40-Day Challenge

CONTENTS 

WELCOME 6 

USING THIS WORKBOOK (READ THIS FIRST) 8 

OUTLINE FOR EACH SESSION 10 

SESSION ONE: RIGHT-SIDE UP OR UPSIDE DOWN 14 

SESSION TWO: THE CLASH OF TWO KINGDOMS 30 

Copyright © 2015 by First Methodist Mansfield 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

Published by First Methodist Mansfield 

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, or 

transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, 

recording, or otherwise—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without 

the prior written permission of the publisher. 

Copyright and use of the curriculum template is retained by Brett Eastman. 

Unless otherwise noted, all scripture quotes are taken from the HOLY BIBLE, 

NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 and 2011 by 

Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. 

ISBN 978-1-940077-77-2 

Printed in the United States of America 

SESSION THREE: TRUSTING IN GOD’S GOODNESS 44 

SESSION FOUR: DEALING WITH DESIRE 58 

SESSION FIVE: ACCEPTING THAT WE ARE TEMPORARY 72 

SESSION SIX: DYING TO LIVE 86 

40 DAILY CHALLENGES 100 

APPENDICES 

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS 111 

SMALL GROUP AGREEMENT 114 

SMALL GROUP CALENDAR 116 

SPIRITUAL PARTNERS 117 

MEMORY VERSE CARDS (CLIP AND REVIEW) 118 

SMALL GROUP LEADERS 

HOSTING AN OPEN HOUSE 121 

LEADING FOR THE FIRST TIME 122 

LEADERSHIP TRAINING 124 

PRAYER AND PRAISE REPORT 126 

SMALL GROUP ROSTER 128 

NOTES 129

HE MUST BECOME GREATER; 

I MUST BECOME LESS. 

JOHN 3:30 (NIV2011)

WELCOME 

FROM DAVID ALEXANDER 

I’m so glad you are joining us for this study with your small group. This 

series will take us on a journey together for a season of 40 days. 

There is an obvious pattern throughout scripture that highlights a 40- 

day period as a time of testing. Moses, Elijah, Ezekiel, and Jonah all lived 

through 40-day trials. Jesus spent 40 days in the wilderness following His 

baptism. It’s not surprising that the early Christians adopted this 40-day 

concept as a way to commemorate the death and resurrection of Jesus. This 

40-day season leading up to Easter is now referred to as the season of Lent. 

The earliest expressions of Lent was a time of prayer and preparation for 

new Christians who would experience their baptism at sunrise on Easter. 

On the day that Jesus was raised to life, new Christians would celebrate 

their own new birth. 

Here is what I want you to remember: forty is a number with biblical 

significance. 

The practice of establishing a window of time in which we intentionally 

dedicate ourselves to prayer and reflection is one of the earliest practices 

of the Christian faith. 

Participating in this study is an invitation to experience Christ in an even 

more full way in your own life. 

Our emphasis is on one singular verse of scripture that we find in the Gospel 

of John: “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30). 

We’re going to explore what John the Baptist meant by that statement and 

discuss how it applies to our lives. 

What we decide may take 40 days to clarify, but it will take a lifetime to live. 

Let’s do it together. 

Grace & Peace, 

Rev. David Alexander 

6 40-DAY CHALLENGE 

welcome 7

1. Notice in the Table of Contents there are 

three sections: Sessions and 40 Daily 

Challenges; Appendices; and Small Group 

Leaders. Familiarize yourself with the 

Appendices. Some of them will be used in 

the sessions themselves. 

USING THIS WORKBOOK 

TOOLS TO HELP YOU HAVE A GREAT SMALL GROUP EXPERIENCE! 

2. If you are facilitating/leading or coleading 

a small group, the section Small 

Group Leaders will give you some hardlearned 

experiences of others that will 

encourage you and help you avoid many 

common obstacles to effective small 

group leadership. 

3. Use this workbook as a guide. If the group 

responds to the lesson in an unexpected 

but honest way, go with that. If you think 

of a better question than the next one 

in the lesson, ask it. Take to heart the 

insights included in the Frequently Asked 

Questions pages and the Small Group 

Leaders section. 

4. Enjoy your small group experience. 

5. Pray before each session—for your group 

members, for your time together, or 

wisdom and insights. 

6. Read the Outline for Each Session on the 

next pages so that you understand how the 

sessions will flow. 


Using this workbook 9

OUTLINE 

OF 

EACH 

SESSION 

A TYPICAL GROUP 

SESSION FOR THE 

40-DAY CHALLENGE 

STUDY WILL INCLUDE 

THE FOLLOWING 

SECTIONS: 

WEEKLY MEMORY VERSES. 

Each session opens with a memory verse that emphasizes an important 

truth from the session. This is an optional exercise, but we believe that 

memorizing scripture can be a vital part of filling our minds with God’s 

truth. We encourage you to give this important habit a try. The verses for 

our six sessions are also listed in the appendix. 

INTRODUCTION. 

Each lesson opens with a brief thought that will help you prepare for the 

session and get you thinking about the particular subject you will explore 

with your group. Make it a practice to read these before the session. 

COME TOGETHER. 

The foundation for spiritual growth is an intimate connection with God and 

God’s family. You build that connection by sharing your experience with a 

few people who really know you and who earn your trust. This is helpful 

preparation for being able to share what Christ has done in your life with 

anyone you meet—which is what a disciple is ready to do. This section 

includes some simple questions to get you talking—letting you share as 

much or as little of your story as you feel comfortable doing. Each session 

typically offers you two options. You can get to know your whole group by 

using the icebreaker question(s), or you can check in with one or two group 

members, your spiritual partner(s), for a deeper connection and encouragement 

in your spiritual journey. 

GROW TOGETHER. 

In this section, you’ll read the Bible 

and listen to teaching, in order to hear 

God’s story—and begin to see how His 

story aligns with your story. When the 

study directs you to, you will start the 

video and watch a short teaching segment. 

You will then have an opportunity 

to read a passage of scripture, 

and discuss both the teaching and the 

text. The focus of this time is not on 

accumulating information but on how 

you can go deeper in your life with 

God. We want to help you apply the insights 

from scripture practically and 

creatively, from your heart as well as 

your head. At the end of the day, allowing 

the timeless truths from God’s 

Word to transform our lives in Christ 

should be your greatest aim. 

STUDY NOTES. 

This section provides additional 

commentary, background or insights 

on the passage you will study in the 

Grow Together section. 



SERVE TOGETHER. 

God wants you to be a part of God’s Kingdom—to weave your story into 

God’s story. That will mean change. It will require you to go God’s way 

rather than your own. This will not happen overnight, but it should 

happen steadily. By making small, simple choices, we can begin to 

change our direction. This is where the Bible’s instructions to “be 

doers of the Word, not just hearers” (James 1:22) comes into play. 

Many people skip over this aspect of the Christian life because it’s 

scary, relationally awkward, or simply too much work for their busy 

schedules. But Jesus wanted all of His disciples to know him personally, 

carry out His commands, and help others connect with him. This 

doesn’t necessarily mean preaching on street corners. It could mean 

welcoming newcomers, hosting a short-term group in your home, or 

walking through this study with a friend. In this study, you’ll have an 

opportunity to go beyond Bible study to biblical living. 

SHARE AND WORSHIP TOGETHER. 

This section will have a question or two that will challenge you to live 

out your faith by serving others, sharing your faith, and worshiping God. 

There will be suggestions for different ways to worship together and thank 

God for what God is doing among you and ways you can end the session 

in His presence. 

DAILY CHALLENGES. 

Each week you will be directed to the section in the workbook that includes 

the 40 Daily Challenges to break down the big issues we are thinking about 

into smaller, practical actions/decisions. These may include some scriptures 

to read and reflect on between sessions. These daily challenges will 

provide you with a chance to slow down, consider a practical step to take 

each day, and reflect and pray through it. You will then have a chance to 

journal your experience. Use this section to seek God on your own throughout 

the week. This time at home should begin and end with prayer. Try not 

to be in a hurry. Take enough time to hear God’s direction. 



SESSION ONE 

RIGHT-SIDE UP OR 

UPSIDE DOWN 

MEMORY VERSE: 

“HE MUST BECOME GREATER; 

I MUST BECOME LESS.” 

JOHN 3:30 

WELCOME TO THIS 40-DAY CHALLENGE. 

It’s exciting to see what God is doing through small 

groups in our church. We trust this six-week journey 

will be a Christ-centered, God-honoring experience 

of greater discipleship in your life. Look for ways 

to encourage those around you to join you in acknowledging 

the greatness of Jesus and the “lessness” 

of ourselves. Review the 40 Daily Challenges 

on page 100 to find practical ways of incorporating 

this idea into your life. 


session one 15

COME TOGETHER 

Open your group with prayer. Rotate this 

duty from week to week with those who are 

comfortable praying out loud. 

15 MINS. 

WATCH THE VIDEO TEACHING FOR THIS SESSION NOW. 

The videos for this series are also available online at 

https://vimeo.com/channels/40daychallenge. 

We have provided space for notes below, so you can record any key thoughts 

or questions you want to remember or follow up on. After watching the video, 

have someone read the scripture passage and the discussion questions 

in the Grow Together section, and direct discussion within the group. As you 

go through each of the subsequent sections, ask someone else to read the 

questions and direct the discussion. 

1. When you hear the word Challenge, what comes to mind? 

2. Has anyone had a positive or negative experience connected 

with a challenge that you’d be willing to share? 

3. Whether your group is new or ongoing, it is always important 

to reflect on and review your values together. On pages 112– 

113 there is a Small Group Agreement with the values we’ve 

found most useful in sustaining healthy, balanced groups. 

