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June 2010 WWW.IONAZ.COM 1

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BAR 1 

Photos by Deon Brown 



Greatness 

From Adversity 

Welcome! You may have noticed I 

changed the name of this column from Just 

Jack to Just Arizona. Because it isn’t all 

about me. It is about you and our community. 

And collectively, our greatness comes 

from Pain, Controvery and Defeat. Let me 

explain what I mean: 

Pain 

In politics they say, “If you want a best 

friend, get a dog.” The same is true in publishing. 

When I started ION, my best friend 

was Schmoopy. A beautiful, smart, Black 

Labrador Retriever mix that I saved from 

the Humane Society in Rochester, Michigan 

(yes, the birthplace of Madonna!) The day 

after 1n10 Splash Bash Wet ‘n’ Wild, she 

passed away after 14 wonderful years of 

love and devotion. I miss my best friend. 

I’ll think of Schmoopy this August when 

we present our second annual “Pets and 

People” issue. We want the entire community 

to get involved and send us a picture of 

you and your pet(s). If we select you, we will 

contact you to take professional photos of 

you and your pet at no cost and will publish 

them. The pet(s) and owner(s) we choose 

 

PetSmart, an Arizona based company. Submit 

your photo to ionarizona@me.com. We’ll 

also publish other photos we receive. 

Controversy 

Thank you to everyone who came out for a 

day and night of fun Splash Bash X! Special 

thanks goes to 1n10, Coors Light and 

Wet ‘n’ Wild - Phoenix’ awesome staff. We 

also are very grateful to our generous sponsors 

including The Rock, Roscoe’s, Ice 

Pics, Smirnoff, Open Wide Dental, The 

Leathermen, FEZ, ‘N Touch News, Ticoz, 

Switch and over 30 volunteers that helped 

out all day. Thank you so much! 

Every time you push the envelope and cre- 

 

We did it 8 1/2 years ago when we started 

ION and today with Splash Bash X. Helping 

our community advance is what we 

do. There was some controversy at Splash 

Bash? Were we surprised? Not really. We 

always expect a couple of bumps. Do we 

quit? Never. But am I disappointed with 

KPHO and their irresponsible news journalism 

concerning a ridiculous non-issue that 

happened that they broadcast? Absolutely! 

They should be ashamed of themselves. 

They threw ION and our guests under the 

bus based on a one-sided story. Don’t always 

believe what you see on the news. 

Defeat 

I love Tucson! For almost nine years, we 

have supported their GLBTQ community, 

ever, 

their community no longer advertises 

for Phoenix business. It’s expensive for 

ION to support Tucson with no return. Recently, 

we quietly pulled out of Tucson and 

canceled our sponsorship of Tucson Pride. 

The support from Tucsonians has been inspirational. 

Some are campaigning to bring 

us back. Trust me. We want to come back. 

If we can partner with businesses in Tucson, 

we will continue to support your community. 

For now, Tucson, you can view ION at www. 

ionaz.com. 

While we had some of the best spring 

weather on record, you knew the heat was 

coming. Personally, I love summer in Arizona. 

There is a lot to do when the heat is 

on. Get out and enjoy your community and 

have some fun! 

Sincerely, 

Jack M. Tesorero 

Publisher/Founder 


PUMPHOUSE II 



3819 North 3rd Street Ste. #10, Phoenix, AZ 85012 

 

www.IONAZ.com ionarizona@me.com 

PUBLISHER / FOUNDER 

Jack M. Tesorero - Ext. 5 ........... jacktesorero@me.com 

MY HEATSTROKE.COM 

Bill Knoop .............................................. (602) 301-8457 

CREATIVE DIRECTOR 

Kevin Bushaw - Ext. 4 ..................... kbushaw@me.com 

EDITOR AND TYPIST 

Deon Brown - Ext. 3 .................. ionazeditor@me.com 

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT 

Craig Rubin ................................. ionarizona@me.com 

GRAPHIC DESIGNER 

Brock Miles ......................... ionazproduction@me.com 

PRODUCTION & ARTWORK SUBMISSIONS 

ionazproduction@me.com 

ADVERTISING SALES 

 

Ext 2 - ionazsales@me.com 

Jerry O’Conner 

Carlos Silva 

PHOTOGRAPHERS: 

NATIONAL ADVERTISING REPRESENTATIVE 

Rivendell Media (212) 242-6863 

Wes Bergman 

Addison DeWitt 

Jackson David Kelly 

Justin Gonzales 

CONTRIBUTORS: 

Don Thompson 

Michael Chesworth 

Ted Kirby 

Kim Ruff 

Paul Sanchez 

Published monthly by 

© 2010 Tesorero Omni Media a JMT Designs, Inc. company 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

PRINTED IN THE USA 

All original artwork and photography for ION Arizona Magazine 

remain property of JMT Designs, Inc, and cannot be reproduced, 

altered, or sold without authorization and compensation. 

Limited usage rights can be purchased for a small fee. 

NOTE: The views expressed in these articles do not neces- 

 

parent company. 

Publication of the name or photograph of any person or 

organization within ION Arizona is not to be construed as 

any indication of the sexual orientation of such persons or 

organization. To our knowledge, all people photographed 

and published in ION Arizona are over the age of 18. Some 

photos were submitted by our readers. To our knowledge, 

they own the copyrights, and they have given us permission to 

reproduce them. If you see a picture that you own, please call 

us immediately and we will remove it from future publications. 

All copy, text, display, photos, and illustrations in the ads are 

published with the understanding that the advertisers are 

fully authorized, have secured proper written consent for the 

use of names, pictures, and testimonials of any living person, 

and that ION Arizona is not responsible for unlawful use of 

such content. 

1995-2010: 15 Years of Design and Creative Excellence 



Light Rail 

to Forbidden 

Forbidden Night and Pinnacle French Vodka have 

teamed up with the Big Orange Bus to offer FREE 

safe ride shuttle service from Phoenix to Scottsdale and back, every Saturday 

night. Shuttles provided by The Big Orange Bus will depart from Central Ave. 

& Camelback Light Rail station at 9 p.m., 10:30 p.m., 11:30 p.m. and go to 

Forbidden. Get back safely with returns to the same location in Phoenix that depart 

from Forbidden 12:30 am, 1:30 am, 2:15 am. Rides are FREE, but driver tips are 

highly encouraged! 

Phoenix 

Pride Gala 

Join Phoenix Pride for an awards gala where 

they honor and celebrate the contribution of 

individuals, businesses and political leadership 

from the GLBT community of mero Phoenix 

on Saturday, June 19 at the Madison Event 

Center at 441 W. Madison St. For more info and 

tickets visit www.pride-tickets.org 

Flagstaff Pride 

Join the friendly Lumber Jacks and Jills 

in Flagstaff for Pride in the Pines on 

Saturday, June 12 at Wheeler Park with 

the fabulous Shannel from RuPaul’s 

Drag Race entertaining along with 

others. The kickoff part is Friday night 

with the sexy DJ JST and our own 

Afeelya Bunz at the After Party at the 

Green House and a brunch on Sunday. 

 

Bisbee Pride 

The guys ‘n’ gals of the Copper City welcome 

one and all to their 6th annual Pride weekend 

June 18-20 in bee-yoo-ti-ful Bisbee, Arizona! 

Proposed events include a Leather & Lace 

Party, Pub Crawl, Ghost Tour, Live Musica, 

and a pool party at the historic Copper Queen 

Hotel! Visit www.bisbeepride.com for more info. 

H2O & 

Tucson 

Pride Week 

Kick off Tucson’s Pride Week on Saturday, June 19 

from 3:30 p.m.-11 p.m. at the splishy-splashy “H2O” 

party at Radisson Suites Tucson 6555 E. Speedway 

Blvd. Enjoy entertainment from Tucson’s on Namoli 

Brennet and the super-sexy indie rocker Eric Himan! 

Hosted by Ajia Simone. Check out www.tucsonpride.com 

for more info. 

JUNE 2010 ION EVENTS LISTINGS 

DATE EVENT & LOCATION CITY 

4 & 18 Milagro Tequila Party at Bar1 Phoenix 

11 & 25 Sailor Jerry’s Party at Bar1 Phoenix 

12 Flagstaff Pride at Wheeler Park Flagstaff 

12 Gays Gone Wild Beach Party at BS West Scottsdale 

13 Pool Party at Amsterdam Phoenix 

18-20 Bisbee Pride Bisbee 

19 Pride Gala at Madison Events Center Phoenix 

19 Barbra Seville’s Birthday at Forbidden Scottsdale 

19 Neon Rave at BS West Scottsdale 

19 H2O & Tucson Pride Week Tucson 

26 Boy Rio Underwear Party at Forbidden Scottsdale 

26 Spartanettes at Apollo’s Phoenix 

26 iiMijo Summer Bash at Forbidden Scottsdale 

27 Sex & the City Party at Karamba Phoenix 

Check out bar and nightclub ads in this issue for daily & weekly specials! 


CINCO DE MAYO 


¡Las Reinas de Karamba! 

