Hand Me Downs

CONTENTS 

Endorsements by Adam Hamilton, Matthew 

Hartsfield and Bishop James King 4 

Foreword by Rick Warren 6 

Introduction by Jim and Jennifer Cowart 8 

Using This Workbook (Read This First) 10 

Outline for Each Session 12 

SESSIONS 

Session One: LEAVING A LEGACY 16 

Session Two: MODELING HOLY HABITS 40 

Session Three: BREAKING BAD CYCLES 66 

Session Four: LIVING WITH INTEGRITY 88 

Session Five: PLAYING WELL WITH OTHERS 106 

Session Six: DOING GOD’S WILL 128 

Copyright 2015 by Jim and Jen Cowart. 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

Published by Byron Printing, Byron, Georgia 

Copyright and use of the curriculum template is retained by Brett Eastman. 

Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture quotes are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, 

NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 and 2011 by 

Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. 

ISBN 

Printed in the United States of America 

APPENDICES 150 

Frequently Asked Questions 152 

Small Group Agreement 156 

Small Group Calendar 158 

Spiritual Partners 159 

Small Group Roster 160 

Memory Verse Cards (Clip and Review) 161 

Prayer and Praise Report 163 

SMALL GROUP LEADERS 164 

Hosting an Open House 165 

Leading for the First Time 166 

Leadership Training 101 168 

About the Authors 174 

Worship Song Lyrics 176

ENDORSEMENTS 

Adam Hamilton 

Sr. Pastor, United 

Methodist Church 

of The Resurrection, 

Leawood, Kansas 

“Jim and Jennifer are remarkable people whose love for 

Christ is evident to all who know them. Their ministry has 

touched tens of thousands of people. Their new study, Hand- 

Me-Downs, is focused on helping Christians to experience 

a deeper faith and to pass it on to future generations. As 

a parent and now a grandparent, leaving my children and 

granddaughter a legacy of faith is the one goal that matters 

most to me. Hand-Me-Downs is an important resource in 

helping to fulfill this goal.” 

Matthew Hartsfield 

Lead Pastor, Van Dyke 

United MEthodist Church 

Lutz, Florida 

“Jim and Jennifer Cowart are warm and engaging 

communicators who bring the Bible to life. I’m so excited 

they and their team have produced Hand-Me-Downs. 

This is a positive and practical experience which helps 

people enter into thoughtful reflection, leading to a healthy 

atmosphere for action and life change. Jim and Jennifer 

are the real deal. Their powerful teaching and ministry 

leadership are a sincere expression of their authentic 

relationship with Jesus Christ. Throughout our years of 

friendship, I have personally benefited from their natural 

hand-me-downs of love, grace and faithfulness.” 

James King 

Bishop of the South 

Georgia Conference of the 

United Methodist Church 

“Want to get better? Hand-Me-Downs has been created 

by Jim and Jennifer Cowart to help you grow in your faith 

through a small group experience as you live into the 

fullness of God’s plan for your life. This is a fresh new way to 

get small groups together to easily focus on the word of God 

and discuss with others how the teaching session connects 

with where you are and how you can continue grow as you 

seek to grow closer God through Jesus Christ.” 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS 

endorsements 

5

FOREWORD 

by rick warren 

Jim and Jen Cowart 

planted this church about 14 

years ago and I have watched 

this church every year grow 

stronger, grow deeper, grow 

healthier, grow larger, and 

grow more visionary year 

after year after year. In fact, 

this church has the honor 

of being one of Saddleback’s 

Church Health Award winners! 

We are pretty picky about the churches that we honor 

because they have to be balanced in worship, in fellowship, in 

discipleship, in ministry, and in evangelism. They are doing 

the purposes of God through the processes that balance all 

of these things. They have the strategy and the structure that 

allow them to grow year after year after year. I have asked Jim 

and Jen to really help the churches, particularly on the East 

Coast, who really want to be more purpose driven. What 

does it mean to be purpose driven? We believe, and the Bible 

teaches in Acts 2, and John 17, and in Ephesians 4 and 

other places, that God wants your church to be built around 

God’s eternal purposes. There are 5 of those purposes. Not 

4, not 6, not 7. They are modeled by the church in Acts 2, 

they are prayed for by Jesus in John 17, they are explained 

by Paul in Ephesians 4, but they are best seen in the Great 

Commandment and the Great Commission. We believe that 

a great commitment to the Great Commandment and the 

Great Commission will grow a great church. This is no theory, 

friend, this works. We’ve seen it work in rural areas, urban 

areas, and suburban areas, and regardless of the size or the 

denomination of your church, you can be built around the 

purposes of God. 

“You know, one 

of my favorite 

churches in all 

of America is 

Harvest Church in 

Byron, Georgia. 

—Rick Warren 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS 

foreword 

7

Welcome to Hand-Me-Downs! 

When you hear the term hand-me-downs, you may 

think of worn-out shoes passed down by your sister, 

or your brother’s old broken down bike that you were 

given as a kid. That is one form of hand-me-downs, 

but in this study we’re going to focus on a much more 

important kind—the hand-me-downs of faith. 

During the next six weeks you’ll have the chance to 

reflect on the faith heritage you’ve received, whether 

good or bad, and then determine the legacy you want 

to leave for others. You will also have opportunities to 

share your own ideas and experiences, watch a short 

video teaching on that week’s theme, discuss scriptures 

and determine how you will apply what God is 

teaching you. As a special bonus, we hope that you 

will be building friendships with those in your group. 

INTRODUCTION 

WELCOME TO OUR NEW STUDY! 

At the end of each chapter, you will find Daily Devotions 

with space for you to create your own plan of 

action in how you will apply what you’re learning. We 

hope that you will take the time to slow down over 

this six weeks and allow God to speak to you about the 

legacy you are creating. By participating in this study, 

you will be learning with a large group in church, a 

small group in a living room, and alone during your 

daily quiet time. 

We’re excited about what God has in store for you and 

your group over the next few weeks, and we’re praying 

that you will experience God in a fresh new way as a 

result of this study. 

Blessings, 

Jim and Jen 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS 

introduction 

9

USING THIS 

WORKBOOK 

TOOLS TO HELP YOU HAVE A GREAT 

SMALL GROUP EXPERIENCE! 

Pray before each session—for your group 

members, for your time together, and for 

wisdom and insights. 

1. Notice in the Table of Contents there are three 

sections: (1) Sessions; (2) Appendices; and (3) 

Small Group Leaders. Familiarize yourself with 

the Appendices. Some of them will be used in the 

sessions themselves. 

2. If you are facilitating/leading or co-leading a 

small group, the section Small Group Leaders 

will give you some hard-learned experiences 

of others that will encourage you and help you 

avoid many common obstacles to effective small 

group leadership. 

3. Use this workbook as a guide, not a straightjacket. 

If the group responds to the lesson in an 

unexpected but honest way, go with that. If you 

think of a better question than the next one in 

the lesson, ask it. Take to heart the insights included 

in the Frequently Asked Questions pages 

and the Small Group Leaders section. 

4. Enjoy your small group experience. 

5. Read the Outline of each Session on the next 

pages so that you understand how the sessions 

will flow. 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS 

using this workbook 

11

O U T L I N E 

OF 

E A C H 

SESSION 

A TYPICAL GROUP 

SESSION FOR THE 

HAND-ME-DOWNS 

STUDY WILL INCLUDE 

THE FOLLOWING 

SECTIONS. READ 

THROUGH THIS TO GET 

A CLEAR IDEA OF HOW 

EACH GROUP MEETING 

WILL BE STRUCTURED: 

who earn your trust. This section includes some 

simple questions to get you talking—letting you 

share as much or as little of your story as you feel 

comfortable doing. Each session typically offers 

you two options. You can get to know your whole 

group by using the icebreaker question(s), or you 

can check in with one or two group members, 

your spiritual partner(s), for a deeper connection 

and encouragement in your spiritual journey. 

WEEKLY MEMORY VERSE 

Each session opens with a Memory Verse that emphasizes an 

important truth from the session. This is an optional exercise, 

but we believe that memorizing Scripture can be a vital 

part of filling our minds with God’s will for our lives. We encourage 

you to give this important habit a try. The verses for 

our six sessions are also listed in the appendix. 

INTRODUCTION 

Each lesson opens with a brief thought that will help you prepare 

for the session and get you thinking about the particular 

subject you will explore with your group. Make it a practice 

to read these before the session. You may want to have the 

group read them aloud. 

SHARE YOUR STORY 

The foundation for spiritual growth is an intimate connection 

with God and His family. You build that connection by sharing 

your story with a few people who really know you and 

HEAR GOD’S STORY 

In this section, you’ll read the Bible and listen to 

teaching, in order to hear God’s story—and begin 

to see how His story aligns with yours. When the 

study directs you to, you’ll pop in the DVD and 

watch a short teaching segment. You’ll then have 

an opportunity to read a passage of Scripture, and 

discuss both the teaching and the text. You won’t 

focus on accumulating information but on how 

you should live in light of the Word of God. We 

want to help you apply the insights from Scripture 

practically and creatively, from your heart as 

well as your head. At the end of the day, allowing 

the timeless truths from God’s Word to transform 

our lives in Christ should be your greatest aim. 

STUDY NOTES 

This brief section provides additional commentary, 

background or insights on the passage you’ll 

study in the Hear God’s Story section. 

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CREATE A NEW STORY 

God wants you to be a part of His Kingdom— 

to weave your story into His. That will mean 

change. It will require you to go His way rather 

than your own. This won’t happen overnight, 

but it should happen steadily. By making small, 

simple choices, we can begin to change our direction. 

This is where the Bible’s instructions 

to “be doers of the Word, not just hearers” 

(James 1:22) comes into play. Many people 

skip over this aspect of the Christian life because 

it’s scary, relationally awkward, or simply 

too much work for their busy schedules. 

But Jesus wanted all of His disciples to know 

Him personally, carry out His commands, and 

help outsiders connect with Him. This doesn’t 

necessarily mean preaching on street corners. 

It could mean welcoming newcomers, hosting 

a short-term group in your home, or walking 

through this study with a friend. In this study, 

you’ll have an opportunity to go beyond Bible 

study to biblical living. This section will also 

have a question or two that will challenge you 

to live out your faith by serving others, sharing 

your faith, and worshiping God. 

DIGGING DEEPER 

If you have time and want to dig deeper into 

more Bible passages about the topic at hand, 

we’ve provided additional passages and questions, 

which you can use either during the 

meeting, or as homework. Your group may 

choose to read and prepare before each meeting 

in order to cover more biblical material. Or, 

group members can use the additional study 

section during the week after the meeting. 

If you prefer not to do Study homework, this 

section will provide you with plenty to discuss 

within the group. These options allow individuals 

or the whole group to expand their study 

while still accommodating those who can’t do 

homework or are new to your group. 

DAILY 

DEVOTIONS 

Each week on the Daily 

Devotions pages, 

we provide scriptures 

to read and reflect on 

between sessions—a 

month’s worth of reflections 

to keep God’s 

word near your heart. 

