The Rock 'N' Roll Diaries

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Just before Tea we had Clipper. He was really nervous.As soon as he started bashing I was reminded of a JohnLennon quote. When he was asked if Ringo Star was thebest drummer in the world, he replied “He’s not even thebest drummer in the Beatles”.I’m a better drummer than Clipper but I can’t play allthe instruments in the band. Besides I’m pretty sure hewill learn fast and has enough natural rhythm. I toldBurt I think he should also be asked to join. Last yearClipper stuck up for me when George spammed me in thecanteen. I don’t think he even knew I was the same kid.I didn’t see the fight but I heard Clipper smashed him.Before eventually agreeing on Clipper and Tea, Burtspent ages trying to convince me that some of his mateswere good enough to play in the band. I wasn’t havingany of it. Brian Clough the legendary football manageronce said. “We talk about it for twenty minutes and thenwe decide I was right.” I don’t like football but I dolike good quotes.Burt asked me to choose some songs for us to get stuckinto at our first rehearsal. I tried to choose some thatare both easy and are classics. I deliberately steeredclear of modern songs:Led Zeppelin – Black Dog; Guns ‘n’ Roses – KnockingOn Heaven’s Door; The Who – My Generation; The Beatles– Get Back; Steppenwolf – Born To Be Wild; Free – AllRight Now; Jimi Hendrix –Voodoo Chile; Thin Lizzy – TheBoys Are Back In Town28
Last night I dreamt of Burt’s music room. It was a verystrange dream. Burt had a head the size of a cathedraland was standing up on the grand piano. Me, Clipper andTea were all sitting cross-legged on the floor looking upat him as he sang Rod Stewart’s Do You Think I’m Sexy.I awoke with one question on my mind. What exactly wouldBurt do in the band? Is it his intention to sing?Tea – 20th SeptemberThe idiot known as Burt from the year below me asked ifI wanted to join his poxy band today so I asked him afew relevant questions.1. How many gigs have you got booked?2. Where would we practise?3. How much do I get a week?4. Did he expect me to dress in those stupid jeans?5. What’s the band’s name?I forgot all the other answers because the band namewas so shit. The RockAteers? Who comes up with a namelike that? A right fucking tit is who! What a shitname. He begged me to join so I said yes. Why waste thetalent? Burt is just about the most confident bloke Ihave ever seen, and the girls he hangs about with areproper fit. I’ve decided I will skin it and bling ituntil I can’t be bothered no more and then I can justfuck off. Clipper the drummer and Egg the guitarist areodd choices. Basically the band consists of a plank, anarrogant ponce and a fat footballer.29
Page 2: THE ROCK ‘N’ ROLL DIARIESA MAD
Page 6 and 7: Now she has a long line of knobhead
Page 9 and 10: attention of nearly every notorious
Page 11 and 12: Burt - 12th SeptemberI have to get
Page 13 and 14: Tea sat up from his slumped positio
Page 15 and 16: oys as they changed. None of them w
Page 17 and 18: Song 2 - AuditionsEgg stood on the
Page 19 and 20: She smiled, her eyes fixed on him w
Page 21 and 22: The music room was on the third flo
Page 23 and 24: Burt frowned. “So, what if I did!
Page 25 and 26: Clipper sat behind the kit. He clos
Page 27: “It was the only thing my wanker
Page 31: Jamie Scallion grew up in South Eas

The Rock 'N' Roll Diaries

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