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the 01245
EDGE
MACK
Moulsham Street
359111
Wharf Road
01245 256111
‘THE CHELMSFORD FANZINE’
APRIL 2012
ISSUE NO: 186
MACK
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www.theedgemag.co.uk The Edge Chelmsford CM2 6XD Telephone 01245 348256 Mobile: 077 646 797 44

Exclusive Kitchen & Interior Design
Company Opens in Chelmsford
After 5 months careful planning and investment, Spazio Design of
Chelmsford, specialists in the design, supply and installation of quality
kitchen and interior products, opened its doors to the public with a grand
launch party on Saturday 10th March.
KITCHENS
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odesign.co.uk
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The Mayor and Mayoress of Chelmsford
with Spazio Design MD Kevin Miles
The day began at 10am when the Mayor of Chelmsford, councillor Bob
Shepherd, accompanied by Mayoress Doreen Shepherd, cut the ribbon to
commence proceedings. After a short speech, they were given a grand
tour of the new showroom, taking in the extensive range of designer
kitchens, plus bedroom, living furniture and lighting on offer.
Patisseries and drinks were served by Limeberry Catering who kept the
multitude of guests fed and watered all day long.
Midday saw the arrival of celebrity chef Mark Baumann and his wife Fiona,
who were particularly impressed by the stunning range of cookers from
American manufacturer Wolf.
The next celebrity guest certainly had visitors tongues wagging, as Amy
Childs lit up the room in a stunning turquoise dress. Amy happily posed for
photographs with excited fans, and spent time with Spazio Design director
Martino Basile, as he talked her through the various displays. Amy left to
have lunch but returned at 5pm to enjoy the evening entertainment and
was actually one of the last to leave!
At 5pm Kieran Spivey, local singer and budding R&B star, began a set of
classic ‘Rat Pack’ and jazz songs to get the party going in full swing. By
this time, the drinks were positively flowing, with around 100 visitors in
attendance enjoying festivities and entertainment.
Guests were fed and watered
throughout the Opening Day
celebrations, whilst Amy Childs
(right) looked absolutely beautiful
enjoing a glass of bubbly!
The evening was rounded off with the announcement of the winning free
prize draw, with prizes including a £100 voucher to be used at the Blue
Bridge restaurant in Writtle, a beautiful Italian hamper, a £150 Virgin Active
experience voucher, plus a stunning Pebble coffee-table designed by
Matthius Demacker. N.B. The winner of a Miele vacuum cleaner tried to
swap prizes with the coffee-table winner, albeit without success!
Spazio Design managing director Kevin Miles was clearly happy with the
day`s events. “Five months ago we had a vision to bring a London style
showroom to Chelmsford, one of England`s most up and coming towns,
and now a city. To see this come to fruition with so many guests and
friends is fantastic. The showroom looks amazing - exactly as we had
hoped - and the response by visitors bodes well for our future success.”
Page 2 The Edge 01245 348256

You’ll
remember my
name now tho’,
won’tcha?
EDGE
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Too flaming right The Edge will remember your name in future, love!
This is Amy Childs, readers. Yes, off that ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ programme (apparently), but
as your editor’s never even seen it, I didn’t know who she was when I spotted her at the all new,
posh, sexy, Spazio Kitchen’s grand opening bash on Saturday 10th March at their impressive,
spacious studio opposite Fitness First in New Street, Chelmsford.
But now that The Edge has finally stopped dribbling, all it can say is, ‘Corrrrr, what a stunner!’
These days, Amy has ditched T.O.W.I.E. in favour of modeling, fashion and TV presenting,
as well as a starring role in her very own show: ‘It’s All About Amy’ (Channel 5).
And get this: according to Wikipedia, Amy “lives in Brentwood with her Mum and Dad, older
brother Billy, and three thugs.”
Eh? Three thugs? Do they mean pugs (as in: those cute ickle doggies)???
What’s all that about? Can anyone enlighten The Edge?
Preferably the glam girl herself....
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The Edge 077 646 797 44 Page 3

The Edge Editor’s Column
GET YOUR TICKETS NOW!
What tickets?
Why, for ‘Sparks Will Fly’, or course. Something
majorly spectacular in Hylands Park on the
evening of Friday 6th July.
It’s tricky to describe, but a wonder to see, or so
The Edge has been told.
So get your FREE tickets on-line now at
www.sparkswillfly.org.uk before the rest of the
county gets their hands on ’em.
10 GREAT THINGS ABOUT
CHELMSFORD
The Edge kicked off this brand new series last
month, when Chelmsford was merely a town,
with a warming tribute to Lek’s Thai Food outlet
in Chelmsford Market, before admitting it was
going to struggle to find another nine.
So I requested your help - and what did I get?
Bugger all. That’s right, sweet bugger all.
Now I know you all read the mag, so it can’t
have been the fact that you didn’t see my plea.
So what is it then? Are you as dumbstruck as
me?
Come on, readers. As teachers used to write
beside our essays and in our report cards:
MUST DO BETTER in ‘idiot red’ ink.
So let’s be hearing from you. Otherwise that is a
truly damning indictment upon our ickle town.
(Oops!)
SO WE’RE A CITY?
Hmmmmm.
Well, they do say that ‘small is beautiful’.
STYLISTICS
I suddenly started singing You Make Me Feel
Brand New to myself in a right HPV (high
pitched voice) in the middle of the night and
could I shake it off?
Could I buggery.
“My love, I’ll never find the words, my love...”
How annoying is it when it happens, eh?
“To tell you how I feel, my love...”
Especially when you’re not particularly fond of
the song in the first place.
“Mere words could not explain...”
Then it goes up an octave.
“Precious love, you held my life in your hands...”
What utter cobblers.
“Created everything I am...”
Honestly, I’d have far rather walked down
Chelmsford chuffing High Street dressed like a
Stylistic than have that bloody nonsense
reverberating around dans my tete.
KID’S SPEAK THE TRUTH
This young kid walked past me holding hands
with her mummy and said, “That man’s got a
bald head just like daddy.”
For some reason, her Mum apologised.
CLASSIFIED ADVERTISER GOES
A.W.O.L.
I lost a semi-regular classified advertiser this
month, readers, all because of my ‘attitude’.
You see, they thought that after I’d constructed
a quality advert for them and they’d run it for a
few editions that they could then change it for a
piss poor Mickey Mouse type advert, just
because they were paying for it.
No, no, no, no, no. Them’s not the rules. Sorry.
Only while we’re on the subject, if you’re an
advertiser, or a potential advertiser, don’t think
for one minute that just because things run in
such-and-such a manner wherever the hell else
you’ve been advertising (up until now) that
things will run exactly the same at The Edge,
because they don’t.
MEDAL
Got up at 5:00am to finish this particular edition
off as catching BSB (big silver bird) to Thailand
the following day. I actually got up at 4:00am,
looked at my Wallace & Gromit clock in my
office, before thinking ‘bugger that’ and jumped
back into bed for another hour.
But I’m not telling you this because I think I
deserve a medal for my DTD (devotion to duty)
or anything. Although....I guess I am.
Because it’s like Edge columnist Tracie points
out on page 30 this month, if men do anything
(and by that we do mean anything, including
picking our own noses from time to time) then
we damn well want you to know about it.
And not just you, but everyone.
So the bottom-line is probably (definitely), yeah,
I really do want a medal for getting up at such a
poxy, unGodly hour.
THE EDGE Chelmsford CM2 6XD
01245 348256
shaun@theedgemag.co.uk
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Page 4 The Edge 01245 348256

