MSWA Bulletin Magazine Spring

COUNSELLING & COFFEE –
WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE?
ROB ORR, MSWA COUNSELLOR
It’s commonly accepted wisdom that if you are experiencing
some life difficulty and/or emotional distress, talking about
it to someone can be helpful. We believe in expressions like
’don’t bottle things up’, ‘get it out in the open’, ‘a problem
shared is a problem halved’ and many more – all of which
support this idea. When discussing the concept of meeting
with a counsellor, you might also hear people say “Having
coffee with a friend (or a beer with your mates), is all the
therapy you need”.
It’s true that talking to a friend can help you sort through your
thoughts and put problems in perspective. They might just
listen sympathetically, or may suggest solutions. Typically you
would expect to feel comfortable and emotionally supported
by your friend, who also knows you and your past history.
It’s reasonable to raise the question, “Do you need a friend
or a counsellor?”, when it seems that talking with a friend
produces tangible benefits.
First, it’s important to understand that counselling and coffee
aren’t mutually exclusive – you don’t need to do one OR the
other. It’s perfectly fine and appropriate to do both.
Second, there are several reasons why, although you have
good friends to talk to, you may want to consider including
meeting with a counsellor as well. Some of the differences
between meeting with a friend and meeting with a counsellor
include the following:
• Friendship is based on each person getting a chance to
share their thoughts and their problems. When you meet
with a counsellor you get a chance to make that time all
about you.
• A counsellor is objective – they stand outside your life, don’t
judge, and don’t have a history with you and other people
in your life. This allows them to be non-judgmental, and to
suggest solutions which you may not have thought of.
• Counsellors are professionals, trained to be effective
listeners. A counsellor will notice your patterns of behaviour
that are unproductive, and utilise strategies that have been
shown to assist in changing those behaviours.
• Although you’d expect friends to keep confidences you may
tell them, sometimes your friend may end up in an awkward
social situation as a result. A counsellor is a professional
who always maintains confidentiality according to
ethical guidelines, and won’t end up under pressure to
divulge confidences.
• If you are facing a serious long-term challenge, you may
need to talk about the problems over a longer period than
a friend is comfortable listening to them. A counsellor will
understand this and ‘meet you where you are at’, not where
a friend ‘thinks you should be’.
• A friend might prefer for you to move on in life, but providing
support and a sympathetic ear doesn’t always achieve that.
Often when discussing problems with a friend the focus
is on other people you may both know, and how they
have behaved.
• Because of counsellor objectivity and the nature of the
counselling relationship, the focus is on you, and what you
can do to improve. A counsellor is skilled at helping you
move on beyond your current situation.
• As wonderful as friends are, sometimes you require an
expert to help you to cope with the difficulties that you’re
experiencing, as difficulties arise that the best of friends
do not have the expertise to help us tackle. Placing an
additional ‘counselling’ expectation on a friendship can also
cause unnecessary strain on that friendship.
These points serve to highlight the differences between
talking with a friend and meeting with a professional
counsellor. To summarise, a chat with a friend should leave
you feeling good, accepted and cared about. A series of
meetings with a counsellor should leave you feeling listened
to, understood, and should assist you in moving on with your
life in a professional way.
So, do you need a friend or a counsellor? Thankfully, you
don’t need to choose, both have their place, and you can
enjoy the benefits that each provides.
MSWA BULLETIN SPRING 2017 | 15