24 Seven January 2018

Amy Collins
REINFORCING
THE BEHAVIOR
WE WANT
What type of behavior do we want from our
children, spouses, school communities, and
overall society? Ideally, we’d all express
attitudes such as helpful, kind, encouraging,
positive, motivated and compassionate.
But, how about when we hear stories like
the one my friend told me about how her
granddaughter never listens despite her
mother repeatedly saying to her, “Don’t
run!” The point of her story was that the
granddaughter continually keeps running
and it is exhausting for the mother. What
would help change her behavior?
It’s also intriguing how we currently have
nationwide “anti-bullying” campaigns
happening in our schools, but yet the
bullying continues. Is the message being
missed? What can we say to help change
this negative behavior?
Has anyone ever thought of simply
changing the wording of what we are saying
to exemplify the behavior we want versus
the behavior we want to eliminate? When
we practice being mindful, we become
aware of what we are saying. Therefore,
how about we consciously choose to use
words that express the behavior we want
in the world. For example, “Let’s walk” or
“Let’s be kind and caring to each other.” I
have read articles over the years that state
how people overlook the word ‘don’t’ when
they are reading or listening to someone.
As a result, we need to be more attentive
in how we state the behavior we require or
yearn for.
I have always loved words. Not necessarily
big, flamboyant words, rather every day
words and how we use them to communicate
with each other. See how I even used the
word with in that last sentence versus to each
other? The word with connotes both parties
are engaged whereas to subconsciously
conveys one party talking to the other. A
simple difference, but one that suggests a
slightly more inclusive feeling to the reader
or listener, whether that person is consciously
aware of it or not.
Using words that reinforce the behavior
we want strengthens our relationships and
helps us live more peacefully. For example,
the words can/could and will/would. The
implication when we use the words can/
could is that the person we are asking to
do something for us may not actually be
able to successfully do what we are asking.
Whereas, the words will/would imply the
person can do what is being asked, but
has a choice if they will help you. That is an
example of a subtle difference in wording,
but big difference in meaning. Think of how
that implication affects the person who is
being asked? Instead of being defensive he
or she becomes confident in their ability to
do the task and realize they have a choice
to help. his has a positive impact on those
around us.
If we mindfully chose positive words, then the
world will be a more kind and encouraging
place. I first heard this wise piece of advice
from my father who said it to me regarding
my marriage and children. Thanks, dad!
Amy Collins, founder of Create Clarity, offers workshops to help individuals clarify who they are, re-awaken their intuition and make a
transformational shift to live a more vibrant life. Learning these practical tools is empowering. Once learned, these tools last forever.
www.CreateClarity.net