Vegas Voice 11-17 web

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. A guy called the fire
department in a panic. He
yelled: “Can you come quick? My
house is on fire!”
The fireman answered: “How do we get there?” He responded: “Don’t
you have those red trucks anymore?”
2. At no time is Freedom of Speech more precious than when a man
hits his thumb with a hammer.
3. What’s the difference between a wife and a mistress? Day and night.
4. A marriage certificate is a clever way of saying: Work Permit.
5. All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them
sooner.
6. My friend Warren said if he wasn’t being frisked at the airport, he’d
never have a sex life.
7. The key to life is sincerity. And once you can fake that, you’ve got
it made.
8. You can’t “pin anything” on a nudist!
9. One problem with old age. You may still have it, but nobody wants
to see it!
10. My secret to looking young? I hang out with old people.
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November 2017
Marty’s Top Ten
By: Marty Allen / Hello Dere
For over the past decade, Marty Allen has performed with his on
and off stage singing partner Karon Kate Blackwell.
Things to Do
By: Bill Caserta / Bill’s Blurbs
1
. At lunch time, sit in your parked car (with
your sunglasses on) point a hair dryer at
passing cars and watch the cars pass by.
2. On all your check stubs, write: “Cocaine Purchase.”
3. Skip down the street rather than walk. Watch how many looks
you get.
4. With a serious face, order a “Diet Water” whenever you go out to
eat.
5. Sing along at the opera.
6. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream: “I Won! I Won!”
7. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the cars parked,
yelling: “Run for Your Lives! They're Loose!”
8. Tell your children over dinner: “Due to the economy, we are going
to have to let one of you go.”
9. Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter and
ask where the fitting room is.
And my very favorite:
10. Go to a large Department store’s fitting room, drop your drawers
to your ankles and yell out, “There’s no paper in here!”
A Bill Blurb “thank you” to Renee R. for her contribution.
What the…
Why is it that people say, “they slept like a baby” when babies wake
up every two-hour crying?
Why do you have to “put your two cents in” but it’s only a “penny
for your thoughts?”
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
And how is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out
it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Bill Caserta is the Project Director for The Vegas Voice and
has a very “unique” sense of humor. He welcomes all funny
submissions at: bill@thevegasvoice.net.
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