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Welcoming
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EDITOR’S
NOTE
Lacey Johnson
WHEN I ACCEPTED my role as lead editor for The
Connect in the spring of this year, I told my
CEO, Eric Jordan, “I want to show that success
does not look like one thing, but that it feels like
a singular thing: the fulfillment of the highest
expression of one’s unique desires and gifts.”
I remain true to this, although I have learned that the pinnacle of
that fulfillment isn’t the only realization of success per se; the journey
and reaching towards that fulfillment is part of it as well. That’s where
all of the magic hangs out.
To say I am gratified by this issue would be the understatement
of 2017. I have poured so much of myself into the creation of its
content, and I’m extremely proud of my team as well. I hope these
pages bring you joy. I hope they invite you to be more compassionate
and conscious, while serving as a reminder that the aspects of your
personality which are most celebratory of others (and life in general) are
no accident at all. I hope they smack you with the belief that faith and
willpower can defy statistics, and that there is dynamite power in the
refusal to give up on what your heart is screaming that you must do.
I have written a mantra (originally published this time last year
to my personal brand, TheDailyDoll.com), and I wish to share it with
all of you. Please know it is no random occurrence that your eyes are
meeting these words. These words are for you. I hope you will fold
them inside of any doubts you may be wrestling with as you step into
2018. Print it out and post it on your mirror or fold it into your wallet.
Above all, live it:
I DARE YOU TO PROSPER. I dare you to not merely stand in
the shadowed parks of what is most familiar, admiring your city of
lights from a distance, but to build a bridge and meet your dreams
where they are realized. I dare you to be uncomfortable, and to be
refined by the red-hot flames of that discomfort.
I DARE YOU TO FOLLOW THE VOICE OF YOUR INSTINCT.
I dare you to be led by the fragrance of your heart’s desire. I dare
you to reach with a mighty
fist into the ether, and pull
every glittering dream into
the constructs of your reality.
I dare your wishes and beliefs
to align. I dare you to get it
right this time.
God bless you.
PUBLISHER, CEO
ERIC JORDAN
ejordan@theconnectmagazine.com
PARTNER
DR. EDDIE D. HAMILTON, MD, FAAP
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
LACEY JOHNSON
ljohnson@theconnectmagazine.com
EDITORIAL INTERN
MADISON YAUGER
DIRECTOR OF VIDEOGRAPHY
CHRIS HOLLO
HEAD PHOTOGRAPHER
BARBARA POTTER
bpotter@theconnectmagazine.com
PHOTOGRAPHER
DEVIN WILLIAMS
DIRECTOR OF COMMUNITY ENGAGEMENT
CAROLYN MCHANEY-WALLER
Carolyn.waller@zeitlin.com
DIRECT CONNECT
SUSAN VANDERBILT
susanvanderbilt@entreesavvy.com
SENIOR WRITERS
DR. MING WANG
JACKIE NENTWICK
JOE SCARLETT
KEELAH JACKSON
TONI LEPESKA
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS & PHOTOGRAPHERS
GRAHAM HONEYCUTT - Empowerment
DAWN MASON - Family & Relationships
TORI TATE THOMAS - Branding & Marketing
MISHON LANDRY - Diversity
DIRECTOR OF SALES
ERIC JORDAN
PUBLISHERS AND SALES REPRESENTATIVES
Help Wanted: Join Our Team
ALABAMA FLORIDA
GEORGIA KENTUCKY
LOUISIANA MISSISSIPPI
TENNESSEE VIRGINIA
ADVERTISING INQUIRIES
advertise@theconnectmagazine.com
For all editorial pitches and submissions, please contact
Lacey Johnson at ljohnson@theconnectmagazine.com.
Sincerely,
“PUTTING YOUR BUSINESS IN CLIENTS’ HANDS”
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
PHOTOGRAPHY BY: ANTONIO FAJARDO
4 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

WHILE PREPARING FOR our final issue
of 2017, I was faced with a daunting
challenge: With Deepak Chopra as our
previous cover story, how was I going
to make this one as special?
It seems appropriate that this issue of The Connect
magazine is focused on the subject of faith, considering
all the recent attention given to purposeful living. As the
magazine enters its fourth year of publication, I cannot help
but reflect on the wide variety of events and developments
there have been along the way, including the opportunity
to start Stay Connected! Knowledge Academies, which is
our subsidiary and first student-driven magazine.
I recall saying to myself several years ago,”How cool
would it be to start a kid’s magazine, challenging kids to
think outside of the box while getting them excited about
writing?” In 2015, I clearly remember coaxing a local
investor into helping me find commercial real estate. I
had this vision of having an actual Connect Center. The
Magazine did a fantastic job inspiring individuals as we
explored the nuances of successful living. However, my
dream was to have a physical building used as a career
development center. I have often asked myself, “How
did you make it this far without a business loan or angel
investors?” The answer is simple: “Trust the Process.”
I have learned: Concentrate on counting your blessings
and you’ll have little time to worry about anything else.
I believe we all want to live a successful life; whatever
success means to us personally. Unfortunately, our words
often don’t reflect that. If words have power, that means
everything you say is shaping your life and the lives of
others. You may not feel it or see it the minute you speak
it, but those words are planting seeds. Each one of us are
trying to figure out this thing called life. Sometimes we’ll
need some a break, a chance, a Connect, or an opportunity.
Sometimes, we just need someone to show us some
compassion and kindness. If you’ve ever had someone help
you in some special way, remember how it felt and keep
that feeling in mind when the opportunity arises for you to
help someone else.
“If you’re not making someone else’s life better, then
you’re wasting your time. Your life will become better by
making other lives better.” - Will Smith
As 2017 comes to a close, I challenge each of you to
find at least one article from the previous issue of
The Connect that inspired you most. Please share the article
with a friend or loved one. After reading the article again,
take a few minutes to write down your goals for 2018.
Choose the goal that matters most to you and will have
the most positive impact on your life. Once you choose
that goal, make sure to write it down where you can see it
daily so that it stays in the forefront of your mind. Finally,
believe that your words have POWER. Speak them into
existence. The success of The Connect magazine is because
individuals took a chance on the dream, vision, goal,
purpose and passion I have for connecting others.
Best of luck pursuing your goals in 2018. Please keep
the faith and, as always, “Trust the Process.”
CEO/PUBLISHER
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
THE CONNECT MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2017/2018 5

14
CONTENTS
HOLIDAY 2017/2018
Cover Story 24
HOW HOLLYWOOD PUBLICIST KIKI AYERS WENT FROM
HOMELESS TO BOSS LADY
She crawled her way from homelessness to reporting from red carpets and
building a publicity empire.
24
Features 14
MEET VERONICA T. MALLETT: THE MODERN WOMAN’S HEALTH
INNOVATOR & DIVERSITY EDUCATOR
There was never any stopping this renaissance woman.
16
16 LIFE-THREATENING HARDSHIPS MADE THESE TWO
ENTREPRENEURS UNSTOPPABLE
Two unrelated stories. Both shining examples of how life’s hardships always
gift us with something.
30
BOOK CLUB: NEW YORK TIMES BEST-SELLING AUTHOR DANIELLE
WALKER’S “CELEBRATIONS”
Millions have improved their lives with her delicious recipes. We think
this calls for a celebration.
32
HOLLER & DASH IS SERVING UP HOT BISCUITS, MODERN STYLE &
AGE-OLD TRADITION
This stylish biscuit house is a Millennial hotspot - still aligned with the family
values from which it came.
36
BRANDING LEGEND LOUIS UPKINS HAS DEVOTED
HIS LIFE TO ANCHORING PURPOSE
This legendary branding mentor invites you to live with absolute intention.
38
XMI IS GUIDING SMALL BUSINESSES TO THEIR FULL POTENTIAL
All small businesses hope to launch themselves to a high platform. XMI delivers.
42
44
Columns 12
THE ASIAN ART MUSEUM IN SAN FRANCISCO UNITES THE
PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE
From the ancient to the contemporary, creative goldmines rest inside
of these walls.
BECOME YOUR HEALTHIEST VERSION STARTING RIGHT WHERE YOU
ARE
These two health gurus say all transformations begin with making
the next right decision.
SUNSET RESOLUTIONS: 5 WAYS TO MOVE ONWARD AND UPWARD
TOWARD THE NEW YEAR
Don’t let the sun set on this year’s missed intentions. Time and tide wait for no one.
30
32
36
19
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON’T GET YOUR DREAM JOB
It stings to not be picked. But it also may lead you to your big opportunity.
21
5 WAYS TO BE MORE INCLUSIVE IN THE WORKPLACE (AND WIN!)
23
41
47
48
I AM A BRAND; NOW WHAT?
You’re trying to build something awesome. Be not afraid to shout it to the world.
HOW TO BUILD A STRONG IMAGE IN THE NEW YEAR & BEYOND
Showing is more powerful than telling.
THE POWER OF KEEPING THE LOVE TANKS FULL
Knowing your partner’s love language can deepen and heal your connection.
I KNOW WHY YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS FAILED THIS YEAR
Change won’t come as long as the same old lawbreaker is divvying
out all of the rules.
42
The Connect Magazine is a quarterly lifestyle publication and
online media source committed to engaging our diverse audience
through empowering and impactful stories of entrepreneurs,
young professionals and businesses in pursuit of creating positive
ripples throughout the world, through efforts large and small.
6 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

SUCCESS & MOTIVATION
HOW TO BUILD A STRONG IMAGE
IN THE NEW YEAR AND BEYOND
WRITTEN BY: JOE SCARLETT
THE WAY OTHERS view you may have a lot more impact
on your long-term career prospects than you think.
Accomplishment always comes first, but your image in the
workplace is a close second.
Knowing this, how does one craft their image the right
way? We have established that image is important, but we also know
there is a fine line between tastefully promoting yourself and just plain
bragging. We have all listened to folks who want to do nothing but talk
about themselves—all they have accomplished in previous years, all the
people they know, even all the things they did over the weekend! Bor-ing!
That is exactly the wrong way to go about earning a respectable image.
A much better way to do this is to show them who you are. Showing
is more powerful than telling. Going into the new year, make it a goal
to become a solid contributor and a good team player—pursuing only
positive and constructive subjects in your organization. The following
are eight key suggestions for guiding you on how to tastefully and
professionally go about promoting your best image.
1 BE VISIBLE
Make time to walk around and talk to people. Get to know your team,
your peers and those in higher-level positions. Attend company events and
social gatherings. Do your duties accurately and on time, but don’t be a
full-time slave to your workstation. Make sure others know who you are.
2 LOOK AND ACT PROFESSIONAL
Dress for the position and - if you’re ever in doubt - dress one level up.
Dress more like the boss than those on your existing level of leadership.
Greet others with a firm handshake and look them in the eye. Stay
connected—don’t drift—during conversation.
3 BE A CONVERSATIONALIST
Keep a few good questions in your head so you can easily kick off any
conversation. As we know, people like to talk about themselves, so
probe deeper on topics that seem important to them. Pay attention, be
engaged and make the person you’re communicating with feel like the
conversation is the most important thing on your mind.
4 NETWORK
Get to know key folks both inside and outside your organization in more
than just a casual way. Take the initiative to schedule coffee or lunch
with those you want to get to know. Follow up on your networking
efforts with a handwritten thank-you note, followed by appropriate
emails, calls or visits, as you see fit.
5 SHARE ACCOMPLISHMENTS
You want others to know what you have done, but you don’t want to
be known as a braggadocio. Discuss your achievements only when you
feel the time and place is right. Think about subjects that might have the
most impact. For example, business leaders often like to discuss revenue
growth and cost reductions.
6 GIVE A SPEECH
One of the best ways to build your image as a leader is to give a good
speech. Prepare carefully and thoroughly. When you speak, the
audience automatically recognizes you as a leader, so make the most of
each speaking opportunity.
7 SHOW APPRECIATION
When you observe a co-worker’s accomplishment, don’t be shy about
offering an appropriate “pat on the back.” And in any situation, a liberal
and sincere use of “please” and “thank you” always goes a long way.
8 BE ON TIME
Respecting another person’s time may be one of the easiest yet most
profound ways to earn the image you want. Work on showing up
before you’re supposed to, making meetings as succinct as possible and
keeping your commitments.
Remember: The image you portray in your organization and in the
business community can have enormous influence on not only your
professional year, but your entire career. Make it a good one!
Joe Scarlett is the retired CEO of Tractor Supply Company
For more on leadership, see joescarlett.com
10 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

EMPOWERMENT & SUCCESS
2017’s
Sunset Resolutions
5 WAYS TO MOVE ONWARD AND
UPWARD TOWARD THE NEW YEAR
WRITTEN BY: KEELAH JACKSON
THE YEAR HAS almost walked itself into a new one, and the
shoulda-coulda-wouldas grow louder every day. Hindsight
is 20/20, but reflection time for future success is worthy of
your thoughts. Bottomline? Introspection is valuable. It is
time to ask yourself: How could this year have gone better
for me? How can I improve moving forward?
I know you have your excuses. They are easy to produce as to why
you haven’t been able to accomplish what you hoped you would this year
(or ever). So let’s try to work through them. Familiar goal epitaphs may
include (but are definitely not limited to): “I could have gotten more done
this year had I been afforded more time to devote to my own personal
projects, rather than tending to other responsibilities.” There is also:
“I would have done more to achieve my dreams had I actually had the
money to do so.” Finally, let’s not forget the super-biggie that many of us
choke on, for it actually holds us accountable to ourselves: “I should have
completed one goal for self-improvement, but I was afraid of failure.”
I understand it. It has merit, sure - fine and dandy - until it doesn’t.
Time and tide wait for no one. We must not allow the year’s sun to set on
missed intentions. I urge you: Make the resolution now to love yourself
more by fulfilling your hopes, dreams and everyday endeavors. Put the pen
to paper, add action to the plan and then watch everything materialize.
1 DON’T​ ​BE​ ​TOO​ ​HARD​ ​ON​ ​YOURSELF
You are human. You are not a robot--aha, CAPTCHA!--and the world will
not end if you ticked all but two items from your 100 item list! We expect
so much from ourselves, yet seldom congratulate and celebrate our small
successes. Every satisfaction of a task completed is a joy nonetheless, so
yahoo yourself into a tiny back pat!
2 ACKNOWLEDGE​ ​AND​ ​AMEND
Now is the time to take visual inventory of what you called a “W” for
the year and what fell by the wayside. Make a “pros and cons” list of
2017, and pay attention to the patterns of things that could have been
controlled. For example, if two of your cons happen to be “still running
late to work and got written up for it” and “lost a prospective client
because I procrastinated on researching and pitching to the company”
(two valid and common issues), then perhaps you may want to pay
closer attention to improving your time management skills for 2018
and onward. Observing patterns within our actions (whether positive or
negative) helps us navigate our lives a little more effectively.
3 WRITE​ ​IT​ ​DOWN,​ ​AND​ ​MAKE​ ​YOUR VISION ​PLAIN
After you have taken inventory of the shortcomings and areas of
improvement, write down how you plan to improve. You may even
want to rewind all the way back to what you originally planned to
improve or accomplish. Do not mince words, either! Now is not the
time to be flowery and verbose with the language; be direct. Get to
the point so that when you view your posted solutions (Spoiler alert!
The next tip definitely includes the words sticky and notes!), you’ll
completely know what you mean when you see them. You won’t have
to hunt. You won’t have to guess. You will know that “Leave on time no
matter what!” means precisely what you wrote.
4 STICKY​ ​NOTES​ ​SAVE​ ​THE​ ​DAY!
They are bright. They are colorful. They are sometimes annoying, yes. But
they work when not ignored. Sticky notes carry a power of being visual
coaches. They want you to succeed by jogging your memory whenever
you see them. They are succinct reminders that you can improve.
Remember: If you can’t fit your self-help message on one sticky note
that you can clearly see from two feet away (without snatching your
90-year-old neighbor’s bifocals), then you’ve put too much on the note.
Write your plan in all caps if necessary, and don’t hesitate to color-code
the notes according to urgency.
5 DON’T FORGET TO DO​​THE​​INSIDE​​JOB​
​Ultimately, every action has a root cause as to why it occurred. Remember
“acknowledging the patterns” from a few points ago? Only you truly
know why some things consistently go unresolved no matter how many
times you make resolutions to improve. You owe it to yourself to figure
out why those issues have remained stumbling blocks for you for any
extended period of time. It sounds like touchy-feely-woo-woo therapy,
and maybe it is. Who cares. The point is that maybe it is exactly what’s
needed in order for you to actualize your major life goals.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong or amiss about getting help with
becoming your best self. That’s how winners are made, and
YOU ARE A WINNER!
Thanks for staying CONNECTed in 2017; let’s make 2018
a remarkable year!
12 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

