Honey, can you pass me a shit bag? - Ousley Creative

Honey, can you pass mea shit bag?Insignificant ascents and significant othersBy Mike OusleyEL CAPITANYOSEMITE, CAI’d been warned. Dan told me thatclimbing a big wall with the life partneris, in ways, more stressful than with a“normal” partner. He knows because hehad done it. I recall his description2900'Muir WallrouteTangerine TripEast Ledgesdescentof feeling helplessly apprehensive asSue dispatched her leads up El Capitan,and how he’d much rather have beenon the sharp end. Of course theyfinished Tangerine Trip, but the tickcost them a load of emotional stressfor reasons I won’t elaborate on.Some months ago I’d read about a test piece big wallroute first ascended by two married couples. Thedescription of the social interplay between and within thecouples seemed to obscure the route itself, and Iimagined the situation was probably even tenser than thearticle conveyed. I discerned through the written accountand from further reading that the intensity of the ascentirreparably impacted their respective and collectiverelationships.Climbing with a sweetie, I surmised, increases the riskinherent in climbing. There’s simply more at stake whenmultiple members of the same family are up there.Those garish, true colorsAscending a monstrous rock route in multi-day style with anypartner is tantamount to highly accelerated inter-personalorientation. You could be close friends with a person for alifetime and never see him defecate, smell his odor after a© CHRIS FALKENSTIENTHAT BIG STONENo chunk of granite has gripped the imaginationof climbers like El Capitan. Big wall veteransTM Herbert and Yvon Chouinard established theMuir Wall route in ground-breaking style: As ateam of two, and without siege tactics. That wasin 1965. Today there are over eighty routes upthe formation’s sheer face. Ascents take fromhours to weeks, depending on ascent style andclimber ability. The best time to climb El Capitanis during Spring and Fall when high temperatureson the cliff are normally moderate. It takesjust a few hours to descend the formation via itsEast Ledges.All materials ©Ousley Creative except topographic map on page 11 ©Supertopo, LLC. All photos by Mike and Moria Ousley except where noted.

week without bathing, hear the decay of confidence in hisvoice as he announces intimidation, or feel the tension ofthe “silent bivouac” after mounted stress reaches flash point.By the summit pitch, niceties have long since been stripped,and the raw spectrumof persona showsunchecked. If you really* PITCH 3 want to know a person,do a wall with him.The classic, partneredclimbing scenariodemands teamwork andcompromise—two thingsI’ve skirted for a majorportion of my big wallcareer because I climbedsolo. But I was ready fora new experience as I, ineffect, told the marriageoffice clerk at the OldSanta Ana Courthouse intwo simple words.I, er, we doWeasel Pup and I felt,from our exploratorybeginning, that weshould be togetherexclusively andpermanently. It was thepheromone match, shetold me, the undeniablebiology of the matingprocess. Pheromonesnotwithstanding, sheNo rush, just two thousand five hundredwas a rockjock, snowboarderand purveyor offeet to the rimgroveling in sublime,natural settings. And she was stoked to charge the Captain,though her big wall experience was minimal. That we werecompatible seemed an understatement to us, as we feltmore like halves of the same person. We knew that,eventually, we’d rope up on the Big Stone—the only questionwas when.GUILTY PARTIESMike Nassiry OusleyAge: 41Height: 5' 11"Weight: 160Climbing: Since hexcentric chocks werestate-of-the-artDecadence picks: Del Taco, smoothies,cereal, dissolving into ambienceMoria Nassiry OusleyAge: 35Height: 5' 3"Weight: 110Climbing: Since 1998Shoe size: 9.5 US women’sAccolades (partial list): Reached the USvia Pakistan and Australia, mastered athird language (English), multi-tasksgleefully, demonstrates kindness to alllife formsDirtChums: Since 2000Dating: Since July, 2001Married: October, 2001* A pitch is the section of rock between anchoring stations. The length of most El Cap pitches is 80–160 feet.