Ali’s Taxis
46-46-46
SPOTTED (DICKS)
The Edge spotted two topless dicks wearing
Bermuda shorts by the traffic lights on Rectory
Lane on THURSDAY 1st MARCH.
Now it was a truly beautiful day out there on
that particular day, but ‘shirts off’ and ‘loud
shorts’ walking along a concrete footpath in
Chelmsford Del Sol?
Leave it out, lads.
‘Plastic Brit’
Tiffany Porter OK by Edge
Word has filtered through to The Edge that a
Yank by the name of Tiffany Porter has been
appointed British team captain in some athletics
tournament or other (blimey, have the
Olympics started already then?) ahead of
Jessica Ennis and Mo Farah (who?).
Whatever’s all the fuss about?
We’ve got a Greek in the palace and no-one
can understand a word Steven Gerrard says if
he goes on to lead us in this summers Euro’s.
Bottom line is, Tiff looks good in a pair of
shorts and for spasmodic armchair viewers
like The Edge, that’s all that bloody matters.
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CITIZEN
Citizen celebrates bidding, although Citizen was puzzled by two.
Chelmsford’s successful
bid for City comprises places such as Rochester, Gillingham and
Medway, in Kent, is actually an administrative area that
Status and admits Chatham. Stand in any of those and ask directions to
being taken by surprise
over the timing Sunderland - and I’d imagine you’d get some pretty puz-
Medway City Centre - as one might in say, Preston or
as Citizen had already zled expressions!
completed its second Further research shows that Rochester was once a city
column - on
- a status that initially passed to Medway borough when
Chelmsford’s bid for city it was formed, but later an outgoing council neglected to
status - when out of the appoint ceremonial Charter Trustees (whatever they
blue (?) the announcement was made!
are) to continue to represent Rochester, causing it to
Having, perhaps in hindsight, been mildly disparaging lose its city status - an error not even noticed until 2002.
about some rival bids, the editor gave Citizen a deadline How clumsy! Surely they should expect to remain in the
to rewrite - whilst retaining the gist of the original, as naughty corner for a few years yet.
you only have to watch the Oscars to know that once The other puzzling candidate was Tower Hamlets - a
victory is announced, everyone becomes
London Borough encompassing Brick Lane, Canary
magnanimous in success!
Wharf, Poplar and Stepney. Where exactly is the ‘city
So here goes. Citizen loves cities (as its name may suggest)
- and takes City breaks several times a year in the its commuting readers will work in Tower Hamlets and
centre’ of Tower Hamlets? Citizen is aware that many of
UK, Europe and further afield.
that these words may well find their way there, but surely
logic suggests that if this had achieved city status,
Essex born and bred, Citizen had long believed that the
county deserved a city and celebrates Chelmsford’s some or all of the other 30 or so London Boroughs
success over its rivals, including the counties two other would want it too? And anyway, doesn’t London ‘the
candidates.
Metropolis’ already includes two cities - the City of
However, some blogs and comments on websites seem London and Westminster? Surely it shouldn’t be
to be a little condescending about the size of
greedy?
Chelmsford. In fact, at around 169,000 citizens,
Hampshire - along with Kent and Essex, one of the
Chelmsford is already bigger than 25 current English largest counties in the south - has three cities in
cities, including Cambridge and such comparative minnows
as Wells and Lichfield. Of its fellow candidates, Cambridgeshire - a much smaller county - also has
Southampton, Portsmouth and Winchester.
Chelmsford was only dwarfed by Reading (the
three, including Ely, the third smallest in England.
favourite), Dudley, Luton and Milton Keynes.
Yorkshire has no less than six cities and Lancashire
This raises another point, as in Citizens book, there three, excluding Liverpool and Manchester - both taken
should be a distinction between your average city and a away to create the counties of Merseyside and Greater
truly massive one, such as London or New York. Manchester, although despite this, many residents still
For example, how can you use the same word to call themselves Lancastrians. Indeed, Lancashire
describe Paris (population 2,181,371 in 2008) and County Cricket Club plays most of their matches in
Bangor with 13,725 inhabitants?
Manchester - apart from last season when they won the
Citizen believes that a different name should be used County Championship mainly playing in Liverpool.
for the great, world class cities, of which most countries Essex, of course, played at Ilford and Leyton long after
only have one or two, and a few, like the US, have several.
For example, Spain can probably lay claim to two even play Twenty20 at the Olympic Stadium in Stratford
they had been hived off into Greater London and may
(or maybe three, if you ask a Basque separatist!). one day.
This word, already in limited use, came to prominence Had Bolton - also in Greater Manchester - been successful,
this would have destroyed one of the great trivia
in Fritz Lang’s classic 1927 film ‘Metropolis’. Doesn’t
that suit places like London, Paris, New York, Rome and questions of all time: “Which is England’s largest town?”
Sydney far better than using the same descriptor as for and led to a swift rewrite of a hundred Pub Quiz books.
smaller cities that can be seen pretty thoroughly in a Nearer to home in Suffolk, Ipswich also applied. Had
day or two from one of those open-top sightseeing they won, like Swansea, the football team would presumably
have needed to change its name from Town to
buses that seem to be everywhere you go in the world?
Indeed, will Chelmsford now get one?
City. Citizen would have to ask how the club that is in
Chelmsford has no claim to be a Metropolis, but its success
brings to a close a longstanding issue - that Essex the first attempt - and which gave England its two great-
the record books as the only one to win the league at
was the largest county in England without a city. est managers - could ever change its name from Town
If you Google ‘which counties do not have a city’ a to City. This would also surely have confused those of
Yahoo answer wrongly identifies fourteen. In fact, there their fans who use a particularly colourful bit of rhyming
are ten, as four named DO include cities - Hertfordshire slang to serenade arch rivals Norwich CITY from over
(St Albans); Huntingdonshire (which technically no the border in Norfolk!
longer exists and would, in any case, include
It was therefore right that England’s newest City was in
Peterborough), Staffordshire (Stoke) and Wiltshire Essex - you could almost say it was ‘the only way’!
(Salisbury).
In Citizen’s view, while it would have also celebrated
The remaining ten are Bedfordshire, Berkshire,
victory for either Colchester (with Boudicca, the Castle
Buckinghamshire, Essex, Northumberland, Rutland (no and the original University in its corner) or Southend
surprises there), Shropshire, Suffolk, Surrey and (with the longest pier, the Kursaal and its Golden Mile) -
Warwickshire.
Chelmsford (as the home of County Cricket, the County
You can see why Reading and the other three named Council, a small boutique Cathedral, the Crown Court
above - along with Colchester and Southend - were and birthplace of radio) was the right choice.
such strong rivals.
Had the announcement of Chelmsford’s success come
The Queen bestows city status on a town at every significant
anniversary in her reign. At the Silver Jubilee in we might have echoed the famous Sun headline, “It was
after Citizens original column had appeared, no doubt
1977 it was Derby, in 1992 Sunderland and in 2002 both The Edge what won it.” However, Citizen strongly suspects
that the Essex Chronicle might have had some-
Preston all of it, I assume, and not just the North End
part - and Newport became cities, although in the case thing to say about that!
of the latter, the football team still thinks it’s a County. Citizen also salutes their efforts on the Town’s - sorry -
This time there were 20 English towns (and 26 overall) city’s behalf!
Page 8 The Edge 01245 348256

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Page 10 The Edge 01245 348256

Despite it’s idyllic village
green setting, Grahams on the
Green in Writtle is hardly the
most attractive looking place
on the outside, is it? But once
you pass swiftly over the
threshold, everything slots
nicely into place and it really
does come into its own.
Strangely enough, I’d never
eaten at G-O-G before
(although the wife has on a fair
few occasions), yet I felt
immediately at home, such is
their unusual (these days)
attention to detail and the way
they genuinely seem to go out
of their way to look after you.
I’ve mentioned on many occasions
that my all time favourite
Chelmsford restaurant has
always been Bada (when it was
spelt like that - when Barry
and David owned it), but there
are some definite similarities
at Grahams.
It’s all about the way you do
things so far as The Edge is
concerned - how you set your
stall out. For instance,
Grahams gets 10/10 for its
place-mats. Now, who in their
right mind would notice a thing
like that, you might wonder?
Well, little details such as that
are important to your editor,
clearly.
Then there’s the exquisitely
shaped, super-large wine glasses
and the lovely drop of
Italian red we had in them,
served at the most perfect room
temperature (important, that).
Even the background music
seemed to be at a considered
level and all these things surely
don’t happen by chance. It’s
clearly no accident that
Grahams is the way it is.
On top of all that, the food was
lovely, and whilst that’s mainly
what you go for, the way The
Edge sees it, it’s the overall
package that’ll make you
return again and again.
It was also pretty full for a
mid-week evening as well.
The wife and I opted for the
2-course midweek set menu at
£18.50pp. My salmon, potato
and dill fishcake with tartar
sauce was delicious, whilst
Mrs Edge’s Confit Duck Salad
with sauteed mushrooms and
a walnut dressing was probably
even better (damn)!
Good starters definitely settle
you down. If they’re only adequate,
or poor, you’re on tenterhooks,
dreading what might
be served up next.
What I particularly liked about
Grahams was the fact I felt
confident about the place’s
high standards pretty much
immediately.
For my main course, being an
‘adventurous bloke’, I had the
pan-fried rib-eye steak (ha!),
but with new potatoes (instead
of chips) in a reduced balsamic
roasted shallots whilst my
nearest and dearest had the
chicken supreme stuffed with
semi-dried tomato, goat’s
cheese and pesto, croquette
potato, tomato sauce and
salsa verde.
Both were delicious and full as
we were, we managed to share
an equally scrumptious chocolate
& hazelnut brownie with
vanilla ice-cream for dessert.
Would I return?
You betcha!
SUPPORT
YOUR LOCAL
CHELMSFORD
RESTAURANTS,
READERS!
zen
restaurant & noodle bar
★ great food, excellent service
★ stylish environment
★ family’s welcome
★ large parties catered for
CHELMSFORD’S
NOODLE BAR
01245 353899 ★ 86-87 DUKE STREET CHELMSFORD
WWW.ZENCHELMSFORD.CO.UK
www.theedgemag.co.uk Page 11
1
st

