Conflict Resolution and Mediation 101 - Westminster College

Conflict Resolution through MediationBy Michael Sledge, University Residences Judicial Officer, Western Washington UniversityMediation is an often-used approach by Resident Advisors, especially in resolving roommateconflicts. It can be a satisfying and fulfilling way to reach resolution on some very stickymatters. It can help the individuals involved become better communicators and be more preparedto handle conflict in the future. It can also help restore a healthy community.Technically, mediation is defined as a process in which individuals seek to talk through theirdifferences with the help of a neutral third party and reach a mutually-agreed upon resolution.Mediation can be superior to other conflict resolution methods because the individuals, ordisputants, create their own solutions and consequently have more investment in the resolution.A true mediation allows each side to share their perspective, listen to the other perspective,engage in dialogue, respect the rights and thoughts of others, and brainstorm possible solutionsbefore arriving at a resolution. Mediation is a healthy way to share concerns and helps peoplelearn how to resolve conflict in a positive manner.Having a deeper understanding of mediation as a process can increase the chances that everyonewill be pleased with the resolution. If you’re not properly prepared, you can do more damagethan you think. The others involved may not only be dissatisfied with the process, but they maynot seek outside help with disputes in the future. The more often you mediate, the better you’llbe as a mediator. Remember about the importance of training, and if you are unsure of yourskills in this area, ask your supervisor for support, assistance, and training.The following information should help you in your role as mediator:Set ground rulesAnd once you set them, make sure that everyone sticks to them. Common ground rules includenot interrupting, not engaging in name-calling, listening well, being courteous, and maintainingprivacy at the conclusion of the mediation session. As the mediator, it is your job to call peopleon their behavior when they break a rule. And you must do so in a non-judgmental manner soyou can continue to be perceived as neutral and not taking one side over the other.Trust the mediation processMediation as a process can be extraordinarily helpful, but it must be adhered to and trusted inorder to work properly. Your role is, in part, to be a good role model and to help move thedisputants along from one part of the process to the next, continually moving toward aresolution. While doing so, you should be engaging in reflective listening, and restating andreframing concerns and issues that arise. It is your job to moderate the language used. Forexample, if a disputant says “She never turns her alarm clock off; that’s disrespectful to me,” youcould restate that by saying “So what you’re saying is you are concerned because her alarm clockrings, and you don’t feel respected because of that.”

Consider….Room Contracts! A great resource and tool is a roommate contract, a documentoutlining all the rules and expectations that the roommates agree to uphold within the room. Itcan be used as a proactive tool that all roommates complete during the first week of school or itcan be utilized during a mediation as a guideline to discussing issues. A roommate agreementcan be found on the resource page online.Also give your residents The Good Roommate Guide. Effective communication among theroommates is the key to resolving any type of conflict, particularly roommate issues.Understand the limits of mediationMediation can be most helpful in many roommate or community disputes. There are, however, anumber of circumstances in which mediation is not the proper solution. In instances whereviolence has occurred, or may occur, mediation is inappropriate because either the threateningatmosphere places one of the disputants at a disadvantage, or a disputant enters the mediationwith motives that are incompatible with the process. For the same reasons, sexual assault, datingviolence or stalking are also poor choices for mediation. Lastly, disputes that involve individualswith a wide disparity in power (e.g. dean of a department and a student) can be problematic andare not advisable.Be neutralSome professional mediators would say that a true mediator shouldn’t know any of the partiesinvolved in a mediation session. Others would say that as long as you can be neutral, and areperceived to be neutral, you can operate as a mediator. It helps to note any relationship that youhave with the parties involved. For example, it’s all right to say “Even though Joe was myresident last year and I’ve known him longer, I believe I can be a neutral mediator in thisprocess. Are you both okay with that?” Of course the best course of action would be to haveanother RA mediate a dispute between your residents. You could return the favor when otherRA’s have disputes within their community. This insures neutrality, both in real and perceivedterms.Take appropriate timeYour residents have 45 minutes between classes and they want you to do the mediation in thattime? Look for another opportunity to meet with them. One of the biggest mistakes in mediationis not allowing enough time for the process to take place. All parties (including you) need tohave two hours, at minimum, to get things going. And everyone should understand that you maynot get finished in that time; you may need to schedule another time (or times) to keep theprocess going. Time is a limited resource, especially for college students, but it is one of the keyingredients for a successful mediation.Be patientWhile it may seem that all the issues are on the table, there may be more lurking unseen to youreye. If either or both disputants seem hesitant or can’t seem to move forward, there may be more

going on than you are aware of. If you try to move along too quickly, issues that need attentioncan be left out and consequently come back to haunt you, and the disputants, later. Make certainthrough restating and reframing concerns and issues that everything is out in the open beforemoving on. And remember that just because you feel like you’re ready for the next step doesn’tmean it’s time to take that step. Everyone involved must be ready to do so or mediation doesn’twork.Do not offer solutionsMany people attracted to the RA position are natural helpers, and many RA’s reflexively offerideas, suggestions or solutions in everyday life. But offering solutions to problems is not part ofthe mediation process. Technically speaking, if the neutral party comes up with the solution,that’s called arbitration. Another key ingredient in mediation is to make certain the partiesinvolved are arriving at their own decisions and solutions. You can ask them prompt questions toget this part of the process moving (e.g. “Are there any other ideas that you have about solvingthis issue?”), but be sure not to lead, or mislead them. As a staff person, you will be a trustedindividual and the participants might agree with your suggested solution – which might work foryou, but you are not one of the individuals who will be living with the outcome.Get the agreement in writingOnce the disputants have arrived at a resolution, it is imperative to get the agreement in writing.But before that, be certain that all the bases are covered regarding details and feasibility. Playdevil’s advocate and attempt to find problems in the resolution. Ask if everything seems realistic.Ask what will happen if an agreed-upon term is not met, or an obligation goes unfulfilled. Onceall of the details have been settled, write down the agreement. Make certain that each disputanthas things to do in the agreement; it sends a bad message if three-quarters of the items have onedisputant’s name at the beginning (e.g. “Joe agrees to...”). Each disputant should have a copy totake with them and refer to as necessary.Follow-up, Follow-up, Follow-up!It is a good idea to check back with the disputants in a week or so to ensure that the mediatedsolution is being followed and working. If they have moved away from the agreed upon courseof action, you may need to help the disputants to recommit to their initial agreement, or you mayuse the current situation to do a secondary mediation and which will allow them to outlineadditional solutions.