Rapport

LIFESTYLE
RApport 50 13
and financial wealth
will enhance your
sense of joy and
well-being, or merely
give you a temporary
high. When we are
motivated by fear,
more will never be
enough. More qualifications, more
salary, more toys, more holidays, more
power will never make you feel fulfilled.
More money and more stuff will never
quash feelings of lack of worthiness.
If you believe that you will only feel
successful when you know for sure that
other people think you are successful,
you are setting yourself up for a lifetime
of frustration and stress. You will search
in vain externally for something that can
only be found within.
An external, wealth-focused, feardriven
definition of success could
be summarised in that phrase often
used to describe the worst aspects of
materialism – buying stuff you don’t
need, with money you don’t have, to
impress people you don’t like. You will
resent other people’s success, because
in your mind, success is a zero-sum
game, there is only so much to go
around. You won’t fully appreciate your
achievements or lifestyle because your
mindset is consumed by the fear of
losing everything, or not being able to
keep up with the Joneses. It’s the same
fear that drives people to cross ethical
and even legal boundaries to satisfy
their flawed definition of success and to
maintain the illusion of their ‘successful’
lifestyle.
Stress, exhaustion, striving but
never arriving, feeling trapped in a
vicious unfulfilling cycle is the price this
definition of success demands. Does that
feel like real success? Not to me.
So what’s the alternative?
The American author and speaker
Dr Brené Brown uses the wonderful
analogy of the mapmaker and the
traveller. Whilst we may choose to
follow a traditional path to ‘success’,
More money and more stuff
will never quash feelings of
lack of worthiness
today, with awareness and courage, we
can be both the mapmaker and traveller
when it comes to our own journey
through life. And the beauty of it is that
we have our own in-built compass to
guide us – our emotions.
As humans we are emotional beings,
we feel emotions all the time. It makes
sense that our definition of success
should focus on the emotions we want
to experience on a daily basis. I refer to
it as – Emotional Success. What would a
new definition of success feel like? How
about this:
• You are able to sleep soundly at night,
free of major worry and stress
• Ripe with curiosity, you devote time to
discovering what lights you up, how
you want to contribute to the world,
the problems you want to solve
• You harness your passions and unique
skills and forge a career that never
feels like work. Your passion becomes
your profession
• You wake in the morning, refreshed
and eager to start the day, full of
possibility
• Your schedule reflects what’s truly
important to you
• You are grateful every day, not only
for all that is wonderful in your life,
but for the challenges that ensure you
keep growing. (Without appreciation
there is no appreciation!)
• You keep your family and friends close
because you know that when all is said
and done, relationships are where the
true joy in life in found
• You appreciate yourself. You
acknowledge everything you do well
every day. You know
that you are always
doing your best (even
when you mess up!)
• Because you value
yourself, you treat
your body with
respect
• You know for sure that your selfworth
has nothing to do with anyone
or anything else, especially your net
worth
• You celebrate your achievements
big and small (celebration being the
antidote to treating life as a neverending
to-do list)
• And you let your financial success
be the bi-product of your emotional
success.
Now that’s a definition of success that
sits better with me!
In addition, behind every goal, every
desired outcome (and indeed behaviour)
is a request to feel more of a positive
emotion. By cutting to the chase and
focusing on emotional success, instead
of asking what do I want, a more
powerful question is: How do I want to
feel? How can I experience more joy,
love and fun in my life, is a question I ask
myself frequently.
When speaking to audiences about
success I use the analogy of a restaurant.
I’m not interested in the set menu
determined by someone else, I’m not
even interested in the à la carte option, I
want to decide what ingredients will go
into my own recipe. My ingredients will
change as I grow through life but they
will always be based on what nourishes
my soul, fuels my passions and what
ultimately fills me full (fulfilment).
The people I know who live this
modern definition of emotional success
all differ from one another, but they are
all uniquely themselves. Paradoxically,
the one thing they do have in common is
that they are not overly concerned with
definitions or labels of success; they’re
too busy enjoying life.
James Sweetman is a Business and Personal Coach, Author and Speaker based in Dublin, Ireland. Find out more about his services at www.jamessweetman.com
or visit his YouTube channel.