Getting the ‘Old Me’ Back!
Telesales £26,000 OTE
Information Solutions - £14,000 basic + commission
A great opportunity to join a young dynamic team
You will need to be energetic, very hard working and
ambitious. You must have a fun, outgoing personality
and be comfortable making a high volume of
outbound calls, handling rejections and forging new
relationships. Ideally you will have previous telesales
experience and great communication skills.
If you really are ambitious call us NOW or submit your
CV at www.dbsdata.co.uk/work-with-us
Call: 01245 397 570
www.ddbsdata.co.uk
BEFORE
AFTER
In June 2011, I decided it was time to get the old me back, writes Claire
Ellis. Not only was I unhappy with the way I looked after having two children,
I had also been asked to be the Maid of Honour at my sister-in-laws
wedding and I was adamant I was NOT going to be ‘the fat bridesmaid’!
But I had absolutely no idea how I was going to achieve this.
Then a friend mentioned to me she had heard of something called DNA
Boot Camp and asked whether I wanted to go along with her for a FREE
TRIAL session? Initially, I was very apprehensive about it, partly because
of what I’d heard about Boot Camps and how it was very regimented and
hardcore, and I just wasn’t sure I would fit in. But my friend didn’t want to
go alone, so I agreed to go along anyway.
At our first session, we were greeted by a friendly group of people of all
shapes, sizes and abilities. I so enjoyed that first session that I really
couldn’t wait to do another and another and another; I was pretty much
hooked right from the off.
There are many things I find great and uplifting about Boot Camp; from
the incredibly friendly atmosphere and banter, the variety of the workouts
(no two sessions are ever the same, unlike going to the gym, which I used
to dread). The fact is, you never know what to expect next, which naturally
means you never get bored or complacent. What’s more, both the support
and encouragement the trainers give you is invaluable, especially if you
find a certain type of exercise difficult. They always seem to be able to
make things simpler for you if you’re struggling, but without compromising
the workout. And, in time, you find that you can gently work your way up
to achieving anything you want.
Before I knew it, I was soon attending two evening Boot Camp sessions a
week (there are morning sessions too) and today I regularly attend three
sessions a week as well as running in between classes.
If anyone had told me in back in June 2011 what I was going to achieve,
I honestly wouldn’t have believed them. When I look at myself in the
mirror today, I can actually see muscle definition (not to be confused with
bulky muscles) in places I never knew muscles even existed.
Although I was very happy with my new body shape - by the end of
October last year I had dropped 2 dress sizes - I had not actually lost that
much weight (even though I know that muscle weighs heavier than fat) so
felt I also needed to address this. After discussing the matter with a DNA
trainer, he asked me to list everything I ate and drank in a typical week.
This I did and at the same time I also had my measurements taken,
before being given my own personal nutrition plan (not a diet) to follow for
4 weeks.
And four weeks later, what do you know, I’d lost 8.4lbs (7.5 inches) and
also dropped another dress size!
Today I have all my old confidence back - and more - and feel great and
so very proud of myself. These days, instead of simply being a mummy,
I’m on a fast-track to becoming a Yummy Mummy too!
Contact Brett Bowen on 0773 447 0727
Page 12 The Edge 077 646 797 44

GOOD OLD PIE & MASH
Would you Adam & Eve it, Maldon's famous Pie, Mash & Eel house is under
new ownership.
The Edge popped down there the other week to have a butcher’s and was
mightily impressed.
This unique eatery is located down the High Street towards the cockney
mecca that is Promenade Park.
Keeping with the tradition of London's famous pie, mash & eel house's (as
endorsed by David Beckham, amongst others), the tiled walls and hanging
photographs of old East End scenes is an ideal setting in which to be served
your traditional mince pie with liquor and mash, all made freshly and baked
daily on the premises, served with jellied or stewed eels for the die hards!
Also included on their menu are a variety of 'normal' pies including Chicken &
Mushroom, once again all hand-made in the kitchen, which also serves up a
mean Wicks Manor bangers & mash, along with an extensive kid’s menu.
So, me ole China's, next time you’re in Maldon, why not take a look at this
fine establishment and pop in for some proper hearty East End nosebag.
And in case you need a little help with the lingo in there, log onto....
www.cockneyrhymingslang.co.uk afore you go!
Present this voucher to receive a
WASH, CUT
& BLOWDRY
all for
£22.00*
CALL (01245) 346348
Walk in appointments also available.
* Offer available Monday - Friday 10am - 4pm
* Offer valid until 31st May 2012
* One voucher per customer only
* This voucher not to be used in conjunction with any other
promotional offer
* Subject to availability / selected stylists
6 Rainsford Road, Chelmsford, CM1 2QD. Tel: 01245 346348
We are just 50 metres from the County Hotel. LATE NIGHTS: Wednesdays & Fridays
www.theedgemag.co.uk Page 13

When did you last treat yourself
to a full body massage?
BUY ONE
GET ONE
FREE
on Fish Pedicures
and Floatation
Therapy ’til
30/6/12
Group bookings and parties welcome!
Fish Pedicures
Floatation Therapy
plus Beauty & Massage Therapy
all under one roof in
Moulsham Street.
GIFT VOUCHERS
NOW AVAILABLE!
FLOATATION THERAPY
FISH PEDICURE
MASSAGE / FACIALS
WAXING
SPRAY TANNING
EYELASH/BROW TINTING
MANICURE / PEDICURE
GEL POLISH
Unbelievable Prices for
Women, Men & Children!
Single Treatments
or Package Deals
177 Moulsham Street, Chelmsford, CM2 0LD. www.blissfulsoul.co.uk
Tel: 01245 690 167
info@blissfulsoul.co.uk
‘LIVE’ ENTERTAINMENT ON SELECTED SATURDAY
EVENINGS - ’PHONE FOR DETAILS!
T H A N K Y O U
Costa Coffee in Backnang Square, Chelmsford, don’t have to
stock copies of The Edge every month for their customers
to read/take....but they do.
Costa are a massive corporation and rules are often set in stone
at an exceedingly high level as to what the shopfloor workers
on the ground both are and are not allowed to do.
Do you see what The Edge is really saying here, readers?
Costa Coffee - Thank You.
HAIR REHAB
IS NOW OPEN IN CHELMSFORD
RAILWAY ARCHES
With its dazzling backstage dressing
room style mirrors and urban
surroundings, from the moment you
enter Rehab Hair Studio, you will be
provided with an absolutely
phenomenal service.
Owners, world renowned master
hairstylist Zak Menderin and his
wife Naomi, have a combined 24
years in the hairdressing industry
and over the years their work has
appeared in fashion shows, photo
shoots and numerous national
glossy editorials.
Zak
Zak’s career began 18 years ago
at the great Vidal Sassoon salon in
London. He then furthered his
knowledge to then become a Senior
Art Director for many Toni & Guy
and Lee Stafford salons, before
travelling the world to look after the
hair of many ‘A’ list celebrities.
Zak specialises in precision cutting
and with his artistic vision and
impeccable attention to detail
enjoys working with clients to tailor
haircuts to their individual needs.
A true master of his craft, Zak
keeps up with all the latest hair
trends as they appear fresh on the
global scene.
Naomi
After working for numerous
Toni & Guy salons as a Style
Director, Naomi spent her last few
years working for independent
salons within the Essex region.
She merges stylish sophistication
with youthful vitality to produce a
trend-setting creation each and
every time she cuts.
Apart from cutting and colouring,
Naomi is known for her customised
human hair extensions and ultra
BIG blow dry’s!
Together, Zak and Naomi have now
dedicated their lives to the Rehab
Hair Studio in the railway arches in
Chelmsford to create the very best
of looks that will be unique to every
one of their individual clients.
Their handpicked talented stylists
will also positively amaze you with
their extensive knowledge of classic,
but trend setting, haircuts and
coloring.
On entering Rehab, each client will
be greeted and offered a variety of
beverages and snacks by the salon
manager. Then it’s a visit to the
‘Wash House’ which is a truly
innovative concept; it is actually a
private room where clients are
pampered with soft lights as they
are having their hair washed, whilst
they can also indulge in one of the
many ‘Out of Body Experience’ hair
treatments available. Then it’s a
matter of sitting back and watching
the big screen whilst having your
hair done, or alternatively you may
wish to check in with your latest
social media through Rehab’s
complimentary Wi-Fi.
The décor consists of an eclectic
mix of industrial vintage furniture,
Chesterfield sofa’s and modern
vintage lighting.
At Rehab, its all about rehabilitating
your hair and creating that individual
look....so why not stop by soon
and see what Rehab can do for
you?
Arch 22, Viaduct Road, Chelmsford,
CM1 1TS. Tel: (01245) 348787
Zak & Naomi
Page 14 The Edge 077 646 797 44

‘DEAL’
on 50
iPADs
Readers, are any of you interested
in buying a new iPad?
Would you like to save yourselves
a whole chunk of money?
Fancy a bit of a ‘deal’ for cash?
The Edge can get you one as it
recently came by 50 due to a
cancelled hospital contract cos of
government cutbacks.
Half-price. First come, first served.
The first happy buyer can be seen
(below) with his very own brand
new iPad, so you can see what
you’d be getting and that everything
is cushty and kosher.
For Christ’s Sake,
Let ’Arry Coach
England in the
EURO’s
Then we’d ALL be happy, right?
That way, ’Arry finds out whether
he’s like the job full-time or not. The
FA find out whether they’d like ’Arry
to have the job full-time or not.
The way The Edge sees it, everyone’s
a winner....apart from England
in the Euro’s....no matter who’s the
bloody manager.
You want this mag’s nomination?
Steve Coppell, on a minimum ten
year contract.
Forget all the farting and fannying
about and calling the England
coach a vegetable or ridiculing him
for trying to keep himself dry.
Appoint the right man (ha!) and stick
by the bugger.
And that means Steve Coppell,
even ahead of Arsene Wenger.
www.theedgemag.co.uk Page 15

