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Test Yourself:CHANUKAHMUSIC QUIZTime For Healing:FACING OUR“SHANDAS”How To AttractFAMILIESWITH KIDSA Sacred Journey:SISTERHOOD’S100 YEARSA Union for Reform Judaism (URJ) Publication ReformJudaismmag.org Winter 2012/5773 $5.00What do20s and 30ssay they needto find a homein the Jewishcommunity?AN RJ FORUMFOR THE FUTURE

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A BENEFIT OF YOUR MEMBERSHIP IN A URJ CONGREGATIONCover photography: © Barney Boogles / VeerAbove image: Jorge Lemus22 Forum for the Futureby Jonathan Sarna, David Cygielman,Yoav Schlesinger, Rebecca Missel, DavidGerber, Josh Nelson, Sarah Lefton /Historian Sarna sheds light on whathistory can teach us about the challengeof engaging the next generation of Jews,and six 20s and 30s tell us what youngadults want and need to find their homein the Jewish community.32 The Sacred Circle of Sisterhooda conversation with Dolores KosbergWilkenfeld, Lynn Magid Lazar, andDara Amram / The power and promiseof Sisterhood in its first 100 years.IN THE BEGINNING2 Dear Reader: Herstory & History/ Rick Jacobs4 Letters45JEWISH LIFE6 Portrait: Kerry Glass, Congregation B’naiJeshurun, Short Hills, New Jersey8 Holidays: What Do You Know…aboutChanukah Music? / Jayson Rodovsky andRachel Wetstein11 Books: An Insider’s Guide to the JewishConversation / a conversation with authorLawrence A. Hoffman14 Judaica: Jewish Antiques Appraisal Show/ Jonathan Greenstein15 Youth Engagement: Launching theB’nai Mitzvah Revolution / a conversationwith Bradley Solmsen and Isa Aron19 Worldview: Why Do We Need Religion?Ask Darwin / Jonathan SacksFOCUS: SHANDA37 What Will the Neighbors Say?!/ a conversation withDale Atkins and Edythe Mencher42 My Secret Siblings / Marlene Myerson43 My Marital Masquerade / Anonymous45 The Disgrace of a Nice Jewish Girl/ Annette PowersNEWS & VIEWS OF REFORM JEWS50 Feature Story: Involving Familieswith Young Children—Howcongregations can successfullyengage young families/ Barbara PashAlso49 Chairman’s Perspective: Pursuing Justice/ Stephen M. Sacks49 Quotable: In Print52 Quotable: The Blogs54 Noteworthy56 What Works: How to CatalyzeCongregational Changereform judaism 1 winter 2012

REFORM JUDAISM®Official Publication ofthe Union for Reform JudaismServing Reform Congregations in North AmericaWinter 2012, Vol. 41, No. 2Executive EditorMark PelavinEditorAron Hirt-ManheimerManaging EditorJoy WeinbergCopy EditorJudith Hirt-ManheimerAssistant to the EditorsAlison KahlerArt DirectionBest & Co.Contributing EditorsDavid Aaron, Michael Cook, Josh Garroway,Leah Hochman, David Ilan, Jan Katzew, Paul Liptz,Edythe Mencher, Aaron Panken, Rick Sarason,Lance Sussman, Mark Washofsky, Wendy ZierlerAdvisory BoardMilton Lieberman, ChairCarol Kur, Honorary ChairPaul Uhlmann, Jr., Lifetime Chair EmeritusJim Ball, Shirlee Cohen, Isabel Dunst,Dan Freelander, Steve Friedman, Jay Geller,Howard Geltzer, Marc Gertz,Deborah Goldberg, Shirley Gordon,Richard Holtz, Robert M. Koppel, Gail Littman,Bonnie Mitelman, Harriet Rosen,Jean Rosensaft, Joseph Aaron Skloot,John Stern, Al Vorspan, Alan ZeichickAdvertising OfficesJoy Weinberg, Advertising DirectorKeith Newman, Advertising Representative633 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017212-650-4244 (for advertising inquiries only)Circulation OfficesUnion for Reform Judaism Synagogue Members:Change of Address Website:reformjudaismmag.org/subscribe/changeChange of Address Hotline: 212-650-4182** Before dialing, be ready to write down thequestions that the hotline will ask you. Also be sureto tell your temple about the address change.Subscriptions: 212-650-4240Congregational Family Records:reformjudaismmag.org/subscribe/recordsOn- LineHome Page: reformjudaismmag.orgwith RJpedia article search by subjectReform Judaism (ISSN 0482-0819) is published quarterly(fall, winter, spring, summer) by the Union for ReformJudaism. Circulation Offices: 633 Third Ave, New York, NY10017. © Copyright 2012 by the Union for Reform Judaism.Periodical postage paid at New York, New York and atadditional mailing offices. Postmaster: Send address changesto Reform Juda ism, 633 Third Avenue, New York, NY10017. Members of Union congregations receive ReformJudaism as a service of the Union for Reform Judaism.Subscription rate: One year: $12 each; Canada $18 each;Foreign $24 each. Two years: $22 each; Canada $34 each;Foreign $46 each. Contact us for bulk pricing. The opinionsof authors whose works are published in Reform Judaismare their own and do not necessarily reflect the viewpoint ofthe Union. REFORM JUDAISM is a registered trademarkof the Union for Reform Judaism.Canada Publications Mail Agreement No. 40032276.Return undeliverable Canadian addresses toPO Box 875, Stn A, Windsor ON N9A 6P2Statement of PurposeReform Judaism is the official voice of the Union forReform Judaism, linking the institutions and af filiates ofReform Judaism with every Re form Jew. RJ covers developmentswithin our Move ment while interpreting worldevents and Jewish tradition from a Reform perspective.Shared by 305,000 member households, RJ conveys thecreativity, diversity, and dynamism of Reform Judaism.dear readerHerstory & HistoryAt Chanukah time in most Hebrew schools youoften hear a lot of talk about the courageousJudah Maccabee, but much less, if anything, aboutanother great warrior hero of the Maccabeanrevolt—Judith, whose slaying of the SeleucidGreek general Holofernes resulted in victory andthe rededication of the Temple. We owe ourliberation to brave women as well as brave men.Yet it is not only might that we celebrate thisseason; it is also spirit—the light both men andwomen bring to the world by acknowledging each other’s dignity and worth.In our own day, U.S. servicemen and women who return from the battlefieldin defense of liberty and freedom do not always receive the medical carethey deserve. Women, especially, are at a disadvantage because of the highincidence of sexual assault in the military. An estimated one in three servicewomenfaces sexual assault sometime during her service (and that percentagemay be even higher because this crime often goes unreported). Yet, under theU.S. military health plan known as TRICARE, a woman in the armed forcesor a female family member of a military service person facing an unwantedpregnancy is denied access to abortion services in a military facility, even ifshe offers to pay with her own money. TRICARE will pay for an abortiononly if the mother’s life is in danger—no exceptions for rape or incest.And upon reentering civilian life, these modern Judiths will earn only77 cents for every dollar earned by men of comparable education andexperience. Over a lifetime (47 years of full-time work), this gap amountsto a loss in wages of $700,000 for a female high school graduate, $1.2million for a college graduate, and $2 million for a professional schoolgraduate. To remedy this inequality, the Paycheck Fairness Act wasintroduced in April 2011 in the Senate, only to be defeated a year laterby eight votes short of the required 60.Our conscience and our tradition demand that we pursue justice forall men and women—whether warriors or civilians—who are deniedfairness and equality.As we kindle the chanukiah this year, may we recall the inspiringstories of both Judith and Judah, and remember those who, throughstrength and courage, have brought justice to our world.May the light of freedom and equality burn brightly at this season andthrough the years ahead.Rabbi Rick JacobsPresident, Union for Reform Judaism➢Your thoughts and ideas are welcomed. Contact Rabbi Jacobs: urjpresident@urj.org and/orsend a letter-to-the-editor: rjmagazine@urj.org.Ian Spanier Photographyreform judaism 2 winter 2012

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l e t t e r shumbly suggest that URJ PresidentI Rabbi Rick Jacobs’ column, “DearReader: Reimagining Jewish Life”(Fall 2012), missed the mark in oneimportant respect.Rabbi Jacobs challenged us to accountfor our shortcomings, as we should.Indeed, my usual High Holiday mindsettakes me quickly from a silent expressionof gratitude for all the blessings I enjoy toan assessment of all the changes I shouldmake. I think of the bad habits I need tojettison and the resolutions for a “Newand Improved Me” that I need to keep.Yet, a focus on our shortcomingsinvites a disregard for our successes. Weought not to squander the opportunity tobuttress what works.Something that works for me is myinvolvement with Reform Judaism.Together with others committed to livingJewish lives, I share a passion for the experienceof the sacred. And so, I will renewmy efforts to strengthen my connections toGod, Judaism, and those around me, andcontinue to explore the questions thatchallenge us: How do we make an activeinvolvement in Reform Jewish life moreaccessible to more people? How can wemake it more meaningful to all? Might itbecome more integral to the lives of everyReform Jew?As I begin a new year, I will turn mythoughts to the preservation of all thatserves to enrich our lives.Stephen G. GordonScarsdale Synagogue TemplesTremont and Emanu-ElScarsdale, New YorkGod & Our Prayersslightly disagree with Rabbi SeymourI Prystowski’s letter regarding “The GodSurvey” (Fall 2012). I think I’m similar tothe congregants he refers to who “do notconstrue God as a celestial figure whoacts in this world,” but I’m still moved bythe very prayers he suggests changing.I, and I’d guess many of those congregants,don’t see God as a celestial figure,but I do see Him (Her? It?—finding theright divine pronoun does bewilder me)defining the order of the world—and Ifind the existing prayer book remarkablymeaningful.Andrew MichaelsonCongregation Bet Ha’amSouth Portland, MaineMarijuana is MedicineThank you so much for your article onmedical marijuana use (“MedicalEthics: The Morality of Marijuana—2Views,” Summer 2012). I had cancer justover four years ago, and pot was the onlySend letters to: Reform Judaism, 633Third Avenue, 7th fl oor, New York, NY10017, reform judaismmag.org (clickon “Submissions”).2013DEPARTURES:May 19 &October 13REGISTERNOW!asubsidiaryofreform judaism 4 winter 2012

medicine I used. It works for appetite,nausea, pain, sleep. Medical pot is veryimportant for people who don’t like totake pills, etc. I am cancer free now.AnonymousVancouver, British ColumbiaTorah Class That LastsYour article “What Works: A TorahClass That Lasts” (Summer 2012)discussed a Torah study group that’sstill going strong after 23 years. I begansuch a group in our synagogue in 1955,and am still leading it. It would be ofinterest to know whether any ongoinggroup started even earlier.Jay R. BrickmanRabbi Emeritus, Congregation SinaiMilwaukee, WisconsinEditor’s Note—Fall 2012In our report on the Chernow andMills families’ milestone—IlanaMills became the third sister in herJewishly active family to be ordaineda Reform rabbi—we misspelledIlana’s name. We send apologies andcongratulations to Ilana and her family.What makes our weddings awe-inclusive?Your beautiful union deserves an equally beautifulcelebration. Palace Resorts is proud to introduce reform judaism 5 winter 2012

PORTRAITHOLIDAYS BOOKS JUDAICA YOUTH ENGAGEMENT WORLDVIEWKERRY GLASS EDITS A MEMORIES LIVE MOVIE ABOUT J. TORRES.NAME: Kerry GlassCONGREGATION: Congregation B’naiJeshurun, Short Hills, New JerseyFAVORITE ACT OF TIKKUN OLAM:Creating Memories Live (MemoriesLive.org), a free service that helps terminallyill people and their families create apersonalized movie interweaving “live”footage, selected music, and personalphotographs to share with loved ones.The idea came to me a couple of yearsago, after I heard about a New Jerseymother of two children under age sixwho had died of lung cancer. As I wasalso the mother of two young children,I kept thinking about those other twochildren who would never “know theirmother.” If only this mother had beenable to create a movie or video recordingof her life, hopes, and dreams for herkids, I thought, perhaps those childrenwould grow up having a stronger senseof who their mom was.The Memories Live interviewees are oftenuplifted by the experience of celebratingtheir lives and knowing theyhave created a legacy of memoryfor their families. One suchwoman, a 65-year old Jewishmother/grandmother, made hervideo just before she died ofcancer. Her grateful son learnedthings about his mother henever knew—but more importantly,he cherishes being ableto hear and see her at anytimehe wants—to watch her purseher lips and shake her headwhen she’s thinking, to take inher voice. And because his childrenare unlikely to remember her whenthey are older, he is thankful to have thisway to keep her “alive” for them.FAVORITE JEWISH MENTOR:For my master’s thesis in Art TherapyI interviewed a Holocaust survivor whohad been hidden with her mother andsister in an attic without windows. Heronly link to the outside world was a smallcrack in the wall. She would stare at itfor countless hours, imagining what it feltlike to be outside. Today she paints magnificentflowers and trees and a sky filledwith the richest of colors—creating overand over again what she missed while inhiding. She is my hero.FAVORITE JEWISH EXPERIENCE:Camping out in the Judean Desert whilein Israel for a semester at Tel Aviv University.Laying down to sleep in such silenceon the arid, rough terrain amidst so manystars, I thought of how many people andreligions had passed through here, one ofthe most peaceful places on Earth.Photo courtesy of Memories Livereform judaism 6 winter 2012

THANK YOU!Your support of the Union for Reform Judaism is aninvestment in our future. You have strengthenedReform Judaism and Jewish communal lifetoday and for countless generations to come. We are extremely grateful to these generous donorswho have contributed to the URJ Annual Campaign during the last fiscal year.*Chai SocietyPaddy and Barry EpsteinF.N.Z. FoundationDennis and Nancy GilbertDaryl Messinger and James HeegerMorton Hirschberg TrustRosalyn G. RosenthalBarbara and Edward ScolnickR. Peter and Betty ShapiroSignature BankPresident’s CouncilAm ShalomJane and Craig AronoffLinda and Les AtkinsonNani and Austin BeutelEllen and Bill BlumsteinBarbara and Mark BrooknerDr. Alexander and Dyan CohenThe Gerard and RuthDaniel Foundation Inc.Miriam Daniel and Laurence WolffThe Honorable David DavidsonIsabel P. DunstSusan and Stephen FeldmanRabbi Daniel H. Freelander andRabbi Elyse D. FrishmanThe Eugene and MarilynGlick FoundationThe Golomb FamilySusan and Andrew GoodmanKen and Glenda GordonYvette and Larry GrallaHarold Grinspoon FoundationDiane and Mark J. HalperinWarren and Joyce HeilbronnerAmy and Robert HellerJudith and Martin, z”l HertzSusan and Bill HessSamita and Howard JacobsJennifer and Todd KaufmanDr. Eve Kurtin andDr. Michael SteinbergMichael and Audrey LauferKaren and Norman LeopoldSol and Dorothy LevitesDr. Arthur and Marilyn LieberGail and Marshall LittmanAnne M. Molloy andHenry Posner IIIDoris and William D. NormanThe Oppenheim FamilyJanet Levy Pauli and William J. PauliJo-Ann and Michael PriceSteve Pruzan and Dr. Janet AbramsDr. Robert M. RankinSusan and Charles J. Rothschild IIIHelene and Stephen SacksCarole and Jay SterlingT&H Benefits LLCJane and Tom TavesDorothy and G. Leonard TeitelbaumWeidhorn Family Foundation, Inc.Elayne and Steven WeitzDolores K. WilkenfeldJames and Linda WimmerRabbi Eric and Amy YoffieLeadersAnonymous (2)Drs. Tom and Abby AbelsonAlexander Family FoundationDiane and Jean-Loup BaerIna and Steve BaumanJudy and Bruce BergCarol and Barry BeyerJudy and Beryl, z”l BlicksteinJoan and Lawrence BrotmanThose who do charity and justice areregarded as if they filled the wholeworld with kindness. —Talmud Sukkah, 49bMarilyn BrummelLuise and Edward BurgerWendy and Raymond CapeloutoCary Davidson and Andrew OgilvieLaura DickermanRabbis David andJacqueline EllensonEdna Mae and Leroy FademLinda and Earl M. FergusonMorton and Peggy FinkelsteinMr. and Mrs. Allan B. GoldmanHoney and Keith S. HellerBluma and Donald HermanDr. Alan S. HerzlinFrances A. HessArthur Heyman andShirley MichaloveGary and Sarah KaplanElaine and Gus D. Kuhn IIIMs. Evely Laser Shlensky andRabbi Ira YoudovinDr. Paul and Robin LesznerMaxine and Fred LeventhalVicki and John NelsonMarc and Phyllis NewmanMs. Al RiesenburgerRosen FoundationHarriet and Gil RosenDr. Arthur and Betty RoswellRuby Diamond FoundationSusan RudolphIris and David W. SamplinerBarbara and Larry ShumanNancy and David SolomonMichael SternliebShirley TartakPaul Uhlmann, Jr.Felice and Tom WienerSustainersAnonymousJean and Jay AbarbanelHoward and Nina AbramsJo Ann and Evan J. AllenJames Ball and Anita DiamantIlene and Stanley BarshaySusan C. and Jerold M., z”l BassDr. Richard and Debra BrennerJames and Linda CherneyMorris and Esther CooperBonnie Denmark-Friedmanand Gary FriedmanGail and Richard DonnerRabbi Ellen Weinberg Dreyfusand Dr. James DreyfusRudolph and Hilda ForchheimerMichael and Helene FreidmanMarilyn FrischlingStephanie Garry and Art TatgeJoan GolderArt and Natalie GrandDr. and Mrs. Leonard GraysonMrs. Ilene GreeneLouis and Patti GrossmanFrederick Isaac and Robin ReinerElaine and Scott JaffeJudith and Robert LaytonDonald Leibowitz andKaren BrodskyMarlene Levenson andMarshall GreenLesley and Mark LevinHarry and Mary LevyAnn Dee and Jeff LevyDr. Brad A. and Jan MarionCynthia and David MirskyElliot and Sally PaullGregg PressSimon Rosenblatt andLouise GreenfieldKenneth and Lois RubinDr. Janet Schwartz and Jeffrey SaltzSchoen BooksBrian and Carol SchusterMarsha and Myron SchwitzerDavid and Elizabeth ShermanDr. Richard and Rhona ShugarmanDan and Jackie SilvermanRonald and Anne SimonLois and Harry SimpsonRabbi Jonathan and Susan SteinDonna D. SteinPhillip and Therese SteinRabbi David Stern andRabbi Nancy KastenLin and Gary SunshineGale and Eliot SwartzLawrence and Linda VogelMauri and Stanley WillisJane Wishner andRobert RosenbergSteven and Barbara WolfDr. Jeremy Wolfe andMs. Julie H. SandellEleanor and Alan Wolff* Donors listed contributed to theUnion for Reform Judaism or theCombined Reform Appeal of Canadafrom July 1, 2011 to June 30, 2012.