By making 

small, simple 

choices, we 

can begin to 

change our 

direction. 

This provides you with a chance to slow down, 

read just a small portion of Scripture each day, 

and reflect and pray through it. You’ll then 

have a chance to journal your response to 

what you’ve read and list the Action Steps God 

leads you to take. Use this section to seek God 

on your own throughout the week. This time 

at home should begin and end with prayer. 

Don’t get in a hurry; take enough time to hear 

God’s direction. 

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There’s an old saying that “God doesn’t have any 

grandchildren.” In other words, each one of us must 

make a decision for ourselves about whether we will 

follow God and become His adopted son or daughter. 

Just because our parents, family members, or 

a friend is a Christian does not mean we are. Our 

relationship with God is not something we inherit 

from the generation before us—it’s our choice. 

“We will not hide these truths from our children 

but will tell the next generation about the glorious 

deeds of the Lord.” Psalm 78:4a (NLT) 

However, the people close to us do influence our 

lives and affect the way we think about our faith. 

God may not have grandchildren, but He often 

places grandparents, parents, and mentors in our 

lives who help us draw closer to Him. Perhaps you’re 

fortunate enough to have had some of these people 

who modeled what it meant to know Jesus. Or perhaps 

you’re a “first generation” Christian. Whether 

you come from a long line of believers or you’re the 

only one in your family, you belong to a spiritual 

family that needs your influence and example. Part 

of following Christ is leaving a legacy for others. Today 

we’ll learn more about what it means to “hand 

down” our faith. 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS 

leaving a legacy 

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SHARE 

Y O U R 

STORY 

Each of us has a story. The events of our life—good, bad, 

wonderful or challenging—have shaped who we are. God 

knows your story, and He intends to redeem it—to use every 

struggle and every joy to ultimately bring you to Himself. 

When we share our stories with others, we give them the opportunity 

to see God at work. 

When we share our stories, we also 

realize we are not alone—that we have 

common experiences and thoughts, 

and others can understand what we 

are going through. Your story can encourage 

someone else. Telling it can 

lead to a path of freedom for you and 

for those you share it with. 

Before you start this first meeting, 

get contact information for every 

participant. Take time to pass around 

a copy of the Small Group Roster on 

page 160, a sheet of paper, or one of 

you pass your Study Guide, opened 

Open your group 

with prayer. 

This should be 

a brief, simple 

prayer, in which 

you invite God to 

give you insight 

as you study. 

You can pray for 

specific requests 

at the end of the 

meeting, or stop 

momentarily 

to pray if a 

particular 

situation comes 

up during 

your discussion. 

to the Small Group Roster. Ask someone to make copies or 

type up a list with everyone’s information and email it to the 

group during the week. 

Begin your time together by using the following 

questions and activities to get people talking. 

• What brought you here? What do you hope to get out 

of this group? 

• Were you raised in a Christian home? What role did faith, 

or religion, play in how you grew up? 

• Whether your group is new or ongoing, it’s always important 

to reflect on and review your values together. 

On page 156 is a Small Group Agreement with the values 

we’ve found most useful in sustaining healthy, balanced 

groups. We recommend that you choose one or 

two values—ones you haven’t previously focused on or 

have room to grow in—to emphasize during this study. 

Choose ones that will take your group to the next stage of 

intimacy and spiritual health. 

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• We recommend you rotate host homes on a regular basis 

and let the hosts lead the meeting. Studies show that 

healthy groups rotate leadership. This helps to develop 

every member’s ability to shepherd a few people in a safe 

environment. Even Jesus gave others the opportunity to 

serve alongside Him (Mark 6:30-44). Look at the FAQs in 

the Appendicies for additional information about hosting 

or leading the group. 

• The Small Group Calendar on page 158 is a tool for planning 

who will host and lead each meeting. Take a few 

minutes to plan hosts and leaders for your remaining 

meetings. Don’t skip this important step! It will revolutionize 

your group. 

If your group is new, 

welcome newcomers. 

Introduce everyone— 

you may even want to 

have nametags for your 

first meeting. 

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21

W A T C H 

T H E 

DVD 

Use this space to record key thoughts, questions, 

and things you want to remember or follow up on. 

After watching the video, have someone read the 

discussion questions in the Hear God’s Story section 

and direct the discussion among the group. As 

you go through each of the subsequent sections, 

ask someone else to read the questions and direct 

the discussion. 

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HEAR GOD’S STORY 

READ 2 TIMOTHY 1:3-14. 

“I thank God whom I serve, as did my ancestors, with a clear 

conscience, as I remember you constantly in my prayers night 

and day. As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I 

may be filled with joy. I am reminded of your sincere faith, 

a faith that dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your 

mother Eunice and now, I am sure, dwells in you as well. 

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of 

God, which is in you through the laying own of my hands, 

for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love 

and self-control. 

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our 

Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the 

gospel by the power of God, who saved us and called us to 

a holy calling, not because of our works but because of his 

own purpose and grace, which he gave us in Christ Jesus 

before the ages began, and which now has been manifested 

through the appearing of our Savior Christ Jesus, who 

abolished death and brought life and immortality to light 

through the gospel, for which I was appointed a preacher 

and apostle and teacher, which is why I suffer as I do. But I 

am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am 

convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has 

been entrusted to me. Follow the pattern of the sound words 

that you have heard from me, in the faith and love that 

are in Christ Jesus. By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, 

guard the good deposit entrusted to you.” 

1. Who has poured into your life the way Lois, Eunice and 

Paul poured into Timothy’s life? 

2. In verse 6, Timothy is encouraged to fan into flame the 

gifts of God within him. How might he, and we, accomplish 

this? 

3. Paul encourages Timothy to guard the “good deposit” he 

has received. How might he have done that in a time of 

Christian persecution? 

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S T U D Y 

NOTES 

Singer/songwriter Sara 

Groves explores the idea 

of legacy in her song 

“Generations.” It’s full of 

great insights on both the 

positive and negative longterm 

consequences of our 

choices, and an encouragement 

to “pass on a blessing” to those 

coming after us—even the ones 

we won’t live to meet. 

Here are the lyrics; consider finding a version of the song on 

Spotify or YouTube and listening to it this week. 

“GENERATIONS” 

I can taste the fruit of Eve 

I’m aware of sickness, death and disease 

The results of her choices are vast 

Eve was the first but she wasn’t the last 

And if I were honest with myself 

Had I been standing at that tree 

My mouth and my hands would be 

covered with fruit 

Things I shouldn’t know and things I shouldn’t see 

Remind me of this with every decision 

Generations will reap what I sow 

I can pass on a curse or a blessing 

To those I will never know 

She taught me to fear the serpent 

I’m learning the fear myself 

And all of the things I am capable of 

In my search for wisdom, acceptance and wealth 

And to say that the devil made me do it 

Is a cop out and a lie 

The devil can’t make me do anything 

When I’m calling on Jesus Christ 





To my great, great, great granddaughter 

Live in peace 

To my great, great, great grandson 

Live in peace 

To my great, great, great granddaughter 

Live in peace 

To my great, great, great grandson 

Live in peace, oh, live in peace 





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In this section, talk about how you will apply the 

wisdom you’ve learned from the teaching and Bible 

study. Then think about practical steps you can take in 

the coming week to live out what you’ve learned. 

1. What is one positive hand-me-down that you are passing 

on to those around you? 

CREATE A 

NEW STORY 

God wants you to be part of His kingdom—to 

weave your story into His. That will mean 

change—to go His way rather than your own. 

This won’t happen overnight, but it should 

happen steadily. By starting with small, simple 

choices, we begin to change our direction. The 

Holy Spirit helps us along the way—giving us 

gifts to serve the body, offering us insights into 

Scripture, and challenging us to love not only 

those around us but those far from God. 

2. What is one aspect of your legacy that you would like to 

change? How can this group help you do that? 

3. When people consider your legacy, what would you 

like them to say? 

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Take a look at the Circles of Life diagram below and 

write the names of two or three people you know who 

need to know Christ. Commit to praying for God’s guidance 

and an opportunity to share with each of them. 

Perhaps they would be open to joining the group? Share 

your lists with the group so you can all be praying for 

the people you’ve identified. 

4. This week how will you interact with the Bible? Can you 

commit to spending time in daily prayer or study of God’s 

Word? Use the Daily Devotions section to guide you. 

Tell the group how you plan to follow Jesus this week, 

and then, at your next meeting, talk about your progress 

and challenges. 

5. Stack your hands just a sports team does in the huddle 

and commit to taking a risk and going deeper in your 

group and in your relationships with each other. 

6. To close your time together, 

spend some time worshipping 

God together—praying, 

singing, reading Scripture. 

• Have someone use their 

musical gifts to lead the 

group in a worship song. 

Try singing a capella, 

using a worship CD, or 

have someone accompany 

your singing with a 

musical instrument. 

Consider someone—in this 

group or outside it—that you 

can begin going deeper with in 

an intentional way. This might 

be your mom or dad, a cousin, 

an aunt or uncle, a roommate, 

a college buddy, or a neighbor. 

Choose someone who might 

be open to “doing life” with 

you at a deeper level and pray 

about that opportunity. 

• Choose a Psalm or other favorite verse and read it 

aloud together. Make it a time of praise and worship, 

as the words remind you of all God has done for you. 

• Ask, “How can we pray for you this week?” Invite everyone 

to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to 

write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report 

on page 163. 

• Close your meeting with prayer. 

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DIGGING 

DEEPER 

Read Psalm 78:1-8. 

1. Why is it so important to talk about our heritage 

with our kids? 

2. How can we share God with the next generation? 

If you feel God nudging 

you to go deeper, take 

some time before the 

next meeting to dig into 

His Word. Explore the 

Bible passages related 

to this session’s theme 

on your own and jot 

your reflections in a 

journal or in this study 

guide. A great way to 

gain insight on a passage 

is to read it in several 

different translations. 

You may want to use a 

Bible app or website to 

compare translations. 

3. What are the implications of this scripture for your 

country, family, and life? 

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continued 

Read Joshua 24:14-18. 

4. What does it mean to fear God? 

5. What word appears five times in verses 14 and 15? What 

does this tell you about one way we can build our families 

and leave a legacy? 

6. How does Joshua’s example with his own family encourage 

the people? What is their response? 

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D A I L Y 

DEVOTIONALS 

Day 1• Read Deuteronomy 6:6-7 

These commandments that I give you today are to be upon 

your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them 

when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when 

you lie down and when you get up. 

Respond: 

How can you keep God’s commandments on your heart? 

What are some ways to impress them on your children? 

My Action Steps: 

Day 2 • Read 2 Timothy 2:2 

And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many 

witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified 

to teach others. 

Respond: 

Our legacy is not limited to our families. How can you share 

your wisdom with friends or colleagues who can continue 

your work when you’re gone? 


Day 3 • Read Joshua 4: 6-7 

In the future, when your children ask you, “What do these 

stones mean?” tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off 

before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the 

Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are 

to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever. 

Respond: 

Several times in Scripture, God instructs His people to use 

tangible objects as symbols of His faithfulness and as “teaching 

points” for future generations. How might you apply this 

idea to your own family? 