We recommend that you choose one or two values—ones you 

have not previously focused on or have room to grow in—to 

emphasize during this study. Choose ones that will take your 

group to the next stage of depth and spiritual health. 

a. If your group is new, you may want to focus on welcoming 

newcomers or on sharing group ownership. Any group will 

quickly move from being the leader’s group to our group, if 

everyone understands the goals of the group and shares 

a small role. 

b. We have come to realize that healthy groups rotate leadership. 

This helps to develop every member’s ability to 

shepherd a few people in a safe environment. Even Jesus 

gave others the opportunity to serve alongside him (Mark 

6:30–44). Look at the FAQs in the Appendix for additional 

information about hosting or leading the group. 


session one 17

GROW TOGETHER 

As Pastor David said, our entire 40-day 

challenge will revolve around a simple 

statement John the Baptist made about Jesus: 

“He must become greater; I must become less.” 

In a world where “more” is almost always 

considered better and “less” is almost always 

considered worse, we’re going to have to 

stay on our toes to avoid jumping to certain 

conclusions in the way we use these words. In 

fact, maybe we will finally discover that “less 

is more” actually makes a lot of sense! 

20 MINS. 

PASTOR DAVID GAVE SOME BACKGROUND ABOUT JOHN AND 

THEN FOCUSED ON THE WAY HIS RESPONSE “HE MUST BECOME 

GREATER; I MUST BECOME LESS” REVEALS A PROFOUND SENSE 

OF HUMILITY AND SUBMISSION. HE THEN OFFERED THE 

BACKGROUND QUESTION FOR THIS SESSION: IS IT POSSIBLE 

THAT WE ARE LIVING OUR LIVES UPSIDE DOWN? 

What are some of the 

characteristics of an 

upside-down life? 

READ: JOHN 3:22-30 

After this, Jesus and his disciples went out into the Judean 

countryside, where he spent some time with them, and 

baptized. Now John also was baptizing at Aenon near 

Salim, because there was plenty of water, and people were 

constantly coming to be baptized. (This was before John was 

put in prison.) 

An argument developed between some of John’s disciples and 

a certain Jew over the matter of ceremonial washing. They 

came to John and said to him, “Rabbi, that man who was with 

you on the other side of the Jordan—the one you testified 

about—well, he is baptizing, and everyone is going to him.” 

To this John replied, “A person can receive only what is given 

them from heaven. You yourselves can testify that I said, ‘I am 

not the Messiah but am sent ahead of him.’ The bride belongs 

to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom 

waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the 

bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 

He must become greater; I must become less.” 

In the Bible passage we 

just read, what examples of 

humility and submission do you 

see in John? How are these two 

qualities apparent in a person? 


session one 19

In what other ways do you think 

John was living a right-side up 

kind of life? 

How do you think someone 

would recognize they were 

living an upside-down life? 

Pastor David quoted C.S. Lewis’ 

statement, “True humility is 

not thinking less of yourself; 

it is thinking of yourself 

less.” What was Lewis’ point? 

How do you see this in John 

the Baptist? 

MAYBE WE WILL FINALLY 

DISCOVER THAT “LESS IS 

MORE” ACTUALLY MAKES 

A LOT OF SENSE! 

In launching the 40-day 

challenge, Pastor David 

reaffirmed a favorite 

statement: A faith that has 

not been tested is a faith that 

cannot be trusted. Why do you 

think it will be important to 

remember these words in the 

weeks to come? 


session one 21

STUDY NOTES 

This section provides additional commentary, background, 

or insights to use as you study the Bible passage in the 


AFTER THIS. 

The episode with John the Baptist is frequently lost in this 

chapter because the “After this” refers to the first 19 verses 

containing the story of Nicodemus and his beginning as a 

follower of Jesus. 

A PERSON CAN RECEIVE ONLY WHAT IS GIVEN THEM 

FROM HEAVEN. 

John was fully aware of his unique and specific role, given 

by God for that moment in time. He was living out his responsibilities 

without asking for more or ever assuming he 

deserved more. 

“THAT JOY IS MINE, AND IT IS NOW COMPLETE.” 

John was telling his disciples it had been a great privilege to 

serve as Christ’s herald, and it was now a privilege to watch 

him emerge for his own ministry. He realized his job was over. 


session one 23

SERVE TOGETHER 

One significant aspect of 40-day experience is the 

corporate aspect of living through these weeks 

alongside others. The life of faith is a shared 

experience rather than an individualized one. We 

will serve one another throughout these weeks to 

heighten our awareness of the weight of the cross 

and the opportunities we have to bear one another’s 

burdens. Here are some starting places: 

15 MINS. 

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CIRCLES OF LIFE DIAGRAM BELOW AND 

WRITE THE NAMES OF TWO OR THREE PEOPLE YOU KNOW 

WHO MAY BENEFIT FROM A DEEPER RELATIONSHIP WITH 

GOD. COMMIT TO PRAYING FOR GOD’S GUIDANCE AND AN 

OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE WITH EACH OF THEM. 

1. Pastor David pointed out that both John and Jesus faced a similar 

challenge at the height of their ministry when things seemed about to 

change radically and the followers didn’t like the idea. When something 

is working, why is it so hard to change or even consider changes? 

2. It might be noted that every time a new person joins a small group, the 

group changes, and it might even feel like the group loses something. 

How would a small group practice John’s statement: “He must become 

greater; I must become less” in the way we welcome others or even 

split up to create more groups? 


session one 25

Developing our ability to serve God according to 

the leading of the Holy Spirit takes time and persistence 

in getting to know God. We must take 

time in prayer, in God’s word, and in meditation 

to let God speak to us daily. As you read through 

these, which of the following next steps are you 

willing to take for the next few weeks? 

PRAYER. 

Commit to personal prayer and daily connection 

with God. You may find it helpful to write your 

prayers in a journal. 

PRAY 

CONTINUALLY 

1 THESSALONIANS 5:17 (NIV2011) 

DAILY CHALLENGES. 

The daily challenges provided for the 40 days of 

this study are an opportunity for you to experience, 

“He must become greater, and I must become 

less.” Some are more challenging than others, but 

try as many as you can. As you engage in these, 

write down your insights and experiences. 

MEDITATION. 

Try meditation as a way of internalizing God’s word 

more deeply. Copy a portion of scripture on a card 

and tape it somewhere in your line of sight, such 

as your car’s dashboard or the kitchen table. Think 

about it when you sit at stop lights, or while you’re 

eating a meal. Reflect on what God is saying to you 

through these words. 


session one 27

SHARE AND 

WORSHIP TOGETHER 

Group members may be hesitant, reluctant, 

or excited about this 40-day challenge during 

this time in their busy lives. Pull them back 

together for this final segment. 

10 MINS. 

1. Allow everyone to answer this question: “How can 

we pray for you this week?” Be sure to write prayer 

requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on 

page 124. 

2. What kind of worship fits your group? Spend a few 

minutes worshiping God together. Here are two ideas: 

a. Have someone use their musical gifts to lead the 

group in a worship song focused on the theme of 

discipleship. 

b. Try singing a cappella, using a worship CD, or 

have someone accompany your singing with a 

musical instrument. 

3. Read a passage of scripture together, making it a 

time of praise and worship as the words remind you 

of all God has done for you. Choose a psalm or other 

favorite verse. 

4. Encourage your group members to incorporate the 

daily challenges in their lives this week. These will 

offer reinforcement of the principles we are learning, 

and develop or strengthen your habit of time alone 

with God throughout the week. 

DAILY CHALLENGES 

Each day, read one of the 40 Daily 

Challenges that begin on page 100 and give 

prayerful consideration to how you might 

take that small step in your life. Take some 

specific action. Then record your thoughts, 

insights, or prayer in the Reflect section 

below the daily challenge description. 


session one 29

SESSION TWO 

THE CLASH OF 

TWO KINGDOMS 

MEMORY VERSE: 

“WHOEVER WANTS TO BE MY DISCIPLE MUST 

DENY THEMSELVES AND TAKE UP THEIR CROSS 

DAILY AND FOLLOW ME. FOR WHOEVER WANTS 

TO SAVE THEIR LIFE WILL LOSE IT, BUT WHOEVER 

LOSES THEIR LIFE FOR ME WILL SAVE IT.” 

LUKE 9:23-24 (NIV2011) 

WELCOME BACK TO THIS WEEK’S STUDY IN THE 

40-DAY CHALLENGE. 

We’re going to be doing some thinking about kingdoms 

in this session. The fact that we don’t live in a monarchy 

makes it a little difficult for us to immediately relate to 

the term. We know Jesus talked a lot about the Kingdom 

of God, but we may not have a very clear idea about where 

that is and what our role is in it. We need to add “kingdom” 

to our thinking and living to better understand Jesus’ 

teachings. Here’s one way to describe what God has 

done for us: “For he has rescued us from the dominion 

[kingdom] of darkness and brought us into the kingdom 

of the Son he loves” (Colossians 1:13). 


session two 31

COME TOGETHER 

Open your group with prayer. 

15 MINS. 










1. Before we hear from Pastor David, let’s take a few minutes to 

think about kingdoms. Have everyone name kingdoms they 

know of, past or present. What would you say it means to live 

in a kingdom like England? 

2. Based on history you’ve studied, novels you’ve read, or movies 

you’ve seen, what would be one reason life in a kingdom might 

be better than life in a democracy? 

3. Most people want to live a healthy, balanced life. A regular 

medical check-up is a good way to measure health and spot 

potential problems. In the same way, a spiritual check-up is 

vital to your spiritual well-being. Pair up with another person 

(men with men/women with women) and briefly share one 

personal challenge you are currently experiencing. Make a 

note on the Spiritual Partner’s Check-In on page 115. You will 

touch base with this person each week. 


session two 33

GROW TOGETHER 

So, as Pastor David made it clear, it’s easy to 

equate the kingdom of God with heaven rather 

than thinking about how God’s kingdom might 

be present here and now. We are going to 

delve a little more into the main scripture for 

the lesson. 