If you’re looking for some of the most spectacular drag in town, 

check out the lovely and talented muchachas at Karamba 

Nightclub! The Valley’s premiere Latino nightclub is home to The 

Grecia Show on Vertigo Tuesdays; The Diamond Show on Retro 

Wednesdays; the Ruby Reynolds and the Tyra Marie shows for 

Tejano Thursdays, and enjoy appearances by Galilea and other 

special guests, throughout the year, too! Everyone can have a great 

time at Karamba! Check out their ads on pages 4, 5 & 23 

JUNE 2010 ION DRAG LISTINGS 

DATE TIME LOCATION SHOW / PERFORMER(S) 

Mondays 9:00p Apollo’s Naughty or Nice Bingo with Ericka Knowles 

Wednesday 10:30 Cruisin’ 7th Judy’s Steppin’ Out 

Wednesdays 10:00p Charlie’s Claudia B. & Company 

Third Thursdays 10:00p Forbidden Miss Ruby’s Show 

Thursdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah 

Thursdays 9:30p Amsterdam Kiki Vermont 

Thursdays 10:30p Karamba Grecia’s Show 

Fridays 10:30p Cruisin’ 7th TGIF with Devina Ross 

 

Saturday May 15 6:00pm Babylon Miss Gay Valley of the Sun America Pageant 

Saturdays 10:30p Cruisin’ 7th Dream Girls with Regina Gazelle 

Saturdays 10:00p icepics The Follies Comedy Drag Show 

Saturdays 10:00p Forbidden The Barbra Seville Show 

Saturdays 9:30p Charlie’s Pussy’s Patio Show 

Saturdays 10:30p Pumphouse II Hot Bodz Male Revue w/ Savannah 

Sunday 6th 8 pm Apollo’s Afeelya Bunz & Miss Gay Az-America Preview 

Sunday 13th 8 pm Apollo’s T.C Taylor / Big Bootie Judy -Biggest Drag Queen Show 

Sunday 20th 8pm Apollo’s Mia Adams That Time Of The Month Show 

Saturday 26th 10 pm Apollo’s Meet the Spartan[ettes]- softball team turnabout 

Sunday the 27th 8 pm Apollo’s Barbra Sevilles That Time Of The Month 

Third Saturdays 1:00p Cruisin’ 7th Native American Revue 

1st & 2rd Sundays 12:30p Cruisin’ 7th Sunday Morning Madness 

Sundays 8:30p Charlie’s Pussy LeHoot & Friends 

Sundays 10:30p Karamba Galilea’s Show 

 

 


Music 

on Mill 

A showcase of local musicians performing on the streets covering various 

musical genres every Thursday night from 5-9 p.m. in downtown Tempe. 

 

distinguish them from the garden variety bums and Mill Rat regulars. Donate so they’ll return 

on a weekly basis. 

Phoenix Pet Expo 

This event brings trainers, groomers, rescues, shelters, 

vets, clinics, pet stores, retailers, hobbyist groups and 

societies together to educate, demonstrate and perform 

for pet lovers. There will be special guests, agility trials, 

adoptions and a pet fashion show, too. Saturday, June 

12, 10 a.m.-6 p.m And it’s free! University of Phoenix 

Stadium at 1 Cardinals Dr. in Glendale. or visit www. 

PhoenixPetExpo.com 

Miss Arizona 

Pageant 

You won’t believe your eyes. This is a pageant that actually 

features real biological girls, with real breasts and 

other real girly “parts” down there competing for a real 

fake crown. There’s no tucking, foam rubber, or beard 

stubble! Shocking how almost realistic they look, isn’t it? 

You can see the Miss Arizona Pageant from June 17-20 

at Mesquite High School in Gilbert, 500 S. McQueen Rd. 

Phone: 480-202-7980 or visit www.miss-arizona.org. 

JUNE 2010 ION AROUND TOWN LISTINGS 

DATE ARTIST / EVENT LOCATION 

Thursdays Music on Mill Downtown Tempe 

12 Bloomin’ Beerfest Phoenix 

12 Phoenix Pet Expo-Univ. of Phx. Stadium Glendale 

17-20 Miss Arizona Pageant at Mesquite High School Gilbert 

19 AZ Salsa Dance Festival at The Venue Scottsdale 

20 Father’s Day Your Dad’s House 

26 Miss Asia Arizona Pageant missasiaarizona.com 

26 WWW.IONAZ.COM June 2010 

May 2010 WWW.IONAZ.COM 27

CAKE 

Hey, Fashion Nuggets! Put on your Short Skirt/ 

Long Jacket! Shut your pieholes, because CAKE is coming 

to town! And their cover of “I Will Survive” is legendary. This 

funky, alternative, indie and frequently downright goofy band of 

intellectuals will be performing at the Marquee Theatre on Friday, 

June 18. 730 N. Mill Avenue. Phone: 480-829-0707 or get tix on www. 

luckymanonline.com. All the cool kids are going. 

Jordin Sparks 

Quiz: Who was the R&B songbird from Glendale who won 

American Idol? Nope. It wasn’t David “I’m Too Big For My 

Britches” Hernandez – it was the platinum singer/songwriter 

Jordin Sparks, the youngest AI winner ever! She’s 

coming home and will be performing at the Cricket Wireless 

Pavilion, 2121 N. 83rd Ave. Phone: 602-254-7200 or 

go to livenation.com for more info. 

Lilith Fair 

Hey, Grrrrls! It’s back! Founded 

by Sarah McLachlan and a concert 

favorite of Lesbians everywhere, 

Lilith Fair brings some of the best female 

recording artists around to perform in one place. And as an added 

bonus for you Gay boys – the Go-Go’s! A portion of the proceeds 

 

Cricket Wireless Pavilion, 2121 N. 83rd Ave. Phone: 602-254-7200 

or check out lilithfair.com for details and the full line-up. 

JUNE 2010 ION CONCERT CALENDAR 

DATE ARTIST / EVENT LOCATION 

6 Tony Bennett Dodge Theatre 602-379-2888 

7 50 Cent Marquee Theatre 480-829-0707 

8-9 Insane Clown Posse Marquee Theatre 480-829-0707 

15 Doobie Bros. & Chicago Dodge Theatre 602-379-2888 

17 Iron Maiden Cricket Wireless Pavilion 602-254-7200 

18 Country Throwdown Cricket Wireless Pavilion 602-254-7200 

18 Julio Iglesias Gila River Casino 800-WIN-GILA 

18 CAKE Marquee Theatre 480-829-0707 

23 Erykah Badu Marquee Theatre 480-829-0707 

29 Vans Warped Tour Cricket Wireless Pavilion 602-254-7200 

JULY 

1 Jordin Sparks Cricket Wireless Pavilion 602-254-7200 

2 MC Hammer Ft. McDowell Casino 602-843-3678 

8 Lilith Fair Cricket Wireless Pavilion 602-254-7200 


CINCO DE DRINKO 

Photos by Carlos Silva 

In addition to this battle of the divas, check 

out new albums from Lady Gaga (remixes 

import), Jack Johnson, Taio Cruz, Andy 

Bell (frontman for Erasure), the Chemical 

Brothers, Jewel, Sia, Macy Gray and the 

fourth full length from my favorite electronica 

artist of all time, Chicane. 

Robyn 

Body Talk #1 

After the mesmerizing 

smash “With Every 

Heartbeat,” the world has 

been anxiously waiting 

for a follow-up. With the 

 

 

over. This collection is pure music genius In 

every way. Those needing a bit of “Konichiwa 

Bitches” take note with “Fembot,” this album’s 

quirky, off-beat track. And then there’s 

“Dancing on my Own,” this collection’s near 

perfect tune and centerpiece. After one listen, 

you’ll be hooked. Also of note is the soulful 

“Cry when you get Older” and the island 

feel of Diplo’s “Dancehall Queen.” Look out 

Goldfrapp – you have new competition for 

“Best of” for 2010. 

Christina Aguilera 

Bionic 

After many delays, Bionic 

 

month. Though exact 

details are vague; look 

for this album to take fans 

to a realm of R&B, Pop 

and Electro. Getting help 

from Sia, Ladytron, the Neptunes, Tricky and 

Linda Perry, Bionic proves to be as diverse 

as Stripped and a 180 degree turn from Back 

to Basics. Lead single “Not Myself Tonight” is 

supercharged in a Lady Gaga-esque style as 

is “Glam,” 2010’s gritty ode to “Vogue;” while 

“You Lost Me” is this set’s epic masterpiece 

that is Aguilera at her best. And then there’s 

by Jackson David Kelly 

jacksonkelly@cox.net 

Yo, DJ! 

What’s New? 

rumored second single “WooHoo,” a track 

that can only be called daring, catchy and an 

ode to Hollaback Girls. 

Sarah McLachlan 

Laws of Illusion 

It’s been seven years 

since Afterglow and with 

all that she’s endured. it’s 

wondrous how infectious 

lead single “Loving You” 

proves to be. The opening 

piano riff and almost kneeslappin’ 

pace make this her most uplifting 

track to date. In addition, Illusion sees great 

support from featured tracks “Illusion of Bliss” 

and “Out of Time.” In conjunction we also see 

the reinvention of her famed 90s festival, The 

Lilith Tour. Packed with singer songwriters, 

Sarah’s poised to revitalize her brand as 

well as her career. Though Illusion falls a bit 

short of capturing the magic of time’s past, 

it’s great to hear this songstress back on the 

market. 

Cyndi Lauper 

Memphis Blues 

Playing Cyndi’s new disc 

is like taking a stroll down 

Bourbon Street. This 

release is nothing like 

she’s ever done and is 

beyond a concept album 

à la Aguilera’s Back to 

Basics. It’s gritty, full of life and resides with 

an energy that showcases songs that can 

only be called true blues. Though there are 

no potential hit “singles,” this album gets 

credible support from the country twang and 

piano bassline of “Early in the Morning” as 

well as the thunderous “Rollin’ and Tumblin.” 

Furthermore, “How Blue can you Get” and 

“Cross Roads” get supportive help from 

Johnny Lang and swagger with a sleek style 

 


EVIL DEAD: 

The Musical 

IF YOU MISS IT, YOu'Re DEAD! 

The comp. 

Don’t Be Jealous... 

Hi, I’m Damon Dering, the Artistic 

Director of Nearly Naked Theatre. And 

 

Arizona for asking me to 

come down and talk 

to them (and you) 

about what’s 

happening at 

Nearly Naked 

this June. 

I’m really 

excited 

about it! I’m 

so excited 

I could just 

… well ... 