Day 4 • Read Psalm 103:17-18 

But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord’s love is with those 

who fear Him, and His righteousness with their children’s children—with 

those who keep His covenant and remember to 

obey his precepts. 

Respond: 

What does verse 18 say we should do if we want the Lord to 

reach future generations? How does this contribute to our 

“children’s children” knowing God? 


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Day 5 • Read 1 Corinthians 15:3-5 

For what I received I passed on to you as of first importance: 

that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that 

He was buried, that He was raised on the third day according 

to the Scriptures, and that He appeared to Cephas, and then 

to the Twelve. 

Respond: 

Paul both received the faith and passed it on, emphasizing 

its importance. Who needs to receive the faith you have to 

share? Ask God to give you opportunities to pass it on. 


Day 6 

Use the following space to write any thoughts God has put in 

your heart and mind about the things we have looked at in 

this session and during your Daily Devotions time this week. 

“THESE COMMANDMENTS THAT I GIVE YOU 

TODAY ARE TO BE UPON YOUR HEARTS. 

IMPRESS THEM ON YOUR CHILDREN.” 

Deuteronomy 6:6-7 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS leaving a legacy 

39

Nature or nurture? It’s an ongoing debate. Some 

things we’re just born with—the color of our hair, 

the way we laugh, whether we’re more outgoing or 

more shy. Other things are the result of what we 

experience and how we’re raised. A baby born in 

France will learn French, while a child growing up 

in Spain will speak Spanish. 

“Take the time and trouble to keep yourself 

spiritually fit.” 1 Timothy 4:7 (Ph) 

Scientists debate whether nature or nurture is most 

important, but almost all of them agree both are 

significant. You were born with unique personality 

traits and characteristics, and you’ve also been molded 

and shaped by your life and by the people in it. 

This is great news when it comes to our own roles 

as parents, friends, and family members. While we 

can’t change another person’s basic nature, we can 

have a huge impact on their nurture. In fact, God’s 

Word tells us we’re called to do just that! From the 

words we say to the things we do, our choices can 

model what it looks like to have a relationship with 

Jesus. Today we’ll take a closer look at the huge privilege 

and responsibility we have to “nurture” other 

people through our example. 

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modeling holy habits 

41


questions and activities to get people talking: 

SHARE 

Y O U R 

STORY 

1. What is one genetic trait that was passed on to you that 

you like? (Eye color, curly hair, height, strength, athletic 

ability, etc.) 

As we said last week, when we share our stories with 

others, we give them the opportunity to see God at work. 

Your story is being shaped, even in this moment, by being 

part of this group. In fact, few things can shape us more 

than community. 

2. What is a hand-me-down, genetic 

or environmental, that you can 

have done without? 

When we share 

our stories, we 

can encourage 

someone else, 

and learn. We 

experience the 

presence of God, 

as He helps us 

be brave enough 

to reveal our 

thoughts 

and feelings. 

Open your group with prayer. This should be a brief, 

simple prayer, in which you invite God to be with you 

as you meet. You can pray for specific requests at the 

end of the meeting, or stop momentarily to pray if a 

particular situation comes up during your discussion. 

3. When has a bad habit gotten you into trouble? 

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43

YOU MAY WANT TO PAIR UP WITH 

SOMEONE IN YOUR GROUP.(WE SUG- 

GEST THAT MEN PARTNER WITH 

MEN AND WOMEN WITH WOMEN.) 

THIS PERSON WILL BE YOUR SPIRITU- 

AL PARTNER FOR THE REST OF THIS 

STUDY. HE OR SHE DOESN’T HAVE 

TO BE YOUR BEST FRIEND. INSTEAD, 

THIS PERSON WILL SIMPLY ENCOUR- 

AGE YOU TO COMPLETE THE GOALS 

YOU SET FOR YOURSELF DURING THIS 

STUDY. FOLLOWING THROUGH ON A 

RESOLUTION IS TOUGH WHEN YOU’RE 

ON YOUR OWN; IT MAKES ALL THE 

DIFFERENCE TO HAVE A PARTNER 

TO CHEER YOU ON. 

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45

W A T C H 

T H E 

DVD 

Watch the DVD for this session now. Use the space 

provided to record key thoughts, questions, and 

things you want to remember or follow up on. After 

the video, have someone read the discussion questions 

in the Hear God’s Story section and direct the 

discussion among the group. As you go through each of 

the subsequent sections, ask someone else to read the 

questions and direct the discussion. 

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47

HEAR 

GOD’S 

STORY 

After viewing 

the DVD, use 

the following 

questions to guide 

your discussion of 

the teaching from 

the video. 

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49

Read 1 Timothy 4:7-9 

Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; 

rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of 

some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding 

promise for both the present life and the life to come. This is a 

trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. 

1. What myths or tales might these early Christians have 

been influenced by? 

2. How do we train ourselves to be godly? 

3. How is spiritual training superior to physical training? 

4. What value does godliness have in this life? In 

the life to come? 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS modeling holy habits 

51

STUDY 

NOTES 

In his well-known book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective 

People, author Stephen Covey discusses the 

importance of “beginning with the end in mind.” 

This habit centers around the idea that we make 

better decisions now when we know what our ultimate 

goals are. 

He writes, “[This habit] is based on imagination--the 

ability to envision in your mind what you 

cannot at present see with your eyes. It is based on 

the principle that all things are created twice. There 

is a mental (first) creation, and a physical (second) 

creation. The physical creation follows the mental, 

just as a building follows a blueprint.” 

In the video, Jen talks about a friend who shared 

a similar idea by encouraging her to think about 

who she wanted her kids to someday be as adults, 

and to let that goal influence her daily choices. She 

imagined what a parenting “win” looked like, and 

then made the decision to intentionally influence 

her kids in ways consistent with that win. 

Whether you’re a parent or not, you can begin 

with the end in mind. In each of your important 

relationships, envision the “win” and consider what 

that means for how you think about your time, 

your habits, and your daily decisions. 

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53

CREATE A 

NEW STORY 

God wants you to be part of His kingdom—to 

weave your story into His. That will mean 

change—to go His way rather than your own. 

This won’t happen overnight, but it should 

happen steadily. By starting with small, simple 

choices, we begin to change our direction. The 

Holy Spirit helps us along the way—giving us 

gifts to serve the body, offering us insights into 

Scripture, and challenging us to love not only 

those around us but those far from God. 

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55

CREATE A NEW STORY 

1. Of the four habits Jen mentions—spending time in God’s 

Word, spending time in prayer, honoring God through 

giving, and gathering with other believers—which one is 

easiest for you? Which one is most difficult? 

2. Why is it so important that we spend time with other 

Christians? How does that connect to this week’s idea of 

modeling spiritual growth? 

4. Many of these habits are personal; they’re things we often 

do on our own. How can we appropriately include others 

in these habits, especially our children? 

5. Are you “wholeheartedly” passing on your faith? If not, 

what’s standing in your way? 

3. Do you have a story about how any or all of these habits 

have helped you during a tough time? If so, consider 

sharing it with the group. 

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57

6. Here are some simple ways to connect with 

God. Tell the group which ones you plan to 

try this week, and talk about your progress 

and challenges when you meet next time. 

• PRAYER 

Commit to personal prayer and daily 

connection with God. You may find it 

helpful to write your prayers in a journal. 

• DAILY DEVOTIONS 

The Daily Devotions provided in each 

session offer an opportunity to read 

a short Bible passage five days a week 

during the course of our study. In our 

hurry-up world, we often move too 

quickly through everything—even reading 

God’s Word! Slow down. Don’t just 

skim, but take time to read carefully 

and reflect on the passage. Write down 

your insights on what you read each day. 

Copy a portion of Scripture on a card 

and tape it somewhere in your line of 

sight, such as your car’s dashboard or the 

bathroom mirror. Or text it to yourself! 

Think about it when you sit at red lights 

or while you’re eating a meal. Reflect on 

what God is saying to you through these 

words. On the sixth day summarize 

what God has shown you throughout 

the week. 

7. To close your time together, spend 

some time worshipping God together: 

praying, singing, or reading Scripture. 

• Have someone use their musical 

gifts to lead the group in a worship 

song. Try singing a capella, using 

a worship CD, or have someone 

accompany your singing with a 

musical instrument. 

• Choose a Psalm or other favorite 

verse and read it aloud together. 

Make it a time of praise and worship, 

as the words remind you of 

all God has done for you. 

• Ask, “How can we pray for you 

this week?” Invite everyone to 

share, but don’t force the issue. 

Be sure to write prayer requests 

on your Prayer and Praise Report 

on page 163. 


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59

DIGGING 

DEEPER 

If you feel God is nudging you 

to go deeper, take some time 

between now and our next 

meeting to dig into His Word. 

Explore the Bible passages 

related to this session’s 

theme on your own, jotting 

your reflections in a journal 

or in this study guide. Want 

to go deeper? Select a few 

verses and try paraphrasing 

them: writing them in your 

own words. If you like, share 

them with the group the next 

time you meet. 

Read 1 Timothy 4:7-9. 

1. In verse 4, Paul seems to be saying we shouldn’t focus on 

things that distract us from God. What are some of those 

things in your life? 

2. What are some ways we train ourselves to be more 

physically fit? How might we make ourselves more 

spiritually fit? 

3. How is spiritual training more important than physical 

training? 

4. How does becoming more like Jesus improve our lives 

now? What makes it a goal worth pursuing? 

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D A I L Y 

DEVOTIONALS 

Day 1 • Read Proverbs 27:17 

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. 

Respond: 

How do people “sharpen” one another? Who is playing this 

role in your life? Are you sharpening anyone else? 

Day 3 • Read 2 Timothy 4:2 

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; 

correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful 

instruction. 

Respond: 

This verse was written from one preacher (Paul) to another 

(Timothy), but it applies to any of us wanting to model a lifestyle 

of faith. Take a few moments to ask God for His help in 

following this instruction. 



Day 2 • Read 1 Peter 3:8 

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic, 

love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. 

Respond: 

Which of these actions do you find easiest when it comes to 

relationships with others? How does living this way help you 

share your faith with those close to you? 


Day 4 • Read: Proverbs 22:6 

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he 

will not turn from it. 

Respond: 

Of course, there are no guarantees in life—we all know people 

who raised their children well and the children did, in fact, 

“turn from it.” But the Proverbs share wisdom that is generally 

true for living a good life. Does this verse give you hope? 

How can you grow in the way you are training your child? 


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Day 5 • Read: 1 John 4:11-12 

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one 

another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love each other, 

God lives in us and His love is made complete in us. 

Respond: 

You might be one of the biggest ways someone else sees God. 

It’s a huge responsibility but also a huge opportunity. How can 

you show God and His love to the people in your life today? 


Day 6 




“FINALLY, ALL OF YOU, LIVE IN 

HARMONY WITH ONE ANOTHER, 

BE SYMPATHETIC, LOVE AS 

BROTHERS, BE COMPASSIONATE 

AND HUMBLE.” 