20 MINS. 

In his teaching, Pastor David 

said, “I can remember in my 

early readings of the Gospels 

making the assumption that in 

each of these instances, Jesus 

must have been talking about 

heaven, that future place we 

believe we get to experience 

someday when our earthly 

existence comes to a close.” 

How have you pictured the 

“kingdom of God” to this point? 

READ: MATTHEW 6:9-13 AND 6:31-34 

“This, then, is how you should pray: “ ‘Our Father in heaven, 

hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be 

done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily 

bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our 

debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from 

the evil one.’” 

“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall 

we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after 

all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you 

need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, 

and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore 

do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about 

itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” 

When you hear the definition: 

“The Kingdom of God is the 

place where God’s will is done” 

how does it change the way 

you pray the Lord’s Prayer, 

especially the line about the 

kingdom? 


session two 35

Note also the second passage, 

“Seek the kingdom” implies 

we can find examples of it as 

we move through life. How do 

we know if we’ve spotted the 

kingdom in action? 

BUT SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM 

AND HIS RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND 

ALL THESE THINGS WILL BE GIVEN 

TO YOU AS WELL. 

MATTHEW 6:33 

In each Bible passage 

above, “kingdom” is paired 

with something else: 

“God’s will” and “God’s 

righteousness.” How do “will” 

and “righteousness” help us 

understand the character of 

God’s kingdom? 


session two 37

STUDY NOTES 




THIS, THEN IS HOW YOU SHOULD PRAY. 

This prayer is part of the extended passage from Matthew 5:1 

to 7:27, known as the Sermon on the Mount. It may be three or 

four pages of red type in your Bible, indicating Jesus’ words. 

It’s worth remembering that Jesus wasn’t establishing a rote 

prayer to be mindlessly repeated; He was showing a pattern 

and framework for what should be included in prayer. 

OUR FATHER. 

Among the implications of this opening, besides the intimacy 

with God that it can allow, is the realization that our heavenly 

father is also the King. We are praying as members of the royal 

family with access to the highest authority. 

YOUR KINGDOM COME. 

As Pastor David indicated, we often pray this, hoping heaven 

will arrive rather than asking for an immediate state of affairs 

where God’s will is done today. And the place where this might 

be most immediately true is in our own lives. 

BUT SEEK FIRST HIS KINGDOM AND HIS 

RIGHTEOUSNESS. 

In the broader context of Jesus’ teaching about worry, He is 

saying that an effective way to avoid the distractions and disappointments 

of the world is to first and always look for where 

God is working. Look for where God’s will is being done. This 

is sometimes in the most unexpected places. 


session two 39


Again, it’s important to remember that the body 

of Christ and the kingdom of God is a shared 

experience rather than just an individualized one. 

We serve one another so that others benefit, but 

we do too. An authentic citizen of the kingdom 

makes his or her own contribution to the life of the 

kingdom even as she or he is relying on the rest of 

the kingdom to sustain them. 

One of the keys to healthy application of our 

learning is to realize that when God teaches us 

something, living out that lesson will almost always 

involve other people. Note how the following 

questions move you in that direction. 

15 MINS. 

2. Have you noticed a recent example of a situation or relationship that 

was kingdom oriented; one in which God’s will was clearly being done? 

3. How are some of the 40 Daily Challenges opportunities to see the kingdom 

come more authentically in our lives or seek it out as we move 

through the world? 

1. How can praying for the kingdom to come to our present reality affect 

our daily lives? 

4. What are some obstacles in wanting God’s will to be done or in being 

able to see the kingdom in action around us? What makes it hard for 

you to keep a kingdom mindset? 

40 40-DAY CHALLENGE 

session two 41

SHARE AND 


Group members may be thoughtful or eager 

to get on with kingdom living for this next 

week. But pull them back together for this 

final segment. 

10 MINS. 

1. Allow everyone to answer this question: “How can 

we pray for you this week?” Be sure to write prayer 

requests on your Prayer and Praise Report on 

page 124. 

2. What kind of worship fits your group? Spend a few 

minutes worshiping God together. Here are two ideas: 



discipleship. 

b. Try singing a cappella, using a worship CD, or 

have someone accompany your singing with a 

musical instrument. 

3. Read a passage of scripture together, making it a 

time of praise and worship as the words remind you 

of all God has done for you. Choose a psalm or other 

favorite verse. 

4. Encourage your group members to incorporate the 

daily challenges in their daily lives this week. These 

will offer reinforcement of the principles we are 

learning, and develop or strengthen your habit of time 

alone with God throughout the week. 









5. Ask a volunteer to close the meeting in prayer. 


session two 43

WELCOME BACK TO OUR 40-DAY 

CHALLENGE SERIES. 

SESSION THREE 

TRUSTING IN 

GOD’S GOODNESS 

MEMORY VERSE (REPRISE): 

“HE MUST BECOME GREATER; 

I MUST BECOME LESS.” 

JOHN 3:30 (NIV2011) 

Last week we got a major dose of the kingdom of God! 

Hopefully it helped us realize how much is at stake 

during these days, seeking a healthier view of ourselves 

as Christ-followers. We’re using a repeat memory verse 

this week to emphasize the theme of these forty days. 

The “He” in “He must become greater” is Jesus who is 

King of kings. He is Lord of the kingdom we are seeking 

and praying will come. 

One of the reasons John could humble himself and accept 

the role of being less was because he understood 

what we want to grasp more firmly in this session—the 

goodness of God. Sometimes our reluctance to trust 

God with certain aspects of our lives boils down to our 

uncertainty about God’s goodness. But the sobering fact 

of the matter is that we won’t trust God until we realize 

God is good, and always has our best interests at heart. 


session three 45

COME TOGETHER 

Open your group with prayer. Ask someone who 

hasn’t prayed in the group yet. 

15 MINS. 










1. Now that we’re two weeks into the daily challenges, it might 

be good to share with each other how it’s going. Since we’re 

in this 40-day challenge together, let’s share a challenge we 

took on and how it has been working out. 

2. What have you discovered in the past two weeks about upsidedown 

living and seeking the kingdom of God out there in 

the world? 

3. Take a few minutes to share with your spiritual partner. If 

your partner is absent or if you are new to the group, join 

with another pair or someone who does not yet have a partner. 

If you have not established your spiritual partnership yet, 

do it now. (Refer to the Session Two, Come Together section 

for help.) 


session three 47

GROW TOGETHER 

Pastor David began by sharing an experience that 

looked like a terrible ordeal and in fact wasn’t easy, 

but turned out to be a lasting lesson about the 

goodness of God. This goodness transcends even the 

most difficult situations and experiences we 

might go through. 

Let’s look closer at the passage of scripture Pastor 

David shared to illustrate that life is going to demand 

we clarify whether or not we really believe that God 

is good. 

READ: MATTHEW 14:22-33 (NIV2011) 

Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of 

him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed 

them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, 

he was there alone, and the boat was already a considerable distance from 

land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. 

Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the 

disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” 

they said, and cried out in fear. 

But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” 

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” 

20 MINS. 

Before Jesus showed up 

walking on the waves, how 

would you describe conditions 

in the boat? 

If there were twelve guys in the 

boat and only Peter jumped at 

the chance to walk on water, 

what do you suppose he was 

thinking at that point that the 

others weren’t? 

How did Peter’s view of Jesus 

change from the moment he 

left the boat until they got 

back in? 

“Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water 

and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, 

beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” 

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” 

he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind 

died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly 

you are the Son of God.” 


session three 49

In explaining this transition, 

Pastor David said, “In that 

singular moment, Peter knew 

with every fiber of his being 

exactly who Jesus was - a 

friend that Peter could trust 

with his entire life. I want you 

to hear this last part carefully. 

Remember last week we talked 

about this clash between two 

kingdoms and the idea that if 

the kingdom of God is the place 

where God’s will is done, then 

His kingdom may also be the 

place where our will must be 

surrendered.” What are some 

areas where your will may 

need to be surrendered? 

“LORD, IF IT’S YOU,” PETER REPLIED, “TELL 

ME TO COME TO YOU ON THE WATER.” 

MATTHEW 14:28 

In what ways did Peter and 

perhaps the other disciples 

learn a little bit about 

becoming less so that Christ 

would be seen even more 

clearly as greater? 


session three 51

STUDY NOTES 




BUFFETED BY THE WAVES. 

Only about half of the disciples were experienced fishermen. 

The rest were landlubbers. But Galilee had a proven reputation 

as dangerous water. It’s hard to know who was more 

scared, the non-sailing disciples, or the fishermen who knew 

they might be in big trouble. 

WHEN HE SAW THE WIND. 

See John 3:8 where Jesus describes the Holy Spirit like a wind 

which we can’t see but whose effects are apparent in the moving 

leaves. Peter was distracted by the waves and lost sight of 

why he was walking on the water in the first place. 

“YOU OF LITTLE FAITH,” HE SAID, “WHY DID YOU 

DOUBT?” 

Jesus didn’t ask this question to find out information He didn’t 

know; He asked it to provoke a reflection on what causes us 

to slip into doubt—letting ourselves be distracted by the immediate 

appearance of powerful opposition (like rogue waves) 

rather than the far greater truth of God’s goodness. 


session three 53


When you started this 40-day challenge you may 

have assumed this would be a solitary and maybe 

lonely experience. And certainly many of the daily 

challenges are actions or choices you must make on 

your own. But you’re not alone. The Bible doesn’t 

see us succeeding or sinning apart from everyone 

else. What we do affects others even when it isn’t 

immediately apparent. The health and vitality of 

each of our souls contributes to the vitality of the 

whole body of Christ, and immediately to those 

closest to us. Let’s talk about how we can encourage 

one another to persevere and be patient with those 

of us who are struggling with this whole idea of 

becoming less so that Christ can become greater. 

