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WWW.DAILYHERITAGE.COM.GH<br />

DAILY HERITAGE THURSDAY, NOVEMBER <strong>16</strong>, 2017<br />

Letter from Africa:<br />

Parenting culture clash<br />

BY ELIZABETH OHENE<br />

AS PART of series of<br />

letters from African<br />

journalists, Elizabeth<br />

Ohene looks at how<br />

parenting styles in<br />

Ghana compares to those in the<br />

United States (US).<br />

I have been conducting my<br />

own totally unscientific survey of<br />

the difference between children<br />

brought up in Ghana and those<br />

brought up in the US.<br />

If you asked me which children<br />

are the better behaved, American<br />

or Ghanaian, I would have no hesitation<br />

in opting for the Ghanaian<br />

ones.<br />

I suppose there would be no<br />

surprise in such an answer.<br />

I am an old Ghanaian woman<br />

and my definition of a well-behaved<br />

child is probably weighted<br />

towards one that is liberal with<br />

pleasantries: "Please", "sir",<br />

"madam", "thank you", and knows<br />

it is unacceptable to address someone<br />

older in a "naked", unadorned<br />

manner - to borrow a touch of<br />

Ghanaian English.<br />

In other words, it is a sign of<br />

bad upbringing to call an elder<br />

person without a title, as in calling<br />

me Elizabeth without "Auntie", or<br />

"Da", or "Madam" or "Miss" or<br />

whatever title comes to mind.<br />

A child brought up in the US<br />

would call me Elizabeth and a<br />

child brought up in Ghana would<br />

find a title to add to the Elizabeth.<br />

In my part of the world, children<br />

speak and behave, or are expected<br />

to behave, differently from<br />

grown-ups.<br />

Admittedly this is a culturally<br />

biased perception, but there is<br />

•Elizabeth Ohene's grandmother felt children<br />

should not be in a hurry to grow up<br />

nothing new in that.<br />

Now if you asked me which<br />

children are the happier lot, American<br />

or Ghanaian, I would probably<br />

say the Ghanaian ones.<br />

However, I now hesitate about<br />

this conclusion after I was recently<br />

told that many Ghanaian children<br />

now believe happiness is measured<br />

by how many times their parents<br />

buy them Kentucky Fried<br />

Chicken.<br />

I have to add that the KFC<br />

fast-food chain made an entry into<br />

Ghana about two years ago.<br />

On that basis, of course, the<br />

American children must be miles<br />

ahead of the Ghanaian children in<br />

the happiness league.<br />

Does acknowledging your<br />

child's opinion help to build their<br />

confidence?<br />

I have tried to check on my<br />

"Yes Auntie Elizabeth" child and<br />

compare them to the "Yes Elizabeth"<br />

child in later life to see if<br />

being brought up to say "Auntie",<br />

• Ghanaian children tend not to address<br />

adults by just their first names<br />

A child<br />

brought<br />

up in the<br />

US would<br />

call me<br />

Elizabeth<br />

and a child<br />

brought up in<br />

Ghana would<br />

find a title to<br />

add to the<br />

Elizabeth.<br />

•Does acknowledging your child's<br />

opinion help to build their confidence?<br />

"Sir" or "Madam" makes any difference<br />

in their lives.<br />

I confess the results are mixed<br />

and I am therefore beginning to<br />

think my judgement on a child<br />

being well brought up does not affect<br />

that child's performance in<br />

later life.<br />

There are some unadorned<br />

"Elizabeth" callers that seem to be<br />

doing as well and sometimes even<br />

better than some of the "Auntie<br />

Elizabeth" callers.<br />

Controlling parents<br />

It is predictable therefore that I<br />

was excited but not quite sure<br />

what to make of the recent survey<br />

done by an American university on<br />

the parenting of adolescent children<br />

in Ghana and the US.<br />

In the study, by Clark University,<br />

across two cultures, it was<br />

found that "when parents acknowledge<br />

the perspectives of<br />

their adolescent children and encourage<br />

them to express themselves,<br />

the young people have a<br />

stronger sense of self-worth, intrinsic<br />

motivation, and engagement<br />

and there is less depression".<br />

The teenagers answered questions<br />

about the extent to which<br />

their parents acknowledged their<br />

point of view and allowed them to<br />

make decisions, have choices, and<br />

express their opinions.<br />

Questionnaires also assessed<br />

the extent to which adolescents<br />

perceived their parents as controlling<br />

their behaviour, as well as<br />

their academic motivation, sense<br />

of self-worth, level of depression<br />

and perception of themselves as<br />

independent from their parents<br />

or as a unit with their parents.<br />

Something tells me these<br />

are words, which when<br />

stripped of the fancy<br />

cloak of academic verbiage,<br />

mean allowing<br />

children to behave like<br />

grown-ups.<br />

Elizabeth Ohene's<br />

grandmother felt children<br />

should not be in a<br />

hurry to grow up<br />

The study also found<br />

that allowing adolescents<br />

to make decisions and have<br />

choices was associated with<br />

positive outcomes only in the<br />

US.<br />

In other words, the Ghanaian<br />

parents tended to believe that they<br />

should make the big decisions for<br />

their children.<br />

I am not at all sure whether a<br />

child having to say "please",<br />

"thank you", "sir", "madam" or<br />

curtseying and bowing to greet an<br />

elder person count as not allowing<br />

children to make decisions, but I<br />

do know that over here in Ghana,<br />

we do like to have some distinction<br />

between grown-ups and children.<br />

As my sainted grandmother of<br />

old used to say, "You will have a<br />

lot of time to be a grown-up, there<br />

is no need to hurry your childhood."<br />

In other words, you will have a<br />

lot of time to make decisions,<br />

some of which will be disastrous;<br />

enjoy the period in which your<br />

parents are making the decisions<br />

for you.<br />

At least you would have someone<br />

to blame.

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