Autumn 2011 - Mandy Mazliah

Newsletter 

Brixton, Dulwich and Streatham and Riverside branches, 

Autumn 2011 

Raising children 

Ideas, tips, sharing advice

In this issue 

Contents 

Editor’s letter 

3 Ed’s letter 

5 Welcome letter 

6 Meet our new recruits 

9 How much TV do you 

watch? 

10 The importance of story 

telling 

12 How will you mark your 

child’s arrival? 

14 Confessions of a stay 

at home dad 

16 The rise of the 

threenager 

18 Our guide to starting 

school 

20 Know your rights 

22 What’s going on where 

25 Breast feeding 

26 Raising boys 

40 Meet the teams 

42 How to talk to your 

child 

Got an opinion about us? 

What do you want from 

your newsletter? Why not 

email newsletter.editorial@ 

southlondonnct.org and let us 

know what you like and don’t like 

about the mag. 

The invitations to my daughter’s first 

birthday party are about to be posted. 

Anoushka will have a naming ceremony 

and a church blessing (see page 12) 

early next year. It’s a compromise 

between her Christian father and her 

non-religious Jewish mother. But when 

she turns one later this month, her 

parents will be toasting her good health 

with a simple but very large glass of fizz 

surrounded by family and friends. 

I have years of fancy dress parties, 

bouncy castles and pass the parcel ahead of me. So 

Anoushka’s first birthday party will be more of a celebration 

of us as a family and us as parents. Alister and I will have 

survived that nerve-wracking first year and quite frankly, I think 

we’ll have earned ourselves a drink. 

Anoushka is starting to say her first words (see page 42), 

already demanding we read her stories (see page 10) and, 

I’m embarrassed to admit, recognises the theme tune to 

EastEnders (see page 9). 

There’s a lot to being a mum I’m yet to learn but thanks in 

part to talking to the other mums in my NCT group, one thing I 

quickly realized is this – everyone has doubts. Whether you’re 

about to be a parent or onto your second or third one thing 

it’s perfectly normal to question the decisions we make. The 

cliché’s are true. Raising children is hard work. And yes, it 

really is the most important job we’ll ever have. I hope some of 

the articles in this magazine can help. Enjoy. 

The NCT is the UK’s leading charity on 

pregnancy, birth and early parenthood. 

www.nct.org.uk 

Find out about your local branch at 

www.nct.org.uk/in-your-area 

Next issue 

If you’d like to help out with our next 

newsletter please get in touch. I’d love 

to hear your ideas. 

newsletter.editorial@southlondonnct.org 

Please note that the views in this newsletter are 

those of contributors and not necessarily of the 

NCT. The inclusion of any advertisement in this 

newsletter does not constitute endorsement of 

the advertiser or its products by the NCT. The 

information in this newsletter is intended for the 

use of NCT members, only in conjunction with 

NCT activities and may not be used for commercial 

purposes. 

Printed by Captiv8, www.captiv8.co.uk 

Newsletter Winter 3

Welcome 

Letter from Victoria 

Welcome to our winter newsletter. This is one of my favourite times of 

year where I really get a feeling of moving forwards…. The children 

are back at school, and Christmas is approaching. I admit to loving 

everything Christmas, decorating the house, making gifts, wrapping 

presents and spending time with family and friends. The house 

always feels very drab and empty once the Christmas tree and all the 

decorations are taken down. 

This issue we’re taking a look at raising children, with articles on 

raising boys and the challenges of three year olds! My boys are now 

18 months and four years old, and personally I view age three as a bit 

of a watershed. It’s an age when children are old enough to be fairly 

self-sufficient. They’re able to express themselves and become great 

company, but are still young enough to want to cuddle and play with 

you. My boys have now reached an age where they play together and 

I’m excited to see how or maybe if this develops as the eldest grows 

up. If like me your child has just started reception I hope you’ll enjoy our 

feature on starting school. If anyone has any tips on getting homework 

done quickly then please get in touch – I guess I shouldn’t be surprised 

but my son proclaimed after his second day in reception that ‘homework 

is just boring’. If you’re currently looking at primary schools and about to 

start the application process for September 2012 then good luck. 

Victoria Eldridge 

Chair, Brixton, Dulwich and 

Streatham branch 

This year we’ve held some very successful fundraisers from Nearly New 

Sales to our annual Christmas craft fair. Thank you to everyone who has 

supported the branch and in particular to all the volunteers who have 

helped make these events happen. The branch wouldn’t exist without 

volunteers and their contribution. If you are able to spare some time to 

support us please take a look at the volunteers wanted on page 29. I’m 

very sad to announce that Jackie, my co-chair for the branch, is standing 

down from the role. She will continue to support the branch and I’m sure 

all of you who have met her will join me in thanking her for her incredible 

contribution over the past two years. We’re looking for someone to fill this 

role and join me as co-chair. It’s an incredibly varied and rewarding role. 

If you’re interested then email me to find out more (I hope I’m inundated 

with offers!). 

As always if you’ve got any fundraising ideas or requests for branch 

activities then do get in touch with your suggestions. 

Victoria Eldridge 

chair@southlondonnct.org 

Newsletter Winter 5

Welcome to the world... 

Meet the latest members of our family... 

ANNIE WASDELL 

Isaac Richard (Emily Conway and Edmund 

Bing) 

Thomas Andrew (Nandi and Steven Hall) 

Andrew James Rowan (Caroline 

Shackleford and Alex Polley) 

Joseph Michael (Emily and Mitch 

Fernandez) 

Ella (Nikki Collins and Wellington Correia 

Nunes) 

Leon David (Ivy Storvic and Jules 

Perdikou) 

Clarice (Franckie Clarke and Rich 

Hammond) 

Isabel Martina (Fran Garcia and Paul 

Honeychurch) 

Alfie Rose (Rowan Aust and Robin 

Pickard) 

Jack Edmund Stephen (Lindsay Clark and 

Glenn Bridges) 

Matthew Joseph (Ali Jones and Mark 

Osterloh) 

Lily Yung Hae (Kimmy and Matt Webb) 

Arthur Anthony (Kelly Millington and Jon 

Loades-Carter) 

Lydie Naa-Abia (Sabine Tholle and Reggie 

Crabbe) 

Paddy Reuben (Rebecca and Chris 

Wright) 

Sophie (Christelle and Alex Quesney) 

Dylan Idris (Lisa Gregson and Richard 

Owen) 

Annabel (Hilary Anderson and Tim Purdy) 

Joseph (Jane and Phil Temple) 

Solly (Sabine Peris and Ted Milton) 

Esme Ellen (Kelly and Gavin Rose) 

Guinevere (Philippa Ward and Alex 

Homfray) 

Zac (Gerri Peeve and Wayne McQuoid) 

Maxine Peggy and Maia Lee (Jackie Choi 

and Matthew Mayes) 

Jack (Hayley Hunwicks and Simon 

Johnson) 

Edith Nora (Hannah and Olly Tipper) 

Charlotte-Anne (Carole Destre and 

Michael Ranft) 

Hetty Ellen (Susan Dean and Nick Heap) 

TESSA DAILEY 

Rafi Noor Khan (Sidra Khan and Mohsin 

Bhatti) 

Lucille Jayne Stafford (Francesca and Paul 

Stafford) 

Sylvie Rose Schmidt (Clare and Hansjorg 

Schmidt) 

Beatrice Sidney Small (Heidi and James 

Small) 

Baxter James Richardson (Nina and 

Simon Richardson) 

Charlotte Rosemary Agnes Laville (Nicky 

and Jules Laville) 

Sam Hudson Fossey (Lucy and Mark 

Fossey) 

Lara Elizabeth Phillips (Anita and David 

Phillips) 

Elias Henry Drew (Joanne and Paul Drew) 

Penelope Jemima Boot (Emily Lasham 

and Bob Boot) 

Rosa Yvi Merrett (Alice Adamczewski and 

Will Merrett) 

Isaac Daniel Southern (Nikola and Geoff 

Southern) 

Ava Mae Moscrop (Bianca Nazareth and 

Dan Moscrop) 

Amelia Susan Rose (Hannah and Chris 

Howard) 

Thomas Alexander Jupp (Charlotte Fallon 

and Alex Jupp) 

Freya Isla Johnson (Maryanne Lyons and 

Samuel Johnson) 

Benjamin Scalchi Bailey (Daisy and 

Richard Bailey) 

Alice Elin Shepherd (Ceri and Matthew 

Shepherd) 

David Sharp (Anita and Mike Sharp) 

Olivia Charlotte Margot Franklin (Jane and 

James Franklin) 

Tess Florence Hartley (Abby and Steve 

Hartley) 

Eva Isobel Powell (Lesley and Tom Powell) 

Francesca Lucia Carozzo (Henrietta 

Harrison and Robert Carozzo) 

Mia Michelle Phillips (Kathryn and Duaine 

Phillips) 

Leah Jane White (Claire and Dan White) 

Scarlett Falconer (Sarah Mackie and 

Lachlan Falconer) 

6 Newsletter Winter


Lola Mary Watson (Lucy Watson and Brian 

Lyons) 

Edith Hannah Egan (Charlotte Littleboy 

and Mark Egan) 

Isobel Kate Heal (Alison Todd and 

Matthew Heal) 

Jasmine Daisy Emmerson Matthews 

(Donna and Nick Matthews) 

Luca Nistri (Francesca Iannini and Paolo 

Nistri) 

Jessica Grace Dowell (Richard and Emma 

Dowell) 

Roscoe Peter Marshall Newman (Clare 

and Adam Newman) 

Archimedes Constantinos Jason Mathie 

(Alexandra Stylianidis and Darrin Mathie) 

Arthur Thomas Jarrett (Ellen Midwood and 

Chris Jarrett) 

Sienna, Monika and Kayla Casto de 

Canha (Nicole and Al Casto de Canha) 

Reuben Garrett Gomes Da Silva (Alison 

Garrett and Paulo Gomes Da Silva) 

Lily Ava Cooper (Louise and Dale Cooper) 

Kitty Emilia Barry (Sophie Ardern and Tom 

Barry) 

Ellie Anne Ellen Nash (Audrey Morrissey 

and Simon Nash) 

Theo Victor Cooper-Hood (Imogen Hood 

and Robin Cooper) 

Thomas Michael Stanley Birch (Clare 

Shaw and Paul Birch) 

Aila Khawaja (Anita and Andrew Khawaja) 

Erin Laura Dodd (Vikki Wiberg and Mark 

Dodd) 

Edward Knowles (Lucy and Richard 

Knowles) 

Iwan Andrew Chiles (Helen and Simon 

Chiles) 

Max Lynch (Kate and Conrad Lynch) 

Millie Grace Richards (Marianne and Ian 

Richards) 

Farah Joy Salam Reynolds (Sadhia and 

Liam Reynolds) 

Thomas Harvey Rand (Rosemary Hannah 

and Gavin Rand) 

Ethan John Brooks Henley (Vicky Bowers 

and Sam Henley) 

Freya Grace Harris (Emily and Charlie 

Harris) 

Elsie Jane Lake (Sally and Paul Lake) 

Ella May Wilson (Nataline and Stuart 

Wilson) 

Lucas David Nixon (Ruth and David Nixon) 

Charles William Grey Stansfield (Lucy and 

Bobby Stansfield) 

Finn Oscar Robinson McGrath (Clare 

Marshall and Shaun McGrath) 

Finn Anders Naevdal (Katie Anders and 

Erlend Naevdal) 

George William John Broadbent (Tiffany 

and Graham Broadbent) 

Aaron Joseph Wrafter (Kelly and Mark 

Wrafter) 

Cleo Elizabeth Groman (Alice Pattenden 

and Jeremy Groman) 

Henry James Anthony Cooper (Iona Martin 

and Simon Cooper) 

Stanley William Todd (Monica and 

Jonathan Todd) 

Christie Caroline Andrew-Clifford (Julia 

and Ross Andrew-Clifford) 

lana Mary Wallace (Vicky and Andrew 

Wallace) 

Oscar Leslie Elong (Elizabeth Oglesby- 

Elong and Samuel Elong) 

Kaela Elizabeth Setti (Lenore and Ewen 

Setti) 

Harry Charlie Crichton-Stuart (Kit 

Chrichton-Stuart and Patrick Stuart) 

