Spring 2012 Fostering Hope Newsletter - COBYS Family Services

Fostering Hope
SPRING 2012 VOLUME 22, NUMBER 1
Fostering Supportive Relationships
Is This Couple’s Specialty
Matt and Marie Cooper came to
COBYS Family Services in 2008,
intending to adopt a son. They
ended up “adopting” not only a
son, but the parents of the foster
children they have provided care
for since then.
“I love the mothers almost as
much as I love the kids,” Marie
explains. “I just see the struggles
that they have grown up with, and
I can empathize with them. I can
understand how difficult if would
be to make good choices.”
Matt, a longtime science
teacher at Lampeter-Strasburg
High School, actually had felt
called for some time to get
involved in caring for kids, but
Marie was hesitant. Finally, after
nearly a decade of wrestling with
a call, Marie heard a sermon on
sharing abundance. “It clicked
with me that we had an
abundance of love in our home,”
she recalls.
They also had an idyllic setting
for kids on their 5.5-acre Strasburg
Township farmette, where horses
roam the pasture, dogs and cats
rub against your legs, and a
swimming pool provides summer
respite.
Already parents of four
biological children, Matt and
Marie were approved as COBYS
resource parents in September
2008. They thought they would
adopt one nine-year-old boy.
Instead, three-year-old Luis came
into their lives in
February 2009 and
became their adopted
son on April 1, 2010.
“After that, we felt we
were called to do
more,” says Marie.
In January 2010 that
call to do more began
to take shape through a
telephone call from a
COBYS resource home
coordinator,
asking whether the Coopers
would welcome a newborn boy,
who needed a home immediately.
Marie called Matt at school, Matt
said, “Go for it,” and two hours
later Marie brought little Zameer
home from the hospital.
Matt sent an e-mail around to
friends and colleagues at school,
asking for items to care for a baby,
and they were in business.
Marie says she could tell
Matt & Marie Cooper (above) have
become much more than foster
parents for Zameer (left) and his
mother, Bianca.
immediately by the way Zameer
was dressed that he had a mother
who loved him, and her hunch
was confirmed when Zameer’s
mother, Bianca, brought pumped
breast milk to their first visit a short
time later. Outgoing Bianca made
an even better impression in
person. And the positive vibes
were mutual.
“When I first met Marie,” Bianca
(continued on page three)
Fostering Hope 1

Mission Statement
Motivated by Christian faith, COBYS
Family Services educates, supports,
and empowers children and adults
to reach their full potential.
Board of Directors
Whit Buckwalter, President
Tom Weber, Vice-President
Rose Walmer, Secretary
Gail Graybill Carson, Treasurer
Pamela Ament Arthur Kreider
Wendy Egolf John Layman
Nancy Fittery John Wise
Debra Krantz
Administrative Staff
Mark Cunningham, Executive
Director
Mary Sourber, Director of Placement
Services
Donald Fitzkee, Director of
Development
Cynthia Umberger, Controller
Bethany Kauffman-Raub, Office
Manager
Janae Sauder, Adoption Supervisor
Michele Romeo Martin, Supervisor of
Counseling Services
Abby Keiser, Family Life Education
Supervisor
Sharon Kingsley, Foster Care
Supervisor
Nicole Schwartz, Permanency Unit
Supervisor
Fostering Hope is the quarterly
newsletter of COBYS Family Services,
a Christian family service agency,
affiliated with the Atlantic Northeast
District of the Church of the Brethren.
Editor/Designer: Donald R. Fitzkee
COBYS Family Services
1417 Oregon Road
Leola, PA 17540
Phone: 717-656-6580
800-452-6517
Fax: 717-656-3056
www.cobys.org
Embracing Our Christian Identity
Last fall, consultant Geoff Davis, of Conversations (and of Hempfield
Church of the Brethren, where he serves as an associate pastor) led
the staff of the COBYS leadership team and six board members
through three half-day sessions of strategic planning. The goal was to
evaluate where we are as an organization and determine directions
for the future.
A 30-page document containing a number of
insights resulted from those meetings, which will help
move us forward for the next five years. While
specific goals for COBYS came out of the
discussions, the underlying theme that permeated
the entire process was a strong desire for COBYS to
be an organization that embraces and celebrates
our Christian identity.
