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eatureHe’s worth the riskBY VYRONA PARKERFOR YEARS I WENT TO CHURCH, FEELinggood that I was doing what Godwanted me to do. Over and over, Iwould ask God to show me what Hewanted of me, then I would do what Iwanted to do believing this was also Hiswill. Following my own wants and desires,I continued on the path I had chosen as thestraight and narrow, building the relationshipwith Jesus that I longed for.I found it difficult to discuss how I feltabout Jesus, and used that as an excuse tostay in the background and not have muchto say. I finished secondary school, went onto work feeling quite pious, believing mybehaviour was enough to witness for theLord. I felt my relationship with God wasgrowing, and strong. Knowing about whatGod was like through the story of Jesus’ lifehere on earth, I thought I had built thatrelationship with God so well.It had been hard work, but it was worthit, for I could talk to Him anytime, aboutanything I chose to say.Then it all came crashing down whenwithin two years I lost the two people in myfamily who were closest to me. My brotherwas killed in a car accident and my mumdied as a result of breast cancer after a fiveyearstruggle. My faith in God wavered,sliding downward quickly to a big zero. Ilost the joy of fellowshipping with churchmembers, and talking to God in prayerbecame a chore. Praising Him seemedblasphemous, seeing I had trouble evenbelieving He cared.I went into autopilot, doing what had tobe done without thinking, and just existing.I stopped studying the Bible as I couldn’tconcentrate enough to even take in a verseof the Bible, and existed by covering up mytrue feelings toward God by relying onwhat I had learned and my knowledge ofthe Bible from childhood days. There weredays when I wished with all my heart Ididn’t have to go to church, and I wouldn’thave gone if I’d had nothing to do.Because I had lost the relationship Ithought I had with God I had nowhere toturn. I felt at a loss as to what to do andwhere to go. God was not part of my lifenow and there was no feeling between us.I wrote and wrote poetry trying to workout where my life was going. I still pretendedto have a relationship with Godwhen I was with friends and acquaintances,and when I went to a small group,I asked questions trying to find the answersto my questions.Over and over, I tried to work out how Icould regain my faith. I couldn’t read myBible, but still I tried. Nothing stayed in mymind. I began to feel depressed, and deathseemed a pleasant thought. Often, I wouldthink of different ways to forget the pain Ifelt. On the outside, I learned quickly howto put the face on so people wouldn’t askquestions. I felt no-one understood orcared. All I could think of was how nice itwould be to be dead. I did the right things,in my thinking, and I just went to churchwith an invisible cloak around me so Iwouldn’t get hurt again.Even though I didn’t think God was inmy life, He was there. As the monthsrolled on, I felt mummified, but God keptworking for me. I needed someone to offloadall my pain, hurt and despair. He sentthe unlikeliest person I could ever think of,a person who I had little time for because ofwhat I had chosen to believe about him. Inmy state of uncertainty, I had listened tothis gossip, and believed it. I sent letters tothe “powers that be” to stop him frombeing appointed as my church pastor. I eventried to pray him away. I told them itcouldn’t be God’s will that he come, all tono avail. He was to be our minister. Idreaded having to meet him.Then a godly woman said to me thatmaybe God had a plan for this man. Sheencouraged me to have an open mind. Iagain covered up my feelings and let peoplethink that I had accepted this disaster. Iwent about doing “good” in the sight ofothers, attending meetings, playing musicfor church, and basically being a falseChristian.At our small-group meetings, we studiedthe Bible by reading a chapter a week. Wehad a little discussion and then had prayer.My “new” pastor spoke to me after onemeeting and told me I needed a relationshipwith God from my heart. I was0December 17, 2005
December 17, 2005 11shocked that he could see through me so quickly, but when Ithought about it for a little while, I had to admit that I hadn’t feltanything for God for a long time.Slowly, with the help of my new-found friend, he showed methrough the Word and by example what God meant to him. Hetold me that his job was to introduce His friend Jesus to me so Iwould get to know the Father and could introduce my friend Jesusto others, thus doing what God commissioned us to do, to spreadthe gospel.During this time, I was also healing, learning why I felt so muchdespair. Times of depression continued, but all through this timeI had the reassurance that God was with me, even when I couldn’tfeel His presence. He felt so far away, that sometimes I wouldcry out to Him, pleading with Him to walk with me. Each timeI went through this deep depression, I wondered if I would everlaugh again. I couldn’t find any joy in life, but had become so goodat acting, I was able to fool most people.I was given hope again, and introduced to the God of love thatI had only thought I’d known. I began seeing God’s face in mymind when I talked to Him, and often I would reflect on an imageI had in my mind of Jesus dying on the cross for me. We wouldspend time talking of Jesus and His love for me, and often I wouldbe in tears thinking about His sacrifice. I began to feel a warm glowwhen I spent thistime with Jesus.God never left me,even when I thoughtHe wasn’t there.Prayer againbecame part ofmy relationshipwith and searchfor God. I beganto look forwardto talking to God,and as I went tochurch, I found it wasn’t so hard to concentrate.God never left me, even when I thought He wasn’t there and,looking back, I feel strengthened to know I was able to get throughthis time of darkness with the help of God’s leading, and the acceptanceand love of friends.Today, I am part of a group that has planted a new church in myarea. It is a church with a difference, and has a plan to meet peoplewhere they are without judgment, introduce them to Jesus and inturn, show them how to bring their friends to Him so they can bedisciples too. My greatest joy is working with this group to revealGod’s love by showing others what God has done in my life. Yes,God does know the end from the beginning and He also knewwhat He was doing in my life.I can now say God is worth trusting, for He only ever had mybest interest at heart. He has proved His love for me and His abilityto take control of my life and, because of this, contentment andpeace follow. He even sent to me a pastor I didn’t want, a pastorwho made the difference because he was willing to be different.He has reminded me that, despite my fears, God is worth therisk! RVyrona Parker writes from Nairne, South Australia.Fill in the BlanksfeatureRecord Roo'skids cornerHi kids,Have you ever beenhungry? God wants us tooffer help and show His love tothe poor ecord and hungry. Roo'sGod evenused the prophet kids corner Elijah tohelp a widow and her son.Find out how by reading1 Kings 17:8-16RR"Help each other with your troubles. When you dothis, you truly obey the law of Christ. ”Galatians 6:2 ICBCount on Jesus...There is onlyone Jesus -but not in thispuzzle! Startingwith the letter Jevery time,move eitherhorizontally,vertically ordiagonally tofind the numberof times Jesuscan be found.EUSUSSJSSUJEJESESUSEColour in...SUSEJthe Widow giving Elijahthe last of her food.Peta Taylor, Shelli Taylor
Page 1 and 2: RECORDIn this issueAdventist school
Page 3 and 4: Adventist schools in PNG join NESLA
Page 5 and 6: New session election procedures fin
Page 7 and 8: New Ellen WhiteDVD releasedWAHROONG
Page 9: Prayer keys forChristmasBY JOY BUTL
Page 13 and 14: AnniversariesGotts, Phillip and Wil
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