DIE! We’re 

closing our 

11th season 

with a smash cult 

hit called Evil Dead: 

The Musical. I know 

what you’re thinking: “Isn’t Evil 

 

by Sam Raimi (Spiderman) and starring 

a young Bruce Campbell (Xena: Warrior 

Princess, They Call Me Bruce)?” The 

answer is “Yes.” A big cheesy, campy, 

hysterical “Yes.” 

their chocolate in each others’ peanut 

butter and created EVIL DEAD: THE 

MUSICAL. Now here’s where things 

get weird (here?); Sam Raimi actually 

signs off on the project, and a 

new cult musical is born! 

It stormed Canada, 

becoming a sensation. 

It transferred to New 

York, it traveled the 

world (truly; Japan and 

South Korea), selling 

out everywhere. And 

we’ve been trying for a 

couple of years to get 

Evil Dead: The Musical 

to Phoenix. We’ve 

begged. We’ve pleaded. 

We’ve summoned ancient 

evil forces with promises of 

blood and mayhem … and it’s 

 

But a musical based on a trilogy of 

movies (Evil Dead, Evil Dead II & Army 

of Darkness) can be tricky. Because as 

campy and silly as these movies might 

be to some, they changed the horror 

genre forever, they have a fan base of 

millions, and they were just so much 

f**king fun! Can a musical version of 

them be as much fun? Hell. Yes. 

See, some freaks in Canada loved 

by Damon Dering 

two things, the Evil Dead movies … 

and musical theatre. So they put 

photos by Jerry O’Conner 

32 WWW.IONAZ.COM June May 2010 


IN HELL WE DANCE OUR OWN SPECIAL WAY! 

LET'S SHOW 'EM HOW WE DANCE WHILE OUR BODIES DECAY! 

“How is that possible?” you ask. Easy 

answer: great rock music, more foul 

language than a Quentin Tarantino 

movie, blood splattering across the stage 

(and into the audience!), dismembered 

limbs and heads, demon zombies 

dancing and singing, and a super-sexy 

zombie-killing hero who spends all his 

time trying to “out-Bruce Campbell” 

Bruce Campbell. And you don’t have to 

 

 

and put them in your queue. See where 

mixing comedy and horror all started. 

It’s a tale as old as time (with absolutely 

 

 

Five college students break into an 

abandoned cabin deep in the woods, 

looking for cheap fun and easy romance. 

Instead, they awaken an ancient, 

slumbering evil. One by one they are 

possessed by demons and die in horrible 

ways and return to life as zombies … 

and occasionally burst into song. 

 

a young, handsome Housewares 

 

demons respond not only to chainsaws 

and shotguns, but also zippy one- 

liners and abs of steel. And just when 

Ash thinks he cannot do it all alone, a 

beautiful archeologist (the kind that only 

exist in horror movies) arrives with the 

information needed to send the demons 

back to Hell. But in order to translate the 

 

zombies’ powers to make nauseating 

bad puns, turn the trees into perverted 

date-rapists, bring road-kill back to unlife 

and, of course … wait for it … perform 

the Demon Dance of Death. 

I have almost hurt myself laughing 

during rehearsals, because the cast 

we’ve assembled for the Arizona 

Premiere of Evil Dead is so funny you 

could laugh yourself to death! ‘Talented’ 

and ‘sexy’ doesn’t even begin to cover 

the virtues of this powerhouse ensemble. 

They sing their rotting faces off, chew 

on your funny bone and dance ‘til they 

drop! Evil Dead: The Musical is such 

a good time you’ll want to come back 

again and again just to sit in the “Splatter 

 

covered in blood and gore! Wear white! 

You don’t have to thank me. 

June 2010 WWW.IONAZ.COM 35 



JOIN US! 

Demons have 

many shapes in 

EVIL DEAD: THE MUSICAL

EVIL DEAD: 

The musical 

...runs June 11th – July 3rd at 

 

100 E. McDowell Rd in Phoenix. 

Thursdays - Saturdays at 8pm 

Sundays at 6pm or 2pm (alternating). 

For tickets call (602) 254-2151 or 

www.nearlynakedtheatre.org 

Puppet Slam 

How funny would it be to see, say, King Friday or Cookie 

Monster or even sweet little Lambchop on stage saying cuss 

words and discussing things that puppets don’t usually talk 

about on Sesame Street 

Arizona Puppet Theatre in the heart of Phoenix, 302 W. Latham St. 

near the Deck Park and 3rd St. Friday and Saturday, June 4 & 5 at 8 

p.m. $8 in advance. $10 at the door. Call 602-262-2050 

In the Heights 

If you love NY then you’ll go crazy about this Tony award winning 

musical about a Manhattan community on the brink of change, 

full of hopes, dreams and pressures, where the biggest struggles 

can be deciding which traditions you take with you, and which 

ones you leave behind. See this blockbuster June 15-20 at ASU 

Gammage, 1200 S. Forest Ave. in Tempe. For info and tix call 480- 

965-3434 or visit www.ASUgammage.com 

Comedians of Chelsea Lately 

Although the foul-mouthed blonde will be absent, Chelsea’s chatterbox 

chumps Whitney Cummings, Jo Koy, Josh Wolf, and of course, her 

faithful sidekick Chuy will be be tickling your funnybone in the round at 

the Celebrity Theatre on Saturday, June 19. 440 N. 32nd St. For tix call 

602-267-1600 x 1 or visit www.celebritytheatre.com 

JUNE 2010 ION THEATER + STANDUP 

DATE EVENT LOCATION PHONE 

4-5 Puppet Slam AZ Puppet Theatre 602-262-2050 

11-7/25 Footloose AZ B’way Theatre 623-776-8400 

12 Louie Anderson Gila River Casino 800-WIN-GILA 

12-7/3 Evil Dead: The Musical Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 

thru 13 Always ... Patsy Cline Phoenix Theatre 602-254-2151 

15-20 In the Heights ASU Gammage 480-965-5062 

thru 19 Bill W. & Dr. Bob B’way Palms Dinner Theatre 480-325-6700 

19 Comedians of Chelsea Lately Celebrity Theatre 602-267-1600 

24 Best of the Best Showcase Comedy Spot in Scottsdale 480-945-4422 

thru 7/11 Agnes of God Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre 480-483-1664 

thru 7/25 Art Scotts. Desert Stages Theatre 480-483-1664 


y Kimberly M. Ruff 

kimberlymruff@yahoo.com 

The popular wisdom of “if it ain’t broke, don’t 

 

 

decisions to green-light a project hinge on, 

“if it ain’t broke, make 

it again!” So here 

are some more 

remakes, gritty 

reboots, and old 

hats. 

The 

Karate 

Kid 

Starring: Jaden 

Smith, Jackie 

 

For years after I saw the 

original The Karate Kid (1984), I 

stood on the low block fence in front of my 

childhood home and did The Crane, sneering 

at classmates from my grade school who 

rode by on their Huffy bikes. I am no expert 

on causality, but I am pretty certain that these 

shenanigans were right around the time I 

started getting beat-up at school. Little did I 

know that there’s a lot more to martial arts 

than The Crane and yelling “sweep the leg!” I 

think I missed the point of the movie. 

What I did know, however, is that The Karate 

Kid was a classic of both screen and popular 

culture. Kids everywhere became convinced 

that a little bit of training with a wise Asian 

man was the going to be the cure for all 

that ailed us. Lord knows I spent many a 

weekend waxing Mr. Hong’s, the owner 

of New Korean Buffet, Honda Accord 

in the hope of getting a fortune cookie 

worth of wisdom from him. All I got 

were blisters. 

Movie Previews 

very large shoes of Ralph Macchio and 

Pat Morita, respectively. Smith plays Dre 

Parker, an American immigrant who moves 

from Detroit to China with his mother. When 

some of the kids at his school begin bullying 

him, he enlists the help of Maintenance 

Man/Martial Arts Expert, Mr. Han 

(). Agreeing to train him in 

exchange for him going toe-to-toe 

with the bullies at an upcoming 

tournament, the adventure 

begins. Release Date: 

06/11/2010. 

Joan Rivers : A 

Piece of Work 

Starring: Joan Rivers 

Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work is a 

 

Joan Rivers, the brash, sassy comedienne, 

Red Carpet Commentator, and the First Lady 

of Plastic Surgery. Following her throughout 

her 76 th year on this planet, the documentary 

explores the hurdles Rivers has to overcome 

as she navigates through an Industry 

overrun by youth and beauty. Peppered with 

Rivers’ usual self-deprecating humor and 

raspy commentary, Joan Rivers: A Piece of 

Work is a must see for fans. Release Date: 

06/11/2010. 

In this gritty reboot, Jaden Smith 

and 

40 WWW.IONAZ.COM June 2010

y Wes Bergman 

wesobergman@yahoo.com 

Sometimes in Life 

Starring: Sara Stepnicka, Eric Morrison, 

Jon E. Livernois 

When what you’ve been doing is no 

longer working, where do you go from 

here? Such is the question 

of Sometimes in Life, an 

 

two very different people 

– fashion designer, 

 

photographer, Rob – 

 

at an impasse in 

their personal lives. 

Jill (Stepnicka) 

has begun to feel an 

unwelcome cooling in 

her romantic relationship and 

Morrison) father 

recently passed and the reality gives 

 

self-destructive behaviors. As both run 

from pillar to post in their confusion and 

frustration, their paths serendipitously 

cross and a new, surprising friendship is 

formed – one that gives Jill the strength to 

acknowledge what she’s known all along 

and stand up for herself, and gives Rob 

the moral support he needs to make some 

very important changes in his life. 

The Facts of Life Go 

to Paris & Season2 

Starring: 

Welchel, Nancy McKeon, Mindy 

 

This is my second attempt at writing 

a review for this movie, because 

 

“OMGWTFBBQ!?!” After ION’s 

publisher told me he doesn’t pay me to 

DVD Movie Review 

write crap, I had to go back to the drawing 

board. But seriously – OMGWTFBBQ!?! 

When I was growing up in the 1980s, I 

never once watched The Facts of Life. 