Benjamin Haydn Armitage (Amy and Tim 

Armitage) 

Penelope Ada Margaret Birch (Jessica 

Brennan and Julian Birch) 

Archie Fraser MacLeod (Louise and 

Andrew MacLeod) 

Adam Jacob Ray Harris (Gemma Game 

and Stephen Harris) 

Frederick Arthur James Fenton (Hannah 

and Richard Fenton) 

Jack Edward Hickman (Kimberley and 

Simon Hickman) 

Frances Rosa Love Storey (Melinda Styles 

and Jon Storey) 

Charlotte Robinson (Nicola and Alistair 

Robertson) 

Fergus Achille Laine Champion (Nadia and 

Matthew Laine Champion) 

Noah Arthur Stanley Clark (Kate and Yoni 

Clark) 

Vasily Duncan Gilmore (Irina Zorina and 

Duncan Gilmore) 

Mila Ekaterina Davison (Laura and 

Graham Davison) 

Amelie Rose Whitehouse (Cat and James 

Whitehouse) 

Adrian Onyango Holt (Irene Odera and 

Steve Holt) 

Daisy Libby Bidgood (Polly and Robin 

Bidgood) 

Reggie Nelson Mortimer Nicloa and Roger 

Mortimer) 

Matlida Elizabeth Pearce (Teresa 

Warburton and Daniel Pearce) 

Freya Catherine West (Heather and Simon 

West) 

Flora Megan Wordsworth (Emily Meek and 

Nick Wordsworth) 

Efthalia Day Miller (Noemi Spanos-Miller 

and Chris Miller) 

Oscar Ray Holden (Clarissa Mackay and 

Steven Holden) 

Henry Alan Keith Galliford (Leoni and 

Steven Galliford) 

Alec Michael Stuart Murray (Louise and 

Patrick Murray) 

Isabella Emily Bennett Scott (Charley and 

Jonathan Scott) 

Sophia Rose Mary Hewett (Julia and 

Michael Hewett) 

Daniel Alexander Ward (Monika and Tim 

Ward) 

Olive Ada Kelly (Ginnie and Jack Kelly) 

Aidan Connor Cadasse-Walker (Lena 

Cadasse-Walker and Tony Walker) 

Oliver Richard Burns (Leanne and Michael 

Burns) 

Alexander Samson Morton (Laura and 

John Morton) 

CAROLINE FLINT 

Felix Richard (Sarah Mulley and Chris 

Jones) 

Jessica Lorna (Stephanie and Charles 

Way) 

Henry Philip and Madeleine Annabel (Kate 

Hardwick and Kieran Curtis) 

Freya Elizabeth (Marianne and Daniel 

Boule) 

Sebastian (Rebecca and Ashley Gray) 

Aodhan (Una and Jon Coello) 

Elspeth Hannah (Hannah Dumphy-Wraith 

and Christopher Wraith) 

Newsletter Winter 7


Meet the latest members of our family... 

Miriam (Rhian Thomas and Sam Trice) 

Sabella Chandara (Sharon and Richard 

Isted) 

April Monica Josephine (Catherine 

Wilberforce and Graham Taylor) 

Torrin (Ramesh Ghiassi and David 

Mackay) 

Nikolaos Odysseas (Christina Philippou 

and James Sinclair) 

Kitty Edith (Henrietta and Dickon Reid) 

Tom Robert (Stefanie and Rob Burlison) 

SARAH SAVASKAN 

Amelia Clare Dunn Alvares (Peta and 

Quintin Alvares) 

May (Alex and Ian Mclean) 

Sofia Shibata de Carvalho (Motoko 

Shibata and Guilherme Carvalho) 

Charles Albert (Gillian and Ian Randle) 

Joseph Xander (Bryony and William Kirby) 

Maximilian Frederick Adam (Rebecca and 

Lawrence Hawkins) 

Max (Vanessa La Santa and Ben Leech) 

Leo Timothy Carlin Harris (Jane Winkles 

and Simon Harris) 

Constance (Victoria and Simon Kingston) 

Arthur (Louise Goldie Drumm and Patrick 

Drumm) 

Thomas (Avisha Sookee and Tristan 

Gueranger) 

Caleb Matthew Ethan James (Heather and 

Ian Rushton) 

Craig (Laura and Craig Rodriguez) 

Hugo Douglas (Elaine Knutt and Patrick 

Beveridge) 

Liam Holden Alfrey (Falon Klidy and Kurt 

Alfrey) 

Charlie Casper (Jane and Nick Crawford) 

Lily Emma (Alison Wormwood) 

Noah Adrian (Julie Jackson and Hugh 

Fahy) 

Elliot Aris (Panagiota Alevizou and Stuart 

Taylor) 

Anna Martha (Niki Jakeways and Mark 

Henderson) 

Freya (Meloney and Steven Soo) 

Leonard Banjo Bourke (Taryn Fisher and 

Adrian Bourke) 

Lazlo Elvis (Ruby Wright and Mark 

Miodownik) 

Joshua (Anastasia Petrova and Jonathan 

Cohen) 

Daniel Jack (Gemma Allen and Kevin 

Kewin) 

Inigo (Philomena and Christopher Mullan) 

Carrington Elizabeth Clark (Emily James 

and Christian Clark) 

Leila (Belinda Davis and Simon Porter) 

Tara Catherine Anne (Shalini and Cian 

McCarrick) 

Conor (Catherine Ellicott and Brent Nabbs) 

Michael (Aneta and Peter Case) 

Leo Thomas (Simona Foglia and Laurent 

Sykes) 

Oliver (Maria-Jose Subiela and Richard 

Reiss) 

Maice (Elga Niemann and Peter Boundy) 

Liam (Sarah Morrissey and Naill Murray) 

Matilda Daisy (Kirsti and Nigel Parker) 

Barnaby Arthur Atkins (Susie Jones and 

Tristan Atkins) 

Lily (Annika and Carlo Prina) 

Ivo David (Chrystal Genesis and Charlie 

Bell) 

Lloyd Bo (Kerrie Powell and Chris Allen) 

Joshua Benjamin (Carrie Cromwell Hunt 

and Andrew Hunt) 

Thomas (Margot Knight and Todd Coglon) 

Sadie (Eireann and Ed Sharpe) 

Arjun Singh (Soniya and Harpreet Saroya) 

Louis John Redford (Tara Danischevsky 

and Henry Stephens) 

Brenden William Jerram (Laura Jerram 

and David Harris) 

Leo Walter (Sarah and Daniel Kohn) 

Sevran (Karin Strohecker and Adrian 

Muxworthy) 

Ben Matthew (Katy Brown and Mark 

Waghorn) 

Matias (Cecilia and Eric Larson) 

Sienna (Emma and Grant Cleveland) 

Poppy (Lois and Jamie Leonard) 

Charles Eric Thomas (Nicola and Eric 

Armitage) 

Harrison (Tanya and James Westney) 

Louis Chapman (Emily and Tim Wright) 

Lily Kaur (Kathy Jones and Jasvinder 

Mangat) 

Leela (Stasa and Samir Sharma) 

Jennifer Rose (Helen Martin and Sam 

Golding) 

Edmund John (Felicity and Chris Barratt) 

Isabella (Ewa Mora and Peter Ollila) 

Emma Isabella (Jennypher Calderon and 

Tim Kipps) 

Noah Everett (Daniela and Simon 

Burnham) 

ELODIE NELSON 

Eleanor (Katie & Chris Goldsmith) Dexter 

(Susan & Steven Hannah) Barnaby (Lisa 

& Mike Spinks) 

Summer (Sky & Matthew Perkins) Ariana 

(Irina & Alex Booth) 

Samuel (Rachel Kingston) 

Luca (Leonie & Rick Boulton) 

Ella (Sarah Davidson & Mark Colombini) 

Cleo (Catherine & Alex Thomas) 

Hugh (Karen & Tim Gaskill) 

Daisy (Alexandra & Joe Blackwell) 

Mia (Katherine & Ross Wenbourne) 

Georgina (Colette Mooney & Chris Bartlett) 

Amber (Gemma Burden & Paul Lewis) 

Ava (Cindy Eisenhuth & Stuart Farish) 

Charlotte (Kate & Paul Huggins) 

8 Newsletter Winter


TV and children: Where do you draw the line? 

Sarah Hunt asks how much 

is OK… 

I think it’s fair to say that we all 

have a view about TV and children. 

We probably all have friends who 

we think let their children watch 

too much TV or that they watch 

inappropriate stuff. We probably 

have an on-going internal debate 

about how much is too much is 

and so it goes on. However, for 

the vast majority of us TV is a 

huge part of life today and having 

children just means we have to 

have another view on it. When I 

was a child there was Playschool 

at 11am then nothing until 4pm. 

There was no video and no DVDs. 

We seemed to survive. However, 

life has changed and TV is now 

a 24/7 activity for adults and 

children. 

Before I had kids this wasn’t 

something I thought about. We’ve 

never had a TV in our bedroom 

and we have always said that we 

won’t allow our children to have 

TV in their bedrooms. However, 

that’s where the thinking ended. 

Ben arrived 7 years ago and I still 

didn’t think about it. I didn’t see the 

need to stick him in front of it when 

he was a baby and it wasn’t until 

he was a toddler that TV became 

part of his life. However, we didn’t 

have digital or satellite and so only 

had Milkshake in the mornings (if 

we had time) and videos to watch. 

This did allow us to monitor very 

closely what he was watching. 

The usual suspects come to 

mind – Thomas the Tank, Bob the 

Builder etc. 

Now, however, TV has become 

more challenging. First of all we 

got Sky TV and all of sudden we 

had 24/7 kids TV available. Again it 

could be monitored but like others 

have found, as soon as your little 

on becomes adept in the workings 

of the remote control (or the 

buttons on the machine if you hide 

it) it all gets more difficult. 

Ben is now seven, Toby five and 

Ellen two. We also live in the US 

now where the quality of the TV is 

TERRIBLE. There is no Cbeebies 

or anything remotely similar. I find 

them watching absolute rubbish, 

which I switch off and ban. My 

youngest hasn’t had the joy of 

some of the 

great stuff the 

boys had but 

she does get 

some Dora, 

Backyardigans 

etc. I like these 

because they 

have morals and 

are usually about 

helping people, 

sharing etc. 

In terms of how 

much should 

they watch – 

how long is a bit 

of string? Some 

days they watch 

none. Others 

(usually at the 

weekend) they 

watch a lot – 

probably too 

much. However, 

they have learnt 

loads from the TV and I also think 

some of the silly cartoons like Tom 

& Jerry and Spongebob give them 

some light relief after school. 

The key about TV is that everyone 

does have a different view and 

we all handle it slightly differently. 

My husband feels that the boys 

watch too much, but he isn’t the 

one trying to cook dinner, do 

the washing, tidy the house etc 

etc. For us, I think total screen 

time is a bigger issue. The boys 

have Nintendos and love being 

on the computer. Where does it 

end? There is no right or wrong 

answers. Let us know what you 

think…. 

Newsletter Winter 9


How to be your child’s favourite story-teller 

Chartered Clinical 

Psychologist Dr Briant 

explains the incredible power 

of making things up… 

What’s so great about stories? 

Even more than reading a great book, 

I love the way in which a story can 

be used to help a child overcome a 

fear, learn a new skill, or cope with a 

difficult experience. And the best bit is 

that the child never has to consciously 

make the connection. It sounds too 

good to be true but, believe me, I have 

seen it work. In my job as a Clinical 

Child Psychologist, I also love the way 

that using stories in this way can bring 

an adult and child closer together. 

Lots of parents I meet think that using 

stories in this way just isn’t for them. “I 

can’t make up a story” is a comment I 

often hear. What they forget is that we 

all tell stories all of the time. Stories 

don’t have to be highly creative works 

of fiction with ‘proper’ sentences and 

beautify illustrations. Many of our 

conversations are actually stories. 

When we talk about a past experience 

(either when we were a child, or 

yesterday in the supermarket) we are 

telling a story. With a little thought, 

most people can create a story that 

will lead to change for a child. 

Ok I’ll have a go, but what do I 

actually have to do? 

1. Start by thinking about what you 

want to target. Do you want your child 

to learn a new skill (sharing with peers, 

making friends etc)? Do you want to 

help them understand an event (e.g. 

divorce, the death of a grandparent)? 