As a first step in implementing our Strategic Plan,
at its January meeting the Board of Directors reaffirmed our mission
statement: “Motivated by Christian faith, COBYS Family Services
educates, supports, and empowers children and adults to reach their
full potential.” Additionally, the board approved new core values to
further define what kind of organization we are and aspire to be:
Core Values
• Life is Sacred. Believing that all people are created in the image of
God, we recognize the inherent worth of each client by exhibiting
empathy, compassion, and respect.
• Integrity. We strive to be honest, authentic, and trustworthy in saying
what we mean, matching our behaviors to our words, and taking
responsibility for our actions.
• Faith. Jesus is Lord of our organization. We trust him to provide for our
ministry’s needs and to empower transformation in our own lives and
in the lives of those we serve.
• Teamwork. Respecting our unique contributions, we value and care
for each other, both personally and professionally, and enjoy working
and growing together.
• Servanthood. Servant leadership is reflected perfectly in the life and
person of Jesus Christ. We seek to integrate the highest standards of
professionalism with Christ’s example of joyful service.
You may have noticed that the first letters of our core values form
the acronym LIFTS, which can remind us how we seek to help our
clients rise above their circumstances. (I would have preferred to list
Faith first as the foundational value, but somehow “FLITS” didn’t seem
quite as inspirational.)
While we don’t always take ourselves too seriously, we do take our
Christian vocation seriously. It is my expectation that everything we do
and hope to be comes out of our relationship with and calling from
God. It’s a high calling, but one that we are committed to living out.
Mark Cunningham, Executive Director
Fostering Hope 2

(continued from page one)
recalls, “she just came up to me
and gave me this hug and said
everything was going to be fine.”
The Coopers made it their
goal not only to foster Zameer,
but to foster a supportive
relationship with Bianca. During
the nine months Zameer was in
their home, Matt and Marie
regularly texted updates and
pictures to Bianca.
Marie gave Bianca her phone
number and they began daily
phone conversations. In addition
to interacting at court-appointed
visits, Marie and Zameer met
Bianca at her workplace to go
out for lunch a couple times a
week so mother and son could
form a stronger bond.
The Coopers supported
Bianca as she dealt with criminal
proceedings against Zameer’s
father, whose abuse of Bianca
contributed to Zameer’s
placement in care. They
encouraged her as she got the
help she needed with counseling,
parenting and life skills, and
more. At her own initiative,
Bianca participated in extra
parenting training through the
intensive COBYS Family Nurturing
program.
When the caseworker felt it
was appropriate, the Coopers
invited Bianca to begin attending
church with them at the Lampeter
Church of the Brethren. “It was
kind of scary at first,” says Bianca,
“because I was the only colored
person. But as I entered the door
everybody was so open.”
Lampeter members Drew and
Pam Brubaker became an
additional support and provided
regular transportation to church.
In spring 2011, Bianca was
baptized.
Bianca, now 27, marvels at
how supportive the church has
been. Last summer the Coopers
and Brubakers organized a youth
work day at Bianca’s home. While
Marie, Pam, and Bianca enjoyed
a night at the movies, a swarm of
youth and advisors from the
church cleaned and
redecorated the house.
In September 2011, Zameer
returned home, but the
relationships that had been
formed while he was in care
continued. Bianca now considers
Matt and Marie to be her parents,
and the Coopers have formed a
grandparenting relationship with
Zameer. They babysit regularly
and converse with Bianca by
phone or text several times a
week.
“Marie was like a mother to
me from the first time I met her,”
Bianca states. “Matt Cooper is my
father.” Matt signs his texts to
Bianca, “Love Dad,” she says.
Acknowledging that her own
childhood was full of pain and
trials, Bianca explains, “Marie
and Matt gave me another life
story. When I’m in
their home, I feel
like I always lived
there. I love them
Frank, Katie,
and their
daughter, Aliza,
count the
Coopers as
special friends.
as if they were there when I was a
baby. I didn’t have a family circle,
so they built me one—with God in
the middle.”
Bianca now is pursuing nursing
training. She continues regular
visits to the COBYS Permanency
Unit in Lancaster to see her
special needs son, Janiel, who is
being cared for by another family.
Reaching Out Again
When new foster children
Christopher and Aliza arrived in
the Coopers’ home in May 2010,
Marie and Matt lent the same
support to five-year-old Aliza’s
parents—Frank and Katie—that
they were providing for Bianca. At
the time, behavior related to
Frank’s alcohol addiction had
landed him in prison, and Katie
had neglected her four children
while using illegal drugs. Losing
her children was a wake up call.