I was too busy dressing like Punky 

Brewster and hanging out my father’s 

basement in Toledo trying to build 

my own Small Wonder to give 

a crap about the adventures 

of Squinty, Blondie, Butch, 

Brace-Face, and their 

headmistress, Ginger Midget 

(The correct character name 

and actor is listed in the 

order referenced by the writer: 

Natalie/Cohn, Blaire/Welchel, 

Jo/McKeon, Tootie/Fields, and 

Mrs. Garrett/Rae. – Ed.) But now 

that I’m all grown up and have learned 

the hard way that you cannot make a robot 

using a mannequin and two AA batteries, 

 

spent. 

42 WWW.IONAZ.COM June May 2010 


In The Facts of 

Life Go to Paris, the troop goes 

to France so the girls can take additional 

lessons overseas and Mrs. Garrett will 

earn a culinary degree in order to upgrade 

from Headmistress to Headmistress/ 

Dietician. Most of the in school stuff is 

condensed into a very short, uninteresting 

 

trip to Paris where, presumably, the real 

adventure begins. 

After sneaking away from their tour group, 

Blaire, Natalie, and Tootie check out the 

city while Jo heads to the country to catch 

a motor-cross race only to be thrown off 

course by fate and fall in love with a young 

Frenchman (and all this time I was certain 

 

 

affairs and strikes out on her own while 

Natalie and Tootie end up pestering an 

American writer and somehow rescue 

him from the depths of his alcoholism. 

Très romantique! 

is the worst! I was politely informed by a 

The Facts of Life connoisseur that Tootie 

serves as the moral compass for the 

group, but all I could think when she was 

advising Natalie “Screw Your 18 Inches of 

Personal Space and Pay Attention to Me” 

Green to help out the alcoholic writer was 

“Hello, Budding Codependent/Enabler!” 

If this show was supposed to teach us 

lessons about grace, humility, humanity, 

and navigating the rough waters of female 

adolescence, I can now see why so many 

of my women friends are in therapy. So 

good job, The Facts of Life! Looks like you 

left the good and took the bad and in the 

end, what was had? 90 minutes of crap. 

And 22 episodes. 


Oregano’s 

A Taste of Chicago in Our Own Backyard 

Chicago. City of the Big Shoulders. 

Mobsters. Ferris Bueller. That 

toddlin’ town is famous for everything 

from bootlegging to Mrs. O’Leary’s 

pyromaniac cow. But don’t forget, 

Chicago is also the ancestral Italian- 

American home of Oregano’s loving 

Gibbilini family. They weren’t part of Al 

Capone’s famous St. Valentine’s Day 

Massacre – as far as we know – but 

since 1929 (the same year as the mob’s 

massacre, coincidentally) they’ve been 

part of the hallowed tradition of creating 

Chicago thin crust and Chicago style 

 

food including pasta, lasagna, insalata 

and other culinary creations with their 

own Old Country/New World spin. 

Enter owner Mark Russell, the creator 

and mastermind of locally owned and 

operated Oregano’s Pizza Bistro. Chef 

Ken Likewise has tailored the hallowed 

recipes of old Mama Gibbilini dating 

back to the 1920s to suit the 

bistro’s enthusiastic audience, 

and created a few zingers of 

his own. Starting off with one 

humble location in Old Town 

Scottsdale – which is ripe 

with a few hot tomatoes and 

spicy peppers you won’t 

 

expanded to eight homey, 

festive locations statewide. 

Whether you’re seated 

outside on an airy patio with 

a Chicago mural, or inside at 

one of their vast, colorful chinlevel 

tables, you’d better be 

ready to tuck into their pancia-pleasing 

pizza, pasta and more. 

Try starting off with the mind-blowing 

Guaca-Tony. You’ll get a generous pan 

of buttery, crisp “pizza chips” with a 

bowl of Italian style guacamole, made 

with basil, roasted garlic, red onion and, 

of course, avocado. It’s all handmade, 

and only $8.69. Eight more appetizers 

are available, including mind-bending 

mushrooms, calamari, and toasted 

ravioli. 

If you’d like to start of your meal – or 

even make a meal – with something 

fresh from the garden, choose from nine 

different crisp, cool salads. Oregano’s 

Favorite is a crowd-pleaser. Romaine, 

sundried 


tomatoes, kalamata 

olives, their spiced feta 

cheese, roasted red peppers, red 

onions, pine nuts and raisins are 

tossed with a house-made honey 

vinaigrette. A huge plate is $8.69. Add 

grilled chicken for a few bucks more. 

If you’ve got a Sear’s Tower sized 

appetite, try one of Oregano’s four 

Chicago Style stuffed pizzas. Their 

classic Numero One-o is a combo 

of homemade sausage, pepperoni, 

mushrooms, onions and green peppers 

is enough to start another Haymarket 

Riot. These hefty pizzas start at $18.95 

– and trust me. You’ll have leftovers. 

And just as delicious the next day. I 

know. 

Eleven varieties of Chicago style 

thin crust or pan pizza are available, 

running the gamut from the traditional 

to the creative, such as the Southwest 

Signature with cilantro pesto, chicken, 

cotija cheese or a Rosemary Chicken 

Potato pie. Looking for something 

extra? You’ve got a whopping 45 

different additional toppings to choose 

from that you can add. Yes, including 

anchovies. 

Pasta la vista, baby! Watching carbs? 

Fageddaboudit! Let loose and ca- 

“noodle” up to one of their seven 

inventive pasta options. The Big Rig 

Pasta offers a huge bowl of rigatoni 

pasta covered with a tomato-chipotle 

cream sauce, chopped basil, diced 

Roma tomatoes and parmesan. Rich 

and racy! Oregano’s also features 

three varieties of lasagna, all baked 

fresh. With a 30-45 minute, plan 

ahead. You won’t regret it, bambinos. 

It’s great to know that Oregano’s 

offers whole grain wheat pizza crust 

and whole grain wheat. Not only that, 

they’ve got several vegetarian pizza ‘n’ 

pasta options available. And if you’re 

in a rush, try their Midday Rush menu: 

Bolla Pasta, the mini stuffed Pizza of 

the Day or a Heckuva Slice. You’ll be 

in-and-out with this special since there 

 

wait for these lunches. 

Best of all, with six convenient 

locations in the Valley, you don’t have 

to be Abe Frohman, the Sausage King 

of Chicago to get a table, either. 

Oregano’s 

For locations and hours and a full 

menu, visit www.oreganos.com 

GAY-FRIENDLY RESTAURANT GUIDE 

ADDRESS TYPE PHONE 

Acacia Cafe 3701 E. Indian School - Phx Cafe 602-956-0908 

AZ 88 7353 Scottsdale Mall - Scotts. American 480-994-5576 

FEZ 3815 N. Central Ave. - Phx Moroccan Fusion 602-287-8700 

Hanny’s 40 N. 1st Street - Phx Contemporary 602-252-2285 

Hana Japanese Eatery 7th Ave. at Missouri Japanese 602-973-1238 

Harley’s Bistro 4221 N. 7th Ave. - Phx Italian 602-234-0333 

Mama Mia’s 3937 E. Indian School - Phx Pizza / Carryout 602-508-0444 

Mama Mia’s 806 E. Indian School - Phx Pizza / Carryout 602-277-5512 

Mazie’s 4750 N. Central Ave. - Phx Cafe/Bistro 602-274-2828 

Mi Patio 3347 7th Ave at Osborn - Phx Mexican 602-277-4831 

My Florist Cafe & Bar 534 W. McDowell - Phx American 602-254-0333 

Pink Spot 49 W. Thomas Road - Phx Ice Cream/Coffee 602-265-3889 

Switch 2603 N. Central Ave. Cont. American 602-264-2295 

Thai E-San 616 W. Indian School - Phx Thai 602-297-8888 

Ticoz 5114 N. 7th St - Phx Caribbean Fusion 602-200-0160 

Z Pizza (Central Phx) 53 W. Thomas Rd. - Phx Pizza/Subs 602-234-3289 

Z Pizza (Downtown) 111 W. Monroe St - Phx Pizza/Subs 602-254-4145 

Z Pizza (North Phx) 1367 N.Tatum Blvd - Phx Pizza/Subs 602-765-0511 


NIGHT FOR LIFE 



WWW.IONAZ.COM June 2010 51

DJ 

Larry Tee 

“Gettin’ LICKY wit it!” 

Deon Brown 

DJ Larry Tee has been dubbed the 

“Andy Warhol of dance music” and 

describes his sound as “packing more 

attitude than Lily Allen on a bad hair 

day.” Others say it has “a vivacious mix 

of booty bass and disposable techno.” 

Hailing from Atlanta, Georgia, DJ Larry 

Tee started and named the infamous 

DISCO 2000 of Party Monster movie 

fame, and DJ’ed at New York City’s 

legendary nightclub, the ROXY. He 

has played alongside Lady 

Gaga, The Pet Shop 

Boys, Kraftwerk, 

The Gorillas, New 

Order, LCD 

Soundsystem, 

N*E*R*D, 

Chemical 

Brothers, The 

Cure, Katy 

Perry and 

Fatboy Slim 

and others 

and at festivals 

worldwide. 

DJ Larry 

paused between 

engagements in 

London to answer a few 

questions about his “street cred,” 

his historic musical collaborations, and 

his upcoming appearance at “Crotch 

Rockitt” at Forbidden Nightclub this 

month. 

ION: You’re the music producer 

who helped launch the music 

careers of the B-52s with 

“Rock Lobster,” RuPaul, Scissor 

Sisters, Peaches, and more. 

Fischerspooner, How do you 

spot “The Next Big Thing”? 

Well, let me make clear 

that I was in the band the FANS that 

produced the B-52s “Rock Lobster,” 

but that was before I was in the band, 

and I only helped promote the talents 

of the bands above. Though I co-wrote 

“Supermodel (You Better Work)” for 

RuPaul, all the above talents were 

were making music already, I only tried 

to give them exposure and a stage to 

practice their talents on. “The Next Big 

Thing” is really looking for exciting new 

music and talent and listening to my 

heart to see what excites me. I’m very 

excitable! 