Or do you want them to cope with a 

difficult event (e.g. separating from 

you at nursery)? 

2. Decide upon your main character. 

This could be a TV character (e.g. Ben 

10), a made up vehicle/animal/adult/ 

child, another fictional character (e.g. 

Superman). It’s best to pick something 

that your child will find engaging, so 

don’t pick a little mouse if your child is 

scared of them. 

3. Think through the story you want 

to tell, mirroring what has happened 

to your child and finding an ending. 

Remember that the characters don’t 

have to be perfect—it is good if they 

take a few attempts to overcome the 

difficult / learn the new skill. 

4. Consider adding additional 

characters to help the main one learn 

the new skill. 

5. Ensure you add in feelings that you 

think your child has experienced in the 

situation. 

6. Have a go at telling the story at 

a convenient time (this could be 

bedtime, in the car, at snack time) 

Don’t expect your child to go ‘oh that’s 

about me I better do what you Fred 

did in the story’. It still works even if 

they don’t make this conscious link. 

Whatever you do resist the temptation 

to add the ‘moral of the story is...’ - this 

just destroys the power of all that you 

have done. If you want to reinforce the 

story then type it out with spaces for 

your child to draw or stick in pictures 

to illustrate the story. 

If you get stuck try asking your child 

to fill in a gap. For example, “Fred got 

very scared and tried to think what to 

do. What ideas do you think he came 

up with?” or “Oh no. What do you think 

had happened?” Sometimes kids will 

fill in the blanks and if they do it is 

generally with ideas, feelings, thoughts 

or worries that they are experiencing 

so it is useful stuff to know. 

If you don’t know how to end it 

consider using a soap opera ending— 

’to find out what happened after that 

you’ll have to wait until tomorrow bed 

time’. This gives you time to work it 

out. 

If you are really struggling then 

consider finding some published 

stories you can use. Look at www. 

youthinmind.info or talk to your local 

librarian. Some ideas for stories with 

common themes are in the boxes on 

the following pages. 

If you love telling stories to your child 

then consider having regular stories at 

bedtime about your chosen character. 

That way you can drip-feed ideas on 

how to make friends, share, eat nicely 

or anything else of importance on a 

regular basis. In between you can tell 

stories about your character learning 

to be a fireman/builder/ballet dancer/ 

princess. 

If it works for you, you can always type 

up stories with spaces and cut and 

paste pictures or get your child to draw 

pictures to go with the story. This is 

10 Newsletter Winter

Get Involved 


another cunning way of repeating the 

story. 

So, by this point you are either raring 

to go or you are thinking you could 

never get stories to work for you. 

Either way here are some story ideas 

to help you create some stories 

between you and your child. Go on, 

have a go. If nothing else it will be 

useful. 

Useful reading for adults who want 

to know more 

• Annie Stories - Dorris Brett 

• Using story telling as a therapeutic 

tool with children - Margot 

Sunderland 

Useful books to help children learn 

• Under the bed - Paul Bright & Ben 

Cort 

• How Kind - Mary Murphy (giving to 

others) 

• No Matter What - Debi Gliori (love 

continues always / after death) 

• Guess How Much I love you - 

Sam McBratney (grown ups love 

children very much) 

• It’s Not Fair! - Anita Harper & Mary 

McQuillan (sibling rivalry) 

• Morris and the Bundle of Worries - 

Jill Seeney 

• George is Jealous - Anne Gutman 

& Georg Hallensleben 

• Don’t be a bully Billy - Phil Roxbee 

Cox & Jan McCafferty 

• Don’t tell lies Lucy - Phil Roxbee 

Cox & Jan McCafferty 

• Waterbugs & Dragonflies - Doris 

Stickney (metaphor for death) 

Little Bear says ‘No Nursery’ 

Sometimes when Little Bear wakes up, Mummy Bear says “it’s a nursery 

day today.” “Oh no”, says Little Bear, “not nursery. I don’t want to go to 

nursery.” And he feels sad inside. Little Bear likes the little cars at nursery. 

Little Bear likes the big cars at nursery. Little Bear likes circle time. Little 

Bear likes reading books at nursery. Little Bear likes playing with his friends 

at nursery. Little Bear likes painting and drawing at nursery. He doesn’t like 

saying goodbye to Mummy Bear. It makes him feel very sad. Mummy Bear 

helps by giving him a big hug before she says goodbye and she tells Little 

Bear that she will see him again at tea time. [name of special toy] helps 

by staying with Little Bear all day. The Nursery Bears help by reminding 

Little Bear about all the nice things he can do at nursery. Soon it is time for 

Daddy Bear to arrive to pick him up. Little Bear is so busy having fun he 

doesn’t see Daddy Bear at first. Goodbye Little Bear, see you again soon. 

A story about sharing for a toddler 

When Lighting McQueen was little he didn’t know how to share yet. 

He wanted to play with his friends but they didn’t want to play with him 

because he took all the best toys. He got very sad because no-one played 

with him. His mum and dad decided to help him learn to share. They 

explained that he had to give some of the best toys to his friends and then 

play all together. They all practiced together. At first Lightning found it very 

hard and kept grabbing everything back. Eventually he started to offer the 

toys to his mum to play with him. Then he had a go at playgroup. The other 

boys started to play with him and he was really pleased. 

The Little Princess and the Big Bedroom 

The Little Princess has grown up a lot and Mummy and Daddy say that 

it is time for a big bed and a big bedroom. The Little Princess likes her 

big bedroom. She likes having nice pictures on the wall. She likes having 

toys in her bedroom. In the mornings the Little Princess can get up and 

play with her toys. In the daytime the Little Princess can go upstairs and 

play in her big bedroom. At bedtime the Little Princess sits on her big bed 

for stories and milk before she goes to sleep. She is very glad to have a 

big bedroom. Sometimes the Little Princess wakes up in the night. It is 

dark and she gets scared. Mummy and Daddy help by putting on a soft 

light so that the Little Princess can see around her. Even with the light the 

Little Princess thinks that there might be a monster in her big bedroom. 

She feels very scared. [Name of special toy] helps by reminding the Little 

Princess that there are no such things as monsters and helping her to think 

about all the nice things she has done in the daytime. Next time the Little 

Princess wakes up in the night she remembers what [special toy] has told 

her and isn’t so scared. Soon it is time to wake up. Everyone is happy that 

the Little Princess managed to get back to sleep. 

Newsletter Winter 11


We name this child... 

The safe arrival of your 

new baby is certainly worth 

celebrating. But what’s the 

best way to do it? 

Do you want a christening? 

Many parents like the idea of 

marking their baby’s arrival with a 

church ceremony - but a baptism 

does involve making promises 

about bringing him or her up as 

a Christian, and some vicars and 

most Catholic priests take these 

promises very seriously and may 

not agree to a baptism unless you 

are going to attend church at least 

from time to time in the future. If 

you feel comfortable with this, a 

baptism is a wonderful way to mark 

a child’s birth. Many churches carry 

out baptisms as part of their main 

Sunday worship, so there’s a real 

sense of the whole community 

celebrating with you. 

Have you thought of a blessing? 

Another option is the Anglican 

service of thanksgiving and 

welcome, which gives thanks for 

the new baby’s arrival and calls on 

God’s help for his or her life ahead. 

This blessing can be held apart from 

the main Sunday service, and is on 

the increase as a way of marking a 

baby’s birth without the strings of a 

full-blown baptism. It might be worth 

considering if you’re not strongly 

religious or if your family is of mixed 

faith. 

How about a naming ceremony? 

There are other options for nonbelievers 

or those who don’t feel 

comfortable with a church setting 

such as a humanist naming 

ceremony, or a civil christening. 

These ceremonies can be tailored 

to suit the family concerned. 

Parents can put together their own 

service including poetry, music 

and readings, and the venue can 

be anywhere - in your own home, 

outside or in a hired hall. 

Just as in a christening, you can 

choose godparent-equivalents 

(sometimes known as supporters or 

mentors) and the ceremony can be 

as formal or informal as you choose, 

and the BHA can - for a fee - provide 

a trained celebrant to lead the 

proceedings. For more ideas on how 

to organise a naming ceremony, visit 

www.humanism.org.uk 

Timing 

If you’re having a religious 

ceremony the timings may well be 

predetermined. A Jewish Brit, where 

a boy is circumcised, has to be held 

when he’s eight days old. Sikhs 

celebrate within the first 40 days of a 

child’s birth. But if you’re not tied to 

any religious practise you may feel 

you’ve got too much on your plate to 

hold a party too. Why not wait until 

your baby is six or nine months, or 

even a year old before you lay on 

a celebration - you’ll probably find 

you enjoy it a lot more if the stressful 

early months are behind you. 

Where to party 

Afterwards, you’ll want to celebrate. 

If you’re having a church ceremony, 

you might think about the church 

hall. If you’ve got the money you 

might want to take everyone out for 

lunch or hire a local bar. There’s a lot 

to be said for choosing an informal 

venue such as your house or even 

a pub with a garden. Chances are 

there will be other children present, 

and a more a more casual setting 

means that they can run around and 

enjoy themselves, too. 

What to wear 

Some families, like the Royals, 

even have an ancient garment, 

which has been worn by generation 

after generation. It may need a 

good clean but there’s an important 

symbolism in having the garment 

as a thread which has run through 

your family’s history for many years. 

Or you might like to start your own 

tradition by investing in a baptismal 

robe, which your child could use for 

his or her own offspring in the future. 

Whatever you choose for your baby 

to wear, wait until the last possible 

moment to put it on, and get some 

photographs taken straight away. 

We had a naming ceremony 

Eleanor and her husband Hugh 

chose a naming ceremony for their 

daughter Thea. 

‘Thea’s birth was such a momentous 

occasion, we wanted to celebrate 

with friends and family,’ explains 

Eleanor. Organised religion has a 

good line in rites of passage but 

we don’t have a faith so we chose 

the DIY route and held a naming 

ceremony for Thea when she was 

four months old. 

The Church provides the venues not 

just the words so there is reasonable 

amount of work if you go it alone. 

We chose a local hall which offered 

catering ovens, space for a theatre 

style set up as well as a buffet 

and a neutral décor that could be 

enlivened with simple decorations. 

We hired a couple of local students 

to help with the catering so liberating 

us to enjoy the event. 


Get Involved 


Our self-penned ceremony followed 

the tried and tested format of a 

service: a welcome and introduction, 

some parental vows of care, 

constancy and love, a statement by 

the ‘god parents’ and then a formal 

naming. We were reluctant to dictate 

what our friends should commit to as 

godparents. Instead we asked them 

to select a poem, a piece of music or 

a piece of art that would symbolise 

the qualities they wanted to bring 

to Thea’s upbringing. Their choices 

of Lewis Carroll’s Jaberwocky, 

and a poem by A.A. Milne suggest 

imagination and humour are going to 

be significant. Her other godmother 

brought a beautiful display of 

springtime flowers bursting into new 

life. 

We structured the ceremony with a 

celebrant providing an introduction 

to the day and linking the sections. 

We recognised that although all 

emotions expressed were authentic, 

a ceremony is also a piece of 

theatre. A celebrant provides an 

effective stage management device 

gently diffusing emotional tension 

and maintaining pace. It also 

prevents the ceremony becoming an 

extended monologue by one or both 

parents. Our preferred celebrant 

was unavailable and we didn’t want 

to involve a stranger on such an 

intimate occasion. My younger sister 

gamely agreed to take the role and 

demonstrated that anyone with a bit 

of confidence can fulfil the function. 

The day was moving and 

memorable. The joy of a naming 

ceremony is the intensely 

personalised nature of everything 

that is said. It was taxing to squeeze 

out prose which we hoped was 

heartfelt but not hackneyed but 

it was a labour of love which 

enabled us to reflect on the kind of 

parents we wanted to become. We 

thoroughly enjoyed the experience 

and would highly recommend a 

naming ceremony as a way of 

welcoming a baby to the world.’ 



Why I’m proud to be a stay-at-home dad 

things and I want to be there more 

for him. I reckon it will be lots of fun 

watching him grow and develop. 