JEWISHLIFEHOLIDAYSWhat Do You Know…about Chanukah Songs?By Jayson Rodovsky and Rachel WetsteinHere are eight questionsto kindle your enthusiasmabout Chanukah music.1. The Chanukah song Ma’ozTzur is based on a poem thatcommemorates Chanukahand which two other Jewishholidays?a. Passover and Purimb. Shabbat and Passoverc. Tu B’Shvat andPassoverd. Shabbat and Yom Kippur2. What is the real translationof Ma’oz tzur y’shuati?a. Rock of agesb. Rock of my soulc. Mighty rockof my salvationd. Rock on3. In what language was theChanukah candle-countingsong Ocho Kandelikaswritten?a. Spanishb. HebrewJayson Rodovsky is editor and Rachel Wetstein is research librarian andeditorial assistant of Transcontinental Music (a division of URJ Booksand Music), the leading publisher of Jewish choral music, with a catalogof 1000+ titles. To learn more about Transcontinental Music’s offerings,visit transcontinentalmusic.com.c. Ladinod. Greek4. Which ofthese AmericanJewish songwriterswrotethe comicalsong Chanukahin SantaMonica?a. Bob Dylanb. Alan Shermanc. Tom Lehrerd. Irving Berlin5. Which classical composerwrote the oratorio JudasMaccabeus based on theChanukah story?a. JohannSebastianBachb. WolfgangAmadeusMozartc. Ludwig vanBeethovend. GeorgeFrederickHandel6. Which songwritercomposed the Chanukahsocial action song LightOne Candle, now sung insynagogues and schoolsthroughout America?a. Dave Guard ofThe Kingston TrioCourtesy of Transcontinental Music Publicationsreform judaism 8 winter 2012

. John Lennon ofThe Beatlesc. Peter Yarrow ofPeter, Paul, and Maryd. Cass Elliot ofThe Mamas and the Papas7. In the original Yiddish version ofI Have a Little Dreidel (I Am a LittleDreidel), what substance was thedreidel made of?a. Leadb. Woodc. Clayd. Glass8. Which of these songs has had 65,000+hits on YouTube?a. Light These Lights(Debbie Friedman)b. Chanukah Blessings(Traditional)c. Pass the Candle from Left to Right(Michelle Citrin)d. How Do You Spell Chanukah?(Michael Isaacson)For the answers, turn to the next page.Pass on the Giftthat needs no unwrapping.The perfect Hanukkah gift isalways the right size, will neverbe returned and helps makethe world a better place. Agift of livestock from HeiferInternational will help yourchildren learn about the Jewishvalues of tzedakah and tikkunolam and allow a poor family tolift themselves out of poverty.Give Now. Change a Life.www.heifer.org/hanukkahreform judaism 9 winter 2012

Heckers Unbleached Flour has been ongrocery shelves in New York and surroundingareas since 1843. It would not have lastedthis long if there were not a spoonful ofconfidence in each and every bag.The Uhlmann CompanyCHANUKAH MUSICQUIZ ANSWERS1. A. Passover and Purim, as well asChanukah, appear in the liturgicalpoem Ma’oz Tzur by the 13th- and14th-century German poet Mordecaiben Yitzchak Halevi. It contains sixstanzas—the first expressing Israel’smessianic hopes for the reestablishmentof ancient Temple worship; thesubsequent ones praising God fordelivering the Jews from the Egyptianbondage, from the Babylonianexile, from Haman’s plot, and fromthe Seleucid Greek threat; andthe concluding verse pleading forIsrael’s speedy redemption. Passoveris referenced in verse three (“cheilPar’o v’chol zar’o yardu k’evenbim’tzulah”—“Pharaoh’s army andall his seed went down like a stoneinto the deep”) and Purim in versefour (“Agagi ben Ham’data”—“theAgagite, son of Hammedatha,” whichrefers to Haman). Source: JewishHeritage Onlinecontinued on page 20TRINITY COLLEGEHILLELreform judaism 10 winter 2012

JEWISHLIFEBOOKSAn Insider’s Guide to the Jewish Conversationa conversation with Rabbi Lawrence A. HoffmanRabbi LawrenceA. Hoffman, theBarbara and StephenFriedman Professorof Liturgy, Worshipand Ritual at HUC-JIR in New York,talks to RJ’s editorsabout his latest book, One HundredJewish Books: Three Millennia of KeyJewish Conversation (Bluebridge Press,2011), which offers commentary on keyJewish writings from biblical times toour day, opening a window onto threemillennia of Jewish dialogue and debate.How did you conceive of a guide tothe Jewish conversation?Back in the 1970s, while serving asa visiting professor at the University ofNotre Dame, I found myself in a conversationwith a Catholic colleaguewho sought to describe an experiencethat had proved personally transforming.The next thing I knew, I was saying,“That was your life in Christ.”“Yes,” he said, “Exactly!”The problem was, I had no real ideawhat I had said. I had simply intuitedthe right conversational response. I was,as it were, learning to speak “Catholic.”This was my first inchoate notion of lifeas a set of conversations.Is Judaism a conversation?Yes. We are what we talk about—or,better, what we talk about is what we arelikely to become. Think about conversion.People raised as Jews internalizea Jewish conversation they take forgranted. Converts are always playingcatch-up—as are serious Jews whowant to take the conversation deeperthan what they learned as children.What is the best entry point intothe Jewish conversation?I start with the Bible, particularlythe Books of Genesis, Isaiah, Psalms,Ecclesiastes, and Job. Genesis is theformative statement of human distinctiveness:our gift of self-consciousness,which evokes the existential questionof who we are and what we ought tobe. The prophet Isaiah demonstratesour ethical impulse—the outwardexpression of human self-consciousnesstoward others. The Psalms providethe other side of the coin—our interiorlife of prayer, spirituality, and connectionto the Divine. But what if thegoodness we perform amounts to nothingin the end? What if our ideals areillusions that evaporate into dust?That’s the subject of Ecclesiastes. AndJob personifies the equally disturbingproblem of evil: how bad things happento good people.Genesis, Isaiah, Psalms, Ecclesiastes,and Job together lay down the parametersof human conversation for all time:self consciousness, ethics, spirituality,and the twin threats of meaninglessnessand mortality.So far, the conversation soundsuniversal—not specifically Jewish.Judaism is a “Jewish take” on theuniversal human predicament. The specificallyJewish version culminated inreform judaism 11 winter 2012the Babylonian Talmud (ca. 6th–7thcenturies C.E.). It is composed in conversationalform, as if half a millenniaof rabbis had somehow assembled for alengthy debate on just about everything—without,however, any bindingdecision being reached at the end. It isperfectly normal to think your waythrough several pages of closely contestedargument, only to find that youstill do not know the answer to thequestion proposed in the first place.That openness provides grist for a conversationalmill that has lasted all thistime. Hillel and Shammai (c. 1st centuryB.C.E.) are paradigmatic opponents.For purposes of practice, we generallyfollow Hillel, but commentators continueto discuss the guiding principles ofShammai too, because Judaism isexpansive, unafraid of contention, andinviting of curiosity and challenge. If Iwere banished to a desert island with asingle book to take along, I’d choosethe Talmud.What are other essential Jewishtexts that Jewish conversationalistsshould know?Medieval Judaism continued the legalconversation in commentaries, codes ofJewish law (which themselves attractcommentaries), and responsa (closelyargued legal directives in response tolife’s challenges). From this period wealso inherit our liturgical works—thesiddur (prayer book for weekdays andShabbat), machzor (prayer book for holidays),and the haggadah (the service forthe Passover seder). The conversationalso expanded to include the writings ofprominent Jewish philosophers such asMoses Maimonides (1135–1204) andJudah Halevi (c. 1075–1141); the foundationalwork of Jewish mysticism, theZohar; the fascinating Jewish travelogueof Benjamin of Tudela (1130–1173),who explored Europe, Asia, and Africa;and ethical wills, letters to the next gen-

eration with advice parents wish theycould provide their children.How does Reform Judaism playinto the Jewish conversation?Reform Judaism arose in the 19thcentury, an outgrowth of the Enlightenment(the age of reason) and Emancipation(the process of being freed fromghettos). Both were epitomized by thephilosopher Moses Mendelssohn(1724–1786), who introduced Jews tothe wider conversation of Western culture.Ever since, Jews have straddledtwo conversations—their traditionalconversation and the Christian-dominated,but increasingly secular, conversationof modernity.One way to look at Reform, then, isto think of it as the means by which Jewslearned to manage the two conversationswithout having to leave the Jewish onein order to adopt the dominant one.But Mendelssohn lived beforeReform Judaism came into existence.That’s right. Reform Judaism cameinto being after the French Revolutionand the reign of Napoleon, who insistedthat Jews could belong in modernnation states only if they were a “religion.”That was new for Jews, who hadthought of themselves as somethinglarger—a “people.” The result was anOur exceptionalFREE offer for yourBar/Bat Mitzvah childOur meticulouslyplanned, worldrenowned tourOur dynamic, wellrouteditineraryOur ultra-deluxe hotels -Including TheKing David JerusalemOur guides – themost requested teamin Israel, led by ourIsrael Tour Director,Ben Ami Geller.All departuresinclude EilatFAMILY- BAR/BAT MITZVAHDEC. 23-JAN. 1, 2013DEC. 23-JAN. 4, 2013FAMILY- BAR/BAT MITZVAH15-DAY DELUXE TOURSJUNE 17-JULY 1 / JUNE 24-JULY 8 / AUG. 5-19FAMILY- BAR/BAT MITZVAH12-DAY DELUXE TOURSJUNE 13-24 / JUNE 27-JULY 8 / AUG. 15-26FAMILY- BAR/BAT MITZVAH12-DAY VALUE TOURSJUNE 20-JULY 1 / JULY 25-AUG. 5 / AUG 8-19ADULT 15 - DAY DELUXE TOURSAPRIL 29-MAY 13 / SEPT. 30-OCT. 14OCT. 14-28ADULT 15 - DAY VALUE TOURSAPRIL 22-MAY 6 / JULY 8-22 / OCT. 21-NOV. 4NEW BOOKS | URJ PRESSYoga ShalomWhat’s Jewish about yoga? LisaLevine and Carol Krucoff createa worship experience that connectsthe morning service to aflowing yoga practice, allowingpractitioners to truly embodyprayer. Includes a CD of music anda DVD of the full service.Broken Fragments: JewishExperiences of Alzheimer’sDisease through Diagnosis,Treatment, and Moving OnThis anthology, edited by RabbiDouglas Kohn, uses first-handexperience and Jewish teachingsto guide families in managingAlzheimer’s disease in the contextof Jewish tradition and values.Contact the URJ Press at 212-650-4120, URJBooksandMusic.com.reform judaism 12 winter 2012

intensive set of conversations aboutreligious matters modified by theinsights of history and science.An alternative approach came fromEastern Europe. Napoleon didn’t getthat far, so Jews living in the Russianand Austro-Hungarian Empires neverthought of themselves as adherents of areligion, but as part of a patchwork quiltof ethnic peoples, such as the Ukrainians,Magyars, and Serbs. The Jewishequivalent for them was Zionism, aconversation on the revival of Hebrewand building a national home in theLand of Israel.So Zionism and Reform Judaismare alternative conversational tracksbequeathed to us by modernity?Exactly. They were rivals once, buthave now come together as complementaryparts of Jewish identity.What has been the trajectory of theJewish conversation in America,and what do you think lies ahead?Reform Judaism arrived in the U.S.with 19th-century German immigration,but German Jews were quickly outnumberedby Eastern European immigrantswho generally identified themselves inethnic rather than religious terms. As aWestern culture, however, Americaexpected its citizens to be at least nominallyreligious—especially after WorldWar II when Americans were fighting“Godless Communism”—so Jews builtand joined the many suburban synagoguesthat dot our landscape today.But, not having been trained to thinkreligiously, North American Jews largelyconversed about ethnic matters—responding to antisemitism and vicariouslyliving through Israel.This conversation is growing tired,especially for the next generation ofJews who have no ethnic memories ofEastern Europe, Yiddish, and the daysbefore the State of Israel was a reality. Ibelieve our challenge today is to reshapethe religious conversation into discussionsabout spirituality, human purpose,and the ultimate meaning of life.How do you believe we should be reshapingthe Jewish conversation today? Addyour voice at reformjudaismmag.org.University of Chicago students joina community that’s all about ideas.No matter who you are or where you’re from,you’ll find a place that allows you to take chances,express your thoughts, and discover your passions.UChicago and the award-winningNewberger Hillel Center support adiverse array of Jewish communitiesthat allow students to explore beingJewish in social, ethnic, cultural,artistic, intellectual, spiritual, andmyriad other ways.HIGHLIGHTSAnnual Latke-Hamantash DebateChicago Center for Jewish StudiesFull kosher meal planInternational Alternative Spring Break tripsJewish fraternity lifeUChicago Birthright TripsFor more information, visit the Newberger Hillel Center at uchicagohillel.org,or the Chicago Center for Jewish Studies at hillelatuchicago.org.collegeadmissions.uchicago.eduWelcome to our new MARKS synagogue clients.Now part of our Chaverware family!!Desktop or Cloud with over 650 installationsFeature-rich, intuitive and completeHighest quality support - polite, prompt and knowledgeableSeamlessly integrated with QuickBooks, Peachtree,Constant Contact and Microsoft Office.800-CHAVER1 (800-242-8371)Www.Chaverware.comMostaffordablesolution forRakefet usersChaverWebSecure online access for your membershipMember editing of demographic dataEvent and Religious School registrationDonations, tributes, account status and paymentOnline directoryOutsourced accountingProvided by our partners at Kesef AccountingDrive organizational efficiencies to yield financial savingsConvenient, timely and more relevant financial statementsComprehensive internal controls, security and governancereform judaism 13 winter 2012

JEWISHLIFEJUDAICAJewish Antiques Appraisal ShowAppraisals by Jonathan GreensteinDear Jonathan,This menorah belonged to my greatgrandfather.Born in Nowy Korcyzn,Poland around 1869, he lived most of hislife in Vienna until leaving Austria in1938 and later settling in the UnitedStates. It has passed down to my grandparents,father, and me, and holds a veryspecial place in my heart. My father andI would like to more about it.Jessica B., URJ temple memberDear Jessica,Wow! This is a magnificent piece ofart, notable for the very unusual griffon(dog breed) heads on each side. It wasmade in Vienna between 1870 and1900. Its hallmarks—the head of Dianain a clover frame as well as the artisan’smark—started in 1867 and ended in the10-Year Level Premium Policies*1920’s; however, from past experience,I believe the piece was created in theearlier years. I have seen examplesof this bench-type style of menorah(shaped like a bench or a couch)—withlions flanking the Decalogue, containingdedication inscriptions—that date to the1890s. It is made of 800 grade silver,meaning it is 80% silver and 20% otheralloys—the silver standard in Austria atthe time. (In contrast, in America we areon the English silver standard, whichis known as sterling, and also knownby 925 silver, meaning it is 92.5% silverand 7.5% other metals.)While the Austrian bench-type Chanukahlamp is fairly common, the additionof the decorative griffon heads(which have no religious significance)enhances its value. Value: $3000.Jonathan Greenstein, founderJ. Greenstein & Co., Inc.Inquiries: Jonathan@JGreenstein.comDear Jonathan,Thank you. The family history ofthis menorah is what we truly value.When we light the menorah, it is as ifour European ancestors are with us.Are YOU Paying TOO MUCHFor LIFE INSURANCE?Transamerica Life Insurance Company offers term life insurance policies whichguarantee that the premiums you pay will remain level for 10, 15, 20, or 30 years.20-Year Level Premium Policies*Issue Age $100,000 $250,000 $1,000,000 Issue Age $100,000 $250,000 $1,000,00030 Male $ 101.00 $ 130.00 $ 320.00 30 Male $ 115.00 $ 167.50 $ 470.00Female 96.00 117.50 270.00 Female 113.00 155.00 400.0040 Male 117.00 157.50 410.00 40 Male 144.00 237.50 750.00Female 109.00 142.50 370.00 Female 136.00 215.00 650.0050 Male 190.00 297.50 970.00 50 Male 286.00 540.00 1,870.00Female 169.00 275.00 850.00 Female 235.00 435.00 1,430.0015-Year Level Premium Policies*30-Year Level Premium Policies*Issue Age $100,000 $250,000 $1,000,000 Issue Age $100,000 $250,000 $1,000,00030 Male $112.00 $150.00 $ 390.00 30 Male $ 147.00 $ 242.50 $ 730.00Female 109.00 132.50 330.00 Female 135.00 207.50 600.0040 Male 127.00 205.00 630.00 40 Male 208.00 385.00 1,220.00Female 123.00 187.50 540.00 Female 168.00 305.00 970.0050 Male 238.00 445.00 1,480.00 50 Male 451.00 887.50 3,010.00Female 195.00 355.00 1,170.00 Female 364.00 702.50 2,300.00Note: Older ages available, call for rates*Annual premiums shown are for preferred plus nonsmoker class. Equivalent premiums are available for other underwritingclasses, ages, face amounts and payment modes.Trendsetter® Super 10 (Form No. 1-306 11-107), Trendsetter® Super 15 (Form No. 1-305 11-107), Trendsetter® Super 20 (Form No. 1-304 11-107), Trendsetter® Super 30 (Form No. 1-334 11-107) are term life insurance policies issued byTransamerica Life Insurance Company, Cedar Rapids, IA 52499. Premiums increase annually starting in in year 11 for the 10-year policy, in year 16 for the 15-year policy, in year 21 for the 20-year policy, and in year 31 for the 30-year policy.Policy forms and numbers may vary and these policies may not be available in all jurisdictions. Insurance eligibility and premiums are subject to underwriting. In most states, in the event of suicide during the first two policy years,death benefits are limited only to the return of premiums paid.Call The Leibowitz Group at 888-448-LEBO for a no obligation quote.****No quotes are final until underwriting is completed. (5326)FLD 327A 0712reform judaism 14 winter 2012

JEWISHLIFEYOUTH ENGAGEMENTLaunching the B’nai Mitzvah RevolutionInterview with Isa Aron and Bradley SolmsenQA recentnationalcensus ofreligiousschoolsshows dropout rates afterbar/bat mitzvah rangingfrom 35% in 8th grade to85% by 12th grade. Whatis the significance ofthis finding for the URJ’sCampaign for YouthEngagement (CYE)?Rabbi Bradley Solmsen, URJdirector of Youth Engagement andco-director of the B’nai MitzvahRevolution: It points to the fact that thebar and bat mitzvah experience can eitherbe a strong point of Jewish continuationor an exit. If our goal is to shift this trend,then we need to ask: How can the ceremony,the preparation, and the aftermathbe deeply engaging and relevant for bothteens and their parents?Our CYE goal is developing opportunitiesto ensure the majority of youth andtheir families remain engaged in Jewishlife from the time they enter our communitiesthrough the rest of their lives.B’nai mitzvah is one of our last majoropportunities to connect with parentsand teens as a unit. Afterward, youngpeople tend to make their own decisionsregarding involvement in the Jewishcommunity, and therefore become moredifficult to engage. That is why we’vemade b’nai mitzvah transformation oneof the first major CYE initiatives.Isa Aron, professor of Jewish Education,HUC-JIR and co-director ofthe B’nai Mitzvah Revolution: Muchof the impetus for this project is comingfrom synagogues that share a growinguneasiness about the way b’nai mitzvahare celebrated, and the fact that b’naimitzvah preparation has, in many cases,supplanted other religious school goals.TEENS FROM CONGREGATION BETH EL OF THE SUDBURY RIVER VALLEYAND THEIR ISRAELI EXCHANGE PARTNERS REST ATOP MASADA, 2012.In many synagogues b’nai mitzvahobservances are standardized, not takinginto account the differences between13-year-olds in terms of maturity andinterest or the differences between familiesin motivation or Jewish identification.Also, the celebrations tend to focuson the individual child’s performance ofa ritual that s/he may not be able to fullyunderstand or appreciate; for example,not having learned the meaning of theHebrew he/she is reciting.How did we get into this situation?Isa: It began in the 1930s and ’40s,when, to address the low rate of synagogueaffiliation and the correspondinglylow rate of enrollment in religiousschools, synagogues and central agenciesof Jewish education banded togetherto impose attendance requirementson students whose families wanted tocelebrate their b’nai mitzvah in a synagogue.In 1945, for example, the NewYork Federation of Reform Synagoguesmandated two years of school attendancebefore a boy reached the age of13. Although these requirements succeededin increasing both synagoguemembership and school enrollment,they had the unintended consequenceof making bar mitzvah preparation—rather than the Jewish engagement andinvolvement of the next generation—thereform judaism 15 winter 2012driving force of the religiousschool curriculum.Why have you termed thisinitiative a “revolution”?Bradley: Nothing short ofa revolution is necessaryto reverse the post-b’naimitzvah dropout trend andensure the Reform Jewishfuture. The change weimagine is of a magnitudethat defies tinkering. Thereis no quick fix. We are planting seedsthat may take a decade or more to bearfruit.Isa: It will require a huge cultural leapto shift the Jewish community fromthe long-held assumption that religiousschool is about preparing kids for theirbar/bat mitzvah to what we believe religiousschool should be about: learninghow to become a committed andinvolved member of the Jewish community.To accomplish this radical change,schools will have to teach Hebrew andt’fillah (prayer) differently, parents willneed to revisit the expectations theybring to b’nai mitzvah, and synagoguesmay need to reconsider and possiblyundo the financial models that manyhave relied upon since the ’40s.Are congregations that have notexperienced post b’nai mitzvahdropouts doing anything differentlyto engage youth?Bradley: Yes. Some congregationsare already revolutionizing b’nai mitzvah.For example, Congregation Beth Elof the Sudbury River Valley, Sudbury,Massachusetts has built a multi-year programaround an exchange between theirteens and teens in Israel which encompassesstudy of modern Zionism andIsraeli history in the 9th grade, parallel

lessons in culture and identity for bothAmerican and Israeli teens in the 10thgrade, ongoing contact in the 11th grade,and the Americans’ continued Israelengagement in the 12th grade. Personalrelationships are key: The Israeli teenscome to Boston for 10 days, the Americanteens travel to Israel for about twoweeks, and the entire congregation takespart in the interaction. Younger studentswant to have this experience—motivatedby the emails the older teens send abouttheir Israel experience, by hearing theolder kids speak about it during teen presentationsto their religious school class,and by meeting the visiting Israeli teens.And because young people must enrollin the high school in order to participate,there is a strong incentive to continuetheir active formal Jewish education inthe post-bar/bat mitzvah years. Last yearBeth El retained 95% of their seventhgrade class into eighth grade, and sincethe program began in 2005-06, they’venever lost more than two students.We will also look at models outsidethe synagogue. I’m very impressed bythe way some kibbutzim in Israelapproach bar/bat mitzvah. Young peoplework individually, with their parents, andas a group on a year-long project theypresent to the community. Most have analiyah to the Torah and a second ceremonyconnected to a project they’ve chosenthat is meaningful in their daily lives.Some or all of this model might be usefulfor our own revolution.What are the revolution’s goals?Bradley: To generate new ideas anddirections for meaningful b’nai mitzvahcelebrations; to create models of b’naimitzvah preparation that engage individualsand their families; to promote moreeffective methods for teaching Hebrewand prayer; to engage synagogue professionalsin documenting these innovationsthrough “action research”; and sharingtheir findings, models, and resourceswithin a peer network as well as an everwideninggroup of congregations.What is “action research”?Have you ever invested in something youthought impossible to achieve?I’ve been doing it all my life.Michael SteinhardtWall Street Legend & Jewish PhilanthropistMy latest investment is the extraordinary American Hebrew Academy, the nation’s onlyinternational college prep Jewish boarding high school. Founded in 2001 as a boldvision, the American Hebrew Academy is now recognized around the world foracademic excellence and leadership. Like other programs that I’ve founded – Taglit-Birthright and The Partnership for Excellence in Jewish Education – The AmericanHebrew Academy perpetuates Jewish values and identity in a profound way, providingaccess to Jewish education never before offered.Join me by investing in the next generation of Jewish leaders, today.Want to learn more? Visit http://impossibleachievements.orgAmerican Hebrew AcademyAn International Jewish College Prep Boarding SchoolIsa: In “action research,” practitionerscollect data about their setting, analyzewhat’s working and what’s not, experimentwith practices that might yield agreater success rate, and again collectnecessary data. This process will berevolutionary in and of itself, as it askssynagogue leaders to conduct research onthe effectiveness of their own practices.Over the past two decades many congregationalinnovations have gone unnoticed,or been underappreciated. Actionresearch will help ensure that the accumulatedinsights gained are widely shared.We also hope that synagogue leaderswill “get” the action research “bug,” anduse it in other situations as well.Will a revolution in b’nai mitzvahhave a similarly profound impacton religious school education?Isa: Yes. I anticipate congregations willbegin to ask themselves, “What kindof Hebrew should we be teaching, andfor what purpose?” as well as “Whatis prayer and how should we teach it?”Instruction in both areas has been drivenby the expectation that the ultimate goalis for the student to perform well at his/reform judaism 16 winter 2012

