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28 CW360 o Trauma-Informed Child Welfare Practice • Winter 2013Repacking the Invisible SuitcaseChaney Stokes As told to Johanna Zabawa, Research AssistantPerspectives“I believe that every young person should havea voice and I am striving to be that personwho gives them the strength they need to beempowered.” –Chaney Stokes.Chaney Stokes is currently the AssistantProgram Coordinator for SAYSO (StrongAble Youth Speaking Out), a non-profitorganization in North Carolina. Stokes hasbeen involved with SAYSO since enteringinto foster care at age fifteen. Since hertransition from foster care, Stokes has becomea dedicated advocate for change withinthe foster care system as well as an ally andsupport to those children and youth who havebeen through foster care placements. Below,Stokes discusses the “Invisible Suitcase,” aconcept that describes the thoughts and beliefschildren with a history of trauma may carrywith them about themselves, their caregivers,and the world at large (NCTSN.org).Tell us a little about yourselfMy name is Chaney Stokes and I amcurrently the Assistant Program Coordinatorfor SAYSO. After entering into foster care,I spent the majority of my teenage years inand out of placement. Being in foster carewas very difficult for me at first becauseI still had a lot of unanswered questionsabout my past. I could not understand whypeople were telling me “it’s not your fault,”but I had to be removed from my home, myfamily, and my friends.Tell us a little about your workwith resource parents in the fostercare system.Over the last several years, I have workedclosely with resource parents through stateand national collaboratives. I have alsobeen involved in the Resource ParentingCurriculum training (developed by the ChildWelfare Committee of NCTSN), where I ama Family-Partner co-trainer. My role as a cotraineris to support the curriculum materialusing my personal life experiences. A FamilyPartner co-trainer adds an authentic dynamicto the curriculum.You’ve mentioned the “invisiblesuitcase;” can you tell us moreabout that?In the Resource Parenting Curriculum, thereis a module which gives information about an“invisible suitcase.” The “invisible suitcase”is explained as being something that a youngperson who has experienced trauma will carrywith them. Many young people in fostercare will carry physical suitcases with themas they move from one place to another. The“invisible” suitcase is different because youcan’t see it which makes it harder to identify.How does the “invisible suitcase”affect children in foster placement?Besides the fact that a young person in fostercare has experienced trauma and may havebeen hurt by someone they love, they will alsocarry thoughts about themselves that may benegative. For most young people in foster careit is not their choice or their fault that theyhave to be removed from their home, family,and friends. With unanswered questionsabout his/her life, it becomes very easy tothink negative thoughts about yourself.What are some of the most importantthings that caregivers should knowabout the “invisible suitcase”?The best thing caregivers can know about the“invisible suitcase” is that it can be repackedwith positive thoughts. When a young personenters into care, it is best to know that he/shemay have thoughts about adults, themselves,and others that are probably negative. Thebest way to repack those thoughts is by sayingand doing the opposite of what they alreadybelieve. If a young person feels that all adultslie, a caregiver can show that young personthat not all adults lie by always telling thatyoung person the truth.What happens if thesuitcase is never addressed?If the “invisible suitcase” is never repacked, ayoung person can have a hard time coping,building new relationships, or even stayingconnected to past relationships. He or she canalso go into adulthood with negative thoughtsand possibly prevent successful achievementin their lives.How did learning about andidentifying the contents of your own“invisible suitcase” help you?The “invisible suitcase” is something I knowall too well. My “invisible suitcase” was filledwith things like “No one cares about me”, “It’smy fault”, “I’m not pretty”, “All adults willThe “invisible suitcase” is explained as being something that a youngperson who has experienced trauma will carry with them.do things for their own benefit”, “I can’t beloved”, “I will never have a family.” I wasn’tsharing this information, so no one knew howI truly felt about myself. Eventually, severaladults entered my life who took the effortto repack my “invisible suitcase.” I was ableto see that I am loved, that being in fostercare was not my fault, and, despite not beingconnected to my biological family, that I ama part of many different families and theyall love me as one of their own. Having abrand new “invisible suitcase” has helped mebecome the person I am today.For more information on “The InvisibleSuitcase” visit the National Child TraumaticStress Network at www.NCTSN.org.Chaney Stokes is Assistant ProgramCoordinator for SAYSO (Strong AbleYouth Speaking Out), in North Carolina.She can be reached at chaneyporter85@yahoo.com.