1Family styleThe Muir Wall was the perfect routeselection. It qualifies as historic andclassic, ascended in 1965 as the firstnew El Cap route completed by a twopersonteam using ground-up tacticsin lieu of siege style. Long, circuitous,and not particularly difficult (in relativeterms), this line up the southwest facewas also reputed to draw light trafficcompared to other routes. Weenvisioned complete solitude in themassive upper dihedrals I had gazedlongingly at for somany years.With my wifebeing a relativenewcomer to theshenanigansnecessary forsuccess on El Cap,we decided I wouldlead the entireclimb. Since, as ateam, we wereneither ultraproficientnor swift,3we piled on a fewmore days’ rationsto our mini-mountainaccumulating at theHOW THE ROPES GET UP THEREbase of the formation.We made thedeliberate decision to 1 The leader ascends trailing the lead ropemove slowly. (This behind him. This lead rope is clipped throughwas virtually ourlinks (carabiners) attached to the wall athoneymoon after all,various protection points. Theoretically, a leaderand we thought itsenseless to pursue fall will be held and minimized by a protectionminimizing itspoint below him.duration.) We nixedestablishing a high2 The follower cleans the gear left in placepoint on the wallbefore launching for by the leader. On most big wall climbs, thethe summit, which leader and follower ascend by different means.The leader used hands, feet, and hardwaredirectly contacting the rock for upwardprogress. Once the leader reaches a suitable2PITCH 6anchoring location, the lead rope is tied inplace (fixed) for the follower, who ascends itusing clamp-like devices called ascenders. Thistechnique puts the follower completely on hisown, and frees the leader to haul provisions.3 Where a route traverses horizontally, it’susually more efficient for the follower to ascendusing the gear left in place by the leader. Thefollower climbs successive pieces, to which heattaches himself with nylon slings. Each piece iscleaned by the follower after he unweights andmoves past it. Sometimes a piece will be left inplace for the follower to lower out from—like amini-rappel. These fixed lower-out points oftenpre-exist, and are sometimes weathered and ofdubious quality.

LITTLE GIANTSwas a purely aestheticdecision—and theantithesis of a speedysummit push. Ourquestionable style ledto us bring probablyhalf-again moresupplies than wewould have otherwise,but we were convictedto a pleasure-cruiseitinerary. The low angleof the lower two-thirds of the cliff would render less-thanidealhauling, but since I was to lead every pitch, I (not mypetite wifey) would also do the grunt work.By the time our load carrying sessions were complete,we had amassed some 30-plus gallons of water (plusminusone gallon per person per day, times plus-minustwo pitches per day, times 33 pitches of climbing) andAn amazing panorama bespectacles the El Capclimber. Across El Capitan Meadow clusterseveral formations worthy of the many climbingroutes that ascend them.1 Lower Cathedral Spire2 Higher Cathedral Spire3 Higher Cathedral Rock4 Middle Cathedral Rock5 Lower Cathedral Rock6 Leaning TowerAt about point-seven miles, the narrowest spanof the Valley’s floor lies between the toe ofMiddle Cathedral Rock and the toe of El Capitan.123465Toe ofMiddle CathedralRockLess than a mile tothe toe of El Capitan

PITCH 6WEATHER OR NOTIn June south-facing El Capcan be a vertical desert. Orsnow can fall. On this ascent,temperatures remainedmoderate for 17 straightdays. We wore mid-weightlong sleeve synthetic topsduring activity in the sun andkept lightweight windblockinggarments at closehand for less active, shadierand windier conditions.Shorts with long syntheticunderwear or lightweightsynth pants completed ourdaytime haute couture.

PITCH 14KICKIN’ ITA rigid seat (belay seat, bosun’s chair, boogieboard) to relax on is a luxury, especially for thefollower, who may be inactive for hours at a timewhile the leader ascends. After a rope length isclimbed by the leader, the follower surrendersthe seat and clips it onto the haul bag so theleader can use it after hauling and organizing.enough food to sustain us for, probably, a month. Threejumbo haul bags swallowed most of our stuff; a coupleof the bags trailed bulky items durable enough to survivethe 2000-foot scrape to the steep, upper third of the wall.Slower traffic keep righteousIt should be noted that a large portion of the big wallclimbing community would consider our style of ascenteither questionable or stupid. Why would we needlesslyspend two-plusweeks on thismoderate route? WhyPITCH 28 would we not fix ahigh point in advance,thus save untoldhauling effort? Whywould we deliberatelyshun the stand-bymountaineeringadage “speed issafety”? What gallthis pedestrian teamwould have toBODY ARMORSturdy boots, knee pads and work gloves aretypical attire for all but the most graceful ormasochistic wall climber. These specialized bootssport a steel shank that enables reasonablycomfortable all-day standing in slings. The poorlyconstructed toe rands, however, disintegrated inonly several days’ climbing.

