The Rock 'N' Roll Diaries

Burt – 12th SeptemberI have to get with Bex soon or I’ll go sex mental.I have an iPhone picture of her in her P.E. kit thathelps. I bought a bunch of new clothes and asked her ona date but she just laughed and walked off again. I ranafter her and asked if she was winding me up? She toldme I couldn’t just put on a leather jacket and think Iwas rock’n’roll, I had to live it. So I told her I wasin a band. She told me I was only a 6/10 in the looksdepartment but if I really was in a band then I mightbe a 10/10. 6/10? That’s gotta be a wind up! Telling meI look like I’m in a boy band is one thing, but sayingI’m six out of ten is a proper cuss. The challengeremains, scoring a perfect ten on the Bex Fit-O-Meteris fundamental. Anyway – she has no idea how shit hot myband is gonna be.I asked this pleb called Egg to help me. He’s a rightginger twat but I had no choice. I need someone who canplay an instrument. It’s got proper drastic now. I’m onfull alert.It’s all kicking off next week. I’m holding auditionsand Egg is going to judge them with me. My old man tellsme every chance he gets I’m ‘style over substance’ andthat I’ve never done anything of value in my life. I’mfifteen. What the fuck does he expect? Being ‘cool asfuck’ is the only thing anyone gives a wank about. Itried to explain that to him but he just looked at meas if I wasn’t there. That he didn’t get my point makeshim a knobhead. I’ve got substance and I’m going to dosomething of value. So fuck you dad. How about you andMum start giving me parental advice when you’re actuallyin the country longer than five minutes.11