EASONS

FINAL THOUGHTS
Written by Matthew Dicks
Illustrated by Sean Wang
Ode to April Fools’ Day
Sunrise. I step outside my apartment
and head for the parking lot. As I
turn the corner, I laugh. The first
car in a long row of cars is no longer
visible. Every inch of the vehicle is
covered in toilet paper. There is so much
toilet paper covering this car that its
actual shape is no longer discernible. It’s
only the suggestion of an automobile.
I shake my head. “Sucker,” I whisper
aloud, as I proceed down the row of cars
to my own. It’s only when I reach the
end of the row that my heart sinks.
That’s my car. My car is buried in
toilet paper.
Then it occurs to me what day it is:
April 1. April Fools’ Day.
Half an hour later, I have removed
–I later learned–exactly 100 rolls of
toilet paper. And pinned beneath
my windshield wipers, I find a small,
rectangular block of wood inscribed with
a flourish: Daughters of Triton.
I know exactly who is responsible:
Sherry and Jen. Friends and coconspirators.
Despite the frustration and difficulty
of removing pounds of toilet tissue, I am
thrilled with the success of my friends’
prank. It was executed perfectly. I am
rightfully impressed.
I’m a fan of April Fools’ Day. I
look forward to it every year. I don’t
think April Fools’ Day gets the respect it
deserves. Unlike the religious holidays,
which divide us by our beliefs, or
Thanksgiving, which requires us to visit
with relatives who we’d never choose
as friends, or even Groundhog Day,
which celebrates the prognosticating
powers of an ambivalent rodent, April
Fools’ Day is a tradition that invites
all comers (even those who had no
intention of participating). It’s a holiday
that demands creativity, originality,
sneakiness, and patience. It rewards skill
and strategy.
Best of all, every April Fools’ Day is
different from the last. If done well, an
April Fools’ Day caper is unforgettable.
The best April Fools’ Day trick ever
played on me occurred the year after
the great toilet papering prank of 1991.
On April 1, 1992, my friend, Kate,
informed me she was pregnant. She was
waiting to tell people, she explained, but
she had decided to trust me with this
momentous news.
I felt honored. Revered. I couldn’t
believe the faith Kate had placed in me.
Seasons of West Hartford • SPRING 2017 47