potentially inhibit the ascentprogress of famous, eliteathletes gunning for the MuirWall in much “better” style.It should be noted thatwe don’t give credence totrends in wall climbing orhow anyone thinks weshould climb. We want to beleft to our pitiful devices. Thefreedom to mess up—evenfatally—is profound liberationthat’s increasingly rare in ourdrum-tight society. Beyond adecent topo with pitch lengthsand general hardware data,you can save your oppressive“beta” and “helpful” suggestionsfor some hopeless clodwho can’t solve problems.The function of unsolicited“beta” in most cases is toinflate the ego of the betablower. Again, save it. We wantthe chance to fuck it up onour own.Yes, managing threeplugged pigs is considerablework on slabby ground. Butas long as they don’t weighover 140 pounds each andthere’s a second climber tobust the suckers loose whenthey get stuck—bring ’em on.Eight-millimeter haul ropesproved a great way to keepthe overall payload and effortin check. Modern haulingExposure on the Muir Wall isgenerally not extreme, but afew locations on the routerender an airy sense—andunderscore the sheer size ofthe Big Stone.PITCH 25

pulleys are a greatvalue as well.Creative riggingand persistent useof münter muleknots were instrumentalin keepingour belays efficientand near tidy. Butto the lesser-trainedeye—and to us attimes—it seemedwe bordered lossof control.So, there we plodded our way up a maze of left-trendingoverlaps en route to Heart Ledge, the first location we’d beable to stand on something horizontal besides ourportaledge. As we methodically crawled up successivepitches, the vision of my Golden Era heroes picking theirway through the virgin swells of granite refused to vacatemy mind. I groped for solace in the fact that we had threetimes the food and water they did, about a thousandSLCDs, and pin scars and bolts to demarcate the route.Ours was a family affair—no place for necky antics. Wewere ascending in dangerously safe style.The two cordial chaps who passed us on MammothTerrace while ascending the Triple Direct (a route thatincludes several pitches of the Muir Wall) could only lamentin perplexity the labyrinthine rigging of our belay. “I think I’vegot it, Jason...c’mon up...this is the biggest cluster fuckI’ve ever seen...” Their passing allowed us another excuseto sit on our butts for a full morning, and once past, theyouthful travelers were beyond sight in a short day.Together, alone. Again. At last.Yea, what about those Yankees?Wall climbing with a platonic bro requires effort thatremains elusive until you’ve done it with little lovechunks.Physical contact with the non-intimate climbing partnereither takes energy to, or is impossible to avert. At timesyou’ll be forced to virtually climb your partner to get by him,usually having to straddle compromising portions of thesmelly ogre’s anatomy. In an epic situation, sure—I canput it out of mind and snuggle up with ol’ homeboy tomitigate some misery. Frikkin-a, did you catch that tripleplay against the Dodgers?PITCH 19VERTICAL GRINDSOur-favorites:Canned pasta including but not limited toevery variety of Chef Boyardee-Canned beans—frijoles, black, bakedCanned fruitTasty Bite Indian entree pouchesCanned tuna and chicken breastBagels with cream cheeseCheddar and mozzarella string cheeseDried fruit- GranolaCookiesTriscuits (not for nibblers)-Bars—breakfast, candy, energyWall climbing has a unique way of making thischallenging array of products magically delicious.PITCH 22

And the double portaledge...Those “shark fins” are flat integral tomaintaining machismo. With the babe,personal space is no longer an issue.Slumping together foot-to-foot in thesagging portaledge bed has a friendlyfeeling, and ultimately leaves more roomfor items close at hand. Turning fromside to side during sleep is an activitythat can be precisely coordinated tomaximize the spooning configuration.If you have an XS mate, you can simplyheft her where desired like a sack ofsleepy potatoes.The “Sweetie Pie”, manufactured byFunctional Design, is a boon for thebivouac-bound couple. This ingeniousproduct is essentially a wedge-shapedsection of a sleeping bag with zippers onits left and right edges. It zips intoalmost any regular sleeping bag to createa double-wide—perfect for the snugglingcouple. It saves the weight and bulk ofnearly an entire sleeping bag. Unless yourmate is a night thrasher, the Sweetie Pie isas de rigueur as the double portaledge.PITCH 24Living it way upOur division of labor created the idealsituation for this woulda-been soloist and hispatient other. I got to lead everything, andspare Little Muffin the labor of hauling. I didn’thave to rappel every pitch and deal with theGLORIOUSVISIONA perfectly split corner on impeccable Sierragranite; not one piece of fixed gear in its 100visible feet. On other routes established in the1960s, an unbelievable feature like this wouldlikely show scaring from years of hammeredgear use and be littered with hardware left inplace by previous ascent teams. The prospect ofan unexpected treat like this crack on pitch 24has afflicted many a climber with wanderlustand lost wages.

