Reflections

Dear FS,
November 1988
Ft. Worth, TX
How are you? I haven’t heard from you in such a long time. I
hardly remember how you looked or felt or spoke. It seems
that we have been playing hide-and-seek these last few years.
Once, a long time ago, I thought I had embraced you, but the
embrace was only an illusion – a bittersweet breath of
freedom!
For a time after, you talked through my pen, writing long
letters and poems and stories – things about lonely little girls
and purple thistles and white cats and spilt milk. You gave me
beautiful words, and I, fool that I am, believed that you were
part of me, that those bright mind images would always light
my path. Not so, for one day the light went out and you were
gone.
You were the part of me that was truly ME. If I pursue you, I
fear that I will lose all that I cherish in this world. If I don’t, I
fear that I will lose the best of myself. Is there no compromise,
no middle ground, no way to negotiate a settlement?
Maybe we can get together for lunch. I want you to come back
for a visit if possible – or maybe I can come to you.
I love you,
Harriett Lillard
Letter to my free spirit
˜
Harriett, 1986
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