15 MINS. 

2. He followed that up with another question we must all consider: “Do 

you know - as Peter did - that your life is safe and secure when you 

place it in God’s hands?” And whether you nodded ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to that 

question, what are some ways you have actually practiced (or struggled 

to practice) that knowledge about the goodness of God? 

1. How did you personally respond to Pastor David’s statement: “Have you 

been fully persuaded of the goodness of God? Have you put your whole 

trust in God’s grace and love for you?” 

3. Why does understanding God’s greatness and goodness put us in a 

better place to be OK with being less? 


session three 55

SHARE AND 


Pull them back together for this final segment 

in which we focus outward toward our 

neighbors and upward towards our God. 

10 MINS. 

3. What kind of worship fits your group? Spend a few minutes worshiping 

God together. Here are two ideas: 

a. Have someone use their musical gifts to lead the group in a worship 

song focused on the theme of discipleship. 

b. Try singing a cappella, using a worship CD, or have someone accompany 

your singing with a musical instrument. 

4. Read a passage of scripture together, making it a time of praise and 

worship as the words remind you of all God has done for you. Choose 

a psalm or other favorite verse. 

1. In Session One we asked you to write some names in the Circles of Life 

diagram. Who did you identify as the people in your life who need to 

meet Jesus? Go back to the Circles of Life diagram on page 25 to help 

you think of the various people you come in contact with on a regular 

basis who might benefit from a deeper life with God. Consider the 

following ideas for action and make a plan to follow through on one of 

them this week. 

a. This is a wonderful time to welcome a few friends into your group. 

Which of the people you listed could you invite? It’s possible that 

you may need to help your friend overcome obstacles to coming 

to a place where he or she can encounter Jesus. Does your friend 

need a ride to the group? Help with child care? 

b. Consider inviting a friend to attend a weekend service with you 

and possibly plan to enjoy a meal together afterward. This can be 

a great opportunity to talk with someone about your faith in Jesus. 

c. Is there someone who may not be ready to participate in your group, 

but who would still benefit from you connecting with them? Would 

you be willing to have lunch or coffee with that person, catch up on 

life, and share something you’ve learned from this study? Jesus 

doesn’t call all of us to lead small groups, but He does call every 

disciple to spiritually multiply his or her life over time. 

5. Encourage your group members to incorporate the daily challenges in 

their daily lives this week. These will offer reinforcement of the principles 

we are learning, and develop or strengthen your habit of time 

alone with God throughout the week. 










2. Allow everyone to answer this question: “How can we pray for you this 

week?” Be sure to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise 

Report on page 124. 


session three 57

SESSION FOUR 

DEALING WITH 

DESIRE 

MEMORY VERSE: 

“SO I SAY, WALK BY THE SPIRIT, AND YOU WILL 

NOT GRATIFY THE DESIRES OF THE FLESH.” 

GALATIANS 5:16 (NIV2011) 

WELCOME BACK TO THE 40-DAY CHALLENGE. 

We have passed the halfway point in our study and 

hopefully you are experiencing a new level of awareness. 

We’ve been at this long enough to have some high 

and low points. By now you’ve probably run up against 

that part of yourself that has no interest in becoming 

less; it relishes getting more, doing more, and being 

more! Like the disciples, we are fully capable of thinking, 

“I wonder if I’m the greatest at being less.” There’s 

a part of us that knows we’re our own worst enemy. This 

is the session where we get serious about our inability 

to become who we were designed to be without God’s 

help. How do we walk the Christian walk when our desires 

are hurdles blocking our way? 


session four 59

COME TOGETHER 

Open your group with prayer. Make it a point to 

thank God for what God is doing in your group. 

15 MINS. 










1. This session’s memory verse (Galatians 5:16) is one that 

should be put into practice every day. Read it aloud as a group. 

2. Let’s explore more about what it means to “walk by the Spirit.” 

To walk by the spirit also means living by the spirit. What are 

some other common things we “live by”? What should it look 

like if we try to live our lives by those things? 

3. Take a few moments to check in with your spiritual partner(s), 

or with another partner if yours is absent. Share something 

God taught you during your time with God or the daily 

challenges this past week. Be sure to write down your notes 

on page 127. 


session four 61

GROW TOGETHER 

Pastor David used three significant passages from 

the New Testament in his teaching for this session: 

Philippians 2:1-8; Romans 7:18-21, and Galatians 

5:16-24. Each of these passages provides evidence 

for the importance of becoming less and the process 

of getting there. 

READ: GALATIANS 5:16-24 

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify 

the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is 

contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to 

the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that 

you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led 

by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of 

the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and 

debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, 

jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, 

factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I 

warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this 

will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of 

the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, 

goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. 

Against such things there is no law. Those who belong 

to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its 

passions and desires. 

20 MINS. 

Paul tells us in Philippians 2:5, 

“In your relationships with 

one another, have the same 

mindset as Christ Jesus.” 

How did Jesus himself set the 

pattern of humility for us? 

As Pastor David pointed out, 

knowing a goal is not quite 

the same as getting there. 

How does Paul’s statement 

in Romans 7:21 provide a 

reality check? “So I find this 

law at work: Although I want 

to do good, evil is right there 

with me.” 

Scan the passage from Paul 

to the Galatians again. How do 

the three phrases “walk by the 

Spirit” (v.16), “led by the Spirit” 

(v.18), and “fruit of the Spirit” 

(v.22) work together? 


session four 63

Based on Galatians 5:16- 

24, how would you describe 

the two sides in the conflict 

between the Spirit and the 

flesh? What are clues that one 

side or the other is winning? 

“Sin—acts of the flesh—leads 

to death. Sin has the power to 

suck the life out of you.” How 

is this true in your life? How 

would you explain this truth to 

someone else? 

THOSE WHO BELONG TO CHRIST JESUS 

HAVE CRUCIFIED THE FLESH WITH ITS 

PASSIONS AND DESIRES. 

GALATIANS 5:24 

As his closing application 

Pastor David said, “This is 

not a battle of the will. This 

is a battle of the spirit and as 

you begin to live more in tune 

with the Spirit - this awesome 

power that the scriptures say 

is the same power that brought 

Christ back to life - when that 

power gets released in your 

life, those unhealthy desires 

do not stand a chance. We don’t 

produce the fruit of the Spirit; 

God’s spirit in us does that!” 

In what ways does this speak 

hope into your life? 


session four 65

STUDY NOTES 




SPIRIT. 

Paul is talking specifically about God’s Holy Spirit, the third 

person of the Trinity, who takes up residence in the life of a 

Christ-follower. 

FLESH. 

This word represents the desires in us that are mixed up because 

of sin. Verse 24 presents a vivid picture of what has to 

happen with that in us that is flesh (see below). 

ACTS OF THE FLESH. 

Paul lists a sample fifteen acts with the open ended note, “and 

the like.” Each one of these is a misused or abused good desire 

given to us by God. For example “sexual immorality” is the 

pollution and distortion of God’s gift of sex. “Idolatry” takes our 

inner need to worship and twists it into making gods of things. 

FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT. 

Paul lists nine of these side effects of the Spirit’s presence. 

“Forbearance” is another word for patience. All of these are 

qualities without borders; we never get to the place where we 

can’t use more of any one of these fruit. 

BELONG TO CHRIST JESUS. 

The closest parallel to this connection is the relationship of 

marriage. Marriage originates at a point of commitment and 

exchange of promises, followed by a lifetime of daily living out 

that commitment. 


session four 67


This side of eternity there won’t be any days that we 

don’t experience the reality of living in the tension 

between flesh and Spirit. Every day we are called to 

choose. Every single day. That process will always be 

easier if we are surrounded by others who are daily 

choosing Christ as well. 

15 MINS. 

2. Would anyone like to share the point in your life when you know you 

chose to side with Christ? Who are the people in your life that made 

that decision possible? 

1. Pastor David made this statement about the struggle we all 

face: “Trying to fight this battle against the flesh alone is 

like getting into the ring with a giant pro wrestler. You don’t 

stand a chance, but here is the good news. This is a tag team 

event. Help is available and there is no power in this world 

that can defeat the Spirit - your partner that is waiting for 

you to tag into this great battle.” Are you in the battle alone 

or are you allowing the Spirit to fight with and for you? 

3. As far as other parts of life, how have your relationships been impacted 

by your involvement in this 40-day challenge? For example, share how 

you have done with relating to or inviting the people you listed on the 

Circles of Life to church or your small group. 


session four 69

SHARE AND 


The sharing of stories of personal change and 

spiritual commitment take us to the heart of a 

small group impact. Here we laugh with those 

who laugh and weep with those who weep. 

The best joys are shared ones. Pull them back 

together for this final segment. 

10 MINS. 

1. Allow everyone to answer this question: “How can we 

pray for you this week?” Be sure to write prayer requests 

on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 124. 

2. What kind of worship fits your group? Spend a few minutes 

worshiping God together. Here are two ideas: 



discipleship. 

b. Try singing a cappella, using a worship CD, or have 

someone accompany your singing with a musical 

instrument. 

3. Read a passage of scripture together, making it a time of 

praise and worship as the words remind you of all God 

has done for you. Choose a psalm or other favorite verse. 

4. Encourage your group members to incorporate the daily 

challenges in their daily lives this week. These will offer 

reinforcement of the principles we are learning, and 

develop or strengthen your habit of time alone with God 

throughout the week. 











session four 71

SESSION FIVE 

ACCEPTING THAT WE 

ARE TEMPORARY 

MEMORY VERSE: 

“TEACH US TO NUMBER OUR DAYS, THAT WE 

MAY GAIN A HEART OF WISDOM.” 

PSALM 90:12 (NIV2011) 

WELCOME BACK TO THIS WEEK’S 

INSTALLMENT OF 40-DAY CHALLENGE. 

In this session, our theme is the dwindling amount of 

time each one of us has. Last week we talked about the 

lifelong battle with desire; this week we get to think 

about the fact that the end of the fight may come sooner 

than we expect. 