HOW WE SLEEP UP THERESoundly. A day of wall climbing is a greatinsomnia cure. Of course the climber’s harnessstays on all night, and he remains connected tothe anchor by a loose section of rope. Rolling outof the rigid portaledge would be more difficultthan rolling out of a hammock; gravity tends tokeep the occupant(s) in the center of the bed. Yes,sleepwalking would be a dangerous tendency upthere–as dozens of people have reminded me.HOW WE DON’ T BATHE UP THEREPre-moistened towelettes are the definitivehygiene solution. Bathing does happen on thewalls, but only by a select group of highlyadapted mutants—or a party that climbed muchfaster than expected.PITCH 26pitons I over-drove in fear. Weasel got torelax in the belay seat most of the daywhile I milked the leads. I got a cheerfulperson to converse with. She got agrouchy drill sergeant to gently remindher how to keep her technique in top form.We climbed no more than ten hoursper day—in June, when the light gracesthe Sierra for 17 hours a day. We typicallyset up the portaledge by 6pm, and didn’t shove off the nextmorning until nine or ten. We sat, flaccid and motionless forhours in the silent wake of that gigantic stone, blissfullyconjoined. We partied with the swallows, the bats,peregrine falcons, frogs, crows, hummingbirds, bees, andwe thanked them for having us. We gorged on hideouscanned pasta, Trader Joe’s products and the most expensivePowerAde in California, courtesy of the Village Store(damn the oso that punctured half our water bottles...). Wegawked at the evolving topography around us—massive,bizarre feature upon feature framing our vertical horizon,neighboring formations eventually submitting to our superiorposition. We ingested the intoxicating elixir of simpleexistence—life cleansed of earthly frivolity, duty and ofother human life. We answered only to the sun, the windAND OF COURSE, HOW WEPOO UP THEREIn earlier times, climbers “went” into paperbags which were chucked off the cliff andretrieved later. Increased wall traffic—andenvironmental awareness—has now mandatedpack-everything-out protocol. The generallyacceptedstandard today is to insert the usedpaper bags into a storage device constructedfrom plastic plumbing pipe.

and the circuitous weaknessushering us upward.By belay 26, fifteen daysout, we were in completethroes of the Zone. Our mindsand bodies had nudgedcloser to that of the consummatewall dweller, and asYvon Chouinard had saidabout the route’s first ascent,nothing was strange aboutour vertical world. We triednot to ponder the new lifeawaiting us on that aliensurface people called “the ground”, for we knew that thesinister plane would eventually lead to us footprints,blacktop, voicemail and social integration. On a belaystance the size of a short surfboard, I inventoried oursupplies and confirmed we had a surplus. We gouged onour brakes like a dog heading for the vet; it was time fora full day off.This is the end, my only friendI always get a sentimental feeling near the end of alengthy climb. After the stint of time I usually spend on abig one, the route seems like an old friend. And wholikes goodbyes? No matter how near the top I get, I wantjust one more bivouac. One more night to stir in my bed,seemingly at home, only to realize in a sudden rush thatthe ground is thousands of feet below me. One moremorning to awakenassured that my life, nowmy wife’s life too, will belived fully that day. Tosecure anothercomponent of what wecan happily look back on,in agreement that we didthe right thing.The East Ledgesdescent should be apretty good buddy of mineby now, too. Just for funI still get a tiny bit lostevery time (hey, go easywith those cairns, people).I wouldn’t have consideredsaddling my preciousWAY FINDINGAs expansive as the face of El Cap is, it’s notexactly wilderness. Published guide books havedocumented almost every El Cap climbing route.Over time, new routes are added and existingroutes evolve due to repetitive ascent traffic andnatural exfoliation—pieces of the formation falloff with notable regularly. Climbing guide bookauthors’ work is never truly complete, but workin-progress.As one might guess, producing anup-to-date, comprehensive guide book for a bigwall mecca like Yosemite is a formidableundertaking.HeartLedgesrappels100' 75.10or C14.5ropes togroundmany .6-3"5.10d or C15.13aor C2belay hereif using50m ropes68110'9100'5.11or C1110' 5120' 45.10aor C1many .6-3"many.6-3"1 and 2 linkwith 60m rope.4-1.5"10135' 3belay here if using50m ropes190' 115.8.6-2"Heart Ledges5.12b or C1+many .6-3"Magic Mushroom.5-2"5.12Rmany or C2.5-4.5"5.11b or C1many.5-3".6-3.5"5.11c or C15.9 or C15.9 or C11.6-2"MammothTerraces2155'bivy 4+Magic Mushroom5.12b or C1great ledge140' 13.5-3"C1 or 5.12bnuts1412 190'move haulbags hereGray LedgesOK bivy for 2.5-2"link 14 & 15w/ 60m rope135.8.5-1"good ledge100'C2 or 5.12+15 100'5.13 or C2C1 or 5.11c5.45.8 flareor C2++5.11d or C1TurningPointroute goes hammerlessat C2 until Pitch 235.10 squeezeor C1+C11' x 3'ledge160' 17belay takes.6-2"ho lowShieldcamhooks.5-4.5"p16 110'130' 23C122 165'many .6-2",especia ly 1"21 110'5.12 or C11-4.5"many.5-2".4-1.5"belaytakes .6-1"60' 185.9 or C1few .5- 1.5"5.13 var.130' 24A1 or C3C2 manysma l nutsA2 or C3 (1st crux)The Shaft(free var.)pendulum right toarrows and thin nutsbelay takes.75-2"The Shaft (free var.)70' 26120' 191' x 4' ledge5.11bor C1.5-3"thin nutsreachTriple Direct2' x 10' ledgeOK bivy for 2C4F or A2(2nd crux).4-2" The Shaftfrom belay move (free var.)left out bulge5.6.5-3"belay takes2-3.5".4-1.5"31 110'25 120'5.7friction/tensiontraverseC2shuttle gear,don't haulpPITCH 26A2 loosefind tree orsling rock hornfor last anchorC23rdC3+ or A2(3rd crux)80' 29few cams.4-.75"150' 2830many .5- 1.5",many nuts C2pC4 or A2' 3332 90'90'belaytakes .6-2.5"arrows, angles.5-1.5"belaytakes.5-1.5"belaytakes 1-4"leave bagsat and haulfrom rim30© SUPERTOPO.COMA Moby Dick,Center is thebetter start5.9+squeezeA5.9.75-3"110' 204.5" move5.10 orC1 move100' 275.10C1195.7many.5-2"