There’s no doubt that our finances 

will be tighter. Losing a salary seems 

a drastic step, as I’m sure it does 

for a lot of couples. However, it 

isn’t as crazy as it first sounds even 

though I’m on a relatively good 

wage. The childcare centre where 

we were thinking of sending Jonah 

for five days a week came to £1000 

a month. That’s a lot to take out of 

a salary and, combined with other 

savings, we won’t be much worse off 

than if I’d stayed at work. If time (and 

Jonah) permits, I might even try to 

do some work from home and bring 

in a little income. 

Nick Wilkins is one of a 

growing number of men who 

are giving up work to look 

after their children… 

A stay-at-home-dad, house-husband, 

call me what you will, but the fact is 

that in a few months I will be the one 

staying home to take care of my little 

boy, Jonah. Oh and of course I will 

be running the household too. His 

mum will go back to work full-time 

after taking care of him for the first 

14 months of his life. 

Taking time out of my professional 

life to look after my child was not 

something necessarily in my career 

plan. However, as time marched 

on and circumstances at work 

changed I felt I was looking for a 

different challenge. I also saw how 

much my wife was enjoying looking 

after Jonah (OK, so the first few 

months were pretty tough but we 

got through). As Jonah grows he 

is always doing different, exciting 

We have only recently decided that 

this will happen, so we haven’t told 

too many people yet. I’m sure my 

friends will be supportive. My family 

were a bit surprised but supportive. 

What am I looking forward to the 

most? Simply the chance to be 

there for all the simple things like 

his first steps or his first climb on 

the toy train at the park. I am seeing 

this as a great, once-in-a-lifetime 

opportunity to spend this time with 

Jonah, getting to know him in all 

aspects – how he likes to nap (or 

not!), whether he likes finger painting 

or playdough best, and what makes 

him laugh and jump around. I’m 

looking forward to finding out what 

type of person he is becoming 

- is he shy and a quiet thinker? 

A boisterous, outgoing child? Or 

somewhere in-between? Obviously 

staying home is not the only way to 

get to know your child and I do know 

him pretty well already but I really 

am looking forward to spending 

more time with him. 



I also have two children from a 

previous marriage – they are 12 

and nine and at ages where they 

are great fun to be with. They live 

a couple of hours’ drive away and 

we usually only see them on the 

weekend. I expect that I’ll be able 

to see them a bit more often, get 

to more school assemblies and 

afternoon sports now that I will not 

be in full time paid work. So that will 

be another great positive for all of 

us. It’s also very important to me 

that my older children get to see as 

much of Jonah, their relatively new 

little brother, as possible. I want all 

my children to know each other and 

be able to play together as siblings 

do – maybe when Jonah’s older he 

can borrow their car instead of ours! 

My wife is of course supportive of 

the idea that I look after Jonah – 

otherwise this wouldn’t be possible. 

And I do realise that it’s not without 

some sadness that she is going 

back to work full-time. Ideally she 

would work part-time but at the 

moment, financially that really isn’t 

an option. My wife jokes (I think) that 

she expects her dinner on the table 

when she gets home from work, 

all the washing clean and folded 

away, toys under control and the 

house immaculate. Talk about Great 

Expectations! 

We do still need to talk a bit more 

about who is going to do what and 

when, but our general expectations 

are that I will take on much more of 

managing the household, especially 

on a day-to-day basis while she is at 

work. I like to think that I do my fair 

share of housework and managing 

now anyway, but I suspect that 

there are lots of things I have yet to 

discover that my wife does each day 

just to keep the house and Jonah 

presentable. I am looking forward 

to discovering these things too and 

maybe finding an easier and quicker 

way to do them! 

I think one of the biggest challenges 

for me in moving from a full-time 

office environment to a home work 

environment will be to build up a 

new support network as I am fairly 

shy. I have a good support network 

of friends at work and I think I will 

really miss them, even though I 

am sure Jonah and I will make it 

into work for lunch on occasion 

especially as my wife works in the 

same office. 

I am thinking positively though, as 

I know the NCT is a great starting 

place for meeting new friends 

with kids and providing parents 

with support. My wife has really 

embraced the NCT, using the 

breastfeeding helpline, attending 

coffee mornings and, more recently, 

volunteering for roles at the local 

branch. I might just do something 

similar. Also, my younger sister 

is having a baby in March, so am 

looking forward to seeing her new 

baby and we can be ‘ladies that 

lunch’ together! 

I am looking forward to taking this 

great opportunity, one that not too 

many Dads get to experience. I 

am sure it will be hard work and 

frustrating at times but overall, I am 

pretty sure it will be the most exciting 

and rewarding two years of my life! 

Wish me luck! 



The Rise of the Threenager 

Think the twos are terrible? 

Just wait till you have a threeyear-old 

says Ali Cronin… 

First, a disclaimer. My three-year-old 

is loving and funny and she fills my 

heart with joy. I know how lucky I am 

to have her. The parents I spoke to 

for this piece all said similar. 

But man, they’re hard work. As Rae, 

mum to Samuel, three, put it: “I 

wish someone had warned me that 

three-year-olds are infinitely more 

challenging than twos.” 

Two year olds may hit, scratch, 

bite, wee in dirty protest and be 

impossible to reason with. But three 

year olds… Well, it gets a whole 

lot more psychological. They have 

the ability to hit you where it hurts, 

whether through embarrassment, 

insult or good old-fashioned 

violence. 

Lying on the floor in a shop and 

shouting, “I AM NOT A SERVANT!” 

when asked to do something. 

Refusing to get dressed or to eat. 

Point-blank ignoring you. Hitting 

you / their younger sibling. Telling 

you they want a different mummy. 

Greeting your end-of-tether shouting 

with a bored stare. Still refusing 

to share. All favourite tools of the 

threenager. 

You know you’ll never smack and 

you vowed you’d never shout. This 

is the time when the former is really 

put to the test (when someone kicks 

you in the back, your first instinct 

is to hit back) and the second goes 

out of the window. Yet shouting is 

like water off a duck’s back to your 

brave, bolshy three year old. 

So how can we handle our 

threenager? And why, please, are 

they so horrible? 

It turns out that two- and threeyear-olds 

really are mini teenagers. 

Both stages of development – from 

baby to child and from child to adult 

- involve brain reconstruction on a 

truly massive scale: far more than at 

any other age. Hardly surprising that 

our three-year-old gets a bit stroppy. 

And three-year-olds are in a difficult 

place, developmentally. They have 

moved on from the terrible twos 

in that they have more empathy 

for others, better language skills 

and can express themselves more 

effectively. But at the same time 

they are still battling with some of 

the same issues as their two-yearold 

peers, including wanting to 

have more independence than they 

can handle and not knowing how 

to stand up for themselves without 

resorting to violence or tantrums. 

So why are three-year-olds more 

difficult than twos? 

That’ll be because of their greater 

ability to personalise their arsenal 

of psychological weaponry teamed 

with a residual inability to handle 

their emotions. And when you factor 

in milestones like starting pre-school 

or nursery, it is easy to see why our 

threenager gives us a hard time. 



Meet your three year-old… 

Favourite tips for handling this 

age group include setting aside 20 

minutes every day for one-on-one 

time; teaching your child how to use 

words instead of violence; staying 

calm. Etc etc. We’ve read the books, 

we know the theory. But in practice, 

when you’re so frustrated you feel 

like putting your head through a 

window, what works? The box below 

contains tips from parents who have 

been there. 

Ultimately we can all take comfort 

in the knowledge that phases pass. 

With luck our children will not be 

permanently scarred as we learn 

how to be parents through them and 

their behavioural foibles, and they 

will continue to be the infuriating, 

hilarious, horrible, delightful little 

people we love so fiercely. 

And who knows, maybe there is a 

magical age when they stop causing 

you so much grief. 21, anyone? 

Ali Cronin is mum to Lola, 3, and 

Eve, 1, and is a freelance writer. 

www.alicronin.com. 

• He seeks attention and approval 

of adults 

• He sometimes shows preference 

for one parent (often the parent of 

the opposite sex) 

• He accepts suggestions and 

follows simple directions 

• He enjoys helping with simple 

household tasks 

• He enjoys making others laugh 

and being silly 

• He enjoys playing alone but near 

other children 

• He spends a great deal of time 

watching and observing 

• He enjoys playing with other 

children briefly, but still doesn’t  

cooperate or share well 

• He enjoys hearing stories about 

himself 

• He answers whether he is a boy 

or a girl 

• He talks so that 75 to 80 percent 

of his speech is understandable 

• He talks in complete sentences of 

3 to 5 words. “Mummy is drinking 

juice.” Or “ There’s a big dog.” 

• He listens attentively to short 

stories and books 

• He likes familiar stories told 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

• 

without any changes in words 

He enjoys listening to stories and 

repeating simple rhymes 

He’s able to tell simple stories 

from pictures or books 

He enjoys singing and can carry a 

simple tune 

He understands “now, soon, and 

later” 

He asks who, what, where, and 

why questions 

He can stack five to seven blocks 

He enjoys playing with clay or play 

dough 

He can use the toilet by himself 

He can brush teeth, wash hands 

and get a drink 

He tries to catch a large ball 

He can draw a circle and square 

He sleeps 10 to 12 hours at night 

He sleeps through most nights 

without wetting the bed 

He needs approximately 1,300 

calories daily 

He weighs between 1 st 11lbs and 

3st 2lbs 

He’s about 75cm to 95cm tall 

He can put on shoes but he can’t 

tie laces yet 

How to handle your Threenager (by those who’ve been there) 

1. “Very clear boundaries help with behaviour – the naughty stair at that age worked for me (it’s now moved to time out 

in bedroom). Also be persistent and carry through your threats.” Nicola, mum to Lucy, 4, and ex-childminder. 

2. “Giving Lola to the count of three to do what I’ve asked is the only thing that works. If we reach three, her current 

favourite toy is put away until bedtime.” Ali, mum to Lola, 3, and Eve, 1. 

3. “I try to get Samuel to tell me why he is feeling the way he is. Quite often that diffuses the situation even though he 

can’t always express it – sometimes he just wants to be heard.” Rae, mum to Samuel, 3, and Millie, 1. 

4. “No matter how difficult they have been that day, or that night, don’t carry it through to the next day. A new day 

dawns, and they won’t remember how they turned into monsters for a few hours the previous day!” Nicola, as before 

5. “Sometimes it feels impossible to stay calm, but it’s amazing how much more effective I am when I do.” Anna, mum 

to Ben, 6, and Adam, 3. 



Starting school 

Starting school: Are 

you ready for the great 

adventure? 

By Linda Bengtsson 

Of all the milestones in your child’s 

life, the biggest and perhaps scariest 

could well be the day your child 

starts school. I know I felt a great 

mixture of pride, sadness and worry 

at the sight of my little girl in her 

school uniform a year ago. As a 

teacher I thought I knew all about 

school but now I was about to see it 

from a parent’s perspective. 

As I write this, my daughter Rebekah 

has just finished her last day of her 

year in reception and I marvel at 

how she has grown and developed. 

She has learnt a lot this year and 

I think that her dad and I have 

learnt at least as much. So with 

that in mind I thought I’d offer some 

advice on what it’s like from both 

the perspective of a teacher and a 

parent. 

How do I prepare my child for 

school? 

It’s important to instil a positive 

attitude to school. Talk about it often 

in positive terms and visit the school 

if you can. There are some skills that 

will make life easier for both your 

child and staff. Teach your child to 

get changed on her own and to put 

on her own coat and shoes. Girls 

might need some extra practise with 

tights. It’s also great if your child 

can deal with toilet visits by himself 

and wash his hands. Consider how 

your child will have lunch. If packed 

lunch, have a practise at opening 

containers and bottles. If your child 

is having school dinners it might 

be a good idea to practise carrying 

a tray with a meal on it. It’s trickier 

than you might think. 

School Uniform 

How much school uniform do 

we really need to buy? This is a 

much-debated question, which 

in my theory comes down to this: 

How many times do you want to 

do laundry each week? I’ve found 

that polo shirts tend to get very 

dirty quickly whereas trousers and 

skirts last for longer. Grey pinafore 

dresses probably get just as dirty 

as the polo shirt but thanks to the 

colour it doesn’t really show up. 

If you don’t want to do lots of 

laundry I’d recommend four white 

polo shirts. Proper button up shirts 

might look much nicer but could be 

tricky for a child to put on and off by 

themselves. 