LONDON SOUTHEND AIRPORT IS NOW OPEN!
London Southend Airport is finally taking off, with
EasyJet flying 70 departures each week to the likes
of Amsterdam, Alicante, Barcelona, Belfast, Faro,
Ibiza, Jersey, Malaga and Mallorca.
Passengers arriving at the airport have a simple
and speedy start to their journey from the new light,
modern and airy fly through terminal. It lies just
under 100 paces from the new railway station and
is connected by a wide, covered walkway.
The airport is targeting a security process with a
maximum four-minute waiting time. On arrival,
passengers with hand luggage only will be able to
process through to the train station platform in just
15 minutes from leaving their aircraft.
The new train station offers up to eight services per
hour both to and from London, a seamless link
between the airport and the Olympic Park at
Stratford in just 44 minutes, whilst central London
takes just 53 minutes.
London Southend is the only UK airport with a
direct mainline rail connection with the Olympic
Games at Stratford.
From May 10, a new daily route between London
Southend and Dublin will offer Essex & East
London travellers not only excellent access to
Ireland’s capital, but also transatlantic connections
to the USA.
Three daily return services to Dublin with Aer
Lingus Regional, operated by Aer Arann, will also
offer passengers an easy and cost effective way of
travelling to New York, Boston, Chicago and
Orlando.
With no other USA flights offered East of London,
this means no more long and congested journeys
to Heathrow or Gatwick. Passengers will also
benefit from the new US Customs & Immigrations
pre-clearance facilities at Dublin Airport that will
allow them to arrive in the US as domestic passengers,
saving huge amounts of time and stress after
a long haul flight
With Aer Arann already operating up to 10 flights
per week from London Southend to Waterford,
2012 is the year that London Southend Airport
really takes off - not only as a modern, efficient
regional airport, but also as a key player in the
regeneration of Essex.
Find out all the latest news and information
from London Southend Airport at
www.southendairport.com
“A Word About Lee”
Sometimes it’s worth reflecting on the
value of star performers in our business.
One of these is Lee McGoldrick.
Lee first joined The Home Partnership
five years ago and in that time, I can’t
count the number of occasions I have
noted his reliability, consistency and
dedication to his job - and indeed our
customers.
Lee is now our Residential Sales
Manager and our success in property
sales of late is in no small part due to
Lee’s skill, ability, proactivity, patience
and care.
It is often said that estate agency is more
about people than bricks and mortar and
this has always been our policy at The
Home Partnership. However, Lee is simply
‘a natural’ and his easy-going and
supportive approach puts people at ease
from day one. High on integrity and
performance, coupled with a sincere
desire to help people move and a rare
attention to detail - that’s a winning combination!
What’s more, his painstaking
“nothing is too much trouble” approach
means that we have continually delivered
the results our clients have come to
expect from an award winning agency.
Lee has been pivotal in helping us
achieve our aims both as a business and
as a leader in our industry, and any of our
clients who know him will surely agree
that he exemplifies the highest calibre of
professionalism, whilst delivering an
enjoyable, personable approach.
So, on behalf of our many happy clients,
the company - and me personally - I’d like
to say a very public thank you to Lee for
everything he means to us here at The
Home Partnership. Well done!
Joanne Williams, Director.
The Estate Agent
that works for
YOU!
www.thehomepartnership.co.uk
11 Duke Street, Chelmsford CM1 1HL
Telephone: 01245 250222
Page 16 The Edge 077 646 797 44

YOUR
&
letters
emails
KNICKERS
Dear Edge,
Here’s a photo of my 9 month old
grandson (left), captured by his
Dad in the bra & knickers section
of our local Sainsbury’s supermarket,
whilst Mum was trying on
some post maternity underwear.
My question is, does he take after
his father, or his grandfather?
Regards,
Hugh Watt.
Probably both of you! E.E.
to theedge!
CHELMSFORD, CM2 6XD.
shaun@theedgemag.co.uk
PARKING FINE
Hi Shaun,
I just thought I'd email to let you
know that you shouldn't pay your
'parking ticket' from the Riverside
Retail Park! (Someone else has
probably already emailed to tell
you this, but in case they haven't..).
You need to do some reading
online to get your head around it,
but basically parking on private
land is governed by contract law
and they have to prove a lot of
things before they can successfully
take you to court to make you pay
(which very rarely/never happens)
and then it would only be for the
lost revenue.
Their usual modus operandi is to
send an invoice and/or official looking
(threatening) letter to scare you
into paying. If you just ignore them
they will go away.
Read this for the legal jargon which
shows they would need to overcome
a lot of obstacles to
successfully take you to court:
http://forums.pepipoo.com/index.ph
p?showtopic=46975
And read this for some 'plain english'
advice:
http://www.moneysavingexpert.com
/reclaim/private-parking-tickets
which I believe also includes
advice on reclaiming monies if you
have already coughed up.
This forum thread details the
stages of letters you can expect if
you do ignore their threatening
letters (which you should):
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.co
m/showthread.php?t=2214803
That thread comes from the forum
covering Private Parking Tickets
which may be of use if you have
issues:
http://forums.moneysavingexpert.co
m/forumdisplay.php?f=163
(as may the Pepipoo forum linked
to above).
However, I imagine that you've
already paid, as so many people
do, but at least you'll know for next
time.
It may all change soon though, as
Government is proposing to allow
easier enforcement of private parking
regulations:
http://www.publications.parlia-
ment.uk/pa/bills/cbill/2010-
2011/0146/cbill_2010-
20110146_en_20.htm (starts at
section 56) which is nicely summarised
in the comments at the
bottom of this page:
http://www.echonews.co.uk/news/8
888532.South_Essex_MPs_back_c
lamping_law_change/
....but it's not law yet!
Hope this helps!
Paul.
Seems like I’ve been proper
‘stitched up’ then!
E.E.
BASILDON
Dear Large,
What Basildon people do when it
snows (see below).
Quality!
The natives down there are just
like it says on the tin.
Regards,
Purchase.
Nice one. I honestly think it’s a
nice classy touch. Chelmsford
surely needs such a sign (and
complimentary snowman). E.E.
SAVING FUEL
Regarding your scooter article
(March Edge), you ought to check
out Scooter Central in Braintree.
I got myself a Tamoretti retro 125cc
there last May for £955 and have
been pocketing the weekly difference
in saved fuel between that
and my car.
So far I have saved a tidy sum of
£1,070 which should be up to
£3,000 by the end of this year.
Lovely!
Anonymous text message
sent to The Edge.
That’s not my main reason for
wanting to buy a scooter this
Spring, but it’s definitely a
sound bi-product of owning one.
With all 10,000 copies of The
Edge mag now regularly being
snapped up in the very first
week after being made available
to Chelmsford’s sporting Joe
Public, that now means there’s
3 weeks in every month when I
could be pootering around to
appointments without it being
necessary to take the motor
(and lug heavy boxes about).
So yeah, to save money on
otherwise extortionate fuel costs
certainly seems to be a step in
the right direction to me.
Then there’s the fact you can
park scooters easily and for free,
and you rarely get held up in a
tailback whilst on two wheels
either (particularly approaching
the Army & Navy roundabout
along Princes Road in ‘rush
hour’ which has become a
proper bloody nightmare.
So yeah, I honestly can’t wait to
get one on two wheels. E.E.
Page 18 The Edge 077 646 797 44

theEDGE
DVD
review
THE INBETWEENERS MOVIE
Quite simply, if you liked The Inbetweeners on the tele (and The Edge has
followed them ever since the very first episode), you’ll like The Inbetweeners
in this movie version because it’s literally just more of the same, only on
a bigger screen (when it was released).....and they’re on holiday.
The Edge absolutely loves these guys. Will McKenzie (Simon Bird) is the
posh, techie, swatty, four-eyed one. Then there’s Simon Cooper (Joe
Thomas - in the yellow shirt - who your editor actually ever-so-briefly met in
The Wheatsheaf in Writtle, of all places, a Christmas or two ago), layabout
Jay Cartwright (James Buckley) in the red England shirt, and last but by no
means least, lanky Neil Sutherland (played by Blake Harrison, and what a
movie star’s name he’s got).
After finishing their ‘A’ levels the lads go on holiday to Malia on the Greek
island of Crete and end up staying in the scankiest lodgings in town.
Straight off they meet 4 unlikely lasses in the resort’s emptiest bar on their
very first night out on the pull and it all sort of goes on from there.
To be honest, the plot’s immaterial, but Neil’s dancing is fantastic, as is his
penchant for pulling ‘older donkeys’ (sorry, ladies).
Everything leads up to a Boat Party on the final night of their hols and it’s all
good, fun stuff, but I do wish it had gone on for an extra 15 minutes.
And now what?
The Inbetweeners began back in 2008. They’ve successfully completed
three series. The boys are now all leaving Rudge Park Comprehensive.
It appears Will and Simon are going on to Uni, but what does life hold in
store for Jay and Neil? Can another series (or three) be created?
Hopefully, of course they can.
Here’s hoping at any rate.
P.S. Watch out for Mr. Gilbert, Head of Sixth Form, at both the start and the
end of this movie. He plays an absolute blinder.
All DVD’s hired from Blockbuster on Springfield Road.
Tel. Chelmsford 269767
Friendship
Friendship between women:
If a woman doesn't come home one night and the next day tells her
husband she slept at a friend’s house, the
husband will immediately call his wife's 10 best friends, all of
whom will vouch that she never slept at their house.
Friendship between men:
If a man doesn't come home one night and the next day tells his
wife he slept at a friend’s house, the wife will immediately call her
husband’s 10 best friends, 8 of whom will confirm that he did
indeed sleep over on their sofa, whilst the other 2 will swear blind
he’s still there!
MOVIE
Lavenham . . . of all places!
The Edge has always thought of Lavenham in Suffolk as a typically quintessential
medieval English village of a bygone era....until one of its readers sent in the
photograph above.
And they’re not wrong either, unfortunately. GASH is in the Market Place and sells
high quality knitwear in both lambswool and silk, as well as a distinguished range
of linen clothes.
Well I never. Fancy being a portrayer of both filth and smut, when all you really do
is sell cardigans.
Someone ought to report Elizabeth Gash to trade descriptions. I mean, fancy
going all the way to Lavenham to ‘feed a horse’ and returning with but a pully.
£3495.00
Bathrooms, Ensuites, Cloakrooms, Wetrooms, Shower rooms
Building work, Heating, Plumbing, Electrics, Tiles,
Flooring, Carpentry,
Ideal Standard, NoCode, Aqualisa Hi-Qu, Bette, Kaldewei,
£3495.00
Building work, Granite, Lighting, Tiles, Flooring
Appliances, Sinks and taps, Electrics, Wood worktops
K Kitchens, Made to measure kitchens, Granite,
Solid wood worktops, Franke sink and taps,
Abode, Appliances
£3995.00
£5995.00
Family run business
122 Byron road
Essex CM2 6HJ
Tel : 01245 269778
Bathtub
Bathrooms and Kitchens
1A Edward Bright Close
Maldon
Essex CM9 5RU
Tel : 01621 859966
The Edge 01245 348256 Page 19

