It's All Relative - COBYS Family Services

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Mission StatementMotivated by Christian faith, COBYSFamily Services educates, supports,and empowers children and adultsto reach their full potential.Board of DirectorsDavid Stauffer, PresidentTom Bastian, Vice-PresidentBonnie Wampler, SecretaryPamela Bedell Arthur KreiderWhit Buckwalter John WiseCindy Bradley Martin WitmanWendy Egolf Harry YeagerAdministrative StaffPhilip E. Hershey, AdministratorMark Cunningham, AssociateAdministratorMary Sourber, Director of Foster Care& AdoptionJanae Sauder, Adoption SupervisorKirsten Freitag Murray, Family LifeEducation SupervisorSharon Kingsley, Foster CareSupervisorAnne Redcay, Group HomeSupervisorLaura Demastus, Permanency UnitSupervisorDonald Fitzkee, Development &Interpretation CoordinatorFostering Hope is the quarterlynewsletter of COBYS Family Services,a Christian family service agency,affiliated with the Atlantic NortheastDistrict of the Church of the Brethren.Editor/Designer: Donald R. FitzkeeCOBYS Family Services1417 Oregon RoadLeola, PA 17540Phone: 717-656-6580Fax: 717-656-3056www.cobys.orgBuilding BridgesThe bridge on Oregon Road, located next to the COBYS main office,was under construction for much of the past year. Since I have had anexcellent view of the work from my office window, I now know muchmore about bridge building than I did before.As I watched the work in progress, three things stood out thatseemed to relate to our ministry at COBYS.Starting Fresh. The workers spent a significant amount of timetearing down the old bridge to create space for the new one.Sometimes we need to do the same in our personal lives. In order torebuild relationships, we first must rid ourselves of negative habits andattitudes that have not worked in the past. Old habits often are hard(even harder than concrete) to break.A Solid Foundation. Withthe aid of heavy equipment,the crew spent weeksdigging through layer afterlayer of dirt and rock in orderto lay a foundation strongenough to support a bridge.The value of our belief systemand the family and friendsthat support us isimmeasurable. We may notbe able to see thefoundation that was laid inour lives, but we should be careful not to discount it. Even moreimportantly, we should be prepared to provide that foundation for thefriends, family, and others who so desperately need us.Overcoming Obstacles. I observed great frustration on the part ofthe workers who tried to control Lititz Run. In order to create enoughdry space to pour concrete, water from the creek had to be diverted.No matter how hard they tried, the workers were never able to fullycontrol the creek. They ultimately had to pump water 24 hours a dayin order to create the space they needed. No matter how hard we try,we cannot control every external factor in our lives. We must learnhow to manage the many obstacles that cause us frustration.In many ways, COBYS is in the business of building bridges. Weconnect parents with their birth children and restore maritalrelationships. We make efforts to match adoptive children with aloving family, and we build hope for teen moms who have little or nofamily support. We may not be pouring concrete, but we are trying tobridge the gaps in people’s lives.Over many years, parts of the bridge over Lititz Run had started tocrumble. While the bridge remained functional, the structure neededto be rebuilt before it deteriorated further. We now have a beautifulnew bridge.Relationships need rebuilt too. COBYS continues to help peoplestart fresh, build solid foundations, and manage challenges that standin the way of wholeness.Phil Hershey, AdministratorFostering Hope 2
(continued from page one)“My husband’s parents didfoster care when he was young,”says Sara, “and he has a sister withan adopted daughter and twofoster daughters.”Sara also has two sisters whohave cared for foster children oradopted. Her sister Mary Weaver,and husband, Harold, haveadopted eight children—threethrough COBYS (see Winter 2007Fostering Hope at cobys.org/news)—and another sister and herfamily provide foster care throughLancaster County.Jon and Sara, of Stevens, havetwo birth children and currentlyare caring for a five-month-oldfoster daughter, who they mayadopt. Both Sara’s and Jon’sparents have more foster oradopted grandchildren thanbiological grandchildren.Sara says that their familiescertainly influenced them toconsider foster care. “It wasn’tinfluence as in pressure,” sheexplains. “It was influence as inexposure.”While she enjoyed being anaunt to her older sister’s children,initially she didn’t see herself as afoster parent.“I didn’t realize how all thatexposure gave Jon and me a softheart for the children and all thatgoes on in their lives.”Asked whether she anticipatesadopting eight like her sister, Sarareplies with a smile, “We’re notgiving numbers. I don’t know whatGod plans for me. We’re justcommitted to being open.”That’s what her sister said, too.Like Mother, Like DaughterBrian and Dawn Wenger, ofMohnton, put a different twist onthe “running in the family” themewhen they adopted one of Dawn’sparents’ foster children.Dawn is daughter of John andLucy Nolt, one of COBYS’ longestserving resource families. Johnand Lucy have cared for some 30foster children since 1990, manywith special needs. But there wassomething special about Connor,now four.Once a foster son to John and LucyNolt, Connor Wenger is now their grandson.They are pictured on Connor’s adoptionday in June 2006.“We didn’t plan to adopt,”recalls Dawn. “It was kind of asurprise. We just fell in love withhim. We had three kids and didn’thave room for any more.”But the Wengers, who hadpreviously served as foster parentsthrough Berks County, made roomfor Connor, adopting him in June2006.“I had positive impressionsabout adoption because ofmultiple adoptions in myextended family,” says Dawn.In addition to her parents,Dawn has an aunt and uncle whohave provided foster care andadopted.Built In SupportBeing part of an extendedfamily that understands foster careand adoption offers someadvantages.“They come into foster careand they can hit the groundrunning,” says Sharon of familieslike the Bollingers.Nelson appreciates thatTreva’s parents are supportive.“They know what it’s like,” he says,“and understand the whole ideaand the system.”Families like the Bollingers,Sauders, and Wengers, saysCOBYS caseworker Tonya Weaver,“have a built in support system ofpeople who understand.”Tonya believes thatresource families with somehistory of adoption and fostercare also are more patientand realistic. “They don’tseem to get as frustrated withhow the system works,” shesays, “even when they haveextremely frustrating cases.”“My parents are verygood at keeping us realistic,”Treva agrees. “Mom will say,‘Treva, this is foster care.’”Treva’s parents also havehelped remind her of theimportance of respecting the birthparent.Nelson and Treva maintain arelationship with Camirah’s birthmother, who now lives in Florida,and two foster families who arecaring for Camirah’s birth sisters.Treva says she formed a specialbond with the birth mother during11 months of weekly visits. The factthat both gave birth at about thesame time helped Trevaempathize.“Mom to mom,” she says witha tear, “my heart just goes out toher.”It’s hard to say exactly how thisheart for children gets passedalong in some families. It could beviral. Maybe genetic. We’re prettysure it has something to do withChristian faith.Whatever the cause, COBYS isencouraged that it still isspreading. Nelson Bollinger’scousin and his wife just completedtraining and should be ready soonfor their first foster children.Fostering Hope 3
Page 4 and 5: Still Growing!Bike & Hike Sets New
Page 6 and 7: COBYS Truancy Program Expanding Bey

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