Biffy in a Jiffy - The Fun Pape!

MountainHarvestFarmPROUDLY OFFERINGORGANIC CHARCUTERIEKMG CertifiedMSG, Gluten, Dairy & Soy FreeNo Binders or Fillers100% Berkshire Sausages,Smokies & Deli Meats!AVAILABLE NOW:Pepperoni ● Honey Garlic PepperoniHot Hungarian ● Kolbassa ● FarmerEuropean Farmer ● Garlic RingAVAILABLE THIS SUMMER:Bavarian Smokies ● Honey Garlic SmokiesJalapeno Smokies ● Swiss Emmental SmokiesBratwurst ● European Weiners ● Back BaconBeer Sausage ● Ham Sausagewww.mountainharvestfarm.com250-428-0390OPEN FOR SEASONWithLotsofNewTREASURES!...and we’reeven openSundays!2716 Hwy 3 Erickson –Next to old Fas GasRiding Season is Here!Book your spring service andsafety check now.Street Bike -Dirt Bike -ATVService-Maintenance-RepairTire Changing & BalancingCall Jason Lohrer 250-254-0738Certified Motorcycle MechanicJason@FullThrottleBikeService.comwww.FullThrottleBikeService.comPage 10You Know You’re a Redneck When:1. You took a fishing pole to SeaWorld.2. You go to the stock car races anddon’t need a program.3. You know how many bales of hayyour car will hold.4. You have a rag for a gas cap.5. You think fast food is hitting a deerat 100kph.6. You missed 5th grade graduationbecause you had jury duty.7. Your house doesn’t have curtainsbut your truck does.8. You wonder how service stationskeep their restrooms so clean.9. A tornado hits your neighborhoodand does $100,000 worth of improvements.10. You’ve used a toilet brush as aback scratcher.11. You consider your license platepersonalized because your brothermade it.12. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworksstand.13. You sit on your roof at Christmastime hoping to fill your deer quota.14. Your richest relative buys a newhouse and calls you up to help himtake the wheels off.15. You have a complete set of saladbowls and they all say “Cool Whip”on the side.16. Your working TV sits on top of yournon-working TV.—————————————————-A journey of a thousand miles beginswith a cash advance.—————————————————-It’s not who you know, it’s whom youknow.FIREWOOD Cut, Split, DeliveredLarch $220cord Larch/Fir $180cordMixed $170 cord Pine $160 cordCall Annie 1-250-464-9811Need a...LIFTPMJ Ventures Ltd.or a…HAULGive PETE a CALL250-428-5434Double Puzzle AnswersNeed HelpDeveloping a Web Site?Call Carolyn 250-428-2919Email: marcarekk@gmail.comAL SIMMONS Juno award winningcomedian brings his one man show toCreston on May 17 for the Blossom FestStage Show! If he’s guilty of anything it istickling your funny bone!High Speed InternetWynndel ● Sirdar ● KuskanookWest Creston ● Creston Flats♦♦♦♦Show Time 7pmDoors Open 6:30pmPCSS AuditoriumTickets $20Same as last year!Tickets available at Chamber of Commerceand Black Bear BooksLakeview ● ListerWe Supply the EquipmentFree Site AssessmentsSeveral Usage Packages AvailableBest Rates in the Valley250-402-8775 or 250-402-8772Wynndel Internet SocietyServing the valley since 2005

