MOTHERS’ GROUP PROGRAM Michele Paddon Program Developer/Manual Author

The Community Group Program for
Children Exposed to Woman Abuse
MOTHERS’ GROUP PROGRAM
Overview of the
Weekly Group Sessions
Michele Paddon
Program Developer/Manual Author

SESSION # 1
MOTHER’S GROUP
Making Connections
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Getting To Know You

WEEK 1 – MAKING CONNECTIONS
OBJECTIVE:
TRUSTBUILDING
• Decrease isolation, alleviate anxiety, and provide
an overall introduction to the group

STRATEGIES:
Clarify women’s expectations for the group – gain commitment
FLIPCHART #1 FROM GROUP:
“Why Are We Here?
Goals For Myself, Goals For My Children”
Clarify role of facilitator in keeping group on track – validate
importance of women’s diverse needs
Begin Community Resource List
Develop Group Rights and Responsibilities
Bridge Gaps & Build Connections – “Paper People”

MOTHER’S S GROUP
RIGHTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES
• CONFIDENTIALITY
• RESPECT
• PARTICIPATION
• TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF
• BEING ON TIME

Getting To Know You…
• How many children – names, ages?
• Do you work outside of the home?
• How long have you been out of the abusive
situation?
• Where are you from originally?
• Favourite things – colour, food, movie
• Do you have pets?
• If granted 3 wishes, what would you wish for?
• Do you have a nickname?

SESSION # 2
MOTHER’S
GROUP
• Breaking the
Silence
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Breaking The Secret
About My Mom’s
Abuse

WEEK 2 – BREAKING THE SILENCE
OBJECTIVE:
SPEAKING OUT ABOUT
ABUSE
• To reduce feelings of isolation by providing
the opportunity for women to begin sharing
stories and experiences of abuse

STRATEGIES:
1) Provide safe opportunities for women to “break the silence” and
talk about the issue of woman abuse from a theoretical point of
view
Broadly identify abuse in 3 areas same process as children’s
group: Physical, Emotional, Sexual
Create a definition for woman abuse – “What Is Woman Abuse?”
2) Support women in beginning to talk about their own personal
experiences of abuse
Emphasize “breaking the silence” as linked to healing / resolution
of trauma
Identify the positive impact for children when mothers begin
“speaking out” . . .
for many children, permission to break the “family secret”

SESSION # 3
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
The Importance Of
Honouring Our
Many Feelings
How Children Feel
About Abuse That
Happens In
Families

WEEK 3 – THE IMPORTANCE OF ALL
FEELINGS – UNDERSTANDING
THE MESSAGES
OBJECTIVE:
UNDERSTANDING AND
VALUING ALL FEELINGS
• To reinforce the importance of women and
children being able to identify, understand,
and accept all feelings as being valuable -
even the most difficult ones . . .

STRATEGIES:
Provide opportunity for mothers to explore their feelings about
children being exposed to the abuse
INTERACTIVE SAMPLE EXERCISE:
“How I Feel About My Children Being Exposed To
Abuse …”
Support mothers in recognizing how “ice-berging” the difficult
feelings may create a barrier to healing
Identify feelings as an empowering self-awareness tool
Reinforce how children’s ability to experience and express their
own feelings as contingent on mother’s modeling

SESSION # 4
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
The Impact Of
Being Exposed To
Woman Abuse –
Understanding
Our Children’s
Experiences
“What About Us?”
How Children Feel
About Abuse That
Happens In
Families

WEEK 4 – THE IMPACT OF BEING
EXPOSED TO WOMAN ABUSE –
UNDERSTANDING OUR CHILDREN’S
EXPERIENCES
OBJECTIVE:
REFLECT ON CHILDREN’S
EXPERIENCES OF BEING
EXPOSED TO ABUSE
• For mothers to begin thinking broadly about the
experience and impact of being exposed to
woman abuse on children
• To begin reflecting upon the experiences of their
own children

STRATEGIES:
Plan for “Emotional Self-Care” as women face difficult
feelings evolving from this session
Both children and mothers watch a video during this
session – Video: What About Us?
Safe opportunity for women to think through the eyes of
children – objective through use of video
Support women in beginning to reflect upon and
talking about their own children’s experiences –
Small-Group or Individual Exercise Utilizing
“Iceberg” Analogy – “Through The Eyes Of My
Child”

(TRANSCRIBED FLIPCHART)
WHILE SUPPORTING YOUR CHILDREN IN HEALING
REMEMBER …
YOU are not to blame for your children being
exposed to abuse
The abuser is responsible for choosing to use abuse to gain power
and control over you ~ AND for exposing the children to this
YOU made the best and safest choices for your children
then, and are continuing to do so now…
YOU are keeping your children safe.