ONLY
JOKING!
Nothing Happened
Old people have problems that you perhaps
haven't even considered yet. For instance, an
85-year-old man was requested by his doctor
for a sperm count as part of his physical examination.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
“Take this jar home and bring back a semen
sample tomorrow.” So the next day, the 85-yearold
man reappeared at his doctor's surgery and
gave the doctor his jar back, which was as
clean and empty as it had been the previous
day. The doctor asked what happened and the
man explained, “Well, Doc, it's like this. First I
tried with my right hand, but nothing happened.
Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing
happened. Then I asked my wife for help. She
tried with her right hand, then with her left hand,
but still nothing happened. So then she tried
with her mouth; first with the teeth in, then with
her teeth out, but still nothing happened. Then
we even called on Eileen, our next door neighbour,
and she tried too, first with both hands,
then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it
between her knees, but still nothing happened.”
The doctor was shocked to say the very least.
“You asked your neighbour?”, he said with disbelief.
The old man replied, “Yep. But none of
us could get the jar open.”
Why?
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
Birth Date
I was telling the new barmaid in my local about
my uncanny ability to guess what day a woman
was born, simply by feeling her breasts.
"Really?" she said. "Go on then, see if you can
guess my birthday?"
After about 30 seconds of fondling her breasts
she began to lose patience.
"Come on," she demanded, "what day was I
born?"
I said, "Fookin’ yesterday, love."
Tic Tac
As I stepped out of the shower, my wife laughed
and said that my penis looked just like a tic tac.
I replied, "If that's the case, why does your sister
still have bad breath?"
That soon wiped the smile off her face.
St. Valentine’s Day
I booked a table for me and the missus as it
was St. Valentine's Day, but it all ended in tears.
She's crap at snooker.
Lotto Ticket
One day, the wife came home with a spectacular
diamond ring on her finger.
"Where did you get that ring?" I asked.
"Well,” she replied, "my boss and I played the
Lotto at work and we won, so I bought it with my
share of the winnings."
A week later, she only comes home wearing a
long fur coat, doesn’t she.
So I said, “Where did you get that coat?"
She replied, "Well, would you believe that me
and my boss won again on the Lotto, so I
bought it with my share of the winnings."
Another week goes by and this time the missus
turns into our driveway in a brand new flame red
Ferrari. Yeah, you guessed it, with her share of
yet another Lotto victory.
That same night, she asked me to run her a
nice warm bath while she got undressed. When
she entered the bathroom, she immediately
started moaning and said there was barely
enough water in the bath to cover the plughole.
So I quipped, “Well, you don't want to get your
Lotto ticket wet, do you?"
Ungodly Hour
Our ’phone rang at three in the morning the
other night. The wife was spooked and said,
“Christ Almighty! Who’s that ringing at this
ungodly hour?"
I said to her, “I wouldn’t need to answer it if I
bloody well knew that, would I?"
School Bags
A mate of mine’s got twins and he fell in love
with their school bags. Now he's bisatchel.
Seal
A seal walks into a club...
Coast
I went to see my doctor the other day and he
said, “You should take a trip to the coast. The
sea air’s great for the flu.” So I took his advice
and do you know what, he was damn right. I
was in bed all of the following week with the
worst flu I’ve ever had.
Vengeance
My therapist reckons I’ve got a preoccupation
with vengeance. Well, we'll see about that then,
won’t we?
River Walk
Two Irishmen were walking on opposite sides of
the river with no bridge in sight anywhere.
So Mick shouts, “Hey, Paddy. How do I get over
to the other side?”
Paddy shouts back, “You’re already on the other
side, y’daft eedyt.”
Passport Control
A tourist at Charles de Gaulle Airport was asked
by Passport Control, “What is your nationality?”
“German,” he responded.
The officer then asked, “Occupation?”
To which the Kraut replied, “No. Just visiting.”
Mexican Maid
A Mexican Maid asked for a pay increase. Well,
the lady of the house was very upset by that so
decided to discuss the matter with her.
She asked, “Now Maria, why do you want a pay
increase?”
Maria: “Well, Senora, there are tree reasons
why I wanna increase. Firstly, I iron better than
you do.”
“Says who?” says the lady of the house.
Maria: “Your husban’, he say so.”
Wife: “Oh really?”
Maria: “Secondly, I am better cook than you.”
Wife: “Says who?”
Maria: “Your husban’ again.”
Wife (increasingly agitated now): Oh he did, did
he?”
Maria: “And turdly, I am better at sex than you.”
Wife (really livid now): “So my dirty rotten
scoundrel of a husband told you that as well, did
he?”
Maria: “No, Senora. Gardener did.”
Wife: (Ahem) “I see. How much of a raise were
you looking for exactly, Maria?
Happy & Sad
A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV
programme about psychology which was busy
explaining the phenomenon of ‘mixed emotions’.
During an interval, the husband turned to his
wife and said, “That is such an absolute crock of
shit. I bet you can’t tell me anything at all that
will make me both happy and sad at the exact
same time?”
His wife thought for as moment, before blurting,
“Out of all your mates, you’ve got the biggest
cock.”
Gay Friend
I asked a gay friend (no, not you, another one)
what’s the best way to remove a condom?
Do you know what he said? Do you know what
his one word answer was?
“Fart.”
Yorkshire Farmer
A farmer in Yorkshire sees a bloke drinking from
his stream in the distance and shouts, "Ey up,
cock. Tha' dunt want to be drinkin’ watta outta
theer. It's full o’ hoss piss, sheep shit an’ cow
dung.”
The fellow stops, looks up and shouts back, "Sir,
I am being from Pakistan, so can you please be
speaking more clearly and slowly please?"
So the farmer cups his hands to his mouth and
replies, "IF....THEE.... USES.... TWO.... ’ANDS...
...THEE....WON’T.... SPILL....A....DROP."
Now then, readers, I unfortunately had to
think about whether you’d have the stomach
for this last joke, on the grounds that it
might be an ickle bit racial and what have
you. But hailing, as I do, from Yorkshire
(“Tha’ can alus tell a Yorkshireman, but tha
can’t tell ’im much” - love it!), I spent numerous
occasions in Bradford, where I naturally
stood out, due to my light skin tone, so I’m
going to allow it as I happen to think the egg
yoke’s on the stereotypical Yorkshireman
who hates ought that’s not born and bred in
either Leeds, Harrogate, Sheffield, Barnsley
or bloody Dewsbury!
E.E.
All jokes published are supplied by Edge readers. Please send your ‘egg yokes’ to shaun@theedgemag.co.uk

Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Trans,
Alternative Dresser?
Confused? Lonely?
Looking for a night out with
like minded people?
If so, then Club Alternative is the
place for you. At Club Alterative,
they aim to provide a safe haven
for all those who like a colourful
and fun filled night out where you
can be yourself without fear of
embarrassment or ridicule.
Their venue has a licensed, cosy
chill-out lounge bar with food
available at very reasonable prices.
There’s also a large, separate
disco hall for those who like to hit
the dance floor!
you are.
Release your inner beauty and join
the gang at Club Alternative where
‘there are no strangers......only
friends you’ve yet to meet’.
For further event details please
visit www.clubalternative.org.uk
Or telephone 07709 162 682
The venue also offers changing
facilities for those who may like to
get changed on site. This is particularly
welcomed by fetish dressers
and cross-dressers alike who regularly
attend on a monthly basis.
However, although fetish dressers
are most welcome, please understand
that there is a strict ‘no play’
and ‘no nudity’ policy.
At Club Alternative, sexuality and
gender holds no bars, so feel free
to express your diversity whoever
www.theedgemag.co.uk Page 21

