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“There’s nothing wrong with keeping fit and building muscle, as long as it’s done in a healthy, natural way. I would never recommend using chemical means (such as steroids) to achieve your body goals and I wouldn’t encourage anyone to use a gym if they hate it. It’s about enjoyment and staying fit and healthy. Find an activity you enjoy and go from there. If you want a model torso, then you need to put the work in and watch your diet. That said, I always advise my clients to strike a balance between enjoying life and training hard.” Sona Barbosa, the Counselling Team Leader at the GMI Partnership, explains the rationale behind why gay men often punish themselves about how they look. “A lot of gay men have assumptions and beliefs about gay culture from what they see in magazines and other media, which is often just a stereotype of what actually exists. Many people I speak to are fine with the way they look, they just worry more about how people think they look. There are those who think they need to look a certain way to be liked or loved and this can lead to them having sex with any man that shows an interest. This can be dangerous emotionally, as well as physically. The important thing is to encourage people to try and get out of the mindset of the ‘gay’ stereotype and start thinking more about how they feel about their own body.” Bears laid bare Perhaps the natural flipside to the gym obsessive is the bear community, which tends to shun a protein-fuelled existence for a less sculpted body shape. Brett identifies himself as a ‘chub’ and a ‘bear’ and is attracted to the same kind of man – which is essentially a man of a large, hairy build, for those not in the know. As with a lot of gay men, he did try to emulate the images that he saw in the media of what he was expected to look like, but it was only when he discovered that different ‘scenes’ existed that he came to terms with the way he “Having a ‘twink’ look means I attract a certain type of guy, which isn’t always what I’m attracted to. I don’t want to look like a young boy forever either!” “I aspired to look like the images of buff men, and although I could get slimmer and lay down a bit of muscle, it would take far more investment than I was prepared to make. I recognise that my body has always been made for comfort rather than speed and it has veered between ‘medium’ and ‘extra extra large’ over the years. I discovered bars and clubs where my size wasn’t greeted with distaste and it was positively welcomed. That isn’t to say there was ever open hostility but I felt I was viewed as the ‘funny fat fella’ rather than the object of lust.” We also asked Brett whether he thought that the ‘chub’ and ‘bear’ scene was encouraging the maintenance of an ‘unhealthy’ body type (in the eyes of health professionals). “Absolutely not. Being bigger isn’t essential but acceptance of yourself is a big thing. There is a hugely physical social side to the bear scene, from a hug of welcome to a ‘woof’ of attractiveness. There are ‘chasers’ who like very different physiques from themselves. For me, that can lead to a lot of self-doubt – what exactly does this 10-stone guy with abs of steel see in a balding 20-stoner? – which you don’t get when you’re more evenly matched. Just like anywhere, people tend to be attracted to those that are like themselves but I wouldn’t deliberately make myself fat just to fit in.” Monty Moncrieff, the Head of Services at gay and lesbian support network London Friend, who also identifies himself as a bear, relays his thoughts on bear culture: “In terms of body image, being a bear is not just about being big, as there are plenty of trimmer, leaner, muscled bears out there. If you are big though, I think it can be a confidence booster in a world where being slim is constantly presented as desirable but I think that people can find that in other areas too, or by having a group of supportive friends; it’s not just within the bear scene. The flip side of course is that it can make it easier to stay big, which may present a different set of health challenges, but everyone needs to make their own choices about their health. There’s nothing wrong with going to the gym regularly but when it’s driven by purely aesthetic reasons, rather than keeping fit, then you have to wonder what impact it’s having on somebody’s self-esteem if they feel they constantly have to work at it just to be accepted.” The inbetweeners What if you aren’t a super-toned muscle god or a hairy jolly bear? The majority of gay men don’t fall into these extremes and have average to slim frames. Are they suffering the same body image issues? Michael, 23, a fashion student from London has a small build and is of average height, yet seems to face the same afflictions as everyone else. “I guess I can be described as a ‘twink’. I’ve always looked younger than I am and been a bit skinny. I generally quite like the way I look in clothes but when I get naked I start to feel really uncomfortable about my appearance. I hate the way my ribs stick out and I have no arse, so I’m trying to put on weight at the moment. Most people think I don’t eat much but I’m always eating!” Michael also goes further to explain why he is trying to change his shape and bulk up. “It’s not that I hate the way I look at all. As I said, I think I look great in the right outfit. I just know that most guys tend to go for more muscled bodies and they’re the sort of men I go for. Having a ‘twink’ look means I attract a certain type of guy, which isn’t always what I’m attracted to. I don’t want to look like a young boy forever either! Putting on some weight or muscle might make me look a bit older.” And it all comes down to sex The sad fact is, the pressure to achieve a particular body type, whether that’s gym bunny or looked. t www.gmfa.org.uk |19
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