ION: You coined 

and trademarked 

the music term 

“electroclash” 

in 2001. Can 

you tell us 

more about 

that? 

 

In 2001, I took 

a course which 

suggests that 

you do things 

that touch, move 

and inspire you. At 

the time I was superexcited 

about the electro 

acts that were starting to appear, 

like Fischerpooner, Chicks On Speed, 

Peaches, Ladytron, and ADULT. and 

was working on a girl-group of my 

own called WIT. So when I had to do 

a project for the course, I decided to 

do a festival with all the above artists 

and named the festival “Electroclash.” 

The festival became legendary and 

the name got highjacked – not that I 

minded. he he he hee 

ION: Is it true that your roadtrip 

from Atlanta to New York 

 

Thanks for Everything, Julie 

Newmar”? 


DJ 

Not sure. 

But I came to NYC with RuPaul 

and Lahome van Zandt, two legendary 

Atlanta drag queens in a van in 1987 

and we had made similar trip with the 

Lady Bunny in tow, also. It just seems 

[true] ethnically and esthetically; there 

are a ton of similarities to the two 

stories. But those girls in the movies 

weren’t as beautiful or as talented as 

the girls we had in our van. 

ION: You DJ’d at New York’s 

legendary Roxy. Was that the 

“golden age” of club music? 

Well, 

certainly my three years 

as the main Saturday 

night DJ was a good 

time 

to be DJing. 

At the time the songs like “Gypsie 

Woman” by Crystal Waters, “Ride On 

TIme” by Blackbox, “Groove is in the 

Heart” by Deee-Lite and Madonna 

 

and going into the top 40, which is 

not something that happens anymore, 

really, very often. I did love spinning 

for 3000 people each week! It was 

more of a re-birth of New York nightlife 

because, after the HIV/AIDS epidemic 

that destroyed the Gay scene in NYC, 

 

bringing new life and music to New 

York. 

ION: What is the future of club 

music and the club scene? 

Hell, if I know! I 

do worry about the club scene in 

America because often 

the crowds don’t 

want to dance to 

something they 

can’t already 

sing along 

with – which 

is really the 

death to 

new music. 

Of course, 

its important 

to play songs 

that people are 

familiar with 

also, but I always 

went to clubs to 

get lost in some 

amazing new music 

or feeling of discovery. 

“Supermodel (You Better 

Work).” You’ve also worked 

with Amanda Lepore with her 

anthem, “My P*ssy,” re-edited 

Kelly’s “Shoes” and remixed 

for Lady Gaga. What have been 

your favorite collaborations? 

How could I pick just 

one collaboration? I loved working with 

Perez Hilton, who is a lot nicer than 

anyone thinks. I just did a yet-to-bereleased 

song about Gay hate crime 

victim Matthew Sheppard, which was a 

great collaboration with Andy Bell from 

Erasure. 

ION: What can clubbers and 

music fans expect at your June 

18 appearance at Forbidden? 

Any surprises for us? 

OMG! I can only say that 

if they come to dance with open ears 

I will knock their socks off. And if they 

come to hear songs they already know, 

then they will probably be rewarded 

also. But I have some new remixes 

of Kele from Bloc Party, and Roisin 

Murphy and the Crookers that I’m going 

to throw down. 

ION: Tell us about your debut 

album of original material, 

“Club Badd” including the hit, 

“LICKY.” 

I am so happy that 

“LICKY” has taken on a life of its own 

from off my album that came out about 

a year ago. It’s in the new Russell 

Brand movie [Get Him To The Greek] 

and in the TV show NCSI as well as 

tailored to be a song from Motown 

artist, Sonttelle. Steve Aoki even put 

Santogold rapping on it when he put 

it on his compilation. Now, the song 

“Let’s Make Nasty” is getting the same 

 

months on the top downloads charts. 

It’s amazing that after having been a 

drug addict for years and getting clean 

12 years ago, that now I’m making the 

best music of my career and having 

more fun than ever. Thanks NA! I have 

so many friends from Phoenix and 

am super excited to come down and 

kick some butts – in a friendly way of 

course! 

You can catch the legendary 

spinmeister DJ Larry Tee throwin’ it 

down hardcore at “Crotch Rockitt” on 

Friday, June 18 at Forbidden Nightclub 

in Scottsdale, 6820 E. 5th Ave. You can 

follow Crotch Rockitt and Forbidden 

on Facebook or visit www.forbiddenaz. 

com for events and updates. 

ION: In 1992 you 

co-wrote RuPaul’s 

legendary 


FIRST GAY KICK-BALL LEAGUE! 


Photos by Nancy Nelson 


SPLASH BASH 

MORE PICTURES ON PAGE 62-63 

PARTY CAM 


GAY DAY 

58 WWW.IONAZ.COM June 2010 WWW.IONAZ.COM June 2010

The New 

You Starts HERE! 


SPLASH BASH X 

BENEFITING 1N10 



WITH JESSICA & HUNTER 


Carlos Silva 

J.C. Gardiner 

Beth Crosby 

Craig Rubin 

Felipe Caldeira 

Casey Cassidy 

Deon Brown 

Michelle King 

Ryan Jenkins 

Christine Jenkins 

Clayton McKee 

Marco 

Noah 

Breanna Flippen 

Heather Johnson 

Mario Vasquez 

Bradford Crespo 

Antonio Espinoza 

Nathan Gilligan 

Raul Zubiate Jr. 


Sam Marrero 

Dan Dykas 

Brian 

Charles Pittman 

Edward Foster 

 

Justin Hunsley 

Todd Kostenko 

Jamie Henderson-Mays 

Lloyd Henderson-Mays 

Michael 

Blane 

Patrick Wells 

Joey Sarandos 

Rob 

Brock 

Matt 

John 

Bobby 

Eric Irestone 

Special thanks to Nick Ray, Micheal Weakly and 

the staff of Wet ‘n’ Wild- Phoenix! 

Photography - Jerry O’Conner | Art - Kevin Bushaw 

Models are Christine, Bigtime, Mako, and Luke 

Special Thanks to AZ Pole Dancing Studio, Dick’s Cabaret, BS West, 

Boom Boom Larue’s 602-265-3441 

& Sebastian’s Locker Room 602-255-0212

Christine breaks it down 

at the AZ Pole Dancing Studio’s 

Weekly Classes for guys and girls. 

Check out azpoledancestudio.com 

AZ Pole Dancing Studio’s Mako 

narrowly avoids the Croc in a 

Leather-clasped Suit from Pistol Pete, 

Available at Boom Boom LaRue’s 

(just north of Osborn on 16th Street) 


Luke from BS West 

Rumbles in the Jungle in Colt 

Racer Briefs and Leather 

Armband from 

Sebastian’s Locker-room 

(inside the Antique ArtiZen Market 

on 7th Ave. and Osborn) 


Christine, Mako of AZ Pole Dancing Studio, and 

Bigtime show off some real acrobatics! Book a class, 

or swing by Dick’s Cabaret to get a close-up demonstration! 

Bigtime’s Blue Zebra Boxer-Briefs are from Boom Boom LaRue’s 


Luke, Go Go Boy Extraordinaire from from BS West 

sports 1/2 a suit from Greg Homme, available at Boom Boom LaRue’s 


Mako is the Owner and Instructor 

at AZ Pole Dancing Studio 

Swimwear from 

Boom Boom LaRue’s


SYA 

La Voz De Oro 


“BORIIIICUAAAAA” 

and a crowd of 1200 people go 

wild at DJ Freddie Entertainment’s 2010 4th 

Annual Puerto Rican Festival, that took place inside 

Graham Central Station in Tempe, Arizona. SYA - La 

Voz De Oro or The Golden Voice is known as the face 

of Arizona’s Puerto Rican community. Having 

the honor of opening up for Puerto 

Rico’s Ray De La Paz, Tito 

Rojos, Don Omar’s Marcy’s 

Place and Luisito Ayala Y 

La Puerto Rican Power, 

her dynamic vocals, 

stage presence and 

diverse background 

SYA has been 

winning the hearts 

and interest of 

many. She not 

only won the 

heart’s of her 

Latino community, 

but also the gay 

community. This 

bilingual artist 

was privileged to 

be involved with 

the Arizona’s 2010 

Pride Festival that took 

place at Indian Steele Park. 

Performing on the same main 

stage that Joan Jet, Colby O’Donis 

and Nina Sky performed on, SYA presented 

herself as Donna Summers and Janet 

Jackson under the RISE production. She 

was also able to perform her new hit single 

“Attitude” produced by award winning 

Latin producer Joe Zazueta. Not new 

to the gay community, SYA has worked 

professionally as a dancer, actor and singer 

with Luis Egurrola a.k.a Big Weezy who is 

owner of EPIK Dance Company and lead 

choreographer for Phoenix Mercury and 

Phoenix Suns. Soon to be release this 

summer SYA’s album “BELIEVE” will be 

a mix of electro pop, dance and touch of 

sazon a Latin spice. SYA has performed 

Nationally and Internationally. And for 

those of you who would like to see SYA in 

action she will be live on stage at Forbidden 

Nightclub on Saturday, June 26th, 2010 

brought to you by iiMijo Productions and Dj 

Shy Entertainment. 

ION: WHAT CAN YOUR FANS 

EXPECT FROM YOUR UPCOMING 

ALBUM “BELIEVE”? 

SYA: I know they are going to love it. The 

album was produced and developed for my 

fans who love to dance and have a good 

time. Most of the songs on the album are 

very sassy and upbeat. But one song in 

particular was produced to inspire my fans, 

which is the the song “Believe”. I wanted to 

give my fans and listeners a song that will 

allowed them to pick themselves back up if 

 

ION: WHAT’S YOUR CONNECTION 

WITH THE GAY COMMUNITY? 

