Autumn 2011 - Mandy Mazliah

More documents

Recommendations

Info

Raising children How to raise your boys into fantastic men Jackie Furley wanted to make sure she was doing all she could to bring her son up to be a happy and confident young man… The riots that took place in the summer have brought to the very forefront of our minds the topic of children and how we as a nation are raising them. In some cultures, the upbringing of a child is deemed to be the responsibility of the community and not just the family unit. In our more secular Western society where the privacy of the nuclear family is jealously guarded, we as parents are charged with the task of bringing up our children. That is surely no mean feat. As the proud mother of a two and a half year old boy I went to the Rosendale Children’s Centre to attend a four session course called “Raising boys”. Although it’s called Raising Boys, the course was developed by the Boys Development Project and is also known as the About Boys Course. Helen Wroe, our course facilitator and the centre’s Family Outreach Worker, is one of 65 accredited trainers who currently deliver the course to mothers with sons around the country. Rosendale CC calls the course Raising Boys after parent feedback told them this sounded more accessible and relevant. As mothers we want to better understand our sons since we are not of the male species. Their behaviour can seem quite puzzling and infuriating at times, which should not be an unfamiliar feeling as we sometimes feel that way about their fathers! When I and the seven other mothers were asked the reasons for our attendance our replies ranged from “I want to learn to cope better” to “I don’t understand my son” and “I don’t want to raise a stereotype”. I told the group that I wanted to learn to be a better parent because I realised that if I wanted anything to change, I am going to have to do it myself, rather than heap a whole lot of unrealistic expectations on my son Matthew. We learnt that boys, more than girls, have a tendency to get into a whole heap of trouble - anything ranging from school suspensions to criminal activities and even death by unnatural causes. This sobering fact set the tone of seriousness of the purpose of why we were all there. Our boys may be barely toilet-trained at the moment, but we have to start thinking now about how we want to raise them now so that they become responsible and happy adults. One thing is clearly obvious: boys are different to girls. How? Well, as a generalisation, we know boys to be more physical than girls hence they run about taking more risks. What was a revelation to me was the idea that boys see the whole world as a playground, so context is more difficult for them. Put yourself in their shoes: “if I can jump on the sofa at home then when I see a sofa, any sofa, I will jump on it”. Girls, by contrast, are more aware of their surrounding and will act accordingly. Hence going to church is not an obstacle course of pews to be climbed. Boys are also apparently more scientific, which means that not only will they experiment constantly, they will do it repeatedly and almost obsessively to see whether the outcome is the same each time. Sounds reasonably harmless if little Tommy is testing gravity by throwing food on the floor. But it’s not so funny when the outcome being observed by little Tommy is our increasing level of hysteria. To sum up, boys act inappropriately repeatedly. Boys take more risks because they learn by doing so. Boys are physically further from us. Which leads us to shout more at boys. Wow. Spot on. In the second session, we learnt more about boys’ behaviour. Firstly, boys are reactors not creators. Girls on the other hand can create something from nothing. This really struck home as Matthew has a girl playmate just 6 days older who can entrance him by spinning a story entirely in her own words, as she cannot yet read, using the pictures in a book she has not seen before, and creating a credible storyline. Secondly, boys are just like dogs. They are simple creatures- feed me, walk me, take me to the toilet, love me. The third point is boys form habits quickly. None of these are negatives in their entirety but if we don’t try to understand them or parent in a way that is sympathetic, then we may be missing something. Like the point of boys being reactors. For me, this explains why video games are so popular with boys, especially the more action-packed ones since they require the player to respond to a given situation. A gun is pointed at the player, shoot first otherwise risk getting shot first. 26 Newsletter Winter
Raising children So what can we do to make things easier for us and for our boys? Well, there are the simple commonsensical suggestions like making sure our boys are getting enough rest, eating the right kinds of food and spending time with them. What is definitely harder is making sure we are consistent in our reactions and trying to couch our responses in positive terms. A good tip is to remember to make sure we mean what we say. Stern words with stern eyes will give you a better chance of a result. Stern words with laughing eyes will not get taken seriously. The other day Matthew farted at the dinner table and before we could admonish him, he said “pardon you”. There was no point telling him off when we were rocking with laughter, so we just applauded him for being polite. And most importantly, we parents mustn’t hold a grudge. Boys certainly don’t. They can move on very quickly. That’s why they’re able to say sorry, hug, and run off to play dinosaur while we are still seething with anger. Fast forward 30 years on - sorry, hug, football on telly. Our facilitator Helen then introduced us to some techniques that would help though she told us that we would have to discover for ourselves which worked best with our own son (NB: please feel free to apply to girls and *ahem* adult males). I found some of the tips difficult to put into action because it involved suppressing some very innate female tendencies such as shrieking at high pitch (their low tones and their habit of speaking slowly is apparently why men tend Continued overleaf... Newsletter Winter 27
Page 1: Newsletter Brixton, Dulwich and Str
Page 5 and 6: Welcome Letter from Victoria Welcom
Page 7 and 8: Welcome to the world... Lola Mary W
Page 9 and 10: Raising children TV and children: W
Page 11 and 12: Get Involved Raising children anoth
Page 13 and 14: Get Involved Raising children Our s
Page 15 and 16: Raising children I also have two ch
Page 17 and 18: Raising children Meet your three ye
Page 19 and 20: Raising children might also get to
Page 21 and 22: Your rights taken for up to 26 week
Page 23 and 24: Diary dates Story time: Newington l
Page 25: Breastfeeding Do you need help brea
Page 29 and 30: Your NCT needs you Can you fill the
Page 31 and 32: Meet the teams Elodie Nelson: enels

Autumn 2011 - Mandy Mazliah

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?