LOOKING FOR AN ADVENTURE?SERVE ABROAD WITH AJWS!Spend your Summer In…Africa, Asia, or Central AmericaVOLUNTEER SUMMERWHO: Students and grads (16-24)WHEN: June–Aug 2013WHAT: Live with new friends in alocal community, help fight povertyand learn about human rights andtikkun olamBONUS: Post-program trainings andadvocacyAPPLY NOW!Spend Your Year In…IndiaWORLD PARTNERS FELLOWSHIPWHO: Recent college gradsWHEN: Sept 2013–Aug 2014WHAT: Immerse yourself in Indianculture and intern with a grassrootsNGO working on internationaldevelopment.BONUS: This competitivefellowship is funded!www.ajws.org/serveMaking the Journey YoursIN ISRAEL and AROUND THE WORLDAyelet Bar/Bat Mitzvahand Family ToursCreating Lifelong MemoriesIn Depth Jewish Heritage ToursGuaranteed Weekly DeparturesChoose from 9,11,12 & 14 nights.Join Prof. Stephen Berk’s TRAVELING UNIVERSITY.Eastern EuropeNov 11—21, 2012Jun 16—27, 2013ChinaNov 4 —16, 2013www.ayelet.com800-237-1517www.fb.com/AyeletToursayelet@ayelet.comher bar/bat mitzvah. So students spendyears in religious school learning howto sound out very complicated Hebrewwords in the prayerbook without everlearning what they mean. Likewise,they are taught to recite prayers withoutany prior exploration of spirituality.Changing the “performance” dimensionof b’nai mitzvah will allow schools toteach for meaning, rather than for show.What are your next steps?Isa: From now until the end of 2014, apilot group of 14 Reform congregationswill conduct and document their ownb’nai mitzvah experiments, aided by avariety of consultants in such areas ascongregational change, curriculum development,t’fillah, and action research. Inaddition, an Action Network comprisinga larger cohort of congregations will partnerwith us to advance all of our workin the area of bar/bat mitzvah. Findingswill be shared on the project websiteurj.org/bnaimitzvah as well as at webconferences, face-to-face meetings, andsite visits. In 2014 the experiments andoutcomes will be presented at a nationalconference, and a larger group of congregationswill be invited to participate.Visit the website for more information.What is your best-case scenario?Bradley: In 10 years, we hope to seenew forms of ceremonies and celebrationsof bar and bat mitzvah. Thesechanges may well have larger impactson the entire congregation.Aren’t you investing a lot of hopein this one idea?Isa: Yes, and as change consultantspoint out, just because you have a goodidea doesn’t mean that it’s going towork. Much will depend on how weintroduce new approaches and how wehelp synagogues manage the changesthey are instigating. What we do knowis that the current model is broken, andwe have to find a better way of educatingand engaging our youth. Utilizingcongregational experimentation, actionresearch, and community networks, webelieve we will find that better way.reform judaism 18 winter 2012

JEWISHLIFEWORLDVIEWWhy Do We Need Religion? Ask DarwinBy Jonathan Sacks© Nicku / Dreamstime.comIt was none other than CharlesDarwin who gave us oneof the great arguments forreligion. He tells the story inThe Descent of Man.It began with a paradox Darwinnoticed at the heart of his system. Ifevolution is the struggle to survive,if life is a competition for scarceresources, if the strong win and theweak die, then everywhere ruthlessnessshould prevail. But it doesnot. All societies value altruism.People esteem those who makesacrifices for the sake of others.This, in Darwinian terms, does notseem to make sense at all, and hewas honest enough to admit it.The bravest, most sacrificial people, hewrote, “would on average perish in largernumber than other men.” A noble man“would often leave no offspring to inherithis noble nature.” It seems scarcely possible,he wrote, that virtue “could beincreased through natural selection, thatis, by survival of the fittest.”It is a measure of Darwin’s greatnessthat he acknowledged the answer, eventhough it contradicted his general thesis.Natural selection operates at the levelof the individual. It is as individual menand women that we pass on our genes.But civilization works at the level of thegroup. As he put it: “A tribe includingmany members who, from possessingin a high degree the spirit of patriotism,fidelity, obedience, courage, and sympathy,were always ready to give aid toeach other and to sacrifice themselvesfor the common good, would be victori-Rabbi Jonathan Sacks is Chief Rabbi ofthe United Hebrew Congregations of GreatBritain and the Commonwealth. From TheGreat Partnership by Jonathan Sacks. Copyright© 2012 by Jonathan Sacks. Publishedby arrangement with Schocken Books, animprint of the Knopf Doubleday PublishingGroup, a division of Random House, Inc.CHARLES DARWINous over most other tribes; and thiswould be natural selection.”How to get from the individual tothe group was, he said, “at presentmuch too difficult to be solved.”Technically, this is known as the “freerider” problem. It is always in my interestto pay less or take more than myshare in some public amenity: to travelon a bus, for example, without payingfor a ticket. Public goods depend oneveryone sharing the burden. If I canavoid paying, it will be to my advantage;but if everyone did so, the system wouldcollapse. So, for its own survival, everygroup has to devise ways of detectingand discouraging free riders.One way of doing so is to erectcomplex systems of law, regulation,inspection, detection, surveillance, andprosecution. But these are costly andcumbersome and do not always work.The alternative is to create, within theminds of individuals, an identificationwith and concern for the group as awhole so strong that it defeats the constanttemptation to become a free rider.This generates “high trust” societieswhere enforcement costs are low andadaptability swift. Any group in whichall the members can trust one another isat a massive advantage to others.There are three ways of gettingindividuals to act for the benefit ofthe group. One is power: we forcethem to. The second is wealth: wepay them to. But the danger in bothis that strong individuals will outwitthe system, using power orwealth for their own advantage.The third alternative is to educatepeople to see that the welfare of othersmatters as much as their own. Nosystem has done this more effectivelythan religion. Religion teaches usthat we are part of the whole, athread in the fabric of God’s creation,a note in the symphony of life.Religion binds people into groups.Faith is the ability to see ourselves asjoined to others by God’s love.Great religious texts also have thepower to inspire the moral imagination.Reading the Bible, we encounter Godlistening to the prayer of a childlesswoman and giving her a child; Mosesconfronting Pharaoh and demanding thathe let his people go; the prophets fearlesslycondemning kings and priests fortheir corruption. This is morality at itsmost dramatic and world-transforming.Ultimately there is a differencebetween discovering morality andinventing it. Discovering it means thatit exists independently of our will. Itcomes to us as a call from the heart ofbeing. Love the stranger. Feed the hungry.Visit the sick. Stretch out your handto the poor. Do not hate. Do not takerevenge. Do not stand idly by in the faceof injustice. Forgive. I, the Lord, do thesethings. Go thou and do likewise. Thepower of these teachings lifts the humanspirit and mobilizes moral energies.It is not my contention that one needsto be religious or believe in God to bemoral. We see goodness in Bill Gatesand Warren Buffett giving away billionsof dollars to charity, in the nurse whosecontinued on page 48reform judaism 19 winter 2012

Chanukah Quiz Answerscontinued from page 102. C. The actual translation of Ma’ozTzur is “Mighty rock of my salvation.”“Rock of ages” is a paraphrase tobetter fit the music. Source: JewishHeritage Online3. C. Ladino. Flory Jagoda, the composerof Ocho Kandelikas, was bornin Bosnia and immigrated to the U.S.She works to preserve the memory ofher former community through Ladinosongs. Source: Library of CongressSpeakers’ Biographies online4. C. Tom Lehrer wrote Chanukah inSanta Monica for a 1990 broadcastof Garrison Keillor’s “The AmericanRadio Company” (now “A PrairieHome Companion”) to remedy thescarcity of Chanukah songs. Sources:CrazyCollege.org and Outre Magazine(interviews with Tom Lehrer)5. D. In 1746, George Frederick Handelcomposed Judas Maccabaeus basedon a libretto written by ThomasMorell to compliment the victoriousPrince William Augustus, Duke ofCumberland, upon his return fromthe Battle of Culloden. Source:New Groves Dictionary of Music6. C. In 1983, Peter Yarrow of Peter,Paul, and Mary wrote Light OneCandle as “a call for peace andreconciliation,” Yarrow says.Source: Children’s Education Fund7. A. In the Yiddish version of thissong, I Am a Little Dreidel, the dreidelis made of bly, meaning lead, andin the English version it is made ofclay. Whereas the song’s meaningis largely the same in both versions,in English the singer sings abouta dreidel, whereas in Yiddish thesinger is the dreidel. Source: JewishHolidays in Song by Velvel Pasternak8. C. Michelle Citrin’s Pass the Candlefrom Left to Right has had 65,000+hits on YouTube. She also wrotea Passover song that went viral onYouTube: 20 Things To Do WithMatzah. Source: YouTube.comU.S. Postal Services Statement of Ownership, Management and Circulation1. Publication Title: Reform Judaism. 2. Publication No.: 0482-0819. 3. Date of Filing: September 11, 2012. 4. Issue Frequency: 4 times a year. 5. No. of IssuesPublished Annually: 4. 6. Annual Subscription Price: $12.00. 7. Complete Mailing Address of Known Office of Publication: 633 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017-6778.8. Complete Mailing Address of Headquarters or General Business Office of Publisher: Union for Reform Judaism, 633 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017-6778. 9. FullNames and Complete Mailing Addresses of Publisher, Editor, and Managing Editor: Publisher: Union for Reform Judaism, 633 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017-6778;Editor: Aron Hirt-Manheimer, 633 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017-6778; Managing Editor: Joy Weinberg, 633 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017-6778. 10. Owner:Union for Reform Judaism, 633 Third Avenue, New York, NY 10017-6778, incorporated as a nonprofit organization. No stockholders. 11. Known Bondholders, Mortgages,and Other Security Holders Owning or Holding 1 Percent or More of Total Amount of Bonds, Mortgages or Other Securities: None. 12. The purpose, function, and nonprofitstatus of this organization and the exempt status for Federal income tax purposes, a., have not changed during preceding 12 months. 13. Publication: Reform Judaism.14. Issue Date for Circulation Data Below: Fall 2012. 15. Extent and Nature of Circulation: Average No. Copies Each Issue During Preceding 12 Months: A. Total No. Copies:292,463. B. Paid Circulation (By Mail and Outside the Mail): (1) Mailed Outside County Paid Subscriptions Stated on PS Form 3541: 276,186. (2) Mailed In-County PaidSubscriptions Stated on PS Form 3541: 0. (3) Paid Distribution Outside the Mails Including Dealers and Carriers, Street Vendors, Counter Sales, and Other Paid DistributionOutside USPS: 8,815. (4) Paid Distribution by Other Classes of Mail Through the USPS: 105. C. Total Paid Distribution: 285,106. D. Free or Nominal Rate Distribution(By Mail and Outside the Mail): (1) Free or Nominal Rate Outside County Copies Included on PS Form 3541: 0. 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Free or Nominal Rate Distribution (By Mail and Outside the Mail): (1) Free or Nominal Rate Outside County Copies Included on PS Form3541: 0. (2) Free or Nominal Rate In-County Copies Included on PS Form 3541: 0. (3) Free or Nominal Rate Copies Mailed at Other Classes Through the USPS: 376.(4) Free or Nominal Rate Distribution Outside the Mail: 352. E. Total Free or Nominal Rate Distribution: 728. F. Total Distribution: 282,979. G. Copies Not Distributed: 211.H. Total: 283,190. I. Percent Paid: 99.74%. 16. I certify that all information furnished on this form is true and complete: Joy Weinberg, Managing Editor.reform judaism 20 winter 2012

Be the change youwant to see in the worldBecome a Rabbi, Cantor, Leader in Jewish Education,Jewish Nonprofit Management Professional, or ScholarNominate an OutstandingIndividual at admissions@huc.eduOpen Houses in Cincinnati, Jerusalem,Los Angeles, and New York in AprilProgram Visit Days: Take a DeeperLook at the Program of Your ChoiceLeadership Programsfor High School Students at theAmerican Jewish Archives in CincinnatiJanuary 25-27, 2013March 8-10, 2013HUC-JIR on Campus, inCommunities, and at Conferenceshuc.edu/RJMagadmissions@huc.eduWith the support of theJIM JOSEPHFOUNDATIONShimon ben JosephGenerousScholarshipsAvailableHEBREW UNION COLLEGE –JEWISH INSTITUTE OF RELIGION,usvhv hgsnk iufn – 'dkue iuhbuh urchv CINCINNATI JERUSALEM LOS ANGELES NEW YORK WWW.HUC.EDU

Yoav Schlesinger, 32Executive Director of RebootFORTHEIn this RJ symposium, 20s and 30s speak candidlyabout what young adults want and need to findtheir home in the Jewish community. Historian andBrandeis University professor Jonathan Sarna setsthe stage, shedding light on what history can teach usabout the challenge of engaging the next generationof Jews and what to make of young Jewish leaderswho are questioning and disrupting the establishment.Rebecca Missel, 32President of Jersey Tribereform judaism 22 winter 2012

David Cygielman, 30CEO of Moishe HouseJosh Nelson, 34Leader of The Josh Nelson ProjectFounding Executive Director of G-dcastSarah Lefton, 38David Gerber, 32Assistant Rabbi of Congregation Beth Orreform judaism 23 winter 2012

FORTHEThe Discontinuity of Continuityan interview with Jonathan D. SarnaFrom your observations as a Jewish historian, whatdifferentiates today’s 20s and 30s from those of previousgenerations in terms of Jewish engagement?HERE IS A GENERATIONALdisconnect between elders whogrew up before the Internet ageand young people who grew upin a post-Internet age. Those whoare tethered to technology areliterally on a different wavelengththan earlier generations. Theyare in constant “virtual” touchwith one another; they read onscreen instead of in books; and they can meet their friendson Facebook, so they have no need to meet them at thesynagogue or the JCC.Young Jews also do not understand the worldview ofthe so-called Jewish establishment. For Jews in their 50sand 60s, like me, the Six-Day War in 1967 shaped theway we think about Israel and about our responsibilitiesas Jews. Likewise, the Soviet Jewry movement taughtus to work together as Jews to help save our brethrenabroad. Young Jews today don’t remember the Six-DayWar; instead, they came of age when Israel had becomemuch more controversial and when no large group of persecutedJews anywhere in the world has had to be saved.In addition, 20- and 30-year-olds—like all youngAmericans—have been shaped and battered by two centralevents: September 11, 2001 and the economic collapseof 2008. Is it any wonder that they tend to be suspiciousof big institutions, including big Jewish institutions?They have watched too many of those institutions collapse.People like me, who were adults during the 1980sand ’90s, watched an ever-more-prosperous AmericanJewish community create one big thing after another:lofty buildings, innovative programs, bold visions. Ourchildren, by contrast, watched that prosperity evaporate.Their question is not “What’s the next big thing?”but “What can we reasonably and responsibly sustain?”Finally, the new generation approaches problem-solvingdifferently. Since the Progressive era early in the 20thcentury, the American Jewish community has believedin central planning. We create a multi-year plan to actualizea vision and then follow a predetermined, step-bystepprocess to get there. Change in this model comesslowly and deliberately. By contrast, today’s young peoplelook at who is at the forefront of change and see nimblestart-ups and disruptive technologies. If you have anidea, they believe, you should carry it out—right now.They are not afraid of failure. They understand that in astart-up culture, 90% fail and 10% succeed. What they arenot interested in is “continuity.” The people they respectare agents of change, people like Steve Jobs who are notafraid to break things.Do you see this as a period of renaissanceor stagnation for the Jewish community?I’d say that across the spectrum of North American faiths,we are currently experiencing what may someday becomeknown as the Great Religious Recession. Protestants,Catholics, and Jews, mega-churches and tiny templesare all witnessing membership declines as young peopleshift away from religious institutions.In contrast, in the 1970s, America’s religions, Judaismincluded, experienced an “awakening”—an unan-reform judaism 24 winter 2012

ticipated religious revival. I watched it at Hebrew UnionCollege, where some students donned yarmulkes, triedon tefillin, and began keeping kosher. Soon, the ReformMovement as a whole embraced more rituals—yarmulkesand prayer shawls became common in the pews;and on Rosh Hashanah, some Reform congregationseven took up tashlich, the medieval custom of castingone’s sins into the sea. More significantly, Jews acrossthe spectrum began to engage in serious Jewish learningthrough such programs as Wexner Heritage, Me’ah, andthe Melton Mini Schools. Everybody at that time knewyoung people who had become much more religiouslycommitted than their parents.Well, religion is a bit like gravity: what goes up mustcome down. Every revival is followed by a period ofbacksliding, and this one is no exception.When else did we witness backslidingin religiosity in America?The late 1920s and early 1930s could also be considereda period of “Religious Depression.” At the ninthbiennial of the National Federation of Temple Sisterhoods(today’s Women of Reform Judaism) in 1931, forexample, the topic was: “The Cause and the Cure of theLaxity of our Youth in Religion,” and plenty of blamewas cast on the “older generation,” the “times in whichwe live,” “the environment,” “[Jewish] associations,” and,of course, on the synagogue, which was allegedly “notconcerning itself sufficiently with the very vital thingsof today.” Looking back, though, the religious recessionof the 1920s and ’30s was also driven in part by automotivetechnology—having a car offered Americans manycompeting secular things to do on the weekends. Myguess is that today, Internet/social media technology ispartly driving the current religious recession. Nowadaysnobody needs to go to temple to catch up with friends orlearn about Judaism.Are you optimistic about the Jewish future?Overall, I am optimistic. This generation of native-bornAmerican and Canadian Jews is better educated Jewishlythan any of its predecessors as a result of day schools,camps, university-based Jewish Studies, and Israel programs.For example, the independent minyan movementhas been heavily influenced by Jews who seek a Shabbatworship experience like the ones they enjoyed in Israel,and its standards of learning are higher than those of the1970s chavurah movement because its leaders are muchmore Jewishly knowledgeable. In time, the payoff fromthis Jewish learning will be a new Jewish renaissance,fueled by young Jewish women and men who can readJewish sources on their own, understand Jewish historyand tradition, and apply that knowledge to fuse pastand present into a new synthesis that will steer us aheadto the future.Remember, too, that historically, young outsiders haveoften become future Jewish leaders. Many of the wildand rebellious Jews who dressed differently and worelong hair with pride in the 1960s later joined the Jewishestablishment and reshaped North American Jewry.The fact that our synagogues and temples today area lot less stuffy and formal, and there is an emphasis on“doing Jewish” and not just sitting passively in the pewsis, in good part, a tribute to the values that these oncerebelliousJews introduced into post-1960s Jewish life.In addition, the intense engagement of today’s youngJews, marked by a willingness to question, to disrupt,and to act, signals a significant Jewish renaissance on the“Many of the wild andrebellious Jews whodressed differently andwore long hair with pridein the 1960s later joinedthe Jewish establishment andreshaped North American Jewry.”— Jonathan D. Sarnahorizon. As they create one Jewish start-up after another,they are likely to move from the periphery to the centerof Jewish life, from being the so-called enfants terribles,the terrible children, to being the leaders of thenext generation.The Jewish establishment needs to nurture these innovators.Historically, we’ve benefited by giving youngpeople opportunities to experiment. For example, in the1870s, a group of young Jews from New York and Philadelphiapledged to bring Jews back to “the ancient faith.”They created the weekly newspaper American Hebrew,which was livelier, edgier, more willing to debate issues,and more critical of Jewish leadership than any Jewishnewspaper in the United States to that time. Theylaunched a revolution in adult Jewish learning throughclasses, books, and eventually the great compendiumof Jewish learning known as the Jewish Encyclopedia.They engaged women such as the poet Emma Lazarus(who rediscovered Judaism, battled antisemitism, andchampioned a return to Zion) and Henrietta Szold (themost learned Jewish woman of her day, who later foundedHadassah), understanding that women would have amajor role to play in “saving Judaism.” And they tookadvantage of new developments in transportation (trains,streetcars) and communication (the telephone) to linkJews together in new ways and promote Jewish learning.All of this cost money, and fortunately, farsighted Jewssuch as philanthropist Jacob Schiff supported the newendeavors. The result was a 20th-century Jewish communitythat was better educated, better organized, andbetter prepared to take up new responsibilities than its19th-century predecessor.reform judaism 25 winter 2012

