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the beating stops. Will one stay when one is gone, can one
live without the other. Does it matter. It does. I have to
believe in something. It is holding me together.”
Side plots of love and friendship fill the pages, but the
question of how one stays sober after being so severely
addicted to drugs and alcohol is the central point of
interest. Frey is unwilling to surrender to a power greater
than himself. He is, however, quite willing to admit who
he is and what he’s done wrong. He continues to remind
himself, “I am an alcoholic and I am a drug addict and I
am a criminal.” His challenge is not in knowing his weakness
nor taking responsibility for those people he’s hurt in
the self-obsession of drug use. However, he is determined
to stay sober without believing in a higher power and says
his decision has “nothing to do with God or Twelve of
anything other than twelve beats of my heart. Yes or no. It
is a simple decision.”
That it could be a simple decision is the subject of
much controversy. Nearly 900 reviews posted on Amazon
since the book was published in 2003, many surrounding
the debate on whether or not someone can recover
without relying on a higher power. While it is generally accepted
that very few addicts can find permanent recovery
without the twelve step program, and while this book may
certainly upset those in the recovery community, there are
those who tell a different tale.
Recovery for Frey begins to take shape when his brother
gives him a copy of the ancient Taoist text, Tao Te Ching.
Though distrustful of religion or anything resembling
spirituality, he gives the book
a shot. In it he find wholeness and an awareness of the
existing perfection in the world. He writes, “This little
book feeds me. It feeds me food I didn’t know existed,
feeds me food I wanted to taste, and have never tasted
before, food that will nourish me and keep me full and
keep me alive. I read it and it feeds me. It lets me see what
my life is in simple terms, it simply is what it is, and I can
deal with my life on those terms. It is not complicated unless
I make it so. It is not difficult unless I allow it to be. A
second is not more than a second, a minute no more than
a minute, a day no more than a day. They pass. All things
and all time will pass. Don’t force or fear, don’t control or
lose control. Don’t fight and don’t stop fighting. Embrace
and endure. If you embrace, you will endure.”
Though Frey rejects the 12-step approach in lieu of
the Tao, spiritual seekers may question whether there’s a
conflict at all between the two teachings. Could it be that
the more one looks at these teachings in general terms, the
more one sees their unity—that they all present the common
ideals of acceptance, non-resistance, and surrender to
the flow of life Frey quotes from the Tao throughout the
book. “If you want to be whole, you must first be partial.
If you want to be straight, you must first be crooked. If
you want to be full, first become empty. If you want to be
reborn, you must first die.”
Apparently what he found worked for him. Frey is said
to still be sober 10 years later.
A Million Little Pieces succeeds in conveying the
powerful emotions of failure, fury and longing. It is about
self-destruction, the frailty of being human, and how
sometimes falling apart is just what we need to put our
lives back together. Though this may not be a good book
for someone newly sober as a result of working a 12-step
program, I recommend it to anyone looking for a powerful
story of human triumph.
If you would like to read more about or order this book click here:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0307276902/
centerpointer-20/103-3656485-3609455
12 MINDCHATTER December 2005