Autumn 2011 - Mandy Mazliah

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Raising children How to be your child’s favourite story-teller Chartered Clinical Psychologist Dr Briant explains the incredible power of making things up… What’s so great about stories? Even more than reading a great book, I love the way in which a story can be used to help a child overcome a fear, learn a new skill, or cope with a difficult experience. And the best bit is that the child never has to consciously make the connection. It sounds too good to be true but, believe me, I have seen it work. In my job as a Clinical Child Psychologist, I also love the way that using stories in this way can bring an adult and child closer together. Lots of parents I meet think that using stories in this way just isn’t for them. “I can’t make up a story” is a comment I often hear. What they forget is that we all tell stories all of the time. Stories don’t have to be highly creative works of fiction with ‘proper’ sentences and beautify illustrations. Many of our conversations are actually stories. When we talk about a past experience (either when we were a child, or yesterday in the supermarket) we are telling a story. With a little thought, most people can create a story that will lead to change for a child. Ok I’ll have a go, but what do I actually have to do? 1. Start by thinking about what you want to target. Do you want your child to learn a new skill (sharing with peers, making friends etc)? Do you want to help them understand an event (e.g. divorce, the death of a grandparent)? Or do you want them to cope with a difficult event (e.g. separating from you at nursery)? 2. Decide upon your main character. This could be a TV character (e.g. Ben 10), a made up vehicle/animal/adult/ child, another fictional character (e.g. Superman). It’s best to pick something that your child will find engaging, so don’t pick a little mouse if your child is scared of them. 3. Think through the story you want to tell, mirroring what has happened to your child and finding an ending. Remember that the characters don’t have to be perfect—it is good if they take a few attempts to overcome the difficult / learn the new skill. 4. Consider adding additional characters to help the main one learn the new skill. 5. Ensure you add in feelings that you think your child has experienced in the situation. 6. Have a go at telling the story at a convenient time (this could be bedtime, in the car, at snack time) Don’t expect your child to go ‘oh that’s about me I better do what you Fred did in the story’. It still works even if they don’t make this conscious link. Whatever you do resist the temptation to add the ‘moral of the story is...’ - this just destroys the power of all that you have done. If you want to reinforce the story then type it out with spaces for your child to draw or stick in pictures to illustrate the story. If you get stuck try asking your child to fill in a gap. For example, “Fred got very scared and tried to think what to do. What ideas do you think he came up with?” or “Oh no. What do you think had happened?” Sometimes kids will fill in the blanks and if they do it is generally with ideas, feelings, thoughts or worries that they are experiencing so it is useful stuff to know. If you don’t know how to end it consider using a soap opera ending— ’to find out what happened after that you’ll have to wait until tomorrow bed time’. This gives you time to work it out. If you are really struggling then consider finding some published stories you can use. Look at www. youthinmind.info or talk to your local librarian. Some ideas for stories with common themes are in the boxes on the following pages. If you love telling stories to your child then consider having regular stories at bedtime about your chosen character. That way you can drip-feed ideas on how to make friends, share, eat nicely or anything else of importance on a regular basis. In between you can tell stories about your character learning to be a fireman/builder/ballet dancer/ princess. If it works for you, you can always type up stories with spaces and cut and paste pictures or get your child to draw pictures to go with the story. This is 10 Newsletter Winter