INNOVATION
Veronica T.
Mallett
The Modern Woman’s
Health Innovator & Diversity Educator
WRITTEN BY: TONI LEPESKA
Dr. Veronica T. Mallett, Senior Vice President of Health Affairs
and Dean, School of Medicine, at Meharry Medical College
speaks during Meharry’s 2017 Commencement Ceremony.
AN INNOVATIVE RESEARCHER and educator in the field
of women’s health, Dr. Veronica T. Mallett will never
forget how her father rescued her pre-med studies from
a college professor who told her she didn’t have what it
took to be a doctor.
She’d begun her studies at Barnard College in New York, full of
enthusiasm and confidence, but in the years of Affirmative Action,
people looked at her questionably - “As though I didn’t belong. I began
to question whether I did,” Mallett said.
Exposed to wealth at a level she’d never seen and paired with a
roommate who’d made a perfect score on the ACT, Mallett, a product
of a magnet school with several African-American role models, felt
even more insecure – but indignant, too – after the minority pre-med
students were called to a meeting with a chemistry teacher. She told
them they should forget about being doctors. “You people,” the teacher
said, “don’t have the problem-solving skills.”
You people? she thought.
Her confidence bruised, Mallett told her father about the encounter.
His advice? He told her to imagine the teacher on the toilet with her
pants around her legs.
“That really helped take her power away,” Mallett said.
She went on to acquire her Bachelor of Arts degree at Barnard
in 1979 and then her medical degree at Michigan State University
College of Human Medicine in 1983. She’s become a nationally- and
internationally-recognized professional for her work in the treatment of
urinary incontinence and genital organ prolapse, as well as her work to
shrink health disparities among minorities.
She’s reached a lot of firsts, including the first African-American
woman in the country to be fellowship-trained in reconstructive pelvic
surgery. She is also the first female chair of a clinical department at the
University of Tennessee, a school established in 1911. In 2011, she
founded the obstetrics and gynecology chair at Texas Tech University
Paul L. Foster School of Medicine in El Paso, where she also made strides
in bettering health for Hispanic women and families. She did this by
developing a new medical school and health science center on the
border with Mexico, addressing a critical physician shortage in the area.
The scope of Mallett’s work, while focused on issues that
most often affect women who’ve given birth or who have had a
hysterectomy, also spans health concerns we hear about almost every
day. She wants everyone, especially women and minorities who suffer
disproportionately from certain conditions, to watch the circumference
of their waist and not so much the number on the scale. They need to
watch food products for added sugar and salt and avoid them because
they change the palate and influence the kinds of foods we eat.
In 2018, she’ll be back to telling patients these bits of advice after
she settles into her administrative role as the new Senior Vice President
of Health Affairs and Dean at Meharry Medical College in Nashville,
Tenn. Mallett oversees the quality of health care at the facility and the
maintenance of the health service affiliations that help the college,
founded in 1876 as the first medical school in the South for African
Americans, providing training to its students and residents.
As Mallett progressed from pre-med student to accomplished doctor,
she faced ingrained ideas about women and about minorities. And, at points
along the journey, felt overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood. She
stayed up until the wee hours of the morning to write science papers. She
missed family dinners to perform surgery. They were painful choices, she
said, but “I didn’t do that alone. I did all that by having this eclectic support
system of peers, family, my current husband and mentors.”
She traces her initial drive and motivation to her parents. With the
death of her father this past fall and the passing of her mother two years
ago, childhood memories aren’t far from her thoughts. Her parents were
so involved in civil right causes, Mallett grew up believing all adults
made picket signs and held energized meetings at their homes. While
involved in the social hot buttons of the day, her parents kept close track
14 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

INNOVATION
Dr. Veronica T. Mallett, Senior Vice President of Health Affairs and Dean,
School of Medicine, at Meharry Medical College and other Meharry faculty
help students don their white coats for the first time during Meharry’s
annual white coat ceremony. The white coat symbolizes the beginning of
the journey to become a certified health professional.
Dr. Veronica T. Mallett (second from left), Senior Vice President of Health Affairs and Dean, School of
Medicine, at Meharry Medical College is one of three Deans (all female) at Meharry Medical College.
The three Deans are Maria F. Lima, Ph.D. (left) Senior Vice President for Research and Innovation and
Dean, School of Graduate Studies and Research, Dean Mallett (second from left), and Dr. Cherae Farmer-
Dixon, Dean, School of Dentistry (far right). They are pictured here with Meharry’s President and CEO
James E.K. Hildreth, Ph.D., M.D. (third from left).
Dr. Veronica T. Mallett, Senior
Vice President of Health Affairs
and Dean, School of Medicine, at
Meharry Medical College listens
to a student explain her research
during Meharry’s annual Student
Research Day
Dr. Veronica T. Mallett, Senior
Vice President of Health Affairs
and Dean, School of Medicine,
at Meharry Medical College
congratulates a student who
during Meharry’s White Coat
Ceremony.
of their three children’s progress in the classroom. Each child received
a dollar for A’s, 50 cents for B’s and spankings for C’s. For her parents,
education was the “great leveler” - something that couldn’t be snatched
from you and “was almost like a religion,” for her father. Mallett said.
“Daily, he would admonish us to be leaders. I learned from them that to
be average was not good enough.”
Mallett traces her urge to innovate partly to her time at the Michigan
State medical college, which was considered in its infancy at the time. It
focused on holistic approaches, “dealing with the whole person and the
whole environment,” she said. “It was somewhat revolutionary at the time.”
While in residency at Wayne State University, she committed
to go into academic medicine. She felt she’d always be up-to-date
if she stayed in academia. She loved learning. She discovered she’d
have to adopt a niche to rise through tenure, and at the time, female
pelvic reconstruction was in its youth. “It’s a field where you really
restore function. Life-changing function,” Mallett said. “[A woman] is
embarrassed or not feeling she has control of her body. When you can
address the problem through medicine or surgery, you have changed
someone’s life. That’s very rewarding. I’ve gotten so many cards.”
Mallett’s very first patient was a woman in her 70s, a domestic
housekeeper who stuffed rags in her vagina to hold up her uterus and
bladder. The organ prolapse prevented her from comfortably cleaning
houses, but she’d worked for cash and hadn’t paid into Social Security,
so she didn’t have the money for an operation. Mallett saw her at a
charity clinic. She provided to her a pessary to hold up the prolapse, and
eventually was able to secure insurance for the woman that covered a
life-changing reconstructive surgery.
Mallett treated another woman later in her practice who also had a large
prolapse. She was near the end of her life at 95 years old, but she sought
out help because the condition was inhibiting the care of her husband. The
woman underwent a minimally-invasive procedure called colpocleisis, in
which everything was pushed back inside and the opening of the vagina
was closed off. Mallett was “more frightened than she was” to expose her
to the risk of surgery, but the woman “had great faith in God.” After the
surgery, she returned to her caregiving duties with renewed vigor.
“There’s a lot of misinformation out there, and women think there’s
nothing that will work or nobody can help them,” Mallett said, “In the past a
lot of surgeries weren’t effective, but they’ve become much more effective.”
Mallett was one of the early adopters of the urethral sling for treating
urinary incontinence, and she worked in a multi-center clinical trial
that compared using a synthetic patch to the gold standard of using
the patient wall in a procedure to fix the bladder. The former proved
to be better to fix, she said. Mallett also was involved in examining the
procedure to lift the top of the vagina when turned inside out, as
might happen after a hysterectomy - a procedure called uterosacral
vault suspension.
Dr. Sireesha Reddy, who worked with Mallett at Texas Tech and
considers her a mentor and friend, feels Mallett used insightful ways
not only to treat patients but to teach medical students who weren’t
minorities how to be culturally sensitive to situations that impact health.
She’s “definitely a visionary” in that respect and excels in several areas of
life, said Reddy, an obvious admirer. “She’s beautiful, an accomplished
professional and a mom. She’s a renaissance woman for sure.”
INTERESTING WOMEN’S HEALTH STATISTICS:
• About 3.3 million women in the U.S. alone suffered from pelvic
organ prolapse in 2010; Officials suspect more than half the female
population will experience it, and they expect statistical figures to
grow as more studies are conducted on the condition.
• Women who are 20 and older suffer disproportionately compared
to men of the same age in regard to hypertension. More than 33
percent of women have high blood pressure compared to 32.6
percent of men. They also suffer disproportionately in regard to
obesity, with 38.5 percent of women considered obese compared
to 34.5 percent of men.
• The disparity between the races is even wider. While hypertension
among Hispanic women age 20 and older is lower at 23.6 percent
than all women, the percentage of obese Hispanic women ascends
to 45 percent. The figures are even more staggering for African-
American women, with 56.9 percent considered obese and 44.8
percent having hypertension.
Sources: Association for Pelvic Organ Prolapse Support;
Centers for Disease control
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
THE CONNECT MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2017/2018 15

