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<strong>Education</strong> Magazine<br />
lives are exactly what they, the parents, say they will be.<br />
Lawnmowing like this can pay off in good grades and<br />
successful qualifications. But it can also cause terrible damage.<br />
Parents can end up stressed, exhausted, and disappointed,<br />
while their children can grow up into flabby, entitled adults<br />
expecting the world to deliver them a charmed life with no<br />
effort on their own behalf, or into angry, rebellious ones<br />
desperate to claw free from their over-controlling families.<br />
In America things have got so bad that some college<br />
campuses have banned parents from entering their<br />
gates. It would never get that bad here. Or would it?<br />
Are you a lawnmower parent?<br />
Your childminder/nanny/babysitter suggests that<br />
your child’s behaviour is not entirely perfect. Do you<br />
sack them on the spot? Without a reference?<br />
Have you ever completed a homework assignment<br />
or project on your child’s behalf? Is that perfect<br />
cardboard model windmill actually yours?<br />
Your child biffs a playmate on the head, starting a squabble.<br />
Is your response, “That horrible little bully! He provoked you.<br />
I’m telling his parents he’s never coming to our house again.”?<br />
Your child gets a B, not an A for an important piece of<br />
work. Do you drive up to school to demand it be re-marked?<br />
Your child is not given a big enough part in the school<br />
concert, or picked for the top sports teams. Do you protest<br />
vehemently to the school until they put the matter right?<br />
At university entrance time, do you write your child’s<br />
glowing personal statement for them, then organise toplevel<br />
summer internships to help them on their way?<br />
freeimages.com/Krishnan Gopakumar<br />
And here’s some ways of avoiding<br />
the lawnmower trap<br />
Let your child do things for themselves as soon as possible –<br />
tie shoes, put laundry in the basket, do their own homework.<br />
Encourage them to develop their own voice – by asking<br />
for what they want in shops and restaurants, and by<br />
talking to their friends’ parents and your adult friends.<br />
If a problem comes up, talk with your child about ways<br />
to solve it. Let them start to have ideas and discuss with<br />
you what they could do to solve their own difficulties.<br />
Let them fail and learn from it. If they’ve got a bad mark<br />
for a piece of work, or been mean to a friend, or played<br />
rough on the soccer pitch, encourage them to consider what<br />
went wrong and what they could do next time round.<br />
Back off on the expectations. Praise participation and<br />
effort whenever you see your child trying, but don’t make<br />
them feel a failure if they don’t come top of the class.<br />
Leave them alone. Let them sometimes get bored and<br />
dirty, and be free to follow the dreams in their head and the<br />
winding paths of their friendships. Always remember that<br />
your child’s lives and achievements belong to them, not you.<br />
Hilary Wilce is an education writer and life coach.<br />
Her two e-books for parents, Backbone: how to build<br />
the character your child needs to succeed and The Six<br />
Secrets of School Success are available on Amazon.<br />
35 wealdentimes.co.uk
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