NOVEMBER 2016 MIAMI for web
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HEALTHY SOUL<br />
IN LIVING<br />
COLOR:<br />
The Path to a<br />
Rewarding Life<br />
PART 3<br />
The Tools:<br />
Tool 1: Convert Pain Into Growth<br />
Most of the pain we feel comes from two things: grasping and<br />
fixating. The solution in that moment will come from recognizing<br />
that in yourself – what I call, “circling it,” and then spotting<br />
the underlying emotion that is motivating it. This is also when<br />
you can see that it’s a basic and childlike emotion that is<br />
understandable and something you can soothe. You can also<br />
be compassionate <strong>for</strong> yourself instead of suffering in the mental<br />
obsession. When we grasp or fixate, we create anxiety, but<br />
when we can see the true emotion, it becomes simpler and less<br />
powerful.<br />
Just by enacting this exercise you will have slowed down the<br />
reaction process enough that you can change how you proceed.<br />
And further, you can change the pain into something that grows<br />
you. How? By changing your habituated reaction to anything<br />
different than you normally do.<br />
So in the moment you’re finding yourself really upset about<br />
something – grab a journal and convert it into growth! Here are<br />
the questions I want to you answer:<br />
JOURNAL EXERCISE:<br />
99<br />
Look <strong>for</strong> two things: grasping and fixation. Ask yourself, am I<br />
clinging to something?<br />
99<br />
Am I fixating on something?<br />
99<br />
Describe the feeling in your body. What part of your body is<br />
the feeling coming from? What does it feel like? Is it tightness<br />
or heaviness?<br />
99<br />
Does it remind you of an emotion you’ve felt be<strong>for</strong>e? If so,<br />
what does it resemble?<br />
99<br />
What is your habituated reaction to this feeling – meaning,<br />
what do you want to do right now?<br />
99<br />
What can you choose to do that’s different? (Choose ANY<br />
kind of action that’s new.) For example, what would be an<br />
opposite response?<br />
99<br />
Last, choose to enact one of your new responses instead of<br />
doing what you normally do.<br />
Tool 2: Mantra: Don’t Get Morbid<br />
If you’re a Type-A person, you’re likely an over-reactor. I say that<br />
with love – I’m like you, too. It’s how you have stayed prepared<br />
<strong>for</strong> danger in the past and it’s also why you are good at what<br />
you do, now. But when it comes to your perception, it can cause<br />
you unnecessary harm. We all create beliefs and expectations<br />
to keep us operating safely: If this, then that. However, these<br />
beliefs are not truths, they are judgments and attempts to<br />
create order in the world – and we are truly the ones who make<br />
them more solid by imagining them. The expectations are what<br />
hurt us more than actual events.<br />
Those who have a desire to control, tend to make things more<br />
major and dire – by default. We perceive things to be worse and<br />
more immovable then they really are. So a mantra to use when<br />
you’re in the moment of dread or worry about something to<br />
come is “Don’t get morbid.” Remind yourself that everything is<br />
much more okay and fluid and flexible than you are making it in<br />
your mind. Maybe there’s nothing wrong,<br />
at all and everything is very right.<br />
We anticipate the worst and then we<br />
experience it in our minds. It’s an<br />
overreaction to things that don’t<br />
exist – but we think we know<br />
better and that it makes us better<br />
prepared. Don’t get morbid – relax,<br />
step back and recognize you’re<br />
making it into something it’s not.<br />
There’s a Buddhist quote that says,<br />
“In the beginner’s mind there are<br />
many possibilities, but in the experts<br />
there are few.” And that’s because<br />
you slowly grow to believe you have<br />
control – that you know all, but that’s<br />
just a false perception. Maybe this<br />
is just another day that just is – like<br />
an animal killing another animal<br />
in the wild: it’s not good or bad, it’s<br />
life. Don’t lump any additional pain<br />
on top of that thing – remember, not<br />
everything has to mean something.<br />
“<br />
We anticipate<br />
the worst<br />
and then we<br />
experience<br />
it in our<br />
minds."<br />
18 / HEALTHY <strong>MIAMI</strong>