Someone has said that failure to live with the end in 

mind often results in a failure to live. We want to be 

more intentional as we seek to become less so that 

Christ can be seen as greater. One of Jesus’ great statements 

for our encouragement is found in John 16:33, 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may 

have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take 

heart! I have overcome the world.” 


session five 73

COME TOGETHER 


15 MINS. 




1. Let’s have a check-in here. How did the last week of daily 

challenges go for you? Any unusual events or happenings 

to report? 







2. Now as a way of shifting gears into what Pastor David has for us 

today, what was the most unusual or meaningful funeral you’ve 

ever attended and why was it that way for you? 

3. Check in with your spiritual partner, or with another partner if 

yours is absent. Talk about any challenges you are currently facing 

in reaching the goals you have set throughout this study. Tell your 

spiritual partner how he or she has helped you follow through 

with each step. Be sure to write down progress on page 115. 


session five 75

GROW TOGETHER 

It is hard to have a “together” experience as one 

person. It is also hard to be “with” a huge crowd. 

That’s the power of small groups. It’s a setting 

where we can open up without feeling like we’re 

exposing ourselves to the whole world. Hopefully 

you have been discovering a new sense of freedom 

in sharing your thoughts and experiences from 

week to week in this small group. As difficult as it 

is to talk about our mortality and the end of life, 

we’ve got good reasons to leap into that discussion 

if we’re going to keep learning to be less. 

READ: PSALM 39:1-8 

I said, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a 

muzzle on my mouth while in the presence of the wicked.” 

So I remained utterly silent, not even saying anything good. But my 

anguish increased; 

my heart grew hot within me. While I meditated, the fire burned; then I 

spoke with my tongue: 

“Show me, LORD, my life’s end and the number of my days; let me 

know how fleeting my life is. 

You have made my days a mere handbreadth; the span of my years 

is as nothing before you. Everyone is but a breath, even those 

who seem secure. 

20 MINS. 

At the end of his teaching, 

Pastor David asked each of us 

to think about our life’s end 

and what you would want a 

stranger to understand about 

you and how you chose to live 

out your days. Take a moment 

to jot down your response. 

(2-3 minutes) 

So, let’s come clean. What are 

some of the thoughts that went 

through your mind as Pastor 

David began to talk about his 

history with funerals? Anything 

you hadn’t realized about 

that unavoidable aspect of a 

pastor’s life? 

Verse 4 says, “Show me, LORD, 

my life’s end and the number 

of my days; let me know how 

fleeting my life is.” What is 

King David asking the Lord to 

do for him? 

“Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom; in vain they rush 

about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be. 

“But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you. 

Save me from all my transgressions; do not make me the 

scorn of fools. 


session five 77

During his teaching, Pastor 

David said, “The acceptance 

that our lives are in fact 

temporary not only leads to 

wisdom, it also helps keep us 

focused on the kind of life that 

is in line with this vision we 

have been talking about the 

last five weeks. A life where 

‘He becomes greater and we 

become less.’” What are some 

“lessening” outcomes in a 

person’s life who has come to 

terms with their temporary 

status on the planet? 

SHOW ME, LORD, MY LIFE’S END AND THE 

NUMBER OF MY DAYS; LET ME KNOW HOW 

FLEETING MY LIFE IS. 

PSALM 39:4 

How does the audience change 

for King David between verses 

1-3 and verses 4-8? What’s 

happening inside David in those 

first three verses? In what 

different ways does he describe 

the brevity of life in verses 4-6? 

In what ways do verses 7-8 

summarize what ought to be 

our underlying attitude toward 

God and God’s role in our lives? 


session five 79

STUDY NOTES 




I SAID. 

David was involved in self-talk about his life situation. He was 

monitoring his thought patterns and trying to design his own 

daily challenge to speak more carefully among others. 

UTTERLY SILENT. 

There’s a time to be quiet and a time to speak. David discovered 

that by shutting up completely, he was shutting himself off from 

others and things that needed to be said. 

ANGUISH INCREASED…HEART GREW HOT…THE 

FIRE BURNED. 

The king had a growing and troubling realization that life was 

too short for silence. But breaking silence involved speaking 

to God about what was troubling him. 

SHOW ME. 

David wasn’t expecting a “flash forward” to his death or a number 

he could post on his mirror. He was asking God to show him 

the reality of the brevity of his own life, not as a concept but a 

deeply personal acknowledgement. 

SAVE ME. 

The life of a person who has accepted their temporary status 

before God is marked by hope and a reliance of God for salvation. 

That person realizes there is not enough time, energy, or 

means to make themselves right with God and rescue themselves 

from transgressions; instead they have cast themselves 

in faith on God’s grace and mercy as we must all do. 


session five 81


The whole experience of living through this 40- 

day challenge together is another confirmation that 

the body of Christ is a shared experience rather 

than an overly individualized one. At both levels 

(individually and with others) we have been working 

through daily challenges each week to understand 

the lessons and practice the habit of becoming 

less. It doesn’t appear in the Psalm we’ve studied 

this time that David had much of a regular support 

group. Clearly he was frustrated by many of those 

around him. 

15 MINS. 

2. If there was one verse of the Bible you would want your loved ones to 

connect with your life, what would it be? Why? (If you don’t have that 

kind of “life-verse” perhaps we could brainstorm one for you as a start 

or simply make some suggestions). 

1. Look again at the things you jotted down a few minutes 

ago that you would want a stranger to know about your life. 

What are the items on that list you are willing to share with 

your group? 

3. As a way of including our broader experience of the body of Christ, who 

have you known along the way that really lived with an acceptance of 

their own temporary status? How did that acceptance manifest itself 

in their lives? 


session five 83

SHARE AND WORSHIP 

TOGETHER 

In this final part of the session we want to continue 

to explore ways of worship among ourselves. Let 

God guide your attention to God by allowing each 

other to suggest songs, silence, a certain kind of 

prayer, reflection and ways to say “Thank You” to 

God and one another for this journey together. The 

best joys are shared ones. Pull them back together 

for this final segment. 

10 MINS. 

1. Allow everyone to answer this question: “How can we 

pray for you this week?” Be sure to write prayer requests 

on your Prayer and Praise Report on page 124. 

2. What are some things we could do together right now in 

the spirit and truth of worship that would acknowledge 

our fleeting lives and God’s everlasting presence among 

us in a special way? [Give some silence for people to 

listen to the Spirit’s leading here.] 

3. Our next session is the last in this study. It may be a 

good idea before you end this meeting to talk a little 

about your plans for that session and beyond. Will this 

group continue to meet and what will be the focus of your 

time together? 










session five 85

SESSION SIX 

DYING TO LIVE 

MEMORY VERSE: 

“VERY TRULY I TELL YOU, UNLESS A KERNEL 

OF WHEAT FALLS TO THE GROUND AND DIES, 

IT REMAINS ONLY A SINGLE SEED. BUT IF IT 

DIES, IT PRODUCES MANY SEEDS.” 

JOHN 12:24 (NIV2011) 

WELCOME BACK TO THE FINAL SESSION OF 

THIS 40-DAY CHALLENGE. 

One common point the four Gospels share is that Jesus’ 

life led to sacrifice. No one has ever had to live with the 

end in mind like He did. That’s not the end of the story, 

though. Resurrection puts a radically different spin on 

dying and sacrifice. We begin this session by reminding 

ourselves that with Jesus Christ, every sacrifice is made 

with resurrection in mind. Jesus said, “For whoever 

wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses 

their life for me will find it.” Matthew 16:25 (NIV2011) 

Hopefully you have been challenged and encouraged by 

your fellow travelers as you pursue the full life. These 

40 days have been a short leg in a longer journey. The 

truth lies in this, “What no eye has seen, what no ear 

has heard, and what no human mind has conceived”— 

these are the things God has prepared for those who 

love him. (1 Corinthians 2:9 (NIV 2011) 

Enjoy this final time together and make plans for the 

next leg of the journey. 


session six 87

COME TOGETHER 


15 MINS. 




1. When you think about travel or a journey, what’s the most fun for 

you and why? 







2. How has this actually been a 40-day challenge for you? What did 

you find the most challenging? How has that made you stronger? 

3. Take time in this final session to connect with your spiritual partner. 

What has God been showing you through these sessions 

about learning to be less so Christ can be greater? Check in with 

each other about the progress you have made in your spiritual 

growth during this study. Make plans about whether you will continue 

in your mentoring relationship outside your group. 


session six 89

GROW TOGETHER 

Watching the video reminds us that we have 

come a long way in six weeks. We started out 

trying to grasp the idea that we could be better 

by learning to be less. This week’s exercise is 

about facing our mortality. It is meant to set us 

up for thinking about the way we might need to 

die each day. 

20 MINS. 

In this passage, how is Jesus 

accepting the fact that He 

must become less in order 

for His true objective to be 

accomplished? 

READ: JOHN 12:23-33 

Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be 

glorified. Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls 

to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if 

it dies, it produces many seeds. Anyone who loves their life 

will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world 

will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow 

me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will 

honor the one who serves me. “Now my soul is troubled, 

and what shall I say? ‘Father, save me from this hour’? 

No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, 

glorify your name!” 

Then a voice came from heaven, “I have glorified it, and will 

glorify it again.” The crowd that was there and heard it said it 

had thundered; others said an angel had spoken to him. 

Jesus said, “This voice was for your benefit, not mine. Now 

is the time for judgment on this world; now the prince of this 

world will be driven out. And I, when I am lifted up from the 

earth, will draw all people to myself.” He said this to show 

the kind of death he was going to die. 

What does Jesus say about 

himself (vs. 23, 26-28, 32 and 

what does He say that applies 

to all of us (vs 24-26, 30, 32)? 