FOR THESo should we be nurturinga culture of transformation?No question, transformative programs are just as impactfultoday, as Birthright Israel (which awards Jews ages18-26 a free trip to Israel) has taught us. The danger, however,is that we shift so many resources to transformativeprograms that we forget that we also need formativeones. To those who ask, “Why invest in Jewish educationwhen summer camp and Birthright Israel seem tomake more of an impact?” I say, “Would you scrap thepublic school system and reallocate all the funds investedin elementary, middle, and high school education intosummer and teen programs?” That would be absurd. Andit’s likewise absurd for us to completely abandon formativeprograms for transformative ones. We need both.I deeply believe that only a person who possesses Jewishknowledge can make an informed decision concerningJewish life. My parents wisely insisted that I neededa strong foundational Jewish education. Even if I laterdecided to reject everything, they said, I needed to knowwhat it was that I was rejecting. “I want you to reject onthe basis of knowledge,” my dad would repeat, “and noton the basis of ignorance.” I have followed this examplewith my own children.I’m not saying that there’s only one way to transmitJewish learning. We need to investigate, experiment,and see what works best. E-learning, I suspect, is fullof promise. But I’m not willing to give up on traditionalJewish education altogether, because at the end of theday, across the spectrum of Jewish life, we want informedJews making informed Jewish choices.What else does the Jewish communityneed to do to position itself for success?We have to use our resources more efficiently. Manysynagogue facilities are drastically underutilized, sittingvacant sometimes six days a week. Here we can learn“In order to create strongJewish communities for thefuture, established institutionsmust understandthat the infrastructure theyhave built may not be what mygeneration is willing to take on.”— David Cygielmanfrom Chabad, which has pioneered multiuse facilitiesthat usually also house the rabbi and his family.Ultimately, the key for success is to embrace change.The Reform Movement’s continued success is a testamentto its ability to change, as seen in its evolving views onbar mitzvah, Israel, ritual, and much more. Now thereare new things to be changed in the face of a young generationthat challenges the assumptions and norms of itselders. Change will keep us going—if we do it right.HOME SHULINGName: David CygielmanAge: 30Profession: CEO of Moishe HouseJewish Childhood & College Experiences:he defining Jewish experience of my youthwas a six-week summer teen trip to Europeand Israel in 1997. For 42 days I was surroundedby Jewish friends, who remainsome of my closest friends to this day. Duringthe week leading up to Israel, we visitedthe Theresienstadt concentration camp. I’d grown uphearing Holocaust stories from my grandparents; seeinga camp firsthand and connecting it to my grandparents’stories deepened my sense of commitment to the Jewishpeople.Inspired by that trip, upon entering UC Santa BarbaraI joined the Jewish fraternity Alpha Epsilon Pi, gotinvolved in Hillel, and became Reform youth group advisorat Congregation B’nai B’rith. By sophomore year Iwas gearing up to backpack through Europe and take mynext trimester in Israel when my father was diagnosedwith terminal pancreatic cancer. Our family’s situationchanged dramatically. In order to finish out the year, Iapplied for a $2,000 loan from the Hebrew Free LoanAssociation in Santa Barbara; if it was granted, I plannedto work over the summer to pay it back. Two interviewslater, I received a life-changing phone call: The committeehad met with the Jewish Community Foundation ofSanta Barbara and decided to pay my final two years ofcollege tuition in full, not as a loan, as long as for thoseyears I continued my Jewish involvement on campusand in Santa Barbara. Then I knew without a doubt: Theplace I wanted to dedicate my time and energy was theJewish community.The following year at Hillel I met Morris Squire, 80, alongtime Santa Barbara resident known for his quirkinessand his adamant opinions on everything. One Saturdaymorning in the Hillel building he asked me, “If you hada million dollars but could not spend it on yourself, whatwould you do with it?” I remember rambling on about awhole bunch of ideas until he cut me off, handed me hiscard, and said to be in touch. When I called him the followingweek, he invited me to his home. Before I left,he wrote a $10,000 check to Hillel and said I would bereform judaism 26 winter 2012

in charge of it. What an opportunity! It was the largestcheck I had ever seen. Each week I would return to hishouse and share what we did with the money. So, everyweek for the rest of college and beyond, I visited hishome. Over the years we developed 100+ programs inSanta Barbara, including afterschool programs for kidsand a teen leadership training workshop. We were runningwith so many ideas, he was donating $1 million ayear! His absolute trust in my leadership and direction,along with his impatience and insistence on immediateresults, gave me the audacity to think I could accomplishtremendous change in the world.Perspectives on Engaging 20s and 30s: Post-college,I discovered I was too old for Jewish life on campus buttoo young for many local institutions. Then, while visitingmy family in the Bay Area, I had dinner with fourfriends from our 1997 teen trip who were all renting afour-bedroom house. Like me, they felt alienated fromorganized Jewish life, but had a huge number of Jewishfriends, a place to host them (their house), and a desireto be Jewish community leaders.That’s when the idea hit me: We could create Jewishcommunities by giving young adults the opportunity tolive together and turn their homes into vibrant Jewishcommunities. I proposed the idea to Morris, and he wason board, so these four guys in their early 20s hosted aShabbat dinner—and 73 people came! The followingweek an attendee emailed us to say it was a tremendousexperience and asked if he could start a similar homebasedprogram across the bay, in San Francisco. Today46 Moishe Houses engage 30,000+ young adults in 14countries, offering 275 different monthly programs. We’renow serving more post-college, 20-something Jews thanany other organization worldwide.The Jewish establishment is working hard to understandthe needs of our demographic, but the classic model ofhiring someone to run young adult programs to penetratethis population has not produced the desired result. Typically,this is a junior position that demands work duringthe day and then events on nights/weekends—a very difficultwork/life balance that leads to high turnover. Moresuccessful in attracting young adults are new approachesto existing synagogue models such as IKAR in LA,Kavanna in Seattle, and Mishkan in Chicago, prayer communitiesthat are built around their age demographic andare not cost prohibitive because they do not have a traditionalsynagogue infrastructure. Although my wife andI maintain our membership at Congregation B’nai B’rith,which is 300 miles away, we are certainly in the minority.In order to create strong Jewish communities for thefuture, established institutions must understand that theinfrastructure they have built may not be what my generationis willing to take on. We need to put the needs ofpotential participants first and foremost.I am optimistic about the Jewish future. Just as theconcerns of today continue to evolve, so will we learncollectively how to address them.REBOOTING JUDAISMName: Yoav SchlesingerAge: 32Profession: Executive Director of RebootJewish Childhood & College Experiences:am an RK (rabbi’s kid). I went to shul every Shabbosfor years on end, attended a Conservative day school,read Torah by age 9, and led all of Shacharit and Musafin addition to the entire Torah reading for my bar mitzvah.As a teenager I was never permitted to attend aparty on a Friday night, a time reserved for a mandatoryfamily Shabbat dinner replete with blessings andsinging, and often I experienced our family being subjectto scrutiny, unrealistic expectations, and community intrusiveness.So I hated most of it, and did my share of rebelling,including putting a Christmas tree in my room inhigh school—after all, what could possibly anger my parentsmore? Still, I came away with a strong sense of Jewishidentity—our family was in it together, after all—andan appreciation of the beauty of Jewish ritual as well asthe importance of community, family, and tradition.Then, at Stanford University I discovered a thrivingOrthodox minyan and a group that breathed new life intothe formerly dormant kosher co-op by cooking Shabbatdinners for 40–60 people. We all wanted a thriving Jewishcommunity. That’s when I realized how critical communityis to the enterprise of living an authentic Jewish life.Observing Shabbat by oneself is fine; it’s something todo. But it can also be a tircha, a burden. Shabbat is revelatorywhen it’s celebrated at a sparkling table, or whenthe service moves to lunch at a friend’s home, followed bytime in the park with loved ones and a group havdalah.“The Jewish establishmentcontinues to throw darts ata board, hoping to find the‘killer app’ that will bringin this age group. But theirneeds are not met by belonging;they’re met by experiencing.”— Yoav SchlesingerJewish life is communal life. There is something powerful,magical, and important in doing things together.Perspectives on Engaging 20s and 30s: I love Judaismand the Jewish community for allowing me the fullexpression of my personhood. I am a Jew with a tattoo, anonobservant theist, an unapologetic culturalist, a determinedskeptic, a lover of yiddishkeit and of Carlebachmelodies, a sukkah builder and a yontif chazzan (holidaycantor), a hater of orthopraxy (“correct” action forreform judaism 27 winter 2012

FOR THEaction’s sake), a community builder, and a reluctant communitymember. Where else could I be all of these things?At the same time, I’m not entirely certain I’d ever join asynagogue. There are lots of reasons people belong to synagogues,but I fear it’s all too often out of a sense of obligationrather than meaning or value. Most people don’t showup except on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. And why?Perhaps because, for them, the perceived value of belongingto a synagogue is to enable a child to attend Hebrewschool and become bar or bat mitzvah’d. Thousands of dollarsa year to “belong”? The only place most of those inmy cohort pay such a fee is to a gym, where the return oninvestment is clear. Unfortunately, the synagogue has failedto clarify its own value or present an appealing vision ofJewishness beyond obligatory dues-paying membership.Where do I find a compelling vision for what Jewishnessmight be? In Reboot, where I serve as ExecutiveDirector. It’s a platform for innovation and experimentation,a cultural collective and incubator, a think tank thatdraws incredible minds who are unengaged with the Jewishcommunity to answer questions such as “Who am I?”“What am I inheriting?” and “What, if anything, do I wantto do about it?” The answers to these questions have beentestaments to the relevance of Jewish tradition in modernlife: 10 radically reinvented sukkahs built in New YorkCity’s Union Square, an international modern day of restand tech detox, an all-night reinvention of a Tikkun LeilShavuot, a digital reflection during the 10 days betweenRosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. That’s how you drawpeople to Judaism—new, flexible platforms for Jewishexperimentation, renewal, iteration, and reinvention.The Jewish establishment is trying to meet the needsof 20s and 30s, but they’re failing. They continue to throwdarts at a board, hoping to find the “killer app” that willbring in this age group. And therein lies the fundamentalproblem—the message has always been about belongingto an institution. The needs of this age cohort are not metby belonging; they’re met by experiencing. ➢“How many times cana young person go to asynagogue alone and beignored by the membershipand leadership beforehe/she decides to give up?”— Rebecca MisselIf Jewish life is going to appeal to Jews under 40, Jewishleaders will need to humbly divest themselves of failinginstitutions that no longer serve their populations. Likethe most successful companies, they need to be willing toslaughter their sacred cows when consumers aren’t buyingwhat they’re selling and to funnel their dollars instead tomore successful enterprises. They will have to accept rapid,radical, and revolutionary change that will entirely redefinetheir jobs. And they will have to suffuse content into theirofferings, because Judaism Lite isn’t appealing. Jews gatheringwith Jews for no other purpose than being with otherJews (whether for a young adult happy hour or an excursionto a baseball game) is supremely unsatisfying. Meaning willonly come when young people are presented with an authentic,resonant, approachable form of Jewishness.I’m pessimistic about the Jewish future when it comesto the formal institutions we’ve created for ourselves.Jewishness will go on, but the Jewish establishment ascurrently configured is in peril. There’s a serious paucityof good ideas, and even scarcer funds to make them happen.The ones that do work are more a product of theircharismatic, visionary leadership than their form orfunction. Jewishness is in serious need of rebranding, ofreinvention. Is there enough courage to discard the outmodedpatterns of behavior and reinvent from scratch?The rabbis of Yavneh managed to reinvent Temple worshipand formulate the Mishnah, a radically new approachto Jewish life in the post-Temple period. Who will be ourYohanan Ben-Zakkai or Hillel? At this point I’m not confidenthe or she exists. Members of the Reboot network willmake valuable contributions here, but this work alone willnot be enough to radically reinvent modern Jewishness. Itwill take more collaboration, more innovation, more tolerancefor failure, more reconfiguration of existing tropes,more unity of purpose, more disruption, and more activeembrace of that disruption.REVIVING THE TRIBEName: Rebecca MisselAge: 32Profession: Manager of grants administration,Union for Reform Judaism.Jewish Childhood Experiences:resident of our Conservative congregation’syouth group chapter; attended religious school;my parents were synagogue leaders (religiousschool teacher, sisterhood president); our familyregularly attended services, had Shabbatdinners at home, and celebrated holidays; my maternalgrandparents are Holocaust survivors. Also, we were oneof the only Jewish families in our school and city, whichmeant I was often an outsider—but that also enabled meto empathize and understand other marginalized groupsin society. I consider that a great gift.➢reform judaism 28 winter 2012

Perspectives on Engaging 20s and 30s: Ten years out ofcollege, I still have not found a synagogue community I cancall my own and choose to support with my time, energy,and dollars. My friends and I have a constant conversationevery fall: Where are you going for the holidays? We floataround from shul to shul, taking advantage of complimentaryticket programs and making nominal donations, butnone of the congregations ever embrace me, invite me tocome back for a service or Shabbat dinner, or even add meto their mailing list. So why should I join?If I could find a congregation that “got it” when it cameto 20s and 30s, that showed me it can offer something forpeople like me who are transplants and not yet marriedwith kids, I would absolutely want to get involved. And if itoffered flexible membership rates, I might ultimately join.Young Jews in big cities have innovative options, groupssuch as Riverway in Boston, Romemu in New York, andIKAR in Los Angeles—vibrant, Jewishly engaging, fun, excitingcommunities of young adults. Those of us living outsidethese major population centers, however, are still stuck witholder congregations that don’t speak our language and don’tunderstand what it means to be young today. They do thingsthe way they were always done and think they’re “up to date”if they have a semi-functional (albeit still outdated) website.If an organization’s website doesn’t speak to me as a youngadult, then I know the organization probably won’t either.Meanwhile, I lead Jersey Tribe, an organization I foundedin December 2009 that offers social, educational, volunteer,religious, and philanthropic programs for JewishNew Jerseyans in their 20s and 30s from across the religiousand relationship spectrum. We fill a significant needat a time when more established Jewish organizationsare, by and large, doing a terrible job of meeting youngJews’ needs. Congregations are stuck in outdated modesof engagement, focused on membership as the ultimateend. They are not attentive to what compels people to joinorganizations and fail at being welcoming and inviting.How many times can a young person go to a synagoguealone and be ignored by the membership and leadershipbefore he/she decides to give up? In contrast, when youshow up at Chabad, people will be incredibly friendlyto you, will invite you into their homes, will want to getto know you, will encourage you to come again. Theywon’t care if you ever had a bar/bat mitzvah, what kindof car you drive, if you have a lot of money. They knowyou are a Jew and accept you no matter what. We needto incorporate Chabad’s concepts into our own practices.From my experience with Jersey Tribe, I’ve learnedthat young Jews feel compelled to participate in a Jewishcommunity when it speaks to their needs—whethersocial, religious, or activist. Going on a hike might not bea specifically Jewish activity, but the choice to attend ahike with a Jewish group versus a secular group reflectsa young person’s sense of peoplehood and belonging.Also, being Jewish means tremendously different thingsto different people—but for everyone it means something.Recently, 20 people from Jersey Tribe attended a Rockand Roll Shabbat service at a local congregation. Previoussynagogue-based events had not been successful, butall of us who attended this one loved the experience! Thesetting was informal, with round tables instead of pews,and free snacks and drinks during the service (includingbeer and wine). All the clergy personally introduced themselvesto each of us. It was a perfect example of how thinkingoutside the box, lowering barriers to entry, and beingengaging can strengthen relationships with 20s and 30s.With just a few simple, low-cost steps, such as appointinga young adult to the board to plan events and act asa liaison to peers, asking Birthright alumni to serve oncommittees, inviting a rabbi to host a Torah on Tap eventat a local bar or coffee shop, and/or creating a designatedyoung adults’ page on a congregational website, synagoguescould dramatically improve how they meet theneeds of Jews under 40. It just takes the courage to lookoutside the box and to commit to thinking in new ways.“The needs of Jewishyoung adults are not verydifferent than the needsof any young adult: Theywant to be around otherswho share their passions.”— Rabbi David GerberThe sweet spot for all Jews is for both establishedand innovative organizations and synagogues to cometogether—to find commonalities, share best practices,break apart silos, and focus energies on building bettercommunities and engaging Jews of all ages.KNOWING THY COMMUNITYName: Rabbi David Gerber(HUC-JIR, 2012)Age: 32Profession: Assistant Rabbi at CongregationBeth Or, Maple Glen, PennsylvaniaJewish Childhood & Early Adulthood Experiences:aised in a Reform family; became a bar mitzvahat Congregation Shaare Emeth in St.Louis. My early Jewish identity was largelyformed by my Hebrew school experienceand my family.At Indiana University, I was one of the few Jewishmembers of a large fraternity. Because of the intifada,Israel was frequently in the news, and non-Jews consideredme the de facto “expert” on what was happening overreform judaism 29 winter 2012