1 Peter 3:8 

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65

Some of us grew up wearing a lot of hand-medowns. 

Perhaps these used clothes came from an 

older brother or sister who outgrew them, or maybe 

your mom swapped clothes with other moms who 

had kids your age. One of our friends regularly received 

bags of clothes from another girl at church 

who was three years older, and she said it was like 

Christmas—there was always at least one great 

find in each bag. 

“Let us examine our ways and test them, and return to 

the Lord.” Lamentations 3:40 

On the other hand, anyone who’s received handme-downs 

knows there are also items you just don’t 

want: the pants two sizes too small, the shirt with a 

band name on it that isn’t popular anymore, the winter 

hat that you hated wearing. Just because someone 

wanted to give you something doesn’t mean you 

always wanted to receive it. 

The same is true with the values, attitudes, and beliefs 

that are handed down to us. As we’ve discussed 

the last two weeks, our family and friends may have 

gifted us with an amazing spiritual legacy. But we’ve 

probably also inherited some negative patterns and 

destructive habits. Today we’ll talk about how to discern 

what we should keep and what needs to go, and 

how we can create new patterns that honor God. 

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Breaking Bad Cycles 

67

SHARE 

Y O U R 

STORY 

Open your group with 

prayer. This should be 

a brief, simple prayer, 

in which you invite God 

to be with you as you 

meet. You can pray for 

specific requests at 

the end of the meeting, 

or stop momentarily 

to pray if a particular 

situation comes up during 

your discussion. 

1. Did you get many hand-me-down clothes as a kid? 

Did you hate it or enjoy it? 

2. What’s the hardest habit you’ve ever tried to break? 

3. What’s a habit you wish was part of your life? 

Sharing personal stories 

builds deeper connections 

among group members. 

Begin your time together 

by using the following 

questions and activities 

to get people talking. 

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69

W A T C H 

T H E 

DVD 

Watch the DVD for this session now. Use this space 

to record key thoughts, questions, and things you 

want to remember or follow up on. 

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71

H E A R 

G O D ’ S 

STORY 

After viewing the 

DVD Session, use the 

following questions to 

guide your discussion 

of the teaching from 

the video. 

Read Josiah 34:3-5. 

1. What are some ways you’ve successfully formed a 

new habit or added a new priority to your life? 

2. What’s something that was the “norm” in your 

household growing up that you now recognize was 

not so great? Have you carried on those patterns 

into your life today? 

3. King Josiah inherited a huge spiritual mess from 

his father and grandfather. What does their story 

teach us about cleaning up the messes we have inherited? 

How does it encourage you? 

4. What does it mean to seek after God like Josiah 

did? How would your life change if you began 

seeking after Him more intentionally? 

5. Finding the scriptures gave Josiah the knowledge of 

what God expected and how the kingdom needed 

to change. How can spending time reading God’s 

word give insight into your own life? 

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73

S T U D Y 

NOTES 

You may be familiar with 

Exodus 20:5-6. It says, “I, 

the Lord your God, am a 

jealous God, punishing the 

children for the sin of the 

parents to the third and 

fourth generation of those 

who hate me, but showing love 

to a thousand generations of 

those who love me and keep my 

commandments.” 

At first glance, this passage seems extremely unfair. Why 

would a loving God punish children and grandchildren for 

the sins and negative choices of previous generations? 

First, it’s important to notice the end of this passage: God 

also makes a promise to extend His love to a THOUSAND 

generations when people follow Him. That’s more than fair! 

But we must also realize that these verses are simply defining 

reality for the stubborn Israelites (and for the stubborn people 

we are today). This passage acknowledges the reality that 

family habits, patterns, and cycles can become generational 

sins. Perhaps it’s the history of alcoholism in a family, or the 

parent who was abused by his parents and now abuses his 

own child. These issues are not God’s fault; instead, they are 

consequences of our own choices—sometimes the choices of 

those who came before us. 

God makes a promise to extend His 

love to a THOUSAND generations 

when people follow Him! 

This is a hard teaching, but it’s key to understanding why 

family patterns can be so destructive—and why it’s so important 

to begin getting rid of our baggage and burdens that 

might affect others. 

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75

In this section, talk about how 

you will apply the wisdom you’ve 

learned in this session. 

CREATE A 

NEW STORY 

God wants you to be part of His Kingdom—to 

weave your story into His. That will mean change. 

It will require you to go His way rather than your 

own. This won’t happen overnight, but it should 

happen steadily. By making small, simple choices, we 

can begin to change our direction. The Holy Spirit 

helps us along the way, by giving us gifts to serve 

the body, offering us insights into Scripture, and 

challenging us to love not only those around us but 

those far from God. 

1. In the video Jim said, “Part of leaving a faithful legacy is 

examining your life and breaking negative cycles.” What 

cycles do you need to break? 

2. What are some positive patterns you want to be sure to 

pass on to others? What are some practical steps you can 

take to begin creating these new habits? 

3. How do our habits contribute to our legacy? 

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77

4. Groups grow closer when they serve together. How could 

your group serve someone in need? You may want to visit 

a shut-in from your church, provide a meal for a family 

who is going through difficulty, or give some other practical 

help. If nothing comes to mind, spend some group 

time praying and asking God to show you who needs 

your help. Then have two or three group members organize 

a service project for the group, and do it! 

5. Developing our ability to serve according to the leading 

of the Holy Spirit takes time and persistence in getting to 

know our Lord. So the first step toward serving others is, 

paradoxically, spending time alone with God—praying 

and studying and reflecting on God’s Word. What specific 

steps will you take this week? If you’ve focused on 

prayer in past weeks, maybe you’ll want to direct your 

attention to Scripture this week. If you’ve been reading 

God’s Word consistently, perhaps you’ll want to take it 

deeper and try memorizing a verse. Tell the group which 

one you plan to try this week, and talk about your progress 

and challenges when you meet next time. 

6. To close your time together, spend some time worshipping 

God together—praying, singing, reading Scripture. 

• Have someone use their musical gifts to lead the 

group in a worship song. Try singing a capella, 

using a worship CD, or have someone accompany 

your singing with a musical instrument. 

• Choose a Psalm or other favorite verse and read it 

aloud together. Make it a time of praise and worship, 

as the words remind you of all God has done for you. 


to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to 

write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report 

on page 163. 


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79

DIGGING 

DEEPER 

Take some time between 

now and our next meeting 

to dig into God’s Word. 

Explore the Bible passages 

related to this session’s 

theme. Jot down your 

reflections in a journal 

or in this study guide. 

You may even want to use 

a Bible website or app to 

look up commentary on 

these passages. If you like, 

share what you learn 

with the group the next 

time you meet. 

Read Hebrews 12:1-3. 

1. How does being “watched by witnesses” 

make you feel? 

2. What sins have often hindered or entangled you? 

3. How would your life change if you began to live for 

an Audience of One- God? 

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81


continued 

Read Ephesians 4:22-24. 

6. How do our attitudes affect our spiritual growth? 

4. What is one thing you’ve been taught by a pastor, by 

Bible reading, or by a spiritual mentor that you need to 

incorporate into your life? 

5. How can desires deceive us? How do they corrupt us? 

7. What a great thing it is to know we were created to be 

like God! How does knowing God’s plan for you give 

you hope in following Him? 

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D A I L Y 

DEVOTIONALS 

Day 1 • Read Romans 12:21. 

Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. 

Respond: 

How can we live out this verse in our daily lives? Ask God 

for insight and for help in how you can overcome the bad in 

your life and replace it with good. 

Day 3 • Read 1 John 1:9. 

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our 

sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

Respond: 

Confessing our sin and then accepting God’s forgiveness is 

key to breaking negative cycles. Take a few minutes to admit 

your mistakes to God, and then rest in the knowledge that 

you are forgiven. 



Day 2 • Read 1 Corinthians 10:13. 

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. 

And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond 

what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also 

provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. 

Respond: 

Does this verse encourage you or discourage you? How does 

God provide ways out of our temptations? 

Day 4 • Read 1 John 2:17. 

The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will 

of God lives forever. 

Respond: 

What are the desires of the world? How are they different 

from the will of God? 



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85

Day 5 • Read James 1:12. 

Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having 

stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the 

Lord has promised to those who love Him. 

Respond: 

If you are struggling to change negative patterns and receiving 

resistance from other people, ask God to help you persevere 

in following Him. Spend a few minutes meditating on 

this passage and thanking God for the blessings He promises. 


“THE WORLD AND ITS DESIRES PASS 

AWAY, BUT WHOEVER DOES THE WILL OF 

GOD LIVES FOREVER.” 

1 John 2:17 

Day 6 




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87

Recently researchers at Northwestern University 

ran a series of experiments that placed college 

students in tempting situations to smoke, eat junk 

food, or avoid studying. They found we often display 

what’s called a “restraint bias,” which means 

we tend to overestimate how much self-control we 

will have against temptation. In other words, we’re 

biased to think we have more restraint than we 

do. When we’re not in the situation, we think we’ll 

handle it great, but in the heat of the moment we’ll 

often give in. 

“The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed 

are his children after him!” Proverbs 20:7 (ESV) 

This isn’t such a big deal if it means we eat a little 

more pizza than we should or we go to bed a little 

later than we should. But sometimes we have a restraint 

bias when it comes to more serious things. 

We not only lack willpower, we also lack self-awareness. 

We think we can easily handle a difficult situation. 

We assume that our good intentions will stay 

a reality when things get tough, and we generally 

overestimate our ability to do the right thing. 

We can’t live moral lives and please God through 

our willpower. If we try, we’ll fail again and again. 

But we can please Him when we follow Christ and 

allow Him to work in us. This week we’ll learn more 

about what it means to live with integrity—not 

through our own strength, but through His. 

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living with integrity 

89

1. When you think of someone with strong integrity 

who comes to mind? How do they influence you? 


Open your group with prayer. This should be a 

brief, simple prayer, in which you invite God to 

be with you as you meet. You can pray for specific 

requests at the end of the meeting or stop 

momentarily to pray if a particular situation 

comes up during your discussion. 

As we have said in previous lessons, sharing our 

personal stories builds deeper connections among 

group members. Your story may be exactly what 

another person needs to hear to encourage or 

strengthen them. And your listening to others’ 

stories is an act of love and kindness to them—and 

could very well help them to grow spiritually. 



2. What character values had a strong emphasis in 

your home growing up? (Work ethic, honesty, 

responsibility, fairness, kindness, generosity, etc.) 

3. You may want to sit and share with your spiritual 

partners prayer concerns. 

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91

W A T C H 

T H E 

DVD 



want to remember or follow up on. After you finish 

watching the video, have someone read the 






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93

H E A R 

G O D ’ S 

STORY 

Use the following 

questions to guide 

your discussion of 

the teaching from 

the video and the 

Bible passage below. 

1. What does it mean for values to be “caught” 

instead of “taught”? 

2. In what areas do you currently “own” integrity? 

In what ways do you need to work on 

building integrity? 

READ 2 CORINTHIANS 5:21 

“For our sake he made him to be sin who 

knew no sin, so that in him we might become 

the righteousness of God.” 