Using your own words, how 

would you express the points 

Jesus is making in verses 

25-26? Consider the following 

words: “loves,” “hates,” 

“follow,” and “be.” 


session six 91

Pastor David pointed out that 

no one wanted Jesus to die (not 

even him), but Christ willingly 

laid down His life for us. The 

act which brought about our 

redemption from our sins and 

our full reconciliation with God, 

also points to one of the great 

paradoxes that is at the heart 

of the Christian faith. It is in our 

dying that we begin to really 

live. What are some practical 

illustrations of the way this 

works out in life? 

Pastor David mentioned 

Jesus’ prayer in Matthew 26 

in which He asked to have the 

cup withheld as an example 

of Jesus, the human, being 

repelled by death. How does 

John 12:27 express another 

part of Jesus’ sentiment and 

resolution? 

In explaining the principle of 

dying in order to live, Pastor 

David referred to Galatians 

5:24, “Those who belong to 

Christ Jesus have crucified 

the flesh with its passions 

and desires.” Then he added, 

“The place where we allow 

ourselves, our passions, our 

plans to die is the same place 

where God’s spirit begins 

to come alive.” How did you 

understand his last statement? 

How does a passion or a 

plan die? 

What comes to your mind 

when you read the phrase 

from Jesus, “And I, when I am 

lifted up from the earth” (John 

12:32)? How does this help you 

relate to Jesus? 


session six 93

STUDY NOTES 




HOUR. 

Jesus was continuously and acutely aware of what was ahead 

for him. He often talked about the “hour” as the appropriate 

time for the next step in His mission. But the ultimate hour of 

His death and resurrection was coming. 

GLORIFIED. 

John bore witness that the disciples repeatedly saw Christ’s 

glory (John 1:14) in glimpses as He moved through His ministry, 

but the resurrection involved Jesus taking up His full glory 

again since He had made himself nothing in order to take on 

humanity (Philippians 2:7-8). 

LOVES THEIR LIFE…HATES THEIR LIFE. 

In context, loving here implies holding on to something in an 

unhealthy way and hating means realizing the limitations of life 

even at its best. This is not hating because we wish it was better. 

A VOICE CAME FROM HEAVEN. 

On occasion, God the Father made himself audible within history, 

particularly to honor the Son. 

WHEN I AM LIFTED UP FROM THE EARTH. 

Jesus endured the cross on behalf of all other humans. His 

death is the point to which we must come in order to die to 

ourselves and receive eternal life. 


session six 95


When we depend on one another, sacrifices will 

be made. Schedules will be adjusted, priorities will 

shift, and a willingness to cooperate with Christ in 

the lives of others will grow. Some things about us 

will become less—and rightly so, the quality of our 

life together might be measured by the number of 

us who are willing to sacrifice in small and large 

ways for the benefit of all. When we find ways to be 

generous with each other, bonds develop that are the 

true sign of “one spirit.” 

In this last application time, think together not only 

about the immediate practical aspects of this lesson, 

but also how it might make a difference for you a 

year or decade from now. 

15 MINS. 

3. Pastor David said of his own experience in learning to be less, “When I 

recognized my willingness to die, I also got a glimpse of what it means 

to truly live. I knew in the moment there were things much bigger 

than me.” Missionary martyr Jim Elliot expressed this truth in his 

well-known statement, “He is no fool who gives up what he cannot 

keep in order to gain what he cannot lose.” What does Elliot mean by 

that statement? 

1. Pastor David concluded his teaching by explaining that living 

‘life to the full,’ where Jesus becomes greater and we 

become less is really as simple as this: It’s learning to die 

so that we can learn to really live. How have you already 

experienced that truth in your life? 

4. As long as we insist on holding on to our little kernel of life with its dying 

passions and desires we are dead; but something amazing begins to 

happen when we willingly lay down that life for the sake of whatever 

God has for us. How have you personally confronted this challenge to 

let go of that “little kernel of life” in order to take hold of Christ? 

2. What is an area in your life where you have seen this multiplying 

effect in the way that others have “died to themselves” 

on your behalf or in the way you have done that for others? 


session six 97

SHARE AND WORSHIP 

TOGETHER 

Come together for this final moment in this last 

session of the series. 

10 MINS. 

1. Allow everyone to answer this question one last time: “How 

can we pray for you this week and into the future?” Be sure 

to write prayer requests on your Prayer and Praise Report 

on page 124. 

2. What kind of worship has fit your group during this study? 

Maybe you’ve discovered a favorite worship chorus or hymn. 

This is the time to enjoy what’s really impacted the group in 

praise and worship together. Spend a few minutes worshiping 

God together. Here are several previous ideas: 

a. Have an extended prayer time, emphasizing thanksgiving 

for what the group has been through and individuals 

expressing gratitude for what God has taught or given 

them through the group. 

b. Have someone use their musical gifts to lead the group 

in a worship song. Try singing a cappella, using a worship 

CD, or have someone accompany your singing with 

a musical instrument. 

c. Read a passage of scripture together, making it a time of 

praise and worship as the words remind you of all God 

has done for you. Choose a psalm or other favorite verse. 

3. Before you close in prayer, make sure there is some sense 

of what is next. Either plan to meet next week to simply celebrate 

this experience, announce what the next study will be 

and when you will meet, or present a range of other opportunities. 

Be sure to thank everyone for sharing in the journey. 










session six 99

PREFACE: 

40 DAILY CHALLENGES 

FOR THESE 40 DAYS 

As we journey through the next 40 days, we invite you to 

try each one of these daily challenges. Pick one each 

day and do your best to live it out for 24 hours. Each day 

you will be asked to make some sort of small sacrifice 

of your time, your money, or your efforts. Some of these 

challenges are more difficult than others. I encourage 

you to do each one, even if you have to adapt it to meet 

your circumstances or rearrange the order. If a challenge 

seems too difficult, I encourage you to especially 

try that one. The idea is sacrificial living. It means our 

pocketbooks, our bodies, and our emotions may all be 

stretched to new limits. 

In order for Jesus to become greater and you to become 

less, you will be challenged to dig deep. But as you are 

challenged, your soul will be strengthened and your 

faith will be deepened. Pray before you begin these 40 

days. Ask God to give you strength and perseverance. 

Pray each day before you look at the daily challenge, so 

that God will guide you as you read and plan for the day. 

Consider looking each evening at the next day’s task so 

you can better prepare. 

If one or more of these activities resonates with you, 

consider making it a daily, weekly or monthly habit. 

Remember, this is about a way of life that continually 

points to Jesus, as we saw in the example of John the 

Baptist. May God bless you on this journey! 


daily challenges 101

1. Pray the Lord’s prayer, slowly, morning, noon and night. 

REFLECT: 

2. Think of the least-acknowledged, unpopular, marginalized person 

you know. Reach out to them today with a smile, hug, or 

note of kindness. Pray for them all day. 

REFLECT: 

3. Give up TV, surfing the web, or social media today. Use the extra 

time to talk and listen to God. 

REFLECT: 

4. Identify a culture of someone you know that is different from 

yours. Ask the person about their culture. Be genuinely interested. 

Research the culture and find at least two positive attributes 

of that way of life. Pray for that person, and try to refrain 

from thinking of them as the “other” or as different from you. 

REFLECT: 

5. Memorize these words from Jesus in Mark 9:35, “Anyone who 

wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” Put 

it on a notecard or paper and carry it with you all day. Get it out 

every free moment and commit it to memory. 

REFLECT: 

6. Give up luxuries (expensive coffee, manicure, eating out, unnecessary 

purchases, etc) today. Give the saved money to a charity 

or someone in need. 

REFLECT: 

7. Reflect on what it means to be humble today. Look up definitions 

and scriptures. Utilize CS Lewis’ definition, “Humility is 

not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.” Pray 

for humility. 

REFLECT: 

8. Recite this scripture from John 3:30, “He must become greater, I 

must become less.” Repeat it 2 more times slowly, thinking about 

the meaning. Do this every time you sit down today. 

REFLECT: 

9. Prepare or purchase a meal or treat for someone who is ill, alone, 

sad, or struggling. Let them know you will bring it in advance, 

and then visit with them before leaving. Perhaps pray with 

them as well. 

REFLECT: 

10. Instead of listening to the radio on your drive to work, drive 

quietly, praying for people as you pass them. 

REFLECT: 



11. Eat only fresh, in-season, locally produced foods today. This may 

take some research and effort, but do the best you can. Thank God for 

the farmers and ranchers. Pray that they may use healthy, humane, 

holistic practices. 

REFLECT: 

16. Memorize: Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or 

vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” 

When you find yourself thinking about your own needs, concerns, 

etc. today, repeat this verse. 

REFLECT: 

12. Read Psalm 139. Focus on the final two verses, 23-24: “Search 

me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious 

thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in 

the way everlasting.” Pray these verses several times then sit 

quietly waiting for God to reveal anything you may need to work 

on, resolve, or seek forgiveness for. 

REFLECT: 

17. Give up one meal or regular snack today (if health allows). Rely 

on God to give you strength. During that meal time, pray for 

those in our community, country and world who do not have 

enough food to eat today. Ask God to show you how you can 

make a difference. 

REFLECT: 

13. Offer at least 10 compliments today to 10 different people. 

REFLECT: 

18. Take time today to intentionally share with a loved one what you 

appreciate most about them. Do this through email, text, handwritten 

note, phone call or face-to face if possible. 

REFLECT: 

14. Fast from anger, frustration or aggressive speech today. Each 

time you find yourself feeling these emotions, sit quietly for a 

moment and pray for peace. Ask God to show you where your 

soul needs work. 

REFLECT: 

19. Today spend time in prayer for each of your co-workers. Pray 

that they would achieve to the best of their abilities and that 

they might find joy in their work. Ask God to show you ways to 

be a loving co-worker. 

REFLECT: 

15. Spend 10 minutes at the beginning of your day and the end of 

your day writing down things you are grateful for. Thank God 

for these things. 