“I met Katie at court after
three days (having her children),”
Marie recalls, “and I liked her
immediately.”
Matt and Marie both admired
Katie’s determination to turn her
life around. She ceased her drug
use and utilized the resources
made available to her to remain
drug-free, improve parenting skills,
and more. The COBYS “3 R’s”
program for families struggling
with truancy was one resource
that she found helpful.
During weekly visits, the
Coopers and Katie began to
build a relationship. When Frank
exited prison and entered a
rehab program in Lancaster in
December 2010, the Coopers
reached out to him, as well, but
initially Frank was wary.
“Emotion came up in Frank the
first time he saw Aliza call Matt
‘Daddy,’” says COBYS
(continued on page four)
Fostering Hope 3

COBYS GGC Program Promotes Positive Choices
COBYS educators
Jess Schrodel (above)
and Beth Ressler (left)
led the Guiding Good
Choices program at
Donegal Middle
School this winter.
(continued from page three)
Permanency Caseworker Becky
Frey. “To ease that discomfort,” she
recalls, “he and Matt had a
conversation, and I think that’s
when their relationship started to
grow into a friendship.”
Matt and Frank now get
together a couple times a month
for breakfast and text and call
each other regularly. Frank has
been sober since completing his
rehab program in January 2011.
“Matt raised my daughter for
me when I couldn’t and did an
outstanding job,” Frank says now.
Frank points to a shared Christian
faith as the foundation of their
relationship. Matt says a common
interest in the Pittsburgh Steelers
also helps.
The Coopers invited Frank and
Katie to attend church at Lampeter,
which they did for a time, before
transitioning to a church closer to
their home in the city.
While Christopher has required
additional care in another setting,
Aliza returned home last June,
after a little more than a year at
the Coopers. She’s still a regular
visitor at the Coopers’ home, and
Frank and Katie also get together
with Matt and Marie. In the
summer there are cookouts and
swimming. “It’s just a good
relationship,” says Frank.
So close is the relationship that
Fostering Hope 4

and Jess Schrodel worked with
parents and teens to help the
teens develop “refusal skills” to
say “no” when peers entice
them to make bad choices.
Another session teaches the
STARR method of controlling
anger. Parents are taught to
Stop and recognize their anger,
Think about the consequences
of losing control, Ask themselves
what they want to happen,
Reduce their feelings of anger,
and Reward themselves for
success.
As a result of their
participation in the program at
Donegal, Stacie Detter and Rob
Cawller instituted weekly family
meetings with Stacy’s daughter
to talk about school, friends,
and family matters. “These
family meetings have really
become a part of our family
now,” says Stacie, and have
opened lines of communication.
“It’s been good for all of us
to learn how to help our kids
make good choices,” sums up
Mary Allman, who participated
with her husband, Bryan, at
Donegal. “We’ve only had little
troubles in our family so far,” she
continues. “We’re hoping to
on January 21, 2011, Aliza served
as flower girl at the Coopers’
oldest daughter’s wedding. It just
so happened that the wedding
took place on Aliza’s birthday.
Reflecting on what qualities
enable the Coopers to build such
supportive relationships with
biological parents, Becky Frey
points to their nonjudgmental tone
and view of foster care: “When
they foster kids,” she says, “they
look at it as a temporary situation
learn how to avoid big
troubles.”
In addition to the Donegal
program, GGC has been held
at Burrowes Elementary School,
Wheatland Middle School, and
J.P. McCaskey High School
(twice), all in School District of
Lancaster. The McCaskey
programs were for parents in
the district’s Project Forward
Leap, an educational
enrichment program for
disadvantaged communities.
Other programs have been
offered in partnership with
Cocalico Middle School in
Cocalico School District and
Blue Ball Elementary School in
Eastern Lancaster County. A
program is running currently at
Hans Herr Elementary School in
Lampeter-Strasburg School
District, and two more programs
will be scheduled this fall.
GGC is funded by a $73,000
grant from the Pennsylvania
Commission on Crime and
Delinquency (PCCD), and its
continuation will be dependent
on identifying ongoing funding
sources.
to help someone else out. They
understand that the biological
parents really deserve a chance
to get their kids back.”
Katie has an even simpler
explanation. She says of Matt and
Marie, “These people are special.
It’s like God created them exactly
for what they do.”
Meet the Coopers and others
featured in this article in person at
the March 15 COBYS Fancy Ball.