3. What’s wrong with trying to develop integrity or 

become a better person by yourself? 

4. What does it mean that Jesus is our savior? 

5. What’s God’s part in you growing as a person? 

What’s your part? 

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S T U D Y 

NOTES 

Sometimes you’ll come across 

some “ten dollar words” that 

theologians and scholars use 

to describe different aspects 

of what Jesus did for us on the 

cross and how His death and 

resurrection make us right 

with God. You certainly don’t 

have to know these words to 

be a Christian, but the ideas 

could be helpful to you or the 

group. Here are a few terms 

you might want to discuss or 

study further: 

Sanctification: To set apart; to make holy or sacred. We are 

set apart and made holy when we make the decision to follow 

Jesus, and we are also sanctified day by day as we follow Him. 

Imputation: A belief that God “credits” the righteousness 

of Jesus to us. We are not righteous on our own, but 

through Jesus. 

Propitiation: The idea that Jesus’s death appeases or satisfies 

God’s wrath toward sin and reconciles us to Him. 

“JUST AS THE SON OF MAN DID 

NOT COME TO BE SERVED, BUT TO 

SERVE, AND TO GIVE HIS LIFE AS A 

RANSOM FOR MANY.” 

Matthew 20:28 

Redemption: To be freed or rescued from bondage; Jesus’s 

sacrifice redeemed us from the power of sin. 

Justification: God declaring us “just” and sinless because of 

Christ’s righteousness. 

Atonement: Christ presented as the sacrifice that reconciles 

us to God, by giving His life “as a ransom for many” 

(Matthew 20:28). 

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97

C R E A T E 

A N E W 

STORY 

3. What are the key values you’d like your family or friends 

to learn from you? How can you be more intentional 

about handing them out? 

1. What areas of your integrity are strong? Which 

areas need work? 

4. Do you need to do your part and follow the ABC steps 

Jim mentioned in the DVD? 

2. What are some values you have been taught by others? 

What are some values you’ve “caught”? 

5. Spend some time praying about those you know who 

might respond to a simple invitation: to come to a church 

service, to join your small group, or even just to have coffee 

and talk about spiritual matters. Ask the Holy Spirit to 

bring to mind people you can pray for. 

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99

DIGGING 

DEEPER 

Read 1 Peter 2:23-25. 

1. How did Jesus entrust himself to God on the cross? 

Read 1 John 4:9-12. 

1. What does it mean to live through God’s Son? 

2. What does it mean to die to sins? To live for righteousness? 

2. How does Jesus’ sacrifice atone, or make amends for, 

our sin? 

3. How is Jesus a Shepherd to us? 

3. How does God’s love live in us when we love each other? 

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101

D A I L Y 

DEVOTIONALS 

Day 1 • Read Isaiah 53:5. 

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for 

our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on 

Him, and by His wounds we are healed. 

Respond: 

How does Jesus’ “punishment” bring us peace? How do His 

physical wounds bring us spiritual healing? 


Day 2 • Read Colossians 1:13-14. 

For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and 

brought us into the kingdom of the Son He loves, in whom we 

have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. 

Respond: 

How do you respond to the idea of being rescued? Have 

you ever considered the idea of needing to be rescued 

from your sins? 

Day 3 • Read Ephesians 5:1-2. 

Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and 

walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself 

up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 

Respond: 

What does it mean that Jesus was a “fragrant offering”? Ask 

for His help today to walk in the way of love. 


Day 4 • Read Romans 8:1-2. 

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in 

Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit 

who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. 

Respond: 

As we try to follow God and live with more integrity, we can 

take comfort in knowing that God is not angry if we fail. We 

have the freedom to grow and even to make mistakes because 

we are in Christ. 



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103

Day 5 • Read John 15:13. 

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for 

one’s friends. 

Respond: 

Take some time today simply to thank Jesus for dying for your 

sins and to ask for His help in becoming a person of integrity. 


“...THERE IS NOW NO CONDEMNATION 

FOR THOSE WHO ARE IN CHRIST JESUS,” 

Romans 8:1 

Day 6 




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105

Have you ever known a really mean Christian? Unfortunately, 

there are some out there. As we’ve talked 

about in this study, we are all deeply affected by 

the attitudes, habits, and values of others, and sometimes 

these can leave lasting scars that cause a person 

to hurt deeply—and to hurt others. 

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at 

peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18 

But as Christ followers, our behavior not only reflects 

on us, it also reflects on Jesus. Part of loving 

God is loving other people. Part of becoming like 

Christ is learning to love like He did. We’ll never get 

it perfect, but the Bible is full of instructions for how 

we are to consistently work toward loving, serving, 

and honoring the people in our lives. Sometimes 

this is easy, like offering a smile to a stranger. Sometimes 

it’s more difficult, like offering forgiveness. 

But no matter what each day holds, God’s teaching is 

clear—we need to learn how to play well with others. 

Let’s dive in and learn more about what that means. 

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playing well with others 

107

1. Without naming names, who’s the most difficult 

person in your life? 





requests at the end of the meeting or stop 



Telling our personal stories builds deeper 

connections among group members. Begin your 

time together by using the following questions 

and activities to get people talking. Sharing our 

stories requires us to be honest. We can help 

one another to be honest and open by creating a 

safe place; be sure that your group is one where 

confidentiality is respected, where there is no 

such thing as “stupid questions,” where you listen 

without criticizing one another. 

2. What’s your “go-to” when you’re angry, stressed, or 

unhappy? For instance, do you shut down and get 

quiet, do you yell, do you get sarcastic? 

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H E A R 

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STORY 


DVD Session, use 

the following 

questions to 

guide your 

discussion of the 

teaching from 

the video and this 

Bible passage 

from Romans. 

READ 

ROMANS 12:9-18. 

Love must be sincere. Hate 

what is evil; cling to what 

is good. Be devoted to one 

another in love. Honor one 

another above yourselves. 

Never be lacking in zeal, 

but keep your spiritual 

fervor, serving the Lord. 

Be joyful in hope, patient 

in affliction, faithful in 

prayer. Share with the 

Lord’s people who are in 

need. Practice hospitality. 

Bless those who persecute 

you; bless and do not 

curse. Rejoice with those 

who rejoice; mourn with 

those who mourn. Live in 

harmony with one another. 

Do not be proud, but be 

willing to associate with 

people of low position. Do 

not be conceited. 

Do not repay anyone evil 

for evil. Be careful to do 

what is right in the eyes of 

everyone. If it is possible, 

as far as it depends on you, 

live at peace with everyone. 

1. What are some good skills in getting along with 

others that you learned from your family? What 

are some bad habits you learned? 

2. What does it mean to love God with our heart? 

With our soul? With our mind? 

3. When Jesus said to love your neighbor, did he mean 

only the person who has a house next to you? Who 

else is included in that command? 

4. What are some ways you need to live in peace with 

others? What changes do you need to make for 

this to happen? 

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Researchers and psychologists have come up with a number 

of tests that can help you learn more about your personality. 

These tests are great by themselves, and they’re even more 

helpful when a group—a family, a team at work, or a church 

staff—takes them together and learns more about each other. 

One is the Enneagram, which identifies nine basic personality 

types and also explores how they connect with each other, 

what weaknesses and strengths the personalities have, and 

what secondary or “wing” type complements and adds to the 

basic type. You can find out more at enneagraminstitute.com. 

Another popular tool is the Myers-Briggs. The creators of 

this tool and test have noted four major elements of personality 

and sixteen distinct personality types. These include 

whether a person is an introvert or extrovert, whether he 

makes decisions based on feelings, how concrete or intuitive 

he is, and how much he likes spontaneity. Learn more at 

myersbriggs.org. 

STUDY NOTES 

A third tool is the DISC profile, which identifies Dominance, 

Influence, Steadiness, and Conscientiousness as four primary 

ways of interacting with the world. Most people show a 

clear strength in one of these areas with a secondary strength 

in a second area. Learn more at discprofile.com. 

It’s important to note, when exploring and taking these assessments, 

that none of these tests define you or others. Everyone 

is much more than a collection of letters or a test result. 

But these can be helpful tools that allow you to know 

yourself better, be more understanding of the people you live 

and work with, and ultimately get along better with the people 

you care about. 

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CREATE A 

NEW STORY 

God wants you to be part of His Kingdom—to weave 

your story into His. That will mean change. It will 

require you to go His way rather than your own. 

This won’t happen overnight, but it should happen 

steadily. By making small, simple choices, we can 

begin to change our direction. The Holy Spirit 

helps us along the way—giving us gifts to serve 

the body, offering us insights into Scripture, and 

challenging us to love not only those around us 

but those far from God. 

In this section, talk about how you 

will apply the wisdom you’ve learned 

in this session. 

1. In what areas of connecting with others would 

you get a “smiley face” right now? How about a 

“frowney face”? 

2. How does loving God with our heart, soul, and 

mind help us to love others? 

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3. How does our treatment of others reflect our relationship 

with God? 

• A strong group is made up of people who are all being filled 

up by God, so that they are empowered to love one another. 

What specific steps will you take this week to connect with 

God privately, so He can “fill you up?” If you’ve focused on 

prayer in past weeks, maybe you’ll want to direct your attention 

to Scripture this week. If you’ve been reading God’s 

Word consistently, perhaps you’ll want to take it deeper and 

try memorizing a verse. Tell the group which one you plan 

to try this week. Then, at your next meeting, talk about your 

progress and challenges. 

4. What should we do if it’s not possible to live in peace with 

someone because of their choices? 

• To close your time together, 

spend some time worshiping 

God together—praying, singing, 

reading Scripture. 

• Have someone use their musical 

gifts to lead the group in 

a worship song. Try singing a 

capella, using a worship CD, 

or having someone accompany 

your singing with a musical 

instrument. 

A strong group 

is made up of 

people who are 

all being filled 

up by God. 

Spend some time praying about those you know 

who might respond to a simple invitation: to come 

to a church service; to join your small group; or 

even just to have coffee and talk about spiritual 

matters. Ask the Holy Spirit to bring to mind 

people you can pray for. 

• Choose a Psalm or other favorite verse and read it aloud together. 

Make it a time of praise and worship, as the words 

remind you of all God has done for you. 


to share, but don’t force the issue. Be sure to write prayer requests 

on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 163. 


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Read Hebrews 12:14-15. 

1. This passage lists a variety of instructions for how Christians 

should live. Which ones are most difficult for you? 

Which ones are easiest? 


Explore the Bible passages related to this 

session’s theme on your own, jotting your 

reflections in a journal or in this study guide. 

You may even want to use a Bible website or app 

to look up commentary on these passages. 

2. How do we bless those who treat us badly or hurt us? 

3. Why is it important to rejoice and mourn with those experiencing 

those emotions? 

4. What does it mean to repay evil? Why is it important 

to avoid this? 

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continued 

Read Psalm 133. 

1. What does it mean for God’s people to live in unity? 

2. What are we to make of the strange comparison in verse 2? 

(This might be a great time to check a Bible commentary!) 