You can buy trousers, school 

dresses and skirts just about 

anywhere at a reasonable price so 

I went for more clothes and less 

laundry. On a Saturday I just do a 

big load of school uniform and get 

it all ready for the next week. The 

NCT Nearly New Sale is a great 

place to stock up on second hand 

uniform. It’s also worth checking with 

the school office if they sell second 

hand uniform. Most schools also sell 

jumpers and fleeces in the school 

colours and with the school logo. 

These are really nice to have, in 

particular once autumn sets in. 

If you have a girl with long hair make 

sure that you buy lots and lots of hair 

bands so that you can put her hair 

up. The reason you buy lots is that 

you really don’t want to be hunting 

around for some five minutes before 

you have to leave for school in the 

morning. 

Now on to shoes... As a teacher our 

worst nightmare are those shoes 

with little compartments for hiding 

toys. Just imagine 20 five year olds 

fiddling away with their shoes. If 

you can, get simple, comfortable 

shoes that your child can take 

off and put on by himself. Unless 

you particularly want to you don’t 

have to buy the most expensive 

brand as long as the shoes fit well. 

Remember, these shoes will be 

worn all day long, five days a week 

and will be played in a lot. So they 

do tend to get a lot of wear and tear 

quickly. Finally, don’t forget to buy a 

book bag, PE kit, water bottle and if 

you need it, a lunch box. 

So what do they actually do in 

school? 

Learning in Reception is not formal 

and the main part of the day should 

be child initiated. The teachers and 

staff will plan and provide a variety 

of activities and equipment and use 

these to help your child develop her 

skills. There will be some teacher 

led activities as well, in particular 

phonics. You can support your child 

by reading together at home as often 

as possible. 

While your child learns through play 

the staff will observe the children 

closely. They use these observations 

to assess your child’s abilities and 

needs and can then plan activities to 

help your child develop further. 

There are likely to be PE lessons 

where your child will need to get 

changed into PE kit and then back 

into school uniform. Your child 



might also get to participate in whole 

school assemblies and perhaps even 

put on their own assembly for you 

to come and watch. They will make 

friends, and if they are anything like 

my girl, they will fall out with their 

friends as well. The social aspects of 

reception are huge and children learn 

a lot about friendships, taking turns, 

listening and considering others. 

General advice 

• Label everything, from 

waterbottles, to uniform and 

if possible even shoes. But 

remember, contrary to popular 

belief, spending all night sewing 

on labels doesn’t make you a 

better mother. Iron on labels are 

absolutely fine and I won’t tell if 

you won’t. 

• Bring a snack when you pick 

up your child. They’re likely 

to be peckish and will be in a 

better mood if fed. Don’t expect 

too many details though. Many 

children seem too full up with 

impressions to actually share 

what they have been doing with 

their parents. 

• Prepare the day before. Sort out 

the lunchbox and stick it in the 

fridge. Get the next day’s uniform 

out and make sure you know 

where the book bag is. 

• Speaking of book bags. Do check 

it every now and then. There 

tends to be important letters 

hidden amongst all the artwork, 

drawings and other things your 

child takes home and you don’t 

want to miss out on Super Hero 

day or some other event. 

• Finally, enjoy this year and don’t 

get too caught up in reading 

schemes, book bands and school 

gate drama. 


Your rights 

Parenthood: do you know your rights? 

If the answer’s no, you’re not 

alone. So let us negotiate 

the minefield for you… 

When you’re standing at the entrance 

to this brave new world called 

Parenthood, a world that contains 

previously unused nouns such as 

maternity and paternity and where 

baby is no longer just a cute little 

bundle to cuddle, but also a massive 

financial cost, it’s okay to feel scared. 

It is indeed a daunting place to 

be standing. Some questions that 

occurred to me were: ‘What will 

happen with my job?’ ‘What leave 

and assistance am I entitled to?’ 

‘What about my partner, can he take 

time off work to help me?’ 

We receive a plethora of useful 

information from our midwives, 

doctors, NCT classes and the NHS. 

This is how many expectant parents 

find out about Child Benefit and 

Child Trust Funds*. However, there 

is also a (legislated) place for your 

employer(s) to support your family 

through the antenatal and postnatal 

periods, and well beyond those first, 

wonderful 12 months. 

Pregnancy 

Antenatal leave 

All pregnant employees are 

entitled to reasonable paid leave 

for antenatal care. Employers are 

not obliged to provide the same for 

expectant fathers, although many 

employers chose to provide such 

leave or flexitime. 

Sure Start Maternity Grant 

(SSMG) may be payable if you (or 

your partner) receive prescribed 

social benefits or if you are either 

expecting a baby within 11 weeks 

or are receiving a benefit for a 

dependent expecting a child within 11 

weeks. 

SSMG is a lump sum payment equal 

to £500 and is not taxable. 

Around the due date - to 1 year 

Mum 

Statutory Maternity Leave (SML) 

This is available to everyone and 

may be taken for up to 52 weeks (26 

weeks ordinary maternity leave and 

26 weeks additional maternity leave). 

SML may commence from the 11th 

week before the week of the due 

date and at least two weeks must be 

taken after the birth. The employer 

may request that you start your 

SML from the fourth week before 

the week of your due date if you are 

having to take time off work due to 

the pregnancy. You are still entitled to 

SML if your baby is still born at any 

stage after 24 weeks, or at any time 

during the pregnancy if your baby is 

born alive. 

Statutory Maternity Pay (SMP) is 

financed by the employer and is a 

taxable benefit. SMP is payable for a 

continuous period of up to 39 weeks, 

starting as early as the 11th week 

before the week of the due date and 

from the day following the birth at the 

latest. Qualifying conditions apply, 

such as having 26 weeks’ continuous 

service before week 25 of the 

pregnancy and a minimum amount of 

average weekly earnings (£102 in the 

current tax year). 

SMP is equal to 90% of “average 

earnings” for the first six weeks, 

then, the lesser of 90% of “average 

earnings” or £128.73 for the 

remaining 33 weeks. 

Maternity Allowance (MA) may 

be available if you are not eligible 

to receive SMP and if you satisfy 

qualifying conditions, such as having 

at least 26 weeks’ service in the 66 

weeks up to and including the week 

of the due date. MA is payable for a 

continuous period of up to 39 weeks, 

starting as early as the 11th week 

preceding the week of the due date 

and from the day following the birth 

at the latest. 

MA is equal to the lesser of 90% of 

average earnings or £128.73 per 

week and is not taxable. 

Returning to work 

During SML you may work up to 

10 Keeping In Touch (KIT) days 

without losing any SMP. KIT days are 

designed to reacquaint the employee 

with their work and can be used to 

gradually return to full time work; KIT 

days are paid at a rate at least equal 

to the minimum wage (although many 

employers would pay pro rata salary). 

You have the right to return to the 

same job with the same terms and 

conditions of employment after 

ordinary maternity leave. After 

additional maternity leave the same 

rules apply unless the employer 

demonstrates it is not reasonably 

practical, in which case you must 

be offered a suitable job with terms 

and conditions that are no less 

favourable. 

Dad 

Statutory Paternity Leave (SPL) 

This may be available where you 

take leave to support the mother 

or carer of the child; you must fulfil 

the same qualifying conditions as 

for SPP (below), excluding the 

average earnings requirement. SPL 

may be taken for one week or two 

consecutive weeks in the period from 

the child’s birth until the eighth week 

after birth. Additional SPL may be 

20 Newsletter Winter 

* Child Trust Funds were abolished in early 2011; a ‘replacement’ child savings vehicle, the “Junior ISA” 

is due to be launched in November 2011.

Your rights 

taken for up to 26 weeks, provided 

that the mother has returned to work 

during the 39 week SML period. 

Additional SPL is available in respect 

of any period of unexpired SML and 

may be taken between 20 weeks and 

one year after the birth. 

SPL may be taken where the baby 

is stillborn after at least 24 weeks’ 

pregnancy or at any time if born alive 

at any stage of the pregnancy. 

Statutory Paternity Pay (SPP) 

This is financed by the employer and 

is a taxable benefit. SPP is payable for 

one week or two consecutive weeks 

in the period from the child’s birth until 

the eighth week after birth. Qualifying 

conditions apply, such as having 26 

weeks’ continuous service before 

week 25 of the pregnancy, continuing 

to be employed up to the date of 

birth and the same minimum income 

requirements as for SMP. You need 

not be the biological father, but you 

must expect to have responsibility for 

the child’s upbringing. 

SPP is equal to the lesser of 90% 

of average earnings or £128.73 per 

week. 

Returning to work 


same job after paternity leave on 

the same terms and conditions of 

employment as if you had not been 

absent; in case of redundancy, you 

must be treated on the same terms as 

other employees. 

Child(ren) aged over 1 year 

Flexible working hours 

If you have at least 26 weeks’ 

continuous service and care for a child 

aged under 17 then you have the right 

to request flexible working hours; the 

request may only be rejected in case 

of a good business reason. 

Parental leave (PL) 

This may be available in respect 

of a child aged under five (18 if 

the child is disabled) if you have at 

least one years’ service, (other legal 

qualifications apply). PL is a maximum 

of 13 weeks per parent per child 

and can be taken up to each child’s 

fifth birthday, subject to a maximum 

of four weeks per year (unless the 

employer agrees otherwise). PL is 

unpaid, however, employers may 

chose to offer benefits in excess of the 

mandatory minimum. 


same job after parental leave on 

the same terms and conditions of 

employment as if you had not been 

absent; in case of redundancy, you 

must be treated on the same terms as 

other employees. 

Adoption 

Many of the benefits that are available 

to biological parents are also available 

to adoptive parents, albeit with 

slight variations to account for the 

differences in the relationships (eg 

placement date instead of birth date). 

Armed with the above knowledge, I 

do hope this improves your view and 

helps prepare you for your journey into 

this new world of Parenthood. Good 

luck. 


Diary dates 

What’s on in your area 

MONDAY 

NCT Bumps & Babes for babies 

and toddlers, 10am to 12midday 

Goose Green Community Centre, 62A 

East Dulwich Road, London SE22 

9AT. £1/£1.50 a session. Contact 

bumpsnbabesSE22@southlondonnct. 

org 

Baby and Toddler group. Free. 

Under 5’s. 10.30am to 12.30pm. Free. 

Kingswood House, Seeley Drive, 

Kingswood Estate, SE21 8QN 

All Fired Up Café Music & Dancing 

group, from 12 months+ 10am to 

10.45. £3 a session. 34 East Dulwich 

Road, London SE22 9AX: 

Parent and toddler group for under 

5s, 10am to noon. St Faith’s Church, 

Red Post Hill SE24 9JQ. £1 a session. 

Stay and play. Under 5’s. 10am to 

noon. Heshima Centre, 2 Coxwell Rd, 

off Westow St, Upper Norwood, SE19 

3BG 

Treasure basket session - sensory 

play. 18 months to 5 years. 9am to 

10am. Bessemer Grange children’s 

centre, Dylways SE5 8HP 

Story Telling. 5 yrs and under. 

10.30am to noon. Camberwell library, 

17-21 Camberwell Church St, SE5 

8TR. 

Baby club. 18 months and under. 

10am to 11.30am. Grove children and 

family centre, Tower Mill Road, SE15 

6BP. Contact Lorraine 020 77016629 

Dance Little Bubbles. 18 months 

to 5 years. 11am to noon. Bessemer 

Grange children’s centre, Dylways 

SE5 8HP 

Little Conkers playgroup St Luke’s 

Church, West Norwood, West 

Norwood. Knights Hill, London SE27 

0HS: for babies, toddlers and young 

kids, 10am to 12 midday. £2 a session. 

Mint Street Playgroup. 10am to noon 

(all year) 9.30 to 11.30am (school 

holidays). Mint Street, SE1 1QP. 

Contact www.mintstreet.org.uk 

Stay and play. 18 months and under. 

1.30pm to 3pm. Albrighton community 

centre, Albrighton Road, East Dulwich 

Estate, SE22 8A. Contact Penny 020 

30497500 

Riverside parents soft play session 

- under 5s. Free. 3pm to 5pm. Salmon 

Youth Centre, 43 Old Jamaica Road, 

SE16 4TE. See www.facebook.com/ 

riversideparents 

TUESDAY 

Bookstart. Free. 10-11.30am. 