INSPIRATION
Life-Threatening Hardships Made These Two Entrepreneurs
UNSTOPPABLE
WRITTEN BY: TONI LEPESKA
NO ONE INVITES suffering and hardship into their lives,
but we all experience it in various forms. We may wish
it away, try to go around it, or flee from it, but none of
those efforts rid us of our afflictions.
Two successful business owners, Bill Vandiver and
Harriet Lanka, live thousands of miles apart, yet both faced down the
mightiest challenge any human will ever know: death.
But their stories didn’t end there, and they didn’t merely escape
with their lives. With the odds stacked against them, they allowed their
difficulties to feed their creativity and - ultimately - shape their success
stories. And they now move through life as living demonstrations
that difficulties can be turned into a source of power - one capable of
propelling the survivor into a better, bigger future than ever imagined.
Bill Vandiver died on the floor of his salon. One minute he was
styling a girl’s hair for her prom and the next he was in a heap -
quivering from a seizure. He’d had seizures since he was a fifth grader
and had been diagnosed with epilepsy, but, he said, “This one was a little
different. I went into cardiac arrest.”
By a stroke of luck – or was it luck? – the girl’s mother was the head of
a cardiac care unit. She administered CPR and kept Vandiver from sinking
into the pit of death. “I always felt someone was watching over me,” said
Vandiver, “but I never ever put two and two together.”
No, not yet. His epiphany was yet to come.
Vandiver grew up in a little Tennessee town called Culleoka,
just south of Nashville. He lived in a trailer and
recycled glass Coca-Cola bottles for money
(his first job). He never planned to be a
hair stylist, but when a friend suggested
it, the shoe seemed to fit just right. His
plans weren’t lofty, but he knew he
wanted more than what he had.
“You have to be realistic, but
you also have to be a dreamer,” said
Vandiver. “You have to want more
for yourself. Growing up in that
trailer, I knew there was more
in the world.”
In 2000, at the age of 33, he opened his own business, The Edge
Salon, after working for other people for 18 years. His clientele grew
quickly. His only aim: offer clients “great service at a great price.” He
focused on perfecting hair extensions.
But life would throw him another hardball.
Doctors discovered Vandiver’s lymph nodes were swollen. He
underwent 60 biopsies in three years. All the results were inconclusive.
In the fall of 2011, Vandiver was given the clear and instructed to check
in periodically. A few weeks later, two people at the salon told him the
lump on his neck looked bigger. Before he knew it, Vandiver was in a
recovery room, the lining of his throat being removed. Unable to eat, he
lost 40 pounds. He had cancer.
Doctors urged Vandiver to undergo chemotherapy and radiation. A
holistic practitioner of sorts, he was conflicted. He didn’t know whether
to follow their direction or not. What if he made the wrong choice?
A spiritual man, but far from religious at the time, Vandiver said,
“I’d always heard and read if you prayed to God about something, he
would listen. So I got down on my knees and prayed from the depths of
my heart.”
The next morning, after returning from the gym, Vandiver
suddenly felt as if he was on fire, “like there was boiling water inside
my head.” He thought something was seriously wrong. He wondered
if he was having a nervous breakdown, and then wondered if he was
hallucinating. But, everything was soon to be more than fine. Vandiver
had a mystical experience that would bring him to life in a way he had
never been alive before.
He quickly assembled a team of traditional and holistic medical
personnel. He underwent chemotherapy and radiation, detoxed in
an infrared sauna, and got IV infusions of things like magnesium
and vitamin D twice a week. He received weekly massages and
meditated. He looked in the mirror every day and told himself,
“This isn’t going to beat you.”
The cancer didn’t have a chance. The following year,
Vandiver’s business took off at an astonishing rate. And it hasn’t
slowed down.
Today, Vandiver is stronger than ever and clients fly from major
cities all across the country to see the 56-year-old salon owner and his
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INSPIRATION
team. Situated in the Nashville suburb of Brentwood, The Edge Salon is so
successful it accepts only a limited number of new clients each year, and
only by referral or interview.
Vandiver has his own hair extensions line, More Cheveux, and he
is an author, entrepreneur and active participant in multiple charitable
causes. He loves being busy, but doesn’t permit stress a place in his life.
He left stress behind the day he encountered what he believes to have
been God. “I think I have a clear understanding of, may I say, my purpose,”
Vandiver said. “I define ‘important’ differently now. Before, I stayed stressed
out about relationships, life, money. Now I just surrender it. I let it go.”
Vandiver’s epiphany? He was being divinely cared for all along.
Knowing this has freed his personal and professional energy for the
welfare of others. “The world is not about me,” he said. “It is about what
I can do to help the world.”
Nothing was the same for Harriet Lanka after the automobile accident
on April 2, 1994.
Suffering from a closed head injury, the 16-year-old was rushed to a
hospital by ambulance and then placed in a helicopter. Her life depended
upon the expertise of medical personnel at the university hospital in
Salt Lake City, Utah, but even then her chances weren’t good. A doctor
phoned Lanka’s parents, urging them to hurry to the hospital. “Your
daughter,” he said, “probably isn’t going to make it.”
Lanka’s parents rallied church friends. They got to the hospital as she
arrived by air and put their hands on her body for a quick prayer. Lanka
was unconscious but, later, her parents would tell her the whole story.
“My vitals immediately shot up,” said Lanka.
She was in the hospital for three months - most of this time spent
in a coma. “She’ll probably be a vegetable at best,” the doctors told her
parents. But they kept praying and Lanka kept improving. She had to learn
how to walk, talk and write again, and learn to “navigate an injury that
transforms you on the inside while leaving no scar on the outside.”
Though Lanka suffered from post-traumatic amnesia, she remembers
what her mother pronounced over her middle child. “She kept telling me,
‘You’re here for a reason, but I don’t know why.’ That,” said Lanka, “kind
of gave me a compass for life.”
While kids her age spent their time with parties and talks of cute boys,
Lanka focused on things like “serving my healing.” She sought the answer
to the question – Why am I here? “There was such an opportunity to sink
down deeper and decide where I wanted to go [in life],” she said.
After the accident, Lanka felt uncommonly sensitive to people’s
emotions and energy, though she didn’t know why. She eventually
became a massage therapist, which felt like a natural progression, and
discovered she intuitively knew how to soothe others.
“I can’t really explain it or teach it. I just put my hands on people and
I know what to do,” she said.
Before long, the buzz was that Lanka had a gift. She was invited to
homes, to parties, and was flown around the country by a Hollywood movie
production company. After the distasteful experience of a client propositioning
her, she decided to open her own place, The Align Spa, in Park City, Utah.
That was 15 years ago. Lanka, 40, now lives in Costa Rica, where she
also operates a yoga retreat center called The Sanctuary La Paz, which means
“peace” in Spanish. Business is great for both, but almost a decade ago, it
looked like Lanka might have to close the spa in Utah. During the national
economic downturn, clients cut their spa visits as a luxury they could no
longer afford. Lanka gathered her employees around, and together they
decided to cut their pay and offer free massages to any teacher in town.
She’s seen 20 to 30 percent growth at Align each year since. She
maintains a stable work force that greets clients by name and asks them
about their latest trip or the soccer game they played. “It’s cheers without
the alcohol,” said Lanka.
She applies the resilience she exhibited as that fragile teenager in a
hospital to all of her challenges. “I see obstacles as an opportunity to
sink down and root into who you are and what you are here to create.
You have the option of being a victim, a survivor, or a thriver. I never
perceived myself as a victim of my brain injury,” she said, “so I always
faced obstacles with a ‘challenge accepted’ approach.”
Her message to others who face seemingly impossible challenges?
“You’ve got this, even when it feels like you don’t. Trust that
everything is happening from you, not to you.”
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EMPOWERMENT
WHAT TO DO WHEN
YOU DON’T GET YOUR
DREAM JOB
WRITTEN BY: GRAHAM HONEYCUTT
ALITTLE MORE THAN a year ago, I was being considered
for a promotion. It was my dream job. I had spent the
previous eight years working for this opportunity, and
knew I was well-prepared to take it on. At the same time,
I knew it would be difficult to get the job, as another
strong internal candidate was my competition.
I spent hours preparing for my interview. For my presentation, I
worked overtime to create a walk-through experience with tents, photos,
framed posters and a vision statement of what the organization would
look like 10 years in the future - if under my tenure. I rehearsed the
presentation many times and, on the big day, it went flawlessly. I had
placed myself in an excellent position to receive the position. I knew I
deserved it.
A couple of weeks later, I received a call from the organization’s
president, informing me that my dream job would remain just that:
a dream. They decided to bring someone in from the outside. I was
extremely disappointed, but did my best to be gracious and ask who my
new boss would be.
Look, it is hard to not be picked. This goes back all the way to our
childhood days when captains were picking teams for kickball and you
never wanted to be the last. This analogy doesn’t just cover kickball;
it can apply to anything in life. Perhaps you weren’t selected for the
National Honor Society, didn’t get into your top college or maybe, like
me, you didn’t get that dream job. There is just no way around it. You
are going to feel the sting of bitter disappointment.
When this happens, there are things you must do. And what I am
going to suggest is something you may find surprising. I want you
to be bitter and wallow in some self-pity. Yes, pity. Give yourself 48
hours to feel the pain of not getting the job. Because the worst thing
you can do is simply act like it didn’t matter that much. You know it
matters. Feel the intensity of your emotions. Let it hurt. Wallow in the
dissapointment.
But, then? Give it a strict time limit.
When you wake up on that third morning, it is time to use your
resolve to begin anew. Take some time for introspection to critique what
you believe you possibly could have done better. You may even find you
wouldn’t have changed anything in your approach. Always remember it
isn’t a value judgment on you that you weren’t chosen this time.
The next questions to ask yourself are: What does this make possible?
What opportunity does not getting this job represent for me? It is never
a failure. It is another step on the journey. Remember that your path may
have an even better opportunity waiting for you if you remain diligent
and patient. You might miss it if you choose to give up or become cynical.
When I asked myself the above questions, it led to some interesting
answers. Actually, some pretty powerful ones. I ended up launching my
coaching and speaking business with the help of a mentor. Not long
after, I was selected for an interview at a different organization and was
hired in a new position I absolutely love. They were very impressed
that I had recently launched a new business and wanted some of that
ingenuity in their organization. None of this would have happened if I
remained bitter, accepted failure and hadn’t asked those questions.
What do you do when you don’t get your dream job? You formulate
a dream that might be better than you could have possibly imagined.
PHOTO BY: JAMES BANKER PHOTOGRAPHY
Graham Honeycutt is a life coach
& motivational speaker based
in Nashville, Tenn. He helps
individuals and organizations
overcome their greatest
challenges so they can achieve
success and significance.
Find out more about him at
grahamhoneycutt.com.
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
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DIVERSITY & INCLUSION
WRITTEN BY: MISHON LANDRY
HAVE YOU EVER walked into a business meeting,
classroom or social event and wondered why everyone
looks the same? This makes no sense when considering
the evolving world around us. No matter where we
roam - whether it’s to the supermarket, shopping mall
or coffee shop - the individuals are diverse.
So, why then, aren’t our boardrooms, social groups and workplaces
as diverse as the truth of the world around us?
As human beings, we have a tendency to unconsciously repeat
behaviors over and over; because of this, our behaviors often yield the
same outcomes. It’s like selecting a book to read - typically we gravitate
to the same genres of reading material again and again. For example,
if you tend to read mystery or romance novels, you are not likely to
choose an astronomy book.
Our patterns of behavior can sometimes block or exclude others
even when we’re not consciously trying to; consequently, we end up in
a room full of people who all look the same. So the question becomes:
What can be done to change this unconscious behavior and become
more conscious?
Today’s 21st century leader must understand that in order to
modernize and transform an organization, it needs diversity. But
diversity by itself is not enough. They must also understand that
inclusion is needed to activate diversity. To be inclusive is to prevent
each of us from consciously or unconsciously excluding individuals
due to their age, culture, gender, ethnicity, religion or anything
that differentiates them from ourselves. It’s when we recognize that
everyone deserves to have a voice, while possessing a variety of ideas,
opinions, viewpoints and perspectives.
But we can’t do that if we don’t know the biases that might be
sabotaging our good intentions.
Whether differences are related to political issues, religious beliefs
and communication styles, generational influences or socioeconomic
concerns, inclusion leaders understand that key fundamental traits must
be present to properly manage and lead individuals through multifaceted
conversations.
So how do we begin to create a culture that is welcoming to all?
1 LEARN TO LEAD THE SELF
Inclusion leaders do not hide behind their faults. They acknowledge
them through integrity and truthfulness. They recognize that, while
none of us are perfect, each of us can grow stronger where we are weak
and learn to outsource our weaknesses through enlisting the help of
others. They know how to be direct and put personal interests aside to
achieve what needs to be done in the best interest of all.
2 BE COURAGEOUS
Inclusive leaders act on guiding principles and use their moral compass
even when it means taking a chance or risk. As a leader you must know
how to stand up for what is just, as opposed to hiding in fear. It doesn’t
always mean you won’t be afraid or uncomfortable, but it’s the refusal
to allow fear to stop you from making decisions that will impact others
positively. It’s through this discomfort that we often grow and begin to
make substantial impact on the world around us.
3 BE ACCOUNTABLE
One must hold himself accountable and enforce the same rules that he
or she would expect from his or her employees. The best leaders always
do, but in today’s workplace this behavior must be more deliberate and
visible. Inclusive leaders recognize that when things go wrong and are
not working, they admit to this and do not blame others. Accountable
leaders find the best answer to a problem and work inside and outside of
their ecosystem to find the best possible solution.
Self-Awareness, courage and accountability are but a few of the traits
that inclusive professionals demonstrate. These, along with others, help
an organization grow and move to the next level in an increasingly
diverse and competitive global marketplace.
Inclusive professionals practice the art of leadership. This carefully
includes the contributions, thoughts, views and opinions of all
stakeholders within the organization or community. When the leaders
are inclusive, the organization as a whole benefits.
So, the next time you are making that decision about who to invite
to the table, think about the things above and apply some of the tactics
mentioned, remembering that it takes more than just knowing the traits
and behaviors. It takes commitment, and it requires comprehensive
business solutions, plans and strategies. Learning to apply the concepts
and models in your daily business operations to build a more inclusive
leadership culture is the key to growth.
MiShon Landry is CEO/Founder of Culture Consultants
Culture Consultants is a Women Owned Business {MWBE}
Diversity & Inclusion Practice Focused on Leading Inclusive
Change in Today’s Organizational Culture
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
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EMPOWERMENT
WRITTEN BY: TORI TATE THOMAS
PERSONAL BRANDING HAS intensified with the advancements
of technology. Thanks to the internet and social media, nearly
every human in the world has the power to develop a unique
identity on a professional level. Selena Gomez, Cristiano
Ronaldo and Lauren Conrad are a few examples of people
who have harnessed the reach of technology to market themselves and
their careers in such a way.
But in order to create a personal brand that resonates with a vast
audience, it is important to be authentic, consistent and engaging.
You have the power to design how your personal brand is seen by the
world, so do it right. Today’s consumers are intelligent, opinionated and
outspoken; they are not afraid to call you out if you shy away from being
honest and genuine.
Once you have identified your personal brand and developed the
conventional platforms - website and social media accounts - you may be
thinking, “Now what?”
MAKE YOUR MARK
Create a logo or symbol to give your personal brand a unique identity.
Not only does this enhance brand recognition with your audience, but it
also adds to your level of professionalism.
Get creative and visualize the desired perception of your brand. Do
you consider yourself handcrafted, organic and personalized? Or, do
you prefer to be seen as contemporary, sleek and classy? Determine the
outward visual tone of your brand and start designing with it in mind.
REACH OUT
You’ve created this amazing personal brand, so why not reach out to share
it with as many people as possible? Social media advertising tools are a
vital way to connect with potential fans and stay in front of your current
following. These marketing platforms, from Facebook to Twitter, can offer
intelligent strategies for reaching out while keeping a healthy budget – they
provide bang for your buck.
Social media advertising tools also provide you with invaluable insight
into the effectiveness of your personal branding strategies. How engaging is
your content to your target audience? If you change the picture or call-toaction
in the ad, will it yield better results?
Don’t be shy about A/B testing your content here. Separate your
audience into two groups and serve each of them a different variation of the
same ad; for example, one ad has a picture and the other contains a GIF, but
both are conveying the same message. Compare your results to determine
which variant worked best based on your desired outcome. The reporting
tools on these platforms help make the comparison process a breeze and
you’ll learn more about what truly gets through to your audience.
Remember: Get creative, stay authentic and be consistent in your
message. You’ll soon begin to understand how truly helpful these
platforms can be to marketing yourself.
GET OUT
Put yourself out there and host or speak at an event – trust me, I know you
can do it. This is one of the best methods for showcasing your knowledge
and expertise.
Getting out to events also gives you an in-person opportunity to
connect with others. Technology is great for reaching out, but nothing
beats a person-to-person encounter.
There are plenty of opportunities such as local chamber events,
industry seminars, conferences, workshops and client appreciation lunches
- just to name a few. These get you out into the real world and help
market your personal brand.
USE YOUR VOICE
You’ve created a personal brand for a reason. You are the inspiration
behind it all, so use your voice to tell the world about it.
Start a podcast. A personal brand is about marketing yourself and
your career; a podcast offers your audience a chance to hear your story
first hand. One of the best aspects of this medium is that it can develop
as your brand develops. As you continue on your self-branding journey,
the podcast can be an outlet for sharing insights, knowledge, stories and
motivation with the world.
If you need motivation, 24 percent of the United States population
ages 12 and older listen to podcasts monthly. So, if starting your own
podcast is too much, don’t be afraid to reach out to other podcasters and
offer to be a guest on their show. Either way you choose, podcasts are a
helpful medium to use your voice.
GIVE BACK
While personal branding is about promoting you and your career, find
a way to weave giving back into your brand’s identity. There are more
than enough opportunities to do this. If you’re a social media marketing
guru, teach non-profits how to be more effective with their social media
platforms. If you’re an artist, volunteer to teach art at an after-school
program. Find a need in your community and go for the giving.
This not only benefits your community, but will boost your
success in the end. People tend to remember selfless acts, so give back
generously and create a positive perception of your brand. You might
even learn more about yourself - and your brand - in the process.
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COVER STORY
24 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