3. What are some ways God blesses His people when they 

live this way? 

“It is like precious oil poured on the head, 

running down on the beard, running down 

on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his 

robe.” Psalm 133:2 

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D A I L Y 

DEVOTIONALS 

Day 1 • Read Romans 14:19. 

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace 

and to mutual edification. 

Respond: 

Does treating other people well mean that you must not treat 

yourself with care? How can we move toward “mutual edification” 

in our relationships? 


Day 2 • Read Proverbs 19:11. 

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook 

an offense. 

Respond: 

Again, the point here is not that we become doormats, but 

that being a loving, wise person means we also don’t make 

every small problem a major issue. Ask God to help you develop 

more patience in your relationships and determine 

which offenses you should overlook. 

Day 3 • Read Philippians 2:13-14. 

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may 

become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a 

warped and crooked generation. 

Respond: 

How does our willingness to follow God’s ways—in this case, 

watching our tongues—testify to those around us? 


Day 4 • Read Proverbs 17:14. 

Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter 

before a dispute breaks out. 

Respond: 

Wow, is this true or what?! So often a small argument can 

become a major fight. Are there things you need to “drop” in 

order to pursue a more peaceful relationship with someone? 



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Day 5 • Read Matthew 7:5. 

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then 

you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. 

Respond: 

We are often quick to find fault with others while excusing 

our own mistakes. What are the “planks” you need to remove? 

Ask God to help you identify these issues and work on them. 


Day 6 




“LET US THEREFORE MAKE EVERY EFFORT 

TO DO WHAT LEADS TO PEACE AND TO 

MUTUAL EDIFICATION.” 

Romans 14:19 

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If you need wisdom—if you want to know what God 

wants you to do—ask him and he will gladly tell you. 

He will not resent you asking. James 1:5 (NLT) 

Have you ever wished you could just email God, or 

text Him, and ask for the answer to a specific question? 

The Bible gives us many, many insights for living 

meaningful and joyful lives, but it doesn’t give 

us personal guidance to particular questions. “Who 

should I marry? Should I marry at all? What kind of 

work would use my gifts and talents? Where should 

I live? Should I buy this car or that car? How many 

children should I have?” If you ask these questions, 

you won’t find the answer in Scripture. 

However, God does make a startling promise to us 

in the book of James—a promise that if we sincerely 

ask, He will give us His wisdom. This isn’t as easy as 

getting a text from God telling you what to do, but it 

is a direct “hotline” to Him and a way we can make 

better choices and live in ways that honor Him. This 

week we’ll explore what it means to seek God’s will 

and how we can access the gift of His wisdom. 

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1. What surprised you most about this group? Where 

did God meet you over the last six weeks? 





requests at the end of the meeting, or stop 



As we have said in previous lessons, sharing our 

personal stories builds deeper connections among 

group members. Your story may be exactly what 

another person needs to hear to encourage or 

strengthen them. And your listening to others’ 

stories is an act of love and kindness to them— 

and could very well help them grow spiritually. 



2. You can have one wish—what would it be? 

(No wishing for more wishes!) 

3. Can you think of a public figure or a celebrity who 

was blessed with many advantages but destroyed 

their life? What bad choices caused their downfall? 

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H E A R 

G O D ’ S 

STORY 


DVD Session, use the 

following questions to 

guide your discussion 

of the teaching you 

just experienced in the 

video, and this Bible 

passage from James. 

1. We can’t ask God for wisdom if we don’t think we 

need it. Take a few minutes to evaluate your life. In 

what areas do you need God’s wisdom and help? 

2. Solomon asked God for the ability to tell the difference 

between right and wrong. What makes that 

such an important part of wisdom? 

3. How can wealth and success make us vulnerable? 

READ JAMES 1:2-5. 

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, 

whenever you face trials of many kinds, because 

you know that the testing of your faith produces 

perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so 

that you may be mature and complete, not lacking 

anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask 

God, who gives generously to all without finding 

fault, and it will be given to you.” 

4. Jim said Solomon was “educated beyond his obedience.” 

He knew what to do, but he didn’t do it. 

In what ways does this describe our life? Are there 

areas in which you are not doing what you know 

you should do? 

5. Solomon’s final conclusion in life is to love God 

and obey Him. How would your life change if you 

made this the goal of your life? 

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STUDY NOTES 

For more teaching on wisdom, check out the 

book of Proverbs. You may already be familiar 

with this book or know it as a collection of 

short sayings that offer wisdom and instruction 

for life. These sayings are definitely valuable, and 

often you will find yourself nodding your head in 

agreement as you read some that especially resonate 

with you (or wishing you could anonymously 

email a few to other people!). 

But in addition to the individual adages, the first 

nine chapters of Proverbs offer an extended discussion 

of why wisdom is so important, the contrast 

between the way of wisdom and the way of 

violence, the consequences of rejecting wisdom, 

and the many benefits of accepting wisdom. 

Our text for this week is true—God will give you 

His wisdom if you ask. But a great way to get His 

wisdom is through His word, and Proverbs is a 

perfect place to start. 

“Listen, my son, to your 

father’s instruction and do 

not forsake your mother’s 

teaching. They are a garland 

to grace your head and a 

chain to adorn your neck.” 

Proverbs 1:8-9 

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Think about specific steps you want 

to take to live a new story and to 

walk more closely with God so you 

can be part of His story, engaged in 

His kingdom. 

1. How has God changed your story during this sixweek 

study? What new things is He asking you to 

do? What truth has transformed your heart? 

C R E A T E 

A NEW 

STORY 

2. As you walk forward in your relationship with 

God, what will you do differently as a result of 

what you’ve experienced in this group? 

3. Jim and Jen shared the story of King Solomon, 

who followed God for a while and experienced 

great blessings before he began depending on 

himself instead. In what areas are you relying on 

your own wisdom instead of God’s? 

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4. What’s the difference between knowing God’s commandments 

and following them? Which is easier? Which 

pleases God more? 

5. In Romans 7 Paul writes that he is exhausted with himself. 

He says, “I don’t understand myself at all, for I really 

want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead I do the 

very thing I hate. I know perfectly well that what I am 

doing is wrong . . . but I can’t help myself.” Do you have an 

area of your life that continues to trip you up? 

6. In what one area of your life do you most want wisdom 

and guidance? 

8. Review your Small Group Agreement on page 156 and 

evaluate how well you met your goals. Discuss any changes 

you want to make as you move forward. If you plan 

to continue meeting, and your group starts a new study, 

this is a great time to take on a new role or change roles 

of service in your group. What new role will you take on? 

If you are uncertain, maybe your group members have 

some ideas for you. Remember, you aren’t making a lifetime 

commitment to the new role; it will only be for a few 

weeks. Maybe someone would like to share a role with 

you if you don’t feel ready to serve solo. 

9. Close by praying for your prayer requests and take a couple 

of minutes to review the praises you have recorded 

over the past five weeks on the Prayer and Praise Report 

on page 163. Spend some time just worshipping 

God and thanking Him for all He’s done in your group 

during this study. 

7. As this is the last meeting in this study, take some time 

to celebrate the work God has done in the lives of group 

members. Have each person in the group share some 

step of growth they have noticed in another member. (In 

other words, no one will talk about themselves. Instead, 

affirm others in the group.) Make sure each person gets 

affirmed and noticed and celebrated—whether the steps 

they’ve made are large or small. 

If your group still needs to make 

decisions about continuing to 

meet after this session, have that 

discussion now. Talk about what you 

will study, who will lead, and where 

and when you will meet. 

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Explore the Bible passages related to this 

session’s theme on your own, jotting your 

reflections in a journal or in this study guide. 

You may even want to use a Bible website or app 

to look up commentary on these passages. 

Read Psalm 119:97-105. 

1. What is the “law” referred to in this passage? Why is it 

so important to the psalmist? 

2. What action seems necessary to fully understand the 

wisdom of God’s word? (see verses 97, 99) 

3. What is required in addition to knowledge if we are 

going to gain understanding? (see verses 100, 101) 

4. Why does the author compare God’s word to a 

light or a lamp? 

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continued 

Read James 1:5-8. 

1. As you think of the legacy you’d like to pass on, what 

role does wisdom play in achieving that goal? 

2. How can we as individuals, a church, and a 

country seek wisdom? 

3. It’s interesting that James, Jesus’ brother, writes this. Yet, 

James did not recognize Jesus as his Lord at first. How 

have you “missed” Jesus in the past? 

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D A I L Y 

DEVOTIONALS 

Day 1 • Read Thessalonians 5:16-18. 

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; 

for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 

Respond: 

Sometimes we ignore the general will of God in our desire 

for specific insights. Are you rejoicing, praying, and 

giving thanks? 


Day 2 • Read James 3:17. 

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then 

peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good 

fruit, impartial and sincere. 

Respond: 

Do any of these descriptions of wisdom surprise you? Have 

you seen examples of this from times God has given you wisdom 

in your own life? 

Day 3 • Read 1 Peter 2:15-16. 

For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the 

ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not 

use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. 

Respond: 

How does doing good “silence” those who are opposed to 

God? Is there a situation in your life that would be improved 

by following God and submitting to His will? 


Day 4 • Read Ecclesiastes 2:26. 

To the person who pleases Him, God gives wisdom, knowledge 

and happiness, but to the sinner He gives the task of 

gathering and storing up wealth to hand it over to the one 

who pleases God. 

Respond: 

What a promise! Take some time today to ask God for help in 

pleasing Him so that you can experience His blessings. 



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Day 5 • Read Ephesians 5:15-17. 

Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as 

wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days 

are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the 

Lord’s will is. 

Respond: 

What does it mean to wisely make the most of every opportunity? 

Why is this so important in our sinful world? 


Day 6 




“REJOICE ALWAYS, PRAY CONTINUALLY, 

GIVE THANKS IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES; 

FOR THIS IS GOD’S WILL FOR YOU IN 

CHRIST JESUS.” 

Thessalonians 5:16-18 

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APPENDICES 

RESOURCES TO MAKE YOUR 

SMALL GROUP EXPERIENCE 

EVEN BETTER! 

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FREQUENTLY ASKED 

QUESTIONS 

What do we do on the first night of our group? 

Like all fun things in life—have a party! A “get to 

know you” coffee, dinner, or dessert is a great way 

to launch a new study. You may want to review the 

Group Agreement (page 156) and share the names 

of a few friends you can invite to join you. But most 

importantly, have fun before your study time begins. 

Where do we find new members for our group? 

This can be troubling, especially for new groups that 

have only a few people or for existing groups that 

lose a few people along the way. We encourage you 

to pray with your group and then brainstorm a list 

of people from work, church, your neighborhood, 

your children’s school, family, the gym, and so 

forth. Then have each group member invite several 

of the people on his or her list. Another good strategy 

is to ask church leaders to make an announcement 

or allow a bulletin insert. 

No matter how you find members, it’s vital that 

you stay on the lookout for new people to join your 

group. All groups tend to go through healthy attrition—the 

result of moves, releasing new leaders, 

ministry opportunities, and so forth—and if the 

group gets too small, it could be at risk of shutting 

down. If you and your group stay open, you’ll be 

amazed at the people God sends your way. The 

next person just might become a friend for life. 