173 Moulsham Street, Chelmsford, Essex, CM2 0LD
01245 357107
sales@jamesdancemusic.com
www.jamesdacemusic.com
Specialists in New and Quality Used Muscial Insturments
Guitars, Orchestral String, Woodwind, Brass, Keyboard & Precussion
Page 22
Instrument Accessories
Sheet Music &
Examination books
& Expert Repair Service
Instrument, PA & AMP Hire
Opening Times: 10.00 - 5.30 Mon - Sat
Edge reader Steve Austin & his
missus at the Chelmsford
Odeon.
Find us on...
Music Matters
Nowadays, walking into a music shop
can feel like entering a
supermarket, what with countless
departments and members of staff so
busy they seem to have forgotten their
target audience - the musician.
But James Dace Music, with its new
shop in Moulsham Street, has captured
the authenticity of a
traditional music shop perfectly, whilst
staying completely up to date with all the
latest musical equipment. They specialise
in a wide range of well known
branded musical instruments, accessories,
sheet music and books, and offer
sound professional advice with quality
service guaranteed.
Since launching in September 2011,
JDM have happily and successfully met
the requirements of the entry level musician,
intermediate, teacher, school, college
and professional performer. Their
collection of
guitars, orchestral string, woodwind,
brass, keyboards and amps are most
desirable, along with their wide range of
accessories catering to all instruments
across the board.
When it comes to sheet music and
books, JDM offer a highly diverse selection,
ranging from Classical, Blues,
Rock, Pop, Jazz, and Folk to World
Music, Musicals, Opera and educational
publications such as examination books
and papers, and theory tutors for beginners
to advanced. So if you are searching
for a single piece of sheet music of
any genre, their in-house sheet music
download facility stores a massive
40,000 titles which can be transposed to
any key or any instrument arrangement
and handed to the customer within
minutes.
Other great services that JDM
provide include their Ebay store, selling
quality second hand
instruments, along with their next day
mail order delivery on all
products from the main store.
Families and students reluctant to spend
lots of money on a new instrument can
also take advantage of their short to
long term instrument hire scheme, which
proves to be far more cost effective in
comparison to school hire.
For the Solo performer, Band, DJ or
venue requesting pro music equipment,
the PA and Guitar Amp Hire is very popular
and extremely
competitively priced.And iIf you want
tuition in guitar, piano, woodwind instruments,
vocal coaching or assistance
with GCSE coursework, their in-house
music lessons take place from Monday
to Saturday from 6pm onwards and are
conducted by professional and qualified
teachers.
Finally, JDM’s highly recognised, in
house instrument repair service delivers
quality and dedicated workmanship specialising
in guitar and stringed instrument
set ups to woodwind and brass
maintenance. This, along with the many
other great services, makes James
Dace Music an absolute life saver to any
musician in Essex.
SIBERIAN TEMPERATURES
at CHELMSFORD ODEON
Dear Editor,
My wife and I recently chanced our arms once again by returning to the
Chelmsford Odeon for a matinee performance of ‘War Horse’, as featured
in this publication last month. Being a fairly long film, we knew that if the
Siberian temperatures in the screening room were similar to those of our
previous visits, then we would both indeed be in for an epic struggle.
Despite pre-show assurances from the Odeon manager that all of their
theatres are checked for a ‘comfortable temperature’, the pair of us came
out feeling absolutely freezing. In fact, we might as well have been in the
trenches ourselves!
I wonder have any other readers had similar experiences at Chelmsford’s
one and only cinema?
A few of my pals now go up to Cineworld at Freeport (Braintree) instead,
where you can apparently sit in comfort without the need for thermal
underwear, a pair of gloves, scarf, wooly hat and a hip flask.
Bring back the Regent and the Select is what I say, although now I really
am showing my age!
Regards,
'Stone Cold' Steve Austin
(yes, that really is my name!)
Well, sir, the very top brass (and I mean those in the highest reaches,
as opposed to the troops on the ground) at the Chelmsford Odeon
don’t particularly approve of The Edge, on account of me ‘writing a
very truthful synopsis’ of an ‘experience’ I encountered there many
moons ago, and as much as I despise such an attitude and will
happily take any opportunity offered to rattle their cages, unfortunately
no, sir, I cannot say I have ever caught frostbite in there,
despite also seeing a matinee performance of ‘War Horse’ in there
recently. But as Billy Connolly says, “There’s no such thing as the
wrong temperature.....only the wrong clothes.”
E.E.
www.theedgemag.co.uk

I
n January 2011, a team was created by
Dance & Cheer 49 (DC49) made up of a
group of 14 aspiring dancers from The
Boswells School, Chelmsford, of mixed
ages, abilities and backgrounds. Primarily,
the aim was to train in the style of ‘Lyrical
Jazz’ in order to increase their versatility as
dancers and enter small competitions
throughout the UK. Yet within just a few
weeks and under 10 hours of training, a twoand-a-half
minute routine entitled ‘The Rose’
was created and ready to be performed at
the ‘ICC Southern Regional Competition’.
This routine was warmly received by all of
the spectators and judges alike and the
team managed to gain 2nd place in their
very first competition.
After further training, the routine was entered
into the ‘Future Cheer International Cheer &
Dance Competition’ and amazingly, it was
here that they were rewarded with the prize
that every dancer can only dream about -
the chance to compete at the World Dance
Championships in Orlando, Florida.
In addition, the dancers have been asked to
compete at the 'ICU World Championships'
also held in Orlando. This event is Olympic
themed in which just one team from each
country competes in the hope of winning a
Gold, Silver or Bronze medal.
These competitions, which run during 24th April -
2nd May 2012, involve dance teams from all over
the world, yet this is the very first time these
Boswells School dancers have ever been invited
to anything even remotely at this level and something
they never imagined would happen after
such a small amount of training and experience in
this particular dance style. That’s why the dancers
are currently undergoing intense training sessions
in order to be able to proudly represent the UK at
Chelmsford Dancers
to represent UK
such a very high level and are dedicating each
and every hour to ensuring they improve and
progress.
Now For The Ugly Bit: Undertaking a trip of this
nature obviously has huge financial implications,
so the dancers and their parents have been
organising endless events and activities in order
to raise sufficient funds. So far they have managed
to raise just over £4,000 and although they
are very proud of what they have achieved, the
financial impediments mean that
they are still a long way short of
their ultimate target. To cover
their flights, transfers, hotel
accommodation, minibus hire,
entrance fees, kit and use of
training facilities whilst over
there, they are going to need
approximately £1,050 per
dancer. Unfortunately, to date,
they have been turned down by
a large amount of
funders due to this prestigious
event being held overseas.
Teenagers continually receive
bad press, but these dancers
are working so incredibly hard.
They train endlessly, they all
help each other out and they are
all growing up to be happy,
healthy, disciplined and positive
individuals with real determination.
Surely this attitude and
behaviour is something that
ought to be both rewarded and
encouraged?
Some of the dancers have never
even travelled abroad before, so
not only is this an experience of
a lifetime, it is also incredibly
educational, as well as being a
truly fantastic challenge.
This dedicated team of young dancers are still
looking for sponsorship and donations that will
help them raise enough money to fund their trip.
If anyone is interested in sponsoring or giving
donations to the team, please contact Jane Dixon-
Hodge on 0772 556 8628
Written by Matthew Jones and Jane Dixon-Hodge
its that t time again!
ROSE AND CROWN
WRITTLE
BEER
FESTIVAL
57 The Green, Writtle, Chelmsford, Essex. CM1 3DT
Tel: 01245 420066 - Email: rose.crownwrittle@btinternet.com
om
www.roseandcrownwrittle.co.uk
co.uk
Rose and Crown
Public House : Restaurant : Function Room
EASTER BEER FESTIVAL
IS BACK
Easter weekend April 6th - 9th
Over 50 real ales, cider and perry
LIVE MUSIC EACH EVENING
(Friday, Saturday & Sunday)
UP AND COMING EVENTS
19th April - Open Mic Night
26th May - Working Progress Band
Function room available for hire
Homemade Food Served Daily
shaun@theedgemag.co.uk Page 23

I’M Spartacus!
How many of you good readers are
still tuned into the Spartacus trilogy?
At first, I thought it was just your
editor and Edge colonist Kingpin that
tuned in, but now even he’s abandoned
ship.
To be honest, I don’t even know what
channel it’s on (the wife records it)
and this third series is sadly proving
to be not a patch on the other two.
However, I was watching it the other
way of one of me new builds, or constructing
one of me high falutin barn
conversions out in the country. Then
there’s all that make-up to slap on
and all those lines to learn.”
But wouldn’t you rather be performing
Viva Bianca and JP in a scene
from Spartacus: Vengeance
night when it suddenly dawned on
me what an uncanny resemblance
there is between Gauss Claudius
Glazer (NZ actor Craig Parker, 41,
pictured below, who also played The
part of Haldir of Lorien in The Lord of
the Rings trilogy, so they tell me) and
Chelmsford builder ‘Johnny Boy’
Price of Price Construction.
Come on, readers - they could
almost be brothers, right?
“I’ve done a bit of acting, as it happens
(sniff),” says JP, in an exclusive
interview with The Edge over a
builders brew (that’s anything with
three sugars in it - yep, even in a
cup-o-soup), “but it right gets in the
Is this John Price the builder, or
Craig Parker the NZ actor?
sexy Roman orgy scenes with a
scantily clad Viva Bianca (28) than
being pebble-dashed in Pitsea, The
Edge wanted to know?
“Listen,” says John, “....workin’ on
site from mornin’ ’til night, that’s livin’
alright (that’s livin’ alright), then a pint
with the boys in a bar full of noise,
that’s livin’ alright (that’s livin’
alright)....”
So you wouldn’t trade places with
your alter ego Craig Parker then?
“Don’t get me wrong, Craig’s a good
lad and acting’s not necessarily just
for sissies, but it‘s a builders life for
me. Hey, make sure there’s three
sugars in that, please, love!”
contact Jacqueline on
07583 629 493
EDGE
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£30
per 1hr
session
PRICE CONSTRUCTION
Unit 13, Chamberlains Farm, Sporeham Lane, Sandon,
Chelmsford, Essex. CM3 4AJ
T 01245 478 326
M 07818 422 756
E info@priceconstruction.co.uk
www.priceconstruction.co.uk
PLANNING YOUR OWN GRAND
DESIGN?
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Will the REAL John Price PLEASE STAND UP?
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Page 24 The Edge 01245 348256