Fun Walk
Slated at
Peter
Becker
COBYS
Family
Services
will host
the 18th
annual Family Fun Walk on Sunday,
May 6, at Peter Becker Community,
800 Maple Ave., Harleysville. The
walk begins at 4 p.m., with
registration at 3:30.
The event consists of a threemile
walk, followed by ice cream,
refreshments, and awarding of door
prizes. Walkers pay a fee or enlist
sponsors to benefit COBYS ministries
to children and families.
Seventy-two participants in the
2011 Family Fun Walk raised more
than $8,500 for COBYS ministries.
Goals of 100 participants and
$10,000 have been set for this year.
Top fundraisers can choose
between grand prizes of a night’s
stay for two donated by Willow
Valley Inn & Suites, near Lancaster
and two tickets to Jonah, donated
by Sight & Sound Theatres, Lancaster.
All participants receive a t-shirt, ice
cream and refreshments, and a
chance to win a door prize. Youth
groups who raise $1,000 or more
earn a gym and pizza night.
Costs of the event are
underwritten by Bauman Family Fruit
Butters and Cider, Sassamansville.
Additional business supporters are
being sought.
For the second year, the walk
will be staged from Orchid Terrace,
located inside the main building at
Peter Becker Community. The event
will be held rain or shine.
Printable brochures and sponsor
sheets will be available at
www.cobys.org/news.htm by mid-
March. For more information about
the event or becoming a business
sponsor, please contact Don Fitzkee
at 800-452-6517 or don@cobys.org.
Fostering Hope 5

Campolo, Blackwoods Headline Praise Dinner
A popular story teller and a
gospel quartet with a storied
history will headline the 17th
annual Wenger Foundation
Praise Dinner on Thursday, May 3,
at 6:00 p.m., at the Lebanon
Expo Center. The event will
benefit COBYS Family Services
and three other ministries.
Preacher Tony Campolo will
give an inspirational message.
Campolo is professor emeritus of
sociology at Eastern University
and president of the Evangelical
Association for the Promotion of
Education. He has written more
than 35 books, blogs regularly at
his website, redletterchristians.org,
and speaks some 400 times a
year.
Also performing will be the
Blackwood Brothers Quartet. In
existence since 1934, the
Blackwood Brothers have
recorded over 200 albums and
toured in 47 countries. They have
won eight Grammy
Awards and six Dove
Awards and were
inducted into the Gospel
Music Hall of Fame in
1998.
In addition to the
inspiration provided by
Campolo and the
Blackwoods, the evening
will include a buffet meal
catered by Country Home
Catering. Other
ministries benefitting
from the event are
Evangelical Seminary,
Friendship Community,
and On Fire Youth
Ministries.
The cost to attend
is $100 per person or
$1,000 per table of 10
guests. One hundred
percent of donations support
the designated ministries.
Underwriting all of the event’s
expenses are the Achey family,
Tony Campolo will
speak and the Blackwood
Brothers Quartet will sing
at the May 3 Wenger Foundation
Praise Dinner.
Thanks for the Memories (and Hamballs!)
COBYS Executive Director Mark Cunningham surprised Marion Brubaker
with a bouquet of roses and some words of gratitude at the COBYS
Resource Family Christmas Party at Florin Church of the Brethren in
December. (Full Disclosure: The Florin Brethren provided the roses; the kind
words were from Mark.)
The Florin congregation has provided the annual dinner for some 15
years, serving up ham balls and Christmas cookies. For most of that time
Marion was the primary organizer. Now a resident at Brethren Village, she
is relinquishing the organizational responsibilities, but not giving up
involvement. Lord willing, we expect to see an apron-clad Marion in the
kitchen again next year, dutifully following instructions from her successor.
At this year’s party, approximately 150 COBYS resource parents,
children, and staff enjoyed a meal, entertainment by Steven Courtney
(pictured top right), and the annual appearance of Santa & Mrs. Claus
(who bear a resemblance to Florin members Marty & Lois Witman).
Fostering Hope 6

Plain & Fancy Custom Cabinetry;
John Byler; Roger & Marjorie
Gerhart; Roger & Carolyn North,
North Group Consultants; Sight &
Sound Ministries, Inc.; the
Wenger Family, Wengers of
Myerstown; and other
anonymous contributors.
The Wenger Foundation, Inc.,
was established in 1996 as the
charitable giving arm of the
Wenger Family of Companies.