PITCH 23angel with one of thosestuffed pigs westashed on thesummit (nor would Iendure any avoidabletoil that day). We hiked the expensive stuffdown to the raps then stumbled our way pastManure Pile Buttress, having planned to retrievethe remaining payload via Tamarack Campgroundwhen we were damn ready.We completed the 18-mile round trip fromTamarack in an unhurried day. After ourextended vertical experience, the act of doingsomething—anything—without a harness on,beyond the grip of drop-that-and-it’s-gonethinking, was a vacation indeed. Never mind thegiant haul bag on my back; the abrasions itlovingly administers to my lower back, thecarnage it threatens on my meniscal cartilage,the sheer mass and weight that would just assoon expedite my return to our good earth.Back at the truck, there was suddenly andoddly nothing left for us to do. Our ascent wascomplete. Seventeen days on the wall, on a routethat has been climbed in nineteen-plus hours. I’dbe surprised to know the Muir Wall has beenclimbed in a greater length of time from theground up than we took. For all our hacking andslacking, I have to believe we set some kind ofrecord up there—personal bests (or worsts) aside.Wall Drug againBack in Orange County, a low flying FedEx jetcoursed through the air space perpendicular toour path on the southbound I-5. Somethingabout that jet triggered an overwhelming senseof disbelief in me. It seemed that every mechanicalPITCH 22

device in this human-crafted universe functioned nearlyperfectly against ominous odds. Hopeless complexityloomed everywhere. Dearkins and I agreed on this distinctweirdness and its defiance of accurate description. Chalk itup to a healthy dose of Wall Drug.Now, the people in their airtight land ships surroundingus seemed on an agenda of ludicrous worth. They appearedto completely lack autonomy, as if programmed for thepursuit of whiter teeth, a clean, fresh scent and the ultimatedriving machine. I knew these cyborgs hadn’t a thoughtabout atmospheric pressure systems or the relative locationof the star that warms Earth and enables them to live.Behind this confounding display of strangeness lay abackdrop of calm. Obscured as the backdrop becomes, italways displays its prismatic sanctuary to the patientobserver. And for the renegade—the castaway from all of our sillyamassment—lies an endlessdimension of the real reality.The vertical playground awaitsthe couple up for inter-personalintensity, for better or worse. Assomeone mused after our ascent,“so, you’re still together?”PLEASE SUPPORTAccess Fund accessfund.orgAmerican Alpine Club americanalpineclub.orgAmerican Safe Climbing Associationsafeclimbing.orgNational Park Service nps.govTHANKS TOAdventure 16, OC crewBlack Diamond EquipmentChris for the bedColorado Custom HardwareFalkenstein Photo and Blazing SpokesMussatto-Ousley national networkNassirys and Nasserys everywhereprAna, Matt the ManRockreation, Costa MesaSnuffy, Mister and MissesSupertopo, LLCTuolomne Store employeesYates GearYosemite Mountain Shop