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It's All About Elections Stupid!By Asma Khan (asmaanjum.khan@gmail.com)Will he come, won't he come, the petals were being plucked and the waitwas becoming unbearable[for some!] and breaths were kept abated,Would he , could he,would he join the dance?Would he , could he, could he join the dance!The man who fooled the West ,never came, paid assassins were afterhim ,he insisted.Foolish, he sighed later about his belief in the Indian Police.We sighed too , we knew it already.The beautiful Jaipur Literary Festival was held ransom to this one manwhose literary merit is doubtful beyond a doubt and whose write ups arestrewn with abuses like pearls in a delicate string. The government didthe usual show shaw of obstructing his arrival while smiling secretly andcontentedly at its own furtive Mission Election. After this, it was MissionImpossible for Rushdie.When it became clear that he was not coming , a few of the writers turnedto a more outrageous thing, that is reading from his book.HariKunzru,Amitava Kumar and others came together for a cause they claimed.Ithought how wonderful to invite them for doing the same with poorJames Laine here in Maharashtra, who couldn't earn his fame with hisShivaji,a Hindu King in Muslim India, like Rushdi did with his SatanicVerses. Wonder if this filthy mouthed Salman would have become TheRushdi that he is today, if not for this filthy work. Interestingly, thecountry of his residence Britain has blasphemous libel restricted only forChristianity.This effectively means, as Fali S.Nariman says[IndianExpress dated Jan23, 2012] that if the four women in his book had beenlinked to Jesus Christ, in 1988, he would have been guilty of the criminaloffence of blasphemy in England-the Bastion of Free Speech!Pooh!Turn now to a live chat by the denizens of Diggy Palace [feel tempted tosay it’s all about TRP Stupid!] There was no letting go of the chance thatwas seized perfectly at the right moment by the organizers whichincluded the likes of Sanjoy and William Dalrymple. A live chat show bySalman Rushdie now.After all JLF had to be in the news, so what if it is forall the wrong reasons! Also it’s no big deal, if hundreds of other writersgathered at Jaipur remained overlooked and over shadowed by this onemanipulative fool called Rushdie.Then the expected happens,a handfulof people have gathered outside Diggy Palace. The reason is found, thelive chat show cancelled, the Tamasha is complete; seems so.But wait, there is more coming, something still needs to be done, if notthis way, then let's take a round and come round the bend.A Muslimreligious figure is to be invited and subjected to a volley of expectedquestions, and booed and jeered continuously by the panelists and thecrowd.While ducking the questions, the muslim fumbles, mumbles, andjumbles,turns around towards the hyper secular Mr.JavedAkhtar andasks, What was the question?How innocent!Cut back to BarkhaDutt now, expressing her grave concerns for andabout Salman, egging him on. The man in question mouths his usualtirades, Deobandis are the worst, he claims,[Yeah, how happy it hasmade the Tableeghis and Qaadris and Ahl e Hadeeths, you don't knowSatanic Salman!] The humiliation is complete now.This Salman knows where to rub the salt and pulls up his socks for thenext visit to the countryhe says he has emotional bonds with.I beginwondering...alone this time? Padma Lakshmi was at the Gateway ofIndia last, who now? The paraplegic? Oh no!She had dropped him too,then?TV debates rage with fury, swords are drawn but as they seemed rustedwith over and misuse are kept back where they were.Now is the time forcouch potatoes like us to comment; oh Barkha, she the......?How dareshe?Mouths fuming, faces reddening, I watch perplexed. My five year oldcalls out to me,Mumma look, the kite!Its flying high!I sigh! Barkha flying high too;too high for her, conveniently forgettingthe NiraRadia episode!The art of arguing is a fine art, says Aristotle. We the Muslims have littleappetites to swallow the half-baked prejudiced pieces of opinionpackedtherein on the panels and still keep up a smiling face.We must now learn,and learn fast.A smile here and a kick there, a nudge there and a wink here, it’s all fair inthe game! Though unequal one at that, we still need to play by the rules.Anger betrays weakness and makes the opponent smell a victory.It’ssimply not done.Mr.AsaduddinOwaisi as a panelist, is a case in point; ahugesuccessful presence in such debates; and what a fine presence hehas indeed!If anyone thinks that all this spectacle of unnecessary controversy wasbrought upon us by our own hands, then let me tell them, do not giveyourself such importance, we are the eternal pawns, forever to be fooled,gladly at that!. The Congress is rather conveying you, it’s all about (UP)elections, stupid!The lessons we learn from this kabuki of Jaipur Lit fest can be, do yourhomework first or else you will make a fool of yourself by asking torevoke the visa of Rushdi, while he not needing one as the Satan inquestion has a PIO status.Second, learn to stand up to your convictions.If they tell you that they bowed to the pressure of the fundamentalists,tell them, how you wish you could see the same in some other matters ofminorities of far more greater urgency? [For example, unjustified arrestsof our youths on a regular basis; and what about the reports of Sacharand Rangnath commissions?] Third, let's get our acts together and see toit that our voices reach the other end; and not just reach but seen to bereached and acknowledged.Else, be ready to be pounded by the pseudoliberals like the team India getting beaten up badly by the Oz in Australia.VotePoliticsBut I am conveyed blasphemy is no longer an offence in Britain accordingto Criminal Justice Act 2008.Before it, came Racial Hatred Act, 2006,which can penalize people if they try to run down eminent personalitieswith deliberate intention to cause religious hatred. Now we know howdifficult it is to prove an intention!As spoken earlier,I wish the likes of Kunzrus and his ilk, who wentoverboard outrageously by reading from that filthy work,would do thesame in Maharashtra and read from James Laine; after all the battle forfree speech must be fought at all the fronts.Bhandarkar OrientalResearch Institute was ransacked and many ancient monuments andworks severely damaged only because James Laine acknowledges themuseum as helping him with his work.A scholar was assaulted severely,and a famed politician longing for a Chief Ministerial position hadthundered, we would never allow James Laine to come here and no, thisbook, insulting our hero can never be published. So, what if the court hadcleared its way for publication? I wonder which fatwa was working here,then! Also do we remember that great artist M.F.Husain, who in exile,longed dearly to be in the land of his birth but could never make it in time?The fear of unjustified persecution and numerous libel suits filed againsthim kept this “great artist” away and he had to perish on the foreignshores.Do we ask why? Where were all these pseudo intellectuals cumliberators of the Free Speech,then? Why was Husain not helped? Whywere his immortal paintings not displayed near Jhandewalan in Delhi, orGandhinagar in Ahmedabad? Why was Husain asked to remove hisworks time and again from the art exhibitions all over the country? Whyshouldn't Jay Leno be allowed to wrongly and insultingly call a highlyrevered religious temple of the Sikhs, the Golden Temple at Amritsar, asthe summer home for Mitt Romney, a leading Republican presidentialhopeful?Where does it really end?The liberal extremists must be conveyed that we all care for ourfreedoms; yours, mine and everyone's, and if you don't care for thesanctity of your religious figures, that doesn't translate into my doing thesame.7