Circular Strength Training
Local (but Russian) girl Natalie has been practicing the Circular Strength
Training (CST) system for about a year and is “well impressed”, so
here’s a run down of its benefits:-
CST was put together by Scott Sonnon, one of the world's top martial artists,
as a way to achieve peak performance free of injury.
The underlying idea is to look at the human body as a whole.
The system aims to free up and strengthen all possible movement patterns
that the human body is designed to access (up/down, side to side,
forward/back and rotation around each axis/direction). Training of the rotation
patterns is the main feature, which distinguishes CST from conventional gym
workouts with either machines of free weights, such as dumbbells or barbells.
The form of free weight tool used in CST is a clubbell, which looks a bit like a
baseball bat. The use of it relies purely on muscular strength as there is no
‘handle’ to rest on the bone and joint structure, like a dumbbell or a kettlebell.
The movements happen more or less 360 degrees around the joints and the
strength gains occur in the weakest areas first - hand, wrist, rotator cuff - so
that annoying, all too common nagging injuries, are prevented.
The comprehensive joint mobilisation warm up and compensatory
movements after the the main workout also
have a major role to play in injury prevention.
“I work as a personal trainer and most people in my
practice turn to exercise with the main overriding goal of
losing weight and obtaining a trimmer body shape.
One of the pleasant side effects of practicing CST is a
more athletic, slimmer shape. Workouts are designed in
a way where intensive work over 20-30 minutes (plus
warm up and cool down) achieves adjustment in the rate
the body burns fat over the next 48 hours (i.e. well after
the exercise session has finished).”
CST movements are multi-joint exercises involving practically
all muscle groups, making them very efficient for
weight loss.
“As your fitness levels improve, the sophistication of movements will
increase, resulting in better coordination and a varied fun routine.”
Your cardio-health will also improve (without pounding the pavement or a
treadmill for hours) - you only need to see someone puffing after a good
CST workout for proof of that!
Another reason to work with a CST instructor is they would never ask you to
go where they haven’t been themselves. Certification involves a very tough
fitness test called ‘trial by fire’ where one must demonstrate perfect technique
with a set weight against the clock.
“I am pleased to say that I am the only girl in Essex who has managed it so
far and I would be happy to teach you locally,” says Natalie. “I am also happy
to answer any questions and/or arrange for a demo.
cst-essex@live.co.uk or 07963 557 049
Natalie
shaun@theedgemag.co.uk Page 25

HIGH FINANCE
We’re all painfully aware of the
financial quagmire our country is
mired in and, thanks to a couple of
mentions in this very publication
and, possibly, Jeremy Clarkson,
you’re probably aware that the public
sector is bearing the brunt of
central government’s cutbacks and
austerity measures.
ME & MY adamantium
skeleton
It’s only April, giving us a full 8
months until December, and yet I’m
already sick to the back teeth of
knob-jockeys rattling on about
December 2012, the Mayan calendar
and the ‘end of the world’.
Let’s clear one thing up straight
away. If you give any credence at all
to this absolute tosh then you are, in
scientific terms, ‘a f ing idiot’.
***
Yes, I know some of you probably
do believe it, and if you do, then
yes, my last sentence was aimed
squarely at you. Please stop reading
this article now before the
incoming barrage of common sense
makes your nose bleed.
Unavailable for comment due to
his ‘shooting’ schedule
You’re also surely aware, unless
you’ve been living under a rock or
you’re an idiot, that the financial
situation of our European cousins is
even more dire. But don’t worry, I’m
not about to launch into a tired diatribe
about the reasons behind it or
our plans to get out of it as that poor
horse has definitely been flogged
enough times.
What I want to bring to your attention
is some of what is occurring on
the continent that you might not
have heard about. We all know
about the massive cutbacks and
resulting riots in Greece, as the
birthplace of democracy drowns in a
tsunami of public rage, kebabs and
tzatziki, but you’re probably not
aware of what the Spanish are up
to.
I’ve tried to look on the bright side
of this financial meltdown where I
can. It’s only when we’re faced with
huge problems like this that humanity
really starts to think outside the
box, to look at the way we’ve
always done things and finally question
their validity. I’m not naive
enough to think that there’ll be a
global epiphany and we’ll all agree
that perhaps a financial system
based solely on the merits of greed
is really a good idea, but I’m hoping
we’ll see some radical ideas being
floated that will make us stop and
think, or at least do a double take.
Luckily, the Spanish seem to be
making a good start. Judging by
some of the things I’ve read, we’ve
got it easy over here. Spare a
thought for the town of Moia in
Catalonia, whose public services
are so debt ridden they’ve
announced they can’t afford to bury
their dead anymore.
OK, so I’ve had to put up with a pay
freeze for the last few years, but at
least I’m not tripping over corpses
on the way to work. No, I don’t do
that until I’m actually in the office
(boom-boom!)
Page 26
You can spot public sector staff
a mile off
It’s not all doom and gloom and rotting
cadavers though, as those wily
Spaniards have managed to come
up with a few ways to stave off
financial disaster. The small town of
Sodeto decided to pool their
resources and enter the huge
Spanish lottery ‘El Gordo’. This
basically translates to ‘The Fat
One’, so you immediately know it’s
good. I don’t know why Camelot
didn’t come up with something like
that, but then again, they did originally
have Eamonn Holmes presenting
the shenanigans.
The 250 cash strapped residents of
Sodeto actually won ‘El Gordo’,
sharing a prize of around £600 million,
which apparently caused the
rapturous farmers to ‘tear’ around
the town on their tractors, and nothing
gladdens the heart more than
seeing screaming middle aged men
doing doughnuts on tractors.
We can’t all be that lucky though, so
The Mayor of Rasquera, about to
shizzle his nizzle. Or something.
The Kingmeister reports
the town of Rasquera really has
come up with an innovative idea to
raise some much needed cash.
The local council of Rasquera have
agreed to rent out land for local
businessmen to grow marijuana on,
a move stunning in both its simplicity
and how much it’s sure to piss a
whole load of idiots off.
I’ve spoken before about how we
should stop being so bloody stupid
and legalise drugs, so it’s refreshing
to see a public body - that isn’t in
Holland - putting aside their kneejerk
moral reactivism and actually
looking at the idea in the cold harsh
light of day.
Granted, I doubt this proposition
would have got off the ground without
the appalling economic mess
they’re in, but this is what I mean
about radical, ‘outside the box’ solutions
coming into play.
Will it work? Almost without a doubt.
Not only will they be getting money
from the land rental, but they’ve
effectively cut local organised crime
off at the knees, saving yet more
public money because the police
aren’t wasting their time chasing
people growing pot.
While I may be making a trifle light
of matters here, I genuinely do hope
to see more of this sort of thing
going on. More people in and out of
authority challenging our usual ways
of thinking and proposing the outrageous
and unexpected. While we
won’t be seeing the death of capitalism
anytime soon, if the mess we’re
in actually makes us put the brakes
on being so greedy and wasteful,
then, maybe, just maybe, it will have
actually been worth it.
DOOMSDAY
(FOR IDIOTS)
Obviously he’s a trustworthy
source of information
For those of you who don’t know,
the Mayan ‘long count’ is an
extremely well thought out and
accurate calendar. Spanning several
thousands of years, it ends on (supposedly)
December 12th 2012.
Obviously the logical assumption is
that if the calendar of an ancient
mesoamerican people ends, then
naturally the entire world is going to
end.
This hypothesis is unfortunately
called into question by the small fact
that the Mayans never, not once,
mentioned anywhere, ever, that the
world was going to end on this date.
This is what we in the trade of reason
and common sense call a ‘fact’
(look it up) and should really put the
stupid idea to bed right now.
In case it doesn’t though, I give you
Julius Ceasar, inventor of the leap
year in 45BC. The inception of the
leap year has actually slowed down
the passage of time with the addition
of the extra day in February
every 4 years. Without leap years
(which the Mayan calendar has no
idea about), it’s actually already
2013, meaning the world should
have ended some time last year.
Nope, I didn’t notice it either.
Still, if you’re really dead set on the
world coming to an end on
December 12th this year, then drop
me a line and give me your bank
details, please.
www.theedgemag.co.uk

HAPPYEASTER
from
UNCLE EDGE
KIDS!
Yep, it’s a dog eating a Bunny
Wabbit alright....there’s no mistake
about that. And best of all, kids,
Rover said, “Ruff, ruff, ruff!” which
in doggy language means it tasted
ooooooh so good, all that meat
and blood and gore and stuff.
Come to think about it, surely that
ought to be the true meaning of
Easter? The proper message?
From your butcher, that is:
EAT MORE WABBITS!
Because we don’t, do we? Yet
they’re such a stupid little creature
that maybe we ought to just....
EAT ’EM?
Kids should be shocked and
scared out of their wits at Easter!
City Status
Hi Shaun,
So what is The Edge’s take on
Chelmsford’s city status? Will it
make any difference to the man in
the street? Will local amenities
improve? Will our house prices
double overnight? Will our Council
Tax double instead? Will our council
now get better funding to stop
our roads looking like pock-marked
teenagers faces?
Hopefully it can only be a good
thing for the great place in which
we live.
I have to say, when people (especially
foreign people) used to ask
about where I lived, I always used
to mention that Chelmsford was
the only town in England that had
a Cathedral, only now I won’t be
able to drop that little nugget of
gold into the conversation anymore,
so maybe you can suggest
an alternative gem of information
(I had heard rumours that
Chelmsford has the busiest two
platform station in the country?).
Still really love the mag. I seem to
have noticed it’s now available in a
lot more locations than it used to
be, although possibly I might be
just imagining that.
Best regards,
Stuart Raven
Marketing Director
Chelmsford
S’gotta be the comical rickety
‘fairground attraction’ (Big
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The Edge 01245 348256 Page 27