COVER STORY
How Hollywood Publicist
KIKI AYERS
Went From Homeless to
WRITTEN BY: LACEY JOHNSON
PHOTOGRAPHY BY: SONA NODELMAN PHOTOGRAPHY
IT HAPPENED IN the wee hours of the morning while curled into a
lobby bathroom stall of a Loews Vanderbilt Hotel. Ke’Andrea “Kiki”
Ayers, a young and accomplished entertainment reporter in the
red-hot hills of Hollywood, found herself alone - feeling her cold
tears run down her face before hitting the marbled floor. From the
outside looking in, she lived an enviable life donned in body-hugging and
designer dresses, her lips glossed and hair styled to perfection - whisking
across red carpets while bumping elbows and exchanging jokes with some
of the most idolized celebrities in the world. There was Ben Affleck,
Queen Latifah, Jamie Foxx, Nas and Will Ferrell - just to name a few.
But, from the inside looking out, there was no bed of her own to crawl
into at the end of those glamorous occasions. There was no home for which
to hang her stilettos after the sun dipped below the skyline. She wasn’t even
sure where her next meal would come from. Her resume was impressive,
but the paychecks were scarce. Like an old, estranged friend showing up
without invitation, homelessness had found her once again.
For years she had worked tenaciously to climb her way to heights
others only fantasized about and coveted, but her reality was beginning
to unfold like a cruel illusion. There was no more time to nurture that
illusion, waiting for a lucrative opportunity to ride in like a Hollywood
ending and save her. There, in the loneliness of that moment, she posed
a question to the night air: “What am I going to do now?”
An answer raced to the fore, slicing through the silence and
amplifying in a way none had before: The right opportunity was never
going to come. She was going to have to create her own.
Ayers’ life had not always told such an unfortunate story. Born from
two loving parents who were enlisted in the navy, she was no stranger
to the virtues of discipline and excellence. Until the age of 8, her life
had been the epitome of normal. Both parents were stable financial
providers, owned cars and were present each time hot meals were being
served on the dinner table, which was every night. But when her parents
divorced and her father left her, her older sister and
1-year-old brother behind in Washington state,
life drew back its curtain and exposed its
cruel actualities.
Her Trinidadian mother
scrambled to balance living
with a crippling autoimmune
disease and being a single
parent, all the while
securing multiple jobs in
order to feed her three
children. “My childhood wasn’t a play time. I had to step in as a small
child and raise my little brother,”
says Ayers. “This was the first motivation for me to always rely on myself
to make my own money and never depend on anyone else.”
This meant a 10-year-old Ayers spent her mornings guiding her
3-year-old brother onto the public bus and frantically ushering him to
daycare before starting her day as a fifth grader - trying to make it to
class before the bell rang.
In retrospect, she realizes these struggles only worked in favor of the
woman she would become. By the time she was mature enough to form her
own goals, she was undaunted by the brutalities of hardship and sacrifice.
They didn’t scare her. She knew every shadowed inch of those parks.
The years that followed her father’s sudden abandonment brought
with it a string of apartment evictions. Her mother would fall behind
on bills and rent, then forced to pack up Ayers, her older sister and
her younger brother to find another rental to make their home. Until,
eventually, she was greeted with only slamming doors.
Ayers found herself a 16-year-old high school student without
an address for her school registry. Her mother had accumulated too
many evictions and, thus, no place would accept them as residents. She
watched her mother and 9-year-old brother sob as he parted ways with
his only possession: his bicycle.
When night fell, the family of four parked their run-down Ford
Taurus - one her mother had purchased from a co-worker for $300 - in
the parking lot of a 24-hour Walmart. This is where they would eat and
sleep for months. Their whole entire lives - from toiletries to keepsakes
- were crammed into the trunk. “Everything was centered around not
being separated - making sure the cops would not find us sleeping in the
car and then take my brother away. This was the biggest fear because all
we ever had was each other,” says Ayers.
Even then, Ayers stresses that her mother instilled in her the
importance of reaching for excellence no matter how deep, low and
menacing the struggle. She always found a way to wash herself, brush her
teeth and forge her best presentation before walking to the bus stop for
school. “I always told myself that it was not a permanent situation. I never
let myself dwell on how bad things were - not for one minute,” she says.
After a few months of surviving homelessness, her mother found
an apartment for her and her children. Ayers fondly recalls moving
into it and feeling luxurious spending her evenings stretched out across
the bare carpet - watching “American Idol” through an old, donated
television set, fidgeting with the antennas until the picture came in clear.
During this time, Ayers learned of a program which would grant her the
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COVER STORY
ability to take high school and college classes simultaneously - all held at
a local community college. This brought with it the opportunity to hone
her writing skills for the college paper. In this season of her life, she
realized her innate talent as a wordsmith.
She graduated from the program with honors and garnered enough
college credits to embark on a real college experience as a sophomore.
Upon being accepted to Howard University in Washington D.C., Ayers
traveled by train all the way across the country from Washington state. It
was the first time she had ever ventured outside of her home state.
She recalls her paradigm shattering as she realized the contrast
between her own life and that of her fellow co-eds. “I was moving into
my dorm room and saw people moving all of their stuff in - from big
TVs to speakers to posters - from their bedrooms at home. I had never
even had my own bedroom my whole life, so all I had was a small
suitcase full of clothes. I was so confused by it,” she says.
Ayers recalls witnessing students arrive at Howard University as
though shuffling through a revolving door. Many decided they didn’t
like the school within the first week and either withdrew from classes
or transferred elsewhere. But it didn’t matter whether she loved it or
loathed it; it was all she had. “My hustle came from not having a choice
to do or go anywhere else. I’ve learned it is amazing what you can do
when you don’t have any other choice,” says Ayers.
Not long after settling into her first year of college life, Ayers secured
an internship with CBS Radio, working with Big Tigger at the local
station WPGS. Her second gig was a summer internship for MTV, which
came about solely because of her unflagging tenacity.
Upon learning that the VP of Business Development for MTV was
scheduled as a guest speaker at the university, Ayers cemented a goal to
connect with her. When one of the male students in the congregation
insulted the guest, she cut her visit short. She was so irate, she jerked her
papers from the podium and stomped out of the class prematurely. Ayers
ran out along with her - trailing behind her heels, frantically introducing
herself and announcing her desire for an internship with the network.
Still in a fog of annoyance, she brushed Ayers away, telling her she had
to leave. “That’s okay, we can walk and talk,” Ayers told her, persisting.
“Here’s my email,” the lady barked in response, smacking her card
in Ayer’s hand before racing off in the opposite direction. But before she
had even arrived at the airport, Ayers was in the computer lab emailing
her resume and unloading her whole life story. “I wasn’t letting this get
away from me,” says Ayers. “And, it worked because MTV emailed me
the next day and offered me a summer internship.”
At 19 years old, Ayers found herself traipsing through Times Square with
wide eyes, proudly sliding on her badge, entering those glass doors and logging
onto her MTV email address each morning - living out what had once been an
elusive dream. During her time there, she learned about marketing and television
development, and was involved with the SpongeBob 10th Anniversary.
When the summer ended and she returned to Howard University for
classes, she received a callback about an internship at BET - an opportunity
she had failed to secure through her first attempt. “When I didn’t get it the
first time I applied, I just tried again and was successful,” says Ayers.
Soon after, she was working behind-the-scenes of the 2010 BET
awards as a production assistant, as well as being flown to the Hip Hop
Awards in Atlanta. “I didn’t have the typical college experience at all,”
says Ayers. “I got to do some cool stuff, but at the same time I was
always working when I wasn’t in class. I had no parents sending me
money. If I wanted to eat, I had to work.”
Ayers’ work ethic became a testament to the reality that too many
options can sometimes be lethal for one’s endeavors; yet having few
options can be a godsend for the cultivation of one’s success. Oftentimes
when one is blessed with an abundance of options, they grow entitled,
lackadaisical and unappreciative within the broad scope of those options.
When there is no sense of urgency, there is no urgency to reach for
the things one most desires. Ayers knew she had so few options, she
squeezed every drop of juice from the ones she had. Every drop fed her.
They each fueled her. Ultimately, they launched her.
After graduating from college, she moved to New York City and
landed a job with “The Jerry Springer Show,” choking down a bitter taste
of what she did not want to do within her professional life. Soon after, she
utilized her previous connection and experience with MTV to land a gig
as one of their newest production coordinators. She reported to the sets
of “Guy Code,” “Girl Code” and “Wild ‘N Out,” working closely with
Charlemagne the God. “I did everything from getting lunches to recreating
VMA red-carpet historic moments. This was the first year the VMAs were
in Brooklyn so it was great to be a part of that moment. I also worked
closely with Sway Calloway which was amazing,” says Ayers.
After learning all she could from behind the camera at MTV, she
completed her time at the network. Soon after, the ambitious 24-year-old
landed a position as the Music Programming Coordinator for Revolt TV in
Los Angeles. She was not well-acquainted with the city, had never learned
to drive and, therefore, had no license or means of transportation. So the
network secured for her a luxurious room in the Loews Vanderbilt Hotel
on the corner of Hollywood and Highland, which was convenient to the
bus system, until she was able to gain a license and find an apartment.
And, that she did. In less than a year, she was promoted to Content
Producer for Revolt TV, which afforded her a rooftop loft towering way
above the palm trees and overlooking the city. “It was surreal to call it
mine, considering what I had come from,” says Ayers.
During this time, she began dipping her toes into entertainment
reporting. She volunteered her free hours working on red carpets for smaller
outlets, such as the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Sports Awards, in order to refine
her resume and lean comfortably into her skills. She watched video footage
and critiqued herself, slowly mastering the art of conversing with the famous.
Before long, she was being paid to navigate the most sought-after red carpets.
The Soul Train Awards. The BET Awards. The Billboard Music Awards. Major
movie premiers. She fell fast in love with it, and believed she was finally in
a place where she could surrender herself fully to what she wanted to do:
illuminating the entertainment industry. She would leave Revolt TV to pursue
journalism full time. The work proved to be the most creatively fulfilling she
had ever known. Sadly, she would also learn that it wasn’t steady.
Before long, she found herself parting ways with her beloved rooftop
loft and sleeping on friends’ couches, moving in and out of hostels.
Meanwhile, she was working with Rob Riley, interviewing Samuel L.
Jackson and attending Oprah’s private luncheon. Accomplished, yes; but
also young, female and grossly underpaid. Also homeless - again.
26 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

COVER STORY
CREATE YOUR OWN OPPORTUNITY, WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE GIVING UP,
YOU CAN EITHER DWELL ON WHAT ISN’T WORKING AND BE IN THE
SAME SITUATION A MONTH OR TWO FROM NOW, OR YOU CAN ASK YOURSELF:
‘WHAT CAN I TRY THAT I HAVEN’T TRIED BEFORE?
One evening, following an event with a well-known actor, she was
unable to reach the friend who had promised her a bed in her new home
for the night. Ayers wandered over to Starbucks, passing the time by
blasting out text messages to all of the other friends in her phone contact
list. But, over and over, she was met with glaring silence. When it was
time for Starbucks to turn out their lights and lock their doors, she was
forced to leave. With nowhere to go, she wandered down Hollywood
Boulevard, desperately checking her phone every few steps. She then
remembered that the Loews Vanderbilt Hotel - where Revolt TV had put
her up less than two years prior - had long bathroom stall doors where
she could easily remain unnoticed. She entered the doors of that hotel,
found the lobby bathroom and crawled into one of its stalls. Leaning into
the corner wall, she shivered against the cold floor, jolting anxiously each
time she heard a guest come inside to use the restroom.
“I kept replaying my life over and over in my head,
wondering how I went from living in a nice loft apartment
to sitting on a bathroom floor of a hotel lobby,” says
Ayers. “I asked myself, ‘What are you going to do now,
Kiki? How can you turn what you love into making
money?’ Because this is not it,” she says.
Right there on the bathroom floor, she
was struck with an epiphany: Her email inbox
was flooded - daily - with editors, journalists,
publicists, press releases and buzzing news
stories. She had worked with some of the most
idolized celebrities on the planet, and she had
access to them. She was skilled at writing,
editing, video editing and hosting. She
was comfortable with a-listers and
power players - on camera as well as
on the page. She had scrolled through
and dissected hundreds upon
hundreds of media kits, and she
knew how to build them herself.
She felt confident in her ability
to single-handedly create a
full publicity package for
less money than it would
take someone to hire three
different people to build
the same.
Around 4 a.m.,
huddled in that stall
with her belongings,
she declared out loud
- straight into that
space, “You have all of
the contacts. Start your
own PR company.”
That was it - her golden
answer. She would utilize her skill
set and plethora of connections in
television and journalism to build
a career as a publicist. Something
within her released and surrendered
in that moment. No longer able to
prevent her eyes from falling heavy,
she allowed her body to dip in and out of sleep’s realm for the two
hours that followed. Just before 6 a.m., she was rattled awake by the
sound of a mop bucket, so she swiftly grabbed her belongings, rushed
out of the hotel and stepped back into the world.
As the hotel doors closed behind her, Ayers Publicity opened its
mouth wide and took its first breath.
Never looking back, but taking it one step at a time, she turned
her eyes only in the direction of that decision. She secured her LLC
and created her website. She began to carefully comb through talent in
search of clients to represent. “I knew I didn’t want to work with just
anybody. I set out to work with the next LeBron James or Drake,” says
Ayers. “My motto became: If you’re dope, we’ll find you,”says Ayers.
Her strategy became, unlike most PR companies, one that would
not force those she represented to lock themselves into a
lengthy contract. Instead, she would offer them the liberty
of going month-to-month. This was because she would
only represent those she was certain were capable of
making monumental strides if pitched the correct way
and, thus, would give each of them maximum effort
within short bursts of time. “I decided I wanted to
be known as the publicist getting black people into
places they are not usually seen, like Forbes. And I
have already done just that.”
Her first client was Russell Simmons. “I led
P.R. for the first movie to ever be released under
his company All Def Digital. I set up a press
screening and press junket,” she says.
She impressed him, and Ayers Publicity
quickly began taking on a life of its own.
A little more than a year after its birth,
she now represents platinum recording
artist Sy Ari Da Kid, comedic actor Haha
Davis (who has 2.3 million Instagram
followers), film director Dontell
Antonio, fashion designer Maxie J
and YouTube star Megz.
Her advice to those who believe
they have tried everything, yet their
‘everything’ is failing them? “Create your
own opportunity,” she says. “When you
feel like giving up, you can either dwell
on what isn’t working and be in the same
situation a month or two from now, or
you can ask yourself: ‘What can I try that
I haven’t tried before?’”
Ayers believes there is always
something else to be considered and that,
oftentimes, the best idea doesn’t become
clear or even show its face until one is forced
to navigate the most bitter hollows of failure.
“If you’re in a situation you don’t like, don’t
cry about it,” she says. “See it as an opportunity
and focus on getting out of it. If you keep
your attention on getting out of it, there is no
question that you will.”
But soar with caution: If you’re dope,
she may find you.
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
THE CONNECT MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2017/2018 27

chrishollo
p h o t o g r a p h y
6 1 5 . 4 0 0 . 3 0 0 2 | c h r i s @ c h r i s h o l l o . c o m | @ p h o t o h o l l o