SYA: It’s been a big part of me since I 

started in the entertainment industry. I 

have lot’s of close friends who are gay. I 

have been in the entertainment industry 

for over 10 years and I have had so many 

great experiences! The honest truth is 

that I depend on my close gay friends for 

fashion, dance, music and style advice! The 

community has treated me with love and 

respect and very appreciative towards my 

music and presentations. We always have a 

great time together. 

ION: WHAT CAN THE AUDIENCE 

EXPECT TO SEE IN YOUR SHOW? 

SYA: Lot’s of energy and “ATTITUDE” 

with my live vocals! I like to do a lot of 

audience participation, so my audience can 

be a part of my show. Positive and happy 

synergy is what I like portray for my fans 

and audience. I also have a professional 

dance background, so I always have 

choreography included in my performances. 

Always have to make it rock don’t stop!!! 

ION: ARE THERE ANY ARTIST YOU 

WOULD LIKE TO COLLABERATE 

WITH? 

SYA: It such a wide range question, but 

right now David Guetta, Pit Bull and Will I 

Am, will be a dream collaboration. But also 

because of my Latin background and future 

Salsa album, I would love to work with Marc 

Anthony. I believe that our vocal dynamics 

will blend in very nicely in a song. I have 

been getting a lot of request on a Latin 

Salsa album so right now we are working 

with a few Latin producers. 

ION: I’VE SEEN THAT YOU OPEN 

UP FOR A LOT OF GREAT ARTIST, 

WHICH ONE IS MOST MEMORABLE? 

SYA: I have to say Tito Rojas, when I 

performed at the 3rd Annual Arizona 

Salsa Festival sponsored by azsalsa.net! 

Because he is a legend in Salsa music, my 

parents grew up in Puerto Rico listening to 

him. So it was an honor for me to be on the 

same stage of an icon. The energy of the 

audience was amazing, the best part of it all 

was meeting Tito Rojas and manager back 

stage and them calling me “Celia Cruz” who 

is the Queen of Salsa, may her soul rest in 

peace. It was a very humbling and heart 

warming experience. 

ION: SO, WHATS NEXT FOR SYA? 

SYA: My goal is to release two albums this 

year! One will be “Believe” which is my 

dance electro- pop album and my other one 

will be my Spanish Salsa album. But most 

importantly generate good music to make 

people happy! I have a mission in my life to 

spread love, peace and happiness. 

For more information on SYA’s presentation 

at Forbidden Nightclub on Saturday, June 

27th go www.iimijo.com or facebook @ 

www.facebook.com/syamusic or www. 

myspace.com/syamusik. 


JUNE 2010 Vol. 4, Issue 3 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

ANY Unfair RESEMBLANCE and TO unbalanced. THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY We decide. ACCIDENTAL 

Mani-Pedicabs? Relax. 

It’s Palmolive. 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

SCOTTSDALE – 

“The Dirty” set of 

Scottsdale, Trust 

Fund Babies and 

other 30 Thousand 

Dollar Millionaire’s 

of The West’s Most 

Western Town 

eagerly greeted 

an upgrade to the 

popular Pedicabs. 

These trendy 

rickshaws ferry 

drunken Scottsdale 

d-bags and bleached 

hair and teeth bimbos 

from one hoity-toity 

watering hole to 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

another every night. 

But serious binge 

drinkers need to look 

ANY good RESEMBLANCE from head to TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY his ACCIDENTAL 

pedicure. “I’m 

toe. That’s where Li-Li’s Hoof ‘n’ Hair & 

Nail Detail comes in. They’ve partnered with 

Pronto Pedicabs for a novel concept: the 

Scottsdale Mani-Pedicabs. Dames and dudes 

can get their nails done while they’re on the 

go from one lush bar’s imported beer bust to 

another’s 1 cent u-call-it special. 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

Caitlyn and Britney from DC Ranch agreed. 

“Ohmigod! Like, we both totally got French 

Manipedicab manipedis 

on our way 

from Frank and 

Lupe’s to Suede 

last Saturday! I 

would’ve got a 

salt scrub, too, 

except we had 

to stop while I 

held Britney’s 

extensions back 

when she puked. 

I told her not to 

eat that quesadilla 

after doing 18 shots 

of Patron at Dos 

Gringos.” 

ManiPedicabs are 

a big hit with the 

men, too. Blade 

Shipp, 28, enjoyed 

Metrosexual,” he said. “Okay, so I shave 

my toe knuckles and wax my eyebrows. 

And just because I give bj’s once in a 

while doesn’t make me Gay. I always get a 

Manipedicab pedi before I go to BS West on 

Wednesdays. I only do clear polish, FYI.” 

Prices start at $30 for manicures, $50 for 

pedicures. Tips are appreciated. No credit 

cards, please. 

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL

OUTRAGEOUS! 

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” 

Repeal Close. Pentagon 

Plans Circuit Party. 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

WASHINGTON, 

D.C. – President 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

Obama’s promise 

to repeal the 

military’s hated 

“Don’t Ask, 

Don’t Tell” policy 

concerning Gays 

in the armed 

services instituted 

by Pres. Bill 

Clinton in 1993 is 

coming to fruition. 

The House of 

Representatives 

recently voted 229-196 and the Senate 

Armed Services Committee voted 16-12 in 

favor to repeal the law prohibiting Gays who 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

serve in the military and openly acknowledge 

their sexual orientation and are still willing 

to die for their country. 

ANY Inside RESEMBLANCE sources report that Gays TO TO currently THE THE TRUTH six IS aircraft IS TRAGICALLY carriers scheduled ACCIDENTAL 

to arrive at 

working in the Pentagon are planning a huge 

circuit party called “We’re Telling, Girl!” 

which will be organized by veteran party 

mogul and event planner Jeffrey Sanker. 

“It’s going to be incredible,” Sanker said. 

“with an estimated 66,000 Gays, Lesbians 

and Bisexuals serving in the U.S. military, 

and 13,000 currently on active duty plus 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

53,000 in the National Guard and Reserves, 

this party is going 

to be off the hook, 

Mary. The men 

have all the hot, 

sexy uniforms and 

muscles, while the 

Lesbians – well 

– they certainly 

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL 

have comfortable 

shoes.” 

Events are 

expected to 

include a Friday 

Night “Dog Tag 

Team” party, and Saturday night party 

themed “Barrack Backing” where The 

Village People will open for the legendary 

chanteuse Lady Gaga. Sunday morning 

the Navy will prepare a lovely brunch, and 

that afternoon Kylie Minogue will sing at a 

Tea Dance, slated to take place on deck of 

Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. More than 100,000 

 

on order. 

One Gay Marine exclaimed, “Girlfriend, 

once we come out of the footlocker – look 

out! We’re going into Afghanistan and Iraq 

and we’re gonna have a bitch-slap Jihad 

 

doing it, too, bitches.” 

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO THE TRUTH IS TRAGICALLY June 2010 WWW.IONAZ.COM ACCIDENTAL 83

OUTRAGEOUS! 

White House Kitchen Quits! 

Chef Orders Take Out for Calderon 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

OUTRAGEOUS! 


Black Bean Tamalon with Grilled Green 

Beans. 

WASHINGTON, D.C. – White House 

insiders report that Pres. Obama’s State 

Dinner for Mexico’s President Felipe 

 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

largely undocumented Mexican kitchen 

staff suddenly quit to protest Arizona’s 

SB 1070 and McCain’s continuing push 

to “build that dang fence” across the two 

nation’s shared border. 

“It was shocking,” said one White House 

waiter. “Chef Rick Bayless had a delicious 

menu. The staff suddenly scattered, afraid 

of American INS and deportation when 

security for Pres. Calderon arrived.” 

“Not true,” said an anonymous cook. “With 

no help, we had to go to seventeen area 

Taco Bells and ordered everything they 

had on the menu. Gorditacos, Tostiladas, 

Burritamales, Salsadillas, Tachos, 

Chimirritos. Authentic Mexican recipes 

Americans know that Mexicans love. Who 

do they think is going to prepare the food 

and wash the dishes? Some Senator’s 

blonde-haired son who wants $45 an hour? 

I don’t think so.” 

ANY RESEMBLANCE TO TO THE THE TRUTH IS IS TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTAL 

Calderon and First Lady Margarita Zavala 

 

tables, launder the tablecloths and mow the 

White House lawn after dinner. 

The White House Press Association 

reported that the menu was prepared with 

OUTRAGEOUS! 

 

Wagyu Beef in Oaxacan Black Mole and 

After all, they do have their papers. 





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IONPHOENIX 

Amsterdam 718 718 N. N. Central Ave. - - Downtown Phoenix PHX (602) 258-6122 

5749 N. - Phoenix (602) Apollo’s 5749 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 277-9373 

Bar 1 

Babylon Showclub 

3708 N. 16th St. - Phoenix 

3613 E Van Buren, Phoenix 

(602) 266-9001 

(602) 306-1000 

BS West 7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale (480) 945-9028 

Bar 1 3702 N. 16th St. - Phoenix (602) 266-9001 

Bunkhouse 4428 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 200-9154 

BS West 

Cash Inn 

7125 E. 5th Ave. - Scottsdale 

2140 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix 

(480) 945-9028 

(602) 244-9943 

Bunkhouse Charlie’s 4428 727 N. W. 7th Camelback Ave. - Rd. Phoenix - Phoenix (602) (602) 200-9154 265-0224 

Cash Cherry Inn Bar 2140 1028 E. E. McDowell Indian School Rd. Rd. - - Phoenix (602) 244-9943 277-7729 

Charlie’s Cherry Lounge 

727 Every W. Thursday Camelback starting Rd. January - Phoenix 11th - Mill Ave. (602) in 265-0224 Tempe 

The Chute Men’s Club 1440 E Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 234-1654 

Cherry Bar 1028 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 277-7729 

Clarendon Hotel 401 W. Clarendon Ave. - Phoenix (602) CLARENDON 

Cruisin’ 7th 3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 212-9888 

Club Vibe 3031 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix (602) 224-9977 

Dick’s Cabaret 3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix (602) 274-DICK 

Cruisin’ 7th 3702 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 212-9888 

FLEX Men’s Club 1517 S Black Canyon Hwy - Phoenix (602) 271-9011 

Dick’s Cabaret 3432 E. Illini Rd. - Phoenix (602) 274-DICK 

Forbidden The Door 6820 1126 E. N. 5th Scottsdale Ave. - Rd. Scottsdale - Tempe forbiddenaz.com 

(480) 967-DOOR 

icepics Forbidden videobar 3108 6820 E. E. McDowell 5th Ave. - Scottsdale Rd. - Phoenix (602) forbiddenaz.com 267-8707 

Incognito 

Homme 

2424 

138 

E. 