REFLECT: 

20. Look for an opportunity today to bless a stranger. Share an 

unexpected smile, hold open a door, give extra tip to your 

waitress, etc. 

REFLECT: 



21. Write a note of gratitude or encouragement to someone today. 

Consider sharing your gratitude publicly on social media or 

at dinner. 

REFLECT: 

26. Identify someone you would like to know better. Invite them to 

lunch or dinner later this week. Pray about how God might work 

in this new relationship, and be open to God’s promptings. 

REFLECT: 

22. Read Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come 

out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others 

up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” 

Pray about this one verse throughout today. 

27. Reach out to a neighbor you haven’t met. Take them a baked 

treat, or stop by to introduce yourself. 

REFLECT: 

REFLECT: 

23. Today when you see someone who seems different from you, 

someone you might normally avoid, pray for that person, smile, 

and show them kindness. 

REFLECT: 

28. Drive to the nearest hospital and sit in the lobby. Pray for each 

floor, each room, or each family. Pray for the doctors and nurses 

to have clarity of mind and ability. Pray for the chaplains to 

bring the presence of God to their patients. Pray for the administrators 

to offer compassion and resources. Pray for the volunteers 

to bring joy, compassion, and peace to their patients. 

REFLECT: 

24. Take a Prayer Walk around your neighborhood. Pray for each 

family as you pass their home. Ask God to bless them with 

health, love, and joy. Ask God to show you how to connect to 

each family so that you may love your neighbors well. 

REFLECT: 

29. Fill at least one box with items from your home to donate to a 

mission center, Salvation Army, or similar organization. 

REFLECT: 

25. Memorize: Galatians 5:22-23, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, 

joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness 

and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Put 

it on a notecard or paper and carry it with you all day. Get it out 

every free moment and commit it to memory. 

30. Plan 15 minutes to sit outside today. If it is too cold or warm, 

sit near a window with an open view. Take mental note of the 

nature you are able to observe. Reflect with God about the wonder 

of creation. 

REFLECT: 

REFLECT: 



31. Handwrite a letter to someone who made a significant impact in 

your life. Maybe it’s a coach, a teacher, a grandparent or mentor. 

Express your gratitude for the way they helped or guided you. 

Pray for that person through the day. 

REFLECT: 

36. Bring an extra lunch to work or pay for someone’s lunch today. 

Perhaps pay for the person behind you in the drive-through or 

counter line. 

REFLECT: 

32. Memorize: Matthew 25:40, “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, 

whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters 

of mine, you did for me.’” Put it on a notecard or paper and 

carry it with you all day. Get it out every free moment and commit 

it to memory. 

REFLECT: 

37. Be generous with your time today. Spend time listening to someone. 

Offer to help someone carrying groceries or boxes. Initiate 

impromptu conversations with co-workers about their life. 

Spend time reading or playing with your kids or grandkids. Go 

to lunch with an old friend. 

REFLECT: 

33. Add up every luxury you have in your home (TV’s, electronics, 

expensive furnishings, landscaping, extravagant foods, internet 

access, etc.). Anonymously give 50 cents or $1 for every luxury 

item to your church or favorite charity. 

REFLECT: 

34. Refrain from gossip, put-downs, sarcasm, or negative language 

today. If you slip up, put a predetermined amount (a quarter, 50 

cents, $1) in a jar to give to someone in need. 

REFLECT: 

38. Commit to spend more time listening than talking today. Count to 3 

before adding to a conversation to ensure the other person is done. 

REFLECT: 

39. Memorize: Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither 

death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present 

nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor 

anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the 

love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Put it on a notecard 

or paper and carry it with you all day. Get it out every free 

moment and commit it to memory. 

REFLECT: 

35. Spend a few minutes searching the Internet or news sources to 

identify injustices (slavery, poverty, starvation, orphans, racism, 

or others) occurring throughout the world. Select one injustice, 

learn about the causes of the injustice, and pray for those who 

are affected by it. 

REFLECT: 

40. Admit a mistake today, out loud. Apologize if necessary or share 

a previous mistake and what you learned from it. Be vulnerable. 

REFLECT: 



APPENDICES 

GREAT RESOURCES TO HELP 

MAKE YOUR SMALL GROUP 

EXPERIENCE EVEN BETTER! 

FREQUENTLY ASKED 

QUESTIONS 

WHAT DO WE DO ON THE FIRST NIGHT OF 

OUR GROUP? 

Like all fun things in life—have a party! A “get to know 

you” coffee, dinner, or dessert is a great way to launch 

a new study. You may want to review the Group Agreement 

(pages 112–113) and share the names of a few 

friends you can invite to join you. But most importantly, 

have fun before your study time begins. 

WHERE DO WE FIND NEW MEMBERS FOR 

OUR GROUP? 

This can be troubling, especially for new groups that 

have only a few people or for existing groups that lose 

a few people along the way. We encourage you to pray 

with your group and then brainstorm a list of people 

from work, church, your neighborhood, your children’s 

school, family, the gym, and so forth. Then have 

each group member invite several of the people on 

his or her list. 

No matter how you find members, it is vital that you 

stay on the lookout for new people to join your group. All 

groups tend to go through healthy attrition—the result 

of moves, releasing new leaders, ministry opportunities, 

and so forth—and if the group gets too small, it 

could be at risk of shutting down. If you and your group 

stay open, you will be amazed at the people God sends 

your way. The next person just might become a friend 

for life. You never know! 


appendicies 111

HOW LONG WILL THIS GROUP MEET? 

It’s totally up to the group—once you come to the end of this 

6-week study. Most groups meet weekly for at least their first 6 

weeks, but every other week can work as well. We strongly recommend 

that the group meet for the first six months on a weekly 

basis if at all possible. This allows for continuity, and if people 

miss a meeting they aren’t gone for a whole month. 

At the end of this study, each group member may decide if he 

or she wants to continue on for another 6-week study. Some 

groups launch relationships for years to come, and others are 

stepping-stones into another group experience. Either way, enjoy 

the journey. 

CAN WE DO THIS STUDY ON OUR OWN? 

Absolutely! This may sound crazy, but one of the best ways to do 

this study is not with a full house but with a few friends. You may 

choose to gather with another couple who would enjoy some 

relational time (perhaps going to the movies or having a quiet 

dinner) and then walking through this study. Jesus will be with 

you even if there are only two of you (Matthew 18:20). 

WHAT IF THIS GROUP IS NOT WORKING FOR US? 

That is OK! This could be the result of a personality conflict, life 

stage difference, geographical distance, level of spiritual maturity, 

or any number of things. Relax. Pray for God’s direction, and 

at the end of this 6-week study, decide whether to continue with 

this group or find another. You do not typically buy the first car you 

look at or marry the first person you date, and the same goes with 

a group. However, don’t bail out before the 6 weeks are up—God 

might have something to teach you. Also, don’t run from conflict 

or prejudge people before you have given them a chance. God is 

still working in your life, too! 

WHO IS THE LEADER? 

Most groups have an official leader. But ideally, the group 

will mature and members will rotate the leadership of 

meetings. We have discovered that healthy groups rotate 

hosts/leaders and homes on a regular basis. This model 

ensures that all members grow, give their unique contribution, 

and develop their gifts. This study guide and the 

Holy Spirit can keep things on track even when you rotate 

leaders. Christ has promised to be in your midst as you 

gather. Ultimately, God is your leader each step of the way. 

HOW DO WE HANDLE THE CHILDCARE NEEDS IN 

OUR GROUP? 

Very carefully. Seriously, this can be a sensitive issue. We 

suggest that you empower the group to openly brainstorm 

solutions. You may try one option that works for a while and 

then adjust over time. Our favorite approach is for adults 

to meet in the living room or dining room and to share the 

cost of a babysitter (or two) who can watch the kids in a 

different part of the house. This way, parents don’t have to 

be away from their children all evening when their children 

are too young to be left at home. A second option is to use 

one home for the kids and a second home (close by or a 

phone call away) for the adults. A third idea is to rotate the 

responsibility of providing a lesson or care for the children 

either in the same home or in another home nearby. This 

can be an incredible blessing for kids. Finally, the most 

common solution is to decide that you need to have a night 

to invest in your spiritual lives individually or as a couple 

and to make your own arrangements for childcare. No matter 

what decision the group makes, the best approach is to 

dialogue openly about both the problem and the solution. 


appendicies 113

SMALL GROUP AGREEMENT 

OUR PURPOSE 

To provide an engaging environment where participants experience authentic 

community and spiritual growth. 

OUR VALUES 

●● 

●● 

●● 

Group Attendance 

To give priority to the group meeting. We will call or email if we will 

be late or absent. (Completing the Group Calendar on page 114 will 

minimize this issue.) 

Safe Environment 

To help create a safe place where people can be heard and feel loved. 

(Please, no quick answers, snap judgments, or simple fixes.) 

Respect Differences 

To be gentle and gracious to people with different spiritual maturity, 

personal opinions, temperaments, or “imperfections” in fellow group 

members. We are all works in progress. 

OUR EXPECTATIONS 

●● 

●● 

●● 

●● 

Refreshments/mealtimes 

Childcare 

When we will meet (day of week) 

Where we will meet (place) 

●● 

We will begin at (time) and end at 

●● 

●● 

●● 

●● 

Confidentiality 

To keep anything that is shared strictly confidential and within the 

group, and to avoid sharing improper information about those outside 

the group. 

Encouragement for Growth 

To be not just takers but givers of life. We want to spiritually multiply 

our life by serving others with our God-given gifts. 

Shared Ownership 

To remember that every member is a minister and to ensure that each 

participant will share a small team role or responsibility over time. 

Rotating Hosts/Leaders 

To encourage different people to rotate the responsibility of facilitating 

each meeting. (See the Group Calendar on page 114.) 

