Viva Lewes Issue #143 August 2018

COLUMN
David Jarman
Information overload
Not many days go by without my
cutting something interesting
out of the newspapers and filing
it away, for future reference,
between the leaves of a relevant
book. That, at least, is the idea.
All too often however, it’s a matter
of out of sight, out of mind. And
even when I do remember the
item in question, tracking it down
can prove exasperating.
So I was pleased recently to come
across an article about a radio play satirising overexplanatory
wireless dialogue, which I thought
lost. This Gun that I Have in my Right Hand is
Loaded was written by Timothy West. It contains
many priceless lines such as: ‘A whisky, eh? That’s
a strange drink for an attractive auburn-haired
girl of 29’.
Tom Stoppard did something similar in his
spoof country-house whodunnit The Real
Inspector Hound. Early on, the char, Mrs Drudge,
answers the telephone and announces: “Hello,
the drawing-room of Lady Muldoon’s country
residence one morning in early spring”. Later
in the same conversation she gives voice to her
fears: “I hope nothing is amiss for we, that is
Lady Muldoon and her houseguests, are here
cut off from the world, including Magnus, the
wheelchair-ridden half-brother of her ladyship’s
husband Lord Albert Muldoon who ten years ago
went out for a walk on the cliffs and was never
seen again”.
In Sheridan’s The Critic, first performed at Drury
Lane Theatre in 1779, it’s a play within a play. Mr
Puff has written a tragedy entitled The Spanish
Armada. He takes Mr Dangle and Mr Sneer to see
a rehearsal at… Drury Lane Theatre.
Sir Walter Raleigh and Sir Christopher Hatton
enter, deep in conversation. What
is the meaning of ‘these mighty
armaments? This general muster?
And this throng of chiefs?’ that
Sir Christopher has noticed.
Observant chap that he is, he
concludes: “I cannot but surmise
– Forgive, my friend, if the
conjecture’s rash – I cannot but
surmise – the State some danger
apprehends!”
Sir Walter embarks on his
exposition: “You know, my friend, scarce two
revolving suns and three revolving moons have
closed their course, since haughty Philip, in
despite of peace, with hostile hand hath struck at
England’s trade”. Sir Christopher does. In fact: “I
know it well”.
Sir Walter: “Philip, you know is proud Iberia’s
king”.
Sir Christopher: “He is”.
Raleigh provides a bit of context: “His subjects in
base bigotry and Catholic oppression held, - while
we, you know, the Protestant persuasion hold”. Sir
Christopher: “We do”.
Furthermore, Sir Christopher’s intelligence
extends to knowing that: “the famed Armada, by
the Pope baptised, with purpose to invade these
realms”, has already set sail. Undeterred, Sir
Walter continues: “You also know…”
At this point, Mr Dangle gives vent to his
exasperation: “Mr Puff, as he knows all this, why
does Sir Walter go on telling him?”
Puff explains: “But the audience are not supposed
to know anything of the matter, are they?” Alas,
Sir Christopher’s feigned ignorance, assumed to
enlighten the audience, fails to convince. As Mr
Sneer says: “there certainly appears no reason why
Sir Walter should be so communicative”.
John Hoppner - Portrait of a Gentleman, traditionally been identified as Richard Brinsley Sheridan
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