A Birth Parent’s Perspective: What Happened?Pamela TooheyAs a Parent Partner, in San Diego, I providepeer-to-peer support to parents involved withthe child welfare system and its communitypartners. I recently attended a Team DecisionMaking (TDM) meeting as support forToni*, a 20 year old mom just released fromjail with two children under the age of three.Child Welfare scheduled the TDM to findsafe and suitable out-of-home care for Toni’schildren. Four days prior, their hotel roomwas raided by police. Toni and a 17-yearold friend were prostituting from the hotelroom with two minor children present. Alsostaying in the room was Toni’s current malepartner, the father of her seven month olddaughter and a known drug dealer. Policefound proof of prostitution along with drugsand paraphernalia. The adults were taken intocustody and so were the children.Present at the TDM, besides agencyprofessionals, were ten family membersincluding aunts, uncles, and grandparents.All of the family members claimed tobe clean and/or sober ranging from sixmonths to seventeen years. All but two ofthe family members had previous childwelfare involvement, and most had criminalbackgrounds as well. Now solid members oftheir community, their pasts may still preventthem being considered for placement of thechildren.This family’s story is just one of manythat I have heard. The families might lookdifferent with different cultures and socioeconomicalbackgrounds. Their presentconditions may or may not include: substanceabuse, domestic violence, mental health issues;neglect, endangerment, physical or sexualabuse of their children; and homelessness,but each and every adult I‘ve worked withreported an average of 4-5 adverse childhoodexperiences such as neglect, physical or sexualabuse, incarcerated or substance/alcoholabusing parents (acestudy.org). Many claimedtheir parents survived adverse childhoodexperiences as well.What if we asked the parents, those adultswho proclaim parental love of their childrenin spite of the situation they find themselvesCW360 o Trauma-Informed Child Welfare Practice • Winter 2013 29in, “What happened in your life as a child?”What if instead of viewing the adults asaddicts, criminals, co-dependents, mentallychallenged, and bad parents, we looked atthem as adult children who have survivedadverse childhood experiences and viewedtheir co-occurring conditions and maladaptivebehaviors as symptoms of having survivedthese experiences? What if we explored a newkind of genogram to determine how manyfamily members and ancestors displayedor presented the same life conditions orsituations as the parent? What would we find?In 1997, I was arrested and taken intocustody, and my three year old son was placedin foster care. I was charged with being underthe influence of methamphetamine, intentto sell, and child neglect and endangerment.I had a long history of substance abuse,domestic violence, and criminal activity. Mylife was in utter chaos, and my son was therewith me.I, too, was raised in a chaotic,dysfunctional home. My father was analcoholic, who served in the Army and spentWhat if instead of viewing the adults as addicts, criminals,co-dependents, mentally challenged, and bad parents, we looked atthem as adult children who have survived adverse childhood experiencesand viewed their co-occurring conditions and maladaptive behaviors assymptoms of having survived these experiences?most of his time away from home. He leftmy sister and me in the care of my mentallyill mother. Both sets of grandparents werealcoholics. I was molested as a child; sowere both of my parents and both maternaland paternal grandmothers. My paternalgrandmother, great-grandmother, and mymaternal grandmother became involvedin prostitution. So did I. My paternalgrandparents, maternal grandparents andgreat-grandparents were all involved in someform of criminal activity. So was I. They allabused and neglected their children. So did I.When would it stop?When I was arrested, there wereprofessionals concerned about my son’sphysical safety and development. Theyordered psychological testing for my son; noone asked about me. My son went to fostercare and had physical, developmental andmental health assessments and therapy. I wentthrough all of the court ordered services:substance abuse treatment, probation,parenting classes, and in-home supportservices. I changed my life. I regained custodyof my son. Yet no one thought to ask how Iwas doing or if I needed any help.In 2000, I received the trauma-focusedtherapy and help that I needed and so didmy son. I didn’t know to ask for it, so Ididn’t go looking for it; it found me. Myson was molested by a neighborhood youthwho had been in our home many times. Ididn’t know the red flags or recognize thesigns of possible danger because no one hadintervened, assessed, or educated me on myown molestation. If I had, this could havebeen prevented.I believe that adverse childhoodexperiences and the maladaptive behaviorswe develop in order to survive areintergenerational. I have learned to take arisk, to reach out and help educate the familymembers I work with, to understand theeffects of trauma. I ask, “What happened toyou as a child?” I refer them to appropriateand immediate mental health and communityservices and offer my support for as long asit’s needed.It’s your turn to ask—not “What’s wrongwith you?” but “What happened to you?”*Name changed to protect privacy.Pamela Toohey is the Founder/CEO ofthe Birth Parent Association. She can bereached at www.birthparentassocation.com.Perspectives
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