Peace in the Face of War

likely that he would fall again, so he went to The Gables in Crawley and
then to Acorn Lodge Nursing Home in East Grinstead. There he has been
cared for with great kindness and respect – and an awful lot of patience.
We can see now that the confusion, which became worse when he fell, had
actually been going on for a long time. For some years, I had been accompanying
him to see doctors about his various conditions. No complaints about the
NHS from me; he was treated superbly. Going with him meant I could piece
together his history, something he was hopeless at being able to tell. This
isn’t the place to describe that, though it should be said that he had more
than his share of illness and disability. We can see now that the rhythm of
our life kept him going. There were times when he really wasn’t coping but
he covered it up and kept it to himself.
He had investigations at the National Neurological Hospital in London for
many years. They were fascinated by him, mainly because his symptoms
were unusual. ‘Come in, you’re a very interesting case,’ the consultant
would say, as we entered a room with students and other doctors, all rather
intrigued. They knew what was the matter with his legs but they didn’t know
– and never found out – what was the original cause. Eventually one of the
professors said, ‘You’re a diagnostic mystery, you are,’ which summed up
John of the Cross in more ways than one.
John’s father died in 1988 and his mother in 1990. By that stage, John had
trained as a teacher and been working in a primary school, and become
involved in his local church whilst caring for his elderly parents. He visited
the Monastery on many occasions and became an Associate. On the death of
his mother, he felt free to test his vocation to monastic life and was admitted
as a postulant in August 1991. His gardening skills were put to good use, he
looked after the cows and did some cooking. He shared fully in the Office and
the Eucharist, which he loved. He sang well. He didn’t go out much, though
he enjoyed the annual meetings for Anglican religious, which he attended
many times.
His general disposition was joyful and positive. He laughed a lot. He saw much
beauty in creation and the world around him. Most things that happened to
him were, to use his words, ‘Marvellous,’ ‘absolutely wonderful,’ ‘beautiful,’
‘it was delightful,’ ‘we had a lovely time.’ Some things were, ‘Awful,’ ‘terrible,’
‘a disaster,’ or just ‘No,’ with a horizontal movement of both hands. Generally,
though, he saw the good side and the funny side. He had a disposition of
thankfulness, an expression of faith and trust in the providence of God. It is
important to keep all this in mind, and not just concentrate on the last three
years.
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