Kingswood House (details as above) 

NCT Bumps and Babes in 

conjunction with Little Gems 

playgroup. Salvation Army, Crystal 

Palace, 58 Westow Street, London 

SE19 3AF. Playgroup for 0-5yrs. From 

10am to 12midday. £2 per session. 

Little Treasures. 18 months and 

under. 9.30am to 11am. Bessemer 

Grange children’s centre, Dylways 

SE5 8HP 

Stay and play. Under 5’s. 9.30am to 

11.30am. Crawford Children’s centre, 

Crawford Road, Camberwell SE5 9NF 

Playgroup St. Barnabas’ Parish 

Hall, Gilkes Crescent, Dulwich Village, 

SE21 7BT. For babies and toddlers, 

9.30am to 11.30. £2 per child and 50p 

for second child. 

Playgroup Peter Pan Phoenix 

Centre, 66 Westow Street, London 

SE19 3AF, for babies and toddlers, 

9.30am to 11.30am. Please contact 

0208 771 6023 

Friends of mini mints: Mint street 

adventure playground 

Southwark bridge road, SE1 OEF 

Parent led toddler group. Age: Five 

and under Time: 9.30am to 11am, half 

term 9.30am to 11.30am 

Contact: 07919 354866 

Storytelling - Baby and toddler. Under 

5’s. 10.30am to noon. Grove Vale 

Library, 25-27 Grove vale, SE22 8EQ. 


- under 5s. Free. 10am to noon. 

Details as above. 

Mint Street Playgroup. 10am to noon 

(all year) 9.30 to 11.30am (school 

holidays). Details as above. 

Parent and toddler group, run by 

local mums. Under 5’s. 10am to noon. 

Denmark Hill Community Centre, 

Blanchedown, SE6 8HL, £1 per child. 

Call 020 7978 9465 

Baby Sensory - Exciting sensory 

experiences for parents and babies 

0 – 13 months. Activities vary 

weekly. Various times. St. Peters 

Church, Wickham Road, Brockley, 

London, SE4 1LT, contact dulwich@ 

babysensory.co.uk or 07545 247 963 

Diddi dance. Under 5’s. 1.15pm to 

2pm. The Grove children and family 

centre, Tower Mill Rd, Peckham SE15 

6BP. Contact Lorraine 07833 051882 

Stay and play for little walkers. 18 

months to 5 years. 1.30pm to 3pm. 

Bessemer Grange Children’s Centre 

(details as above) 


Diary dates 

Story time: Newington library, 155 

Walworth Road, SE17, 1RS Share 

books from around the world with your 

children. Term time only. Age: Five 

and under Time: 10.30am to 12pm 

and 1pm to 2.30pm Contact: 020 7749 

3382 

Bea’s Baby Bop Music, singing 

and dancing for babies and toddlers. 

Family Natural Health Centre, 106 

Lordship Lane, East Dulwich London 

SE22 8HF 3.30pm to 4.30pm. £5. 

WEDNESDAY 

Stay & Play session. 2-5 years old, 

10am to 11.30am. Free. Rosendale 

Children’s Centre, Rosendale Road, 

London SE21 8LR Tel: 020 8761 7411 

Toddler group, 9.30am to 11.30am. 

Free. Dulwich Wood Nursery & 

Children’s Centre, Lyall Avenue, SE21 

8QS, 020 75251192 

Bookstart. Under 5’s. 10am to 

11.30am. Lordship Lane tenants and 

residents association. 2a Bew Court, 

SE22 8NZ. Contact Susan 020 7401 

3382 

Little Gems Salvation Army, (details 

as above) From 10am to 12midday. £2 

per session. 

Baby Sensory. Various times. 

Christian Fellowship Centre, 39 Honor 

Oak Road, Forest Hill, London, SE23 

3SH. Course and contact details as 

above. 

Toddle time. Under 5’s. 10am to 

11.30am. Grove children and family 

centre (details as above) 

Grandparents stay and play Under 

5’s. 10am to noon. Bessemer Grange 

Children’s centre (details as above) 

Little Fishes. Under 5’s. 10.15am 

to 11.45am. The Grove Chapel, 96A 

Camberwell Grove, SE5 8RF 

Stay and play. Under 5’s. 10am to 

noon. Salvation Army, 105 Lomond 

Grove, SE5 

Boogie mite, 1pm to 2pm for under 

12 months, 2pm to 3pm for under 

12 months to 5 years. Crawford 

Children’s centre, Crawford Road, 

SE5 9NF. Tina 020 72748543. 



Family Natural Health Centre, (details 

as above) 

THURSDAY 

Bumps and Babies, 10am to 

12midday. Free. Dulwich Wood 

Nursery & Children’s Centre, (details 

as above) 


11.30am. Albrighton community 

centre, Albrighton Rd, East Dulwich 

Estate, SE22 8AH. 

Playgroup United Church Red Post 

Hill, London SE24 9PW, for babies 

and toddlers, 10am to 10.45am. £2.50 

a session. 

Little Gems. From 10am to 12midday. 

£2 per session. Salvation Army 


Messy play. 18 months to 5 years. 

1pm to 3pm. Bessemer Grange 

children’s centre (details as above) 


- under 5s. Free. 10am to noon. 

Details as above. 

Baby Sensory. Various times. 

Christian Fellowship Centre, 39 Honor 

Continued overleaf... 

Oak Road, Forest Hill, London, SE23 

3SH. Course and contact details as 

above. 

Wriggle and Rhyme. 2pm to 3.30pm. 

Free. Rosendale Children’s Centre 


Wriggle & Rhyme Play, stories, songs 

& craft Baby, toddler, young children, 

10.30am to 12midday and 1.30pm 

to 3pm. Free. Dulwich Library, 368 

Lordship Lane, SE22 8NB London. 

FRIDAY 

NCT Bumps & Babes 

(bumpsnbabes@southlondonnct. 

org) for babies and toddlers, St 

Faith’s Church, Red Post Hill SE24 

9JQ, 10am to 12midday. £1/£1.50 a 

session. 


11.30am. Camberwell library, 17-21 

Camberwell Church St, SE5 8TR. 

St Stephen’s Playgroup. 9.30 to 

11.30am. St Stephen’s Church, 

St Stephen’s Terrace, Stockwell, 

SW8 1DH. Contact nct.riverside_ 

ststephens@yahoo.co.uk 

Playgroup Peter Pan Phoenix 

Centre (details as above) for babies 

and toddlers, 9.30am to 11.30am. 

Little movers dance class. Under 

5’s. 10.15am to 10.45am or 11am to 

11.30am. Salvation Army, 101 Lomond 

Grove, SE5 7HG. 

Time to Play, 6 months to 2 years, 

10am to 11.30am. Free. Rosendale 

Children’s Centre (details as above) 

Mini music Camberwell choir 

school. Under 3’s. 10.30am to 11am. 

Cost £1. St Giles parish hall, 161 

Benhill Road, Camberwell SE5. 


Diary dates 

What’s on in your area (cont) 

Sparkle Music, Music classes for 

young babies, toddlers and young 

children all on Fridays, in East 

Dulwich. Contact anna@sparklemusic.co.uk 

or visit www.sparklemusic.co.uk 



Family Natural Health Centre (details 

as above) 

Babble and Squeak. East Dulwich 

Tavern, 1 Lordship Lane, London 

SE22 8EW: Communication focused 

playgroup led by speech & language 

therapist for babies and toddlers, 

10am to 11.45. £4 per baby/child, £2 

for siblings over 1 year and £1 for 

siblings over 6 months old. 

Story and Music time Carniege 

library, 188 Herne Hill Road: for under 

5s, 10.30am to 11am. Free 

Stay and play. Under 5’s. 1pm to 

3pm. Heshima Centre, 2 Coxwell Rd, 

off Westow St, Upper Norwood, SE19 

3BG 

Lambeth One o’clock clubs: http:// 

www.lambeth.gov.uk/Services/ 

EducationLearning/UnderFives/ 

StayAndPlay.htm 

Southwark playrooms: http:// 

www.southwark.gov.uk/info/200016/ 

childcare/702/childrens_playrooms 

Buggy Power Walk (Free). Various 

locations in and around Riverside 

branch 

www.nct.org.uk/branches/riverside 

Monthly – see website for date, time, 

location details 

Monkey Music Music and singing for 

babies and toddlers. Various days and 

locations, www.monkeymusic.co.uk 

Little Bubbles Music and singing for 


locations, www.littlebubbles.com 

Tin Pan Annie Music and singing for 


locations, www.tinpanannie.co.uk 

Whippersnappers Music and singing 

for babies and toddlers. Various days 

and locations, www.whippersnappers. 

org 

If you have details of an activity 

or playgroup you would like to 

share, please email parent.support. 

coordinator@southlondonnct.org 

Other resources 

Lambeth libraries: www.lambeth.gov. 

uk/Services/LeisureCulture/Libraries/ 

LocalLibraries/ 

Southwark libraries: www.southwark. 

gov.uk/info/437/libraries_and_ 

locations 

Lambeth children centres: http:// 

www.lambeth.gov.uk/services/ 

educationlearning/underfives/ 

childrencentres.htm 

Southwark children centres: www. 

southwark.gov.uk/directory/12/ 

southwark_community_directory/ 

category/85 


Breastfeeding 

Do you need help breastfeeding? 

There’s plenty of support 

available…. 

Ask for help 

Gaby Jeffs is our branch’s breastfeeding 

counsellor. She’s available to answer 

questions and provide support around 

baby feeding. Call 07905 662 870 or email 

gabyd.jeffs@virgin.net 

Where to go 

Breastfeeding cafes and drop-in clinics 

Monday (except Bank Holidays) 

Dulwich Breastfeeding Café 

Christchurch, Barry Road off Lordship 

Lane – use side entrance 

9.30am – midday 

Kennington Sure Start: Bosom Buddies 

Hurley Pre-School, Hurley House, 

Kempsford Road SE11 4PB 

1.15pm – 3pm 

Tuesday 

Deptford Breastfeeding Group 

Shaftsbury Christian Centre, Frankham 

Street, Deptford, SE8 4RN 

10am – midday (during term time) 

Run by Hazel and Sam, contact on 020 

8690 4753 

Ellen Brown Bermondsey Play Centre 

145 Grange Road, SE1 3EU 

10am – midday 

Call 07903 969541 or 020 7403 7482 

Grove Children and Family Centre 

Tower Mill Road, SE15 6BP 

1pm – 3pm 

Call 020 8694 3100 

Wednesday 

Bermondsey & Rotherhithe Breastfeeding 

Café 

Rotherhithe Primary School, Rotherhithe 

New Road, SE16 2PL 


Call 020 7771 5613 / 5614 / 3523 

Rushy Green Surgery 

Hawstead Road, SE6 

11am – 12.30pm 

Run by health visitor Pippa Shillington, call 

020 8697 1133 

Thursday 

Peckham & Camberwell Breastfeeding 

Café 

Peckham Library (5th floor), 122 Peckham 

High Street, SE15 5JR 


Effra Children’s Centre 

35 Effra Parade, SE2 1PL 

1pm – 3pm 

Stockwell Breastfeeding Café 

Children’s Centre, Burgoyne Road off 

Combermere Road, SW9 

2pm – 4pm 

Any queries contact midwife Melissa on 

07956 309 591 

The Milk Spot Breastfeeding Café 

Woodmansterne Children’s Centre, 

Stockport Road, Streatham, SE16 3DJ 

1pm – 3pm 

Call 07939 564 447 

Friday 

Borough & Walworth Breastfeeding Café 

1st Place Children’s & Parents Centre, 

Chumleigh Street, Burgess Park, E15 0RN 

1pm – 3pm 

Call 020 7771 3938 / 3935 

Other groups 

La Leche League 

The southeast London branch has 

meetings for pregnant and nursing mothers 

where issues surrounding breastfeeding 

babies and family life are discussed. Call 

Antonia for details on 020 8693 6435 

St George’s Hospital 

If you’re a patient you can book an 

appointment with breastfeeding counsellor 

Elizabeth Thompson at the following 

clinics: 

Tuesday afternoons at Brockelbank Health 

Centre, 249 Garratt Lane. Call 020 8700 

0100 

Thursdays 8.30am – 4pm at Thurleigh 

Road Practice, 88A Thurleigh Road, SE12. 

