer the parents
back to Family Court Services.

What if the other parent does
not go to the court hearing?
• The judge will either make an order
regarding custody & visitation or set
another court hearing.

Do I need an attorney if the other
parent has one?
• Not necessarily. Many parents successfully
represent themselves in custody matters.
Attorneys can be especially helpful when
there are complex matters.
Whether or not you hire an attorney is
your decision

Can I bring my boyfriend or girlfriend
to my appointment or to court?
• Only the parents attend the child custody
recommending counseling session unless
the Court orders other persons to participate
Do not bring any third parties to the session.
Anyone may attend or observe the court hearing

What if the other parent does not
follow the court order?
• You can ask a law enforcement agency
to enforce the order, or you can file a
motion requesting to change the order
• Please do not call the child custody
recommending counselor if the other
parent is not complying with the court
order

What if the other parent does not
return my child from a visit?
• Notify the police. Please do not call
the child custody recommending
counselor.

Who pays the transportation costs when
there is a great distance between the
parents’ homes?
• The Judge makes all decisions regarding
money and expenses

What type of paperwork may I bring to
the child custody counseling session?
Bring documents pertinent to your children’s
health & safety and your school or work schedule
such as:
•School attendance reports, progress reports,
report cards
•Letters from therapists
•Police reports
•Your school and work schedule
Note: a copy of any paperwork you provide will be given
to the other parent

Do we have to come back to court to
change our court ordered parenting
plan?
• Some parents who have a cooperative
relationship make changes to the
parenting plan without returning to court
• Other parents who do not have a
cooperative relationship make changes to
the parenting plan by returning to court to
legally change the orders
• Parents must decide if they want their
changes to the parenting plan made legal
by court order

What if the other parent is speaking
badly about me to the children?
• It is damaging to children when parents
say negative and derogatory comments
about the other parent.
• It may affect your child’s self-esteem
• It may affect your relationship with your
child

Does the judge ever order that one
parent cannot see the child?
• Rarely. In extreme cases, the court may
order that there be no visitation if it is
determined necessary to protect the
safety and welfare of the child.

How does the child custody order
affect the amount of child support?
• Many factors are considered when
calculating child support, including
parent’s income and the amount of time
with the child.

If the other parent has a restraining
order against me, can I still see my
children?
• The court may order visitation, but if
the children are named as protective
persons, the court may stop visitation or
require supervised visitation.

How long is the child custody
recommending session session?
• Times can vary depending on the
complexity of the case, but plan to spend
up to 2 hours. If you have an agreement,
the session will be brief.

Good luck
You have completed the online orientation
to Family Court Services.
We wish you and the other parent the best
in your co-parenting efforts.
Remember
This isn’t about winning or losing
Child custody recommending counseling is
about finding a solution that works for
everyone, especially the children.

Certificate of Completion
You have completed the online
orientation to Family Court Services.
Please print the certificate on the next
page and bring it to your appointment
as proof that you have completed the
course.
Proceed to the next page and click on
“print the certificate”.

Certificate of Completion
You have completed the online
orientation to Family Court Services.
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