FOR THEthere, as well as on Judaism in general. Eventually I tiredof not knowing the answers and took it upon myself tobegin studying Torah on my own. I soon found a lovefor Torah and knew I wanted to pursue a life of Jewishlearning and teaching, which led me to rabbinical school.Perspectives on Engaging 20s and 30s: Prior to enrollingat the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion,I worked with the Jewish community in St. Louis to revitalizetheir young adults. Meeting with every Jewish youngperson—affiliated and unaffiliated—who would give me afew minutes on the phone, or in person for coffee, I discoveredthat their needs are not very different than the needsof any young adult: Young people want to be around otherswho share their passions. With this in mind, I formedseveral small interest-based Jewish communities—Jewishdog owners, Jewish bike riders, a Jewish football league,etc. Over the nine-month period of my involvement, 500+young adults were participating in Jewish communities oftheir peers in ways that mattered to them, thereby deepeningtheir own sense of Jewish connection.The groups were successful, I believe, because I took thetime to get to know the community’s needs. In this digitalage, it’s easier for congregations to ascertain the needs of theircongregants of all ages, and if we properly utilize the informationwe gather, we can create more meaningful engagement.For my senior rabbinical thesis at Hebrew Union College,I researched the effectiveness of mobile technologyin Jewish outreach. Focusing on QR codes—the barcodesreadable by smartphones —I collaborated withJewish communities nationwide to create cutting-edgeresources. With a QR code, a Hebrew school curriculumcan become multidimensional—the student arrives at apage in his workbook that asks for the prayer to be chantedout loud, scans the QR code, and immediately hearsthe cantor chant the prayer. Several non-Hebrew-speakingparents told me that this technology enabled them to helptheir child with his/her Hebrew homework, and as a result,felt more connected to their child’s religious experience.“We want prayerexperiences in and ofthe moment—oneswithout an alternativeagenda or expectationof our doing or giving.”— Josh NelsonThe QR code is just one example of what is now availableto enhance our communities. I think of outreach as a mosaic;each tile represents a different way to reach out. Thereare tiles for mobile technology, snail mail, streamed services,adult education classes, etc. At the same time, I am a bigbeliever in the necessity of a beit knesset (synagogue). Jewswill always benefit from a physical community—a place togather, pray, and learn together. No single medium for outreachwill apply to every community member, so it behoovesus to reach out in as many ways as possible.BAR (CHU) HOPPINGName: Josh NelsonAge: 34Profession: Jewish musician and producerJewish Childhood Experiences:’ve had a strong Jewish identity since childhood. Everyfamily member was involved in our vibrant local Jewishcommunity on the south coast of Massachusetts—teaching in the religious school, advising youth programs,serving on the education commission, andaccompanying services on an old-school 1950s Allenelectric organ. In my religious school music class, theorganist (an elderly, Christian Frenchman named Michele)played with great intention and an openness of spirit andheart that floated a song through the air. That was whereI first experienced the relationship between God, music,and the human soul.Perspectives on Engaging 20s and 30s: I don’t pay duesto a congregation, but as a Jewish musician I visit manysynagogues each year. Often, I rush to a shul straightfrom an airport, drop my things, and head for the sanctuary.I seek (need) moments of quiet reflection beforeleading prayer, and I spend time seated near the entranceas I await the congregation. When the first congregantswalk in, rarely, if ever, does a single person even say hello.It’s a hard thing to get over….That said, I do believeI will find the right fit someday.I have also often felt uncomfortable with the worshipoptions available to me. Starting in my mid-20s, I wantedto experience powerful, meaningful communal prayer withoutpretense, pomp, and a holier-than-thou attitude. I longedfor prayer experiences in and of the moment—ones withoutan alternative agenda or expectation of my doing or giving.In response, I’ve spent the past seven years developingThe WAREHOUSE (www.thewarehousenyc.org),an alternative Shabbat worship experience aimed at unaffiliatedand/or disconnected 20s and 30s Jews in majormetropolitan areas. Taking over a bar on Friday nights,we deliver a worship service offering all that was missingfor me back then: connection, community, spirituality,warmth, and a contemporary, open aesthetic thatreflects the participants’ own.I am truly optimistic about the Jewish future. I seereform judaism 30 winter 2012

an undeniable undercurrent of faith and communal connectionin this generation. After our events, participantsspeak of transformation, of a real feeling of connectionthey thought was lost or had never before experienced.And the very fact that the Jewish community is havingthese conversations—looking at our challenges in new ways—is the best indicator of our ability to change.PITCHING TO PARENTSName: Sarah LeftonAge: 38Profession: Founding ExecutiveDirector, G-dcastJewish Childhood & College Experiences:resident of my Reform temple youth group;member of regional youth group board; URJcamper; religious school student at Tree ofLife Congregation, Columbia, South Carolina.In fourth grade my teacher Ruth Bazerman(z”l) told us, “If you don’t learn somethingnew every day—you’re dead!” She scared the daylightsout of me—in a good way—and it may be why I’m so dedicatedto learning above all else in my Jewish life.Perspectives on Engaging 20s and 30s: These days myhusband, our three-year-old son, and I live in San Francisco,and you’ll catch me regularly on Shabbat at twoplaces. The first, the Mission Minyan, is comprised of awonderfully weird group of people with different Jewishbackgrounds and traditions from whom I’ve learnedeverything from French songs to Danish blessings to faroutTalmud insights to how to cook the perfect roastedchicken (in a cast-iron pan of course). And, although Idon’t personally believe that an all-volunteer model isthe optimal way to run a community, I seriously valuethat all of my learning happened organically, in people’shomes, and without dues or fees—although I gaveplenty of sweat and the occasional kiddush sponsorship.The second, the Kitchen, is a great new indie communitybringing age and observance-diverse people togetherfor Shabbat services, big communal meals, plus offbeatholiday gatherings. Services feature “Camp Kitchen” forthe kids, with storytime and puppets and snacks, and it’snice spending Shabbat with not only younger and olderfriends but also so many other parents of young children.The bottom line, though, is that there isn’t a place wheremy husband and I can realistically daven and learn in aserious way at the same time. I know things get betterwhen kids turn school-aged (Sunday school, camp, modelseders, etc.), but right now I often feel isolated. SeriousJewish learning opportunities usually happen during dinnerand bedtime hour, when I can’t leave the house. Andit’s hard to bring our son to services because he reallyjust wants to run and yell and play. We do it from time totime, but my husband and I end up playing tag team, oneof us davening while the other chases the kiddo. It’s hardto connect spiritually when you’ve got one eye down thehallway wondering if your kid is pulling off his diaper.There’s a missed opportunity for the “establishment”to create Jewish daycare centers, services with childcarefor babies and tots, Torah study that happens online afterthe kids are in bed, and—I can’t resist saying—our ownversion of the over-the-top free church carnivals put onin the park for Easter! Plus, there’s a huge baby boomin San Francisco right now and not enough affordablepreschool spaces for everyone—another opportunity!As a serial entrepreneur, I believe in seizing opportunities(though right now, parenthood has a way of suckingthe extra energy out of me). In 2006, for example, I startedG-dcast—a fun, light, multimedia, online introduction toTorah—to give young adults like myself an easy way intoTorah study. Surprisingly, it caught on with young kidsand their congregational educators even more than withmy peers. Now we create some videos for younger audiencesand others for adults.“As parents of a 3-yr-old,there isn’t a place wheremy husband and Ican learn in a serious wayat the same time.”— Sarah LeftonAre we in a Jewish renaissance? I’m not sure. Jewishculture has obviously had a bang-up 10 years, thanks toso many of my peers in the arts world putting out daringnew Jewish music, writing, film, and ideas. In comparisonto when I was 25, this age group has an embarrassmentof riches—Birthright trips, huge singles-scene Shabbatonegs, Moishe Houses, etc. I also see an uptick of interestin spirituality and traditional davening as well as Jewishmeditation, yoga, and travel. But each generation definesits own flavor. Our parents had chavurot, we have minyanim—bothshare the essential content of community, connection,and culture. What appears missing right now is acentralized conversation about global affairs, politics, andIsrael. Our community today seems very polarized andliving in its own pockets of politics, social concerns, andreligious observance. There don’t seem to be many placeswhere Jews of different stripes hang out. That said, historyhas a way of shaking us out of one world and into a newone. We’ll see how long this particular status quo lasts.The essentials of Jewish life are fairly well established.We’ll keep arguing about the details and tweaking the trimmings,but as long as we keep learning, praying, doing mitzvot,and gathering in community, I think things will be just fine.I do think we could get better at making parvedesserts, though. There’s really nowhere to go but up.reform judaism 31 winter 2012

TheSacredCircleofReading fromthe Torah, 2011Sisterhood womendemonstratingfor women’ssuffrage, c.1910Save Darfur Rally,Washington, DC, 2006

The power and promise ofSisterhood in its first 100 yearsSisterhoodWRJ PresidentLynn Magid Lazarpresenting TheTorah: A Women’sCommentaryto President BarackObama, 2011Packing toys forchildren, SouthAfrica, c.1950

THE SACRED CIRCLE OF SISTERHOODCarrie O.SimonWomen of Reform Judaism—the oldest and largest of the Union for ReformJudaism affiliates, representing 65,000+ women in nearly 500 Reform women’sgroups worldwide—is celebrating its Centennial in 2013.When the organization was founded in 1913 as the National Federation of TempleSisterhoods (NFTS), women could not even vote in national elections,much less become rabbis, cantors, or congregational presidents. Duringthe early years, NFTS President Carrie O. Simon worked to encouragethe Union and its congregations to allow women on their boards, andin 1925, NFTS President Stella Freiberg became the first womanto serve on the Union’s board. On the international stage, NFTSExecutive Director Jane Evans served as a consultant to the U.S.delegation during the San Francisco Conference at which the UnitedNations charter was drafted. Using their collective power, Sisterhoodwomen changed the landscape of congregational life, as well as NorthAmerican and world politics.In this RJ symposium, three WRJ leaders of different generations—Dolores KosbergWilkenfeld, Lynn Magid Lazar, and Dara Amram—recount little-known storiesabout how WRJ has transformed Jewish life, how Sisterhoods evolved with changingtimes, why Jewish women and the Movement rely upon a Jewish women’s organization,and the future they seek to create. To learn more, visit wrj.org.Q: Why did you joinSisterhood, and what was it likewhen you first got involved?Dolores Kosberg Wilkenfeld, NFTSPresident 1985-89: Having come from along line of “temple Jews,” I joined Sisterhoodto find my own spiritual homewhere I could make a personal contribution.In 1957, Congregation Emanu El inHouston had an active, creative Sisterhood. Hearing thatI had worked in radio and television advertising, theincoming Sisterhood president asked me to co-write askit for our opening meeting, and another member askedme to help her write the Sisterhood newsletter. Beingasked to help, I immediately felt needed.I was proud to be part of all our Sisterhood did. Weserved as “lay” youth advisors and supported our youthgroup however we could—including standing in as emergencyfemale counselors at our youth group’s camp in theTexas Hill Country. Because we promoted youth activities,engaging young people became a “front burner”issue for the congregation.We also participated in local interfaith activities andhelped activate a broad-based community coalition onhousing that resulted in the establishment of Houston’sfirst housing code.Nationally, NFTS leaders had long promoted engagingyoung people. In 1927, NFTS Youth Chair Jean WiseMay called for developing a federation of the Young FolksTemple Leagues, which already existed in many congregations.It took almost 15 years of NFTS persistence andinterim activity before the Union of American HebrewCongregations (now Union for Reform Judaism) formallyestablished the National Federation of Temple Youth(NFTY, now North American Federation of TempleYouth), which led to the Union’s highly successful campingprogram. For almost 20 years, NFTS was NFTY’ssole financial source; today, WRJ supports the Union’swork with high school and college-age youth through ourYouth-Education-Special Projects (YES) Fund.On the international level, in 1971, I served as a NFTSCarrie O. Simon photo: The Jacob Rader Marcus Center of the AmericanJewish Archives, Cincinnati, OH, americanjewisharchives.orgreform judaism 34 winter 2012

THESACRED CIRCLEOFSISTERHOODTODAYconvener for the first Women’s Plea for Human Rights forSoviet Jewry, urging that Jews in the USSR be allowedeither to emigrate or practice Judaism openly in theirhome countries. Nowadays we have NGO representationat the United Nations and engage in advocacy efforts onbehalf of Jewish and humanitarian causes worldwide.For many women, including me, Sisterhood leadershipserved as an “entry” point to greater participation/leadershipwithin our congregations. Sisterhood presidents (whosat on the temple board by virtue of their position) wereoften subsequently elected to the temple board in their ownright. Some later assumed the temple presidency, as I did.Lynn Magid Lazar, WRJ President:When I joined in 1975, almost every congregationhad a Sisterhood, and almostevery woman belonged to it. Our Sisterhoodat Temple Beth Israel, York, Pennsylvaniahad 100+ members in a congregationof fewer than 200 families. In most communitiesSisterhood women were the synagogue’s heart and hands.When our religious school needed new desks, more teachers,help planning a Tu B’Shvat seder, etc., our principalturned to Sisterhood. Sisterhood also “owned” the kitchen,which was nearly in constant use: breakfast pancakesfor the “shul in” senior youth group sleepover; monthlygourmet luncheon meetings; brisket, kugel, and dessertsfor the Sisterhood Shabbat service dinner.Dara Amram, WRJ Board ofDirectors: Based on my grandmotherand mother’s experiences, I had highexpectations of Sisterhood when I joinedin 2004, but it lacked the vibrancy I’danticipated. There hadn’t been a singleSisterhood event in three years!I decided that if I wanted my needs met, I’d have to stepup. First, though, I needed to know if our rabbi would bebehind the effort. When I asked her, “Do we need a Sisterhood?”she answered with a resounding yes, sayingthat as a young child her mother always took her to Sisterhoodmeetings and that a strong women’s group coulddo a lot for our temple. She encouraged me to help buildup the Sisterhood. I walked out of that meeting the newreform judaism 35 winter 2012

THE SACRED CIRCLE OF SISTERHOODSisterhood president.In the beginning I was in my own Sisterhood bubble.Later, when I became a part of the WRJ president’s listserv,I learned that the majority of Sisterhoods acrossNorth America shared the same membership strugglesand worked to overcome them through simple, fun socialprogramming planned during peak temple hours.Q: It seems the interests andpurview of Sisterhood womenchanged with the times. How haveSisterhoods stayed current?Dolores: By the 1980s, more women were working andfurthering their education, making long-term participationin Sisterhood projects less likely. We urged Sisterhoodsto adjust to the new realities by being flexible instructuring, scheduling, and programming. In a presidentialspeech, I referred to the then popular commercial,“This is not your father’s Oldsmobile,” stating, “This isnot your mother’s Sisterhood. This is the new generationof Sisterhood.” Sisterhoods began to adjust meetingtimes and events, to transform long-term responsibilitiesinto “one-shot jobs” or short-term projects, and to createnew models of shared leadership and responsibility.Our vitality is testimony to the ability of each new generationto change with the times.Lynn: Now that women play new roles in congregationallife—we are rabbis, cantors, educators, temple presidents,and anything else we wish to be—we are able tomultiply this power by the thousands, collectively accomplishingjust about anything imaginable! The quintessentialexample is The Torah: A Women’s Commentary(urjbooksandmusic.com), which reshaped the arc ofJewish history by collecting and creating women’s scholarshipinto the first complete commentary on Torahwritten by women.At the 1993 NFTS/WRJ assembly Cantor Sarah Sagerchallenged hundreds of women to imagine a Torahcommentary written by women. WRJ then conveneda “pilot” weekend of Sisterhood executive board membersand women scholars to plan it, hundreds of otherwomen joined to implement the plan, and thousands ofwomen—the Women of Reform Judaism—turned theplan into reality.One of the highlights of my life involves this commentary.At the 2011 Biennial assembly in Washington, DC,I was one of a small group of Movement leaders invitedto meet President Barack Obama. I introduced myself asthe president of Women of Reform Judaism and presentedhim with the volume. President Obama looked at it care-fully. Then, holding up the book, he asked the assembledmale Movement leaders, “Is this book the ‘true’ story?!”I replied that it was the story that hasn’t been told in thelast 2,000 years. “Michelle would really like this book,”he replied, to which I added, “As will your daughters.”Dolores: The WRJ Torah commentary has not only given“voice” to women in the context of the Torah; it hasraised the profile of women as rabbis, cantors, scholars,teachers, and students. It’s a symbol of the evolution ofSisterhood/NFTS/WRJ commitment to Jewish education,from its earliest years, which focused on rabbis andreligious schools, to the intellectual and spiritual developmentof its own women, which is also evidenced in WRJTorah study guides, WRJ books (the Covenant series),a WRJ-commissioned women’s Torah (Torat Nashim),and pre-Shabbat e-mail messages.Q: Today, Jewish women have anynumber of opportunities for Jewishengagement and leadership. Why do somany choose involvement with WRJ?Dolores: For many of the same reasons they always did—the opportunities to support meaningful causes while alsobenefitting from the bonding, sharing, caring, mentoring,learning, and growing that is characteristic of women’sgroups within the special context of her spiritual home.And, because our congregations deal in some of the mostsensitive areas of people’s lives—faith, family, illness, lifeand loss, etc.—so do Sisterhoods. We are there to sharethe laughter and tears, support and cheer, congratulate andcomfort. For 50+ years, I have been part of this “sacredcircle,” and I still cherish every moment it affords me.Lynn: Each woman has the opportunity to grow in her ownway. Some women want companionship and connection.Others seek an entrée into more active temple life. Somewant to be involved in their children’s Jewish education.Many wish to deepen their levels of Jewish literacy. Stillothers are driven to help heal our broken world, and havejoined with WRJ to advocate for such important issues ascivil rights, women’s health, GLTBQ equality, and womenin the rabbinate—the latter nearly two years before anyoneelse in the Movement made a public statement.I became a more literate Jew because of Sisterhood.When I grew up, my brothers studied for bar mitzvah butI was not required to study for bat mitzvah. At Sisterhoodevents as an adult, I participated in Torah study groups,unique worship services, and study sessions with fascinatingteachers. Among an encouraging community of friends,continued on page 46reform judaism 36 winter 2012

FOCUS: ShandaWhat Will the Neighbors Say?!Considering how society has changed what it deems a disgrace,when shaming is harmful or useful, and how to break the cycle of unjustified shame.RJ interview with dale atkins & Edythe mencher© Kimscreativehub / Dreamstime.comAron Hirt-Manheimer (editor,Reform Judaism magazine):“Shanda” is the Yiddish word for“shame or disgrace inthe eyes of another.”Do Jews have a particularsensitivity tohow we are perceivedby the outside world,and if so, what cultural,historical, sociological,and psychologicalfactors havecontributed to this?Dr. Dale Atkins (psychologist;author; TVcommentator; memberof Temple Israel in Westport,Connecticut): The common Yiddishexpression is a shanda far die goyim.In other words, don’t give ammunitionto non-Jews who might seize the opportunityto hold a socially unacceptablebehavior against all Jews. If a Jew doesa bad thing, we may all be judged andpunished for it.Rabbi Edythe Mencher (URJ Facultyfor sacred community, clinicalsocial work psychotherapist):Actually, I think we’ve worried muchmore about looking good to the Goldsteinsthan to the gentiles. Often theexpression used is “a shanda un acharpeh—a shame and a disgrace”—which refers both to acting inappropriatelyin front of non-Jews as well asother Jews, and in our own eyes.I first heard the word shanda used inrelation to a father who beat his son—itwas a shanda that he treated his son insuch a way, or alternatively a shandathat he did not live up to Jewish standards.The shanda label was also a wayfor parents and community to controlunwanted adolescent behaviors: If a girlwore a revealing dress, if a boy drankor smoked, it would besmirch thefamily name and actually even thewhole community’s honor.Coming of age in the break-free 60s,most of my peers dismissed attempts byour elders to label what we chose towear a shanda. Yet we did not reject thenotion that certain actions or beliefs,such as violence, poverty, mistreatmentof children, racism, and antisemitism,were shandas. We saw the value ofshaming as moral assessment but resistedit as a way of enforcing what we construedas stiflingly middle-class values.Dale: When a shanda involves an ethicalviolation, an entire community maybe at fault. For example, if the Jewishcommunity covers up a case of sexualabuse, both the act and the cover-upmay constitute shandas.Edie: Yes, but the very concept ofshanda may also be at the heart of theproblem. When the shame is associatednot just with the perpetratorbut also the victim—suchas in societieswhere the person whohas been raped ormolested is treated assoiled and ruined—peopleunderstandably hideincidences of abuse. Inthe same way, if a wholereligious group is liableto be attacked broadlybecause some of its leadershave been sexualpredators, then people onthe inside who cherish the faith traditionwill conceal those abuses. The challenge,then, is for society to attach theshame to the crime and to the perpetratorwithout having it spill over onto thevictim and the whole group. In such anenvironment cover-ups are unlikely tobe tolerated by the community.Joy Weinberg (managing editor,Reform Judaism magazine):What did our biblical ancestorsconsider shandas?Edie: The word shanda derives fromthe Germanic word “scandal” or theFrench “escandale,” referring to ignominyor disgrace. The Hebrew root“bosh” figures more in Jewish tradition.It is used in the Bible in the context ofshameful, disobedient actions that aredispleasing to God, such as idol worship,Sabbath desecration, dishonesty inour dealings with others, the disregard-reform judaism 37 winter 2012

ing of sexual and dietary prohibitions,and violations of purity codes (proximityto blood or to the dead).In the Torah, shaming served a specificpurpose—to urge individuals andcommunities towards repentance; followingsincere repentance, a state ofwell-being, cleanliness, and securitywould be restored.These days, research has shown thatshaming and criticizing tend to haveless impact on future behavior thanmore nuanced approaches to encouraginggood behavior. People who areshamed about a particular behavior maytend to continue to behave that way inprivate, hiding the original behavior toavoid public ridicule. Instead, the goalof religion, childrearing, and educationis to have people internalize moral andethical values that are not dependent onexternal approval. Shame can functionas a step along the path of developing amoral conscience. Someone with aworking conscience will feel guiltywhen s/he does wrong and experience asense of inner comfort when s/he doesright. Responding warmly to moral andreform judaism 38 winter 2012ethical behavior in others is an importantway of providing reinforcement.Aron: Looking at modern times,what constituted a shanda in thefirst half of the 20th century?Dale: In my family it was marryingout of the faith. Even if the personconverted and became a religious Jew,s/he was not fully accepted.Also, many people believed thatwomen who worked outside the homewere neglecting their kids. This criticismeven applied to women who hadto work to help support their familiesduring the Depression. I think thisperception began to change when theUnited States entered World War IIand large numbers of women joinedthe workforce as part of the effort. Yeteven today, the stigma remains thatwomen who work outside the homeare not able to attend to their childrenas well as those who stay at home,despite the research to the contrary.Edie: Another perceived shanda wasbeing sexually active at an older age.For example, my great-grandmotherwas in her early 50s living in a smalltown in Austria when she gave birth toher last child. She asked her 17-yearolddaughter to stroll with the baby inthe neighborhood because she feltembarrassed that her late-in-life motherhoodrevealed she was still sexuallyactive. Her married son and her otherdaughters pointed out that the neighborsmight think that the 17-year-oldwas the mother—another shanda! Thefamily had to decide which was thegreater shanda: a sexually activegrandmother or a 17-year-old unmarriedmother. In short, any sexualbehavior that was not seen as occurringat the right stage of life and with aspouse was regarded as a shanda.Joy: In my mother’s family theshanda was poverty. During theDepression, everyone lost theirjobs and the family had to moveto a less expensive neighborhood.My mother felt so ashamed, shedidn’t even tell her best friend.For years the two met on a street

corner to walk to school; one daymy mother just didn’t show up.Edie: Great shame was associated withbeing poor, even when it was throughno fault of your own. Partly, I think, theshame came from a fear of being perceivedas not having enough sechel(smarts and practicality) as well as thechutzpah (gumption) to make it in thereal world. If you couldn’t take care ofyour family, people would conclude therehad to be something lacking in you.Dale: For a long time, cancer wasanother hush-hush. Families wouldn’teven utter the word; they called it “C.”Today, in some families, Alzheimer’sand mental illness are big shandas:“What does it mean that I have this inmy family? Will this make me lessattractive as a marriage partner?”precepts as the route to tikkun olam,repairing the brokenness in our world.Unfortunately, however, our Jewishcommunity has retained the sense that aperson with an illness or disability issomehow impure. Tzedakah activistDanny Siegel tells the true story of a non-Jewish woman who devoted herself inthe 1990s to finding homes for orphanedchildren with Down Syndrome in theNew York area. None of the adoptivefamilies, including hers, were Jewish, but90% of the babies were. Because it was aperceived shanda, Jewish families werefar more likely to give up (and not adopt)so-called less than perfect children.Joy: Some people have turnedwhat many consider a shamefulact into societal good. A belovedson, for example, commits suicideand the mother becomes anoutspoken suicide preventionactivist dedicated to helping othersavert a similar tragedy.Edie: Yes. She is saying, “Don’t attackand ostracize me for this. Let me tellEdie: This attitude harkens back toancient times, when the Israelites couldbring only unblemished offerings forthe Temple sacrifice, and priests had tobe physically perfect—free from illness,skin blemishes, missing limbs, orany disfigurement. The prophets triedto shift the object of societal admirationfrom physical to ethical perfection, asin Isaiah 58.5-7: “Is this the fast Idesire, a day for men to starve theirbodies? Is it bowing the head like a bulrushand lying in sackcloth and ashes?...No, this the fast I desire: To unlock thefetters of wickedness…to let theoppressed go free…to share your breadwith the hungry, and to take thewretched poor into your home….”According to this view, there was littlevalue to ritual adherence that did notlead to more ethical behavior.As our tradition evolved, it placedgreater stress on good character andcompassionate behavior toward others—understanding,for example, thebiblical commandment not to kill asalso instructing us not to shame another.The Gemara (Bava Metzia, 58b)explains: “Whoever shames his friendin public to the point of making himturn pale, is as if he sheds blood....forwe see that the red drains out of hisface and is replaced by white.” ReformJudaism embraced this focus on ethicalIn 1913, a group of visionary Jewish women from Reform congregationscreated the National Federation of Temple Sisterhoods, now Women ofReform Judaism. Today, we proudly engage more than 65,000 Jewishwomen in 500 women’s groups worldwide.Together, we have cultivated leadership, advanced women’s spirituality,and raised tens of millions of dollars to support Reform institutions andprograms. Celebrate our milestone birthday with us throughout 2013.Please join us for these specialWRJ Centennial events:Fried Leadership ConferenceJan 25 -27, 2013 | Cincinnati, OHCentennial ShabbatMarch 1 - 2, 2013Trip to Israel and BerlinMarch 5 - 17, 2013Academic SymposiumJune 2, 2013 | New York, NY49th Assembly and GalaDec 11 -15, 2013 | San Diego, CAFor more information, visit www.wrj.org/centennialfollowusreform judaism 39 winter 2012