W. 

Thomas 

Camelback 

Rd. 

Rd. 

- Phoenix (602) 

(602) 

955-9805 

266-0875 

icepics videobar 

Karamba 



(602) 267-8707 

(602) 254-0231 

Incognito 2424 E. Thomas Rd. - Phoenix (602) 955-9805 

Kobalt 3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix (602) 264-5307 

Karamba 1724 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 254-0231 

Nu Towne 5002 E Van Buren St. - Phoenix (602) 267-9959 

Kobalt 3110 N. Central Ave. - Phoenix (602) 264-5307 

OZ OZ 1804 1804 W. W. Bethany Bethany Home Home Rd. Rd. - Phoenix - Phoenix (602) (602) 242-5114 242-5114 

Paradise Plazma Adult Boutique 130 1560 W. E. Osborn Rd. -- Phoenix (602) (602) 266-5869 266-0477 

Plazma Pumphouse II 1560 4132 E. E. Osborn McDowell Rd. Rd. - - Phoenix (602) 266-0477 275-3509 

Retro Bar 3114 E. Cactus Rd. - Phoenix (602) 493-0355 

Pumphouse II 4132 E. McDowell Rd. - Phoenix (602) 275-3509 

The Rock 4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 248-8559 

Rainbow Cactus 15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix (602) 867-2463 

Roscoe’s 4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix (602) 285-0833 

The Rock 4129 N. 7th Ave. - Phoenix (602) 248-8559 

Rainbow Cactus 15615 N. Cave Creek Rd. - Phoenix (602) 867-2463 

Roscoe’s 

Velocity 

4531 N. 7th St. - Phoenix 

2303 E. Indian School Rd. - Phoenix 

(602) 285-0833 

(602) 956-2885 

Velocity Wild Card 2303 801 E. N. Arizona Indian Ave. School - Chandler Rd. - Phoenix (602) (480) 956-2885 857-3088 

Z Girl Club 4301 N. N. 7th Ave. -- Phoenix (602) 265-3233 



IONBAR GUIDE 

R 

R 

R 

R 

R 

R 

R 

Amsterdam 

Apollo’s 

Babylon 

Bar 1 

BS West 

Charlie’s 

Cruisin’ 7th 

Dick’s Cabaret 

FEZ 

Forbidden 

icepics 

The Leathermen 

Karamba 

Maizie’s 

Mi Patio 

My Florist Cafe 

Nu Towne 

Pumphouse II 

The Rock 

Roscoe’s* 

Switch 

Ticoz 

Velocity 

FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY MONDAY TUESDAY WEDNESDAY THURSDAY 

Amsterdam’s Signature Night 

Happy Hour 4-7pm 

Comedy Clips 6pm 

Karaoke 9pm 

FridayParty with Destiny BOYCOTT! Girls Night Sunday 18 and over 

After Hours After Hours After Hours 

FUBAR with Elements 9:45p 

$5 you call it drink & $3 beers 

$3 pitchers/2-4-1 well/dom 2-7p 

$1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours 

2-4-1 VIP Dances 

7pm ‘til 9pm 

$3 Pomegranate Presses 

Crotch Rockitt 

MEAT - Go Go Boys/Strippers 

$3 Wells, $4 Lng Isl., $2 Dom. 

Velocity 

10:30p - 1:30a 

Fridays 

$4 Pitchers 

Happy Hour 

3-6pm Everyday 

Fridays 

$1.25 Margaritas on the rocks 

Bottoms Up Fridays 

2-4-1 all drinks 

Karaoke @ 10 Poker @ 7 

$5 Martinis 7pm-midnight 

All Star Grill Specials 

Great Happy Hour 

Fridays 

Open from 11am-Midnight 

Fridays 


Dance - No Cover! 

$3 Smirnoff cocktails until Mid. 

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p 

Karaoke 9pm 

2-4-1 everything all night 

Go-go dancers - A new tradition 

$3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 12-7p 

$1 Happy Hour 7-9p/Afterhours 

Off the Hook 

Tons of Prizes & Giveaways 

$3 Bottle Beer 

& Tequila Shots 

The Barbra Seville Show 

DJ Dancing 

The Follies 10pm 

Great SKYY Drink Specials 

Cruisin’ 7th | Plazma 

4:30p - 7:00p | 10:30p - 1:30p 

Saturdays 

$4 Pitchers 

Happy Hour Brunch 9a-2p 


Saturdays 


Hot Bodz Male Revue 

Hosted by Savannah 

Diamond Dolls Mya McKenzie 

$4 Bomber/$3.50 3 Olive Drinks 

All Star Grill 

Opens at 11am 

Saturday 


Saturday $1 brunch drinks 


Arts, Industry & ION VIP Night 

1/2 price drinks *KARAOKE* 

$1 Bud Light Drafts 2-8p 

Male Strippers 10:30pm 

Karaoke 9pm 

$1 Miller Lite drafts 

Volleyball 4-7pm, NEW 3-4-1 

$3 Long Islands, $3 pitchers 

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances & 

VIP Wristbands 

$3 Brunch Drinks 

50% off bottles of wine 

Sports Beer Bust Food specials 

Happy Hour 

Legendary Show Tunes Sunday 

$3 Wells/ $1.50 Drafts 

Velocity 

9:00p - 11:00p 

Sundays with Galilea 

$3 pitchers 

Brunch All Day 

Sundays 


Sundays 

Happy Hour All Day! 

Rock your Funday Sunday 

Tea dance, DJ, specials, food 

$8 Sunday Brunch 

$8 Long Island Pitchers 

Sundays 


Sundays $1 brunch drinks 


Martinis & Manicures 

$5 Martinis 

Drag Bingo 

2 for 1 U Call-It Open-Close 

Monday Open Mic Night 

$3 Smirnoff Martinis 

Friday Happy Hour 4-7p Saturday $2 dom bottle 6-9p Shirtless Sun $1.25 Bud drft Monday $1 Bud Lt. Drft 4-cl. 

10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft 10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft 

Fridays 

$2.50 well & domestic 2-7pm 

Fridays 


Fridays 9pm 

Mike’s in the House Pool Tour. 

Fridays Events TBA 

Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm 

Saturday 


Saturdays 


Saturdays Hot Men 

Hot Music & $1.25 shot special 

Saturday Events TBA 

Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm 

Sundays 


Sundays 


Sundays 2pm-2am 

Our Famous $1 Beer Bust/BBQ 

W.H.O.R.E. Service Industry 

$2 dom $3 well $4 bombers 

Underwear Party 8-cl 1/2 price 

2-8pm $3 pitch. 2-4-1 well/dom 

Mondays 

2-4-1 Well 7pm-9pm 

2-4-1 Cover Charge, Dances, 

VIP Wristbands 

$3 Burgers 

$3 Margaritas 

Closed Mondays 

Open Tuesday-Sunday 4p-2a 

Comedy Night 

2-4-1 well / beer (8p-2a) 

Charlie’s 

10:00p- 1:00a 

Closed 

$3 Bistro Burgers 

$10.00 off of all Bottled Wines 

Mondays 


Mondays 


Get Your Wood Here! 

2x4 happy hour all day/night 

Mondays 

2-4-1 7-close 

Lady’s Night Free pool 

$1 Miller Lite Drft, $4.50 Bomb. 

Monday 

Pool Tournament 

Mondays 


Mondays 


Arts, Industry & ION VIP Night 

1/2 price drinks 

‘Tini Tuesdays 

2-4-1 Call Martinis Open-Close 

Country Night 

$2 Beers All Night 

KAROKE $2.50 wel, dom 

10a-4p $1.75 well/ bud draft 

Community Benefit/Fundraiser 

Book you event @ bswest.com 

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-2 well/dom 

8p-Close 2-4-1 cocktails/dom 

Tuesdays 


Amateur Night 

Starts at 10pm 

‘tini Tuesdays 

$3 Martinis 


Karaoke w/ Brad 9pm 

Mustache Ride First Tuesday 

2-4-1 well / beer 

Tuesday with Grecias 

$2 Drinks All Night 

Tuesday Night Fish & Chips 

Selected Beers $3 Starts @ 5pm 

Tuesdays 


Tuesdays 


Bust a Beer Nut 

$1 draft & $1 hot nuts 

Tuesdays 

Dart tournament 

Guys Night Out 

Happy hour all day long 

2 for Tuesdays 

2-4-1 drinks all day 

Tuesdays 


Tuesdays 

11am-Midnight 

College Night 

1/2 price drinks with student ID 

Happy Hour 

8am-8pm $2.75 well & dom. 

Wednesday Dance Party 

$2 Babylon Shots All Night 

$1 OFF in your undies/leather 


2-4-1 All Day and All Night 

A valley tradion! 

2-8p $3 pitch./2-4-1 well/dom 

8p-close $3 Pinnacle 

Wednesdays 


S.I.N. Bring Your Dancer ID 

and get VIP Pricing 

$20 Any Bottle of Wine 

and small plate 


Showroom Trivia 7pm 

Karaoke $4 martinis & Lng Isl. 

