Flower Crown Magazine: Issue 2

What do you think is the best way to advocate as
someone of privilege who is an ally?
Stop trying to teach people of color how to understand
white folks; I think they understand white folks all too
well. I didn’t know how I looked to people of color until
the day I had the wrong color eyes in my third-grade
classroom, and I watched the students with the right color
eyes exhibit the behaviors toward the out-group that
they had seen exhibited by the significant adults toward
minorities in their environment.
Stop thinking that you’re doing minorities a favor by
advocating for them. I’ll not forget the 75-year-old
woman who said to a group of African American women,
during the debriefing of the exercise, that she couldn’t
understand why they were being so critical of her, “...after
all I’ve done for you people over the years.” OMG! She
learned a great deal in a short time, that day, and afterward
said she’d never forget it.
Learn to listen to minorities, instead of insisting that
they listen to you. You can’t really learn about racism
from white folks, no matter how well-read they are, nor
how many books they’ve written. People of color may
not be fully aware of how the system works, but they
darned sure know how it feels. Don’t, however, go up
to the nearest person of color and say, “What’s it like to
be black?” Don’t laugh! I’ve heard it! Often! Don’t ask
people of color to bleed all over the floor for you. They
aren’ responsible for your education; you are. For a start,
you could go to my website, jane@janeelliott.com, and
download the bibliography that you will find there. Read
every book on it and then read all those other hundreds
of books that are out there about those who are other
than white, Anglo-Saxon, heterosexual, able males and/
or females.
Stop pretending that you practice the Golden Rule:
White people, as a group, do not treat people of color
the way white people want to be treated. NO ONE
wants to be treated the way the majority of white people
in this country allow people of color to be treated. Furthermore,
how do we know that people of color would
appreciate being treated the way we want to be treated?
Do men want to be treated the way women want to be
treated? Do I, as an old woman, want to be treated as a
teenage boy wants to be treated? Does a Lesbian want
to be treated as I, a straight woman want to be treated?
I would respectfully suggest that we all commence to
follow the Platinum Rules, which says, “Do unto others
as others would have you do unto them.” In other words,
treat others the way THEY want to be treated. In order to
do that, you have to ask them how they want to be treated.
You have to listen to their answer, and then you have
to do as they ask. It’s something called ‘communication’,
and until we learn how to do that, the -isms which separate
us will never be resolved.