Last year, when the lawn mower wasbroken and wouldn’t run, I kept hintingto my husband that he ought to get itfixed, but somehow the message neversunk in. Finally, I thought of a cleverway to make the point.When my husband arrived home thatday, he found me seated in the tallgrass, busily snipping away with a tinypair of sewing scissors. He watchedsilently for a short time, and then wentinto the house.He was gone only a few moments, andwhen he came out again he handedme a toothbrush. “When you finish cuttingthe grass,” he said, “you might aswell sweep the sidewalks.”He will be just fine when they take thecasts off.Page 1174 year old Fred tripped on the stairsand broke his leg. The doctor put acast on it and warned that he wasn’t touse the stairs until the cast came off.A month later the doctor removed thecast and pronounced Fred well on hisway to recovery. “Oh good,” Fred responded.“Is it all right for me to walkthe stairs now?” “Yes,” said the doctor,“if you will promise to be careful.” “Ican’t tell you what a relief it will be,”Fred sighed. “It was such a nuisancecrawling outside and shinnying up anddown the drainpipe all the time.”—————————————————-Take everything in moderation.Including moderation.—————————————————-Double Puzzle-Unscramble each word. Then use the marked letters to solvethe second puzzle. Answer on pg. 10Chimney Sweep“Let us clean the mess soyou don’t have to!”Call TWS at 250-866-5246INSURED AND W.E.T.T. CERTIFIEDAmazing Goddess LingerieEmpowering WomenSmall-6xlPrivate ConsultationsHome PartiesVictoria PenfoldSales Consultant1-250-421-9405Serving Cranbrook& Creston ValleyNow AcceptingVISA & MCVictoriaGoddess84@gmail.comBeadazzledLAPIDARY SUPPLIES, PROSPECTING& GOLD MINING EQUIPMENTAUTHORIZED DEALER:Fisher Metal DetectorsGarrett Metal DetectorsKeene Mining EquipmentDesert Fox Mining EquipmentEstwing Prospector HammersLortone Lapidary EquipmentDiamond PacificGraves Lapidary EquipmentInlandCovington EquipmentCab KingFirewood-Dry, Cut & SplitMountain Park Resort4020 Hwy 3 250-428-2954Sawdust & KindlingWe Build QualityHandcrafted Cabinets& FurnitureCall 250-428-3434——————————Also installBlow-in Attic InsulationGarth RosvoldPh 428-7232 Cell 428-1601JackhammerAugerBackhoeGrappleDump TruckD & J WaldnerCONSTRUCTIONDale 250-402402-8808Journeyman Carpenterwww.djwaldnerconstruction.caNew Construction ● RenovationsBobcat ServiceWe buy and sell used lapidaryequipment and collectionswww.beadazzled.ca1217 Canyon Street250-428-4020fixWecomputersEDALCOMPUTER CENTRE215-33 Ave. S. (Hwy 3) Erickson250-428-4419

TreasuresUpholsteryShoppeServing the Kootenayswith quality workmanship.For more about us please visit our websitewww.upholsterytreasures.comemail: treasuresupholstery@shaw.caor call us at 250-428-55931405 Alder Street, CrestonSpring has started…but does your mower?RON PELTZERCertified Stihl & Small Engine MechanicYou won’t getwrenched at Ron’s1238 NW Blvd 250.428.1721Free front end & brake inspections!ERICKSON GARAGE3408 Hwy 3 EricksonKerry Clark– Lic. Mechanic30 yrs ExperienceDesignated Inspection FacilityWeekend appointments available!Mon-Fri 8:30-4:30 250-254-1791Wheel Alignments ● BrakesFront End ● General RepairsPage 12MISCELLANEOUSFor Sale: Red oak lumber 2x10 12ft planks,dressed, 6 pcs, $48 each. 250-866-5273. 19For Sale: 2 female (1 alpha), 1 big calm male RedHeeler x pups left for farms/acreages. Great withchildren, livestock and bush. Asking a donation.402-9934. 