Second Editionand Introduction by Bruce Feiler, author of Walking the BibleCentral Conference of American Rabbisyou about my pain and my child’s painso perhaps together we can reducestigma and diminish suffering.” In thatprocess she also helps other peopleto minimize their pain, shame, andisolation.Aron: Jewish illiteracy is yetanother shanda-prone areaamong our people. Many Jewswho want a Jewish connectionbut have minimal knowledge ofJewish practices may feel tooembarrassed or ashamed toenter a synagogue.Dale: I understand this. Even thoughI love the experience of being in temple,I can also feel somewhat intimidated.Over the years I’ve made haltedattempts to become more literate inHebrew and familiar with the prayers,but I’m still reading the English and notthe Hebrew. And even when I’m gettinga lot out of it, I think, I should be ableto read the Hebrew and get that, too.As if the English is not good enough inthe house of God.Joy: How can individuals reducetheir sense of shame?Edie: Shame is really the experience offeeling we are not lovable and acceptableas we are—that we are soiled, bad,not good enough. If we find ourselvesstruggling with these deeply entrenchedfeelings, we have to talk about it inorder to minimize its impact. Where dowe begin the discussion? Sometimes wecannot initiate it with our familiesbecause we do not feel a sense of safetythere. Better choices may be in therapy,with a rabbi, with friends, with a supportgroup—people who listen but arenot going to judge and further shame us.As part of this process, we need toclosely examine what induces shame in usand determine whether it is justified. Wecan ask ourselves: “Should I feel ashamed/guilty according to my own moral code?Or is it my grandmother’s/parent’s/child’swagging finger in my head?”If we conclude, “Yes, I have donesomething deeply wrong,” workingthrough the shame may involve morethan conversing with a support person orgroup. We need to ask ourselves: “Howcan I come back to loving myself? Howdo I make reparations?” Psychologist Dr.Marsha Linehan teaches that if we feelwe have acted wrongfully, we will onlyreduce our shame and guilt if we acceptresponsibility and take reparative action.For example, a soldier who regrets committinga wartime atrocity can mitigatethe shame by acting on behalf of woundedvictims of war. The Jewish understandingof teshuvah (repentance) includesboth self-assessment and positive reparativeaction. If we have done somethingwrong, atonement is accomplished onlywhen we have done everything we canto seek forgiveness, make repair, andresolve not to repeat the wrongful actionin the future.If we decide that our shame is basedon old teachings that we no longerbelieve have validity, Dr. Linehan advisesthat we assess whether it is safe now toopenly acknowledge our past in keepingwith our current morality. For example,if a person is ashamed of being gaybecause he was taught it was a sin andnow lives in San Francisco, to fightCENTRAL CONFERENCE OF AMERICAN RABBISSince1889BEYONDBREAKINGTHE GLASSA SPIRITUAL GUIDE TO YOUR JEWISH WEDDINGRabbi Nancy H. Wiener, D. Min.NEW!BeyondBreakingthe Glass:A SpiritualGuide toYour JewishWedding, Revised Editionby Rabbi NancyH. WienerCompletely updated andrevised. The weddingbook for all of today’scouples.mishkan r’fuahWhereHealingResidesCentral Conference of American RabbisNew From CCAR Press!NEW! Mishkan R’fuah:Where Healing ResidesEdited by Eric WeissHealing prayers andmeditations for moments ofspiritual yearning.COMING SOON! Guideto the Jewish SeasonsMishkan Mo-eidEdited byPeter S. KnobelSuccessor to the belovedGates of Seasons. Completely revised andupdated with new essaysBIRKON ARTZIBlessings and Meditationsfor Travelers to IsraelRabbi Serge Lippe, editorwith Preface by Rabbi Rick Jacobs, President, Union for Reform JudaismThe Mishkan T’filahApp for iPadAvailable on iTunes.NEW!Birkon Artzi: Blessings andMeditations for Travelersto IsraelEdited by Serge LippeMishkan T’filah for theHouse of MourningIncludes thoughtful readings andcommentary. Also available inlarge print.VISIT US ONLINE FOR MISHKAN T’FILAH, BACK-IN-PRINT CLASSICS, E-BOOKS, AND MOREFor more information and to order, go to: www.ccarpress.org or call 212-972-3636 x243 | CCAR | 355 Lexington Avenue | New York, NY 10017reform judaism 40 winter 2012

against his shame he can take everyopportunity to acknowledge who he reallyis until the shame lessens and finallydisappears. If a person who has longhidden that she was born out of wedlockcomes to realize this is an inappropriatereason to feel bad about herself, shecan continue to share this informationwith others until the associated shameand even societal stigmas are reduced.If, no matter what we do, we are stillostracized or belittled, then, Dr. Linehansays, we are better off moving to a moreopen community, making new friends,or keeping our situation private whileworking internally to reduce our senseof shame. In a negative external environment,prayer can help us to communicatethe truth about ourselves and feellovable and worthy just as we are.Dale: The only method that seems towork with teenagers brought beforejuvenile court is their being asked,“What do you think you should do inreparation?” and then doing it. In oneinstance, a kid who had knocked downolder women to steal their pursesoffered to and then was ordered by thecourt to work with elderly people at adaycare center. After several months ofvolunteering, he became understandingof older people’s needs and remorsefulof his earlier actions. He also shared hisnew perspectives with other young peoplehe knew who were attacking olderpeople in the New York City subway.Joy: How can congregations andcommunities be sensitive to individualsstruggling with shame?Edie: Jewish life is ultimately aboutrecognizing that every one of us is madein the image of God—each of us uniqueand capable of covenant, moral behavior,and love. We as congregations canreduce stigma around shame if we treatpeople with honor and respect. Even ifwe disapprove of another person’sactions, we can communicate our confidencein his/her capacity to developpositively. And we can help people recalibratewhat is truly important in life byencouraging them to grow as individualsand dedicate themselves to helpingothers. In essence, I’m hoping our congregationswill assist people in doing acheshbon hanefesh, an accounting ofthe soul, and then help them takeempowering, reparative action for selfliberation.This might entail hosting anAA or Overeaters Anonymous group, orholding discussions about how parentscan speak to their children and childrento parents to foster mutual understanding.It might also mean developing communalstructures by which congregantscan easily reach out to sick and lonelypeople rather than harboring shame fornot having visited those who are less fortunate.Our sense of self-pride is increasedand our sense of shame decreased whenwe look and give beyond ourselves to thewider world.So, let us set reasonable goals for ourselvesand then, in an environmentwhere shame/shanda is less of an issue,coach one another to accomplish them.When we help people find routes to feelingeffective, moral, caring, and caredabout, they experience self-pride ratherthan shame, and in turn help to create aworld of dignity, justice, and hope.reform judaism 41 winter 2012

FOCUS: ShandaMy Secret SiblingsIt wasn’t until 1996, when I packed up my mother’s apartment after she died,that I found the answers I had yearned for all my life.by Marlene MyersonChildhood memories are vague at thebest of times. Our remembrancestend to be pictures shown and storiestold to us byothers. But whathappens when afamily choosesnot to rememberbecause thememories aretoo painful ortoo shameful?I grew up as“an only child,” My brother Edwin.but not the onlychild. There had been two other children—Helena,three years older, andEdwin, two years younger—but myparents never spoke of them. I did notknow how they died, only that it hadhappened when I was very young andthere was an unspoken understandingthat I was forbidden to talk or ask anyquestions about them.My mother took me at age three tovisit my sister in a hospital. Sheinstructed me to remain in the playgroundand keep my eyes on a particularthird-floor window. Soon my sister’sface appeared. Helena smiled andwaved at me, and I waved back. Thislast glimpse of Helena is my only memoryof her, a hazy memory at best.For some time my father was also ina hospital. When he was discharged, hedid not come to live with us, as mymother feared he might still have“germs.” Several years later, he did moveMarlene Myerson, a member of TempleEmanu-El in Toronto, serves as a CurriculumConsultant for URJ Books and Music.into our apartment, but slept in his ownbedroom and ate from separate dishesand cutlery kept in a special cupboard.Mymotherwas foreverworryingthatI mightcatchgerms. Iwas notallowedto sharedrinks orfood with anyone; borrow books fromthe library or trade comics with a neighbor’schild; sleep over ata friend’s; or go tocamp—all because ofgerms. I didn’t questionthe restrictions. It wassimply the way it was.Eventually, my parentspurchased a smallhouse in the Torontosuburbs. They stored allof our family photos ina chest in the basement.Often I sifted throughpictures, among themimages of my brother and sister. But in1954, during Hurricane Hazel, ourhouse was flooded and all the photosdestroyed. The only tangible records ofmy siblings were obliterated.In high school I developed a strongsense of independence. At age 20 Imarried Peter. By the time I turned 29,we had three daughters: Robin, Jodi,and Ashley. I so wanted to be able toname them in memory of my brotherMy sister Helena.and my sister, but I felt afraid. Helenaand Edwin’s deaths were still too muchof a mystery.My father died in 1975 at the age of66. Twenty years later, I became thesole caretaker of my mother during thelast year of her life. The weight ofresponsibility for her care becamealmost more than I could bear, and alonging arose in me for the siblingswho might have shared the burden withme. I asked members of my extendedfamily—aunts, uncles, cousins—to tellme about Helena and Edwin. My questionswere met mostly with blank stares,as if my sister and brother had neverexisted. Finally, an older cousin shared amemory of his parentswhispering about theterrible tragedy thathad befallen my family.He confided thathe too was raised tobe afraid of germs,never being allowedto share food, playsports, or sleep atfriends’ houses.♦ ♦ ♦Not until 1995 didI learn when Helena and Edwin haddied. At my request, the owner of a Jewishfuneral home in Toronto searchedthrough the microfiche reader to findtheir dates of death and place of burial.Excited, I drove out to the cemetery andpresented the information to the officeattendant. After a brief search, heexplained apologetically that burialrecords from those years had beencontinued on page 44reform judaism 42 winter 2012

FOCUS: ShandaMy Marital MasqueradeMy husband was committing crimes to feed his serious drug addiction.I feared public humiliation.by Anonymous© Miroslava Kopecka / Dreamstime.comIthought I had a happy marriage to adevoted and honest husband. I did notknow, then, that he had a secret life.The first hint that something waswrong came in 1995, when a physicianfriend informed me that my husbandhad taken one of his prescription padsand forged his name on a prescriptionfor pain killers. Had the culprit beensomeone else, my friend would havereported him to the police.It soon became apparent that myhusband had a serious drug addiction.In spite of having created a substanceabuse awareness program as part of mywork, I was unaware of the severity ofhis addiction; I’d missed many of thesigns. He was beginning a journey ofaddiction treatment programs; I wasmostly in shock. Still, I was relieved thatmy family had been spared publicdisgrace. We had averted a shanda.In fact, our troubles were only beginning.Months later, my husband told mewe were $60,000 in debt and he’d liedabout paying the mortgage. Our homewas in danger of foreclosure. Fearing ashanda in the eyes of their influentialfriends, his well-to-do parents quicklypaid the debts. I did not tell my parents,sure it would devastate them to know thetroubles in my marriage. (Years later,after my mother died, I learned from oneof her friends she’d known all along).Two interventions had spared shandafrom our lives, but the third time wewere not so lucky. While our four childrenand I were away at summer campAnonymous is a synagogue professional ata Reform congregation. Family membersasked that her name be withheld.(I was on staff), thepolice arrested my husbandfor forging prescriptionsin severaltowns. He was placedin a psychiatric programat a local rehabcenter. The storyappeared in our localnewspaper. Ashamedand horrified, I criedfor two days.Faced with thisshanda and financiallystrapped, I decided tolook for a job far away,so our family couldstart over. I put ourhouse on the market. For additional cashI sold my engagement ring, wedding china,antiques, and an oriental rug mygrandmother had bequeathed to me.Support from the Jewish communitykept us afloat. Envelopes full of cash,along with meals, appeared on our doorstep.A fund established through thelocal Jewish federation paid our mortgage.A dear friend advised, “Write down thename and phone number of everyonewho helps you. Looking at the list willgive you strength.” I did as she said. Itwas calming and reassuring to see howmany people truly cared about my family.For moral courage I relied on mymentor, Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel,who taught me that however bad my situationmight be, it could be much worse.I would count my blessings—a roof overour heads, healthy children, a passion formy work—and move forward.The night before a job interview onthe other side of the country, my brothercalled. Apharmacistfriend of his,likely checkinga watch listof offenders,discoveredthat my husbandhadforged a prescriptionfornarcotics. Outof considerationfor mybrother, thepharmacist didnot report thecrime to thepolice. But I was devastated. I knew thenthat I could not help my husband recoverfrom his addictions, and the truth wouldcome out wherever we went.I considered divorcing my husbandbut decided against it. Better, I reasoned,to live with a dysfunctional husband whocould at least drive our children wherethey needed to go. I wasn’t ready to tacklethat on top of a full-time job.I could not imagine that my husbandwould steal from our family. But while Isat shiva for my father, a year after mymother had passed away, he secretly withdrewthousands of dollars from my father’sbank account to finance a drug-relatedscam. After shiva, a bank teller asked meto identify the signature on the checks.The tipping point came in 2000,when my husband overdosed on caffeinepills and had to be carried out of ourdoctor’s office on a stretcher. Then it hitme: I am sending the wrong message tomy children. In making excuses for theirreform judaism 43 winter 2012

“sick” father, I’d thought I was teachingthem the value of compassion. Butwould I want them to be in a relationshiplike mine? And if they deserved aresponsible, functional partner, didn’t I?This realization empowered meto overcome my shanda complex anddivorce my husband.For the next 10 years, my ex-husbandwas in and out of prison for variouscrimes and probation violations. Finally,he got his act together, stayed clean, andbegan studying to be a drug counselor.He and I have no contact, but our childrenvisit with him, take him out for meals,and watch basketball games together.When I think of the many years Iallowed the shame of shanda to directmy life choices, I feel sad. Yet I have noregrets. This negative event led to apositive consequence. In 2004 I remarrieda wonderful man who has a closerelationship with my children.I have also learned valuable life lessons.My inner fear of public humiliationwas far greater than the actual reaction ofmy parents, friends, and community.People were much more understandingand forgiving than I could have imagined.And I have come to realize that Iwas not a victim, as I had thought, but asurvivor who withstood great anguishand hardship to raise wonderful children.I have kept that list of names andphone numbers of people who helpedme. Looking at it reminds me of myobligation to help those in my communitywho are living under the shadow ofshanda. I will be there for them, just asthe community was there for my family—withoutquestions or judgment.ADDICTION RESOURCES• JACS: Jewish Alcoholics, ChemicallyDependent Persons and SignificantOthers provides training and educationalprograms, referrals, support groups,sober buddies, recovery coaching,retreats, spiritual guidance, and holidayevents for Jewish adults and teens.jbfcs.org/jacs, jacs@jacsweb.org• JFS: Jewish Family Services offersclinical services, information, andreferrals. To find one, Google “JewishFamily Services” and the nearest city.My Secret Siblingscontinued from page 42destroyed in a fire. He could only pointme to the section of unmarked graveswhere they had to have been buried—the section set aside for poor membersof the Jewish community who, like us,could not afford to pay for burial plots.It wasn’t until 1996, when I packedup my mother’s apartment after shedied, that I found the answers I hadyearned for all my life. In a drawer wasa journal entry my 70-year-old motherhad written for a Psychology course atYork University titled“The Worst Time of MyLife.” She wrote, in part:“I was married in 1936and six and a half yearslater, I had two daughtersand an infant son.My husband developedtuberculosis, a fatal lungdisease, and was hospitalizedfor five years.During the first fewMe today.months of his hospitalization, my oldestdaughter, not quite 5 years old, wasalso diagnosed with TB…which shehad contracted from my husband. Thisbeautiful, intelligent child was hospitalizedfor several months and thenpassed away. I can still hear her cry,‘Mommy, why can’t I go home withyou?’ At almost the same time, myinfant son developed the fatal diseaseas well and passed away three monthslater.” In that same drawer were twowater-damaged photographs—one of abright-eyed, chubby-faced little girland one of an infant lying naked on ablanket in the sun.Now I knew why I had been so protectedas a child, and why my parentshad never talked about my brother andmy sister. My parents couldn’t face theterrible shanda of tuberculosis, a highlycontagious disease for which there wasno cure. If you had TB, people fearedand avoided you. My mother and fatherwere frightened of being shunnedby everyone.It was only after her death that mymother could “talk” to me aboutHelena, Edwin, and the ordeal she hadlived through.reform judaism 44 winter 2012For years I continued the family traditionof keeping our family story hidden,except from my husband and daughters.While TB was no longer a health threatin North America, in my mind itremained the unmentionable shanda ofmy childhood conditioning—a secretnever to be discussed with anyone.Finally, in 2009 I experienced somecomfort and closure. My daughter Jodiand son-in-law Jack funded the creationand installation of a 14-foot-tallmenorah at the entrance of their synagogueoutside Toronto. It is inscribed:“In memory of Helena and Edwin Lipson.”My sister andbrother now had alasting memorial totheir brief lives—aresting place for theirneshamas (souls).That Chanukah, thecongregation arrangedfor a formal dedicationof the Lipson Menorah,and Jodi and Jackdecided to host a dinnerafterwards. Initially, I was reluctant toinvite my friends. None of them knewabout the shanda I had kept hiddenthroughout my life. But with Jodi’sencouragement, I agreed to invite severalold friends who had known me sincechildhood as well as a number of couplesfrom our temple.At the dinner I stood before everyoneand told my story. They werestunned—and then embraced me withtears and love and understanding. Atthat moment I realized that revealingthe truth to my friends had set me free.The dedication became my liberation.Still, the specter of shame reemergedas I began to write this story for RJmagazine. Sharing the shanda of tuberculosiswith friends had been difficultenough; could I risk exposing my secretpublicly? And yet, I realized: This is animportant opportunity to help othersopen their locked doors of shame.I now believe that everything in lifehappens for a reason. Only when wefind the courage to push beyond fearand shame can we discover its purpose.Composing these words, like seeingthe lit candles on the Lipson Menorah, isan affirmation: shandas are not forever.