SESSION # 5
MOTHER’S GROUP
Personal Safety
Planning for
Women and
Children
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Staying Safe When
Abuse Happens –
My Personal Safety
Plan

WEEK 5 – PERSONAL SAFETY PLANNING
FOR WOMEN AND CHILDREN
OBJECTIVE:
TO PROVIDE INFORMATION
ABOUT PERSONAL SAFETY
PLANNING FOR MOTHERS AND
THEIR CHILDREN
• Providing proactive measures towards staying
safe in the case of experiencing or being exposed
to future abuse.

STRATEGIES:
Discuss differences in children’s safety needs as related to
risk and protective factors
Mothers supported in identifying and feeling empowered in
addressing children’s safety needs –
INTERACTIVE SAMPLE EXERCISE:
“Responding to the Physical and Emotional Safety
Needs Of My Children”
Emphasize link between mothers’ and children’s safety
Provide safety planning outlines – Shelternet Version

SESSION # 6
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Moving Beyond
Misdirected Blame
– Understanding
Responsibility For
Abuse
Whose Fault Is It
Anyway?
Understanding
Responsibility For
Abuse

WEEK 6 – MOVING BEYOND MISDIRECTED
BLAME – UNDERSTANDING RESPONSIBILITY
FOR ABUSE
OBJECTIVE: CLARIFICATION OF
RESPONSIBILITY FOR
ABUSE
• Examine perceptions about responsibility
from both a mother’s and a child’s
perspective

STRATEGIES:
Discuss how issue of responsibility commonly is one of
the most challenging concepts for women to understand
and reconcile within themselves.
(i.e.) “in my head” versus “in my heart” feelings
Moving from adult-centred thinking to child-centred
thinking –
women rationalizing, misdirecting, internalizing blame for abuse
= barriers to moving forward and healing
HOWEVER for children may = coping
Focus on VALIDATION OF EXPERIENCES through a
variety of exercises –
“The Common Question”, “Why Do Women Stay?”,
“The Power and Control Wheel”

THE COMMON QUESTION . . .
• “Why did she stay?”
• “Why didn’t she leave for the
sake of the children?”
The underlying message?
THE UNCOMMON QUESTION . . .
• “Why did he abuse her?”
• “How could he hurt his
children by being so abusive to
their mother?”
The underlying message?
THE POINT?
Validation –
Helping women see how society imposes thinking that
makes it difficult to leave abusive situations - and that
leaving takes strength, courage, determination

Reasons Women “STAY” in Abusive
Relationships
• I didn’t know where to turn…
• No money to support my family…
• No one will believe me…
• I need to keep my family together…
• My children need a Dad…
• I feel embarrassed, ashamed, maybe this is as good as
it gets…
• Maybe he will change, things will get better…
• I can’t go against my religious beliefs…

THE POWER AND CONTROL WHEEL
• Abusers choose
specific strategies
• Abuse directed at a
specific person
• Abuse taking place at
specific times
• Not random acts, but
repeated behaviour
• Complex, powerful,
dangerous
• Women don’t “stay” –
they resist, comply
and SURVIVE

SESSION # 7
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Honouring and
Understanding
Anger:
How To Help
Children Express It
In Healthy Ways
Anger Is Important:
How to Understand
and Express It

WEEK 7 – HONOURING AND
UNDERSTANDING ANGER –
HOW TO HELP CHILDREN EXPRESS IT IN
HEALTHY WAYS
OBJECTIVE:
DIFFERENTIATE BETWEEN
ANGER & ABUSE
• To examine perceptions about anger from the
perspective of mothers and a children who have
experienced abuse
• To identify anger as a valid, powerful, and
appropriate emotion