FIFTY...NOT OUT
by Steve Ward
Decline and Fall
Boris Johnson. Now there’s a name to
conjure with. He’s one of those people
who has a whole army of haters, yet
somehow manages to float above it all
with his amiable and eccentric persona.
He could have come straight out of the
pages of a PG Wodehouse novel as the
daft uncle. The whole buffoon thing is
almost certainly an act though, because if
you catch sight and sound of him in a
more serious moment, he’s clearly got a
very sharp mind. That act hasn’t done him
any harm at all though in his inexorable
rise up the various ladders he climbs -
journalist, politician, TV personality.
Anyway, all that is by way of introduction
to some thoughts about the getting old,
and the birth of a wonderful new phrase
to accompany the process. We’ve got
another diversion to go round first though.
Boris, or BoJo as certain people have
dubbed him, got himself into trouble a few
years ago for writing that the inhabitants
of the city of Liverpool liked to wallow in
misery. He added that they seemed to
actually encourage and enjoy anything
that allowed themselves to be portrayed
as victims. And if that sense of victimisation
put them at odds with the rest of the
country, even better. There was nothing
they liked more than a touch of onedownsmanship
As contemporary evidence of what Boris
was getting at, witness the recent furore
over Luis Suarez’s racist remarks to
Patrice Evra. The incomprehensible
Scotsman, King Kenny Dalglish, stirred
the pot by refusing to apologise, sticking
by his man and invoking the old ‘everyone
hates us’ attitude to which Boris had
referred a decade earlier. At least,
Dalglish refused to say sorry until the
American owners of Liverpool Football
Club wrote an apology for him. You just
knew it wasn’t all his own work because it
was in coherent English and didn’t speak
to the reader as if he was an idiot. Let’s
be clear - in Liverpool he may be King
Kenny, but the rest of the country thinks
he’s a complete tit.
At about the same time as King Kenny
was making a fool of himself, a number of
old cabinet papers from Margaret
Thatcher’s years at the helm were
released under the 30 year rule. One of
the more interesting items recorded
Geoffrey Howe’s opinion that Liverpool
was a decaying mess and full of such
ghastly and unemployable people that it
should be subjected to ‘managed decline’.
And it’s here that admiration grew towards
Maggie’s chancellor for inventing such a
wonderful phrase. Managed decline.
So now that the city has served as an
introduction to this month’s theme of managed
decline, we’ll leave behind Liverpool
and all the scussies who sail in her. That’s
because from now on the phrase managed
decline will be used to describe the
way some of us handle the aging
process.
We start off as super fit teenagers, and
even into our twenties we’re completely
indestructible and are going to live forever
at exactly the same pace. Then, by the
time we reach our thirties, little things are
starting to be less robust. We’ve put on a
few pounds. The hair has started to thin a
bit. Hangovers appear for the first time.
We note all these things, but by and large
ignore them. Reality has still not taken a
firm hold on our expectations.
Our forties are where things change more
significantly. The few pounds have
become a revolting spare tyre, the thinning
hair a full-on bald patch, and hangovers
last all day. By now it has also started
to dawn on us that we’re not getting
any younger. We begin to realise that
these ailments and physical defects will
never get any better unless we do something
about them. We might half-heartedly
attempt to diet. The bald patch disappears
into a fully shaved head, and alcohol consumption
is moderated. Do you see
what’s happening here? We’ve started to
manage the decline of our own bodies.
As middle age progresses, so various
joints start to hurt more, especially those
of us who’ve played any sport. Most of us
drop the pretence that we will ever get
into 32” trousers again and buy larger
ones. We start to take vitamin pills and
exercise a bit. By now, the decline is very
definitely being managed by those who
have some pride in themselves, and it’s
taking up a lot of effort.
But there are others who will not bother.
They will shrug their shoulders, say ‘what
can you do?’ and allow themselves to slip
into something that is much closer to a
gradual decay into old age than it is a
consciously managed decline.
Then there will be one final set of people
that, as they get older, care not for the
application involved in a managed
decline. They don’t even have enough
pride to do the gradual decay thing. No,
they take an active role in hastening the
process. Pies? Bring ‘em on. Booze?
Loads please. Exercise? What the feck’s
that?
We need a phrase to describe these people
as succinctly and wonderfully as managed
decline or even gradual decay does.
How about wilful destruction?
Page 28
To comment on this article email: steveward2000@hotmail.com

of those ultra sexy Mini’s themselves a run for
their money....not to mention the Alfa Romeo
MiTo, Fiat 500 and the Audi A1.
Some of you may have noticed the DS3 in Pixie
Lott’s Broken Arrow video - the first time a car
has been ‘product placed’ in a British music
video. Well, those crafty frogs...
One of the DS3’s strongest selling points is the
fact that buyers have the opportunity to seriously
customise their car (check out the Citroen
website for details) by mixing and matching
body and roof colours, decals, and so on. The
bottom line being you can even have some
serious fun ordering your car.
The Racing version (pictured) was originally
introduced at the Geneva Motor Show back in
2010. It is the road version of Citroen’s rally
spec DS3 R3 and doesn’t it look a treat? It does
0-62mph in but 6.5 seconds and has a top
speed of 146mph, which is more than ample for
belting it between the lights along Parkway.
However, there are also plenty of sensible
engine options to plump for, including your
editor’s favourite: diesel!
Every now and then a car comes along that
defies you not to take notice.
Sometimes that’s not necessarily a good thing,
but the more The Edge sees of the Citroen DS3,
the more it is liking what it is seeing.
Just look at it! Is that not an absolute belter of a
‘pocket rocket’, or what?
All of a sudden, right out of the blue, as if from
absolutely nowhere, Citroen seem to be designing
some seriously nice looking cars, and the
DS3 - in this publication’s humble opinion - is
right at the very top of the tree.
It’s a ‘supermini’ alright, capable of giving some
Even the
‘badge’ is alright!
The Edge is just surprised, that’s all, for it doesn’t
seem that long ago that Citroen were churning
out some absolutely shocking rolling stock....
only suddenly, everything seems to have
changed...for the better.
What’s more, so far as small, compact hatchbacks
are concerned, the DS3 appears to be
the only one in its league that allows 4 adults to
travel any reasonable distance in anything
approaching ‘comparative comfort’.
What does DS stand for?
DSirable, could it be?
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The Edge 077 646 797 44 Page 29

fancies the idea, simply drop me an
email as I always say you can
never have too many friends, too
many pairs of shoes, or too much
wine....and what better way is there
than to combine all three?
TOTALLY TRACIE
Sex & Ooooh,
Chelmsford City...
Chelmsford Girls - it’s time for us to
put on those Manolo Blahniks and
grab those designer handbags,
because Chelmsford is now officially
a city, thanks to Her Maj who, as
part of her Diamond Jubilee
shindig, has decided to honour our
former little town with grand old city
status. Oh yes, we are now officially
‘City Girls’. We beat Colchester. We
beat Southend. And, best of all, we
beat ‘Towie Land’ (Brentwood)
hands down. Carrie Bradshaw, eat
your heart out (shoes off). My only
concern is where on earth are we
going to find all of these Mr Big’s to
fulfill our requirements?
Dress For Less
My very good friend Lynnette, who
is just back from a huge globetrotting
holiday and is bursting full of
ideas, recently threw a ‘Clothes
Swap Party’ where she invited lots
of her women friends to bring items
of clothing they no longer wanted to
her home, plus the obligatory bottle
of wine or two. The idea being that
we could all gossip (naturally) and
swap our unwanted clothes and
shoes and revamp our wardrobes
amongst ourselves for very little or
absolutely no cost whatsoever.
What an AbFab idea, hey?
Particularly when money is a bit
tight as it is at the moment for us
all. After a bottle or two of wine,
everyone totally lost their inhibitions,
the chit-chat and giggling
positively flowed and everyone
became fashion stylists, dressing
each other with fashion parades
and strip teases going on in
Lynette’s very own front room!
Women who had never met before
suddenly became firm friends and I
have never laughed so much in a
long time. I ended up wobbling
home in some mismatched ‘get up’
that would have even made Bjork
tremble. Much better than a car
boot sale! I can thoroughly recommend
it as the best night out/in I
have had in years and it’s such a
fantastic way to meet new friends
and let your hair down and get lots
of new clothes at the same time.
Honestly, it was like shopping without
cash. Marvellous! So if anyone
Rattle Those Pots & Pans
According to new figures out this
week - it’s now official, 8 out of 10
women do more housework than
their partners (honestly, did we really
need a survey to tell us that?).
In my experience, men are pretty
good at washing a few dishes and
generally tidying up, but most do
not even know where the washing
machine is, let alone how to use it.
But why is it that whenever a man
does any housework, they seem to
have an in-built need to give us
women a blow-by-blow account of
exactly what they’ve done and
clearly expect us to thank them
profusely for them picking up their
own clothes or tidying up the mess
they made in the first place?
So, for the benefit of the 80% of
women out there who find themselves
in exactly the same boat as
me, I thought I’d share this greetings
card with you that I found in a
shop the other day.
George turned off the vacuum
and waited for his medal.
Unless they invent a vacuum cleaner
with a remote control, the
chances of men ever doing the hovering
will remain but a pipe-dream,
I am sorry to say.
My Big Fat Belly
Spring is well and truly here, so it’s
high time to do something about all
those extra pounds that have accumulated
over Christmas and the
dark winter months, so’s we girls
can all fit back into our little summer
dresses. If you’re like me and you
need a little bit of inspiration to help
kick start the process, check out
http://www.redbookmag.com/healthwellness/virtual-body-makeover
Upload a picture of yourself, press
a button and hey presto - you can
instantly see what you’d look like
5lbs, 10lbs or even 20lbs lighter.
I’ve printed out the picture and
stuck it to my ’fridge door to help
me stick to my diet. The only problem
is, I should have printed out
half a dozen more. One for the biscuit
tin, one for the chocolate
drawer etc. etc. etc.
Page 30
Tracie123@aol.com

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