FOCUS: ShandaThe Disgrace of a Nice Jewish GirlMy father believed that intermarriage was a shanda.I hoped to prove him wrong.by Annette PowersPhoto by Jorge LemusIwas a “nice Jewish girl” looking todate a “nice Jewish boy” when I methim. He was a nice secular non-Jewfrom Seattle whose religious identitywas rooted in memories ofhanging stockings on Christmasand eating chocolate onEaster. I never expected it to bemore than a summer fling, butthings escalated quickly. Onour fourth date I informed himin no uncertain terms, “Thiscan’t go anywhere.”“Why?” he asked. “Becauseyou’re not Jewish,” I stated.“And I can’t marry a non-Jew.”I then explained the conceptof a shanda—something thatwould bring shame upon oneself,one’s family, and the entire Jewish community.Based on my upbringing, I wouldfeel guilty for betraying generations ofJewish martyrs who had died so that Icould be free to be Jewish. How couldI marry a non-Jew, contributing to theassimilation and possible disappearanceof my people? And even if I could acceptintermarriage, my father never would.My father believed that intermarriagewas a shanda. He had repeatedly told mehow important it was to marry “inside.”He worried about the ultimate demise ofthe Jewish people through assimilation.He also believed that marriage was“tough enough as it is” and “easier if youstart with a common culture, religion, andvalues.” Years ago, my father threatenedto disown my older sister if she marriedAnnette Powers is Communications and PRManager at the URJ. You can read her personalblog at huffingtonpost.com/annette-powers.her non-Jewish boyfriend. I didn’t thinkhe would have had the heart to do it, butthe relationship ended before his willwas tested. I loved my father dearly,On my wedding day.respected his convictions even when wedidn’t always agree, and ascribed greatimportance to his opinions.But I wasn’t willing to break up withmy boyfriend. Sure, I shared my father’sconcerns about the survival of the Jewishpeople and, though it might sound stereotypical,was aware of the cultural differencesbetween our Jewish family and hisnon-Jewish one. Our families communicateddifferently. In my family weaddressed our feelings openly; his tendedto ignore uncomfortable issues, hopingthey would just go away. Yet I still feltthat our similarities outweighed our differences.I just hoped my father wouldagree and come around to the idea thatdating—even marrying—a non-Jewdidn’t have to be a shanda. Howeverchallenging, I believed that intermarriagecould work and I could have a Jewishhome, raise a Jewish family, and contributeto Jewish peoplehood.As the years went by and our relationshipintensified, my boyfriendaccompanied me to many a seder andKol Nidre service. When we moved intogether, we lit Shabbat candlesweekly and danced around theliving room singing z’mirot(Shabbat songs). We attendedJudaism classes and a supportgroup for interfaith couples andagreed that if we ever had kids,we would raise them as Jews.Through it all, my father and Ihad many long discussions onthe subject of intermarriage.Eventually he came to acceptmy choice, though it was verydifficult for him.When my boyfriend askedmy parents for my hand in marriage, hereassured my father that he understoodthe importance of Judaism in our livesand would honor and uphold Jewish traditionsand values. Though probably stillreluctant, my father lovingly said yes. Hehad come to adore this young man andsaw that we were happy together.In the months that followed, friendsand family were surprised at how wellmy father was “handling” our engagement.But I knew that a piece of him wasdying inside, and I felt horribly guiltyabout it. The Reform rabbi we’d asked tomarry us counseled my dad severaltimes before our wedding, helping himwork through his conflicted feelings.About a year after our beautifulJewish wedding, we found out we werehaving a baby boy. When he was 16months old, I discovered that my husbandwas having an affair. He told mehe was in love with the other womanreform judaism 45 winter 2012

and wanted a divorce. I was shockedand devastated. If there were cracks inour relationship, he had not communicatedthem to me. In an instant my seven-yearrelationship and three-yearmarriage was over. One of the firstthings I said to him was, “How will Itell my dad?!”I had worked so hard to convincemy father that this marriage would notbring disgrace upon myself, my family,or my people. Now I could hear himsaying, “I told you so! A Jewish guywouldn’t have done this!” He believedthat Jews were less likely to keep suchsecrets and commit such despicableacts. Of course, plenty of Jews alsowithhold their feelings and cheat ontheir spouses. It was not lost on me thatmy husband’s mistress was Jewish.(Didn’t she know that having an affairwith a married man is a shanda?!)But when I told my dad, his first andforemost concern was for my wellbeing.To this day he and my mother have beenextremely supportive of me, thoughoccasionally my dad makes an “if onlyyou would have listened to me…” statement,which pierces me to the core.Recently I asked my dad if he stillthought intermarriage was a shanda.Without hesitation he answered, “Yes.”Then I asked if he thought divorce wasa shanda. Without hesitation heanswered, “No.” Yet I feel otherwise.I feel intense shame around mydivorce. I worry that I failed at the mostimportant relationship in my life andwill be judged by the Jewish community.After all, nice Jewish girls don’t getdivorced, right?Moreover, I fear that my divorcecould signify to the outside world thatmy father was right about intermarriage.On principle, I don’t want mydad to be right. I want to believe thatmy divorce is not related in any wayto the fact that my ex was not Jewish.And yet I can’t help but think sometimes,Maybe things would haveturned out differently had my husbandbeen Jewish. Even though Ibelieve we should welcome non-Jewsinto our communities—because intermarriageis not a shanda—these daysI nonetheless find myself searchingagain for a “nice Jewish boy.”Sacred Circle of Sisterhoodcontinued from page 36a new world of Judaism opened up for me.Early in my WRJ board service, I wasoffered the honor of chanting Torah duringthe Biennial Assembly. I said “no,” becauseI was unable to read from the Torah, anddecided then and there to become an adultbat mitzvah—for if I were ever offered suchan opportunity again, I wanted to be ableto say “yes.” In 1998, I became a bat mitzvahwith a class of women from my Sisterhood.And, when I was asked again, I wasready—chanting Torah at the URJ Biennial/WRJassembly in Orlando in 1999.Sisterhood opens doors through whichmany of us would not have otherwiseentered. Our foremothers marched for theright to vote. We helped found the ReligiousCoalition for Reproductive Choice.Our foremothers taught their daughtersJudaism. We study, teach, and have publisheda wealth of women’s scholarship toenhance our studies, including Covenantof the Heart and Covenant of the Soul, twobooks of prayers, poems, and meditations.Q: What are otherWRJ contributions toReform Judaism?Lynn: NFTS was solely responsible forbuilding a dormitory on HUC’s Cincinnaticampus in the early 1920s. At the time thecollege was a commuter school in desperateneed of providing on-campus housingfor the young men studying to be Americanrabbis. Recognizing the importanceof supporting those who would lead ournascent American Reform movement intothe future, Sisterhood proclaimed, “We’renot building a building, we’re building Judaism!”The space is still called the SisterhoodDorm, although it now houses offices andhas become a gathering place on campus.In the 1930s, HUC and the UAHCasked NFTS to finance the rescue of severalyoung, promising Jewish students livingin Germany who would study at HUCand become part of the Reform Movement.Of course, NFTS said “Yes!” Thatis how W. Gunther Plaut, Herman Schaalman,Woli Kaelter, Alfred Wolf, and LeoLichtenberg became renowned, visionaryrabbis of our Movement.reform judaism 46 winter 2012And in the late 1940s, when the UAHCplanned its move from Cincinnati to NewYork City, NFTS Executive Director JaneEvans scouted out the property, and NFTSbecame its primary funder.Dara: WRJ continues to support a widerange of Reform projects through its YESFund, among them WUPJ’s NETZER youthcamps in the Former Soviet Union, annualscholarships for eight Reform rabbinicand cantorial students, a Mother-DaughterBeit Midrash, a legislative assistant atthe Religious Action Center of ReformJudaism, and the Israel Religious ActionCenter’s efforts to eliminate gender discriminationin Israel.Q: What are the greatestchallenges facing Sisterhoodin its second century, andhow is WRJ positioningitself to address them?Lynn: One of our greatest challenges is toengage the next generation of young womenwho identify as Reform Jews but do not seethemselves joining traditional dues/membershiporganizations. We are asking ourselves:Where are Jewish mothers of youngchildren investing their time and energy?What kinds of activities will involve families?What synergies exist between WRJand other organizations that interact withwomen and their families? Can we implementnew membership models?We also wish to reach out to the readersof Reform Judaism magazine. If you area woman who is not part of our collectivevoice, we invite you into the WRJ family.Join us in advocating for important causesand supporting one another in living Jewishlyconnected lives. Visit wrj.org or call866-WRJ-5924 and let’s begin a conversationabout welcoming you into the sacredcircle of Sisterhood.Our 2013 Centennial celebration(wrj.org/Centennial) is a huge opportunityto re-envision WRJ and raise funds to“seed” new initiatives. Just as the womenwho came before us planned for a futurethat would bring us to this Centennial celebration,we are now planning to ensurethat our second century is as powerfuland transformative as the first.

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NEWS&VIEWS1 2 3 4 5 6 7OF REFORM JEWSStephen M. Sacks: Photograph by Marshall H. CohenCHAIRMAN’S PERSPECTIVE Pursuing JusticeA central tenet of Reform Judaism is our commitment to socialjustice. One of the ways the URJ helps congregations and individualsfulfill that commitment is through our Just Congregations program.Founded six years ago by Rabbi Jonah Pesner, Just Congregations engagescongregations in identifying areas of injustice and then bringing the collectivepower of the congregation and its members together with a broad-basedcoalition to transform their communities. Now co-led with great energy andsavvy by Lila Foldes and Rabbi Stephanie Kolin, Just Congregations partnerswith more than 150 congregations engaged in a myriad of civic actionprojects in 26 states. We help synagogues set goals; train interested membersin community organizing techniques, including the critical task of buildingrelationships to mobilize collective power; and then work closely withcongregations as they move forward with specific actions. Instead of justsaying, “What can we do to help?” congregations learn to ask, “Who hasthe power to change the situation?” and then develop a plan to build localrelationships within and outside the congregation to effectuate such change.Temple Sinai in Washington, DC exemplifies how Just Congregationsworks. A year ago, after deciding to revitalize its longstanding commitmentto social action, the congregational leadership chose not to followthe usual trajectory of first determining what projects it wanted to undertakeand then finding people to take them on. Instead, it started from the“bottom up,” adopting the Just Congregations approach: Temple membersjoined together for intensive discussions to ascertain what issues weremost important to them—in their case, education, jobs, housing, disabilityrights, and marriage equality. As a result, Temple Sinai now has acadre of members—many of whom were not previously engaged intemple life—actively pursuing these issues in partnership with morethan 50 churches, mosques, and other area organizations.Just Congregations is not a substitute for other social action endeavors.Nor does it work for every synagogue—there are limiting factors based ongeography, available local partners, and a congregation’sinterests. But I encourage you to explore the rich resourceswe offer, and consider investigating the role communityorganizing might play in advancing your temple’s commitmentto social action. To learn more, visit the URJ’s website at urj.org or email justcongregations@urj.org.STEPHEN M. SACKSStephen M. Sacks, ChairmanUnion for Reform Judaism Board of Trusteesreform judaism 49 winter 2012QUOTABLE In PrintGermany Bans Circumcision“For 4,000 years Jews haveconsidered male circumcisionan essential part of ourCovenant with the Almighty.We urge the courts and thegovernment of Germany toreverse this decision and thefundamental threat it representsto the foundation of ourreligious beliefs.”—Rabbi Stephen Lewis Fuchs,WUPJ President, the first offive signatories to the WorldUnion for Progressive Judaismstatement in response toa German court decisionoutlawing the practice ofritual circumcision, June 2012Grieving Women Get Justice“This ruling sends a messagethat is loud and clear: anyrabbi who abuses his positionto exclude women fromthe process of mourning aloved one has another judgmentwaiting for him in theIsraeli courts.”—Anat Hoffman, ExecutiveDirector, Israel Religious ActionCenter, commenting on theIsraeli court’s June 2012 rulingthat condemns women’s segregationfrom men within traditionalburial societies. IRAC’sclaimant, Rosie, who had beenthwarted from delivering aeulogy at her father’s funeral,was awarded the maximumcompensation (about $8,000).PHOTOS: 1 Lisa Messinger2 Michelle Black 3 Margie Zeskind4 Rabbi Scott Weiner 5 NancyBossov 6 Marsha Newstat7 Cathy Rolland.... For moreabout these leaders read on….

NEWS&VIEWSOF REFORM JEWSQUOTABLE from p. 49Moses’ Midlife Crisis“Moses was 80 when Godtold him to make a midlifecareer change—to give up theshepherding business and gointo the business of leadingthe Jewish people. Go downto Egypt, and tell old Pharaoh:Let My people go.Moses uses all kinds ofarguments to get out of theassignment: I have a speechimpediment. The Israeliteswill not listen to me. Even ifthey do, the Egyptians will not.Yet there is one argumenthe never uses. He does notsay: I am too old. He ends uptaking the job. And—I thinkyou will agree—he does itfairly well.Forty years later, God saysto Moses: It is time for you toretire. I need a younger manto bring the people of Israelinto the land.If you were Moses, whatwould you have said? I’d say:Thank you. I’ll take my SocialSecurity now and move toFlorida.But Moses, at the age of120, fights as hard as he canto keep working, if not as theleader, then as an assistant.What can we learn fromMoses? When we reach oldage, we need a job; otherwise,our lives will be dull, empty,pointless. It need not be a jobthat pays a salary—but weneed to have an important job,one that makes a difference.”—Rabbi Jack RiemerTeens Unite for Tikkun“While each one of us maybelong to a different Jewishyouth movement, we areconnected by our passion anddesire to fulfill tikkun olam,our responsibility to repairthe world. Together we mustcreate a more inclusive andopen Jewish community fortoday and tomorrow.”—The Coalition of Jewish Teens,representing NFTY (Reform),NCSY (Orthodox), USY (Conservative),BBYO (pluralistic),and Young Judea (Zionist).ACTIONInvolving Families with Young ChildrenTwo years ago, Lisa Messinger(photo #1), president of 1,200-memberWestchester Reform Temple (WRT) inScarsdale, New York (wrtemple.org),began a “conversation” about the 25%enrollment declinein its early childhoodcenter—fromthe high of 152children in 2004 to114 in 2010.Also of concernwas the highnumber of earlychildhood centerfamilies—65%—who were nottemple members.A survey showedthat a sizeablenumber of themwere not planningto join the congregationuntil theirchild entered thereligious school’sthird grade, themandatory start for bar/bat mitzvah.“We didn’t want people to wait untilthird grade to join,” Messinger says.She began the conversation byforming an early engagement taskforce. It sought advice from the Unionfor Reform Judaism about how othercongregations were addressing theseissues, and then adapted practices tomeet WRT’s needs. A social worker,added to the center staff, began leadingnew, free infant classes (based on theMommy and Me concept) for the widercommunity and helping three- andfour-year-olds with social skills. Thecongregation realigned the center’sschedule to match that of the publicschools, enabling the children to attendthe school while their parents worked.New marketing material both highlightedthe center’s Jewish curriculumand conveyed that the center’s “learnthrough play” approach would meetthe high standards of academicUNIVERSAL PRE-K STUDENTS LEARN ABOUTTORAH ORNAMENTS AT TEMPLE ISRAEL OFNEW ROCHELLE’S KEHILLAH SCHOOL, 2012.achievement in this community.And then, as WRT leaders realizedthat a new model was needed toaccomplish both goals—increasingenrollment in the early childhood centerand the families’membershipin the temple—anew membershiptask force beganexamining thebroader issues.WRT had beenoffering reducedmembership ratesfor singles andpeople under 35,but a number ofparents of centerchildren were 35+.So the membershiptask force recommendedand theboard approved anew membershippolicy: Starting inJuly 2012, templemembership would be included withearly childhood center tuition for parentswhose oldest child attended thecenter. “Rather than waiting for peopleto join, we realized we needed to openour doors to begin their sense ofbelonging before they paid anything,”Messinger says.The new membership policy alsoextends to the religious school. Familieswho enroll their children in kindergartenthrough grade two receive a50% membership discount.WRT Executive Director Yoel Magidreports that “after years of decliningenrollment, we’re seeing an increase.”The center enrolled 130 children for2012-13—up 15% over the previousschool year. And 31 families haveenrolled their children in the qualifyingreligious school grades, compared toan average of 7 or 8 families over thelast half dozen years.“Our tremendous effort to makereform judaism 50 winter 2012

the early childhood center and membershipmore attractive is paying off,”he says.♦ ♦ ♦In 2011, four young mothers, allfriends and members of 1,000-familyTemple Beth Elohim in Wellesley,Massachusetts (tbewellesley.org), heldan informal brainstorming meetingaround one of their kitchen tables.With the exception of the congregation’sTot Shabbats, they felt therewere not enough temple activities forfamilies like themselves with youngchildren, and they were determined tochange that.The four mothers devised ShirShabbat, a Sabbath celebration programof singing and dancing for parentsand children, open to membersand prospective members alike. To payfor the professional entertainment,each woman chipped in $250.In the beginning, only a dozen familiesparticipated in the monthly TotShabbat program. Now the Tot Shabbatand Shir Shabbat programs eachattract three dozen families curiousenough about the congregation tospend a Friday night or Saturdaymorning there. A bagel brunch extendsthe experience.Shir Shabbat’s success promptedTBE to form a “Families with YoungChildren” committee that “gives ourdemographic a voice at the table,”says committee co-chair MichelleBlack (photo #2), one of the originalfour mothers. As a result, the congregationhired a family educator toimplement such programs as KatanGadol, featuring play, songs, stories,and Shabbat snacks for parents andchildren ranging from 15 months toage 2½; Tikkun for Tots, a socialaction program for parents and theirchildren; the 10-week course “Parentingthrough a Jewish Lens” co-sponsoredby the local federation; andsupervised babysitting during Fridaynight services, among others.With the addition of Fall FamilyFunfest, a working moms program,and group study with the rabbi andcantor, something’s now going onevery weekend at TBE for familieswith young children. “There is a generalbuzz in and outside the temple aboutour programs for young families,”Black says, “and it’s had a substantialimpact on membership.”Over the past year, of the 97 newfamilies who have joined the congregation,40 of them are families withyoung children, and more are likely tobecome temple members as their totsenter kindergarten.♦ ♦ ♦In 2010, having learned from severalyoung couples that the few Jewishdaycare facilities nearby had waitinglists, Margie Zeskind (photo #3),director of early childhood educationat Temple Beth Sholom in MiamiBeach (tbsmb.org), approached theboard of the 800-family congregationwith a proposal.Since the early 1950s the congregationhad been home to the FoundationSchool, a preschool program for ages 2to 5. Zeskind believed TBS needed totake the Foundation School in a newdirection. “If you get young Jewishfamilies into infant care, then theybecome a part of a Jewish communityright from the start,” she told the board.“If these families have to find childcareoutside the Jewish world, we maynever get them back. We have anopportunity to nurture their Judaism.”She proposed adding an infant/childcare center to the FoundationSchool, and in 2011 the board agreed.Two schoolrooms were converted toserve the new population of children 8weeks old to toddler, and this Septemberthe center opened along with theFoundation School.This year the school/center’s combinedenrollment of 210 childrenexceeds last year’s by more than 10%,and the center’s eight-baby “infantroom” is filled. Young moms and dadswho enroll a child in the center receivefree temple membership. Zeskindcontinued on next pagereform judaism 51 winter 2012QUOTABLE from p. 50Strive for Belonging,Not Membership“In American Grace, an examinationof religion in America,scholars Robert Putnam andDavid Campbell note that it isworse to be a worshiper withno friends than to have nomembership at all. ‘A personwho attends church regularlybut has no close friends thereis actually unhappier than herdemographic twin whodoesn’t attend church at all...and religious friendship seemssupercharged [as a determinerof happiness].’ There is evidencethat there is specialbenefit to friendships forgedand maintained in an atmosphereof shared spiritualsearch and tradition. Anyonewho has ever watched or beenthe person alone at an onegknows how lonely it can be inpurportedly sacred space.The person who feels she hasno friends here may even be amember of the congregation,but doesn’t feel she belongs.People will give up membershipswhen they areassessing financial and timecommitments. They will notso easily dispense withbelonging—the ubiquitousyearning to feel loved, needed,and connected to othersthrough shared values andpurpose. Belonging is aboutthe answers to questions suchas, ‘Who hears my voice?Who would truly miss me asan individual if I were nothere? Whose faces light upwhen I arrive? Who will helpme when I am dejected anddiscouraged? Who needswhat I have to offer?’ Itenables us to feel, in someway, at home in the world.We must raise the questionabout whether congregationsand Jewish communal organizationsare currently servingsufficiently as places to nourishrelationships that offer such adeep sense of belonging.”—Rabbi Edythe Held Mencher,The Reform Jewish Quarterly,CCAR Press, Summer 2012