STRATEGIES:
Discuss the origins of women’s perceptions and feelings
about anger – reclaiming anger as a healthy and mobilizing
emotion
Establish link between the experience of abuse, and
misconceptions about anger –
Group Activity:
“The Difference Between Anger and Abuse”
Support women in redefining anger in healthy ways
Explore ways mothers can support children in understanding
their experience of anger, and how to express it in healthy
ways –
“What Mothers Want Children To Think About Anger”

The powerful outcome of this exercise is that often in the midst of
engaging in it, you clearly see women suddenly shifting and
“getting it” . . .
women themselves quickly see how they interchange their
perceptions of anger and abuse
ANGER
• Hostility
• Fear
• Breaking things
• A fight
• Unpredictable
• Out of control
• Dangerous
ABUSE
• Hostility
• Fear Inducing
• Power Over
• Out of control
• Anxiety Provoking
• Damaging
• Dangerous

(TRANSCRIBED FLIPCHART)
What do we want children to
think about anger?
It is okay to feel anger
Anger is healthy and necessary
Anger can help us identify solutions to problems
A DEFINITION OF ANGER FOR OUR CHILDREN:
Anger is an expression of strong emotion
that relates to a problem that needs to be
solved…

SESSION # 8
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Understanding
Conflict –
Guiding Children
To Solve Problems
Helpful, Not
Hurtful Ways
Solving Problems In
Helpful, Not Hurtful
Ways

WEEK 8 – UNDERSTANDING CONFLICT
– GUIDING CHILDREN TO SOLVE
PROBLEMS IN HELPFUL,
NOT HURTFUL WAYS
OBJECTIVE:
POSITIVE
CONFLICT
RESOLUTION
• To explore how experiences of abuse have
shaped women’s and children’s attitudes
and beliefs about conflict in relationships
• To recognize conflict as a normal part of all
relationships

STRATEGIES:
Identify conflict as a natural part of relationships
- does not inevitably lead to abuse
- importance of conveying this message to children.
Provide mothers with a self assessment tool for reframing &
responding to conflict with children –
INTERACTIVE SAMPLE EXERCISE:
“Responding To Conflict – The Connection Between Thoughts,
Feelings, and Actions”
Discuss how a mothers can reframe conflict in a positive way
for children
- Differentiate between responding vs. reacting to conflict
problem-solving vs. abuse
- Provide a practical conflict resolution framework for use
with children –
“Children’s Problem-Solving Framework”

“When my child tries to solve problems
by using aggression . . .”
FEELINGS
FEELINGS . . .
• Confused
• Overwhelmed
• Angry
• Scared
• Powerless
• Discouraged
• Hurt
• Furious

“When my child tries to solve problems
by using aggression . . .”
THOUGHTS
THOUGHTS . . .
“My child is going to be an abuser!”
“This is just like my abusive
relationship – I won’t put up
with it!”
“I should have left sooner – now look
what I’ve done . . .”
“How can she act this way - she
knows we left to get away from
this!”

“When my child tries to solve problems
by using aggression . . .”
ACTIONS . . .
• I would physically intervene
• I would yell for her to stop
• I would do nothing, it’s my
fault anyway
ACTIONS
• I would be very upset and
emotional
• I would ask why he was
acting just like his father

PROBLEM-SOLVING
• STEP 1
• STEP 2
• STEP 3
• STEP 4
• STEP 5
What is the problem?
What are some solutions?
For each solution ask:
- How might people feel?
- Is it fair?
- Will it work?
Choose and use a solution
Is it working? If not – what now?

SESSION # 9
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Grieving The Losses
– Celebrating
Choices and
Change!
Dealing With Family
Changes

WEEK 9 – GRIEVING THE LOSSES –
CELEBRATING CHOICES AND CHANGE!
OBJECTIVE: Validate importance of the
grieving process
To validate the difficulties and barriers women and
children face related to change and loss after
leaving abusive situations

STRATEGIES:
Validate the need to grieve losses and changes after
leaving an abusive situation
- Discuss the barriers to grieving the losses –
personal & societal
Promote balance through identifying BOTH losses and
gains experienced by children and their mothers –
Exercise: “What We Have Lost/What Has Changed –
What We Have Gained/ How Things Are Better”
Support mothers in understanding and responding to
children’s challenging behaviours related to loss and change

LOSSES AND GAINS
LOSSES/CHANGES
• Husband / Partner / DAD
• My Stuff – Kids’ Toys
• Relatives
• My Job
• Our home – had to move
• Kids had to change schools
• Lost friends
• Pets
• Money
• The “dream”
GAINS/HOW THINGS
ARE BETTER
• Freedom
• My family feels safer
• Self esteem up for all
• My children more secure –
believe I can take care of
myself and them
• I can live without constant
fear
• New friends
• NEW DREAMS!