Get Involved Raising children another cunning way of repeating the story. So, by this point you are either raring to go or you are thinking you could never get stories to work for you. Either way here are some story ideas to help you create some stories between you and your child. Go on, have a go. If nothing else it will be useful. Useful reading for adults who want to know more • Annie Stories - Dorris Brett • Using story telling as a therapeutic tool with children - Margot Sunderland Useful books to help children learn • Under the bed - Paul Bright & Ben Cort • How Kind - Mary Murphy (giving to others) • No Matter What - Debi Gliori (love continues always / after death) • Guess How Much I love you - Sam McBratney (grown ups love children very much) • It’s Not Fair! - Anita Harper & Mary McQuillan (sibling rivalry) • Morris and the Bundle of Worries - Jill Seeney • George is Jealous - Anne Gutman & Georg Hallensleben • Don’t be a bully Billy - Phil Roxbee Cox & Jan McCafferty • Don’t tell lies Lucy - Phil Roxbee Cox & Jan McCafferty • Waterbugs & Dragonflies - Doris Stickney (metaphor for death) Little Bear says ‘No Nursery’ Sometimes when Little Bear wakes up, Mummy Bear says “it’s a nursery day today.” “Oh no”, says Little Bear, “not nursery. I don’t want to go to nursery.” And he feels sad inside. Little Bear likes the little cars at nursery. Little Bear likes the big cars at nursery. Little Bear likes circle time. Little Bear likes reading books at nursery. Little Bear likes playing with his friends at nursery. Little Bear likes painting and drawing at nursery. He doesn’t like saying goodbye to Mummy Bear. It makes him feel very sad. Mummy Bear helps by giving him a big hug before she says goodbye and she tells Little Bear that she will see him again at tea time. [name of special toy] helps by staying with Little Bear all day. The Nursery Bears help by reminding Little Bear about all the nice things he can do at nursery. Soon it is time for Daddy Bear to arrive to pick him up. Little Bear is so busy having fun he doesn’t see Daddy Bear at first. Goodbye Little Bear, see you again soon. A story about sharing for a toddler When Lighting McQueen was little he didn’t know how to share yet. He wanted to play with his friends but they didn’t want to play with him because he took all the best toys. He got very sad because no-one played with him. His mum and dad decided to help him learn to share. They explained that he had to give some of the best toys to his friends and then play all together. They all practiced together. At first Lightning found it very hard and kept grabbing everything back. Eventually he started to offer the toys to his mum to play with him. Then he had a go at playgroup. The other boys started to play with him and he was really pleased. The Little Princess and the Big Bedroom The Little Princess has grown up a lot and Mummy and Daddy say that it is time for a big bed and a big bedroom. The Little Princess likes her big bedroom. She likes having nice pictures on the wall. She likes having toys in her bedroom. In the mornings the Little Princess can get up and play with her toys. In the daytime the Little Princess can go upstairs and play in her big bedroom. At bedtime the Little Princess sits on her big bed for stories and milk before she goes to sleep. She is very glad to have a big bedroom. Sometimes the Little Princess wakes up in the night. It is dark and she gets scared. Mummy and Daddy help by putting on a soft light so that the Little Princess can see around her. Even with the light the Little Princess thinks that there might be a monster in her big bedroom. She feels very scared. [Name of special toy] helps by reminding the Little Princess that there are no such things as monsters and helping her to think about all the nice things she has done in the daytime. Next time the Little Princess wakes up in the night she remembers what [special toy] has told her and isn’t so scared. Soon it is time to wake up. Everyone is happy that the Little Princess managed to get back to sleep. Newsletter Winter 11
Page 1: Newsletter Brixton, Dulwich and Str
Page 5 and 6: Welcome Letter from Victoria Welcom
Page 7 and 8: Welcome to the world... Lola Mary W
Page 9: Raising children TV and children: W
Page 13 and 14: Get Involved Raising children Our s
Page 15 and 16: Raising children I also have two ch
Page 17 and 18: Raising children Meet your three ye
Page 19 and 20: Raising children might also get to
Page 21 and 22: Your rights taken for up to 26 week
Page 23 and 24: Diary dates Story time: Newington l
Page 25 and 26: Breastfeeding Do you need help brea
Page 27 and 28: Raising children So what can we do
Page 29 and 30: Your NCT needs you Can you fill the
Page 31 and 32: Meet the teams Elodie Nelson: enels

Autumn 2011 - Mandy Mazliah

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