You never know! 

How long will this group meet? 

Most groups meet weekly for at least their 

first 5 weeks. 

At the end of this study, each group member may 

decide if he or she wants to continue on for another 

study. Some groups launch relationships 

for years to come, and others are stepping-stones 

into another group experience. Either way, enjoy 

the journey. 

Can we do this study on our own? 

Absolutely! This may sound crazy, but one of the 

best ways to do this study is not with a full house 

but with a few friends. You may choose to gather 

with another couple who would enjoy some relational 

time (perhaps going to the movies or having 

a quiet dinner) and then walking through this 

study. Jesus will be with you even if there are only 

two of you (Matthew 18:20). 

What if this group is not working for us? 

You’re not alone! This could be the result of a personality 

conflict, life stage difference, geographical 

distance, level of spiritual maturity, or any number 

of things. Relax. Pray for God’s direction, and 

at the end of this 5-week study, decide whether to 

continue with this group or find another. You don’t 

typically buy the first car you look at or marry the 

first person you date, and the same goes with a 

group. However, don’t bail out before the 5 weeks 

are up—God might have something to teach you. 

Also, don’t run from conflict or prejudge people 

before you have given them a chance. God is still 

working in your life, too! 

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Who is the leader? 

Ideally, the group will mature and members will rotate the 

leadership of meetings. We have discovered that healthy 

groups rotate hosts/leaders and homes on a regular basis. 

This model ensures that all members grow, give their 

unique contribution, and develop their gifts. This study 

guide and the Holy Spirit can keep things on track even 

when you rotate leaders. Christ has promised to be in 

your midst as you gather. Ultimately, God is your leader 

each step of the way. 

How do we handle the childcare needs in our group? 

Very carefully. Seriously, this can be a sensitive issue. We 

suggest that you empower the group to openly brainstorm 

solutions. You may try one option that works for a while 

and then adjust over time. Our favorite approach is for 

adults to meet in the living room or dining room and to 

share the cost of a babysitter (or two) who can watch the 

kids in a different part of the house. This way, parents don’t 

have to be away from their children all evening when their 

children are too young to be left at home. A second option 

is to use one home for the kids and a second home (close 

by or a phone call away) for the adults. A third idea is to 

rotate the responsibility of providing a lesson or care for 

the children either in the same home or in another home 

nearby. This can be an incredible blessing for kids. Finally, 

the most common solution is to decide that you need to 

have a night to invest in your spiritual lives individually 

or as a couple and to make your own arrangements for 

childcare. No matter what decision the group makes, the 

best approach is to dialogue openly about both the problem 

and the solution. 

On the first night of 

your group, like all 

fun things in life— 

have a party! 

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SMALL GROUP AGREEMENT 

OUR PURPOSE 

To provide a predictable environment where participants experience authentic 

community and spiritual growth. 

OUR VALUES 

• Group Attendance 

To give priority to the group meeting. We will call or email if we will 

be late or absent. (Completing the Group Calendar on page 158 will 

minimize this issue.) 

• Safe Environment 

To help create a safe place where people can be heard and feel loved. 

(Please, no quick answers, snap judgments, or simple fixes.) 

• Respect Differences 

To be gentle and gracious to people with different spiritual maturity, 

personal opinions, temperaments, or “imperfections” in fellow 

group members. We are all works in progress. 

• Confidentiality 

To keep anything that is shared strictly confidential and within the 

group, and to avoid sharing improper information about those outside 

the group. 

• Encouragement for Growth 

To be not just takers but givers of life. We want to spiritually multiply 

our life by serving others with our God-given gifts. 

OUR EXPECTATIONS 

• Refreshments/mealtimes 

• Childcare 

• When we will meet (day of week) 

• Where we will meet (place) 

• We will begin at (time) and end at 

• We will do our best to have some or all of us attend a worship 

service together. Our primary worship service time will be 

• Date of this agreement 

• Date we will review this agreement again 

• Who (other than the leader) will review this agreement at the end 

of this study 

• Notes 

• Shared Ownership 

To remember that every member is a minister and to ensure that 

each attender will share a small team role or responsibility over time. 

• Rotating Hosts/Leaders and Homes 

To encourage different people to host the group in their homes and 

to rotate the responsibility of facilitating each meeting. (See the 

Group Calendar on page 158.) 

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GROUP CALENDAR 

Planning and calendaring can help ensure the greatest participation 

at every meeting. At the end of each meeting, review this 

calendar. Be sure to include a regular rotation of host homes and 

leaders, and don’t forget birthdays, socials, church events, holidays, 

and mission/ministry projects. 

SPIRITUAL PARTNERS’ CHECK-IN 

Briefly check in each week and write down your personal plans 

and progress targets for the next week (or even for the next 

few weeks). This could be done before or after the meeting, 

on the phone, through an e-mail message, or even in person 

from time to time. 

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SMALL GROUP ROSTER 

MEMORY VERSE CARDS CLIP AND REVIEW 

SESSION ONE 

We will not hide these truths from our children but 

will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds 

of the Lord. 

Psalm 78:4a (NLT) 

NAME PHONE EMAIL 

SESSION TWO 

Take the time and trouble to keep yourself spiritually 

fit. 

I Timothy 4:7 (Ph) 

SESSION THREE 

Let us examine our ways and test them, and return 

to the Lord. Lamentations 3:40 

SESSION FOUR 

The righteous who walks in His integrity—blessed 

are his children after him! Proverbs 20:7 (ESV) 

SESSION FIVE 

If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at 

peace with everyone. Romans 12:18 

SESSION SIX 

If you need wisdom—if you want to know what God 

wants you to do—ask Him and He will gladly tell 

you. He will not resent you asking. James 1:5 (NLT) 

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PRAYER AND PRAISE REPORT 

Clip and review the memory verses 

on the other side of this page. 

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HOSTING AN OPEN HOUSE 

If you’re starting a new group, try planning an “open house” before 

your first formal group meeting. Even if you have only two to four core 

members, it’s a great way to break the ice and to consider prayerfully 

who else might be open to joining you over the next few weeks. You 

can also use this kick-off meeting to hand out study guides, spend 

some time getting to know each other, discuss each person’s expectations 

for the group and briefly pray for each other. A simple meal or 

good desserts always make a kick-off meeting more fun. 

SMALL 

G R O U P 

LEADERS 

KEY RESOURCES TO 

HELP YOUR LEADERSHIP 

EXPERIENCE BE THE 

BEST IT CAN BE. 

After people introduce themselves and share how they ended up being 

at the meeting (you can play a game to see who has the wildest story!), 

have everyone respond to a few icebreaker questions: 

• What is your favorite family vacation? 

• What is one thing you love about your church/our community? 

• What are three things about your life growing up that most 

people here don’t know? 

Next, ask everyone to tell what he or she hopes to get out of the study. 

You might want to review the Small Group Agreement and talk about 

each person’s expectations and priorities. 

Finally, set an open chair (maybe two) in the center of your group and 

explain that it represents someone who would enjoy or benefit from 

this group but who isn’t here yet. Ask people to pray about inviting 

someone to join the group over the next few weeks. Hand out postcards 

and have everyone write an invitation or two. Don’t worry about 

ending up with too many people; you can always have one discussion 

circle in the living room and another in the dining room after you 

watch the lesson. Each group could then report prayer requests and 

progress at the end of the session. 

You can skip this kick-off meeting if your time is limited, but you’ll 

experience a huge benefit if you take the time to connect with each 

other in this way. 

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165

LEADING FOR THE FIRST TIME 

• Sweaty palms are a healthy sign. The Bible says God is gracious 

to the humble. Remember who is in control; the time 

to worry is when you’re not worried. Those who are soft in 

heart (and sweaty palmed) are those whom God is sure to 

speak through. 

• Seek support. Ask your leader, co-leader, or close friend to 

pray for you and prepare with you before the session. Walking 

through the study will help you anticipate potentially difficult 

questions and discussion topics. 

• Bring your uniqueness to the study. Lean into who you are 

and how God wants you to uniquely lead the study. 

• Prepare. Prepare. Prepare. Go through the session several 

times. If you are using the DVD, listen to the teaching segment 

and Leadership Lifter. Consider writing in a journal or fasting 

for a day to prepare yourself for what God wants to do. Don’t 

wait until the last minute to prepare. 

• Ask for feedback so you can grow. Perhaps in an email or on 

cards handed out at the study, have everyone write down three 

things you did well and one thing you could improve on. Don’t 

get defensive. Instead, show an openness to learn and grow. 

• Use online resources. Visit lifetogether.com and listen to Brett 

Eastman share the weekly Leadership Lifter and download 

any additional notes or ideas for your session. You may also 

want to subscribe to the Doing Life Together newsletter and 

LLT Newsletter. Both can be obtained for free by signing up at 

lifetogether.com/subscribe. 

• Prayerfully consider launching a new group. This doesn’t 

need to happen overnight, but God’s heart is for this to take 

place over time. Not all Christians are called to be leaders 

or teachers, but we are all called to be “shepherds” of 

a few someday. 

• Share with your group what God is doing in your heart. God 

is searching for those whose hearts are fully His. Share your 

trials and victories. We promise that people will relate. 

• Prayerfully consider whom you would like to pass the baton 

to next week. It’s only fair. God is ready for the next member of 

your group to go on the faith journey you just traveled. Make it 

fun, and expect God to do the rest. 

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167

LEADERSHIP 

TRAINING 101 

Congratulations! You have responded to 

the call to help shepherd Jesus’ flock. 

There are few other tasks in the family 

of God that surpass the contribution 

you will be making. As you prepare to 

lead, whether it is one session or the 

entire series, here are a few thoughts to 

keep in mind. We encourage you to read 

these and review them with each new 

discussion leader before he or she leads. 

1. Remember that you are not alone. God knows 

everything about you, and He knew that you 

would be asked to lead your group. Remember 

that it is common for all good leaders to feel that 

they are not ready to lead. Moses, Solomon, Jeremiah 

and Timothy were all reluctant to lead. 

God promises, “Never will I leave you; never will 

I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). Whether you are 

leading for one evening, for several weeks, or for 

a lifetime, you will be blessed as you serve. 

2. Don’t try to do it alone. Pray right now for God 

to help you build a healthy leadership team. If 

you can enlist a co-leader to help you lead the 

group, you will find your experience to be much 

richer. This is your chance to involve as many 

people as you can in building a healthy group. 

All you have to do is call and ask people to help. 

You’ll probably be surprised at the response. 

3. Just be yourself. If you won’t be you, who will? 

God wants you to use your unique gifts and 

temperament. Don’t try to do things exactly 

like another leader; do them in a way that fits 

you! Just admit it when you don’t have an answer, 

and apologize when you make a mistake. 

Your group will love you for it, and you’ll sleep 

better at night! 

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4. Prepare for your meeting ahead of time. Review the session 

and the leader’s notes, and write down your responses to each 

question. Pay special attention to exercises that ask group 

members to do something other than engage in discussion. 

