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submission, paradoxically, is sometimes a strategyfor changing him.(4) Submission does not mean putting the will ofthe husband before the will of Christ. <strong>The</strong> text clearlyteaches that the wife is a follower of Jesus before andabove being a follower of her husband. Submissionto Jesus relativizes submission to husbands—andgovernments and employers and parents. WhenSarah called Abraham “lord” in verse 6, it was lordwith a lowercase l. It’s like “sir” or “m’lord.” Andthe obedience she rendered is qualified obediencebecause her supreme allegiance is to the Lord witha capital L.(5) Submission does not mean that a wife gets herpersonal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband.A good husband should indeed strengthenand build up and sustain his wife. He should be asource of strength. But what this text shows is thatwhen a husband’s spiritual leadership is lacking, aChristian wife is not bereft of strength. Submissiondoes not mean she is dependent on him to supplyher strength of faith and virtue and character. <strong>The</strong>text, in fact, assumes just the opposite. She is summonedto develop depth and strength and characternot from her husband but for her husband. Versefive says that her hope is in God in the hope thather husband will join her there.(6) Finally submission does not mean that awife is to act out of fear. Verse 6b says, “You are her[Sarah’s] children, if you do good and do not fearanything that is frightening.” In other words, submissionis free, not coerced by fear. <strong>The</strong> Christianwoman is a free woman. When she submits to herhusband—whether he is a believer or unbeliever—she does it in freedom, not out of fear.What Submission IsIf that’s what submission is not, then what is it?I suggested a couple of weeks ago from Ephesians5 what is true here as well: Submission is the divinecalling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’sleadership and help carry it through according toher gifts. It’s the disposition to follow a husband’sauthority and an inclination to yield to his leadership.It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you totake the initiative in our family. I am glad when youtake responsibility for things and lead with love. Idon’t flourish in the relationship when you are passiveand I have to make sure the family works.”But submission does not follow a husbandinto sin. What then does submission say in sucha situation? It says, “It grieves me when you ventureinto sinful acts and want to take me with you.You know I can’t do that. I have no desire to resistyou. On the contrary, I flourish most when I canrespond joyfully to your lead; but I can’t follow youinto sin, as much as I love to honor your leadershipin our marriage. Christ is my King.”<strong>The</strong> reason I say that submission is a dispositionand an inclination to follow a husband’s leadis because there will be times in a Christian marriagewhen the most submissive wife, with goodreason, will hesitate at a husband’s decision. It maylook unwise to her. Suppose it’s Noël and I. I amabout to decide something for the family that looksfoolish to her. At that moment, Noël could expressher submission like this: “Johnny, I know you’vethought a lot about this, and I love it when you takethe initiative to plan for us and take the responsibilitylike this, but I really don’t have peace aboutthis decision, and I think we need to talk about itsome more. Could we? Maybe tonight sometime?”<strong>The</strong> reason that is a kind of biblical submissionis (1) because husbands, unlike Christ, are fallibleand ought to admit it; (2) because husbandsought to want their wives to be excited about thefamily decisions, since Christ wants the church tobe excited about following his decisions and notjust follow begrudgingly; (3) because the way Noëlexpressed her misgivings communicated clearly thatshe endorses my leadership and affirms me in myrole as head; and (4) because she has made it clearto me from the beginning of our marriage that if,when we have done all the talking we should, westill disagree, she will defer to her husband’s decision.<strong>The</strong> Goal: Everlasting Holy JoySo I end with the reminder that marriage isnot mainly about staying in love. It’s about covenantkeeping. And the main reason it is about covenantkeeping is that God designed the relationshipJBMW | Spring 2008 51