YSJ Anthology 2015

But the air did not return. I wrenched my eyes open as far as they
would go, still desperate to find a release, but I found myself
scratching at silk. Silk, wound round and round my throat and chest.
I could feel the dampness of blood soaking through the fabric as I
summoned the strength to throw myself from the bed. I was
surrounded by whispers in the darkness, indecipherable over my
heaving lungs. As the sounds echoed, I wondered if they’d ever
solidify again. The whispers slipped into another time. I stopped
fighting. I let the breath leave me and the stillness descend.
The journey back to Osaka didn't happen the next morning. Or the
one after that. I lay in the ward at Takeda for three weeks before I
regained consciousness. The hazy décor came into focus slowly as
the soft beeps of the machine inched closer. I could feel my chest
rising and falling, filling with air on demand. My fingers were resting
on crisp cotton. The sheets were smooth, and the bed was warm.
I heard a rustle and a chair scrape. Blinking hard I saw a man’s face
pull into a kind of soft focus and felt my body tense.
‘Machiko? Machiko – its me, Nagataka.’ I fixed my gaze, determined
to read his expression. Black hair and glasses lurched into view. Then
I saw his smile.
My brother visited most days and helped me find the money for the
hospital bills. He brought me flowers in orange hues, communicated
with my office and offered to let me stay in his apartment until I was
fully recovered. Though I was grateful for his company, I declined
and made my way home when the time came. He had a family of his
own now - a wife and two daughters. It didn’t seem right to set foot
in something that seemed so unpolluted.
We talked very little of the night in the hotel.
It wasn’t until much later that he told me of his visit to the shrine.
How the priest had burned the white obi my grandmother had left
me. How he called it ‘Jatai’. He stammered when he told me how the
delicate white silk and gold thread burned with a black flame. How it
had screamed so loudly my brother had thrown himself to the floor.
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