negative emotions burgeon and reproduce ceaselessly within our being while distilling theslow poison that kills us. We may not know where to start in order to live <strong>for</strong> ever, butfollowing <strong>Lupelius</strong>’ age‐old aphorism we can certainly “die less”. Many times I chanted theLupelian song of immortality:Eat less and Dream moreSleep less and Breathe moreDie less and Live <strong>for</strong>ever.16 “You won’t make it!”I emerged as if from a journey underground. I recognised the room and the huge paintingon the far wall. This time, it was an hour later in the morning in the Dreamer’s world, and thelight was such that I could easily observe the architecture of that part of the house. I lookedup towards the high ceiling and followed its line to the point where it dropped sharply<strong>for</strong>ming an imposing archway of bare brick. It was in that moment that I sensed a presence. Igave a start. On each side of the arch, two naked people, a man and a woman, were observingme like motionless guardians. A shiver ran down my spine be<strong>for</strong>e I understood what wasbe<strong>for</strong>e me. <strong>The</strong>y were life size statues placed facing each other. <strong>The</strong>y were so perfectly madethat I thought they were copies of Hellenic originals. <strong>The</strong> chest of the warrior, so high andsmooth and strong as armour, conveyed to me a message of irresistible pride. I stood up andstraightened my back as if responding to a military order.I instinctively ignored the steep peperino stairway that led to the Dreamer’s rooms and,without hesitation, took the opposite direction, towards a large door made of glass andwrought iron of an unusual shape. Beside it, a large painting covered the entire wall. Istopped to examine it. I recognised an opulent representation of the myth of Narcissus,depicting him as he admired his reflection in a pond, shortly be<strong>for</strong>e being swallowed into it.I gazed admiringly and at length at this work which would not have been out of place amongthe seventeenth century masterpieces of an important museum collection. <strong>The</strong>n I carefullypushed the glass door open and stopped spellbound on the threshold of a fairytale setting.Without taking my eyes off this scene, I bent down to untie my shoelaces and left my shoesthere, where I stood, as I had done on my first visit. I proceeded cautiously in bare feet acrossthe large terracotta tile floor and went into what seemed to be a large greenhouse. <strong>The</strong> richvariety of plants, <strong>for</strong> the most part tropical, and the walls consisting of long rows of glassarches, rein<strong>for</strong>ced this impression. Outside, the deep green of the garden laid siege to it andpushed up against the wooden frame like a sea of plants against the sides of an ark. But theelegance of every detail, the works of art, the valuable paintings and the modern sculptures inwhite marble, left me pleasantly perplexed as to the true nature of this extraordinary place.<strong>The</strong> first light of the morning flooded in from two large skylights. I looked at the huge beamswhich supported the roof and my imagination was captivated by the thought of the titan who34
had been able to carry and place them there. I explored every corner several times but couldsee no trace of the Dreamer. I had not seen Him <strong>for</strong> over a year. Just the thought of meetingHim made my heart race and my breath short. As I carried on I saw an expanse of water inthe middle of the hall floor. Rather than a pool, it appeared to be a small light blue pond duginto the terracotta tiles. A constant movement rippled pleasingly across the surface of thewater like a shiver. I ran my gaze along the edge until I saw His reflection rippling in thewaves. I looked up slowly. <strong>The</strong> Dreamer was putting a silver flute to his lips. He bent<strong>for</strong>ward elegantly and lifted his face, and the shining instrument, towards the light. <strong>The</strong> airwas filled with a string of notes, threaded one after another, like pearls on a necklace but ofvarying sizes and value. It was ageless, timeless music, like the villa, like that room, like thatmoment. I remained motionless as I listened. I felt the joyful thrill of my childhood,permeated with the salty fragrance of the sea, and its <strong>for</strong>gotten happiness; the foolish racesalong the rocks, the taste of freshly caught crabs and shellfish, the way my heart poundedbe<strong>for</strong>e diving off the big rock, the cool shade of our summer house in Ischia, Carmela’ssweaty kisses when she returned from the market… I had found Him again. All that time heappeared not to have even noticed my intrusion. Finally one note remained suspended in theair longer than the others, fluttering on the breath which had created it, playing a little longerwith the molecules of air, be<strong>for</strong>e freeing itself from the music and becoming a single,quivering, sonorous puff. Suddenly it stopped. For an endless moment the flute was heldcrosspiece, attached to the Dreamer’s lower lip, and then it softly followed the hand that laidit down on a cushion nearby. He was younger than I remembered Him, and seemed eventhinner. He looked up and examined me at length. He certainly knew what ef<strong>for</strong>ts I had madeto return to Him…he knew about my extensive search <strong>for</strong> the manuscript and the success ofmy mission, the passion with which I had studied and which had brought me closer to thethought of the <strong>School</strong>. Following the stormy meeting which had begun my apprenticeshipand the journey of adventure into my past which started in Marrakech, this time I wasexpecting words of encouragement, if not of praise. I took a few steps towards him. <strong>The</strong>Dreamer continued to stare at me without saying a word. Initially I felt a vague state ofunease that quickly turned into pain. Under His gaze, my attention reversed its direction. Iwas looking inside myself <strong>for</strong> the first time. <strong>The</strong> spectacle was not the most agreeable: a massof dark thoughts was <strong>for</strong>ming within my consciousness, along with senses of guilt and otherfeelings twisted into an emotional jumble which was never disentangled. His eyes bore intome, digging up a psychological sludge that I never wanted to see or confront. He stopped justas the pain was exceeding the limits of my endurance. But He didn’t relax his grip. What wasto follow would be much more painful. At the end of His examination, as if He had reached afinal, definitive judgment, He passed sentence: “You won’t make it!”<strong>The</strong> silence which followed that verdict flooded into the greenhouse, filling every corner.Disappointment, dejection and anger mingled and merged into a single, quiet pain. I feltmyself devoid of all energy. I wanted only to be left in peace and collapse. But I did not daredo that, nor did I ask to. Holding my breath, like an accused man, I awaited the final sentenceof this judgement. <strong>The</strong> pause was cruelly long. Finally, like a researcher observing the results35