Also <strong>on</strong> this point, it is true that masculinityinvolves the idea that men protect women <strong>and</strong> children.I know this is terribly n<strong>on</strong>-“PC” <strong>and</strong>, to manypeople, passé. That does not change the truthfulnessof it, however. Nor does it change the fact thatmost women deeply appreciate this unless theyhave trained themselves not to.“Women <strong>and</strong> Children First”Although Hollywood perverted the story ofthe Titanic into class warfare <strong>and</strong> peepshow thrills,the real story of the doomed ocean-liner includesthe cry, “Women <strong>and</strong> children first,” as the men <strong>on</strong>board, with <strong>on</strong>ly few excepti<strong>on</strong>s, yielded their seats<strong>on</strong> lifeboats so that women <strong>and</strong> children could berescued. Men looked into the eyes of their wives<strong>and</strong> children to speak tender words of comfort <strong>and</strong>encouragement before sending them out to safetyknowing full well that they, the men, would die inthose waters <strong>and</strong> never see their loved <strong>on</strong>es again. Inthe end, nine men died for every <strong>on</strong>e woman whodied in that disaster. <str<strong>on</strong>g>The</str<strong>on</strong>g> then-current First Lady ofthe United States, Mrs. Taft, h<strong>on</strong>ored this spirit ofmanhood by mounting a nati<strong>on</strong>al campaign to raiseprivate funds for a m<strong>on</strong>ument that would carry theinscripti<strong>on</strong>: “To the brave men who gave their livesthat women <strong>and</strong> children might be saved.” Mrs.Taft explained, “I am grateful to do this in gratitudeto the chivalry of American manhood.” 3This spirit of “Women <strong>and</strong> children first” camefrom an earlier disaster, the sinking of the HMSBirkenhead:In 1852, the British troopship H.M.S.Birkenhead was traveling to South Africawhen she hit a ledge <strong>and</strong> foundered. Onboard were more than seven hundredmen, women, <strong>and</strong> children. With <strong>on</strong>lytwenty minutes left before she wouldsink, the decisi<strong>on</strong> was made to place allwomen <strong>and</strong> children aboard the few lifeboats. <str<strong>on</strong>g>The</str<strong>on</strong>g> men would remain behind<strong>and</strong> face the man-eating sharks circlingthe disaster. Hundreds of men drownedor were eaten alive in full view of theirchildren, but not a single woman or childperished that day. In past years, this storywas known by every schoolboy <strong>and</strong> girl. 4What does this kind of heroic sacrifice looklike right now in the day-to-day life of young menin college? We will likely not face situati<strong>on</strong>s likethe Titanic or the Birkenhead (though those menprobably did not anticipate facing these situati<strong>on</strong>seither). It is worthwhile c<strong>on</strong>sidering these gr<strong>and</strong>examples, though, because the big picture effectshow we act in the small things of life. Here aresome ways we can live this out. Guys, take therisk in relati<strong>on</strong>ships. You initiate <strong>and</strong> make theapproach. That way, she can be safe <strong>and</strong> does nothave to take the risk of stepping out first. Also ifshe feels the need to break it off, she is free to do soeven without explanati<strong>on</strong>. You take the brunt of it<strong>and</strong> let her go unscathed.In a small way, you could include here openingthe door for ladies, waiting for her to enter a doorfirst, walking <strong>on</strong> the traffic side of the street, placingyourself between her <strong>and</strong> any potential danger,etc.C<strong>on</strong>clusi<strong>on</strong>I’ll close with this story. Just this last weekendmy family <strong>and</strong> I had g<strong>on</strong>e to the mall (which Isometimes c<strong>on</strong>sider part of my sacrifice). We havesix children, two of whom are under two years old.As we left, in the cold, dark <strong>and</strong> drizzling rain, werealized we had two dirty diapers. So, as we told ourfour older children to file into the vehicle, my wife<strong>and</strong> I were side by side using the back of the vehicleas a diaper changing stati<strong>on</strong>. Instead of duelingbanjos we had dueling diapers, working quickly inthe cold <strong>and</strong> rain.I began to think, “Just <strong>on</strong>e week ago I was ata professi<strong>on</strong>al c<strong>on</strong>ference in San Diego. I was in anumber of settings with very important people. Iwas sitting next to a very well respected pastor whowas saying something appreciative about a paperI had just presented. I talked to several prominentpeople in my professi<strong>on</strong>al world. I was hobnobbing.I was talking about future writing projects <strong>and</strong> thelike. But now here I am in the dark, cold, drizzlyrain changing a diaper. This is where in the moviesthey say, ‘Well, you didn’t think you would end uphere, did you?’ When you were young everythingseemed great <strong>and</strong> you had big plans, but here youJBMW | Spring 2008 15
are bogged down with a wife <strong>and</strong> six kids.”But I thought, “No, that couldn’t be any furtherfrom the truth!” I was glad to get to go to thec<strong>on</strong>ference, but this is real life. <str<strong>on</strong>g>The</str<strong>on</strong>g> everyday laborwith my family is far more heartening <strong>and</strong> joyful tome than any of those other things. This will havefar more impact in God’s Kingdom. <str<strong>on</strong>g>The</str<strong>on</strong>g> everyday,inglorious work I do, the tasks of teaching, training,<strong>and</strong> changing diapers—that matters far more. Forthose of you who will marry, this is where you areheaded. <strong>Manhood</strong> is embracing everyday resp<strong>on</strong>sibilities,living out commitment, being willing tosacrifice, so that your cultural engagement reallyhappens in your family. <str<strong>on</strong>g>The</str<strong>on</strong>g> most significant cultureyou are involved in is your own home, yourown church, living out practical godliness . . . withdirt <strong>and</strong> other items under your fingernails, so tospeak. It is godliness in the everyday sphere of life.This is real manhood being lived out.ENDNOTES1This essay grew out of an address given for a “M<strong>on</strong>th of Man”event at Uni<strong>on</strong> University. Kudos to Uni<strong>on</strong> students, Neil Brown,Patrick Brown, Stephen Capps, <strong>and</strong> Blake Stannard who initiated<strong>and</strong> organized this event.2Elisabeth Elliot, <str<strong>on</strong>g>The</str<strong>on</strong>g> Mark of a Man (Gr<strong>and</strong> Rapids: Revell, 1981),160–61.3Douglas Phillips, “Titanic Chivalry,” World, 28 May 1998, 28–29.4From Visi<strong>on</strong>Forum.com. I commend to the reader Douglas Phillips’sexcellent book <strong>on</strong> this event, <str<strong>on</strong>g>The</str<strong>on</strong>g> Birkenhead Drill (SanAnt<strong>on</strong>io: Visi<strong>on</strong> Forum, 2002).16 JBMW | Spring 2008
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