Autumn 2011 - Mandy Mazliah

Raising children
How to raise your boys into fantastic men
(cont...)
to command more obedience than us women) and using
fewer words (I now say “Shoes on please” instead of
“Can you put your shoes on please”).
The other thing I learnt is that I had to use less of was
the “naughty corner” because I wasn’t teaching Matthew
anything by putting him there each time he acted up.
The aim is to make him learn, so putting him on the
naughty step or time out corner for not eating his lunch
won’t get the message across. Quite the opposite, as in
fact I would have saved him from eating sardines. One
mother said that when her boy tore a page out of his
favourite book, she didn’t punish him. Instead when he
wanted her to read the book to him, he was quite put out
to rediscover the missing page and she reminded him
that because he tore out the page, they couldn’t read the
book together properly anymore.
One technique that worked remarkably well for me was
taking some time-out. When you cannot trust yourself
to not burst out, remove yourself completely from the
situation to take stock and calm down. Matthew wouldn’t
apologise for hitting me, so I was in a real huff with him
when I dropped him at nursery (so it was forced timeout).
Three hours later at pick-up, I was much calmer
and wasn’t thinking about it anymore when he surprised
me by recounting the incident and saying “Sorry mama”.
I had to hold back tears.
Other techniques I already knew of include using the
non-negotiable “no” for dangerous situations, and also
distraction. In addition to using Helen’s recommended
aeroplane and squirrel-spotting distraction ploys, I can
direct Matthew’s behaviour in such a way as to pre-empt
a meltdown and get him to do what I want. For example,
leaving the animal farm to go home is potentially tantrum
territory as he loves his animals, so instead of saying
we have to leave I just simply tell him to say ‘bye-bye’
and ‘see you’ to all the animals. Matthew loves saying
goodbye, he even says goodbye to lampposts! Result,
smooth exit and some very interesting goodbyes
including one to donkey poo!
Space constraints do not permit me to go into what we
learnt in week three (What motivates boys) and week
four (Transitions in a boys early life). But if you would
like to find out more, I will be posting my articles on the
branch yahoo page http://groups.yahoo.com/group/
southwarkandlambethnct/ in the coming months. So
please join to read further. I thoroughly enjoyed the
course and took away a better understanding and some
good ideas.
The above is all my own experience and do not
represent the views of RCC (www.rosendale.
cc) or the Boys Development Project (www.
boysdevelopmentproject.org.uk).
28 Newsletter Winter