Since then, the Foundation has
awarded nearly $2 million to a
variety of Christian and
community ministries, including
$242,306 to COBYS, which first
became a beneficiary of the
Praise Dinner in 1999.
Last year’s Praise Dinner
attracted 800 people and raised
nearly $90,000, including
$16,940 for COBYS.
Invitations to the event will be
mailed in March. For more
information, please contact the
Wenger Foundation at 717-866-
2130 or rwalmer@wengers.com.
You on Facebook? If you are, why not sign up to follow COBYS? We’re up
to 128 fans, to date, and our Facebook page is becoming a great
source for inspiration and information. Here are a couple recent posts:
A six-year-old counseling client was asked by his mother what adoption
means. His response was quick: “Adoption is when you’re stuck with the
same family.” Out of the mouths of babes...
“We have to learn to make room for
God—to give God ‘elbow room.’ We
calculate and estimate, and say that this
and that will happen, and we forget to make room for God to come in
as He chooses.” —Oswald Chambers
We were blessed by several churches and church groups who gave in
special ways during the Christmas season. Manor Church, Ridgeway
Community COB, and Wyomissing COB donated offerings from special
services; volunteers from Lancaster Evangelical Free Church provided
wrapped Christmas presents for children and teens in our Permanency
program; and Myerstown COB Women’s Fellowship donated gift cards to
benefit various parts of our ministry. We are grateful for all the support
we received during December from individuals, businesses, churches,
and others. We were reminded again of how generous people can be!
A Place Called Home
My expectations are so high
But all I gotta’ do is try
I just want my kids to feel stable
To sit and eat dinner at the table
To have a big happy family
Or just the kids and me
Going on family trips
Or to the pool for a quick dip
Playing board games
Loving each other all the same
I’m tired of living like a mouse
I just want to give my kids a house
We’ve gone from place to place
Moving like we’re in a race
I just want them to have a place to call home
Not one they built as a kid outta’ foam
I’m talking four brick walls. . . and halls
For more than a decade COBYS
Family Services has provided intensive
parenting training through the Family
Nurturing Education and Support
Program. Family Nurturing is approved
by the Lancaster County Children &
Youth Social Service Agency and often
serves parents who are seeking to
make a fresh start. A participant in the
program, who recently had been
released from prison, shared her
aspirations for a stable home life in
the form of a prayer.
I’m not too picky as long as it’s clean
You couldn’t imagine some of the places I’ve seen
We don’t need diamonds or furs
I just want to offer them structure
Is that too much to ask? What do ya’ say?
Father God, I pray. . .
Please give us all this blessing
So our hearts will forever sing
Amen
Fostering Hope 7

Last Call for The COBYS Fancy Ball
This is your last call for The COBYS
Fancy Ball. There’s still time to
sign up, get cleaned up, and
join us for our
attempt
(doomed
though it
may be) at
a gala
event.
COBYS will
be serving up
fun, food, and
inspiration at our
annual banquet on Thursday,
March 15, at 6:30 p.m. at Middle
Creek Church of the Brethren,
351 Middle Creek Road, Lititz.
During the program guests
will meet Matt & Marie Cooper
and friends (see cover story);
Ryan & Erica Onufer and their
four adopted children; Judge
Jay Hoberg, who presided over
the Onufer adoptions (and many
other COBYS adoptions); and
District Magisterial Justice Rodney
Hartman with COBYS Family Life
Education Supervisor Abby Keiser.
Providing music is a quartet
comprised of members of the
Susquehanna Chorale, including
COBYS Controller Cynthia
Umberger, alto; Brethren Village
Pastor Mark Tedford, tenor; Sara
Zentmeyer, soprano; and
Stephen Schaefer, bass.
Black ties (any ties, for that
matter) are optional, but you can
expect some people will be
decked out in all their finery for
an event such as this.
There is no cost to attend
(other than your limo and tux
rental), but reservations are
required. We understand you will
want to look good, but please
don’t spend all of your money on
a new outfit. Save some to to
support COBYS ministries when
given the opportunity at the
banquet.
Register as soon as possible
by contacting Mr. Fitzkee at
don@cobys.org or 717-656-6580.
For more information,
including the full invitation and
response card with directions to
the church, visit the News &
Events page at www.cobys.org.
COBYS Family Services
1417 Oregon Road
Leola, PA 17540
Non-Profit
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