SESSION # 10
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Staying Connected:
How and Where to Get
What I Need from
Community
Resources
Staying Safe From
All Kinds of Abuse:
Sexual Abuse
Prevention
Or
Acquaintance Abuse
Prevention Strategies

WEEK 10 – STAYING CONNECTED –
HOW AND WHERE TO GET WHAT I
NEED FROM COMMUNITY RESOURCES
OBJECTIVE:
Decrease isolation through
increasing women’s awareness
of how to develop a support
network and access
community resources

STRATEGIES:
Reinforce of avoiding isolation as KEY to staying safe
from future abuse
Create a concrete support link through introduction to
women’s advocates in the community –
Guest Speaker for the group session
Provide information about resources in the community
for mothers and children –
Provide copies of women’s own community
resource list
Discuss the concept of a developing a personal support
network as link to avoiding isolation –
INTERACTIVE SAMPLE EXERCISE:
“My Support Tree”

SESSION # 11
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
The Importance Of
Self Care While
Mothers and their
Children Heal From
The Impact Of
Abuse
All The Wonderful
Things About Me!

WEEK 11 – THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF
CARE WHILE MOMS AND KIDS HEAL
FROM THE IMPACT OF ABUSE
OBJECTIVE:
Support women in defining and
understanding the importance
of self-care

STRATEGIES:
Discuss the importance of self-care in relation to ongoing
healing from the impact of abuse
- Identify and validate the barriers to self-care while in an
abusive relationship
- Identify how practicing healthy self-care has a positive impact
on children
Discuss women’s ideas about self-care and strategies for
overcoming the barriers – Exercises:
“Self Care – What I’d Like To Do & Why I Don’t – How To Make
It Happen”
“Checking my Basic Needs” – Self Care Checklist / Inventory
Discuss the importance of balance through a holistic approach
to self-care – Exercise:
Physical, Emotional, and Spiritual Self Care

Balancing Physical, Emotional, and
Spiritual Self Care
Physical
• Physical – taking care of
one’s body
Spiritual
Emotional
• Emotional – taking care
of one’s feelings,
emotional well-being
• Spiritual – taking care of
one’s spirit, having hope
for the future, feeling
positive about personal
choices, peace of mind

SESSION # 12
MOTHER’S GROUP
CHILDREN’S GROUP
Celebrating How Far
We’ve Come –
Moving Onward
Celebrating Our Time
Together - Saying
“Good Bye”

WEEK 12 – CELEBRATING HOW FAR
WE’VE COME – MOVING ONWARD
OBJECTIVE:
Support women in
celebrating their
time together, and
saying goodbye.

STRATEGIES:
Support women in feeling validated about the
importance of celebrating their time together, and
having a sense of closure to the group.
Celebration personalized by women & supported by
group facilitators
Facilitators to lead symbolic closure activities such as :
o “Affirmations / Celebrating Women’s Strengths”
Collage”
o “Taking Back My Life” Exercise
o “Recognition Ceremony”

TAKING BACK MY LIFE!
To Do List
To Avoid List
• Stay Connected With
Other Women
• Go to another group
• Take care of myself
every day
• Get out of the house
• Recognize the “red
flags” of abuse
• Remember how far
I’ve come!
• Abusers!
• Getting isolated
• Unsupportive people
• “Should-ing” on
myself
• The bar scene, or
other “danger” places

Michele Paddon
Program Developer / Manual Author
Michele Paddon
c/o Changing Ways:
825 Bradley Avenue
London, Ontario
Canada
N6E 3C2
(519)438-9869 x224
michelep@changingways.on.ca
www.changingways.on.ca