In Gear - Today's Trucking

Rear View
My friend Michel Patry is a Montreal-based owneroperator
working a night-time run on the 401 and he
says he found the following on the Internet and doesn’t
know who wrote it but he said we both know guys who might
have. Post it on the company fridge. At your own risk.
NEW OFFICE RULES
In an effort to promote better understanding between drivers
and office staff, the following procedures will be implemented in
the office immediately.
1.Effective now, every employee must remain in the office from
Sunday at 5:00 a.m until after 3:00 a.m. the following Saturday.
2. There will be a $10-per-night parking fee for employee vehicles
in the company lot. Your alternative is to park six towns away.
3. If for some reason an employee is not allowed to go home on
a weekend, we will make every effort to let him or
her go home the following weekend. Or not.
4. Each employee must bring all clothing and
personal necessities that they require on Sunday.
The company will provide storage space for personal
items but this space is subject to inspection
by company or government personnel.
5. Employees will be provided beds but must
provide their own bedding. The sleeping environment
will be very noisy and you will be interrupted.
And of course if you receive a satellite message
during that time you must answer it immediately
even if it’s only a message telling you about some
other company getting some stuff stolen from one
of their trucks.
6. Personal phone calls will be billed at a rate of
$0.32 per minute with a $0.50-per-call surcharge.
7.Each employee must maintain a record of how
he or she spent each minute of every day. These
records will be submitted daily to the company
and audited by company and or government personnel.
8. No matter how much work the employee has to do, it must
be done within the time allotted for it. And your logbook must
miraculously prove this. Any violations of these regulations will
result in a heavy fine, reprimand, or termination.
9. Employees will be subject to random drug and alcohol
testing and of course none of these substances will be allowed
while the employee is in the office.
10. You may also be required to wait several hours before
86 TODAY’S TRUCKING
By Peter Carter
FW: A Driver’s Dream
Internet advice on making your office
even more driver friendly.
starting work, for no apparent reason. During these periods, you
must remain in your workspace; you may not use the phone or
the restrooms and neither may you sleep or expect paid compensation
for same. Okay, okay once in a while we will throw you
$25 for your waiting time. But don’t abuse this generous gift or
we will stop this nonsense.
11. We appreciate constructive criticism and suggestions but
if we feel that your comments reflect badly on us you will be
construed as having a bad attitude.
12. You are expected to maintain a positive approach in all
situations and be cheerful, respectful and deferential in your
dealings with management, other employees, customers, and
the general public.
Finally, please don’t worry. Since you are office personnel, we
will never ask you to do any of the truly nasty stuff, such as deal
with crazy road-raging four-wheelers or negotiate with insolent
dock guys who don’t speak word one of English. You won’t be
responsible for midnight deliveries in downtown Manhattan or
any other awful big cities and we certainly won’t expect you to
drive through snowstorms or tornadoes. We have drivers to do
those things. ▲
Peter Carter is the editor of Today’s Trucking. You can reach him at
416/614-5828 or peter@todaystrucking.com.