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10 | October 13, 2016 | The lake forest leader community LakeForestLeader.com You Know Neen Do you share everything with your spouse? Nina Vallone Guest Columnist While marriage is a union between two people agreeing to share their lives with one another, does that mean they need to share everything? And what is everything, anyway? Emotional intimacy, the kind we all crave in our marriages, involves being vulnerable and open with one another. When we agree to share a life, we share our hopes, dreams and fears. We share our bodies, we share our families of origin, we create a new family sometimes and share our children. We share responsibilities and mortgages. Isn’t that everything? When does intimacy interrupt privacy and does it matter to you? I’m a super private person, and yet, if my husband wants to know something, I answer him honestly. That said, there are things I keep to myself. For example, I don’t tell him that I prefer $22 mascara to the $8 drugstore variety. I may or may not tell him I took a nap instead of going to the grocery store. My husband may not tell me about a deal gone wrong at work. He may decide not to tell me about a conversation he had with his mom that he knows will upset me. Quite frankly, I need some things that I keep to myself and for myself. And Hubs needs the same. One thing I never tell Hubs? What my friends tell me in confidence. Or what we chat about that perhaps he just doesn’t need to know. I think that is an ultimate betrayal in trust. I know women who tell their husbands everything their friends say. Something about that just feels wrong to me. I get that at the end of a fun night, there’s nothing like snuggling up with your husband or wife and chatting about who said what and how funny this person was and can you believe the joke Jake told blahblahblah. But. But. If I’m out with my gal pals and one of them starts talking about how aggravated they are with their job, their own Hubs or how she’s thinking of going on vacation alone, what kind of friend am I to share that with Hubs? She’s telling me, not him. I stopped sharing information with a friend of mine that does share everything with her husband. I stopped trusting her to keep my confidences, big or small. Do our partners need to know all these little things? I don’t think so. I talked with Hubs before writing this column (something I rarely do!) and he and I both agreed on this. Neither of us, in these situations, are telling lies to disguise our true identities from one another. Sharing becomes tricky though, when it involves bigger issues. What if my son goes to my husband about something and asks him not to tell me? Yikes. While I know I don’t need to know everything about my kids, I admit, I kind of want to. That said, I trust Hubs enough to tell me what I need to know. That was tough to type, simply because - my kiddos! Thankfully, we communicate pretty well (Bcommunicators? Please see last week’s column for clarity.) Because of the good and open communication, we both know what needs to be shared and what doesn’t. Sharing can also become tricky if we tell little lies consistently, when we do begin to hide part of our life from our spouse. The more we hide our true selves the more we step away from others. Over time, we create emotional distance. The small, consistent lies add up to a big old life of lies. So what do we share and what do we keep private? It’s different for every relationship, I think. If we truly know our partners and know ourselves, a few secrets here and there are healthy. Hubs doesn’t need to know just how much green juice I buy every week, right? What do you think? How much do you share with your spouse? Let us know. Nina Vallone lives in Lake Forest with her Hubs, two teenagers and her dog, Coco. She’s on a quest to write what she talks about: life, love and the pursuit of getting up after falling, repeatedly. You can find Nina blogging at chicagonow.com/you-know-neen. nfyn From Page 4 Chicago but first developed his ideas about moral injury while working in the area of pediatric disaster response and first responder preparation. The retreats give veterans the opportunity to reveal experiences they have held secret to civilians and fellow warriors. Sternberg said treatment with drugs and traditional psychotherapy have shown only limited success “because it doesn’t get at this basic moral breakdown. It doesn’t heal the split.” That is where the retreats come in. There have been two four-day retreats to date, with another scheduled for Nov. 13-17. They are composed of 20- 27 people, 60 percent of whom are veterans and the remainder are civilians. The veterans range in age from the 70s to 20s. Reporting by Alan P. Henry, Freelance Reporter. Full story at NorthbrookTower. com. THE WINNETKA CURRENT Winnetka presents preservation awards, business construction extensions At Winnetka’s Oct. 4 Village Council meeting, the Village had the chance to salute historic preservation efforts going on in town. According to the Winnetka Landmark Preservation Commission, seven Winnetka property owners and corresponding architects were recently able to restore properties that contained historic character. In a memo to the Council, village planning assistant Ann Klaassen said Village Preservation Awards are given to people who help retain the uniqueness of Winnetka. “The Preservation Awards program seeks to honor those construction projects in the village that have helped preserve the history and character of the village,” Klaassen said. Six of the awarded properties were rehabilitation projects in different parts of the Village and the seventh honor went to the owners and architect of a home that was designed by noted 20th century architect David Adler. According to Winnetka Landmark Preservation Commission chairwoman Louise Holland, after becoming dilapidated, the Adler house was moved and restored from its original location on Laurel Avenue to its current spot on Burr Avenue. According to the commission, the restored home features a new garage and better landscaping. Reporting by Daniel I. Dorfman, Freelance Reporter. Full story at WinnetkaCurrent.com. THE HIGHLAND PARK LANDMARK Residens call BDR3 ‘a punishment’ for failed referendum The Highland Park District 112 School Board met for the committee of the whole meeting Oct. 4 to discuss new and previously drafted options for school boundaries with BDR3 — a school closing plan that would eliminate four elementary schools and one middle school in the district. Chief Technology Officer John Petzke went over the original drafts for BDR3, which were presented to the board at its Sept. 20 meeting, and then presented four revisions to the original drafts. Members of the community were made aware of the drafts and their revisions, and 32 residents, parents and community members expressed their disapproval of them during the public comment portion of the meeting. Some accused the board members of implementing BDR3 as a way to “punish the community” for not passing the March referendum. “BDR3 seems very retaliatory,“ Highland Park resident Meghan Poulsom said. “It seems like we’re being punished for not passing the plan. I think it’s ridiculous.” Much of the concern dealt with parents worrying about their children being taken out of their neighborhood schools. Another large concern expressed during public comment was that residents will have a difficult time selling their homes because of BDR3. Reporting by Erin Yarnall, Freelance Reporter. Full story at HPLandmark.com.
LakeForestLeader.com lake forest the lake forest leader | October 13, 2016 | 11 HOMES & CONDOMINIUMS TEL 847.234.1800 kelmscottpark .COM Maintenance-free living in a lushly landscaped setting at Laurel and Western Avenues. Sales Center Now Open. DEVELOPED BY REPRESENTED BY
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