Aon Quartely Magazine

Jokes &
Quotes
By Sydney Obonyo
The Raise
Sam walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I
know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies
after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After
a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise,
and Sam happily gets up to leave. “By the way”, asks the boss as
Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?” “The
electric company, water company, and phone company”, Sam
replied.
The Salary
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources
Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the University, “And
what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies,
“In the region of Kshs.12,000,000 a year, depending on the
benefits package.”
The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a
package of five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical
and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of
salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red
Range rover?”
The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
Funny Quotes & One-liners
There is a new trend in our office; everyone is putting names on
their food. I saw it today, while I was eating a sandwich named
Kevin.
We never knew he was a drunk... until he showed up to work
sober.
Don’t be irreplaceable - if you cannot be replaced, you cannot
be promoted.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small
donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass
of water.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra
weight, live longer than the men who mention it.
Do you know that tingly little feeling you get when you like
someone? That’s your common sense leaving your body.
Very strange Newspaper Headlines
“Man Accused of Killing lawyer receives a New Attorney.”
“County to pay Kshs. 25,000,000 to advertise lack of funds.”
“Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after
age 25.”
Employee Motivation
The owner of a company tells his employees:
“You worked very hard this year, therefore the company’s
profits increased dramatically. As a reward, I ‘m giving everyone
a cheque for Kshs. 500,000.”
Thrilled, the employees gather round and high five one another.
“And if you work with the same zeal next year, I’ll sign those
cheques!”