Call 020 8772 8829. 

St Thomas’ Hospital 

Breastfeeding workshops are run for St 

Thomas’ patients who are around 36 

weeks pregnant. Call 020 7922 5592 

Kings College Hospital 

Antenatal breastfeeding workshops run 

at Dulwich Hospital – mainly for King’s 

patients who are around 36 weeks. Make 

an appointment well in advance of your 

due date. Call 020 3299 3833 

Helplines 

The NCT Breastfeeding Line 

0300 330 0771 

Support and information is available 

Monday to Sunday between 8am and 

10pm 

La Leche League 

0845 120 2918 

Breastfeeding Network 

0870 900 8787 

Helpline is open 9.30am – 9.30pm 

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers 

020 7813 1481 

24-hour helpline 

Kings Message Line 

020 7346 4321 

Can provide venue information for 

breastfeeding support 

For breast pumps and Valley cushion hire, 

please turn to page 40 for hire contact 

details. 

Human milk bank 

Donors are urgently required. 

St Thomas’ call 020 7 188 4030 / 4031 

King’s call Paula Blanchette / Karen 

Powell on 020 3299 3038 or Clare Kedvas/ 

Joanne Joseph on 020 3299 3833 



How to raise your boys into fantastic men 

Jackie Furley wanted to make 

sure she was doing all she 

could to bring her son up to 

be a happy and confident 

young man… 

The riots that took place in the 

summer have brought to the very 

forefront of our minds the topic of 

children and how we as a nation are 

raising them. In some cultures, the 

upbringing of a child is deemed to be 

the responsibility of the community 

and not just the family unit. In our 

more secular Western society where 

the privacy of the nuclear family is 

jealously guarded, we as parents 

are charged with the task of bringing 

up our children. That is surely no 

mean feat. As the proud mother of a 

two and a half year old boy I went to 

the Rosendale Children’s Centre to 

attend a four session course called 

“Raising boys”. 

Although it’s called Raising Boys, the 

course was developed by the Boys 

Development Project and is also 

known as the About Boys Course. 

Helen Wroe, our course facilitator 

and the centre’s Family Outreach 

Worker, is one of 65 accredited 

trainers who currently deliver the 

course to mothers with sons around 

the country. Rosendale CC calls the 

course Raising Boys after parent 

feedback told them this sounded 

more accessible and relevant. 

As mothers we want to better 

understand our sons since we 

are not of the male species. Their 

behaviour can seem quite puzzling 

and infuriating at times, which should 

not be an unfamiliar feeling as we 

sometimes feel that way about their 

fathers! 

When I and the seven other mothers 

were asked the reasons for our 

attendance our replies ranged from 

“I want to learn to cope better” to 

“I don’t understand my son” and “I 

don’t want to raise a stereotype”. 

I told the group that I wanted to 

learn to be a better parent because 

I realised that if I wanted anything 

to change, I am going to have to do 

it myself, rather than heap a whole 

lot of unrealistic expectations on my 

son Matthew. 

We learnt that boys, more than 

girls, have a tendency to get into 

a whole heap of trouble - anything 

ranging from school suspensions to 

criminal activities and even death by 

unnatural causes. This sobering fact 

set the tone of seriousness of the 

purpose of why we were all there. 

Our boys may be barely toilet-trained 

at the moment, but we have to start 

thinking now about how we want to 

raise them now so that they become 

responsible and happy adults. 

One thing is clearly obvious: boys 

are different to girls. How? Well, as 

a generalisation, we know boys to 

be more physical than girls hence 

they run about taking more risks. 

What was a revelation to me was the 

idea that boys see the whole world 

as a playground, so context is more 

difficult for them. Put yourself in their 

shoes: “if I can jump on the sofa 

at home then when I see a sofa, 

any sofa, I will jump on it”. Girls, by 

contrast, are more aware of their 

surrounding and will act accordingly. 

Hence going to church is not an 

obstacle course of pews to be 

climbed. Boys are also apparently 

more scientific, which means that not 

only will they experiment constantly, 

they will do it repeatedly and almost 

obsessively to see whether the 

outcome is the same each time. 

Sounds reasonably harmless if 

little Tommy is testing gravity by 

throwing food on the floor. But it’s 

not so funny when the outcome 

being observed by little Tommy is 

our increasing level of hysteria. To 

sum up, boys act inappropriately 

repeatedly. Boys take more risks 

because they learn by doing so. 

Boys are physically further from us. 

Which leads us to shout more at 

boys. Wow. Spot on. 

In the second session, we learnt 

more about boys’ behaviour. Firstly, 

boys are reactors not creators. 

Girls on the other hand can create 

something from nothing. This really 

struck home as Matthew has a girl 

playmate just 6 days older who can 

entrance him by spinning a story 

entirely in her own words, as she 

cannot yet read, using the pictures 

in a book she has not seen before, 

and creating a credible storyline. 

Secondly, boys are just like dogs. 

They are simple creatures- feed 

me, walk me, take me to the toilet, 

love me. The third point is boys form 

habits quickly. 

None of these are negatives in 

their entirety but if we don’t try to 

understand them or parent in a way 

that is sympathetic, then we may be 

missing something. Like the point 

of boys being reactors. For me, this 

explains why video games are so 

popular with boys, especially the 

more action-packed ones since they 

require the player to respond to a 

given situation. A gun is pointed at 

the player, shoot first otherwise risk 

getting shot first. 



So what can we do to make things 

easier for us and for our boys? 

Well, there are the simple commonsensical 

suggestions like making 

sure our boys are getting 

enough rest, eating the right kinds 

of food and spending time with 

them. What is definitely harder is 

making sure we are consistent in 

our reactions and trying to couch our 

responses in positive terms. A good 

tip is to remember to make sure we 

mean what we say. Stern words 

with stern eyes will give you a better 

chance of a result. Stern words with 

laughing eyes will not get taken 

seriously. The other day Matthew 

farted at the dinner table and before 

we could admonish him, he said 

“pardon you”. There was no point 

telling him off when we were rocking 

with laughter, so we just applauded 

him for being polite. 

And most importantly, we parents 

mustn’t hold a grudge. Boys 

certainly don’t. They can move on 

very quickly. That’s why they’re able 

to say sorry, hug, and run off to play 

dinosaur while we are still seething 

with anger. Fast forward 30 years on 

- sorry, hug, football on telly. 

Our facilitator Helen then introduced 

us to some techniques that would 

help though she told us that 

we would have to discover for 

ourselves which worked best with 

our own son (NB: please feel free 

to apply to girls and *ahem* adult 

males). I found some of the tips 

difficult to put into action because 

it involved suppressing some very 

innate female tendencies such as 

shrieking at high pitch (their low 

tones and their habit of speaking 

slowly is apparently why men tend 

Continued overleaf... 



How to raise your boys into fantastic men 

(cont...) 

to command more obedience than us women) and using 

fewer words (I now say “Shoes on please” instead of 

“Can you put your shoes on please”). 

The other thing I learnt is that I had to use less of was 

the “naughty corner” because I wasn’t teaching Matthew 

anything by putting him there each time he acted up. 

The aim is to make him learn, so putting him on the 

naughty step or time out corner for not eating his lunch 

won’t get the message across. Quite the opposite, as in 

fact I would have saved him from eating sardines. One 

mother said that when her boy tore a page out of his 

favourite book, she didn’t punish him. Instead when he 

wanted her to read the book to him, he was quite put out 

to rediscover the missing page and she reminded him 

that because he tore out the page, they couldn’t read the 

book together properly anymore. 

One technique that worked remarkably well for me was 

taking some time-out. When you cannot trust yourself 

to not burst out, remove yourself completely from the 

situation to take stock and calm down. Matthew wouldn’t 

apologise for hitting me, so I was in a real huff with him 

when I dropped him at nursery (so it was forced timeout). 

Three hours later at pick-up, I was much calmer 

and wasn’t thinking about it anymore when he surprised 

me by recounting the incident and saying “Sorry mama”. 

I had to hold back tears. 

Other techniques I already knew of include using the 

non-negotiable “no” for dangerous situations, and also 

distraction. In addition to using Helen’s recommended 

aeroplane and squirrel-spotting distraction ploys, I can 

direct Matthew’s behaviour in such a way as to pre-empt 

a meltdown and get him to do what I want. For example, 

leaving the animal farm to go home is potentially tantrum 

territory as he loves his animals, so instead of saying 

we have to leave I just simply tell him to say ‘bye-bye’ 

and ‘see you’ to all the animals. Matthew loves saying 

goodbye, he even says goodbye to lampposts! Result, 

smooth exit and some very interesting goodbyes 

including one to donkey poo! 

Space constraints do not permit me to go into what we 

learnt in week three (What motivates boys) and week 

four (Transitions in a boys early life). But if you would 

like to find out more, I will be posting my articles on the 

branch yahoo page http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ 

southwarkandlambethnct/ in the coming months. So 

please join to read further. I thoroughly enjoyed the 

course and took away a better understanding and some 

good ideas. 

The above is all my own experience and do not 

represent the views of RCC (www.rosendale. 

cc) or the Boys Development Project (www. 

boysdevelopmentproject.org.uk). 


Your NCT needs you 

Can you fill these vacancies? 

RIVERSIDE 

If you can fill any of these vacancies 

please get in touch at nct.riverside@ 

yahoo.co.uk or the relevant email 

addresses below. 

St Stephens Playgroup: This runs 

on Fridays from 9.30 to 11.30 and 

is popular for children aged 0 to 5; 

including lots of second time parents 

with a toddler and a baby. There’s 

a huge indoor space in which your 

little ones can run around. However, 

this playgroup urgently needs help 

to set up and pack up. Without this 

vital support it can’t continue. Please 

contact us to add your name to the 

volunteer rota on a regular or ad hoc 

basis (whatever suits you) for just 

15 minutes immediately before/after 

playgroup. Contact nct.riverside_ 

ststephens@yahoo.co.uk 

Fundraising Co-ordinator: Are 

you a keen organiser? Do you love 

to delegate? This role is perfect for 

you! You’ll oversee smaller groups 

setting up events and running 

activities. You’ll have an overview of 

all the initiatives in the branch, help 

come up with new ideas and support 

our volunteers. 

Tea Group Hosts: NCT Tea Groups 

are run in many ways; some hosts 

invite a small group of local mums 

with similar aged babies for a cuppa 

at their home or a local venue. 

Others run a regular group at the 

same location every week. The host 

is there to break the ice and help 

new mums find a friendly support 

network. We’re always happy to 

have new hosts but we particularly 

need more in SE16. Contact: nct. 

riverside_tgc@yahoo.co.uk 

Area Representatives & Event 

Coordinators: Have you recently 

heard about a new playgroup, 

activity or local resource? Or 

changes to existing events or 

activities? Let us know what’s going 

on and what local parents really 

want. Help us keep our “What’s 

on” data up to date and relevant. 

Contact: nct.riverside@yahoo.co.uk 

BRIXTON, DULWICH AND 

STREATHAM 

We have vacancies for the following 

positions. 

Branch co-chair: The branch is 

seeking a co-chair for the Brixton/ 

Dulwich/Streatham side of things to 

lead the branch and be the principal 

link between it and the other parts 

of the NCT and the local community. 

It’s hard work and challenging 

at times, but always interesting 

and worthwhile, and definitely an 

excellent addition to your CV. If 

you’re interested, please get in touch 

with Victoria Eldridge, the existing 

chair at chair@southlondonnct.org 

Membership secretary 

The membership secretary plays a 

vital role locally, and is one of the 

mandatory roles that needs to be 

filled as you’ll often be the first point 

of contact with the NCT that parents 

have. It’s a very rewarding role 

and could work well as a job share 

(you could share with a friend). 

Contact Zana at membership@ 

southlondonnct.org for further 

details. 

First Aid classes coordinator: 

We’re provide first aid classes 

with First Aid for Life and need a 

volunteer to take over. It wouldn’t 

take up much time. You’d need 

to agree dates with the service 

provider, find a suitable venue 

and liaise with parents re details, 

payment, confirmation. Email 

firstaid@southlondonnct.org if you’re 

interested. 

