painters, printmakers, photographers<strong>and</strong> new-mediaartists from all over theworld, including Turkey, Israel,Bolivia, South Korea,<strong>and</strong> New Zeal<strong>and</strong>. Duringmy first days at the VSC, Ithrew myself as much aspossible into an active engagementwith the otherresidents, relishing mealtimediscussions, daytimehikes, visits to the painters’<strong>and</strong> sculptors’ studios, <strong>and</strong>evening hangouts at “TheHub,” the pub across thestreet from the residency.I found that my job writingcopy for a media marketing company had leftme ravenous for conversations <strong>of</strong> the sort I washaving at the VSC, discussions with other artistsabout process, inspiration, frustration, failure,<strong>and</strong> the nuts-<strong>and</strong>-bolts realities <strong>of</strong> building<strong>and</strong> sustaining a life rooted in creative work.Soon the time had come for me to pull inwardfrom the expansiveness <strong>of</strong> the place <strong>and</strong> people,shutting the door <strong>of</strong> my studio behind me.As I embarked on my first full day <strong>of</strong> writing atthe VSC, Jui-Pin Chang’s Bucket Men paintingssurfaced in my imagination. I thought aboutthe dream she described, which had servedas the inspiration for the project. My thoughtsfloated back to that moment when she coveredher head with a bucket <strong>and</strong> felt an unexpectedrush <strong>of</strong> fearlessness <strong>and</strong> freedom.I had come to the VSC craving a breakthrough<strong>of</strong> some sort, a broadening <strong>of</strong> perspective thatcould extend <strong>and</strong> embolden my territory onthe page. I arrived feeling as if I’d entered atransitional phase as a poet, a period markedby both the excitement <strong>of</strong> not-yet-tapped possibilities<strong>and</strong> the discomfort <strong>of</strong> growing pains.One <strong>of</strong> my most native ways <strong>of</strong> working, up untilCaitlin Doyle at the Vermont Studio CenterPhotograph by Emilia Phillipsthen, centered on the goal <strong>of</strong> creating tensionbetween form <strong>and</strong> content by frequently writingwithin limitations (rhyme or meter, for example)or playing with self-imposed patterns within afree verse structure. I had found that composinginside <strong>of</strong> parameters that did not allow mefull expressive latitude led to surprising discoveriesin the writing process.But more <strong>and</strong> more, I felt eager to spend timeworking against the grain <strong>of</strong> my sensibilities,questioning my natural tendencies as a writer.The image I’d held in my mind, as a guideposton how to proceed, was one <strong>of</strong> tossing <strong>of</strong>f restriction,the opposite <strong>of</strong> Chang’s Bucket Mendream. Yet, as I sat in my VSC studio <strong>and</strong> readiedmyself to start writing, my mind kept returningto the way that her dream <strong>and</strong> the art itproduced held the push-<strong>and</strong>-pull between freedom<strong>and</strong> limitation in such a powerful relationship.As my time at the VSC unfolded, I found myselfreflecting on the same sphere <strong>of</strong> inquiryin life as in art. It was hard not to see the VSCresidents as living versions <strong>of</strong> the Bucket Menfigures. We were individuals who had chosen16 LITERARY MATTERS | VOLUME <strong>5.3</strong> | FaLL/WINTER 2012
to limit our purviews for a period <strong>of</strong> time, tocover our heads, in a sense, from the outsideworld, directing our focus as much as possibletoward the universe within our minds <strong>and</strong>studio walls. Each <strong>of</strong> us had come to the VSCon the premise that, in order to capture, explore,<strong>and</strong> enlarge the world through art, itis sometimes necessary to retreat from it, tohope that temporarily narrowing the range <strong>of</strong>one’s reality will result in a broadening <strong>of</strong> imaginativescope.Our self-imposed limitation was both complicated<strong>and</strong> enlivened by the freedoms beckoningus away from it. The sunny Northern Vermontsummer l<strong>and</strong>scape called from outside<strong>of</strong> the window, inviting us into the area’s rivers,waterfalls, <strong>and</strong> stunning hiking trails. Inthe evenings, the VSC hosted lectures, slideshows, <strong>and</strong> readings by visiting artists <strong>and</strong>writers, as well as opportunities for the residentsto share our work through open studiohours <strong>and</strong> readings. The VSC never lacked forsocial goings-on among the residents: movienights, bonfires, impromptu dance parties,ping-pong tournaments, day trips to surroundingareas, <strong>and</strong> karaoke nights at the “TheHub.”I’m certain that I’m not the only resident whostruggled on a daily basis to hold the most effectivebalance between focused solitude <strong>and</strong>involvement with the compelling activities<strong>and</strong> people beyond the studio door. On occasion,my work suffered because I welcomedtoo much distraction. At other times, my writingstagnated because I holed up in the studio<strong>and</strong> tried to force progress instead <strong>of</strong> listeningto the voices urging me away from mynotebook.But when I managed to get the balance right,my poetry took <strong>of</strong>f in ways that it only couldhave done within the buzzing atmosphere <strong>of</strong>the VSC. There are events that I absolutelydon’t regret missing because having the luxuryto choose poetry over other obligations ledme to creative breakthroughs. Likewise, thereare hours <strong>of</strong> productivity that I don’t lamentlosing because the experience that drew meout <strong>of</strong> the studio ultimately fed my processmore than if I’d stayed in my chair.Ab<strong>and</strong>oning my desk to go to readings by GalwayKinnell in nearby St. Johnsbury <strong>and</strong> KathleenGraber at the Vermont College <strong>of</strong> FineArts charged up my pen for days. Attendingvisiting artist Odili Donald Odita’s presentationextended my questions about freedom<strong>and</strong> limitation in art. Back in my studio, I keptreturning to something he said, which I’dscribbled in my notebook: “Color in itself hasthe possibility <strong>of</strong> mirroring the complexity <strong>of</strong>the world as much as it has the potential forbeing distinct.”Odita’s statement about color seemed to pertainto words as well, spurring me to reflect onlanguage’s potential to mirror the world whileremaining distinct from it at the same time. Insome sense, the desire with which I’d arrivedat the residency, the urge to loosen my pengrip<strong>and</strong> eschew limitation in favor <strong>of</strong> a freerprocess <strong>and</strong> product, came from a belief thatdoing so would allow me to engage a largeramount <strong>of</strong> the world’s complexity <strong>and</strong> messiness.Yet the more I labored in my studio tryingto achieve that effect, the more my imaginativeenergies dwindled. I was producing workthat gestured toward mirroring the world’ssprawling complications but, in the absence<strong>of</strong> restraints pressuring that sprawl, it failedto contain any sort <strong>of</strong> distinction. My languagehad scope but it contained no “color,” as Oditahad defined the term; it lacked the ability toboth reflect the world’s complexity <strong>and</strong> existas a distinct <strong>and</strong> distinguished entity beyondthe world.I took a break from a frustrating morning <strong>of</strong>LITERARY MATTERS | VOLUME <strong>5.3</strong> | Fall/winter 2012 17