BOOK CLUB/FOOD & FEATURE
Danielle Walker’s New York Times Best Seller
“Celebrations”
WRITTEN BY: LACEY JOHNSON
NOT LONG AFTER hanging up her wedding dress and
veil, a 22-year-old Danielle Walker received the
devastating diagnosis of ulcerative colitis. The pain
was incessant and urgent - looming over her newlywedded
bliss. The treatment options were far from
hopeful. Every doctor told her the same thing: Diets don’t cause it,
diets won’t help and they certainly won’t cure it.
But a stirring deep within her demanded that she not accept this
as her fate. “Something told me that there were better answers if I
looked for them, so I dove heavily into research,” says Walker.
She read books. She scrolled through the internet while her newborn
son napped. And she found a wealth of evidence that eliminating
dairy, grains and processed foods from her diet could facilitate healing.
“I came across hundreds of conditions that were being relieved by
adopting the principles of a Paleo or Whole30 lifestyle,” she says.
A new stay-at-home mom at the time, she spent her
days in the kitchen - blending, chopping and stirring in
experimentation - teaching herself how to cook with
ingredients many of her friends had never heard of. It
was equal parts a creative outlet and a saving grace.
“I had an incredible improvement in my health
almost immediately,” says Walker.
From the urging of her husband, she launched
a blog, AgainstAllGrain.com, to document her
experiments and share them with others. It caught fire
and, within a couple of years, love letters from all across the
globe were landing in her email inbox. Stories of inclusiveness
and gratitude. Of health restoration. Of real-life tales that made
Walker put her hand over her heart and sigh.
“There were moms who were so sick they spent their days in
bed, never feeling well enough to bake cookies with their kids And,
even if they did, many of them were suffering with so many food
intolerances that they wouldn’t have been able to enjoy them anyway.
Those are my favorite stories - when my recipes allow a parent to not
only eat well and feel well, but re-enter their child’s life,” she says.
There was also the time a mother of a child with autism reached
out to Walker with a report of victory. Her son’s health issues
were so severe, he was unable to consume grains whatsoever.
This meant that, when all of the other children were munching
on their Fruit Loops and Cheerios on “Cereal Day” at school, he
was a disheartened and lonely bystander. But when his mother
found Walker’s granola recipe, her son’s digestive system and taste
buds welcomed it with applause. Alas, he was once again able to
participate with his classmates.
The success of Walker’s blog rolled out the red carpet for a
collection of recipe books - the first, the second and now the third
New York Times Best-seller. Her latest, “Celebrations,” specifically
focuses on those times of the year where special occasions and
holidays call for us to indulge.
Understanding that food is an emotional and social part of our
lives, she envisioned creating a product where both individuals
with a special diet and those with no dietary restrictions could sit
down at the same table together - whether for a bridal shower or
Christmas dinner - and all would clean their plates with utmost
satisfaction. “An adult or child with special dietary needs can feel
like they’re missing out on family traditions, and like they can’t
participate as others can,” says Walker. “My goal was to produce a
book where no person would be without the ability to celebrate.”
Reprinted with permission from Danielle Walker’s Against All Grain
Celebrations: A Year of Gluten-Free, Dairy-Free, and Paleo Recipes for
Every Occasion by Danielle Walker, copyright© 2016.
Published by Ten Speed Press, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC.
PHOTOGRAPHY BY: ERIN KUNKEL© 2016
30 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

BOOK CLUB/FOOD & FEATURE
SERVES 10
Garlic Rosemary Rib Roast
• 1 (7-pound) standing rib roast of
beef, fat trimmed and tied with twine
• 10 cloves garlic, peeled and sliced
• 2 teaspoons arrowroot powder
• 6 sprigs rosemary
• 6 tablespoons ghee (page 325) or
extra-virgin olive oil
• Sea salt and freshly ground
black pepper
• 1 to 2 cups beef or chicken
stock (page 327)
• 1 yellow onion, diced
Preheat the oven to 450°F. Poke shallow holes with a sharp knife all over the
roast and insert the garlic slices into the holes. Rub all over with the arrowroot
powder and tuck the rosemary sprigs into the twine on the top and bottom of
the roast.
Melt 4 tablespoons of the ghee over medium-high heat in a large skillet
or Dutch oven. Sear the roast on all sides, then transfer it to a roasting pan
and return the skillet to the stove. Season the roast generously on all sides
with salt and pepper and pour in 1 cup of the beef stock. Roast in the oven
for 20 minutes.
Meanwhile, add the remaining 2 tablespoons ghee to the same skillet.
Add the onions and sauté for about 10 minutes, until well browned.
Reduce the oven temperature to 350°F, spoon the sautéed onions over
the roast, return the pan to the oven, and continue roasting, basting with
the pan juices every 30 minutes, for 11/2 hours to 2 hours, until an instant
read thermometer inserted into the center of the roast reads about 140°F for
medium. If the liquid in the pan nearly evaporates, add the remaining 1 cup
stock.
Cover the roast with foil and allow it to rest for 30 minutes before slicing.
Set the roast on its side and run a sharp knife between the bones and meat;
remove the bones and set them aside. Turn the roast right side up. Carve the
roast into slices 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick and arrange on a platter. Spoon the pan
juices over the top. Serve immediately.
Make it ahead: Prep the garlic and onion up to 3 days in advance and store in
an airtight container in the refrigerator. Ready the roast in the pan the night
before, wrap tightly, and refrigerate. Roast the beef up to 2
hours before serving, slice, pour the pan juices onto
an oven-safe platter, and top with the beef slices.
Cover tightly, leave at room temperature for
up to 2 hours, then reheat in a 350°F oven for
15 to 20 minutes. The juices will help steam the
meat and keep it moist during reheating.
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
THE CONNECT MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2017/2018 31

FOOD & CULTURE
WRITTEN BY: LACEY JOHNSON
CRACKER BARREL’S EXECUTIVE team gathered around
a table inside of their home office in Lebanon, Tenn.,
strategizing for methods to continue growing the brand
while broadening their demographic. It was 2015 and the
company was nearing $3 billion in annual revenue. But
Millennials were predicted to become the leading spenders in the years
to come, and many of them only ever frequented the Old Country Store
with their parents and grandparents. How was Cracker Barrel going to
capture their attention?
The executives tossed ideas around the room, only the best ones
landing onto the whiteboard. Soon, a concept emerged and announced
its presence, requesting to be born. What if, instead of asking that the
younger generation see Cracker Barrel as more hip and modern, they
gave them a stylish offspring - one that looked less like their grandma’s
house and more like their own?
Further brainstorming led them to entertain the idea of forging
something that hardly resembled Cracker Barrel at all. No rocking chairs
lining the entrance. No board games. No candles, jars of jelly or hard
candies for sale. They would call upon their roots - the standardized
processes, the consistency, the spirit of Southern culture and the essence
of family - but create an identity all of their own. Ordering would be
simplified, the vendors would be primarily local and the staff would be
smaller. The kitchen would be wide open and visible. The vibe would be
chic, while also inviting of individuality and self-expression. This new brand
would remain a subsidiary, but have its own creative and culinary breath.
With the support of a marketing team, Mike Chissler, who was
Vice President of Operations for Cracker Barrel at the time, took on the
responsibility of developing and incubating the new brand’s culture.
He envisioned a dynamic where the kitchen interplayed with the guest
experience. “We understood that Millennials desire to be a part of
something bigger than they are and to be engaged within that process,
so this affected how we approached everything from the layout of the
restaurant to the staffing process,” he says.
While Cracker Barrel may generate the feeling of a trip to grandma’s
house - beckoning us to curl up near a fire with a board game and fill
our bellies with comforting indulgence, Holler & Dash would be her
grandson’s posh Southern pad. The heartbeat and the bloodline would
remain the same, but it would offer a modern interpretation of the
individual expressionism yawning and stretching in the minds of curious
and option-oriented Millennials.
Eighteen months after, this bud of an idea officially became Holler
& Dash. Its first location opened its doors in Homewood, Ala., followed
shortly thereafter by Tuscaloosa. They have since added four more - the
most recent being in the trendy Melrose neighborhood of Nashville,
Tenn. Next in line is Charlotte, N.C.’s South End.
But Chissler, who is now Chief Operating Officer for the new brand,
says he doesn’t identify with being a chain at all. “Each restaurant has
its own personality and soul, and is catered to its community. In that
sense, we are not a restaurant chain, but a chain of unique community
restaurants,” he says.
Chissler claims his secret weapon is hiring people to be who they
really are - sans dress code and stringent restrictions which demand
conformity. This means: That guy by the dishwasher wearing red
sneakers and donning a mohawk? His supervisors are cool with it. What
about the girl displaying her piercings, tattoos and freshly-dyed blue
hair? They told her to go for it. In fact, they unabashedly embrace their
employees’ creative interpretations of self, so long as they commit to
bringing excellence and personality.
“We find people who other people won’t even talk to,” says Chissler.
“At Cracker Barrel, if you have visible tattoos, you won’t even get an
interview. But, what we have found is that the kids who do wish to
express themselves in less conventional ways are often brilliant, creative
and shine when allowed to be exactly who they are. I feel like we have
opened up a new world for people just by treating them right.”
Most interestingly, each employee is trained on every station. Holler
& Dash supervisors permit their employees to follow the whims of their
emotional, mental and social preferences on any given day, so long as the
team as a whole is equally staffed. No one gets bored and no one is superior
to the other. No one is married to any title and, through this process, each
is granted the opportunity to identify and cultivate their strengths.
“The diversity of our teams is what makes our brand special. Because
we approached the hiring of Holler & Dash the way we did, each
building has its own soul. You can feel it when you step into any of our
locations,” he says.
32 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

FOOD & CULTURE
You also won’t be smacked with the contrived, nor will you receive
a rehearsed greeting when you enter any of its doors. You may hear an
exuberant “Welcome!” or you may hear “I’m glad to see you,” but it
will be words spoken organically from the individual.
“We want our employees to have real human conversations with
our guests, so we don’t even have a specified greeting. We give them
parameters, but they interpret our guidelines in a way that isn’t forced
and, instead, feels right to them,” says Chissler.
Supervisors strive to bring out the true spirit of each individual
employee to then collectively become the spirit of their organization. “If
you look around any of our restaurant locations, at least half of what you
see is the result of an hourly employee saying, ‘Well, that doesn’t work,’
or “Hey, let’s try this,’ because we welcome their ideas. They are the
spirit of Holler & Dash, so we allow them to really be that,” says Chissler.
And much like the consistencies often evident in family bloodlines -
from simple mannerisms to artistic talents - the menu at Holler & Dash
remains true to its Cracker Barrel upbringing, while interpreting it in a
more modern, eclectic and stylish way. “Fine casual” if you will.
One of their signature biscuit items, said by Chissler to be
most representative of the brand, is the Kickback Chicken. It is an
encapsulation of the modern South - fried chicken served on a handrolled
biscuit, but firmer and less flaky, capable of being eaten on the
go. The chicken is antibiotic- and hormone-free, and is topped with
sweet pepper jelly, goat cheese and scallions. Its diverse flavor profile
is adventurous and experimental, yet remains a celebration of the
simplicity of its Southern roots.
All menu items - from the biscuit varieties to the beignets to the grit
bowl - are driven by chef Brandon Frohne, a Nashville favorite and Culinary
Director for the brand, and can be washed down with fresh drip coffee,
house-made craft sodas and organic teas. “The menu at Holler & Dash
celebrates the heritage of Southern heirloom recipes we’ve all come to know
and love. Each dish is punctuated with new and vibrant flavors from the
diverse culture that makes up contemporary Southern cuisine,” says Frohne.
Don’t expect to find any old-fashioned signs inside of this Cracker
Barrel heir. Instead, where the exposed brick meets the mason jars, you
will be surrounded by a bright color palette and a quilt wall - made from
images of signs contained within the Cracker Barrel warehouse. The
floorplan is open - the biscuit station front and center and the kitchen on
unfiltered display. The ovens even turn in the direction of the dining area.
“We have always said the kitchen is the heart of it all, so we want
our guests to feel like they are a part of it, too. In Southern tradition,
family gatherings almost always start and end in the kitchen. So do we,”
says Chissler.
Although the stylish biscuit house chain has no immediate plans to
expand beyond the Southeast, it is possible for the future. But, no matter
how far north or west they go, they promise to not only remain true to their
Southern heritage, but to the spirit of enterprise from which they came to be.
“We took an idea that was up on a white board and built a brand
from it. And we have given 200 people an opportunity that they may
not have had,” says Chissler. “That, above all, is what Holler & Dash is
about: The freedom to let everybody be who they are, come together as
a family and go as far as they can dream for themselves.”
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
THE CONNECT MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2017/2018 33

PLAN DIFFERENT | INSURE DIFFERENT | INVEST DIFFERENT
CANDACE JENKINS | ADVISOR
615.829.8457
insuranceandfinancialgroup.com
LIFE | HOME | AUTO | BUSINESS