Newsletter editor: There’s a lot of 

help and support to be had. It’s a 

great chance to get your creative 

juices flowing and build your 

communication skills. Interested? 

Contact: newsletter.editorial@ 

southlondonnct.org 

Writers and designers: If you’re 

a designer, writer or a budding 

journalist we’d love to hear from 

you. Contact newsletter.design@ 


Nearly New Sale treasurer: 

Our sales are some of the most 

successful in the country! The 

treasurer will be responsible for all 

monetary aspects of running the 

three annual sales. Contact NNS. 

treasurer@southlondonnct.org, 

Tea hosts for all postcodes: SE5, 

SE15, SE19, SE21, SE22, SE24, 

SE27, SW2 and SW16 Tea groups 

are good places to pick up tips on 

local events and an excellent way 

to meet new people in your area. 

Interested? Email tea.groups@ 

southlondonnct.org if you can help. 

Very Important Volunteers (VIV’s): 

If you have a few hours to spare, 

let us put you on our list of VIV’s 

so we can ask you to help on an 

ad-hoc basis. Contact secretary@ 

southlondonnct.org with your details. 


Meet the teams 

A who’s who of all the volunteers… 

The Riverside branch 

Riverside branch has had a “changing 

of the guard” as some of our outgoing 

volunteers step down to concentrate 

on family, work, study and even 

relocation out of our branch. We thank 

them for all their wonderful, hard 

work and we have great pleasure in 

introducing you to the new team… 

Branch Committee 

Chair: Peta Alvares nct.riverside_ 

chair@yahoo.co.uk 

Secretary: yet to be confirmed nct. 

riverside@yahoo.co.uk 

Membership Secretary: Tarnya Wilkins 

nct.riverside_membership@yahoo. 

co.uk 

Treasurer: Natalee Jeremic nct. 

riverside_treasurer@yahoo.co.uk 

Antenatal support 

PSA link: Caroline Flint caroline. 

midwife@gmail.com 

Antenatal teachers: 

Caroline Flint caroline.midwife@gmail. 

com 

Sarah Savaskan sarah@savaskan. 

co.uk 07802324802 or 020 7737 5777 

Postnatal support 

Tea Groups 

Tea Group Coordinator: Anita Shannon 

nct.riverside_tgc@yahoo.co.uk 

Tea Group contacts: 

SE1 Henrietta Hill teahostSE1@ 

southlondonnct.org and nct.riverside_ 

tgSE1@yahoo.co.uk 

SE11 nct.riverside_tgSE11@yahoo. 

co.uk 


co.uk 


co.uk 

SW8 nct.riverside_tgSW8@yahoo. 

co.uk 

SW9 nct.riverside_tgSW9@yahoo. 

co.uk 

SW8 & SW9 Louise Rinaldi & Sheila 

Chawla nctteasriverside@gmail.com 

Postnatal Teacher 

Pippa Brook pip@biblelog.net 

07913171831 

Nearly New Sales 

Julia Sattler & Caroline Flint 

riversidenctnearlynewsales@gmail. 

com 

Newsletter Editor: Tarnya Wilkins nct. 

riverside_editorial@yahoo.co.uk 

First Aid Course Coordinator: Anita 

Shannon nct.riverside_fac@yahoo. 

co.uk 

Website Editor: Gwenda Wong nct. 

riverside_website@yahoo.co.uk 

St Stephen’s Playgroup: Anna 

Fairclough nct.riverside_ststephens@ 

yahoo.c.uk 

Fundraising coordinator: *vacant 

* Volunteers are still required for St 

Stephen’s Playgroup, Fundraising 

Coordinator, Tea Groups and Area 

Representatives (to maintain our 

“What’s on” lists) 

Brixton, Dulwich and 

Streatham branch 

Branch Committee 

Chair: Victoria Eldridge chair@ 


Secretary: Tracy Germain secretary@ 


Treasurer: Nicky Stoney treasurer@ 


Membership secretary: VACANT 

membership@southlondonnct.org 

Parent Support Coordinator: Laura 

Irving parent.support@southlondonnct. 

org 

Branch social coordinator: 

Kim McGowan tea.groups@ 


Information, media and advertising 

Newsletter designer: Mandy Mazliah 

Newsletter.design@southlondonnct. 

org 

Advertising coordinator and treasurer: 

Vicky Bowers 

advertising@southlondonnct.org 

e-Group moderator: Tracy Germain 

and Jackie Furley 

Website editor: Helen Peavitt web. 

editor@southlondonnct.org 

Antenatal support 

Information and booking: 

Alison Johnson 0844 243 6921 / 

bookings4h@nct.org.uk 

PSA link: 

Tracy Germain 

secretary@southlondonnct.org 

Antenatal teachers: Joanna Brien 

Joanna@mckelvie11.fsnet.co.uk 

Tel: 020 8677 9352 

Maria Pinter maria@pinterandmartin. 

com Tel: 020 7207 0753 

Xenia McGrane xenialevy@aol.com 

Tel: 020 8670 0832 

Tessa Dailey tessaleila@hotmail.com 

Sophie Dekker sophie_dekker@ 

hotmail.com Tel: 020 8769 9509 

Becky Byrne: rebecca.byrne@o2.co. 

uk Tel: 020 7732 8999 

Jesusa Ricoy: jesusaricoy@ 

googlemail.com 

Alice Yeates: yeatesa@btinternet.com 

Annie Wasdell: annie@wasdell.com 

Tel: 020 7639 4108 


Meet the teams 

Elodie Nelson: enelsonantenatal@ 

gmail.com 

Home birth support group: Home.Birth. 

Support@southlondonnct.org 

Joanna Brien Joanna@mckelvie11. 

fsnet.co.uk Tel: 020 8677 9352 

Annie Wasdell annie@wasdell.com 

Tel: 020 7639 4108 

Becky Byrne rebecca.byrne@o2.co.uk 

Tel: 020 7732 8999 

Maria Pinter maria@pinterandmartin. 

com Tel: 020 7207 0753 

Xenia McGrane xenialevy@aol.com 

Tel: 020 8670 0832 

Tessa Dailey tessaleila@hotmail.com 

Postnatal support 

NCT Breastfeeding Counsellor: 

Gaby Jeffs Gabyd.jeffs@virgin.net Tel: 

07905 662870 

NCT Trainee Breastfeeding 

Counsellors: 

Amy Tiltman 

Farhana Nasir 

Miscarriage Support: 

Sue Eastham Tel: 020 7095 9954 

Lydia Syson Tel: 020 7737 5259 

Special Experience Register NCT: 

Head Office Tel: 0300 33 00 770 

Postnatal Coordinator Trainee: Beth 

Folini 

Postnatal teacher: Pippa Brook 

First Aid Course Coordinator: VACANT 

firstaid@southlondonnct.org pip@ 

biblelog.net 

NCT Nearly New Sales team: 

NNS General Sale Orgaiser: Nicky 

Stoney 

NNS General Inquiries: 

Sharon Erdman NNS.geninfo@ 

southlondonncct.org 

NNS Seller Bookings: 

Nicky Stoney NNS.bookings@ 

southlonnct.org 

NNS Volunteers: Anne Borkwood 

NNS.volunteers@southlondonnct.org 

NNS Treasurer: VACANT NNS. 

treasurer@southlondonnct.org 

Local hospital representatives: 

St George’s MSAG 

Sophie Dekker 

Kings’ MSLC 

Joanna Brien (Chair) 

Gaby Jeffs 

Annie Wasdell 

St Thomas’ MSCL 

Kathleen Beegan 

Annie Wasdell 

Tea groups: 

teahostSE5@southlondonnct,org 







teahostSW2@southlondonnct,org 

teahostSW16@southlondonnct,org 

Tea host coordinator: Kim McGowan 

tea.groups@southlondonnct.org; 

Second time tea groups coordinator: 

Victoria Eldridge Second.Baby.Tea. 

Groups@southlondonnct.org 

Bumps and Babes: 

Bumps & Babes SE19: Jackie Furley 

bumpsnbabesse19@southlondonnct. 

org 

Bumps & Babes SE21: Alice Yeates 

bumpsnbabes@southlondonnct.org 

Bumps & Babes SE22: Becky Taggart 

bumpsnbabesse22@southlondonnct. 

org 

Equipment hire: 

Valley Cushions valley.cushions@ 


Agent SE15 Alison Tunley Tel: 020 

7639 6366 

Agent SE16 Nancy Sibson Tel: 020 

8696 0868 

NCT Maternity Bra Agent Marissa 

Charles Tel: 07946 197791 

NCT Sales Tel: 08458 100 100 

NCT Branch vacancies 

Please see pages 24-5 for details 

about the exciting and varied 

vacancies currently available. We will 

be happy to discuss further with you if 

you are interested in joining the team, 

so please contact the email associated 

with each vacancy. 

NCT national contacts 

NCT National Website www.nct.org.uk 

Membership Hotline 0844 243 7000 

NCT Shop www.nctshop.co.uk 

NCT 24 Hour Breastfeeding Helpline 

0300 330 0771 

NCT Pregnancy & Birth Helpline 0300 

330 0772 

NCT Postnatal Helpline 0300 330 

0773 

Photos in this issue 

All photos in this issue are reproduced 

with the kind permission of the various 

photographers and children’s parents. 

Please email Mandy at newsletter. 

design@southlondonnct.org if you 

have any photos you would like to 

include in the next issue. 



How do you talk to your child? 

Caroline Laycock of Talking 

Tots says simple activities 

can make all the difference… 

Somewhere around your child’s first 

birthday, they’ll amaze you with their 

first word. Chances are that word will 

soon be followed by a second and a 

third word – and before you know it, 

your little one will be chattering away 

so much you can hardly get a word in 

edgeways! 

However, new research shows that 

almost half of all children starting 

primary school don’t have the 

communication skills they need to 

learn effectively. 

The good news is you can boost 

your child’s communication skills 

and social confidence through the 

right combination of encouragement, 

play and practice. One such preschool 

activity group is called Talking 

Tots. The company was created by 

Tracey Park and Lisa Houghton, two 

experienced paediatric speech and 

language therapists, who saw an 

increasing number of children in their 

clinics with communication problems. 

From a very early age, parents should 

be amateur commentators. When 

you’re making dinner, tell your baby 

about all the delicious ingredients 

you’re preparing. If you’re walking to 

the park, make a point of naming all 

the shops and places as you pass 

them by. Don’t overdo it: leave space 

for your baby to respond, even before 

they can talk. They’ll gradually begin 

making noises in response to your 

questions and one day they’ll surprise 

you with an answer! 

Ask questions with options and don’t 

anticipate their needs. If your baby 

points to the fridge, don’t simply give 

them the milk. Instead, say ‘Oh, I see 

you need a drink. Would you like milk 

or juice?’ which encourages them to 

talk to you. 

Learning a whole new language is 

hard work, and most toddlers will 

make a few mistakes along the way. If 

your child says “bik” for “biscuit” don’t 

correct him. Be a good role model. If 

your toddler asks for a ‘bik’, you can 

respond, ‘Oh, you want a biscuit’. That 

way he hears the correct word and 

eventually he’ll pick up the difference. 

Helping your child to develop confident 

communication will give them a head 

start in the classroom, but the benefits 

can be life-long. Communication is the 

bedrock of almost everything we do, 

from making new friends to learning 

new skills, so giving children good 

communication skills means you’re 

giving them the best start in life. 

Top tips for helping your child 

communicate 

• Chatter matters! Tell your baby 

what you’re doing, whether it’s 

changing his nappy or making his 

supper. Don’t forget to leave room 

for him to answer you. 

• Read as much as you can. Books 

help build your child’s vocabulary 

and if Mum and Dad can join in 

with silly voices and sound effects, 

it will encourage your little one to 

try out new sounds too. 

• Be descriptive. If your child points 

to a tree, talk about how big it is, 

what colour it is. Help your child to 

learn to describe the world around 

them. 

• Don’t tell your child when she gets 

something wrong and don’t use 

baby talk yourself. Instead, use 

the correct words and gradually 

she will begin to copy you. 

• Play games. Simple games such 

as “I spy” will help your child 

become aware of sounds, which 

will help him later on, when he 

learns to read. 

Further information: 

To find out more or to book a place 

in one of the classes, please visit our 

website www.talkingtots.info

Autumn 2011 - Mandy Mazliah

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