These exercises will help your group live what the Bible teaches, 

not just talk about it. Be sure you understand how an exercise 

works, and bring any necessary supplies (such as paper 

and pens) to your meeting. If the exercise employs one of the 

items in the appendix, be sure to look over that item so you’ll 

know how it works. Finally, review “Outline for Each Session” 

so you’ll remember the purpose of each section in the study. 

5. Pray for your group members by name. Before you begin your 

session, go around the room in your mind and pray for each 

member by name. You may want to review the prayer list at 

least once a week. Ask God to use your time together to touch 

the heart of every person uniquely. Expect God to lead you to 

whomever He wants you to encourage or challenge in a special 

way. If you listen, God will surely lead! 

6. When you ask a question, be patient. Someone will eventually 

respond. Sometimes people need a moment or two of 

silence to think about the question. Keep in mind, if silence 

doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother anyone else. After someone 

responds, affirm the response with a simple “thanks” or 

“good job.” Then ask, “How about somebody else?” or “Would 

someone who hasn’t shared like to add anything?” Be sensitive 

to new people or reluctant members who aren’t ready to say, 

pray or do anything. If you give them a safe setting, they will 

blossom over time. 

7. Provide transitions between questions. When guiding the discussion, 

always read aloud the transitional paragraphs and 

the questions. Ask the group if anyone would like to read the 

paragraph or Bible passage. Don’t call on anyone, but ask for a 

volunteer, and then be patient until someone begins. Be sure to 

thank the person who reads aloud. 

8. Break up into small groups each week or they won’t stay. If your 

group has more than seven people, we strongly encourage you 

to have the group gather sometimes in discussion circles of 

three or four people during the Hear God’s Story section of 

the study. With a greater opportunity to talk in a small circle, 

people will connect more with the study, apply more quickly 

what they’re learning and ultimately get more out of it. A small 

circle also encourages a quiet person to participate and tends 

to minimize the effects of a more vocal or dominant member. 

It can also help people feel more loved in your group. When 

you gather again at the end of the section, you can have one 

person summarize the highlights from each circle. Small circles 

are also helpful during prayer time. People who are unaccustomed 

to praying aloud will feel more comfortable trying it 

with just two or three others. Also, prayer requests won’t take 

as much time, so circles will have more time to actually pray. 

When you gather back with the whole group, you can have one 

person from each circle briefly update everyone on the prayer 

requests. People are more willing to pray in small circles if they 

know that the whole group will hear all the prayer requests. 

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9. Rotate facilitators weekly. At the end of each meeting, ask the 

group who should lead the following week. Let the group help 

select your weekly facilitator. You may be perfectly capable of 

leading each time, but you will help others grow in their faith 

and gifts if you give them opportunities to lead. You can use 

the Small Group Calendar to fill in the names of all meeting 

leaders at once if you prefer. 

One final challenge 

for new or first-time leaders: 

Before your first opportunity 

to lead, look up each of the 

five passages listed below. 

Read each one as a devotional 

exercise to help yourself 

develop a shepherd’s heart. 

Trust us on this one. If you do 

this, you will be more than 

ready for your first meeting. 

Matthew 9:36 

1 Peter 5:2-4 

Psalm 23 

Ezekiel 34:11-16 

1 Thessalonians 2:7-8, 11-12 

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173

In June of 2000, Jim and Jennifer Cowart, along with their 

young children Alyssa and Josh, were sent by the United 

Methodist Church to plant a new church in Middle Georgia. 

With no congregation, building, or land, the Cowart’s began 

Harvest Church as just an idea from God. That idea has now 

grown into over 2900 people each weekend. 

A B O U T 

T H E 

AUTHORS 

JIM & JENNIFER 

COWART 

From small beginnings in a band room, through five years 

in a movie theater, to a beautiful 43-acre campus on the outskirts 

of Warner Robins, Harvest Church has seen more than 

2800 people accept Jesus as Savior. (In 

fact, Outreach Magazine included Harvest 

in their “Top 100 Fastest Growing 

Churches in America” for 2009, 

2010 and 2014.) 

The Cowart’s take the phrase “every 

member in ministry” seriously as 

they encourage every attender to do 

three things weekly: serve on a ministry 

team, attend worship, and join a 

community group. 

Harvest 

Church has 

seen more 

than 2800 

people 

accept Jesus 

as Savior. 

Jim is a visionary evangelist and serves at Harvest as Lead 

and Founding Pastor. Jen is the Executive Pastor and excels 

in developing systems of ministry and leadership. Their deep 

commitment to living out the Great Commandment and 

Great Commission led them to write their first book, “Start 

This, Stop That,” which was released in 2013. Jim and Jen 

approach ministry the way they approach life—with a deep 

commitment to Christ, each other, and joy in the journey. 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS 

about the authors 

175

WORSHIP SONGS 

ALIVE 

(King, Pappas) 

I was lost with a broken heart 

You picked me up, now I’m set apart 

From the ash I am born again 

Forever safe in the Savior’s hands 

You are more than my 

words could say 

I’ll follow You Lord for all my days 

I’ll fix my eyes, follow in Your ways 

Forever free in unending grace 

‘Cause You are, You are, You 

are my freedom 

We lift You higher, lift You higher 

Your love, Your love, Your 

love never ending 

Oh oh oh 

You are alive in us 

Nothing can take Your place 

You are all we need 

Your love has set us free 

In the midst of the darkest night 

Let Your love be the shining light 

Breaking chains that were holding me 

You sent Your Son down 

and set me free 

Everything of this world will fade 

I’m pressing on till I see Your face 

I will live that Your will be done 

I won’t stop till Your Kingdom come 

IT IS WELL 

(Bethel) 

Grander earth has quaked before 

Moved by the sound of His voice 

Seas that are shaken and stirred 

Can be calmed and 

broken for my regard 

Through it all, through it all 

My eyes are on You 


It is well 


My eyes are on You 

It is well with me 

Far be it from me to not believe 

Even when my eyes can’t see 

And this mountain that’s 

in front of me 

Will be thrown into the 

midst of the sea 

So let go my soul and trust in Him 

The waves and wind 

still know His name 

It is well with my soul 




OPEN UP THE HEAVENS 

(Macdonald, Ingram, Garrard, Rozier, 

Andrews) 

We’ve waited for this day 

We’re gathered in your name 

Calling out to you 

Your glory like a fire 

Awakening desire 

Will burn our hearts with truth 

You’re the reason we’re here 

You’re the reason we’re singing 

Open up the heavens 

We want to see you 

Open up the floodgates 

A mighty river 

Flowing from your heart 

Filling every part of our praise 

Your presence in this place 

Your glory on our face 

We’re looking to the sky 

Descending like a cloud 

You’re standing with us now 

Lord, unveil our eyes 

Show us, show us your glory 

Show us, show us your power 

Show us, show us your glory, Lord 

RUN 

(Houston) 

You were God from the outset 

Powerful and creative 

You who saw us here before You called 

All the stars and the earth to existence 

You are God, You are holy 

History is Your story 

You who was and is and who 

forever will be 

God we live for Your glory 

So we will run 

All together our hearts aflame 

With a fire that can’t be tamed 

Our God, all glory to Your name Jesus 

You are God, You are freedom 

You’re alive now within us 

You who saw us here before 

You conquered the grave 

And delivered on the promise 

We will run 

Our surrender to bring You fame 

Our desire that You be praised 

Our God, all glory to Your name Jesus 

We give you praise 

Oh Lord, so great is Your name 

You’re worthy of all our praise 

We will run 

Our surrender to bring You fame 

Our desire that You be praised 

Our God, all glory to Your 

name Jesus, Jesus 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS 

worship song lyrics 

177

THE ROCK WON’T MOVE 

(Miller, Sooter, 

Fredricks, MacDonald) 

When the ground beneath my 

feet gives way 

And I hear the sound of 

crashing waves 

All my world is washing out to sea. 

I’m hidden safe in the God 

who never moves 

Holding fast to the 

promise of Your truth 

You are holding tighter still to me. 

Oh, the Rock won’t move and His 

word is strong 

The Rock won’t move and His love 

can’t be undone 

The Rock of our salvation 

My hope is in the 

promise of Your blood 

My support within the raging flood 

Even in the tempest, I can sing 

Whoa, whoa, whoa 

The Rock of our salvation 

On Christ the solid rock I stand 

All other ground is sinking sand 

The Rock won’t move 

YOU CAME TO MY RESCUE 

(Nockels, Weeks, Pike, Mhondera, 

Carson, Younker Tomlin) 

Freedom is a song I sing 

I can’t contain the joy You bring 

All because of Your great love 

Now I live 

I was dead, but now I breathe 

Awaken to Your grace so free 

In the power of Your cross 

Now I live 

Salvation, my freedom 

You gave Your all for me 

Forever You made a way for me 

And You came to my rescue 

You came to my rescue 

Calling on Your name 

Calling on Your name 

Love came down 

You’re the light in the darkest night 

You lead me through the 

storm and fire 

When all around my hope gives way 

You’re my rock 

You taught me how to sing Your song 

You’ve overwhelmed me 

with Your love 

You set my feet to dancing now 

You’re my God 

NOTES 

And when darkness seems 

to hide His face 

I rest on His unchanging grace. 

The Rock won’t move 

No, the Rock won’t move 

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notes 

179

NOTES 

“WE WILL NOT HIDE THESE TRUTHS 

FROM OUR CHILDREN BUT WILL TELL 

THE NEXT GENERATION ABOUT THE 

GLORIOUS DEEDS OF THE LORD.” 

Psalm 78:4a (NLT) 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS notes 

181

NOTES 

“TAKE THE TIME AND TROUBLE TO 

KEEP YOURSELF SPIRITUALLY FIT.” 

I Timothy 4:7 (Ph) 

182 


183

NOTES 

“LET US EXAMINE OUR WAYS 

AND TEST THEM, AND RETURN TO 

THE LORD.” 

Lamentations 3:40 

184 


185

NOTES 

“THE RIGHTEOUS WHO WALKS 

IN HIS INTEGRITY—BLESSED 

ARE HIS CHILDREN AFTER HIM! 

Proverbs 20:7 (ESV) 

186 


187

NOTES 

IF IT IS POSSIBLE, AS FAR AS IT 

DEPENDS ON YOU, LIVE AT PEACE 

WITH EVERYONE. 

Romans 12:18 

188 


189

“IF YOU NEED WISDOM—IF YOU WANT TO 

KNOW WHAT GOD WANTS YOU TO DO—ASK 

HIM AND HE WILL GLADLY TELL YOU. HE 

WILL NOT RESENT YOU ASKING.” 

James 1:5 (NLT) 

DON’T STOP NOW! 

KEEP DIGGING INTO GOD’S WORD. THESE STUDIES ARE 

AVAILABLE FROM JIM AND JEN COWART. 

www.harvestchurch4u.org 

www.jimandjennifercowart.org 

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HAND-ME-DOWNS

COMING SOON! 

WORSHIP DVD AND BOOK

Hand Me Downs

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