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his wife and she would never forgive him. She’d be angry and
she’d tell him to sleep on the couch and in the morning she would
look at him with disappointment because he was a sinner and she
would never trust him again. He shivered, feeling nauseated. He
slept with another woman and the Bible says Have nothing to do
with sexual sin, impurity, lust, and shameful desires. It was all so
confusing and he wanted to stop thinking but he couldn’t. He
wanted to drink but he couldn’t and he had the feeling that Erin
would suddenly appear at their doorstep.
The house was messy and dirty and Erin would know what he’d
done, and even though his thoughts were jumbled, he knew those
two things were linked. He paced the living room frantically.
Dirty and cheating were linked because cheating was dirty and
Erin would know that he’d cheated because the house was dirty,
and the two of them went together. Suddenly, he stopped pacing
and he strode to the kitchen and found a garbage bag beneath the
sink. In the living room, he dropped to his knees and crawled
around, filling it with empty takeout containers and magazines
and plastic utensils and empty bottles of vodka and pizza boxes. It
was well past midnight and he didn’t have to work in the
morning, so he stayed awake cleaning the house and doing the
dishes and running the vacuum that he’d bought for Erin. He
cleaned so she wouldn’t know, because he knew that cheating and
dirty went together. He put the dirty clothes in the washer and
when they were done he dried them and folded them while other
loads were washing and drying. The sun came up and he pulled
the cushions from the sofa and vacuumed until all the crumbs
were gone. As he worked, he glanced out the window, knowing
Erin would be home any minute. He scrubbed the toilet and
washed the food stains from the refrigerator and mopped the
linoleum. Dawn turned to morning and then to late morning. He
washed the sheets and opened the drapes and dusted the frame
that held the photograph of their wedding day. He mowed the
lawn and emptied the clippings in the garbage can and when he
was done he went shopping and bought turkey and ham and