19For Sale: Troy-Bilt rototiller, 7hp, completelyrebuilt, new tires, asking $700. 250-866-5273. 19For Sale: 18in pushmower $50. 8ft telepole $15.1/2hp industrial electric motor $50. Stock watererw/heater $75. 1in centrifugal pump 1/3hp $15.Two electric fencers $75 & $60. Two brooderlamps $8 ea. 5hp chipper/shredder $150.250-428-5106. 19For Sale: .22 caliber Ruger handgun $300. Fireflight70lb compound bow with arrows andquiver $300. 428-3342. 19For Sale: Pair black leather men’s chaps-neverworn, $50. 250-428-0477 call 9-4 weekdays onlyFor Sale: Romanian Universal 65hp caterpillarwith blade and ripper, $3500 obo. 12,000btu airconditioner, used 3 seasons, $350 obo.250-428-4221. 21For Sale: Black ASKO dishwasher, works great,$150. 250-402-6785. 19For Lease: 100 Lapin cherry trees for lease,Canyon area. Water supplied, fenced. $500/year.428-9622. 21For Sale: Yard tractor-ride-on, 12hp, hydrostaticdrive, good tires, no mower deck, $100.250-428-0700. 19For Sale: Drum set/ all accessories $375.428-0438. 21For Sale: Two swivel recliners (matching), lighttan, $175 each. 250-428-0700. 19For Sale: 9ft Zodiac style boat. Capacity 2½adults. Strong material– with oars, and pump.New. $300. 250-428-9145. 19For Sale: Dehumidifier-no longer needed, $100.250-428-0700. 19For Sale: Eamore saddle, excellent condition,$1200. 250-428-0050. 19For Sale: Older 22 cu ft chest freezer $100.428-4028. 19For Sale: Tired of fighting with your old gasmower—Sears 12V available for $200 obo.250-428-4619. 19For Sale: Two buffing machines, 14in $75, 20in$300. 250-428-1919. 19For Sale: Ladies motorcycle jacket, black, size 14-16, like new cond, $275. 428-0446. 19For Sale: Flax bales, excellent mulch, $4 each.250-402-3903. 19For Sale: Free range eggs, $3.50 doz or 3 doz for$10. Call Judy 428-8830. 19For Sale: Panasonic household massage loungerchair, 2011-like new. Price $2600.250-428-9339. 19Valley View Baptist Church“Where the View is Eternal” Jude 21SUNDAYBible Classes…………..…...9:45amMorning Worship………..…11amEvening Service…………..….…7pmWEDNESDAYBible Study & Prayer…….....7pmPastor Jeff Friesen234 36 Avenue N. 428-4861Rita M. PatstoneCertified General AcctMISCELLANEOUSFor Sale: Miller wire feed welder, model 172,$800. 428-2577. 23For Sale: Two white enamel cast iron sinks, onesingle, one double. Antique spoked 16in wheelsw/stub axles. Walk behind gas powered plow.5yr old tame black sow pig. Pull behind gardenplow for small tractor. Misc garden ornaments.428-5676. 19For Sale: 1 dairy buck goat for breeding $100. 2bucks for clearing brush, meat, $50 ea. 402-9934.For Sale: 46 - 24in x 30in x 1½in precast sidewalk/patioslabs, $250 obo. 250-428-5692. 19For Sale: Ready-to-Lay hens, $10 each.250-402-3600. 19For Sale: Box or coil 1¼in x .120 roofing nails,$25. 428-2577. 25For Sale: Maytag washer (7 yrs old) & Kenmoredryer (2 yrs old), $300 pr. 428-5377. 19For Sale: two Singer treadle machines $500. 13ftglass cedar canoe $400. 428-6741. 19For Sale: Tuxedo, med size (5ft8in-5ft-9in),shoes, shirt, tie, asking $100. 428-0445. 19For Sale: Kenmore HD clothes dryer, excellentcond, $50. Two 185/70/14 and two 195/70/14summer tires, used one season, $30 ea. CallNorm 250-428-5989. 