NEWS&VIEWSOF REFORM JEWSQUOTABLE The Blogs“I joined Israel ReligiousAction Center leader AnatHoffman in a Freedom Ridein Jerusalem to protest therelegation of women to theback of the bus, as promotedby Haredi custom. While wesat on the bus—in the front—a Haredi woman boarded atthe front entrance (ratherthan at the back) and, with abig smile on her face, satdown right next to Anat! Itwas a moment to be proud.”—URJ PresidentRabbi Rick Jacobs on rj.org“One of the significant challengeswe face is the pervasivenessof literalism inAmerican culture. The literalismof texts leads to theliteralism of lives. We’ve allheard slogans like “There’sa key to being successful”;“There’s a sure way to behappy.” Yet, the most importantquestions in our lives—the questions that involveour social relations, our lifechoices, our identities, andour spiritualities—don’toften have singular answers.Several years ago, Istopped speaking about‘the story of Chanukah.’After reading the Books ofMaccabees, Josephus, BTShabbat 21b, Elias Bickerman,and Victor Tcherikover,I realized that there aremany stories of Chanukah,each with its own particularrelevance for us today. Now,I teach ‘the stories of Chanukah.’This routinely provokesthe question, ‘but rabbi,what’s the true story?’ towhich I respond, ‘they’re alltrue’—an answer which isnever satisfactory, but astep in the right direction.”—Rabbi Joseph A. Sklooton rj.orgACTION continued from page 51expects that in time, they, like theFoundation School parents, willbecome temple board members andcommittee chairs. For now, she says,“The young families are thrilled. Theytell me, ‘Thank you for giving us aJewish placefor our baby.’”♦ ♦ ♦Three yearsago, whenRabbi ScottWeiner (photo#4) becamesenior rabbi of550-familyTemple Israelof NewRochelle, NewYork (tinr.org), he and his wife could not findfull-time childcare in a Jewish setting,a situation also faced by other templefamilies with young children.Temple leaders conducted a studyto determine the feasibility of openinga full-time Jewish early childhoodcenter and how it might best function.“The recommendation was to shutdown the existing part-time preschoolfor ages 2 to 5, and do something differentand quite bold,” says NancyBossov (photo #5), who first servedas an early childhood consultant andis now director of Temple Israel earlychildhood education and the KehillahSchool for Early Learning.In 2011 the congregation openedthe Kehillah School for ages 6 weeksto pre-kindergarten—constituting theonly full-time, year-round Jewish daycarecenter in the heavily Jewish populatedareas of Westchester County andManhattan. The curriculum for all agesrevolves around a Jewish theme-of-themonth,anything from tikkun olam toshalom bayit; learning continues outsideof school with monthly distributionof a CD of theme-based Jewishstories for home listening, monthlythematic family events, and Tot Shab-PURIM TOT SHABBAT AT THE BETH SHIR SHALOMEARLY CHILDHOOD CENTER, 2011.bat. Thirty-eight students attended theinaugural school year, and this year thenumber is up to 77. To engage theyoung families, Temple Israel providescomplimentary membership to parentswhose children are in school full-timeand a reduced rate to families withpart-time students. Between September2011, whenthe schoolopened, andSeptember2012, 40 newfamilies havebecome templeaffiliates.♦ ♦ ♦How canyour congregationbestengage today’sfamilieswith young children? Here are eightkey guidelines:1. Consider establishing a fulltimeearly education/preschool/daycareprogram as a gateway into thecongregation. Mary Lou Allen, an earlychildhood educator/infant/toddlerspecialist who consults on training andcurriculum assessment, says that suchprograms offer congregations a “windowof opportunity” to connect withyoung Jewish parents. If finances arean issue for prospective parents, shesuggests that congregations considertuition discounts. Allen also recommendsproviding the incentive of freemembership to parents of children inearly childhood programs. “It’s valueadded,”she says, “and reinforces theidea that you don’t have to wait untilthe child is ready for bar/bat mitzvahstudy to join the temple.”2. Use “small” to your advantage.That’s the philosophy of Beth ShirShalom (bethshirshalom.org), a250-family congregation in SantaMonica, California that runs a full-dayearly childhood center. While there isno shortage of similar and larger programswithin a half-hour’s drive of thetemple, Beth Shir Shalom’s centerreform judaism 52 winter 2012

serves 80 children—its maximumcapacity. Director Marsha Newstat(photo #6) attributes the success to avariety of factors: new Baby and Meprenatal classes, a lowered enrollmentage of 18 months, a new kindergartenprogram, an educational philosophythat encourages imagination and creativity,being accredited on the websiteof National Association for the Educationof Young Children—the “goldstandard in the field,” running a popularChanukah candle-lighting ceremonyat a local promenade, welcomingthe larger community’s interfaith andmulti-racial families, integrating Judaismwell into the curriculum—andusing the congregation’s small size toadvantage. Rabbi Neil Comess-Danielsand Cantorial Soloist Diane Rose, wholead a weekly Tot Shabbat, havebecome familiar faces to the children.“The little kids walk in the halls andrecognize the rabbi. They yell, ‘Hi,rabbi!’ I love that,” Newstat says.About 60% of enrolled families aremembers, who receive an 18% tuitiondiscount. And 80% of non-membersbecome temple members.3. Educate and inspire your templeBoard. Cathy Rolland (photo #7),director of the URJ’s early childhoodeducation faculty, says that “when youraise board member awareness aboutthe vital role of early childhood initiativesin engaging young families andhelping to grow the next generation ofJews in your community, the board ismuch more likely to support critical initiatives.”Rolland recommends appointinga liaison from the board or executivecommittee to facilitate this process.Allen adds that “a preschool shouldbe viewed as part of the congregationrather than as a separate entity, as thisenables the synagogue staff to buildrelationships with parents through clergyvisits and contact with the religiousschool director.”4. Quality is key. Extensive researchon what young families want from earlychildhood education shows that the mostimportant factor is offering a quality program,Rolland says. Congregational pre-school and early engagement programsare not just competing within the Jewishworld—with each other and/or Jewishcommunity centers—but with an entireworld of excellence in early childhoodeducation/engagement. “If you’re notoffering something outstanding, youngfamilies will go elsewhere,” she says.5. Meet young families where theyare outside the congregational walls.For example, 125 families, about 80%temple members, are participatingin Temple Israel of New Rochelle’sPJ Library subscription program(pjlibrary.org), whereby (thanks to theHarold Grinspoon Foundation) childrenages 6 months to 8 years receive free,age-appropriate Jewish books and music.The congregation hosted two events forsubscribing PJ Library families, includinga “pajama party” at which 150parents and children decorated their ownpillowcases and learned about Jewishbedtime rituals. “The PJ Library programmakes the congregation a morewelcoming place for these families,”Associate Rabbi Beth Nichols says.To encourage young families to participatein such innovative programs,Rolland suggests that every congregationenlist its own “pied piper” who can reachout through personal connections and/orsocial media. “Ideally,” she says, “theperson should be of the same demographicas the young parents. If you don’tknow of anyone within the congregation,reach out beyond your temple community—viewit as a growth opportunity tobring someone new into your orbit.”Rolland also stresses the importanceof making sure your early childhoodinitiatives are highlighted—withgood positioning and excellent photography—onyour website and Facebookpages. “Today’s young families expecthigh quality, up-to-date information atall times,” she says.6. Focus on your clients. “Alwaysconsider who your clients are, theirneeds now, what their needs may lookJEWISH HERITAGE TOURS & OTHER DESTINATIONSSMALL GROUPS - DELUXE ACCOMMODATIONS - PERSONALIZED ATTENTION1-800-242-TOVAwww.tovagilead.comLogo designed by studio Kalderon ©reform judaism 53 winter 2012

NEWS&VIEWSOF REFORM JEWSNOTEWORTHYMuhammad Ali’s Grandson—aBar Mitzvah On April28, 2012, Jacob Wertheimer,the grandson of boxing legendMuhammad Ali, becamea bar mitzvah at CongregationRodeph Shalom in Philadelphia,Pennsylvania.Khaliah Ali-Wertheimer,Jacob’s mother, was bornand raised as a Muslim; herhusband, Spencer Wertheimer,is Jewish. “No oneput any pressure on Jacob tobelieve one way or another,”she says. “He chose this onhis own because he felt akinship with Judaism andJewish culture.”During the ceremonyMuhammad Ali supportedhis grandson and lookedintently at the Torah.Reform Jew Olympics StarALY RAISMANAlexandra “Aly” Raisman,a member of Temple BethAvodah in Newton Center,Massachusetts, led the U.S.women’s gymnastics teamto Olympic gold at this pastsummer’s London games.The squad captain’s floorroutine, performed to ajazzed-up version of HavaNagila, received the highestfloor exercise score of theevening, sealing the U.S.team’s victory over Russia.Notably, she also dedicatedher win to the memory ofthe Israeli athletes slain inMunich in 1972, after theInternational Olympic Committeehad ruled againsthonoring them with amoment of silence in theopening ceremonies.“Aly is what you see onTV…gracious, confident,focused,” says Rabbi KeithStern. “She was the same ather bat mitzvah.”ACTION continued from page 53like two to five years ahead, and howyour programs can serve them,” saysNancy Bossov. For example, recognizethat “we can no longer just think of thetraditional nuclear family; instead, wehave to consider a diversity of families,including single-parent families, samesexfamilies, interreligious families,interracial families, and dual-parentworking families, all of whose needs arevery different. If a congregation’s educationalprogram cannot serve this broaderpopulation, it becomes obsolete.”7. Investigate grants. While grantfunding is not currently available in alllocalities, Cathy Rolland notes thatsome congregations have secured grantsto grow their early childhood initiatives.Temple Beth Elohim in Wellesley, Massachusetss,for example, received a CJP/ Greater Boston Jewish Federation2012-13 innovation grant for Fridayevening Shabbat programming engagingfamilies with young children.8. Ask the Reform Movement. Youcan consult with Cathy Rolland atcrolland@urj.org and Jennifer Magalnick,associate director of early engagement,at jmagalnick@urj.org. If yourcongregation is considering providingfull-time childcare, make use of the feasibilitystudy, “Market Analysis Guidelinesfor Congregational Child Care Cen-WHAT WORKS from page 56he would be proud to hang these niceletters on his office wall. Smiling, theBooksteins encouraged him to work onthe second bag of letters. This took a littlemore effort, but eventually RabbiGoor figured out S-A-N-C-T-U-A-R-Y.Puzzled, he and Cantor Kent stared atthe combination of words for severalminutes until the realization hit.“I just couldn’t believe such generosity,that they would want to honor mewith my name on our sanctuary,” RabbiGoor says. “It was emotional, exciting,and I was in tears. I felt tremendouslyreform judaism 54 winter 2012ters, which guides you through the stepsto take and can be amended as needed,at urj.org/learning/teacheducate/childhood. To learn more about earlychildhood engagement, watch the URJ’swebinars at urj.org/learning/meetings/webinars/archive. To exchange ideaswith other early childhood professionalscommitted to strengthening young families’ties to Reform Judaism, join theEarly Childhood Educators of ReformJudaism (ECE-RJ) at ecerj.org or emailecerj@comcast.net. In addition, theUnion offers incubator grants (urj.org/incubator) of up to $5,000/year for innovativepilot programming, such as theedible container garden Rodef ShalomCongregation in Pittsburgh created in2011 to engage existing and prospectivemembers. Congregational volunteers ofall ages worked in the garden; preschoolchildren harvested, cooked, and ate theproduce; and garden harvests weredonated to Meals on Wheels. That year,59 new members joined the congregation,a 15% increase over the average ofthe last five years.If, with the Reform Movement’shelp, your congregation can find its pathto successful engagement of young families,you may reap the same rewards.—Barbara Pash,a freelance writer in Baltimore andmember of Har Sinai Congregationhumbled, slightly uncomfortable, andhugely grateful.”Just before the grand opening, RabbiGoor stood at the entrance to thesanctuary and for the first time saw hisname displayed in beautiful brushedsilver letters.“Among all the feelings that welledup in me was one overwhelmingthought. I wished I could share thisgreat honor with my mom. She wouldhave been so proud.”—Gail Aspinwall,public relations writer and member ofTemple Judea, Tarzana, California.

Photo by Rita Rubin originally published in TabletNOTEWORTHYReform Rabbi to Open MedicalMarijuana DispensaryRABBI JEFFREY KAHN OUTSIDE THESITE OF THE FUTURE DISPENSARYRabbi Jeffrey Kahn andhis wife, nurse StephanieReifkind Kahn, will be openingone of the first medicalmarijuana dispensaries inWashington, D.C. in order toease the suffering of peoplewho might benefit frommedical marijuana.Over the last decade theKahns had witnessed firsthandthe suffering of bothStephanie’s father, who hadmultiple sclerosis, and mother,who had cancer. Doctors hadrecommended marijuana toboth of them to minimize theirsymptoms, and the few timesher father could secure it hefound it reduced his pain andmuscle spasms, but becausethey lived in states wheremedical marijuana was illegal,it was practically impossiblefor them to obtain it.After their deaths, “ourmidlife quest for a new wayto make a positive differencein people’s lives and a lifelongcommitment to pushingthe envelope to help othersmade this the obvious pathto follow,” Rabbi Kahn says.Two years ago theybegan laying the groundworkfor a legal dispensaryin D.C., and this past Junethe D.C. Department ofHealth approved their TakomaWellness Center as oneof the first four applicantseligible to register to operatesuch dispensaries in theD.C. district.MARGARET MORSE TOURSNO ONE DOES ISRAEL BETTER, NO ONE!JOIN US IN 2013 FOR AN UNFORGETTABLE EXPERIENCE!2013 DEPARTURE DATESALL 16 DAYS INCLUDE16 DAYS INCLUDING2 NIGHTS IN EILATMAR. 5 - 20APRIL 23 - MAY 8MAY 7 - 22MAY 21 - JUNE 5OCT. 1 - 16OCT. 15 - 30OCT. 29 - NOV. 13GUARANTEEDTO BE THETRIP OF ALIFETIME!5 star deluxe hotelsAll breakfasts and dinners(except one night in Jerusalem)Comprehensive sightseeingWonderful evening entertainmentCocktail parties - live music and moreCruise on The Sea of the GalileeAlways surprise extras!MARGARET MORSE TOURSADULTSONLYg2013 DEPARTURE DATESJUNE 11 - 23 (13 DAYS)JUNE 11 - 26JUNE 25 - JULY 7 (13 DAYS)JUNE 25 - JULY 10JULY 30 - AUG. 11 (13 DAYS)JULY 30 - AUG. 14AUG. 13 - 25 (13 DAYS)AUG. 13 - 28DEC. 21 - JAN. 1, 2014 (12 DAYS)FAMILYOWNEDANDOPERATEDSINCE1980CELEBRANT GOES TOTALLY FREE **FREE LAND TOUR, RESTRICTIONS APPLYCeremony on Masada & Rabbi’s servicesBar/Bat Mitzvah celebration partyArcheological hands-on digKayakingCamel ridesSnorkelingHikingGiftsAnd more!*FREE TOUR INCLUDESBAR /BAT MITZVAHAND FAMILIES16 DAYS INCLUDING2 NIGHTS IN EILATBROWSE PHOTOS, ORDER BROCHURES, REGISTER NOW!www.margaretmorsetours.comCALL 800.327.3191 \ 954.458.2021OR EMAIL info@margaretmorsetours.comTHEULTIMATEFAMILYEXPERIENCE!greform judaism 55 winter 2012

NEWS&VIEWSOF REFORM JEWSWHAT WORKS How to Catalyze Congregational ChangeEngaging Young Professionals & New Parents“The majority of Jews in America avoid all congregationalaffiliation for much, if not most, of their lives,” says Rabbi GaryGlickstein of Temple Beth Sholom (TBS) in Miami Beach. “Inspite of this,Jews tend toremain fiercelyconnected totheir ownunderstandingof their Jewishidentity. Ourcongregationwanted to nurturethat connectionandintensify it, tomeet all JewsENJOYING THE TRIBE PARTY ANDSALVADOR DALI EXHIBIT.where they are, enhance their unique Jewish journeys, andhelp bring them closer to the formal Jewish community.”Six years ago, with seed money from the New OrleansbasedWoldenberg Foundation, TBS established The OpenTent, a semi-autonomous entity that aimed to connect the“unaffiliated” to the Jewish community with no stringsattached. Led by Rabbi Gayle Pomerantz and a group ofTBS lay leaders, The Open Tent focused on three programmaticarms, each targeting a different demographic:• The Tribe, for young professionals between the ages of22 and 45, offering connections through social holiday celebrationsand intimate Shabbat dinners;• Shalom Baby, for expectant parents, a six-week classincluding sessions taught by a mohel and a rabbi, as well asCPR and birthing techniques; and• Shalom Tots, for new parents, with monthly familyevents revolving around Jewish holidays and themes.Rabbi Pomerantz explains that “each group targets individualsat points in their lives when they are seeking newrelationships.” For example, when young adults give birth oradopt their first baby, they begin to reconsider their identities,relationships, and professional goals. Many have also movedthousands of miles from home—another set of circumstancesthat offers an opportunity to engage such Jews who might nototherwise attend programs with Jewish sponsors. ShalomBaby—with 22 filled classes to date—is meeting that need,finding most of these Jewish young adults by partnering witha local hospital, referring obstetrician, or midwife.Shalom Tots, an outgrowth of Shalom Baby, allows parentsto continue the connections they’ve made in the class. Programsoften take place at the temple or at public spaces suchas local parks and museums. An estimated 75% of Shalom Totgraduates return to the temple for some type of program, andsome 30% of graduates have become temple members.The Tribe has attracted nearly 2,000 young Jewish professionalsto signature community events such as “Shabbat onthe Beach” and “Jews and Canoes.”“The lesson here is that many Jews want to be a part ofthe Jewish world, but on their terms,” says Shelle y Niceley-Groff, past Open Tent board chair. “When opportunities forengagement are present, without pressure to commit, Judaismbecomes relevant for them again.”Honoring a RabbiWhen Harriet and Harvey Bookstein invited Rabbi DonGoor and Cantor Evan Kent to dinner at Mastro’s last August,Rabbi Goor assumed it would simply be a lovely evening withgenerous, caring congregants whom he had known for years.But the Booksteins had a surprise for the rabbi of Temple Judeain Tarzana, California—one that would move him to tears, or ashe later described, “made me feel completely ferklempt.”Six months earlier, the Bookstein family had made anunusual request when they agreed to support the temple’s Legacyproject with the gift of a new sanctuary. Holders of the namingrights, they wished to name the sanctuary in honor of RabbiDonald Goor, with the stipulation that he remain unaware of thetribute until the very last minute, when his name was actuallyinstalled on the wall. They understood his deep sense of humilityand that such a great honor might initially embarrass him.“Rabbi Goor has been such an integral part of our familyfor years, officiating at weddings, b’nai mitzvah, funerals,and important lifecycles,” explain Harvey and Harriet. “He isreally the essence of Judaism and Temple Judea for us, and itwas a shared family decision to name the sanctuary for him.We wanted to pay him tribute in a permanent, enduring way,so his legacy would be forever honored at Temple Judea.”Co-conspirator Ellen Franklin, the temple’s executivedirector, kept their secret during construction, going so far asto scramble the letters on the order form so the sign companywouldn’t accidentally leak the news. She also had to creativelystall when Rabbi Goor repeatedly expressed concern thatthe Bookstein name was not on the sanctuary wall just daysbefore the grand opening.As dessert wound down on the night of the big reveal, theBooksteins brought out two large bags of wooden letters theyhad fabricated for the occasion, explaining that playingScrabble after a special dinner was a family tradition. Openingthe first bag, Rabbi Goor and Cantor Kent played aroundwith the letters, unsure of exactly what they were doing. Aftersome speedy wordsmithing, they realized the letters spelledout “Rabbi Donald Goor,” and Rabbi Goor delightedly saidcontinued on page 54reform judaism 56 winter 2012

Announcingthe publication ofA NEW REVISION OF THE UPB - SINAI EDITIONThe Union Prayer Book: Sinai Edition, Revisedis a contemporary language, gender-neutral liturgyfor Reform congregations wishing to maintain thehistoric worship traditions of our Movement’s heritage.Preserving the beloved texts and cadences of the 1940Union Prayer Book, the Sinai Edition also embracesthe newest developments in Jewish liturgical responsesto the realities of our time—a heightened awarenessof inclusive language and a recognition of the spiritualchallenges of the transforming events of Jewish history inthis generation.The new Union Prayer Book is conceived to be usedin a broad variety of ways—as a congregation’s majorliturgy or as an alternative resource for worship servicesThe “UPB” is now available once again for those whocherish this tradition, as well as for a new generationseeking an accessible, embracing spiritual experience.The contemporary language version of The UnionPrayer Book: Sinai Edition, Vol II, for the High HolyDays, is also available.$25. per copy plus postageFor further informationand to order,please contact:CHICAGO SINAICONGREGATIONCHICAGOSINAI.ORGor877.326.1400 toll-freewww.renewreform.org