Vol 9-01-July 1 - Katanning Rotary Club

The Spoke Vol 9 - No. 01 - 01 July, 2013A Golfing LifeDavid is 90 years old. He's playedgolf every day since his retirement25 years ago.One day he arrives home lookingdowncast."That's it," he tells his wife."I'm giving up golf. My eyesighthas got so bad. Once I've hit theball, I can't see where it went."His wife sympathises.As they sit down, she has asuggestion: "Why don't you takemy brother with you, and give itone more try.""That's no good," sighs David."Your brother is a hundred andthree. He can't help.""He may be a hundred and three,"says the wife, "but his eyesight isperfect."So the next day, David heads off tothe golf course with his brother-inlaw.He tees up, takes an almightyswing, and squints down the fairway.He turns to the brother-in-law."Did you see the ball?""Of course I did!", says thebrother-in-law. "I have perfecteyesight.""Where did it go?" asks David."Can't remember."With time, women gain weightbecause we accumulate so muchinformation andwisdom in our headsthat when there is nomore room, itdistributes out to therest of our bodies.So we aren't heavy,we are enormouslycultured, educatedand happy.Beginning today, when I look at mybackside in the mirror I will think,Good grief, look how smart I am!Must be where 'Smart Arse' camefrom!A Romantic Wife/HusbandText ExchangeA wife, being the romantic sort, sent herhusband a text: “If you are sleeping, sendme your dreams. If you are laughing, sendme your smile. If you are eating, send mea bite. If you are drinking send me a sip. Ifyou are crying, send me your tears. I loveyou!The husband replied,“I am sitting on the toilet.Please advise."Never laugh at yourgirlfriend's choices.You are one of them.BalanceGod was missing for six days.Eventually, Michael, the archangel,found him, resting on the seventh.He inquired, “Where have you been?"God smiled deeply and proudlypointed downwards through theclouds, "Look, Michael. Look whatI've made."Archangel Michael looked puzzled,and said, "What is it?""It's a planet,” replied God, and I'veput life on it. I'm going to call it Earthand it's going to be a place to test'Balance.'""Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm stillconfused."God explained, pointing to differentparts of Earth."For example, northern Europe will bea place of great opportunity andwealth, while southern Europe is goingto be poor. Over here I've placed acontinent of white people, and overthere is a continent of black people.Balance in all things..."God continued pointing to differentcountries. "This one will be extremelyhot, while this one will be very coldand covered in ice."The Archangel, impressed by God'swork, then pointed to a land area andsaid, "What's that one?""That's Western Australia, the mostglorious place on earth. There arebeautiful trees and gardens, a beautifulriver, and days filled with sunshine.The people from the West are going tobe handsome, modest, intelligent, andhumorous, and they are going to travelthe world.They will be extremely sociable, hardworking,high achieving, carriers ofpeace, and producers of good things."Michael gasped in wonder and admiration,but then asked, "But what aboutbalance, God? You said there wouldbe 'balance.'"God smiled, "I will create CanberraWait till you see the idiots I'll putthere."...Page 15