EMPOWERMENT
Branding Guru
Louis Upkins
Has Devoted His Life to Anchoring Purpose
WRITTEN BY: LACEY JOHNSON
IT WAS A day as ordinary for him as any other. Louis Upkins,
successful entrepreneur, husband and father of two, checked into
a room at the Montage Hotel - tucked way up high in the coastal
cliffs of Laguna Beach, Ca. But he had not retreated there from
his home in the suburbs of Nashville, Tenn. for the purpose of
business, as he often did. No, not this time. Rather, he was in search
for answers to questions that had stirred him for years - ones that were
amplifying in a way he could no longer mute.
He was there to be present. To have his pressures unraveled by the
meditative sound of distant children at play. To experience the dolphins
on their quests for food. To be softened by the ocean waves crashing
against the rocks, and by fragments of conversations all blending and
blurring together. He was there to listen.
Having built a a branding empire through intimate dealings with
some of the most prominent names in the world, including Gap,
McDonald’s, The Olympic Games and UPS, it was true that Upkins’
credentials were extraordinary. And, though he was grateful, the stakes
were high and the days often long and stressful. Behind all of the
applause, something valiant and profound stood politely in waiting -
eager to be taken by the hand and heard. He wondered: Am I designed
to just create fancy stuff that sells forever and ever? To earn a check with
a series of zeros behind it, and to then take on another bucket of stress
immediately after it’s satisfied? Or, am I designed to do broader, deeper
work for people - one that fills my contribution bucket, as opposed to
the maddening and exalting cycle of filling and emptying these stress
buckets again and again?
“I was at a pinnacle place in my career, so it was not exactly a time to
walk away. But, I felt I was being pulled and led elsewhere. I told God, ‘I
don’t want to just do what I’m great at anymore. I want to do what I was
designed to do.’” he says.
Upkins was no stranger to the daring uncertainties of
entrepreneurship. Having withdrawn from his engineering studies at
Tennessee State University in Nashville, Tenn. during his junior
year, creating something out of nothing was territory he
had navigated through - and thrivingly so - decades prior.
A 20-year-old Upkins was working three jobs and enrolled
in classes full-time when he observed that fraternities and
sororities were designing and producing new t-shirts every
week. He saw them in the cafeteria. In the classroom. On
the campus lawn. They were popping up everywhere. A
natural artist, he was sure he could create a better product
than what he saw being celebrated by his peers.
“I was just trying to figure out a way to quit at least
one of my jobs so that I could get some sleep,” says Upkins.
He began sketching late at night after clocking
out from his last job. Soon after, his fellow students
responded to his designs so enthusiastically that the
owner of The College Crib T-shirt Shop, located near
campus, reached out to him, asking if he would share
his designs with her customers. She offered him
$20 per design and the young Upkins was elated -
until he wandered over to the store and realized his
custom designs were being sold for $20 a shirt. “Wait,
I thought. She gives me $20 a design and then she can
sell it for $20 over and over again. I knew there had to be a
better way” says Upkins.
He secured a printer and purchased a box of white t-shirts at
wholesale. He designed a shirt that was captioned “Children Need
Hugs, Not Drugs,” deciding that if he sold out by the weekend,
he would withdraw from classes and step into business for himself
full-time. By Sunday night, he was staring into an empty box. All of
his shirts were gone.
In the years that followed, his creativity and
entrepreneurship blossomed and expanded as he welcomed
opportunities to create products for key individuals within the
music industry. He became known for being gifted at not only
generating innovative ideas, but also monetizing them. This
led to his professional “crossing over,” which, over the span
of the two decades that followed, landed him in the realm
of branding and marketing for some of the most powerful
Fortune 500 companies, athletes and entertainers in the
world - including the conceptualization of an exclusive deal
between Oprah, BeBe Winans and Starbucks.
His was a quintessential success story - one many would never dare
to envision for themselves, let alone part from. But he would learn that
there was a far more meaningful message behind all of it - one that had
nothing to do with branding initiatives or marketing strategies at all.
36 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

