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When she went to bed, he tore the page out of the magazine and
tucked it into his wallet so he’d know exactly which perfume to
buy. He remembered the tender way she’d dabbed a little behind
each ear and on her wrists when he’d taken her out on New Year’s
Eve, and how pretty she’d looked in the black cocktail dress she
was wearing. In the restaurant, Kevin had noticed the way other
men, even those with dates, had glanced in her direction as she
passed by them on the way to the table. Afterward, when they’d
returned home, they made love as the New Year rolled in.
The dress was still there, hanging in the same place, bringing back
those memories. A week ago, he remembered removing it from
the hanger and holding it as he’d sat on the edge of the bed and
cried.
Outside, he could hear the steady sound of crickets but it did
nothing to soothe him. Though it was supposed to have been a
relaxing day, he was tired. He hadn’t wanted to go to the
barbecue, hadn’t wanted to answer questions about Erin, hadn’t
wanted to lie. Not because lying bothered him, but because it was
hard to keep up the pretense that Erin hadn’t left him. He’d
invented a story and had been sticking to it for months: that Erin
called every night, that she’d been home the last few days but had
gone back to New Hampshire, that the friend was undergoing
chemotherapy and needed Erin’s help. He knew he couldn’t keep
that up forever, that soon the helping-a-friend excuse would begin
to sound hollow and people would begin to wonder why they
never saw Erin in church or at the store or even around the
neighborhood or how long she would continue to help her friend.
They’d talk about him behind his back and say things like, Erin
must have left him, and I guess their marriage wasn’t as perfect as I
thought it was. The thought made his stomach clench, reminding
him that he hadn’t eaten.
There wasn’t much in the refrigerator. Erin always had turkey and
ham and Dijon mustard and fresh rye bread from the bakery, but
his only choice now was whether to reheat the Mongolian beef