2018_JUNE_FINAL

PRESCHOOL
Resolving
conflict
with your twins
by Katherine Wexler
Arguing and conflict are a normal part
of family life. If your twins said, “Yes,
Mommy,” and raced to comply with every
parental request, you’d probably reach for the
thermometer! And with two in the playroom, hassles
between your children are inevitable. Sometimes
it’s hard to choose the best way to settle a
struggle: Should you say, “I’m the parent, so just
do it my way,” or should you explain yourself, and
maybe get hooked into an unmanageable debate
about why and whether your decision is the right
one?
Generally, discussion helps your children
develop their thinking and problem-solving skills.
And they’re ready now to move in that direction.
When they were toddlers, distracting them from
conflict often worked. For instance, if one of them
wanted a toy that the other was using, presenting
another attractive choice avoided a struggle.
At this age, however, distraction is not a good
conflict resolution strategy. As preschoolers, they
need to learn how to compromise, take turns,
make choices, and resolve conflict more independently.
Now they want to know the “why” of
everything, and that includes rules and limits. Preschoolers
need to explore cause and effect, what
is “fair,” and how decisions are made. So when you
take the “I’m the boss” position, you’re passing up
a learning opportunity for your little ones. Whenever
possible, explain why we have to take turns,
or save sweets until after a meal, or keep the paint
on the paper instead of the wall. Even better, ask
them to explain the reasons to you. Their logic
may surprise you!
16 TWINS Magazine A www.twinsmagazine.com