EMPOWERMENT
“People were flying in from all over the world wanting to do
branding exercises for their companies, and I would find that, within
minutes, I could see the core of who they were. I could see the challenge
that was on their mind. I noticed that, for whatever reason, people
trusted me with their stories and I was then able to give them counsel
and insight about how to move through them. I told my wife that, for
the rest of my life, I wanted to wake up every day, go wherever God sent
me and talk to whoever God told me to talk to,” says Upkins.
This conversation marked the inception of Upkin’s search for ways to
quench his thirst for counseling, encouraging and supporting others full-time.
When inspiration called him to travel to one of his favorite places,
the Montage Hotel, and seek answers, he obeyed. Somewhere in
between steps along the sand, looking out over the Pacific Ocean, clarity
swarmed him. He came away with knowing three things for sure: “I
love God, I love people and I love business.” But the question remained:
How was he going to integrate those three things to make impact, create
innovation and cultivate inclusion in this journey of life?
He had no idea what the execution would look like, let alone the
outcome; he knew only that he had to walk toward what was giving him
life. And, soon enough, the powers that be would have their way with
his compliance.
GOD HAS GIVEN ME THE ABILITY
TO SPEAK LIFE INTO PEOPLE. AND SO
MANY BREAKTHROUGHS HAVE HAPPENED
AS A RESULT.
There was an unexpected opportunity hiding out and humming in
wait as he approached his next turn of a corner. It was a book. Upkins
says the process of its creation and coming together was “the most
bizarre known to man.”
Shortly after his experience at the Montage Hotel, he returned home
and placed phone calls to a few highly trusted advisors. “I didn’t come
back and create a master plan; I just shared what I was shown during
that experience,” says Upkins.
One of those individuals was his friend Bob Buford, author of the
book, “Halftime: Moving From Success to Significance.” Upkins flew to
Dallas to meet with Buford, eager to share what was on his heart. “Bob
told me that he believed I had a special anointing on my life, and he
wanted to connect me with a friend of his. He told me, ‘If he gives you
more than 15 minutes, you know you’re onto something.’ I had the call
thinking I was going to disqualify myself within the first two minutes.”
Upkins had formulated no plan of action and no strategy, knowing
only that he was committed to “saying yes to God.” But the hands of
fate already had their own agenda. The call stretched on for three hours,
ending with the gentleman telling Upkins, “Not only do you have a
book in you, but you have multiple books in you. Can you come to
Grand Rapids tomorrow and meet me for dinner?”
Upkins was on a plane the following day. Unbeknownst to him,
this dinner meeting had been arranged as a sort of screening process to
decipher whether or not he was worthy of meeting with the President,
Chief Marketing Officer and Chief Editorial of a publishing company. It
turns out he was.
“I had breakfast with them the following morning, and they all
wanted to know about this book I was writing. But, at the time, I wasn’t
even writing a book. I didn’t know anything about this book they were
speaking of. All I could do was laugh,” he says.
Upkins began to share the premise of what a book would look like -
if he were to write one, that is. As he described what would fill its pages,
it became clear that a book in its entirety was already lurking in the
cosmos - waiting to be summoned and pulled into the earth plane.
As the conversation progressed, his simple bud of an idea was
watered and fed by it, quickly taking on a life of its own. Before long,
its vines would stretch far and wide to reach the masses. And its name
would be “Treat Me Like a Customer.”
The premise of the book was this: In his hugely successful branding
and marketing career, he had noticed that people were amazing gardenkeepers
of their work. They could manage upwards of 20,000 people
in their professional lives, but often couldn’t manage a home of four or
five. Their desks were often tidy and their loftiest goals met, yet their
family lives resembled ruin. This epidemic disturbed him and he desired
to be a part of its remedy. With this already stirring in his heart, he read
the Forbes 400 while in flight to a meeting. As he scanned through the
list of names, he was uninterested in how many billions of dollars these
people boasted or how many yachts they owned. Rather, he was moved
by how many times they had been divorced. In that particular year’s
edition, the average for the people on the list was four or five marriages.
This was a stunningly painful statistic - one that haunted him.
“All I could think about was all of the collateral damage that was
happening on the family side of things, and nobody was paying any
attention to that. Everybody was paying attention to the dollars. Looking
back, I believe that was, in part, my anchor to write the book,” says Upkins.
With no finance background and no Ph.D in counseling, he knew
some might disclaim his expertise or find that he did not possess the
necessary credentials to embark on its crafting. But he knew he was the
steward of something far more superior: a divinely-given gift. “God has
given me the ability to speak life into people. And so many breakthroughs
have happened as a result. The thing is: There is no competition when
you’re aligned with your purpose. People focus too much on the
competition around them or the odds stacked against them when they
should be focusing on what they were created to do,” he says.
The book, released in 2009, would open doors for a continuous
string of national speaking engagements and mentoring opportunities,
as well as the co-authoring of his most recent book, “Unprepared,”
with various other power players in the financial planning world (David
Green, Founder of Hobby Lobby, wrote the book’s Forward).
Upkins says the heart of his work isn’t at all life coaching as we
know it, however.
“When I think about the work I am privileged to do, I see myself as more
of an advocate. I’m often sitting around a table with folks who have a lot of
other agendas, but my core focus - whether working with a sole proprietor,
an athlete or an entertainer - is digging down into the wells of self.”
Upkins subscribes to the belief that every person walking this earth
has a purpose for which they were assigned, and he believes the only
way to attain fulfillment is to determine what that is. “I believe that
when I was thought of and formed, God decided that Louis would do
certain things. There was a design for those things to happen. I think
the key to finding out what that is is simply slowing down, removing
distractions and listening,” he says.
More than the branding work he has dreamed up for the likes of
Starbucks and Oprah, Upkins says his most fulfilling endeavors have
been involved with “helping people journey through their purpose and
celebrating with them when they realize it.”
He claims that the core of his work is the art of intentional living,
which he believes is the least complicated and haphazard route one can
choose. It’s as simple as being present, open and vulnerable. It’s being
wide-eyed and receptive to daily miracles, as opposed to curling into
our phones and turning away from them. It’s removing the facades we
cling to and the crutches we lean into. It’s pausing the rush, silencing
the noise and relinquishing the strain. It’s stepping out of the shadows
of programmed expectations, ideals and pressures, and into the light
of your soul’s unique vision. And, it’s being responsive to what comes
as a result of eliminating those distractions. Above all, it’s “seeing the
journey of life on another person’s face” and then connecting your own
journey - with purpose - to it.
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
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BUSINESS
XMI IS GUIDING SMALL BUSINESSES
TO THEIR FULL POTENTIAL
WRITTEN BY: LACEY JOHNSON
JIM PHILLIPS AND Bob McKown have extensive backgrounds
within the business and entrepreneurial sectors, working for
the corporation XMI, based in Nashville, Tenn., for 15 and 10
years respectively.
Given the company’s motto: ‘Amplify your Ambition’, it’s
clear the aim of the entire organization is to help small businesses
get off the ground. Phillips, McKown and the rest of the employees seek
to help ambition-minded entrepreneurs who have clear ideas but cannot
sustain the plan necessary to implement a full-scale business.
Once young entrepreneurs themselves, McKown and Phillips
understand the burden that a business places on owners who try to do it all.
McKown previously owned a small HR consulting firm for businesses.
In 2007, it was acquired by XMI and he was brought on to run the
professional employer organization (PEO). Currently, he heads up the
human resource outsourcing team as Executive Vice President of XMI,
and deals with payroll compliance, employee benefits, human resource
consulting, employee relations and tax compliance and the management
and meetings of business units.
Phillips managed a boutique business advisory firm and founded a
small business investment company before starting his career with XMI in
2002. He began as the Director of Corporate Finance, before stepping up
to Chief Financial Officer, and ultimately, Chief Executive Officer.
“I support the people within XMI who do the work,” said Phillips.
Small businesses often struggle with trying to balance the role of
ownership with the necessary interactions with customers and products.
XMI steps in and allows the business owners to focus on the aspects of the
company that they are in the business for, rather than the extraneous tasks
that have to get done but do not leave time for much else.
As Phillips put it, “We’ve given them their life back; they were doing
the same work we are now, but between 8 p.m. and midnight.”
All small businesses have the hope of launching themselves to a
high platform, and XMI provides seven main services to do just that:
human resources, managed technology, meeting and event planning,
corporate finance, financial reporting, risk management, design
creation and web hosting.
Essentially, when a small business joins XMI for one of these services,
they gain the 51 employees at XMI as a part of their business, creating
immediate scale and instant infrastructure. XMI doesn’t provide a
computer system to increase growth, but rather a people system.
“People will come to us and want a software program,” said Phillips,
“but we are bringing human beings to the table to create value.”
The company actively promotes the idea that entrepreneurs are the
economic lifeblood of a community and a country. Phillips went on to
explain that “entrepreneurs and small businesses are the key to economic
development in the communities they plant themselves in. Once they
thrive, they can hire more people, and great things begin to happen as
communities flourish.”
This affects the national economy, because when high growth businesses
prosper, more jobs are created and economic development expands.
The three parts of XMI’s infrastructure plan are revenue development,
AMPLIFY YOUR AMBITION
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BUSINESS
OUR CONCEPT IS THAT WE’RE HERE TO
SERVE OUR CLIENTS TO MAKE THEM ACHIEVE
A HIGHER PERFORMANCE AND BECOME MORE
EFFECTIVE IN WHAT THEY’RE DOING.
THE EMPHASIS ISN’T ON US; IT’S ON OUR
CLIENTS. IF THEY DO WELL, WE’RE ALSO
GOING TO PROSPER.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING, YOU NEED
TO KNOW WHEN TO BRING ON THE LEVEL
OF TALENT. IT’S EASY TO BE TOO SLOW,
OR BRING THEM ON TOO QUICKLY,
SO YOU MUST STAY APPRISED OF
WHERE YOUR COMPETITION MAY
BE LURKING.
– Bob McKown
product development and people development. After a small business has
mastered those key aspects of a successful business, they begin to outpace
their competition. Through XMI, businesses and organizations are able to
accomplish their goals at a faster rate with a lower cost.
XMI has significantly contributed to the community and to the small
businesses of Nashville. Providing capital creates rocket fuel for the growth
and development of these businesses. This company becomes the partner
of each client and makes sure they have everything in place that they need
as an employer in order to promote the best practices.
Mckown noted that XMI has seen substantial growth in the last 20
years, increasing the number of people they serve by 2000 percent -
tripling their number of clients.
Businesses have thrived under the wing of XMI. One group in
particular started with three individuals from multiple states who sought
help elevating their business. Initially this group focused exclusively
on sales, contracts, and training people. XMI handled the rest of the
business plan, dealing with compliance issues in moving from two states
to ultimately 30 states, and allowing the owners to spend time with
their customers and grow their contracts. Six years later, what started as
three individuals has become a full company of 700 employees, and the
entrepreneurs were able to sell the company for millions of dollars.
XMI helped this client in a matter of days, and launched them into a
fruitful business model. McKown even assisted with pitching services and
finalizing everything.
“That’s the support,” said Phillips. “You don’t see many of our
– Jim Phillips
competition going into sales pitches with the client.”
Both Phillips and McKown had sage advice for those trying to enter
the entrepreneurial market.
“Having been an entrepreneur,” said McKown, “it takes focus. You
have to stay focused on the most important things. That’s the key for us
as a company, and any company. You have to know the top three things
you have to get done and not get sidetracked by the noise.”
“Timing is everything,” pitched in Phillips. “You need to know
when to bring on the level of talent. It’s easy to be too slow, or
bring them on too quickly, so you must stay apprised of where your
competition may be lurking.”
Phillips has a passion for helping businesses make strategic decisions
regarding new capital investments, acquisitions, selling divisions, and
knowing when to cash in on a business after creating jobs.
The leadership of XMI hopes it will be known as the place where
companies thrive.
“We’re constantly looking for new acquisitions,” said McKown.
“Our concept is that we’re here to serve our clients to make them
achieve a higher performance and become more effective in what
they’re doing. The emphasis isn’t on us; it’s on our clients. If they do
well, we’re also going to prosper.”
“Our business model is to make sure we achieve that level of
recognition in Middle Tennessee and throughout the Southeast,” said
Phillips. “We don’t want to be judged by the size of our company, but
by how well our clients do.”
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
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UNIQUE & INSPIRING ART GALLERY
THE ASIAN ART MUSEUM
IN SAN FRANCISCO
UNITES THE PAST, PRESENT & FUTURE
WRITTEN BY: LACEY JOHNSON
ASIA IS A multi-dimensional entity. The most populated
and diverse continent in the world, it gives birth to a
prism of cultural nuances and personalities in the realms
of architecture, fashion, language, music, philosophy and
religion. The Asian Art Museum, located in the vibrant
Civic Center in San Francisco, Ca., is an eloquent testament to this. Within
its 90,000-square-foot building, exquisitely designed by renowned Italian
architect Gae Aulenti, a multitude of artifacts and creative explorations
inhabit - each drawn from the continent’s most fascinating subtleties.
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UNIQUE & INSPIRING ART GALLERY
Its walls contain objects as old as 6,000 years - gold-mines that
pre-date written history. There are contemporary offerings as well, each
filtered and curated through modern means. Ranging from Tibetan
Buddhism to a fully-functioning Japanese tea room to celebrations of
fashion in its “Couture Korea” gallery - offering a glimpse backward
in time at the robe of a joseon-dynasty king to a glimpse forward at
what is to come. Some of the exhibitions stretch their arms across other
continents and cultures, reaching and beckoning for connection and
expansion. Others simply whisper to be seen. There is light and dark.
There is the bold and the docile. Some of the masterpieces quiet the
visitor and command that they be still. Others shout at them in the midst
of the stillness.
It is a collective summoning, asking that the visitor journey through
their own enlightenment, transcendence and - ultimately - discovery of
self through the mirrors we call art, ritual and history. A reverent yet
unabashed celebration of diversity, each corner of the building provokes
the kinds of conversations the world most craves.
I was most captivated by the third floor, which seems to hold
echoes of thousands upon thousands of stories just beyond the veil of
its meditative quietude. “The Fierce Feminine” exhibition, located in
the heart of it, offers a celebration of Warrior Women in Himalayan
Buddhism. It infused me with the eeriest feeling - as though one of its
deities had swooped in with the softest kiss, exited with a thunderbolt
and scurried off into nirvana. There are ghostly offerings of folklore and
legends of centuries past. Evidence of daily life - from simple ceramics
to stunning porcelain wares. Displays of precious jade. Bronze weapons
used during battles and sacrificial ceremonies. Intricately-carved
sculptures. A bejeweled Buddha figure. Some ancient artifacts, some
historically-accurate recreations.
Jeff Durham, Associate Curator for Himalayan Art for the museum
since 2011, finds his domain on this floor. Durham expresses a sense
of wonder as to how modes of artistic expression and culture, as well
as the past, present and
future, symphonize in
these exhibitions for the
public to experience it.
“But I also have a sense
of humility that I get to be
the guy who captains it into
public consciousness,” he says.
Durham has been responsible
for many of the exhibitions visitors
most marvel at, though he admits it has
often meant embarking on a series of demanding - though immensely
rewarding - journeys. “All exhibitions begin with hours upon hours
of conversation. We examine floor plans and art objects, searching for
symbolisms we can draw out. The questions is always: How can we
use either symbolism or simple esthesis as a stratagem for hooking the
interest of the visitor?”
He is currently immersed in curating two exhibitions to be launched
in the spring of 2018. The first is “Divine Bodies: Sacred Imagery and
Asian Art.”
It was constructed from a simple question, posed in simple
conversation: What happens when the infinite divine gets a finite body,
in artistic terms? While in New York City for Asia Week with some of
his fellow art professionals, he and Qamar Adamjee, Curator of South
Asian Art for the museum, were exploring the city, discussing how
much the streets resembled blood vessels. “‘We are like bodies within
the body,’ we said to each other. We started speculating that this notion
of being a body in a body in a body might be the fundamental insight
into the mystery of embodiment,” says Durham.
On the basis of a conversation had while dodging pedestrians
and puddles in the frenetic streets of Manhattan, the two enthusiasts
returned to San Francisco and began discussing how the various images
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UNIQUE & INSPIRING ART GALLERY
they had in collection at the museum might create a brand new kind of
exhibition. “We decided we wanted to develop a sort of metalanguage
of the spirit. We’re all searching for truth to connect everything. So,
considering that, we are asking: Is it possible to use art as a springboard
from time to eternity? I think the answer is yes. This upcoming
exhibition is a great exercise in making that case,” says Durham.
And, all seriousness aside, Durham is having colossal fun assembling
it. “It is a coming together independent of my personal intent. Curators
are isolationists. They like to hide out and build ivory towers, then stick
them in museums. But this is not an isolated curator sitting in a room
coming up with some master plan; it’s now a conversation the whole
museum is having,” he says.
Which is sort of what Durham wishes will invite the public to also
do as well. Durham enjoys working with Adamjee on this, not only
because it is their collective brainchild, but because she brings her
expertise in south asian painting and sculpture. Karin Oem, Curator for
Contemporary Art for the museum, is also heavily involved.
“This is a triple-curated show, which has never been done before,”
says Durham. “And it will be smaller than our normal exhibitions. It will
be open and airy - inspired by contemporary modes of art presentation.
The idea is that you, the visitor, get to be your own explorer through
this exhibition.”
None of the objects will be labelled. Instead, they will be grouped
thematically and in an easy-to-navigate format. Each visitor will be
handed a booklet which will guide them through the objects by tokens
of information about each. The goal is for the interplay between viewer
and object to be more interactive and individually explored than that of
traditional exhibitions. “We want it to be completely immersive and -
with any luck - transformative,” says Durham.
Much like when one bends closely into a mirror and identifies
unfamiliar details of their own features - from the tiny specks of gold
in their eyes to the curved tip of their nose - that they would never
be aware of otherwise, perhaps art is also a mirror. It is a mirror of
consciousness. If the way we perceive the world is merely a projection
of what is stirring inside, the way we perceive art is also illuminating.
What we fall madly in love with, what calls to us and what lures us like
a magnet - those are all projections. Art can awaken us to that which
imprisons or liberates us. And it reveals to us the playful curiosities,
longings and wonders trampling about inside of our souls - whistling
and waiting to be imagined and brought to the natural.
Durham, who specializes in Tibetan art, says the idea of art being a
guide to one’s own transformation is sort of what fuels everything he
has ever curated - from the perceivably dark to the light. “Tibetan Tonka
paintings are actually called mirrors. It mirrors back to us our own
awareness, and that is what all art can do,” he says.
Which brings us to his next venture: “A Guided Tour of Hell.” This
exhibition is by no means a celebration of evil. Rather, it is an artistic
journey that asks the viewer to welcome its notion of contrast in order
to broaden their own scope of awareness. Perhaps “A Guided Tour of
Hell,” ironically, is a roundabout and winding invitation to seek Heaven.
It came about on an unsuspecting day. Durham was positioned at his
office desk and staring out of his window into a buzzing downtown San
Francisco. The phone rang, rattling him from his trance. It was Samuel
Bercholz, Founder of Shambhala Publications (the largest Buddhist
publishing house in the world), who Durham had long admired but
had never met. Durham expressed that he was pleased to meet him by
phone, unprepared for Bercholz’s response. “‘Well, I died,’ he told me,”
says Durham.
Leaning fully into the conversation, Durham listened with total
arrestment as Bercholz delved deeply into sharing his experience of
having had a massive heart attack, then flatlining in a bed at a Palm
Springs, Ca. hospital. Whether a hallucination or reality (or both, or
neither?), Bercholz was absolutely certain he had ascended out of his
body and dropped straight into the belly of hell. He revealed that,
through that experience, he saw an almost kaleidoscopic-like variety of
conditionings that were crafted from the conditioning each being he saw
had created for themselves.
“He described it as an exploration of different modes of different
karmic retribution. It was obviously a really powerful experience for
him but, for a couple of years, he didn’t know what to do with it.
Then inspiration called him to do something with it, so he contacted
Illustrator Pema Namdol Thaye to transcribe his vision for a book. That
happened and, now, I’m involved. It is becoming an actual exhibition
here,” says Durham.
Much of the imagery will be derived from those contained in
“The Tibetan Book of the Dead,” making it a fusion of contemporary
and traditional inspirations. Durham says the exhibition will not
only show Thaye’s paintings of Sam’s visions, but also one of
Thaye’s traditional Tonka paintings of the same sorts of visions.
“This brings about both Euro-American and Tibetan voices into a
single equation,” he says.
Most fascinating of all? “This coming spring, at the Asian Art
Museum, we will essentially have Heaven and Hell in the same
building,” says Durham, with a chuckle.
For Durham, it’s incredibly serious but, at the same time - is it? He
has moments of having to force his enthusiasm to surrender to focus and
meditation, enraptured by the beauty, irony and humor that emerges
through the disciplined processes. But, like the majority of his colleagues
at the museum, he also feels a deep responsibility to bring it all forth.
“I think the world as it stands is in a frantic race between
mindlessness and mindfulness, and I feel that anything I can do to put
the brakes on that race, I am going to do that,” says Durham. “I feel
that the Tibetan Meditative Tradition is without question one of the best
ways to attain human mindfulness. So when I can get the art involved in
that tradition and in front of people’s eyes, I am then fulfilling whatever
mission or destiny I may have to the best of my ability.”
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HEALTH & SELF-DEVELOPMENT
BECOME YOUR HEALTHIEST VERSION
STARTING RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE
WRITTEN BY: LACEY JOHNSON
PLEASE UNLEASH THE demon that has taken up residence
in my neck. I’m desperate,” I begged the stranger sitting
in front of me, in between grimaces.
The stranger, Brendan Sweetman - a well-respected
therapist in the field of bodywork - was referred to me
by a trusted healthcare provider. I had been experiencing intermittent
episodes of painful muscular tightness for several years. On that day,
my discomfort level was so bothersome, I was unable to focus on fastapproaching
deadlines.
Sweetman assessed my posture while inquiring about my history
of injuries and activities. Then he proceeded to ask more personal
questions - ones of my childhood, personal failures and relationships.
I considered the second leg of questioning to be odd, but pacified his
inquisitiveness with a vague string of answers before shifting to the
therapy table for relief.
He began working on my areas of complaint - applying pressure
both light and intense - as though he were trying to unravel a pile of
tangled electrical cords. “Your hands are hurting my feelings,” I joked.
The moment those words departed from my mouth, I shocked
myself with the realization of how much truth they contained.
In the areas of tightness, emotions were surfacing as if to say, “Oh,
hello. Had you assumed your mastery of ‘toughening up’ meant your
body had forgotten?”
It was perplexing because I had to concentrate on my inner
reactions in order to distinguish between emotions and physical
sensations. Suddenly, their lines of separation blurred into a sludge
pile of oneness.
The emotions then began dragging the moldy old thoughts to the
fore - asking that they join. There were the shameful ones of self-doubt
and fear, like those skeletons we stash in the back of our closets and
cover with layers of whatever we can find - until we’ve convinced
ourselves they disappeared. It was as though someone was trampling
around inside of a showroom housing my most private memories and
self-limiting beliefs.
But, I had not charmed him with any details of my failures,
insecurities or personal traumas. He was merely following the patterns
of restriction, tightness and imbalance in my body. By doing so, my
body was telling me things I needed to know.
For the first time in my life, I understood in a way I had never quite
understood before: My mind, body and spirit are inextricable parts of a
complete whole - facets of the same diamond.
The revelations made on the therapy table that day infused me with
fascination. I decided to make it my mission to better understand this -
to understand the complete picture of who I am. Of what it means to be
healthy - beyond the cliche´ or what my bloodwork could reveal to me.
I embarked on a quest - devouring books on subjects ranging from
the energetics of food to how positive thinking affects the chemicals
released in our brains. I began connecting with my body through
movement, practicing meditation, addressing nutritional deficiencies
and making a vigilant effort to exterminate the negative influences
from my life.
I became a supportive host of my mind, body and spirit connection
- giving them each a voice. And, as I did, my life burst into bloom.
Poisonous relationships began to dissipate. Career opportunities which
had once seemed far-fetched became credentials on my resume. Each
day brought with it being pregnant with new ideas and an eagerness to
birth them. I wondered if I had stepped into a magical realm of fortune
and blessing, but - in reality - those tools had been available to me all
along. I just had not been healthy enough to be aligned with them.
The following is an invitation - containing expert opinions and researchsupported
suggestions - for you, reader, to do the same. The purpose for it is
quite simple: In order to reach your highest potential, your mind, body and
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HEALTH & SELF-DEVELOPMENT
spirit must be properly heard, nourished and aligned. By doing so, every
aspect of our life - including your personal aspirations and most ambitious
endeavors - are given the opportunity to thrive.
BODY WORK IS EMOTIONAL WORK: A CONVERSATION WITH
BRENDAN SWEETMAN, STRUCTURAL INTEGRATION THERAPIST
Brendan Sweetman, Founder of Structural Integration of Nashville
in Nashville, Tenn. offers healing bodywork which focuses on the
connection between the mind, body and spirit. A faithful devotee of
meditation, mindfulness and yoga, he believes that if balance, function
and strength are restored to one’s body, it will then spread to all areas of
the person’s life - from emotional agility to organ function.
“We have to accept the reality that we are an energy life force
separate from our physical bodies. And, because we are made up
of energy, we create and hold energetic patterns in response to our
experiences,” says Sweetman. “These patterns affect our emotions,
mindset and health. This is why when I work with people physically,
burdens and limitations of every kind are lifted from them.“
Sweetman has witnessed dozens of clients depart from unfulfilling
careers, untangle from damaging relationships, release weight, regain a
sense of organization within their lives and realize their highest potential,
oftentimes after years of being “stuck” in cycles and patterns of dysfunction.
“Negative self-perceptions show up in our physical bodies. When
these burdens are addressed and released, the client becomes lighter in
their being,” says Sweetman. “This sometimes shows up on the scale,
but most of all allows the truth of who they are to become clear.”
Sweetman is convinced that no issue in our lives is a mystery. “Every
ailment or problem - from chronic headaches to relational issues -
contains a root and an answer, lying within our field and waiting to be
seen,” he says.
AN ACUPUNCTURIST’S PERSPECTIVE ON HARMONIZING
THE BODY: MARK SHPRINTZ
Pain is the catalyst for the majority of clients who seek the services
of Mark Shprintz, Licensed Acupuncturist, Certified Practitioner of
Traditional Chinese Medicine and Founder of Nashville Healing Arts,
though they often receive a lot more than relief from it.
According to Shprintz, the goal of acupuncture - a 2,000 year-old
healing practice, is “to harmonize the body’s energy circulation.”
Throughout his years of practice, clients of all ages, backgrounds and
varying ailments have proven to him that emotional and mental stress
is inevitably reflected in the person’s body - whether it manifests in
the form of chronic headaches, digestive dysfunction, a stiff neck, tight
shoulders or a slouched posture. “I work with the crossing point - the
nexus - between emotional and mental stress and physical pain,” he says.
Sprintz once had a client seek his help after experiencing strange
and unpleasant fluttering sensations in his chest. The individual had
unsuccessfully exhausted all standard medical treatments.
“He said the sensations were like bats flying out of chimney. He
had been evaluated by a cardiologist, and was then diagnosed with
panic attacks. He refused to take the prescribed anxiety medicine, so a
colleague referred him to me,” says Sprintz.
This led to the realization that the client’s stressful job was likely
contributing to the disturbing physical sensations he was experiencing.
“I explained how emotional energy can be trapped in the body
and erupt chaotically. Acupuncture gently and strategically releases this
pressure. The client described waves of energy rippling throughout his
body as I worked on the tension areas. He told me that ‘the bats stopped
flying around’ after our first session,” says Sprintz.
Spritz believes that, once the energy is permitted to flow through
the body as designed, limitations of every nature - emotional, mental
and physical - often begin to vanish. This clearing away of energetic
blocks - whether caused by dietary or environmental toxins, or negative
emotional patterns - permits the way for health to be restored.
HOW TO BEGIN YOUR QUEST FOR TOTAL
MIND, BODY & SPIRIT WELLNESS
We have established the value of properly attuning your mind,
body and spirit in order to achieve your highest potential. You may be
wondering where to begin, however.
The truth is: It begins right where you are - right now, in the choices
you make in the seemingly insignificant moments you spend stuck in
your patterns. It begins with not only what you eat for breakfast, but the
thoughts you carry with you into the shower. It begins with making the
next right decision - including your internal dialogue when you stand
before a mirror. It begins with your mindset.
A recent study from Duke University Medical Center revealed that
heart patients who had an optimistic mindset about their approaching
treatments absolutely lived longer than those who were more pessimistic
about them. So replace that negative thought with a positive one. Skip
that extra Netflix episode and go for a hike surrounded by beautiful
scenery. Stretch out your body at the end of every day, bidding farewell
to the tension it is tired of holding onto. Surround your workspace with
positivity - from gifts given to you by those who love you to affirmative
reminders of why your health and fitness goals are not only attainable,
but how worthy you are of achieving them.
How we feel creates a projection of how we view the world. If we
do not love ourselves, we cannot love the world we live in. And if we
cannot love the world we live in, we will never love living in it. Your
healthiest version starts right where you are. So, begin.
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
THE CONNECT MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2017/2018 45