$3 Well/$2 Domestic Bottle 

Wednesdays with Diamond 

$2 Drinks All Night 

Wednesday BBQ Short Ribs 

Selected Beers $3 Starts @ 5pm 

Wednesdays 


Wednesdays 


Wednesdays 

$3 well margaritas 9pm-2am 

Wednesdays 

2-4-1 well & domestic 

Industry Night 

$2 Well & Domestic $3 Bombs 

Wednesday 

All Day Happy Hour 

Wednesdays 


Wednesdays 

11am-Midnight 

Divas Live! 

$3 Diva Shots during the show 

Karaoke 9:30pm 

Happy Hour 8-8 $2.75 well/dom 

Thursday Dance Party 

$2 Babylon Shots All Night 

Thursday 2-4-1 U Call It 10a- cl 


Karaoke 9pm 

$2 drafts 

2-4-1 All Day! 

Cocktails and beer 

Thursdays 


Hot Studs All Night Long 

$5.00 Off with VIP Keychain 

$3 G Spots 

Inferno Party 

18+ Hotspot 

HOT ASS Best ass wins $100 

2-4-1 well / beer (8p-2a) 

Cruisin’ 7th 

10:30p - 12:30p 

Thursdays with Ruby & Tyra 

$2 drinks all night 

Happy Hour 


Thursdays 


Thursdays 


Singin in the shower 

w/ Mr. Karaoke 8pm-mid 

Hot Bodz Male Revue 

Hosted by Savannah 

Poker Night $3.50 Long Islands 

$1 Off Draft Pitchers 

Thursdays 

2-4-1 7pm 

Thursdays 


Thursdays 

11am-Midnight 

Sundays Beer Bust Mondays Underwear Night 8-2a Tuesdays $1 Bud Beer Bust 8-2 Wednesdays 2-4-1 8pm-2am Thurs Weekend Leather Launch 

16oz. Bud & Bud Light Draft Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm Outrageous Happy Hour 1-8pm $2.50 Domestic 8pm-2am 

R FULL MENU * LIMITED MENU/TIMES FREE PROJECT HARD HAT CONDOMS 

ION ARIZONA 


y Addison DeWitt 

You know Barbra, Devina, 

TC and Angela. Miss Ebony, Felicia, 

Mya and Kiki. But does anyone recall 

... the most famous drag queen of 

 

impersonation eagerly await the historic 

return of The one. The only. 

Putty! 

Background story: Once upon a time in 

the last millennium of the last decade of 

the last century, the fabled, now longdefunct 

cocktail lounge of Wink’s not 

only serving booze, but shoveling out 

pounds of cocaine in the restroom, too. 

Oh, now just relax. Like nobody knew. 

They’ve been closed for years now and 

the statue of limitations has run out, so 

I’m pretty sure that I can’t be sued for 

libel. I hope. Back then Wink’s was the 

roost of drag queens like the lovable, 

toothless old heifer Tish Tanner (RIP) 

and others. 

and enormously entertaining Putty, 

who’s charisma and onstage antics turn 

men into convulsing, spitting, pigs. I’ve 

seen it happen. Celia hits the stage in 

September, and I can’t wait. So mark 

your calenders, dearies! This’ll be an 

appearance you won’t want to miss! 

AN OPEN LETTER TO ALL GO-GO 

It pains me 

to say this. No it doesn’t. Not really. 

Kids, spit out your chewing gum before 

you get up on the Boy Boxes or start 

swinging on the brass pole. I’m tired of 

watching you up there chomping away 

on your Hubba-Bubba Bubble Gum like 

a cow chewing its cud. It doesn’t make 

you look sexy, it just makes you look 

cheap and slutty. And I know you don’t 

want to come across like that, now do 

you? (But you can come across my face 

anytime. I can’t believe I just said that. 

Yes I can.) But unless you want me to 

name names, stop it. Now. Thank you. 

About ten years ago the rumor mill 

reported that the late Putty’s foamrubber 

padded body was allegedly 

discovered in the Arizona Canal 

when actually she was sold 

into white slavery and the 

sex trade in the Black Hole 

of Calcutta-slash-Palm 

Springs. Some fascinating 

videos recounting Putty’s 

desperate days were 

produced. I’ve seen ‘em, 

too, folks, and hoo-boy! 

Who knew the sex trade 

was so much fun? 

Now the town’s a-buzz, 

heralding the return of 

the talented, ravishing, 

 


y Addison DeWitt 

Speaking 

of strippers ... former weeniewagger 

David Hernandez 

(and that’s with a capital “O”) on my 

“Icky Nasty Caca Poo-Poo List.” And 

that’s one list you don’t wanna be on, 

believe-you-me. Seems that the 2008 

American Idol reject is too big for his 

britches these days. I got a very chilly 

reception from la Hernandez after 

I offered him a friendly 

salutation at Phoenix 

Pride. Scant days 

later, his nose was 

up in the air once 

again when I 

saw him at the 

“Night for Life” 

event where 

he was touted 

as a “Singer, 

Songwriter, and 

Actor.” Actor? Huh? 

Starring in your high 

school production of The 

Fantasticks doesn’t count. 

After crooning in the banquet hall lobby 

to an audience of – count ‘em – four 

tweens at the fundraiser, the snooty 

songbird hightailed it out of the Biltmore 

and spent a raucous night on the 

town later where he was seen making 

out with a variety of local swains and 

desperadoes. 

From where I sit, it seems to me that 

someone who hopes to make it to the 

proverbial Big Time ought to be nice to 

people. He sure was a lot friendlier back 

in the good ol’ days when he sat naked 

on my accommodating lap at Dick’s 

– all for the price of a dollar and 

a salted peanut. And just for that I’m defriending 

you on Facebook and throwing 

away your Christmas CD. So there. I bet 

that never acts like that. 

So there. Big International Symbol for 

‘NO’ to David Hernandez. So there. 

Word on the street is that a fabulous 

new restaurant and bar for the glitterati, 

gadabouts and nabobs in town, slated 

to open near the heart of downtown and 

the Light Rail by someone near and 

dear to ION’s heart and a familiar (and 

very handsome) face on top of 

a bangin’ body that just won’t 

quit at Amsterdam. As of 

press time he’s keeping 

mum on the particulars, 

but I’m on the edge of my 

bidet with anticipation! 

We’ll know more by 

mid-month, I’m 

told. 

And this month’s 

Party Penguin of 

the Month is just 

too much to touch! 

I’m shocked and surprised he hasn’t 

been picked before. It’s as obvious as 

the Spanx on my ass! It’s none other 

than Jonathan James Berry! This 

gorgeous guy’s at every Splash Bash 

and at practically at every bar’s event. 

Sometimes he’s in boy drag. Once in 

a while he’s in mommy’s clothes. If 

you’re mommy dresses like Lady Gaga, 

that is. He’s a gender-bending blast 

and we love him! Or her. Depending. 

Congratulations! 

Invite Addison to your pool party this 

summer! Just don’t play your David 

Hernandez CDs, chew gum while you’re 

stripping or hold him underwater in the 

deep end. 

Write to him at rumorhound@aol.com 


Aries Mar. 21 - Apr. 20 

Mama told you there’d be days like this. And 

sometimes there’s an entire month. But keep 

a stiff upper lip. Mid-month things will turn a 

 

Then go shopping. 

Taurus Apr. 21 - May 20 

The thermometer is rising ... and so is your 

PAQ. Public Attention Quotient. Everybody 

wants to be in your orbit this month. And a 

lot of people want to touch you. The planets 

agree: you got it goin’ on. 

Gemini May 21 - June 21 

Pull all the stops out! You’re a schizo, 

Gemini! Let both of your twin personalities 

go to work and you’ll have one Pisces, three 

Aquarians and at least four Leos vying for at 

least one Twin’s attention. 

Cancer June 22 - July 22 

You know the old expression, “It’s time to 

pay the piper”? It’s time to settle a debt that 

you welshed on with an friend. It may be 

monetary, or it may be spiritual. Do the right 

thing. You won’t be so “crabby” if you do it by 

the 20th. And smile! 

Leo July 23 - Aug. 22 

It’s time to show everybody that you are King 

– or Queen – of the Forest, Lion. With a royal 

growl and your Type A personality you’ll be 

the leader of the pack. Or the pride, as the 

case may be. Grrr! Go get ‘em! 

Virgo Aug. 23 - Sep. 22 

Tan? Check. Cute strappy sandals? Check. 

Swimsuit? Check. Haircut? Check. Sex 

appeal? Double-check! Summer will be good 

to you, Virgo! Just make sure you’ve got 

fresh breath, too, or else those condoms and 

lube will be no good at all. 

Libra Sep. 23 - Oct. 22 

Sometimes you just have to say, “Screw it” 

and eat ten candy bars in a row. The stars 

won’t blame you. This month. But don’t 

make a habit of it. But if you share a couple 

 

something in common. Besides candy bars. 

Scorpio Oct. 23 - Nov.23 

The stars are in alignment. The planets say, 

“All systems go!” Just be sure you have your 

seatbelts on and look out for cops. It’s always 

better to err on the side of caution. Now you 

can hit the gas, baby. 

Sagittarius Nov. 23 - Dec. 23 

You’re the apple of somebody’s eye out there. 

If you’re a little tart, they may go looking for 

a Red Delicious. Act a little fruity. People 

expect it from you. Especially Geminis. They 

eat that shit up. 

Capricorn Dec. 23 - Jan. 20 

Think about starting a new hobby. 

Remember: stalking is not a hobby. Subtlety 

has never been one of your strong suits. 

 

pretty eyes, after all. 

Aquarius Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 

Too many cooks spoil the broth. So you might 

want to get rid of one or two or you’ll have a 

“Kitchen Nightmare.” In your bedroom. Let 

the sous chef know he’s tops. Or bottoms. It 

doesn’t really matter with you. 

Pisces Feb. 20 - Mar. 20 

Picky, picky, picky. This month you need to 

open your horizons. And lengthen your vistas 

while you’re at it. If you rise up high enough, 

you’ll be able to see the curve of the earth, 

even! Or at least Russia from your backyard.

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