19For Sale: Two mens, one ladies multi speedbikes. Large set older mens golf clubs, bag & cart.428-4797. 19For Sale: Three 5 gal pails of BEHR paint, lightgrey, never opened, 1/2 price, $60 ea. Five 1 galpails of dark grey BEHR paint, never opened,1/2 price, $15 ea. 250-431-8241. 19For Sale: 1.5 cords of 18in seasoned cherry firewood,$300. 428-0369. 19For Sale: Fix that sore back-massage chair, likenew $250. 250-428-0700. 19For Sale: 60in Leclerc jack loom, 8 harnesses,3 reeds, bench plus numerous accessories.250-428-2462. 21For Sale: 45/70 H&R with peepsight. This 6lbrifle with a 20in barrel is an awesome performerin one shot kills, and bullet groupings up to andover 100 yds. $385. As new. 250-428-9145. 19For Sale: Garden seeder, 2 wheel pusher, lots ofdifferent discs for different seeds. New at $179-yours for $79. 250-428-0700. 19For Sale: Peavey XR684 PA system, 200w X2,like new $375. Two speaker stands $80. Germanmade stand up Stradiuarius 3/4 bass fiddle &cover $375. Genz Benz A30 acoustic amp $250.Call Fun Pape @428-2828 for phone numberFor Sale: Brother quilting machine, model 1500S,long arm, minimal use, $600 obo. 428-0446. 19For Sale: Cow manure, well rotted. We’ll loadyour truck. Delivery available. 250-428-7472. 23Next Deadline: Friday, May 3, 4pmOne Loonie + One Toonieequalsthe best value around for yourclassified advertising dollar!Ph: 250-428-2662Cell: 250-254-2646email: ritap_cga@hotmail.caPersonal TaxesCorporate TaxesBusiness ConsultingBookkeeping———————–Your homeor office ormy office inWest Creston

Three CourseMother’s Day Lunch$19.95 428-8882Real Food CafeSunday, May 12, 12-3pmLimited Seating Reservations Only———————————————-Smoked Salmon CocktailorCreamy Mushroom Herb Soup——————————————Grilled wild cod served over acouscous chia pilaf with a herbsunflower seed pesto, andseasonal vegetableorBreaded chix breast served withpotato roasties and seasonalvegetable with a lemon tarragonsauce——————————————-Chocolate cappuccinocheesecakeorStrawberry SundaePage 13GIVEAWAYGiveaway: Free concrete staircase- 4 steps,must haul away. 250-428-0119 after 4pm.YARD SALES/GARAGE SALESCommunity Yard Sale: Yahk/KingsgateHall, Sat Apr 27, 9am-4pm. Concession.Duck pond for the children. Come buy orsell. To book a spot, or for info phoneSandy 250-424-5468 orTheresa 250-424-5118. 19Big Yard Sale: Saturday May 4th, 9am.Relocating, everything must go. Tools includingMakita 10in dual angle slidingchop saw, 10in table saw, 10in drill press(new in box), band saw, 1900psi powerwasher, 3 gallon 120psi air compressorwith air tools, many hand tools, snowmobile/ATVramp, furniture including dresserwith flip down desk, baker’s rack, largecorner computer desk with hutch, gas barbeque,household and gardening items.2308 Crawford Street, under cover. Rain orshine. 19Deadlines-every second FridayFun Pape Hours: Tue-Fri 9-4Thanks for Making The Fun PapeCreston’s Most Read Free PaperDid you know 4250 Fun Pape’sget distributed every two weeks?RE-roofingNew ConstructionRepairsWCB Coverage ● Liability Insurance10 Year Workmanship WarrantyNOW EXPANDINGInterior/Exterior PaintingSidingRenovationsDecksCall for your FREE Estimate250-435-0027crestontopqualityroofing@live.caNOW ACCEPTING VISA & MCGood Times DJ & KaraokeHigh Energy DJ! ♫ Huge Music LibraryCreator of “Creston’s Best Singer” ContestVern Gorham-Owner/DJ 250-428-0305verngorham@telus.net www.goodtimesdjandkaraoke.caCRYPTOGRAM Figure out the phrase.