Page 30TOTALLY TRACIEMum’s Gone To IcelandWell, that’s it folks. Summer is officiallyover. <strong>The</strong> kids have gone back to school,Clarkes Shoes have sent their salesassistants to <strong>The</strong> Priory after the summerrush, mothers are cutting back onthe valium, so it’s time to start puttingaway the shorts and the flip-flops andstart pulling on the jumpers and scarvesonce again. After what was the longestcoldest most miserable winter on record,we were aptly rewarded with the mostglorious summer I can remember inmany a long year. For the first time ever,I have sat in my garden and relaxedamongst the weeds and the roses thatneeded pruning. But I didn’t care aboutthat one jot as I took some time out tosimply sit and drink in my deckchair.Hey, I even got in the pool once, whichwas a first!But all good things must come to an endand it’s time to get back to normal andstart looking forward.Did you realise that September is supposedlythe month when more peoplethan ever start affairs?I read an interesting article the other daywhich said, ‘Ladies - if your man is suddenlyshopping solo in Waitrose, takeheed.’ Whereas ‘if men suddenly noticetheir lady changing supermarkets toSainsbury’s, then they too should beextra vigilant.’It appears that men associate Waitrosewith ‘quality women’ who take care ofthemselves, whereas women associateSainsbury’s with men who are ‘goodproviders and good at DIY.’Personally " speaking, I have always hadgood results with men in B&Q or Wickes- wink wink. But it seems no-one is in theleast bit interested in starting up an affairin Iceland, so if your partner starts shoppingthere you can breathe a sigh ofrelief. Well, until you have to start eatingendless amounts of party food and lookforward to the in-laws coming over everyother day.FacecockDating doesn’t come any worse thanthis. A <strong>Chelmsford</strong> lady recently wrote totell me about her date from hell (oh andplease keep them coming as I love readingthem). Anyway, Jackie met a lovelyman. <strong>The</strong>y went out for dinner twice andwere having a wonderful time together.All was going well and Peter thought hehad finally met the girl of his dreams.<strong>The</strong>y made arrangements to spend aday in London before all suddenly wentquiet. Jackie contacted Peter a fewtimes, but he simply said he was “busyat work”. <strong>The</strong>n he contacted her andsaid, “I’m sorry, but I cannot see youagain as I have looked through yourFacebook friends and gone through yourfriend’s photo’s and I don’t like the wayone of your friend’s posts on her wall.”So it seems that when joining Facebook,not only in the fickle world of dating doyou have to be extra vigilant on what youpost, but it also seems you have to beextra careful as to the company youkeep!Blimey, when did dating become such agame of egos and power? Where hasthe romance gone?In today’s fickle world it seems the slightestthing can trip a relationship up beforeit’s even properly begun. I mean, howcan you ever really know someone froma Facebook page, which let’s face it, ifit’s anything like mine is full of instructionsto my teenage son, as that’s theonly way I can communicate with him!@ Invisible WorldScientists have developed an all-in-onesuit to protect surfers from sharks, whichsounds good.But if I were given a suit that made meinvisible, I could think of much betterthings to do in it than surfing. Hmmm, abank robbery immediately springs tomind, via the pub, where ‘Him Indoors’hangs @ out, whereupon I’d punch him onthe nose for the number of dinners I’vecooked @ which have had to be re-heatedor thrown in the bin, when he says he’sonly going to be an hour at the most!Rise to the OccasionIf you’re hoping to get a bumper pay riseat work this year, you might have to rethinkyour strategy, as it seems the keyto getting that super-duper pay rise is toimprove your game not in the boardroom,but the bedroom - and no, thatdoes not mean sleeping with your bossor your work colegues!Anglia University (no less) recently conducteda study which said those thatimproved their techniques in the bedroomquickly found that their pay checkreflected the desired results, and thosethat had sex before work were morehappy and cheerful all day long.Whereas in my case - I think such athought would make me get up half-anhour8 earlier to be out of the door and at-&8my desk a bit lively. You see, I like tocling on to my duvet ’til the very last possiblesecond. In fact, I’m more worriedabout what I can leave out of my daily9-*routine for an extra minute in bed, ratherthan what else I can cram in!Another Little<strong>Chelmsford</strong> GemCraig Hubert, our local World ChampionHairdresser, has been beavering awaybuilding his own brand of VintageCosmetics. Last week his cosmeticsrange made it onto QVC. Now beforeyou turn your nose up at TV shopping,be aware that every celebrity in theworld dreams of being invited onto QVCto flog their products, In fact, it’s hardergetting them onto QVC than it is gettingthem into Vogue and only the very bestof the best brands - after vigorous testing- make it on to showcase. So hugecongratulations to Craig and his team.Check out his website...thevintagecosmeticcompany.co.uk
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