●● 

●● 

●● 

●● 

We will do our best to have some or all of us attend a worship service 

together. Our primary worship service time will be 

Date of this agreement 

Date we will review this agreement again 

Who (other than the leader) will review this agreement at the end of 

this study 


appendicies 115

GROUP CALENDAR 

Planning and calendaring can help ensure the greatest participation at 

every meeting. At the end of each meeting, review this calendar. Be sure 

to include a regular rotation of host homes and leaders, and do not forget 

birthdays, socials, church events, holidays, and mission/ministry projects. 

SPIRITUAL PARTNERS’ CHECK-IN 

Briefly check in each week and write down your personal plans and progress 

targets for the next week (or even for the next few weeks). This could 

be done before or after the meeting, on the phone, through an e-mail message, 

or even in person from time to time.2 


appendicies 117

MEMORY VERSE CARDS 

SESSION ONE • JOHN 3:30 (NIV2011) 

He must become greater; I must become less. 

SESSION FOUR • GALATIANS 5:16 (NIV2011) 

So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the 

desires of the flesh. 

SESSION TWO • LUKE 9:23-24 (NIV2011) 

Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must 

deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For 

whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses 

their life for me will save it. 

SESSION FIVE • PSALM 90:12 (NIV2011) 

Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 

SESSION THREE • JOHN 3:30 (NIV2011) 

He must become greater; I must become less. 

SESSION SIX • JOHN 12:24 (NIV2011) 

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the 

ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it 

produces many seeds. 


appendicies 119

HOSTING AN OPEN HOUSE 

If you’re starting a new group, try planning an “open house” before your first 

formal group meeting. Even if you have only two to four core members, it is 

a great way to break the ice and to consider prayerfully who else might be 

open to joining you over the next few weeks. You can also use this kick-off 

meeting to hand out study guides, spend some time getting to know each 

other, discuss each person’s expectations for the group and briefly pray 

for each other. 

SMALL GROUP LEADERS 

KEY RESOURCES TO HELP YOUR 

LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCE BE THE 

BEST IT CAN BE. 

A simple meal or good desserts always make a kick-off meeting more fun. 

After people introduce themselves and share how they ended up being at 

the meeting (you can play a game to see who has the wildest story!), have 

everyone respond to a few icebreaker questions: 

●● 

●● 

What is your favorite family vacation? 

What is one thing you love about your church/our community? 

●● 

What are three things about your life growing up that most people here 

don’t know? 

Next, ask everyone to tell what he or she hopes to get out of the study. 

You might want to review the Small Group Agreement and talk about each 

person’s expectations and priorities. 

Finally, set an open chair (maybe two) in the center of your group and explain 

that it represents someone who would enjoy or benefit from this group 

but who isn’t here yet. Ask people to pray about inviting someone to join the 

group over the next few weeks. Hand out postcards and have everyone write 

an invitation or two. Do not worry about ending up with too many people; 

you can always have one discussion circle in the living room and another in 

the dining room after you watch the lesson. Each group could then report 

prayer requests and progress at the end of the session. 

You can skip this kick-off meeting if your time is limited, but you’ll experience 

a huge benefit if you take the time to connect with each other 

in this way. 


small group leaders 121

LEADING FOR THE FIRST TIME 

TEN COMMON LEADERSHIP EXPERIENCES. 

1. Sweaty palms are a healthy sign. The Bible says God is gracious to the 

humble. Remember who is in control; and soften your heart to the Holy 

Spirit. Those who are soft in heart (and sweaty palmed) are those whom 

God is sure to speak through. 

2. Seek support. Ask your leader, co-leader, or close friend to pray for you 

and prepare with you before the session. Walking through the study will 

help you anticipate potentially difficult questions and discussion topics. 

3. Bring your uniqueness to the study. Lean into who you are and how God 

wants you to uniquely lead the study. 

4. Prepare. Prepare. Prepare. Go through the session several times. If you 

are using the video, listen to the teaching segment. Consider writing 

in a journal or fasting for a day to prepare yourself for what God wants 

to do. Do not wait until the last minute to prepare. 

5. Ask for feedback so you can grow. Perhaps in an email or on cards 

handed out at the study, have everyone write down three things you did 

well and one thing you could improve on. Do not get defensive. Instead, 

show an openness to learn and grow. 

6. Prayerfully consider launching a new group. This does not need to 

happen overnight, but God’s heart is for this to take place over time. 

Not all Christians are called to be leaders or teachers, but we are all 

called to be “shepherds” of a few. 

7. Share with your group what God is doing in your heart. God is searching 

for those whose hearts are fully His. Share your trials and victories. We 

promise that people will relate. 

8. Prayerfully consider whom you would like to pass the baton to next 

week. It’s only fair. God is ready for the next member of your group to 

go on the faith journey you just traveled. Make it fun, and expect God 

to do the rest. 

LEADERSHIP TRAINING 101 

TOP TEN IDEAS FOR NEW LEADERS 

Congratulations! You have responded to the call to help shepherd Jesus’ 

flock. There are few other tasks in the family of God that surpass the 

contribution you will be making. As you prepare to lead, whether it is one 

session or the entire series, here are a few thoughts to keep in mind. We 

encourage you to read these and review them with each new discussion 

leader before he or she leads. 

1. Remember that you are not alone. God knows everything about you, and 

He knew that you would be asked to lead your group. Remember that it 

is common for all good leaders to feel that they are not ready to lead. 

Moses, Solomon, Jeremiah and Timothy were all reluctant to lead. God 

promises, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 

13:5). Whether you are leading for one evening, for several weeks, or 

for a lifetime, you will be blessed as you serve. 

2. Do not try to do it alone. Pray right now for God to help you build a 

healthy leadership team. If you can enlist a co-leader to help you lead 

the group, you will find your experience to be much richer. This is your 

chance to involve as many people as you can in building a healthy group. 

All you have to do is call and ask people to help. You will probably be 

surprised at the response. 

3. Just be yourself. If you won’t be you, who will? God wants you to use 

your unique gifts and temperament. Don’t try to do things exactly like 

another leader; do them in a way that fits you! Just admit it when you 

do not have an answer, and apologize when you make a mistake. Your 

group will love you for it, and you’ll sleep better at night! 

4. Prepare for your meeting ahead of time. Review the session 

and the leader’s notes, and write down your responses to 

each question. Pay special attention to exercises that ask group 

members to do something other than engage in discussion. 



These exercises will help your group live what the Bible teaches, not 

just talk about it. Be sure you understand how an exercise works, and 

bring any necessary supplies (such as paper and pens) to your meeting. 

If the exercise employs one of the items in the appendix, be sure to look 

over that item so you will know how it works. Finally, review “Outline 

for Each Session” so you will remember the purpose of each section 

in the study. 

5. Pray for your group members by name. Before you begin your session, 

go around the room in your mind and pray for each member by name. 

You may want to review the prayer list at least once a week. Ask God 

to use your time together to touch the heart of every person uniquely. 

Expect God to lead you to whomever He wants you to encourage or 

challenge in a special way. If you listen, God will surely lead! 

6. When you ask a question, be patient. Someone will eventually respond. 

Sometimes people need a moment or two of silence to think about the 

question. Keep in mind, if silence doesn’t bother you, it won’t bother 

anyone else. After someone responds, affirm the response with a simple 

“thanks” or “good job.” Then ask, “How about somebody else?” or 

“Would someone who hasn’t shared like to add anything?” Be sensitive 

to new people or reluctant members who aren’t ready to say, pray or do 

anything. If you give them a safe setting, they will blossom over time. 

7. Provide transitions between questions. When guiding the discussion, 

always read aloud the transitional paragraphs and the questions. Ask 

the group if anyone would like to read the paragraph or Bible passage. 

Don’t call on anyone, but ask for a volunteer, and then be patient until 

someone begins. Be sure to thank the person who reads aloud. 

8. Break up into small groups from time to time for deeper discussion. If 

your group has more than seven people, we strongly encourage you to 

have the group gather sometimes in discussion circles of three or four 

people during the Grow Together or SERVE TOGETHER sections of the 

study. With a greater opportunity to talk in a small circle, people will 

connect more with the study, apply more quickly what they’re learning 

and ultimately get more out of it. A small circle also encourages a quiet 

person to participate and tends to minimize the effects of a more vocal 

or dominant member. It can also help people feel more loved in your 

group. When you gather again at the end of the section, you can have 

one person summarize the highlights from each circle. Small circles 

are also helpful during prayer time. People who are unaccustomed 

to praying aloud will feel more comfortable trying it with just two or 

three others. Also, prayer requests won’t take as much time, so circles 

will have more time to actually pray. When you gather back with the 

whole group, you can have one person from each circle briefly update 

everyone on the prayer requests. People are more willing to pray in 

small circles if they know that the whole group will hear all the prayer 

requests. 

9. Rotate facilitators weekly. At the end of each meeting, ask the group 

who should lead the following week. Let the group help select your 

weekly facilitator. You may be perfectly capable of leading each time, 

but you will help others grow in their faith and gifts if you give them 

opportunities to lead. You can use the Small Group Calendar to fill in 

the names of all meeting leaders at once if you prefer. 

10. One final challenge (for new or first time leaders): Before your first 

opportunity to lead, look up each of the five passages listed below. 

Read each one as a devotional exercise to help equip yourself with a 

shepherd’s heart. Trust us on this one. If you do this, you will be more 

than ready for your first meeting. 

MATTHEW 9:36 

1 PETER 5:2-4 

PSALM 23 

EZEKIEL 34:11-16 

1 THESSALONIANS 2:7-8, 11-12 



PRAYER REQUESTS 

PRAISE REPORTS 

SESSION 6 SESSION 5 SESSION 4 SESSION 3 SESSION 2 SESSION 1 



SMALL GROUP ROSTER 

NOTES 

NAME PHONE EMAIL 



130 

40-DAY CHALLENGE

40-Day Challenge

You also want an ePaper? Increase the reach of your titles

Delete template?

Save as template?