(Quote by C.S. Lewis)Answers to: Amy’s Spot the 15 ChangesBarn window on side. Hole in grain silo moved.Pig’s tail larger. Man’s mouth. Pitch fork. Hilladded. Spot on cow missing. Tree beside barnlarger. Nail hole missing in fence. Man’s suspendersdarkened. Leaf on flower added. Bush in frontmissing. Sheep's ears. Sun added. Pocket added.Affordable Accounting SolutionsIt’s Tax Time again.Make sure you drop in at ournew location 137-10th Ave. N.Ph 250-402-6277 Fax 250-428-2067denne@denneahlefeldcga.caT26Local&LongDistanceMovingHouse&YardMaintenanceAlsoAvailableLast Issue Answer: A dream is just a dream.A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline.Res: 866-5760Ph: 428-6701Licensed Automotive TechnicianTicketed Tire Technicians ● Locally OwnedService Truck ● Farm Service ● Calcium FillMost Major Brands Available250-428-2000 918 Pine StTurn East at the Grain ElevatorsCall Jerry HellensPh 428-3062Cell 428-1695“TOPPED, DROPPED OR LOPPED”Tree Topping ● LimbingDangerous Tree RemovalFallingMobile Chipping AvailableFree Estimates ● Fully Insured

3/4 Crush GravelBedding SandTop SoilCompetitive Prices!428-1834 or 428-1729for more info go to: www.softubcanada.comRay’s Garbage Pick-upServing theValley over30 years!Residential Curbside Pick-up3-40yd ContainersNEW- 12yd Hook Lift BinsFor All Your Garbage NeedsCall Anytime250-428-9887VEHICLES and Related GoodsFor Sale: 1977 20ft Travel Aire trailer $1500.2006 Yamaha Kodiak 500 ATV $4000.428-3342. 19For Sale: 1998 Dodge Dakota ext cab 4x4,316xxx km, 5.2L V8. Great oversized tires with90% tread left. Runs and drives well, $2000.250-402-6334 or 250-402-3141. 21For Sale: 12ft Lund aluminum boat, Honda 75 4-stroke & electric trolling motor, oars & life jackets,$2400. 250-428-2762. 19For Sale: National Ovation M&S tires on rims,P195/75R14 92T from 95 Oldsmobile.250-866-5760. 19For Sale: Student Special! 1994 Ford Escortwagon, 4 cyl, auto, A1 shape, brand new stereo,low kms. $1100. 254-0094 after 6pm. Can beseen at Skyway Auto Service. 19For Sale: Two 40 foot long semi-trailers. Onewith a reefer unit. Not for highway use. $5000each obo. Call 250-428-6568. 19For Sale: 29ft 1978 Class A motorhome. Runsgood. A/C, heat, fridge, stove, generator. Insideredone; new floor, paint, lights, CD/XM radio,etc. $5500. 428-9759. 21For Sale: Sleeper for standard pickup-best offer.Boat windshield-best offer. 30ft sandpoint $200.428-0301. 21For Sale: 2006 GMC 2500HD crewcab diesel4x4, good cond. Engine and trans on syntheticoil, LED taillights, remote start. 402-6781 or cell402-9188. 19For Sale: 2009 Suzuki DR650, Dual Sport,9800km, heated grips, Suzuki shop manual.Clean, maintained, newer tires. $4500.250-428-7315. 19For Sale: 1993 Corsair 5th wheel, 23.6 ft. Goodcondition, $4900 obo. Phone Ed 250-428-0833. 19For Sale: 1940’s Massey TEA-20 tractor $2000.Older Massey square baler with motor $1300.5-wheel hay rake $750. All obo. In Creston.1-604-259-0111. 