FAMILY & RELATIONSHIPS
The Power of Keeping
the Love Tanks Full
WRITTEN BY: DAWN MASON
MY FALLING IN love with William was an inevitable
consequence of his selflessness. Within the first month
of meeting, we found ourselves on weekly dates and
nightly phone calls, due primarily to his efforts. He
lived two cities away and, no matter the time of day,
fighting traffic was an undefeatable certainty. But regardless of his stress
level or magnitude of road rage, he took on this challenge and never once
missed a date.
His actions consistently proved his commitment to spending time
with me and I was sold. Though his faith, intellect, humor and good looks
won me over, what moved me from infatuation to adoration was his
proficiency in speaking my primary love language: quality time.
More than two decades ago, marriage counselor Gary Chapman began
a movement with his best-selling book: “The Five Love Languages.”
In the book, Chapman details the “five ways that people speak and
understand emotional love.” He says people in relationships rarely share
the same love language, and stresses the importance of understanding
what the other needs in order to keep their love tank full.
So, what are these love languages, anyway? Chapman analyzed years of
marriage counseling notes and found that what people really need in order
to feel loved falls into five simple categories, as follows:
WORDS OF AFFIRMATION Actions don’t always speak louder than
words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the
world to you. Hearing the words “I love you” are important, but hearing
the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave
you shattered and are not easily forgotten - if ever.
QUALITY TIME In the vernacular of quality time, nothing says, “I love
you” like undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is
critical, but really being there - with the TV off, fork and knife down, and
all chores and tasks on standby - makes your significant other feel truly
special and loved. Failure to be present can be especially hurtful.
RECEIVING GIFTS Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the
receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness and effort behind the
gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift shows that you are known,
you are cared for and you are appreciated above whatever was sacrificed
to bring the gift to you. Someone missing your birthday or anniversary, or
receiving a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous for you.
ACTS OF SERVICE Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression
of love? You bet. Anything one does to ease the burden of responsibility
weighing on the “acts of service” person will speak volumes. Broken
commitments, laziness and making more work for them tells them
they don’t matter.
PHYSICAL TOUCH This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person
with this primary language is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs,
holding hands and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder or face can
all be ways to show excitement, concern, care and love. Physical presence
and accessibility are crucial. Neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and
irreversibly destructive.
I knew my primary love language before I met William and, while
I thought I knew my then-boyfriend well enough to guess his love
language, I had it all wrong. While he was dedicated to giving me
more time and attention than I felt I deserved, quality time was not his
primary or even secondary love language. Physical touch - that is the
language responsible for keeping his love tank full. Thankfully, I am a
card-carrying member of club affection. He appreciates that I do not
leave the house without kissing him, he loves that I reach for his hand
when we walk and he can feel the day’s stress literally leave his body
the moment I reach under his shirt to rub his back. It is amazing that we
naturally speak each other’s love language, which could give insight into
why we met, fell in love and were engaged within six months.
A wedding, a few years and five boys later, when real life challenges
often collide with our fairytale romance, we both can be left feeling
unseen, unheard and frustrated. These are the days I may not want to be
in the same room as William, much less rub his back. These are the times
he may prefer to sit in front of the television alone and uninterrupted -
giving his undivided time and attention to a sandwich and football. These
days may be unavoidable, however knowing and understanding your
loved one’s love language will allow you to better meet their needs and
lessen those love language-less days.
If you’re interested in learning your love language, go to
www.5lovelanguages.com. Understand what it means and discuss it in
detail with those you most care about. Through this practice, you will
better appreciate why you and your loved one react to situations and
circumstances differently (like why you respond with enthusiasm to
them coming home with your favorite ice cream, yet they respond with
indifference when you do the same!). Begin to communicate by giving
examples of how your loved one already speaks your love language
and how it fills your love tank. And, above all, work at speaking
your loved one’s love language. Then watch how your connection
with them deepens.
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
THE CONNECT MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2017/2018 47

EMPOWERMENT
I Know Why
YOUR
NEW YEAR’S
RESOLUTIONS
Failed
WRITTEN BY: LACEY JOHNSON | THEDAILYDOLL.COM
IKNOW WHY YOUR New Year’s resolutions may have failed this
year. But, first, let me tell you a story.
The year was 1912. The doors of the Fairmont Copley Plaza
Hotel in downtown Boston opened with a star-studded gala -
drenched with decadence, bedazzled with jewels and energized
by the sounds and movements of clinking crystal, the soft echoes of
laughter and the shuffle of ragtime dancers. All in attendance were
granted a tour of the building, provoking them to “ooh” and “aah” at its
seven floors of luxurious guest rooms and private suites.
It was a lavish and pampering affair, oozing with opulence - one which
would carve its own space into the city’s history. The guests lifted their
glasses with glee, toasting to the start of the hotel’s promising success.
It was an occasion to be known and seen. But, what those in attendance
did not have the luxury of witnessing was the true magic of the hotel’s
beginning: The hours architect Henry Janeway Hardenbergh spent crafting
and refining his vision. The limestone and brick-by-brick construction. The
painting of the walls. The laying of the carpet. The ironing of the curtains.
The hanging of the chandeliers. The hiring of the staff.
How easily we forget that every story’s foundation is built behind
the curtain; not by what is seen under the light of the chandelier.
As we cut the tape and open our doors to welcome a new year, it is
easy to glamorize. It’s a fresh, blank slate - a dazzling opportunity. New
yoga mats, new meal plans, new haircuts, new shoes, new books, new
lists, new planners and new affirmations.
On the surface, it appears as though we are all destined to really
“get it right this time.” But, that which is lurking behind those new and
shiny walls of our bold declarations and promises will be the truth of
whether or not our results last. And, the unforgiving truth is this: The
majority of New Year’s resolutions are either abandoned entirely or
crash and burn into obscurity.
According to an article published by U.S. News in 2015, 80 percent
of New Year’s resolutions are lost by February. This means that, by the
time Cupid draws back his bow, those yoga mats are often collecting
dust. By the time summer invites us to come out and play in its openaired
vulnerability, that business proposal or fresh marketing strategy
may have long been shoved in the bottom of a drawer.
So, then, what is the catch? What is the key to a groundbreaking
and sustaining 2018?
It’s quite simple. You need to conduct a thorough assessment of your
inner architect.
48 HOLIDAY 2017/2018 | THE CONNECT MAGAZINE THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM

EMPOWERMENT
LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, MEET YOUR 2018 DREAM TEAM
Did you know you have a powerful team of two inside of you - one
that can bring you all that you dream of, or one that can dim your every
flame of desire before it has a chance for its flicker to be seen? Their
titles are Wish and Belief, and it’s important that you become wellacquainted
with them.
If Wish is the visionary of your story, Belief is the architect. So, let us
consider what an architect does.
He collects creative ideas and maps out a plan for them to be
realized. He decides what is possible for the venture, and takes action
to implement it. He coordinates with builders and inspects the job site,
deciding what will or will not be permitted. And, he oversees the project
from beginning to end - even when it rains, construction is delayed,
materials or lost or something goes awry.
Picture it: Wish gives Belief an excitable nudge,
suggesting, “A winding staircase! That would be
lovely! Oh, and how about a space for a box
garden in the back?”
Depending on what kind of architect
Belief is, he may respond in a variety of
ways. If he is confident, open-minded
and optimistic,
he may say, “Absolutely, Wish. Let’s
begin at once to make this happen!”
But, if he was conditioned to be
cautious, cynical and doubtful, he
may instead say, “Don’t pester me
with your silly ideas, Wish. This
project is not worthy of that level
of extravagance. We do not have the
budget, the time nor the team.”
Or, worse, he may agree to Wish’s
ideas but then grow frustrated somewhere
along the way, tossing his hands into the cold
air and walking away halfway through construction
- money and time wasted with no reward.
The rub is this: If you don’t employ a mighty architect of
belief to work with all that you envision for yourself, there won’t be
anyone building your mighty dreams. Your ‘resolutions’ will remain
elusive - floating around in the ether, bumping into all of the other
brilliant and magical ideas never to be realized.
That’s right. What I’m saying is your beliefs and wishes must become
mutually collaborative business partners. They must be working alongside
one another at the same construction site, staring at the same blueprint,
nodding in agreement and shaking hands over the same decisions.
Because the result of your 2018 will be the direct result of what you
truly, unabashedly believe is possible - and probable - for yourself.
You may be thinking: So, what do I do? Who was ever responsible
for hiring my disaster of an architect Belief, anyway? And, how do I
replace him at once?
This is the fun part.
Let’s do some time travel. When you were a small child, your brain
waves were in a state called “theta.” You were downloading information,
possessing almost no analytical skills. Your brain served as a sponge -
soaking up all of the conversations you overheard, the television programs
you viewed, the interactions you witnessed and the rules you were
given. You learned which lines never to cross and which stones never
to overturn. By way of impact and repetition, you learned your ABC’s,
favorite songs and how to ride a bicycle. And you also learned ideas about
food, money, love, relationships, sharing, self-worth and religion.
Then - voila! Much like a computer hardwired program, your core
beliefs and behaviors were imprinted. The program was written.
And, guess what? Even though you have come so far and learned
so much since then, you’re still operating from that core programming
today - yes, 20, 30, 40 or 50 years later. And, if it contains limiting
information which daringly conflicts with your wildest dreams, it panics
each time you try to defy its boundaries.
Why, do you ask? Blame it on that which rests in the frontal
portion of your brain’s temporal lobe: the amygdala. Though he
may be tiny, he thinks he is the mighty guardian of security. Like
the quintessential mall cop, he perceives the foreign and unexpected
as a raucous and, thus, responds by releasing neurotransmitters and
sounding off alarms. When introduced to something in stark contrast
with what he knows, he shouts, “Hold up! Excuse me.
We have an intruder in the building!”
Though he may sound like a jerk, he is just
trying to protect you. This explains why most
people have a frustrating time leaving a
job they despise, untangling from a toxic
relationship or resisting unhealthy
foods they have long indulged in. The
amygdala wants to hold onto all that it
knows for sure.
Contrarily, the individuals
who stick with their intention to
change careers, untangle from
that relationship and forever alter
their way of eating have tapped
into a place much deeper within
themselves; they have changed their
beliefs and values, thereby hijacking
the information stored in their not-somighty
amygdala. They have given this
guardian of security a new set of guidelines
and tools to work with.
The good news is that, by way of conscious
repetition, as well as various other methods used to access
the subconscious mind, your brain can be trained to accept new (and
better!) information.
So, where to begin in preparation for the upcoming year?
I suggest starting with what scares the bloody demons out of
you. What rattles your inner cage and makes your skin hot? This is
important to note. Pain, fear and doubt are messengers; they tell us
the areas we need to reassess and reassemble. They tell us where are
wires our crossing, where our paint is chipping, where are pipes a
re molding, where are fault lines exist. They tell us what beliefs
are keeping us from ever cutting the tape on our grandest
endeavors and goals.
So, begin by asking yourself the following questions: What kind of
life do I deserve? How does the life I feel I deserve compare to what I’m
wishing for? What are my core beliefs about money, love, luck, health
and possibility? Do I trust the divine powers that be to have my back?
Do I have my own back?
You may have to do some extensive time traveling to uncover the
most stubborn messages written into your programming. And you
will have to gut all of the self-sabotaging ones and rebuild for new and
self-supporting beliefs to make up your infrastructure. Be patient with
yourself. And remember: No permanent change will ever come as long
as the same old architect is making all of the rules and divvying out
all of the orders.
THECONNECTMAGAZINE.COM
THE CONNECT MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2017/2018 49

Welcoming
Diversity
At Cracker Barrel Old Country Store ® , we think a key to our success
is welcoming diversity in our company, our country stores,
our restaurants, and our communities.
crackerbarrel.com • © 2012 CBOCS Properties, Inc.