Get Out! GAY Magazine – Issue 341 – November 8, 2017

stories GET OUT! MAGAZINE >> GETOUTMAG.COM
BY IAN-MICHAEL BERGERON
@ianmichaelinwonderland
Uneducated
PART THREE
I wish that my story with G
was different.
I wish that he had never
contracted HIV, never had to
deal with doctors and meds
and stigma. I wish I asked
questions when he told me
he was undetectable. I wish I
asked him on a second date.
I wish I wasn’t the character
that was afraid to be with
someone because they’re
HIV positive. I wish I was
the character that was
understanding, and loving,
and smart.
We all have regrets. These
are mine.
It took me completely by
surprise when, six months
later, I got a message from
him wanting to meet up. This
is it, I told myself. He wants to
hear me out; he wants to give
me a second chance. I may
not deserve it, but hell, I’m
going to run with it.
I got to the bar an hour early:
When he arrived, I tried to
hide my merlot-red tongue.
“Hey,” I said quietly.
“Hey, you.” I tried to read
his inflection, calm and cool,
tried to read his smile—
longing? Forced? Mostly, I
just thought he looked tired.
“I’m sorry it’s been so hard for
us to get together. Work has
been really nuts.”
“It’s fine.” My chest felt tight:
I wanted to say I was sorry,
I wanted to leap across the
table and kiss him and hold
him and beg him to give me
another chance. “Really. You
don’t have to make up any
excuses.”
“Excuses? No, I’m serious!”
He went on to tell me about
the last six months, how
he grew to hate his work,
how every day became a
chore, how he could barely
get out of bed some days.
Then there was a new job
prospect, the interviews, the
offer, and finally they pulled
out at the last minute, after
he’d quit the last job. And,
recently, there was the new
job, one that paid better, one
that finally made him happy.
“I have a lot more power
over the online content I put
together for them, and I want
you to write for me.”
I couldn’t process the
information. “What?”
“It’s not creative, and
they’ll tax the hell out of
you for freelance work,
but it’s a paying job and
another credit on your
resume.”
“That’s why you wanted
to meet up?”
“Yeah! I’ve been thinking
of ways to get you to
write for me since we
met, it just never came
through at my last job.”
He wasn’t interested
in dating me—but he
clearly cared about me
in some capacity. I’m
not want to turn down
a friendship, not from
someone like G.
I took the job, and started
seeing him at least every
month to catch up. G made
me look at myself, see my
ignorance, and helped me
grow. I only hope I can be
better for the next boy that
comes my way.
PHOTO BY STEVE BRENNAN