19For Sale: 2008 AEROLITE 27ft travel trailer.True ultralite @ 4274lb, 1/2 ton towable. Qualitybuilt w/slide-out. Torsion axle suspension. Excellentcondition, $16,900. Call 250-428-5884(Creston) to view. 19Amy’s Spot the 15 ChangesAnswers on previous pageVEHICLES and Related GoodsFor Sale: 1999 Olds Alero, 130,000km, 4 door,V6, mint condition, $3900. 1996 Dodge servicevan, 2500 series, 3.9 motor, mint shape, $4500.1993 Chevy 4x4 3/4 ton truck with camper, nicecondition, $4500 obo. 250-866-5311. 19For Sale:1984 Mercedes 300D Turbo, $3800.I’m letting my baby go. One of the best cars evermade. Runs better on used veg oil than diesel.Turbo, brakes good, tranny excellent-recentlyrebuilt automatic, tires great shape, c/w studdedwinters on rims as well. Needs a couple of electricalrepairs. Comes with my oil processing equipment.Tons more to tell about what's been done.Phone me- Paul 250-866-5247. 21For Sale: 2009 Yamaha Majesty 400cc scooter,$3500. No damage. 250-428-2399. 19For Sale: 2001 GMC 1500 gas, $7000, phone forparticulars, excellent cond, many new parts andextras. 21.5ft aluminum fishing boat, 6 hrs onnew motor, inboard, has kicker and EZ Loadtrailer, many extras, $26,000, or combined$32,000. Bob at 250-428-0743. Hwy 21 N. 19For Sale or Trade: 1982 Camaro , V6, auto, newsuspension, cap, rotor, wires, e-brake cables,starter, fuel pump, tires like new, recent brakes,Panasonic stereo, new paint last year, good mileage,T-top. Asking $2500. 250-428-7468. 19For Sale: Tow pkg with drop hitch, like new,428-9772. 19For Sale: 1994 27.5ft Rustler 5th wheel camper,$7500. 250-428-2121. 19For Sale: 1988 21ft 5th wheel in good condition,$4000 obo. 428-0301. 21For Sale: 1999 KX 65 CC, new top end, $800obo. 250-402-9570. 19For Sale: Two 2012 Bluebird school buses. Mintcond, low kms, 65 passenger. Looking to transferlease agreement. 250-421-7340. 19For Sale: 205/70R15 tires on Subaru 5 hole rims.50% tread left, $100 for all 4. 250-866-5460. 19For Sale: 1995 17ft Nomad travel trailer, 3 pcebathroom, sleeps 4, 3 burner stove, fridge, awning,$4500. 250-428-0204. 19For Sale: 2003 Chevy Tahoe 4x4, 224,000km,good condition, asking $9500. 402-6781 or cell402-9188. 19For Sale: 1983 Chev 2wdr pickup $1500 obo.1986 Chevette $1000 obo. 1986 Nissan truck$600. 1976 GMC motorhome, runs, $1000 obo.Two adult 3-wheeled bicycles, $300 ea. 1956Chev 2 ton $500. 1981 Malibu $300. 1980 Chevtruck, 400 motor, $300. 428-7003. 21For Sale: 2008 Tango 26ft camper trailer, sleeps6, excellent shape, $20,000. 428-0446. 19For Sale: 2004 Terry 29½ft 5th wheel w/slide, airconditioning, 8 cu ft fridge, microwave, stoveoven. Back bedroom with bunks, queen size bedin master bedroom with bathroom-tub/shower.Pull-out couch. Can sleep up to 8 people. Plentyof cupboard space. In good shape! Asking$18,000. 402-3583. 19For Sale: 2002 31ft Gulfstream 5th wheel, 12ftslide, walk-around bed, lots of cupboards andunder storage, oak trim inside. Very clean,$16,500. 250-402-6344. 19For Sale: 1990 Kustom Koach 19½ft 5th wheel.Very good condition, $2500. 250-866-5221. 19Wanted: Summer tires and wheels for 2003Toyota Echo. 428-2828. 23A-1 ROOFINGAsphalt & Metal RoofingLocal ReferencesAvailableFree EstimatesCall Dean428-5123Cell 402-9432